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Thread: help me ROAST someone 2nite

  1. #1

    Default help me ROAST someone 2nite

    ok.. i was signed up for a roast of someone... throw some funny my way

    profile of person:
    turning 40
    bad hip, limps
    just broke up with his gf because he "wasn't feeling it"
    messy, never cleans
    loves John Cougar Mellancamp
    lived in NYC
    has done stand-up in NYC & on radio despite not being funny in the least
    has 2 teenagers who both wear all black emo/goth style
    has dentures
    has no style whatsoever
    works for HP, fixing printers & servers
    every meal is beer & pizza
    has recorded about 6 albums
    trys to sing like Eddie Vedder
    once was on a streak where he was fired from like 20+ jobs in 5 years
    Once fired because of sexual harassment

    damn, that's enough
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  2. #2
    Coachella Junkie MissingPerson's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Quote Originally Posted by bug on your lip View Post
    just broke up with his gf because he "wasn't feeling it"
    Once fired because of sexual harassment
    I feel like this has potential.

  3. #3

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    the backstory was he overheard a girl at her work talking about her "knockers"...
    afterwards he started asking her what the word "knockers" meant..
    this went on for weeks.. he was e-mailing her asking if she could show him these "knockers" so he could see what they were

    and..oh yeah.. he was her supervisor
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  4. #4

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    my 1st joke:

    roasting Rob isn't just like shooting fish in a fishtank
    it's like shooting a fukking whale shark in a shotglass
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  5. #5
    Coachella Junkie
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Barrel.

  6. #6
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    I'm trying to wrap in the breaking up with a girl, limping, and dentures. When is this roast?
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  7. #7
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    I always feel a little weird at a roast completely overlooking the successes of my friends to highlight their shortcomings, which is why this evening is such a welcome, comfortable respite for me.

  8. #8

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Quote Originally Posted by PotVsKtl View Post
    Barrel.

    fukk.. right

    thanks for the catch Potty
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  9. #9

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    2nd joke:

    Rob has dentures and is going to get a hip replacement soon.
    He is like a Six Million Dollar Man who got change back.
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  10. #10

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    3rd joke:

    Here's a fun fact: More wildlife has perished in Rob's bathroom year to date than in the British Petroleum oil spill
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  11. #11
    old school zenidogx's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Hmm...

    Quote Originally Posted by bug on your lip View Post
    my 1st joke:

    roasting Rob isn't just like shooting fish in a fishtank
    it's like shooting a fukking whale shark in a shotglass
    Quote Originally Posted by bug on your lip View Post
    3rd joke:

    Here's a fun fact: More wildlife has perished in Rob's bathroom year to date than in the British Petroleum oil spill
    Roasting Rob isn't like shooting fish in a barrel, it's more like dumping oil in the barrel.
    Last edited by zenidogx; 07-03-2010 at 10:38 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by KungFuJoe View Post
    Here is all I'll say about borders ... the Los Angeles Angels.

  12. #12
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    You need to weave in snippets from these (or similar) lyrics throughout your speech. In a, you know, subtly mocking way. in between your 'jokes'.

    When I was a young boy,
    Said put away those young boy ways
    Now that I'm gettin' older, so much older
    I love all those young boy days.
    With a girl like you,
    With a girl like you,
    Lord knows there are things we can do, baby,
    Just me and you.
    Come on and make it

    CHORUS:
    Hurt so good.
    Come on baby, make it hurt so good.
    Sometimes love don't feel like it should.
    You make it hurt so good.

    Don't have to be so exciting.
    Just tryin' to give myself a little bit of fun, yeah.
    You always look so invitin'
    You ain't as green as you are young
    Hey baby, its you.
    Come on, girl, now, its you.
    Sink your teeth right through my bones, baby.
    Let's see what we can do.
    Come on and make it

    Chorus

    I ain't talkin' no big deals
    I ain't made no plans myself.
    I ain't talkin' no high heels
    Maybe we could walk around all day long,
    walk around all day long.

    Chorus x2
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  13. #13
    Coachella Junkie
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    How "mean" are you allowed to be? I'm assuming everything goes, based on the qualities you've listed.

  14. #14
    Coachella Junkie Blinken's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    "It really is too bad that you can't get fired from the music business for sexual harassment. It would have saved our ears from a lot of bleeding, and your kids probably wouldn't have turned all goth on us."
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    The Smiths - makes me think bin Laden has a point.

  15. #15
    old school
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Something about rob being so hungry and sounding like Eddie vedder, ie rob does a better sounding vedder humming "I'm going hungry" while gumming a tranny in a bus station bathroom just to get pizza and beer because he cant hold down a job.

