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Thread: E-Mails From An Asshole

  1. #1
    The Fro PassiveTheory's Avatar
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    Default E-Mails From An Asshole

    http://dontevenreply.com/

    This is my favorite:

    Original ad:
    I am trying to get 2 tickets to the Nationals vs. Red Sox on Thursday, June 25th. I'm willing to pay up to $40.
    From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org

    Hello, I do not have tickets to the Nationals, but I do have a video tape of my 7-year-old's little league team game last week. He plays for the Arby's Allstars, and they beat the Smith Hardware Little Leaguers. I am sure it will be way more entertaining than watching the Nationals get their ass whooped for the 49th time this season.

    From austin ******* to Me

    Fuck yourself, asshole.

    From Mike Partlow to austin *******

    Austin, my 7-year-old son was on the computer and he read your very offensive e-mail. Now he is going around telling everyone to "fuck themselves." Me and my wife tried to raise him to be a kid who doesn't curse, but thanks to your profanity, he thinks it is okay. I demand an apology from you.

    From austin ******* to Me

    You want my apology? Go fuck yourself.

    From Mike Partlow to austin *******

    I did have the tickets; I was just messing around with you. They were good seats - 10 rows back from third base. I was going to sell them both for $30. I would rather burn them, however, if you don't apologize. If you do apologize, the tickets will be yours.

    From Mike Partlow to austin *******

    I'm waiting...

    From austin ******* to Me

    I'm sorry about your kid.

    From Mike Partlow to austin *******

    Hah, what a sucker. I made you look like little bitch in front of my 7-year-old son. I don't actually have any tickets. Thanks for helping me teach my son a lesson about how not to keep your dignity.

    Mike
    Upcoming Shows:
    * Dillon Francis + Anamanaguchi -- December 28th

    Going to Weekend 1 of Coachella 2014


    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Cara. Don't judge a man for not being able to formulate a coherent thought. On an internet forum of all places.

  2. #2
    Entry level Alt kitt kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    DOG WATCHER WANTED! we are leaving town for a week and need someone to take care of our 6-year-old rottweiler. he is very friendly! we are looking for someone trustworthy with experience, so we will need references. will pay $30 per day. email if interested!
    From Tyrone Jackson to ************@******.org
    yo wat up! i saw your ad looking for someone to take care of your rottweiler. ill do it no problem. i live in the area and can pick him up.

    From Tanya ****** to Me
    tyrone do you have any references? can you tell us a little about yourself?

    From Tyrone Jackson to Tanya *******
    yea i got some references. you can talk to my bro devon, or my associate g-ice. ill have them hit u up. a little about myself: i love taking care of dogs and shit

    now you said your rottweiler is friendly. how friendly is he? would he be able to fight another dog if they were both put in a ring? just wonderin.

    also can you pay me the money up front straight cash? i need it to enter in a contest.

    From Tanya ****** to Me
    I dont want you watching my dog!!!! find someone else for your dog fighting ring sicko!!!!!!!

    From Tyrone Jackson to Tanya *******
    whoa whoa slow yo role! who said anything about dog fighting? i was just wondering if your dog could protect itself, in case an angrier dog tries to start some shit while im walkin him. you need to chill the fuck out and stop jumpin to conclusions

    From Tyrone Jackson to Tanya *******
    look you triflin bitch just gimme the dog. i need it, the fight is tonight! ill pay you 200 cash plus 20 percent of whatever i win

    From Tanya ****** to Me
    STOP IT


    A few hours later...



    From G Ice to Tanya ******
    ay yo wat up woman, its ya boy tyrone's boy G Ice. tyrone was sayin he needed a reference for ur dog babysittin job so here i am. tyrone be great with dogs. he loves em so much and will care the shit out of them. my boy tyrone is definitely the right man for the job, i aint playin

    From Tanya ****** to Me
    GO AWAY

  3. #3
    Member Cancersticks1's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    that site is great, i put one of those in the "next time you try to look hot..." thread too. The Jurassic park bronco is my favorite.
    "Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother."

  4. #4
    Young blood
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    Thats sum funny shit yo.

  5. #5
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    For a second I was like, "When the fuck did I ever email PassiveTheory?"
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  6. #6
    Young blood
    Guest

    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    for a second I though Randy was funny. "LOL OMG RANDY IS FUNNY......oh wait he's not. pussy."

  7. #7
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    How you manage to be so witty with just one hand is always impressive.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  8. #8
    Young blood
    Guest

    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    How you manage to huff so much dong is beyond me.

  9. #9
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    Bug's Sister taught me.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  10. #10
    Young blood
    Guest

    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    slut.

  11. #11
    The Fro PassiveTheory's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    For a second I was like, "When the fuck did I ever email PassiveTheory?"
    You wouldn't waste an e-mail on me, you'd send a PM so you could raise your "let's talk about PMs sent on the board out in broad daylight" thread back from the dead.
    Upcoming Shows:
    * Dillon Francis + Anamanaguchi -- December 28th

    Going to Weekend 1 of Coachella 2014


    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Cara. Don't judge a man for not being able to formulate a coherent thought. On an internet forum of all places.

  12. #12
    The Fro PassiveTheory's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    Original ad:
    i need a miracle. looking for ticket to phish @ jones beach for friday june 5th. please!
    From Mike Anderson to **********@***********.org at 1:30 PM JUN 08 2009

    Hello,

    I have an extra ticket for Phish at Jones Beach on June 5th that I will sell to you for $60. Let me know if you want it.

    Mike

    From ********@yahoo.com to Me

    why the fuck would i want that the show already happened.

    From Mike Anderson to ********@yahoo.com

    Well why did you put the ad up then? I just thought you wanted the ticket stub for nostalgic value since the show was so fucking good.

    From ********@yahoo.com to Me

    I PUT THE AD UP ON JUNE 3 DUMBASS BEFORE THE SHOW HAPPPENED. A LOT OF FUCKING GOOD IT DID I MISSED THE SHOW CMON MAN $60 FOR A STUB ARE YOU NUTS

    From Mike Anderson to ********@yahoo.com

    So I guess you don't want the stub?

    If you want, for $60 I can come to your house and play a clip of the show I taped on my cell phone. It is 30 seconds of trey jamming out during Split Open and Melt. You can't really see anything but a bunch of lights and you can't really hear anything either, but a true phan would appreciate it.

    From ********@yahoo.com to Me

    MAN YOU ARE AN IDIOT STOP TRYING TO SELL ME YOUR WORTHLESS SHIT
    Upcoming Shows:
    * Dillon Francis + Anamanaguchi -- December 28th

    Going to Weekend 1 of Coachella 2014


    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Cara. Don't judge a man for not being able to formulate a coherent thought. On an internet forum of all places.

  13. #13
    Entry level Alt kitt kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    the asian cat one is really good, actually

  14. #14
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: E-Mails From An Asshole

    piss in an air conditioner

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