Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 31 to 60 of 60

Thread: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

  1. #31
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    aquabania
    Posts
    17,397

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    (lovingly cut into the shape of a Star Wars ship)
    WANT
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  2. #32
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Zenith, Winnemac
    Posts
    40,766

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Horseman #19: Chicago School Bans Homemade Lunches

    Chicago. Chicago Chicago Chicago. You're doing the wrong thing and your children are going to shrivel and die. They're going to eat your tan-painted saltlicks every day and dissolve and fester writhing in your clammy palms with the kind of roiling melty skinbubbling imagery you'd read in a Roald Dahl book about salting slugs for fun and profit. What the fuck is wrong with you. What the shitfucking fuckshit is wrong with you people. You can't pack lunch for your kid. You can't pack LUNCH for your KID. How about worry the fuck about the education side of things and I make the parenting decisions for the many, many children I have in the Chicago school district. This is not your call. This is not up to you so why don't you and your tater tots back your goddamn Sears-Tower-building oversized-silver-townsquare-bean-having burlesque-strutting can-canning short-A-distorting micromanagers off of my lovingly packed bento.
    This is slightly misleading. It's just one small school. One principal made the decision for one school, not the entire city.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  3. #33
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    That's why the title is singular. Don't tell me I can't yell at Chicago for a mistake happening within it.

  4. #34
    Wheels Of Cheese
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Drinking Milk
    Posts
    6,969

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Horseman #53: Biodegradable Shoes

    Is this some sort of ecoterrorist ploy to keep used shoes from getting to homeless people? Frostbite as population control? And it's going to be really awesome when you suffer a natural disaster and your only remaining belongings start to biodegrade beneath your hazard-weathering feet. How's that flood? How's that fucking tsunami runup now? How's wandering around underneath every set of powerlines because you don't know where to stand to buy drugs. How the fuck is that. How's your class-discriminating, anti-disaster-preparedness narc footwear treating you.
    Thomas Pynchon wants his shit back.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Yea I think a lot of men think they are bad ass, but a 12 year old with a AK can take me out I know ...... cr****

  5. #35
    man-homie obzen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Cacapoopoopeepeeshire
    Posts
    15,988

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurgasm View Post
    Dude was a master horseman... guess it doesn't help when Chinook's are bearing down on your compound.
    Osama...






























    do it.

  6. #36
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Horseman #22: Random Beheadings.

    Somebody ran into a supermarket yesterday, beheaded a random woman, and ran off holding the bloodied head by the hair. No rhyme. No reason. No relation. Just some lady. You're already going to die every time you kiss your grubby little Jayne Mansfield vignetted 4x6 goodbye and crawl out from your cement bunker for another gunnysack's worth of root vegetables. But now, even if by some miracle you should manage to safely traverse the pendulous ropes course that is not dying every fucking time you step outside your residence and actually get to experience the metallic reassurance of the delicate there-will-be-no-bloodbath-today door chime that alerts a store's staff to your presence, you're running a risk of malicious decapitation. She was random. I'm random and you're random. Both our mothers are random. We have random decapitations now. Lock your doors.

  7. #37
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    12,115

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    To be fair, this was in the Canary Islands. I don't trust any of those resort islands "paradises" where the third world is on the other side of a wall. The only thing worse than living in poverty is living in poverty next to rich people cavorting.

  8. #38
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    To be fair, he fucking ran into a supermarket and cut a lady's head off while screaming about meting out justice for God. To be fair.

  9. #39
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Quote Originally Posted by Forbes
    Local media reports said the suspect left the store shouting "I am God's avenger and I come to mete out justice."
    To be fair.

  10. #40
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    DTLA, CA
    Posts
    21,186

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    if she didn't want her head cut off she shouldn't have been dressed that way
    last.fm
    6/15/14 Failure - Glasshouse // 7/9/14 Cloud Nothings/Metz - Roxy
    7/16/14 Planes Mistaken For Stars - Echo // 8/23-24/14 FYF Fest - Expo Park //8/25/14 Nine Inch Nails - Hollywood Bowl // 9/12-14/14 Riotfest - Humboldt Park, Chicago, IL
    9/18/14 Neutral Milk Hotel - Hollywood Bowl

  11. #41
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    12,115

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Do you really think God has time to do it all itself?

    What if it comes out that this woman has, like 300 children buried in her back yard?

  12. #42
    Coachella Junkie weeklymix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    7,332

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Yeah but she probably doesn't otherwise "God's" avenger would have just been the law.

  13. #43
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    the Beach of Newport
    Posts
    12,109

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    if she didn't want her head cut off she shouldn't have been dressed that way
    oh no he di'int.

