The Gays* Only Thread

[chiapet]

Yeah. I realize I come of pretty stand offish and nervous. It can't be helped, I'm just like that. I don't really know how to overcome that to meet people. Other than drinking.

I think it can be helped. Look, you are rather physically imposing, and you don't think people always immediately pick up that you're gay? Combine that with the visible behavioral signals along the lines of "I will be uncomfortable if you talk to me".... It takes an exceedingly confident or aggressive person to pursue you anyway.

Not suggesting you alter your entire personality or torture yourself by faked extroversion, but just push yourself a little bit outside of your comfort zone.

What does drinking provide that you don't feel is there innately? It relaxes you, lowers your inhibitions, dials down the cerebral activity a notch. There are ways to get that without getting tanked. I mostly use practices based on meditation. And I didn't try to fix who or how I am, just get past individual situations. I wish you knew how fucking awkward I used to be. I was practically a recluse (there have been times when I haven't even left my apartment for weeks at a time or talked to anyone for months). It is possible to WORK on being more comfortable, if you're willing to work on it.

[SoulDischarge]

FUCK. I wrote a long response to that accidentally hit the back key. Motherfucker.

[chairmenmeow47]

LOL, got it. i've gotten the "why aren't you 'in a relationship' facebook status question a lot, so that's where my mind went. also, FB status is kinda easy to confuse believe me, i've had plenty of fuck buddies. my advice there is to NEVER change ANYTHING about your life for them. if you have plans, blow off the fuck buddy. don't make plans around a fuck buddy. keep looking. or you will get hurt.

and i agree with heidi about finding ways to be more comfortable in social interactions. i know that's easy to say coming from someone who will talk to anyone though. when it comes to dating, i tend to try not to overwhelm the guy with communication at first. so they think i don't like them and things fizzle. i've been working on that myself. not jumping right into sex is hard, but you can easily avoid it by doing activities where other people are around and not going inside each others houses at first. you don't have to have a conversation about it, just meet places.

[SoulDischarge]

My long ass post that I accidentally deleted was pretty much about how for several years I have worked on being less awkward. Especially since I've been working as a cashier for 10 months, where I've gotten really good at faking being extroverted on a daily basis. I think it's less about me being awkward and more about just not sharing a lot of my sensibility, sense of humor (especially this one; a lot of people take me more seriously than I'm actually being just because I deadpan) and particular interests.

[chiapet]

I guess what we're saying is that it takes being approachable. Not saying it's easy, but if you're unhappy being alone, and what you're doing is not working, it's time to change your approach.

Please understand I am just trying to make suggestions, and also am being a hypocrite to a large degree.

[sbessiso]

I *get* you, Pat. But I guess thats why we got along immediately from the start back in 08. I'm quite bummed you won't be making it to Coachella this year. I was relying on you for some tent fun. Now I gotta find someone on my own!

[SoulDischarge]

I guess what we're saying is that it takes being approachable. Not saying it's easy, but if you're unhappy being alone, and what you're doing is not working, it's time to change your approach.

Please understand I am just trying to make suggestions, and also am being a hypocrite to a large degree.

Yeah. I get that. And just for my situation now, I feel like I'm pretty approachable and try to stay open minded. I could definitely be more approachable though. It's more of me not actually seeing much I'm interested in and the very slim portion of guys I am interested in have different priorities. But yeah, you're giving good advice, it's just a lot of stuff I've already told myself. I just really need to find a crowd to fall in with. I'm starting to make some pretty cool friends through work but it takes time.

[SoulDischarge]

I *get* you, Pat. But I guess thats why we got along immediately from the start back in 08. I'm quite bummed you won't be making it to Coachella this year. I was relying on you for some tent fun. Now I gotta find someone on my own!

I guess you gotta figure out a way to get to Chicago this summer then motherfucker.

[sbessiso]

Oh absolutely. Chicago is definitely happening at some point, especially since I wouldnt have to worry about a place to stay. And if the cure really do play Lolla, you know where ill be.

although Lolla makes for a hectic and packed weekend. We'll figure something out.

[JorgeC]

Yeah, dude, balance is hard. I'm not like dying to get into a really serious relationship or anything. Ideally, I'd like to find someone I can sleep with and then go hang out with afterward at a bar or a show or a movie. And do it on a regular basis. And still be open and flexible and whatever. I some times feel like I fuck things up by jumping straight to sex, but my hormones are out of fucking control and I need to get off before I can calm the hell down and be myself around a prospective friend/fuckbuddy/etc.

try masturbating before a date. this will (hopefully?) keep the hormones in check when you're out with someone.

[sbessiso]

LOL YEA RIGHT

I started to drink soy milk cuz I read online that decreased sex drive due to all the estrogen. no seriously.

[SoulDischarge]

Hahaha. I think I need one testicle removed to keep me in check.

[JorgeC]

try jacking off 2-3 times then! you young horny 20-somethings!! *shouting in an old man voice*

[HunterGather]

Now can Huntergatherer get us back on track and post some more gay gifs please?

I dunno, these are pretty gay.

[JorgeC]

I dunno, these are pretty gay.

was there a Supernatural thread in the Misc lounge? Maybe we should start one. I'm just about finished with Season 5 on DVD. this whole "i started the apocalypse" crap is getting old, i actually like the self-contained episodes better.

[sbessiso]

*sigh*

[HunterGather]

Speak up.

And I dunno, but season 6 is good stuff right now. Makes up for season 5.

[Stickjohn]

[SoulDischarge]

There's a misc. television thread. Use it.

[miscorrections]

I just wanted to come in and say I love reading this thread.

[JorgeC]

I just wanted to come in and say I love reading this thread.

Tit pic or GTFO....oh wait...wrong thread

[chiapet]

If you ask nicely, she might show her penis.

[HunterGather]

(especially this one; a lot of people take me more seriously than I'm actually being just because I deadpan) and particular interests.

That used to be me. Well, it still kind of is, but I think i conformed for certain people to make sure I don't appear so serious.

It got annoying when people always said "just kidding" or thought I didn't find something funny or think I'm being dead serious, when I am sometimes simply just deadpan when I talk to people.

*sigh*

I consciously decided not to post gifs in here, but dude egged me on...well not really, but it won't happen again. Promise.

[sbessiso]

You dont have to do that! Its all about balance, you just posted a real thing about yourself and shared and I thank you for it.

You DO know I heart you, HG. Right?

[HunterGather]

yea yea. just sayin' is all

[sbessiso]

Im on The List (plus 1) to see Interpol on Monday which will most likely include backstage passes thanks to me befriending Sam the drummer right before I moved out here (he hooked it up a few months ago for their show here in Oakland). I feel like it would be a really good opportunity to impress someone but alas, no one to impress.

NOT being emo! It just sucks! Ok im gunna get high and watch 30 rock

[JorgeC]

I consciously decided not to post gifs in here, but dude egged me on...well not really, but it won't happen again. Promise.

for the record, i like them.

Salah,

you don't need to impress anyone by taking them to an interpol show, you're already awesome!

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

Tit pic or GTFO....oh wait...wrong thread

No no no. You have the right thread. We like tits.

[miscorrections]

Everyone likes boobs!

[edbangme]

Does this scenario ever happen to anyone:

Straight Friend #1: Oh man I just remembered, I have to work on Sunday
Straight Friend #2: Aww thats fucking gay
Straight Friend #2: Oh sorry Chris no offense!

ummm shut up, I don't find it offensive at all when people use the word gay in that context. Its just annoying when they get all apologetic for saying it around me.