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Thread: The Office Space Thread

  1. #931
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    We have a system called Totalview that shows all our hours, and there is a small team of people who update it when we have vacation or sick time or overtime, whatever.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  2. #932
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I do tech support via chat. When we get a prank chat, we usually take the tactic of trying to bore them to go away. "Is there anything (our business) related I can help you with" over and over, things like that. But last week I got one that threw me off a bit, and I let it tick me off. That one was over quick, but then I got another one right away. I was annoyed with the first one, so when a chat came in under the name "Jigsaw", I decided to engage a bit. It went something like this.

    Jigsaw: Do you want to play a game?
    Me: Not particularly.
    Jigsaw: I'm going to give you a math problem, and if you don't answer it correctly, this machine will chop your head off.
    Me: That certainly would be a relief.
    Jigsaw: Do you want to play?
    Me: Let's do this.
    Jigsaw: X-837 *34 (or some such nonsense)
    Me: Am I supposed to solve for X in this?
    Me: It's not properly constructed.

    In hindsight, I wished I had said "I'm not going to do your homework for you, kid." At this point, my boss asked for it to be transferred to him. He let him ramble a few minutes and told him to go away. A few minutes later, a woman in another center got the same guy (we have an IM thread for everyone), so my boss asked for it back. He asked us what he should do with the guy. It was pretty slow at this point, so a lot of people I work with were free. One of them jumped on the IP lookup and figured out he was in Cleveland. My chat was pretty goofy, but the one with the other woman said stuff like "I'm going to kill your mother." None of us took him seriously, but we decided to tell him we had contacted the Cleveland police department for "threatening people across state lines" or something like that.

    Jigsaw freaks out.

    We figured we had some 12 year old scared pretty good, heart racing every time he hears sirens. He's trying to bargain with my boss, to get his to "pull the report". Eventually, my boss disconnects him. Another woman near me gets him right away, and he wants to talk to my boss again. He tells him the report has been filed and disconnects him. At some point, he left his desk and went to talk to someone. Then I get this chat, with a phone number attached. First thing we do is feed the phone number in to see if it's attached to an account, so we are always a bit distracted.

    John Daniels:Marcus, I'm sorry what I said to you.
    Me:I just joined the chat, John, what can I help you with? (At this point, I'm assuming it's him, but I have to wait to be sure.)
    John:It's the Jigsaw guy
    (pause) Me: OK.
    John:Can you see my address?
    Me: (playing dumb) This phone number is not on an account. Do you have your 16 digit account number?
    John: (my boss) said he filed a police report.
    Me: OK. Did you have anything (business) related I can assist you with?
    John: Do you have my information?
    Me: You just gave me your phone number.
    John: I just need to know if you can see where I am.
    Me: As I said, that number is not on an account.
    John: So you can't tell where I am?
    Me: I don't know what security does after we give them IP addresses. (Actually, they would probably stare blankly at them and continue to sit on their ass by the turnstiles.)
    John: Can I talk to (my boss)?
    Me: He's not available. We have a lot of other people who need help, did you have any other questions?
    John: Is he sitting near you?
    Me: It's a big center. (actually, my whole department sits in an area the size of my living room).
    John: I need to talk to him.
    Me:I'm going to have to disconnect if you don't have anything (business) related.
    John:You can tell him not to bother, because I'm turning myself in.
    Me OK. Thank you for using (company) chat, have a great night!
    (John disconnects).

    So, while that was going on, my friend finds this...

    Man Apologizes For Threatening To Sexually Assault Female Realtors

    Turns out the guy is still in prison. So the question is, is this guy still doing his shtick from the prison library? Did some kid take a name from the news to try to throw the blame? Is it a Green Goblin thing, with the guy's son trying to carry on his legacy? Funny thing is, we would have left it alone if he hadn't kept coming back, but we passed it up to corporate, and they really did wind up filing a police report.

    Today, we figured out he had chatted in a week earlier as Lebron James. When my teammate disconnected him, he reappeared a moment later as Kevin Durant and said "Why did you dis Lebron like that?" Moral: If you are going to prank a corporation, maybe don't mention killing anybody.

    tl;dr- Annoying person bothering me at work may have been a sex offender on a prison computer.
    Last edited by M Sparks; 08-13-2012 at 12:57 AM.

  3. #933
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I was given another new duty at work today. On top of all the other shit I do, I now get to train retired guys on proper email etiquette. Fun!
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  4. #934
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    omg i would love that.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  5. #935
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    omg i would love that.
    I am not thrilled, these guys barely know how to turn on their computers. I say stuff like copy and paste and they look at me like I am talking chinese. How will I explain the difference between cc, bc, reply all, etc. I do not have it in me, I can't even work up the energy to teach my own daughter to drive.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  6. #936
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    oh, i thought you meant shit like not being an asshole via email.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  7. #937
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Well that too, and how to properly format, what to say, use of punctuation. We hire guys who retired from the power plants to come in and do part time engineering, they are all very nice but clueless when it comes to this type of stuff.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  8. #938
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I run the email for the ESL program I work at and I never know if it's just laziness or a combination of laziness and poor English skills because some of the emails I get are so silly. So many excessive and unnecessary commas.

