The Office Space Thread

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

That is not what i was picturing when you described it earlier. Damn.

[eskamo951]

I was expecting a large industrial warehouse with pallets full of plates and dishes and I could just run around swinging a sledgehammer and kicking shit

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

That ^ is what I was expecting, too! It's the way a friend described it to me. She's dead to me now.

[chairmenmeow47]

Swear to god....

You know how people will use words when spelling something over the phone like... C as in Cat... T as in Tom... and so on.

This lady is spelling "Adept" P as in pony, T as in the pony

WTF

ha ha ha ha ha.

yesterday i got an email at 9:24 from a co-worker giving me a heads-up that since i was working at home, i didn't get the news that our director wanted a bunch of power points sent to her by 9:30. so i rushed to get them done. she didn't come into work until 2:00. i am SO glad she's not my boss anymore, what the FUCK?!

[Hannahrain]

$10 buys you a goodly amount of porcelain dreck at your friendly neighborhood Goodwill. All is not lost.

[eskamo951]

Thanks to the recession, the only mailing labels I can find are so old that they're not in the Microsoft Office label templates. I did not know there were any label formats omitted from the templates until now.

[JustSteve]

$10 buys you a goodly amount of porcelain dreck at your friendly neighborhood Goodwill. All is not lost.

can you hire one of the homeless people hanging out out front to come and clean up the mess that will be made when done?

[eskamo951]

My office is attached to a senior center and they have a crappy band for their Independence Day luncheon. I'm going to shoot myself. Also, wasn't that holiday 3 days ago? And they aren't handing out free food to those of use suffering through this injustice.

[eskamo951]

Memo
To: Park & Rec
Subject: Food in Banquet Room Freezer

Attention staff, a number of items have been left in the banquet room freezer at ______ Park. This items need to be removed by Friday or they will be sold to help staff pay their bills.
Thank you

[captncrzy]

I work with this person that always needs help at the end of the quarter with her one job responsiblity. Everyone has to drop whatever they are doing to help her. She spends the rest of the quarter yapping on the phone. She's yapping right fucking now.

[amyzzz]

I hate when I have to be open in the queue, I need to go to the bathroom, and all my other co-workers are on break. ARGH.

[locachica73]

The people I work for/with think I am amazing because I know how to work a computer and it doesn't take me an hour to complete the slightest task. I am starting to think the lady who was here before me must have had some mental issues or something. When people can be amazed by copy & paste you know something is up.

[lunatic core]

When ever I feel down about being a waiter I think back to how stupid and boring my office job was.
I spent an entire work week on xbox.com once, and near the end I was so bored I couldn't stand my ipod anymore.

[amyzzz]

I'd rather be bored than stressed. At least I can eek the time by here.

[locachica73]

I would rather be stressed and have a lot of work to do. I sit here all day on the internet reading news and playing freecell. The owners wife does the same. It just makes the day go by incredibly slow. Like right now, I feel like it should be time for happy hour already and it isn't even time for lunch.

[guedita]

The people I work for/with think I am amazing because I know how to work a computer and it doesn't take me an hour to complete the slightest task. I am starting to think the lady who was here before me must have had some mental issues or something. When people can be amazed by copy & paste you know something is up.

At my first job out of college (working for the same University I graduated from, no less), a couple of Directors of the Department I was in would freak out about how amazing I was at being able to make copies and type up documents. Then they would boast about how it must be because I attended the University that I was so skillful. At making copies. And spreadsheets.

[guedita]

Also, I just found out that our new employee, who has been giving me seriously creepy vibes this last week, has a large collection of dolls. In her office.

[locachica73]

Does she name them?

I just amazed someone with my ability to scan a document and attach it to an email. I ROCK!!!!

[guedita]

Does she name them?

I don't want to know, but I'm sure I will find out.

[amyzzz]

I hate people who don't use their vacation days. Give em to people who want em.

[chairmenmeow47]

i had a VP once that would make me come into his office everytime he needed a "fit to page" on a spreadsheet. i'd try to tell him it's one click and he'd just shake his head and say "job security". we also had an admin that double-clicked hyperlinks. and no one knew the difference between a CD-R and a CD-RW and were AMAZED that i could tell them. job security.

[locachica73]

The single click vs. double click thing drives me nuts. It isn't that difficult. You single click a link and double click a file/program to open/start. It isn't that difficult people. COME ON!!!!

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

I’m sort of a gate-keeper for all marketing and r&d proposals sent to my company. We get some odd ones, but trust the Germans to give us the creepiest one yet. This one came to me this morning from a gentleman in Berlin. Apparently the Germans have a different idea of what “family fun” consists of. His email stated…

Dear Lady and Gentle Man,

I would like to introduce you a new ice form! Attached you can find some pictures of my idea. I’m looking for a producer and marketer. Perfect for family fun! Currently I take new photographs of family enjoying new ice form. I will send soon.

I would happy to be hear from you!


And these were the attachments…

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

Holy moly that's the best e-mail ever.

[eskamo951]

i had a VP once that would make me come into his office everytime he needed a "fit to page" on a spreadsheet. i'd try to tell him it's one click and he'd just shake his head and say "job security". we also had an admin that double-clicked hyperlinks. and no one knew the difference between a CD-R and a CD-RW and were AMAZED that i could tell them. job security.

My job security is turning a Microsoft Office document into a PDF. I learned how to do this the first time they asked me to try.

My co-worker is back! I'm not longer doing a 3 person job on my own!

[chairmenmeow47]

excellent news! we are terribly, terribly slow right now. which is good because i have a big project proposal due today for school i'm having trouble finishing.

[locachica73]

I just showed a coworker how to email photos from his phone to himself so that he could then email the photos to someone else. He doesn't know what he would do without me. These guys build buildings but can't figure out how to use their phone or email. Amazing.

[miscorrections]

Why not just have him email the photos from his phone to the person? Why the intermediate step?

[locachica73]

Because he had 3 pictures on a camera and 8 pictures on the phone. He wanted to email them all at once instead of sending the owners rep 11 emails in a row. But either way would have worked.

[miscorrections]

Ah, that makes sense.