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Thread: Marry Us...

  1. #1
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Marry Us...

    As some of you are well aware, Rick (Somewhat Damaged) and I are getting married on November 5, 2010. Neither of us is religious; we want a simple, personal and quick ceremony. However, most of the officiants in our area either only seem to do religious ceremonies or look like douchebags (just do a search on wedding officiants in Phoenix and you’ll see what I mean).

    I’ve always thought it would be cool to have someone that knows us (sort of) conduct my wedding ceremony and lead us through our vows. At the same time, I want the people that I’m close with to be guests at our wedding and not have the worry of performing at it. So we figured, why not one of you guys/gals? Better someone we’ve probably gotten into an internet fight with than some bible-banger stranger that does it for money. And since we need to book an officiant so far in advance, we figured we'd look here first.


    To qualify:
    • Submit a 1000 word (or less) essay on why you should be the one to perform our wedding ceremony next year. You MUST post this essay on the board for public viewing and scrutiny. The due date is October 31, 2009. We will announce the big winnar by November 15, 2009.
    • Be willing to do what is necessary in order to perform and/or certify a wedding ceremony in the state of Arizona (the reason that we’re doing this so early is so you have time to go through the necessary steps with the state and block the date on your calendar). I have no idea what this is (you probably just have to get certified with some internet church) so you’ll have to do your own research as well. We will pay for this.
    • Write your own ceremony script and submit for approval by August 1, 2010.
    • Get yourself out here and back (if you’re from out of town). If you're coming from far away, I can probably help you out with a standby ticket.
    • We need to have met you in person before or be willing to spend a little time with us at the festival this year so we can make sure you’re not an asshole.


    This essay contest winner will receive:

    • Free food and drinks at the wedding and the opportunity to pal around with some elusive boardies (like suprefan)
    • A nice hotel room for the night (if you’re coming from out of town)
    • The ability to perform future weddings for fun and profit (you know, since you’ll be certified and all)


    If you’re already a known guest (you probably know who you are), you probably won’t qualify unless you make a compelling case. We just want to make sure that our guests are able to have fun with no pressure. Also, please know that our wedding is going to kick freaking ass and you’ll have a good time.

    Bye for now.
    Last edited by captncrzy; 09-21-2009 at 02:14 PM.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  2. #2
    Coachella Junkie Aurgasm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    interesting....
    Rhythm is a dancer.

  3. #3
    Young blood
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Do You?

    Do You?

    Badda Bing Badda Boom. Go get a fucking room.

  4. #4
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Do you guys already have a honeymoon night photographer lined up?

  5. #5
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  6. #6
    Coachella Junkie MissingPerson's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAW!

  7. #7
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    What happens when you become knocked up and decide all the obstetricians in town are douchebags?

  8. #8

    Default Re: Marry Us...

    My Essay:


    Cuz I rule and have many gundam models.

  9. #9
    Wheelchair Epidemic hawkingvsreeve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    Rick (Somewhat Damaged) and I are getting married on November 5, 2010.....

    ......We will announce the big winnar by November 15, 2010.

    Clarification needed.
    Quote Originally Posted by obzen View Post
    Giant. Fucking. Bjork. Buttons.
    last.fm

  10. #10
    Coachella Junkie Aurgasm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    can i be cleverly obscene in my writing?
    Rhythm is a dancer.

  11. #11
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    Do you guys already have a honeymoon night photographer lined up?
    Calm down; there will not be any gay sex on our honeymoon.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  12. #12
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by hawkingvsreeve View Post
    Clarification needed.
    Fixed. Thanks.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  13. #13
    Young blood
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    Calm down; there will not be any gay sex on our honeymoon.
    Will there be at the wedding?

  14. #14
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    What happens when you become knocked up and decide all the obstetricians in town are douchebags?
    Fuck obstetricians. I'll deliver it myself. All you need to do is squat in the water.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  15. #15
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by Young blood View Post
    Will there be at the wedding?
    Depends. Are you available?
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  16. #16
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by forzapalermo04 View Post
    can i be cleverly obscene in my writing?
    Sure...but aren't you going to be in Egypt by then?
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  17. #17
    Wheelchair Epidemic hawkingvsreeve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    More importantly- band or dj?
    Quote Originally Posted by obzen View Post
    Giant. Fucking. Bjork. Buttons.
    last.fm

  18. #18
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    Calm down; there will not be any gay sex on our honeymoon.
    I'd make a joke about your mannish good looks here, but hey, it's your special day.

  19. #19
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by hawkingvsreeve View Post
    More importantly- band or dj?
    Boardie DJ--only playing music from concerts we've been to together.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  20. #20
    Young blood
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    Depends. Are you available?
    Sweet im invited.

  21. #21
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  22. #22
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    I'd make a joke about your mannish good looks here, but hey, it's your special day.
    Just because your boobs are bigger than mine doesn't make me mannish.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  23. #23
    Wheelchair Epidemic hawkingvsreeve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    Boardie DJ.
    Hmmm. I dunno.
    Quote Originally Posted by obzen View Post
    Giant. Fucking. Bjork. Buttons.
    last.fm

  24. #24
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    I see a Maury episode brewing.

  25. #25
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Will Aoki be invited?
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  26. #26
    Cobra psychic friend's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    so not going to get married at coachella?
    .................................................. ..............
    She added the phrase "meany head" to my profile.
    I hardly think I'm an attention whore.
    I train birds of prey and am I licensed falconer

  27. #27
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by hawkingvsreeve View Post
    Hmmm. I dunno.
    Re-read my post; I edited it..

    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    I see a Maury episode brewing.
    Maury only does baby daddy episodes. I know because I watch regularly.

    Quote Originally Posted by fatbastard View Post
    Will Aoki be invited?
    Fuck that hippie

    Quote Originally Posted by psychic friend View Post
    so not going to get married at coachella?
    No decided to nix; didn't want to put on a fake show for the sake of putting it on. You should come as Mike's date.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  28. #28
    Coachella Junkie boarderwoozel3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    What are the odds of posting the the essays you receive? You know, for the lulz.

  29. #29
    Young blood
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    Quote Originally Posted by psychic friend View Post
    so not going to get married at coachella?
    I would yell DONT DO IT the whole time.

  30. #30
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marry Us...

    All essays must be posted here for public viewing.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

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