    The best is that I sometimes send out emails to the students with explicit instructions on something they need to do and then they come into the office and show me the email that they got on the phone without having read it. "Email says I gotta do something"

    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival
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  9. #939
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Marc, I loved your story. I can only imagine what I would have done had i been able to "prank chat' big companies at the age of 12.
    last.fm
    10/22/14 - TV On The Radio @ Regent // 11/9/14 - Bad Religion @ Mayan // 11/14/14 - Death From Above 1979 @ Regent // 11/16/14 - Lucero @ Echo

  10. #940
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    It's pretty sad that I am the one who has to teach this, my grammar and use of punctuation are horrible. Unfortunately, given his choices I am the most qualified. Awesome. I will do this in between counting people's pants.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  11. #941
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    The best is that I sometimes send out emails to the students with explicit instructions on something they need to do and then they come into the office and show me the email that they got on the phone without having read it. "Email says I gotta do something"

    This is both hilarious and completely infuriating.
    last.fm
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  12. #942
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    Well that too, and how to properly format, what to say, use of punctuation. We hire guys who retired from the power plants to come in and do part time engineering, they are all very nice but clueless when it comes to this type of stuff.
    I am imagining you having to say, "it's not okay to use the N-word in a company e-mail. And you have to stop referring to everyone as 'a bunch fa**ots"
    last.fm
    10/22/14 - TV On The Radio @ Regent // 11/9/14 - Bad Religion @ Mayan // 11/14/14 - Death From Above 1979 @ Regent // 11/16/14 - Lucero @ Echo

  13. #943
    Member EastLos01's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I was given another new duty at work today. On top of all the other shit I do, I now get to train retired guys on proper email etiquette. Fun!

    I did that for a while with Vets at the VA. It was really interesting hearing alot of their stories.
    You know, but that's valid because if we are all gonna die anyway shouldn't we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor insignificant preamble to something else.

    ---------------------------------------------------
    It's that tad bit of Crazy that keeps me Sane...

  14. #944
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    The budget analyst for one of my side jobs done fucked up and sent me a paycheck for 10 more hours than I worked and because it was her error they aren't even bothering to fix it. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival
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  15. #945
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    May wanna wait until your next check from them, just in case.

  16. #946
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Nope. Summer project, only getting the one check.

    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival
    10/22: Roman Flugel @ f8
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  17. #947
    old school Somewhat Damaged's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I am imagining you having to say, "it's not okay to use the N-word in a company e-mail. And you have to stop referring to everyone as 'a bunch fa**ots"
    "A bunch of fa**ots" is one thing, but "a bunch fa**ots" is just poor grammar.

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    The budget analyst for one of my side jobs done fucked up and sent me a paycheck for 10 more hours than I worked and because it was her error they aren't even bothering to fix it. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
    Awesome, love when that happens. When I left my last job in Tucson, they paid me my salary for the pay period after I had already left. I notified the manager, worried about trying to spend it in case they realized the problem and pulled it back out, and he gave me the phone number to the payroll guy I needed to talk to. I called the guy and got a message that he was on vacation. They only have 5 days from a direct deposit posting to pull it out of the account so his vacation meant the DD didn't get reversed. I left a message still but I'm assuming it got lost in the avalanche of voice mails he must've had when he returned because I never got a call.

    Marc: that story's so awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    In his defense I do remember there being an upsurge of black coworker on white coworker exlaxings in LA after Rodney King.

  18. #948
    old school Robin's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    The President, CFO, VP's, the Controller and my boss are all on a business trip for the rest of the week. Looks like I'll be coming in late, taking 2 hour lunches and leaving an hour early everyday.

  19. #949
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    It's union bargaining day at my work. The contract negotiations have begun, and we are all wearing our red union shirts. My union is CWA.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  20. #950
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Amy's union is why I switched my phone and internet to the cable company.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  21. #951
    MENACING Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Ha.

    I just received an e-mail from my old job about completely petty crap. They must have accidentally put my personal e-mail on the group list. So so glad I don't work there anymore. It's a wonderful feeling.

  22. #952
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Thanks for your support, Tom.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  23. #953
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    On Thursdays, the last day of my work week, I usually feel so guilty about having not done anything on the other days that I vow to shape up and become a model employee. Then I write out a to do list of everything I haven't done all week. Then I complete that to do list in an hour and wonder why I don't just bring a flask with me to work.

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  24. #954
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    All of my co workers have taken 1 and 2 week long vacations. I am leaving for two fucking days and they act like the world is ending.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  25. #955
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Job security.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  26. #956
    old school Robin's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Today, I watched Requiem for a Dream and The Hangover in my cubicle.

  27. #957
    old school JorgeC's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I complained to my boss for 20 minutes about doing something that only takes me 10 minutes to do. Yeah, i was "that guy" today. I just didn't want to have to give someone a report that was extremely rude when they asked for it. I should have just procrastinated and given it to her in a few days.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Which healthcare provider will euthanize you the fastest as a service to society?
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  28. #958
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by JorgeC View Post
    I just didn't want to have to give someone a report that was extremely rude when they asked for it. I should have just procrastinated and given it to her in a few days.
    the report was rude?

    Is it a her or a they? or a her with multiple personalities perhaps?
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  29. #959
    old school JorgeC's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    she is pretty weird and is very nice some days and a complete bitch other days, so i'm gonna say multiple personalities. The requestor, not the report.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Which healthcare provider will euthanize you the fastest as a service to society?
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  30. #960
    old school RageAgainstTheAoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Question for the slackers who are turning this into the workplace confessions thread: how do you have so much free time at work? Is business slow? I usually barely have time to eat a salad my desk let alone watch two movies. I know I'm probably in the minority here in that I really enjoy my job, but still...

    I'm not being judgey; just wondering how you get away with it.

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