  14. #44
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Vampire State Building
    Posts
    16,084

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Sigh. No one ever got decapitated at my job.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  15. #45
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    Do you really think God has time to do it all itself?

    What if it comes out that this woman has, like 300 children buried in her back yard?
    No amount of Klan rallying or baby raping or hipster headdress wearing would make this not a random act of malicious decapitation. It could have been Bin Laden by some crazy coincidence and it'd still be just as off-putting.

  16. #46

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Clean up. Aisle 6.

  17. #47
    Coachella Junkie weeklymix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    7,332

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Horseman #666: Whitney Cummings' Sitcom Picked Up By NBC & CBS Picks Up A Completely Different Sitcom Created By Whitney Cummings

    Jesus Motherfucking Christ are you kidding me? This is disgusting.

  18. #48
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Vampire State Building
    Posts
    16,084

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Who is this woman and why should I hate her?
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  19. #49
    Coachella Junkie MissingPerson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    14,521

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Re: The Canary Islands decapitation. They're pretty integrated resorts, as such goes, and to be fair, the decapitator guy was a homeless Bulgarian with long history of psychiatric illness and public order problems with the local police.
    Last edited by MissingPerson; 05-21-2011 at 03:34 PM.

  20. #50
    Coachella Junkie weeklymix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    7,332

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    Who is this woman and why should I hate her?
    She's a watered down version of Lisa Lampanelli that looks better in a bikini only because you're comparing her to Lisa Lampanelli. Got her start on Punk'd and has been sucking Denis Leary's dick since then. The most unfunny piece of shit on the planet and networks like her because she's a heterosexual comedienne that doesn't completely look like Hagrid.

  21. #51
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Horseman #6: The Dental Assistant Asked Me What Pandora Station I Wanted and When I Said How About Bob Dylan She Said "What Does He Sing?"

    The dental assistant asked me what Pandora station I wanted and when I said how about Bob Dylan, she said "What does he sing?" and then she put power tools in my mouth and I let her and then she said "okay, so it's kinda bluesy." This woman is running around mouthtooling people like nothing's wrong.

    BOB DYLAN WHAT DOES HE SING

  22. #52

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    He's a DJ.

  23. #53
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Drew Barrymore's releasing her own personal wine. Won't be long now.

  24. #54
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    DTLA, CA
    Posts
    21,186

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    "A fan of crisp, fruity white wines, Barrymore has created a wine that reflects her style and personality: fresh, dynamic and fun," the Wilson Daniels website says
    last.fm
    6/15/14 Failure - Glasshouse // 7/9/14 Cloud Nothings/Metz - Roxy
    7/16/14 Planes Mistaken For Stars - Echo // 8/23-24/14 FYF Fest - Expo Park //8/25/14 Nine Inch Nails - Hollywood Bowl // 9/12-14/14 Riotfest - Humboldt Park, Chicago, IL
    9/18/14 Neutral Milk Hotel - Hollywood Bowl

  25. #55

  26. #56
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Zenith, Winnemac
    Posts
    40,766

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    BOB DYLAN WHAT DOES HE SING
    8 months later and I finally see this. Jesus.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  27. #57
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    I LET HER PUT TOOLS IN MY MOUTH.

  28. #58
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    I can't do this one. I just encountered this sentence:

    She later decided to put the McNugget on the auction block and let the market have its way with her tasty gem.
    and I'm running out of dry heave. You may compose your own as an endorsed guest panelist just this once if you like.

  29. #59
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    stately Rain Manor
    Posts
    17,455

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    Horseman #52: "Jayden" Fourth Most Popular Name For Boys Born in 2011

    I wonder if the meth scabs hinder the surgeon's ability to convincingly stitch things back up after a harrowing delivery.

  30. #60
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Zenith, Winnemac
    Posts
    40,766

    Default Re: Shut the Fuck Up, Canary: Tabulating Societal Horsemen

    google 'Jayden Jaymes'. nsfw.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

Similar Threads

  1. Jesus Christ Shut The Fuck Up PETA...
    By Mr.Nipples in forum Music Lounge
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 05-07-2012, 09:21 PM
  2. Official Petition to Shut the Fuck Up
    By PotVsKtl in forum Line Up/Artists
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 04-15-2009, 12:26 PM
  3. Replies: 45
    Last Post: 03-11-2009, 12:09 PM
  4. Replies: 24
    Last Post: 06-11-2007, 06:53 AM
  5. Shut the fuck up all of you complainers!
    By faxman75 in forum Camping/Lodging
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 05-01-2007, 03:39 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •