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Thread: The Office Space Thread

  1. #211
    old school daxton's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by koryp View Post
    I'm going through applications for some new positions I posted and found this gem.
    Kory, a friend (who posts here) recently forwarded me his friend's resume for comedic purposes. Here is an excerpt:

    Special Skills:

    Photoshop, HTML Web Design, Copywriting, Graphic Design, Fixed Gear Bike Rider, Word, Excel, Amateur Chef, Ambidextrous (Write with Left Hand), Licensed Driver.
    Quote Originally Posted by spinecraft View Post
    sometimes i feel like i don't have a partner

  2. #212
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by daxton View Post
    Kory, a friend (who posts here) recently forwarded me his friend's resume for comedic purposes. Here is an excerpt:

    Special Skills:

    Photoshop, HTML Web Design, Copywriting, Graphic Design, Fixed Gear Bike Rider, Word, Excel, Amateur Chef, Ambidextrous (Write with Left Hand), Licensed Driver.
    I would totally interview this person just for lulz.
    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

  3. #213
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    This lady just asked me to spell out "real estate." Wtf?
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  4. #214
    Coachella Junkie sin213's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    there should be a special place in hell for people who leave the copy machine on offset collate.
    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    1. this one girl's laugh makes me stabby. it sounds like she's trying really had to have a cute laugh and sounds totally fake.

    2. STOP SCRATCHING YOUR LEG THROUGH YOUR TIGHTS WHEN I AM IN THE GODDAMNED ROOM. AHHHHHH, THE NOISE.

    3. i'm in a terrible mood today. too many requirements, too little time.
    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    i just got told it's crunch time and we need to watch our time off, and was then told we need to schedule out our time off by the end of the month. IT'S A TRAP!
    sooo....things are going well over there? lolz. it's pretty bad all across the company right now...

    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    This lady just asked me to spell out "real estate." Wtf?
    shoulda told her "reel ehstate"


    so i'm pretty close to gettin out of my current job. i've been lookin for the last few months and interviewing here and there. my job isn't in danger, so its afforded me the ability to be somewhat picky, which is nice.

    the funniest thing about the hunt tho...which is why i'm posting here...is the amount of contractor/external positions that would land me right back with the same company i work for, making about 3-5x more than i make now...yet they treat their current employees like crap and have instituted a hiring/promotion freeze. wtf?!? why not look for talent in your current pool and promote, rather than pay out the ass for a contractor to come in and do a shitty job that will have to be fixed/supported by your internal staff anyways? damn company must have 1st graders runnin the show around here....

    /rant
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  5. #215
    Member DANCE MAGIC's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    fucking video games are bullshit man.
    Quote Originally Posted by weeklymix View Post
    you shut your whorish mouth when talking about the sea king.

  6. #216
    Coachella Junkie Mr. Dylanja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by DANCE MAGIC View Post
    fucking video games are bullshit man.
    livin' the dream

  7. #217
    Coachella Junkie sin213's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go.

    the dream is livin'...
    Coachella 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11
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  8. #218
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    i'm glad to hear you have options. i don't like it as much as i used to, that's for sure. and FUCK CONTRACTORS.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  9. #219
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I work in the collections department for a major US bank so I get all sorts of funny/interesting/angry calls all day. The best ones are from people who immediately get upset even before you start talking about their account. Here's the latest one:

    Phone rings:

    Me: Thank you for calling (Bank name), this is Michael. How can I help you?
    Customer: Can I speak with Thomas?
    Me: Sure. May I please have your account number or social security number?
    Customer: (IRRITATED) Can you just transfer me?
    Me: I'd be more than happy to sir, but first I need either your account number or social secuity number
    Customer: (VERY IRRITATED) Really? Why?
    Me: Sir, you're calling a bank. When was the last time you called a bank and they didn't ask you for your account number or social?
    Customer: Hey. How about your shove it up your ass and go to Hell? (hung up)

    Classic.

  10. #220
    Coachella Junkie sin213's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    working at a bank/cc company as customer service was one of the worst jobs i've ever had in my life. there wasnt one day that went by that i didnt get cussed out or berated by customers.

    i get mad at people on the phone, but always tell them its not them personally, but that their company is really trying my patience. a lot of people attack the reps personally, though...which is so wrong. they have no control over what goes on...they are just the messenger...
    Coachella 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11
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    Mile High 09

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  11. #221
    Coachella Junkie Mr. Dylanja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    There's a pot luck today honoring Arizona becoming a state, they're doing KAROAKE.

    kill me now

  12. #222
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Arizona statehood instead of Valentine's Day as a theme? Odd.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  13. #223
    Coachella Junkie Mr. Dylanja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Western themed, everybody's in cowboy attire.

