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Thread: The Office Space Thread

  1. #181
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    You could do the receptionist.


    ba dum bum.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  2. #182
    Coachella Junkie shakermaker113's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by PlayaDelWes View Post
    So, I just forwarded my boss an org announcement that includes notice of me moving to totally different group.
    Long story short, I’ve been promoted to a pretty cool finance position and now have a team of 4 domestically, and 4 in India reporting to me. Should be interesting.
    enjoy the time difference.

  3. #183
    Coachella Junkie sin213's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    shit, he's their manager. they will have to be at meetings at whatever time they're told to be at meetings. jyeah
    Coachella 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11
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    Upcoming Shows
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  4. #184
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    someone just said to me "you're a concert junkie aren't you"
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  5. #185
    Coachella Junkie PlayaDelWes's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    and your response was?

  6. #186
    Coachella Junkie malcolmjamalawesome's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    someone just said to me "you're a concert junkie aren't you"
    That person seems boring.
    Quote Originally Posted by ruetheday View Post
    I don't fucking care. I don't even know who the hell Dave Wang is.
    Quote Originally Posted by Devin the Dude View Post
    you used to be that guy that just Dave Wang's everybody. that guy. he's gone now, and whoever you really are showed up, and that was utter disappointment.

  7. #187
    Member I.F.A.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Dear Constructors of Library Shelves,

    It would be a whole lot easier to calculate how many linear feet of shelving we have if the shelves had been built uniformly. Thank you for you quirky construction, and for making me have to measure each range individually.

    No love,
    The Librarian
    Quote Originally Posted by Alchemy View Post
    It is Joycian (if James Joyce were a Super Bitch).

  8. #188
    old school eskamo951's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I am once again the only person in my office doing any work. Had they not laid everyone off and instituted a hiring freeze, we could actually get stuff done. Instead, I'm on day 2 of inputting permits, calculating use fees, and checking insurance and 501c3 statuses by myself. This was a 4 person job at one point...
    Sean Penn Acid Test 2008 - Legendary

    2008 , 2009, 2010, 2011 , 2012 wk1, 2013 wk2. 6 years running!

    Hell or highwater, fire and brimstone, not even cancer is powerful enough to keep me from Coachella!

  9. #189
    Coachella Junkie shakermaker113's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I have, many times in the last few weeks, felt like I was in one of the office scenes from fight club. the earlier scenes, before he was fighting. sigh.

  10. #190
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    i bought fingerless gloves on my lunch break and am about to put on a second sweater. wtf?!
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  11. #191
    Coachella Junkie PlayaDelWes's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    So, my India team looks like they get to double dip when it comes to Holidays; 16 of them!

    17-Jan Martin Luther King Jr. Day
    26-Jan *Republic Day
    21-Feb President's Day
    4-Apr **Gudi Padwa
    14-Apr **Vaishaki
    22-Apr **Good Friday
    30-May Memorial Day
    15-Aug *Independence Day
    1-Sep **Ganesh Chaturthi
    5-Sep Labor Day
    6-Oct **Dussehra
    10-Oct Columbus Day
    26-Oct **Deepawali
    24-Nov Thanksgiving Day
    26-Dec Christmas Day (observed)
    30-Dec New Years Eve (observed)

  12. #192
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    if i hear rhianna one more god damned time...
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  13. #193
    thestripe
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    i bought fingerless gloves on my lunch break and am about to put on a second sweater. wtf?!
    I'm right there with you. Our heat has been inop for 2 days now. WTF.

  14. #194
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    there should be a special place in hell for people who leave the copy machine on offset collate.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  15. #195
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    there should be a special place in hell for people who leave the copy machine on offset collate.
    9th circle, 2nd round.
    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

  16. #196
    Coachella Junkie PlayaDelWes's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    An email from a few minutes ago.
    Based on new disclosure process – we require an email from everyone on the distribution list – please respond with one of three answers ASAP

    "I have read and reviewed the disclosures and have the following comments: …..”
    Or
    “I have read and reviewed the disclosures and have no comments.”
    Or
    “I have not read the disclosures …..”
    What if every part of your job was like this? Please check one ASAP:

    "I did the work and have some intelligent questions for you"
    Or
    "I'll pretend I did the work, but since I didn't, I have no questions or comments"
    Or
    "I didn't do the work"

  17. #197
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    1. this one girl's laugh makes me stabby. it sounds like she's trying really had to have a cute laugh and sounds totally fake.

    2. STOP SCRATCHING YOUR LEG THROUGH YOUR TIGHTS WHEN I AM IN THE GODDAMNED ROOM. AHHHHHH, THE NOISE.

    3. i'm in a terrible mood today. too many requirements, too little time.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  18. #198
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I just had the overwhelming desire to reply to an email from my boss with
    "tl;dr".
    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

  19. #199
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I do advanced technical phone support, and I work until midnight. Follow this logic...

    1)Company decides early in the day that my department is going to be understaffed from 8pm to midnight due to a event expected to drive call volume.

    2)Company decides to simply close the transfer lines to my department at 7:45 to avoid putting people in a long call queue. This is pretty standard procedure, but it's usually temporary.

    3)They give my department...the understaffed one...the option to go home early.

    4)Meanwhile, less-qualified people are now required to do my job...which increases their average call time, and therefore their hold queue gets longer.

    5)Those of us who refused to go home because we're broke get assigned to "overflow" calls. My phone starts ringing like mad, but it's all luck of the draw. So I get calls that are very basic and I can finish very quickly, while a guy who just started today might have to do my job.

