The Office Space Thread

[chairmenmeow47]

adding the word "just" before telling someone to do something doesn't make it any easier.

[PlayaDelWes]

"all you have to do is..."
"should be pretty easy..."

[chairmenmeow47]

"all you have to do is..."
"should be pretty easy..."

EXACTLY! i always hear this one girl trying to explain how to do something and it includes tons of that shit.

[PlayaDelWes]

EXACTLY! i always hear this one girl trying to explain how to do something and it includes tons of that shit.

Also, ending any instruction, statement, or opinion with an ambiguously rhetorical ‘...Right?’

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

my receptionist says "you know" SO DAMN MUCH...at the end of sentences, in the middle of sentences, proceeding sentences...and when i am asking questions, the answers to which I definitely do not know, it can be a bit frustrating. I have to bite my tongue sometimes when i get an especially surprising answer and I want to say "No I DON'T KNOW!"

[koryp]

I found out today one of the departments I run will now report to a different vp than my other departments. More bosses! Fuck yeah!

[guedita]

Fixing your mangled stapler ain't in my job description, ma'am.

[MarkO]

Pregnant lady at work called 911 to see how fast the FD would get there if she had an emergency.

[miscorrections]

Someone at work asked me if I was a furry. And then told me that they're into "other things". Which sounds awfully ominous.

[PlayaDelWes]

My boss and I have been called into a 15 minute meeting with my boss’ boss at 9:45 called “Mandatory Touchbase”. With a short and ambiguous meeting it can only mean that I’m either being laid off, promoted, or transferred to another group.

[locachica73]

There is a great big dead cockroach on the floor next to the window in my office. It has been there for 2 days. None of the men have been around to dispose of it and I can't work up the courage to do it myself. I know it is dead but it is still disgusting. So I am leaving it there till either the little dog eats it or a guy comes around to get rid of it.

[koryp]

My boss and I have been called into a 15 minute meeting with my boss’ boss at 9:45 called “Mandatory Touchbase”. With a short and ambiguous meeting it can only mean that I’m either being laid off, promoted, or transferred to another group.

Since it's an early meeting and mid-week, not likely being fired. Good luck though. Let us know if anyone named Bob is there.

There is a great big dead cockroach on the floor next to the window in my office. It has been there for 2 days. None of the men have been around to dispose of it and I can't work up the courage to do it myself. I know it is dead but it is still disgusting. So I am leaving it there till either the little dog eats it or a guy comes around to get rid of it.

Since you won't be there much longer, you could make a game of seeing how long it stays there and leave it behind when you start a new job.

[chairmenmeow47]

i end up using it myself, but i hate saying "touch base". good luck with the meeting, playa. let us know how it goes.

[koryp]

Per my outlook calendar, I have two weekly standing "touchbases", one weekly "huddle", one biweekly "lunch and learn", a weekly "coffee call", and one monthly "chit chat". WTF!

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

Wait, "chit chat" is actually a business term? hahahahahaha. That's so great.

I admit that i use "touch base" somewhat frequently when it comes to hounding down clients, because it just seems to make sense and people know I'm talking about.

[PlayaDelWes]

Sorry, nothing too exciting to share.

My current boss is moving out of the LOB and now becoming the head of Technology. I now report to (on paper at least) a schmuck. I mean, he’s not just a schmuck on paper, but one in real life too. It’s just an ‘on paper’ relationship since I’m cast away on some special project and not really doing my day job anyway. And they gave me commitment that at the end of this special project, I’m moving out of my current role and into something new.

[locachica73]

Since you won't be there much longer, you could make a game of seeing how long it stays there and leave it behind when you start a new job.

I could do what I did when I left a particularly disgusting apartment complex, I can just collect all the dead ones and leave them in a pile on the kitchen counter.

[koryp]

Wait, "chit chat" is actually a business term? hahahahahaha. That's so great.

First showed up here about three years ago. Introduced by a CEO of one of our joint ventures. It is a multidivisional meeting with 50% of the meeting devoted to open discussion of items concerning all the service lines involved. I like to call meetings, meetings. I should send a decline answer and indicate I will only be attending meetings, inservices, and councils from now on.

[PlayaDelWes]

Per my outlook calendar, I have two weekly standing "touchbases", one weekly "huddle", one biweekly "lunch and learn", a weekly "coffee call", and one monthly "chit chat". WTF!

no "One on One's" ?

[bleep]

brown bag meetings piss me off. let me eat in peace.

[koryp]

no "One on One's" ?

Not yet. I did leave out the quarterly "Town Hall".

[PlayaDelWes]

I have an 'Open Line' at 1 today. It's kinda like a town-hall, but it's not.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

All of this jargon makes me somewhat more comforted in the fact that i am 'below the line,' so I never have to participate in any of this bullshit.

[chairmenmeow47]

brown bag meetings piss me off. let me eat in peace.

agreed. i just got one of those. cater or leave my lunch alone.

[I.F.A.]

agreed. i just got one of those. cater or leave my lunch alone.

Triply agreed.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I eat at my desk while working 8/10 days. Le sigh. On the bright side i have nothing to do today so i can listen to music in peace mostly undisturbed.

[Distorted_Jungle]

All of this jargon makes me somewhat more comforted in the fact that i am 'below the line,' so I never have to participate in any of this bullshit.

I agree.

[amyzzz]

Per my outlook calendar, I have two weekly standing "touchbases", one weekly "huddle", one biweekly "lunch and learn", a weekly "coffee call", and one monthly "chit chat". WTF!

We have "huddles" at my work. It seems to be a meeting that is 30 minutes or less. Anything longer than that is a full-fledged meeting.

[locachica73]

The owners wife finally picked up the dead roach, I no longer have to see it. YAY

[koryp]

Just got called out of a "touchbase" to attend a "tabletop" disaster drill. This is gonna suck!