Public Commentary on Private Messages

[miscorrections]

I probably wouldn't tell someone to reevaluate his priorities, which is sort of bitchy, but everything else seems reasonable.

[I.F.A.]

Yeah, but Courtney included non-verbal cues which I think are important to pay attention to in this sort of scenario - if the girl is not making eye-contact and inching away from someone, that should be a pretty big clue to that someone that their overtures are unwanted. I think that people have a right to not want to be bothered, and to not have to indulge other people in unwanted conversation - and I think that the described body language makes her discomfort clear. Sometimes being curt is the only way to get out of these situations, but equating curtness to bitchiness is, I think, the problem. Also, "bitch" is a label that almost exclusively gets applied to curt women. Were the scenario inverted, I don't think the guy would be taking blame for being a bitch - the blame would still, I think, be assigned to the woman for coming on too strong or something.

It's like telling some stranger that they need to smile - a statement that most frequently, I think, comes in the direction from a man to a woman (unsolicited and with no previous contact i.e.: I'm smoking a cigarette and reading a book - random guy says "you should smile - you're too pretty to frown"). First, the assumption is that the man in that scenario has the right to interrupt and demand a smile from a stranger. Second is the assumption that the woman should accede to that request. Third is the assumption that if she doesn't, she is a bitch. When I find myself in this situation, it always pisses me off a little, because my options are either to smile just to get them to leave me alone, or else be curt to get them to leave me alone (unfortunately, just saying "please leave me alone", even with the most neutral delivery, comes off as curtness) - either way, they have forced me in to a position in which I have to do something that I don't want to do. Is it the end of the world? No, but it is a small example of the power dynamics that exist in male/female interaction which seem designed to corner women in to the bitch label.

Also: I think this veers in to the question of when it is appropriate to try to initiate any sort of contact with someone. If they are intently studying a painting, reading a book, picking out produce, or doing anything that looks like it requires their attention: leave them alone until there is an obvious opening (they walk away from the painting, put down their book, move away from the produce... whatever).

[amyzzz]

People of both genders ask me to smile all the time. I don't smile much.

[I.F.A.]

Amyzzz, I defend your right to not smile.

[Hannahrain]

Sometimes being curt is the only way to get out of these situations, but equating curtness to bitchiness is, I think, the problem.

Saying "would you excuse me" and walking away without further explanation is curt. Saying "would you excuse me and also here's something that I've found to be wrong with you" is bitchy.

[I.F.A.]

Saying "would you excuse me" and walking away without further explanation is curt. Saying "would you excuse me and also here's something that I've found to be wrong with you" is bitchy.

Point taken. However, based on personal experience, had she just said "would you excuse me" and walked away, I think it's unfortunately likely he would have still interpreted it as her being a bitch.

[guedita]

I was sort of ready to write a bit of a manifesto detailing firstly how unfortunate it is that the kind of people (usually men) that get so seriously personally offended by my occasional sarcastic, mean-spirited remarks have somehow made it through life without any sort of capacity to envision themselves as subjects of potential humor and/or criticism, secondly on how typical it is that their mode of defense in such matters usually results in an attack on physical attractiveness--which in and of itself belies paternalism and misogyny--as a method of trying to establish control over how 'worth' for a woman can be defined, and thirdly, on how frankly the successes and happiness I have had and will continue to have in life are no doubt directly related to my willingness to be outspoken and my ability to give out and take a fucking a joke...

BUT YOU BITCHES WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT ART OR WHATEVER

[captncrzy]

Ed Hardy shirt guy would be looking for big tittied whore in the gallery, not cute bookish girl. Therefore, the entire scenario is invalid.

[amyzzz]

hahahaha

[GuyInTucson]

People of both genders ask me to smile all the time. I don't smile much.

[miscorrections]

What if you're a big tittied bookish girl? WHAT THEN?

[GuyInTucson]

Ed Hardy shirt guy would be looking for big tittied whore in the gallery, not cute bookish girl. Therefore, the entire scenario is invalid.

Incorrect. Ed Hardy shirt guy fucks anything that moves.

[amyzzz]

I never realized how much I resembled Daria before.

[sonofhal]

I assumed she was based on you.

[amyzzz]

Nah, she's much, much wittier than I. But thanks.

[rskapcat]

I wasn't aware guys with the kind of money it requires to have second homes for vacation purposes (tacky or not) wore Ed Hardy. Guess that crap appeals to a different demographic outside of Texas. But I'm also confused why the bookish girl is hanging out at a showing for art she hates. Wouldn't that be like purposely going to see a band you hate? I'M SO LOST.

[nosurprises12]

People of both genders ask me to smile all the time. I don't smile much.

See, this is what I immediately thought of when I read this (and other similar) comment:

[Courtney]

Ed Hardy shirt guy would be looking for big tittied whore in the gallery, not cute bookish girl. Therefore, the entire scenario is invalid.

What if you're a big tittied bookish girl? WHAT THEN?

What if you're a cute, bookish whore?

[downingthief]

What if you're a big tittied bookish girl? WHAT THEN?

SWOON

[Courtney]

I wasn't aware guys with the kind of money it requires to have second homes for vacation purposes (tacky or not) wore Ed Hardy. Guess that crap appeals to a different demographic outside of Texas. But I'm also confused why the bookish girl is hanging out at a showing for art she hates. Wouldn't that be like purposely going to see a band you hate? I'M SO LOST.

The Ed Hardy thing in Honolulu is weird, because of the Hawaii/Sailor Jerry connection and the dominant acceptance of tattooing as an artform here. Somehow that translates into people thinking that Ed Hardy is legitimate artistic expression. People are confused.

Also sometimes one does not know whether an art show will be good until you see. Much like how sometimes you go to a concert because you like the last album, but now the band has all these new songs and they are all horrible. Like Okkervil River.

[captncrzy]

What if you're a big tittied bookish girl? WHAT THEN?

What if you're a cute, bookish whore?

My head just exploded.

So did Sean's, I imagine.

[downingthief]

What if you're a cute, bookish whore?

DOUBLE SWOON

[captncrzy]

See. He's in the bathroom RIGHT NOW.

[koryp]

Congratutaions Cara! Great work.

Jen, there's still time left before the end of the year. I have faith you can make another run at the title.

[NachoCat]

The Ed Hardy thing in Honolulu is weird, because of the Hawaii/Sailor Jerry connection and the dominant acceptance of tattooing as an artform here. Somehow that translates into people thinking that Ed Hardy is legitimate artistic expression. People are confused.

I've always found that Hawaii is about 2-3 years behind on everything, especially fashion. Its like a fuckin timewarp

[TomAz]

these last two pages have been great reading. yay for bookish big titted cunts.

[guedita]

NachoCat only wore Ed Hardy when it was cool.

[ivankay]

I'm also sort of annoyed that Cara is the new board cunt. Marriage has softened me.

Sig worthy.

[koryp]

these last two pages have been great reading. yay for bookish big titted cunts.

This made me visualize a very disturbing image.

[NachoCat]

Cara I propose you substitute the chicken hat for the Cunt Crown next year. Can we get someone draw up a prototype?