    6)This is the best part...sometime after 9:30, my phone stops ringing. The theory is that a shift started somewhere in an overseas call center, eliminating the overflow. I make an outgoing followup call on a problem, catch up on some clerical details and then go take a break.

    7)I come back from break at 10, and I never answer the phone the rest of the night. Meanwhile, some guy in the Philippines is trying to do my job for 12% of my pay. For that matter, there are people within sight of my desk trying to do my job for about 20% less than I make, while I sit there.

    8)Finally, 100s, maybe 1000s of calls get under/poorly served because the people qualified to handle the calls were sent home or paid to sit and web surf.

  20. #200
    old school LickTheLizzard's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    I do advanced technical phone support, and I work until midnight. Follow this logic...

    1)Company decides early in the day that my department is going to be understaffed from 8pm to midnight due to a event expected to drive call volume.

    2)Company decides to simply close the transfer lines to my department at 7:45 to avoid putting people in a long call queue. This is pretty standard procedure, but it's usually temporary.

    3)They give my department...the understaffed one...the option to go home early.

    4)Meanwhile, less-qualified people are now required to do my job...which increases their average call time, and therefore their hold queue gets longer.

    5)Those of us who refused to go home because we're broke get assigned to "overflow" calls. My phone starts ringing like mad, but it's all luck of the draw. So I get calls that are very basic and I can finish very quickly, while a guy who just started today might have to do my job.

    6)This is the best part...sometime after 9:30, my phone stops ringing. The theory is that a shift started somewhere in an overseas call center, eliminating the overflow. I make an outgoing followup call on a problem, catch up on some clerical details and then go take a break.

    7)I come back from break at 10, and I never answer the phone the rest of the night. Meanwhile, some guy in the Philippines is trying to do my job for 12% of my pay. For that matter, there are people within sight of my desk trying to do my job for about 20% less than I make, while I sit there.

    8)Finally, 100s, maybe 1000s of calls get under/poorly served because the people qualified to handle the calls were sent home or paid to sit and web surf.

    Do you work for Cox?
    This ain't no middle of the mall shit.

    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    For Linkin Park this is kind of embarrassing, but this song would be great live if you just wanna have fun and grind on a girl.
    Diarrhea Planet 2015

  21. #201
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by LickTheLizzard View Post
    Do you work for Cox?
    No, and I can't say, but you're close.

  22. #202
    old school LickTheLizzard's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I guessed Cox because I have to put up with their bullshit every time I call. I also do inbound customer service for a large local company (I also live in Chandler), and god damn I know I do a better job than Cox does.
    This ain't no middle of the mall shit.

    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    For Linkin Park this is kind of embarrassing, but this song would be great live if you just wanna have fun and grind on a girl.
    Diarrhea Planet 2015

  23. #203
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I do a fantastic job, when they bother to send me calls.

    Don't get me wrong, it was nice to have a break.

  24. #204
    old school LickTheLizzard's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I know what you mean. We are currently in our slow season. I work 10 hr shifts, and take about 10 calls per shift. It's nice while it lasts.
    This ain't no middle of the mall shit.

    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    For Linkin Park this is kind of embarrassing, but this song would be great live if you just wanna have fun and grind on a girl.
    Diarrhea Planet 2015

  25. #205
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I'm going through applications for some new positions I posted and found this gem.

    Some of the highlights:

    Country
    UNITED STATE

    Skills and experience(this a multiple choice area of the application)
    .....

    Most recent employer section/ reason for leaving
    MNGR. WAS NOT PAYING ME

    May we contact this employer for a reference?
    Yes

    Supervisor's name
    EARL

    References
    SHAW
    ALTON
    TYRUS

    All the above references were listed as "friend"

    How did you find out about this position?
    Employee referral

    If you were referred by a current employee, enter their name and department.
    OPERATOR

    Just Wow!
    I may call this one in for an interview. After I check her references.
    Last edited by koryp; 02-07-2011 at 08:30 AM.
    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

  26. #206
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    i just got told it's crunch time and we need to watch our time off, and was then told we need to schedule out our time off by the end of the month. IT'S A TRAP!
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  27. #207
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I hate to say it, but we have not had a section meeting at my work in months, and I miss not having them. Morale at my work is low. We are in the middle of a merger with another company, so maybe that is why they stopped doing meetings.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  28. #208
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I'm taking a mental health day today.
    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

  29. #209
    Coachella Junkie Mr. Dylanja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    INZPERATIONAL ZZZPEECH!

  30. #210
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Dylanja View Post
    INZPERATIONAL ZZZPEECH!
    OK. Here's the one I led my Monday morning meeting with to get people thinking of better ways to fix some of our problems.

    As we go through this period of change, I'd like to start it with an old story I think can help set the tone. A sports team found itself having trouble remaining profitable and in looking for ways to cut costs, discovered it was spending a very high amount on soap and shampoo in the locker room. They had a practice of placing bottles of the preferred products in the showers for the team to use, but on average were replacing a bottle of each product every three days. When the manager went to the coach with the problem he indicated that this was because the players were simply taking the bottles home to use and he would restock them. The manager was irate and said they needed to fix this immediately. There was no way they could continue this practice. One month later the manager was looking over the budget and saw that they were now back on budget. Pleased with this he went down to the locker room to talk to the coach, but was dismayed when he saw the shampoo and soaps still in the showers. He approached the coach and complimented him on bringing the expense down, but was quite upset that he had not complied with the manager's method of doing it. He asked him " how did you control the cost yet still provide the products?" The coach looked at him and said "we took the caps off the bottles, that way they can't put them in their bags to take home." The best solutions don't come from management, they come from you.

    I have no idea how I did this without laughing the whole time.
    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

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