  14. #224
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Why is that bad? That sounds AWESOME.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  15. #225
    Coachella Junkie Mr. Dylanja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    have you ever done or heard karaoke sober, MissCo?

  16. #226
    Coachella Junkie sin213's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Dylanja View Post
    Western themed, everybody's in cowboy attire.
    wow...i'd be out of there asap. hate cowboy attire. shoulda called out sick, eh?
    Coachella 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11
    Lollapalooza 95, 96, 97, 03, 08
    Rock The Bells 07, 09, 10
    Sasquatch 10
    Bonnaroo 09
    Vegoose 07, RIP
    Mile High 09

    Upcoming Shows
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  17. #227
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Yes, and I would get such a judging-everyone boner if I were subjected to it at work. With cowboy costumes. I mean.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  18. #228
    Coachella Junkie PlayaDelWes's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I've cleaned up a lot of my inbox in Outlook today. By doing so, when I return to the forums, I find myself constantly trying to delete threads.
    Quote Originally Posted by dj12inches View Post
    What makes me qualified? I've watched EVERY fucking episode of American Idol, and every single episode of The Voice...Forget that I won departmental music awards when I was in the 8th grade choir.

  19. #229
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Things I've learned from doing tech support for people in Alabama.

    -You don't press a button, you mash it.
    , You don't plug a cable in, you plug it up.
    -You don't turn something off or on, you cut it off and on.
    -The thing you hold in your hand to control things is called a receiver. The thing that receives signals is a box.
    -People in Alabama are fucking retarded.

  20. #230
    Beefy Soft Taco TommyboyUNM's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    In New Mexico, the thing you hold in your hand to control things is called a clicker. Based on your musings, we're only slightly smarter than is Alabama.

  21. #231
    old school daxton's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    Things I've learned from doing tech support for people in Alabama.

    -You don't press a button, you mash it.
    , You don't plug a cable in, you plug it up.
    -You don't turn something off or on, you cut it off and on.
    -The thing you hold in your hand to control things is called a receiver. The thing that receives signals is a box.
    -People in Alabama are fucking retarded.
    What a blanket statement. Are people in England retards too because they call chips crisps and cookies biscuits?
    Quote Originally Posted by spinecraft View Post
    sometimes i feel like i don't have a partner

  22. #232
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    No, they are retarded because they can't follow basic instructions. The rest is just interesting.

  23. #233
    old school Robin's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by koryp View Post
    I'm going through applications for some new positions I posted and found this gem.
    .
    .
    .
    Just Wow!
    I may call this one in for an interview. After I check her references.
    People certainly do know how to impress, eh? I love how you're going to call the person in for comic relief.

    I work HR, so I get to see a lot of "below par" CV/Resumes.
    Received this one resume where the gentleman used "u" and "ur"

  24. #234
    old school daxton's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    No, they are retarded because they can't follow basic instructions. The rest is just interesting.
    The entire state of Alabama can't follow instructions.
    Quote Originally Posted by spinecraft View Post
    sometimes i feel like i don't have a partner

  25. #235
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TommyboyUNM View Post
    In New Mexico, the thing you hold in your hand to control things is called a clicker. Based on your musings, we're only slightly smarter than is Alabama.
    Clicker is perfectly acceptable. It clicks. It does not, however, receive anything. Its not that people actually call it a receiver. Its just that if you ask them to check the cable on the back of the receiver, they will say "it ain't got no cables...but I put new batteries in it."

    Which most of you will surely agree is pretty damn retarded.

  26. #236
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by daxton View Post
    The entire state of Alabama can't follow instructions.
    Have you ever heard of hyperbole?

    But yes...it is a much higher percentage than any other state, based on the people who contact me.

  27. #237
    Beefy Soft Taco TommyboyUNM's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I have $50 on daxton never having heard of hyperbole.

  28. #238
    old school daxton's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Of course I have. My god.
    Quote Originally Posted by spinecraft View Post
    sometimes i feel like i don't have a partner

  29. #239
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TommyboyUNM View Post
    I have $50 on daxton never having heard of hyperbole.
    She's even heard of hipérbole. She's from Louisiana not retarded fucking Alabama. We are like three places higher in the US ignorance rankings. Also better than Mississippi and Arkansas.
    Last edited by koryp; 02-15-2011 at 08:09 PM.
    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

  30. #240
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Kory is right. It's specifically Alabama. People in other parts of the south may use the same odd terms, but as a group, the Alabama calls are the ones that make me insane. Not EVERY call, but most.

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