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Thread: The Office Space Thread

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  1. #1
    old school RageAgainstTheAoki's Avatar
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    Default The Office Space Thread

    MEMO

    To: All Office Workers
    From: Fellow Office Workers
    CC: All Coachella Message Board Members
    Date: May 27, 2010
    Re: Office Shenanigans


    Effective immediately, all amusing, odd, alarming, strange and/or infuriating incidents occurring at your office should be described in this thread. Contributors should be Coachella Message Board members who are currently employed in an office environment.

    To help reduce the number of unemployment benefit claims, please do not use actual names of companies, organizations or people. Please do not add identifiable photographs of your co-workers. Or, if you want to be a total retard, go ahead and do all those things.

    # # #


    The VP of HR just walked by my cube and told me that we were bringing in a “wellness consultant” next week and he would like me to meet with this consultant on Wednesday. He provided no additional details. I asked him what exactly was the purpose of the meeting and he told me “Oh, you’ll find out.” Obama death panel???

  2. #2
    Member BeaverCat's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    A lot of our office workstations are still on Windows 2000....
    When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

  3. #3
    old school djandrews25's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    My desk is near the office fax machine, so everyone likes to come to my desk and use my pen before faxing. This is slightly annoying so i spent about an hour of a work day to make a custom double dead ended pen. This has almost completely stopped the visits by my co-workers on their way to the fax machine and created good lulz when people still try it. Yeah, im that bored at work.


    Edit* One of my co-workers just asked how to spell lake.
    Last edited by djandrews25; 05-27-2010 at 10:38 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by juloxx View Post
    Shut the fuck up you pussy. If you dont get down with Westside Connection you have no credibility in the music world what so-ever. Get off these forums you *** *** and go bump your N'sync
    Quote Originally Posted by Goatchella View Post
    I'm down with westside connect....fail again

  4. #4
    Coachella Junkie boarderwoozel3's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by djandrews25 View Post

    Edit* One of my co-workers just asked how to spell lake.
    This was a great way to start the day, thanks.

    I haven't worked in a traditional office for some time but am starting a summer gig at an NGO so I'll likely have more material very soon.

  5. #5
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I've had this since I moved into my new office. I have to suppress my laughter any time someone ask to borrow it.
    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

  6. #6
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by koryp View Post
    I've had this since I moved into my new office. I have to suppress my laughter any time someone ask to borrow it.
    I have one too. I don't let anyone borrow it.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  7. #7
    old school djandrews25's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    I have one too. I don't let anyone borrow it.
    I put mine in my desk because it kept mysteriously disappearing.
    Quote Originally Posted by juloxx View Post
    Shut the fuck up you pussy. If you dont get down with Westside Connection you have no credibility in the music world what so-ever. Get off these forums you *** *** and go bump your N'sync
    Quote Originally Posted by Goatchella View Post
    I'm down with westside connect....fail again

  8. #8
    old school RageAgainstTheAoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Only 4 weeks into my new job and someone's already pilfered my stapler.

    Also, we had an all office lunch today and without any prompting from me 5 of my coworkers brought up Coachella. It's not a big office. 40 people tops. Hmm. Gonna have to watch myself on here.

  9. #9
    old school
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I had one of the mexicans detail my car for a 12 pack.

  10. #10
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Tecate?

  11. #11
    old school
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    cmon....budlight ese.

  12. #12
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    I have rarely seen a Mexican drink anything but Bud Light.
    last.fm
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  13. #13
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Two of my coworkers are dating and they are both horrible people that make racist remarks and give eachother fat sloppy kisses in the cube area I share with the dude.

  14. #14
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    My VP would never fuck around that way. Please stop spreading blatant lies about the way I run my organization.

  15. #15
    old school RageAgainstTheAoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    My VP would never fuck around that way. Please stop spreading blatant lies about the way I run my organization.
    Um, were you referring to me? I'm the only one who mentioned a "VP" prior to your post. Are we... co-workers??


    Excellent contributions, everyone. Some of you have dreadful co-workers. I've only been at my new job for about a month. I like all my co-workers so far, but perhaps it's too early to tell.