  16. #16
    Member fiyahhh!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Rob loses jobs like he loses teeth.

  17. #17
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Quote Originally Posted by bug on your lip View Post
    just broke up with his gf because he "wasn't feeling it"
    messy, never cleans
    maybe girlfriend actually broke up with him because she "wasn't feeling it"...due to his tootsie roll dick.

  18. #18
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Quote Originally Posted by fiyahhh! View Post
    Rob loses jobs like he loses teeth.
    haahaaaa
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  19. #19
    Wheelchair Epidemic hawkingvsreeve's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Rob will be turning 40 soon, which is about the same number of jobs he's lost in the past three months.

    Rob has recorded about 6 albums now, and with influences like JCM and Eddie Vedder I'd rather listen to Heller Keller being eaten alive by a pack of wolves while singing Michael Bolton's entire discography.

    Rob used to dream of marrying a girl named Diane and buying a little pink house together. Now he's changing little pink ink cartridges.
    Quote Originally Posted by obzen View Post
    Giant. Fucking. Bjork. Buttons.
    last.fm

  20. #20
    Member digitaldragon03's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    I am currently fucking Rob's ex girlfriend. Now im "feeling it".

  21. #21
    Member fiyahhh!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    One day Rob came up to me and said "Bug, I just don't get my kids lately. I asked them why they dress the way the do and they said it's emo style dad. What does that word even mean?" So I started to explaing emo to him and he says "no, that second word that starts with an s". Oh, you mean style???


    Rob works at HP. When he applied he thought HP stood for hot pizza.

  22. #22
    old school Somewhat Damaged's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Too bad Randy's banned. This thread calls for his particular talent.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    "Soon they'll hear my words," he thought, "and they will know that roboto's side-splitting reign of ha-has has begun."

  23. #23

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    OK..

    Using these so far

    MORRRR MORRRRR !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by fiyahhh! View Post
    Rob loses jobs like he loses teeth.
    Quote Originally Posted by hawkingvsreeve View Post
    Rob used to dream of marrying a girl named Diane and buying a little pink house together. Now he's changing little pink ink cartridges.
    Quote Originally Posted by fiyahhh! View Post

    Rob works at HP. When he applied he thought HP stood for hot pizza.

    remember that Office episode where Michael wants a roast of himself, then he gets all butthurt about it once the jabs start flying?..
    that's exactly what will happen 2nite..

    Rob is asking comedians and other people to roast him.. but he will end up losing it & will probably end up breaking things in the bar

    it's going to be awesome
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  24. #24
    Coachella Junkie Alchemy's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Have you guys seen Rob's kids? They're dressed unfortunate, sure, but when they're standing next to Rob, it's like they're dressed up for a night at the Oscars.

    Rob had his teeth and hip replaced so we probably should't get too attached to him. After 40 years of beer and pizza every day, we'll probably have to get the rest of him replaced soon.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    I try to be politically pc more than most here: As a dude, anyone who could put a shark up a gals pc body, is pretty creepy, different and interesting. Just saying big time ..... cr****

  25. #25

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Quote Originally Posted by Alchemy View Post
    Have you guys seen Rob's kids? They're dressed unfortunate, sure, but when they're standing next to Rob, it's like they're dressed up for a night at the Oscars.
    <3 this one

    other one kinda has an awkward delivery to it
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  26. #26
    old school buddy's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Rob has two kids who dress emo and goth. If Rob was my dad, I'd fuckin' hate life too.

  27. #27

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    another joke i thought of this afternoon:

    We have a couple of Rob's ex's in the house... can we all take a moment and applaud them? (get people to clap).. i mean the bravery... to see rob naked... it's amazing they didn't lose their will to live & could still join us tonight..

    But actually seeing Rob naked did have side effects.. both of these fine ladies lost their sense of sight, their sense of taste, their sense of smell, they joined a convent and became lesbians.
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  28. #28

    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    another:

    Rob had his little radio show called "Rob wonders why" where he mused about various topics then laugh at his own jokes..
    it was torturous to listen to. Darfur is funnier than "Rob Wonders Why"
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  29. #29
    old school buddy's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    Rob is actually a pretty creative guy. He's been a stand-up comedian in New York, and a musician who has recorded six albums. Unfortunately, Rob's gotten more laughs from his albums than he ever did as a stand-up comic.
    Last edited by buddy; 07-03-2010 at 04:12 PM.

  30. #30
    Triple Whore TheScenestar's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me ROAST someone 2nite

    http://www.thescenestar.com

    Quote Originally Posted by ThomThom View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by sonofhal View Post
    Maybe more people would give a shit if he died two weekends in a row.

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