The Thread In Which We Post Our Facebook Friends' Annoying Status Updates

[RedHotSgtPeppers]

Attachment 6328

That made me laugh harder than it should have. I feel all dirty inside now.

[algunz]

Not from my Facebook but worse than that . . .

My sister-in-law's brother (who I graduated from high school with and is one of my brother's best friends) married a girl that is at least 10 years younger than him. She is 6 months pregnant. She had a miscarriage this time last year and since then she has been reborn. She spent Easter with her family in Bakersfield, but she nicely sent plastic eggs stuffed with jelly beans and the following poem attached for the kids at our family gathering. Jesus' story is so awesomely morbid. The bible might just be the best horror story ever written. Izzy was creeped out. I laughed.

The Jelly Bean Prayer
Red is for the blood He gave.
Green is for the grass He made.
Yellow is for the sun so bright.
Orange is for the edge of night.
Black is for the sins we made.
White is for the grace He gave.
Purple is for His hour of sorrow.
Pink is for the new tomorrow.
A handful of jellybeans
Colorful and sweet
Is a prayer, a promise,
A loved one's treat!
Happy Resurrection Sunday!

[juloxx]

Are you supposed to say that in front of a mirror at midnight or something?

[algunz]

While stuffing your face with black licorice jelly beans

[lt.roast.a.botch]

Thats why I dont do religion.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

well actually, just one of many reasons why I don't do religion.

[lunatic core]

From an ex co-worker of mine

There is one thing I simply can't wrap my head around is y so many ppl that aren't Christians celebrate Easter and Christmas...mayb It's jus me

She eventually got frustrated by the answers and added this.

I'm done with this topic cuz very few ppl understand wat I'm actually sayin.

[xuclarockerx]

Well I can sort of relate...I think Easter is a weird holiday in that there's no real secular component aside from eggs & rabbits (if you're 7). It's basically a pretty damn religious holiday, yet I know half the people updating "Happy Easter!!1" on FB didn't go to church (neither did I, FYI)

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

The Jelly Bean Prayer
Red is for the blood He gave.
Green is for the grass He made.
Yellow is for the sun so bright.
Orange is for the edge of night.
Black is for the sins we made.
White is for the grace He gave.
Purple is for His hour of sorrow.
Pink is for the new tomorrow.
A handful of jellybeans
Colorful and sweet
Is a prayer, a promise,
A loved one's treat!
Happy Resurrection Sunday!

This is like the opening of a black metal song. it's so awesome

[nathanfairchild]

[algunz]

Izzy and I have created several alternate versions.

A Jelly Bean Sonata
Red is for the bricks to throw.
Green is for the sickly ho.
Yellow is for the pee we share.
Orange is for the stinky bear.
Black is for the skid marks near.
White is for the truth we fear.
Purple is for the bruising eyes.
Pink is for the eggs and flies.
A handful of jelly beans
Rank and rotten
Is a sign, an omen
Of the better treats we should have gotten.
Happy black jelly beans suck day!

[rskapcat]

Black is for the sins we made.

The sins are my FAVORITE.

[faxman75]

Is anyone else having issues with facebook today? I'm having problems uploading photos, signing onto spotify on my phone, staying connected to facebook and playing scrabble with friends. All of this shit is synced with facebook so i'm assuming it's all their fault.

[juloxx]

Facebook is about to release its lineup

[fetuspiniata]

This is like the opening of a black metal song. it's so awesome

lol... I'm getting my friend who is in a metal band to make a song with those lyrics!

[heyeric]

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!



Edit: His "uncle" who owns the collective is the father of the girl pissed off, who's child is the god daughter of the guy who posted this. She's also really irritated because of the no fat chicks comment. She has problems with her father, while her baby's god father(the one who posted this) wont ever side with her...this feud has been going on for months now.

[Mugwog]

San Gabriel Valley: Assuring you trash is rampant throughout LA County

[HandBanana]

And then out of nowhere, this cougar mom lady I am FB friends with got a new phone she didn't quite understand how to use and accidentally uploaded a bottomless pic that was clearly meant for someone else up onto her wall.

[RedHotSgtPeppers]

And then out of nowhere, this cougar mom lady I am FB friends with got a new phone she didn't quite understand how to use and accidentally uploaded a bottomless pic that was clearly meant for someone else up onto her wall.

Please tell me you saved it. And then PM it to me.

[TallGuyCM]

George Takei is single-handedly winning Facebook, one post at a time.

[kitt kat]

‎"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

Emphasis mine.

Erm, because pink is....imaginary? Huh? What?

[lt.roast.a.botch]

Its an Audrey Hepburn quote but that's about as much as I can help you on the emphasized part.

[Alchemy]

There's stuff that comes before that: "I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

I think she's saying that she advocates the wearing of pink.

[locachica73]

Have Compassion...; ) (Day3 of prayer)

Philippians 2:1-3 - 1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Apparently I get to read 40 days of prayer... I need to do a facebook cleaning.

[faxman75]

Bridge:

For the past few minutes I have been standing in line at a currency exchange watching two kids crawl on the ground. The mom just gave then change for the candy machine which they transfered from their hands to their mouths. Absolutely gross I can't believe I'm seeing this.

Bridge:

Must look like the type of person who gets intimidated or will do whatever people want when you yell in my face or throw a fit. That's such a misconception since I have no need to be liked.

[rodStewart]

What did I just read?

[ramblinon]

What did I just read?

Welcome to my world.

[ods..]

That's a pretty terrifying short story. The fact that she deliberately avoids what was actually said "i blacked out during", "ponder the circus freakshow that just went down" "eventually someone cursed me out and threw things near me and then ran away from the meeting".

Like what the fuck happened in there.

Also, what does she do???

am totally in the middle of getting fired from.....something really important that basically I cannot get fired from. The job saved my Life and in the job I save other people's Lives, I truly do, so....it's definitely quite the "WTF" situation.

Quite!

[cured]

Welcome to my world.

I think we need to hear more from this one. Got a greatest hit?

[JustSteve]

please request the video and post it here.