    I am so tempted to post the design submissions I received from a troubled young college student today; all in colored pencil. He wants to design merchandise for our stores. I think he needs to hire a designer. And an artist.

  16. #16
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RageAgainstTheAoki View Post
    Um, were you referring to me? I'm the only one who mentioned a "VP" prior to your post. Are we... co-workers??
    You said VP of...HR...it was a...nevermind.

  17. #17
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    He would have done it for a 6'er. Just show it to him next time.

    Where i live the Mexicans actually drink Mexican beer. For the most part.

  18. #18
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Can stories be told here about the office one may have previously worked at?

  19. #19
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    One time the girl said to the dude, "I saw a black guy wearing the same shirt you're wearing." and the dude said "I don't think black people shop at Abercrombie, babe."

  20. #20
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Another time they got into an argument because he didn't want to go to Olive Garden because the last time they went they Jew'd out on his pasta.

  21. #21
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    They go to the gym and tan every day.

    He has this sequined Ed Hardy shirt and she took the tags from it and put them up in her cubicle like decorations.

  22. #22
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    You should hang up some sort of ridiculous counterpart in your workspace. One of those color-coded Goodwill discount tags, maybe. But act all excited. These are from my boyfriend's shirt.

  23. #23
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    You need to take a fucking picture of that. Please. Of them. God I wanna see these people so bad.

  24. #24
    Member RoughSteez's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by full on idle View Post
    He has this sequined Ed Hardy shirt and she took the tags from it and put them up in her cubicle like decorations.
    Im so sorry you have to endure that.

    They fired the guy in the office that was like that 6 months ago. Nobody remembers him.
    Last edited by RoughSteez; 05-27-2010 at 02:41 PM. Reason: thread moved too fast
    waka waka

  25. #25
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Omg foi's office is the greatest drinking game ever.

  26. #26
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    meetings to revise letters & screenshots infuriate me.

    it would be a hell of a lot faster for people to take 15 minutes at their desk to read the text and then send off their notes to the editor. the editor can then review all the notes and make changes accordingly. or i don't know, maybe INVITE THE FUCKING EDITOR to the meeting so y'all don't spend fifteen minutes arguing about something only she can answer. i want to shoot everyone i was just in the room with, what a waste of fucking time.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  27. #27
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    meetings to revise letters & screenshots infuriate me.

    it would be a hell of a lot faster for people to take 15 minutes at their desk to read the text and then send off their notes to the editor. the editor can then review all the notes and make changes accordingly. or i don't know, maybe INVITE THE FUCKING EDITOR to the meeting so y'all don't spend fifteen minutes arguing about something only she can answer. i want to shoot everyone i was just in the room with, what a waste of fucking time.
    my favorite is when we have meetings about when to schedule meetings.

    Or when my boss calls in the freelancers to our engineers' meetings to take 20 seconds to tell them something and then tell them to go home. It's extremely difficult to send an email or call 3 people apparently. We have have to be face to face when we get reminders to make sure all the lights are off when we work graveyard shifts.
    last.fm
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    9/12-14/14 Riotfest - Humboldt Park, Chicago, IL // 9/18/14 Neutral Milk Hotel - Hollywood Bowl

  28. #28
    MENACING Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    My coworker has been talking to me for the past 20 minutes about how she had coffee with some guy from Bon Jovi who is neither Bon Jovi or Richie Sambora, but who once composed music for some broadway show. She keeps on talking even though I am now noticeably typing.

  29. #29
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Courtney View Post
    My coworker has been talking to me for the past 20 minutes about how she had coffee with some guy from Bon Jovi who is neither Bon Jovi or Richie Sambora, but who once composed music for some broadway show. She keeps on talking even though I am now noticeably typing.
    It's David Bryan (keyboards/piano). He wrote the score to Tennessee.

    Please do not ask me how I know this.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  30. #30
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Office Space Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Courtney View Post
    My coworker has been talking to me for the past 20 minutes about how she had coffee with some guy from Bon Jovi who is neither Bon Jovi or Richie Sambora, but who once composed music for some broadway show. She keeps on talking even though I am now noticeably typing.
    Wow.

    Cap'n, do you have a Bon Jovi tattoo?

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