The Someone Makes A Crime Thread

[luckyface]

Post in here if you were a victim of some sort of crime.

I will begin. I was going to post this in the Happy Plursday thread, but how can you taint that with an unhappy occurence?

I was driving to work yesterday, going through the ghetto, when I encountered a gentleman who seemed to be absolutely crazy. No idea why, but he was super pissed at me. I was driving in the left lane, he in the right. As I was minding my own business, looking straight ahead, I started to pull up next to him. He then proceeded to try to run me out of my lane. Three times, he attempted to side swipe me. I look over and the dude is absolutely screaming and throwing his hands up at me and pointing at my car. The best I could come up with was that he was hoping to get over and I was in his way. I mouthed "What is your problem??" and shrugged. He then tried to pull in front of me, so I decided I didn't want a fucking lunatic in front of me. I denied him from getting over. He ends up getting behind me.

So I turn onto a new street and he follows. It looks like at first he tries to get into the opposite lane to pass me, but he has to get behind me again as a car pulls out. Around this time, it gets a little fuzzy. Either we hit a light or I just slow down because a light ahead. The dude is still in the lane next to me, just a little behind. Suddenly, I hear a crack and a big crash noise. I look behind and my back window is completely wrecked. I can't see anything as every inch is cracked. I look in my side mirror and the asshole slams his breaks, does a u turn and peels out. Noticing that I didn't get his identifying information, I decided to try to follow him to get his info to call the cops. I flip a bitch and follow as he turns down a street. When I turn the corner, I see him turning into what I thought was a small street.

I follow him into what turns out to be an alley. When I make the turn, I notice the thug has stopped in the middle. He then proceeds to get out of the car and has a blanket in his hand. He uses the blanket to then cover his arm and tries to find a good spot to get a clear view at me while avoiding any opportunity to have me run him over. Wondering why the fuck anyone would need a blanket to hide their arm unless they had something they wanted to obscure, maybe like a gun, I decided to back out of the alley as quickly as possible. When I start to pull backwards, the douchebag jumps into his car and peels out of the alley in the other direction going about 70 MPH. I call the cops and try to see the direction he is heading. I lose him as he rushes to get away.

I go to the police station and file a report. I thought maybe the guy threw something at my window, but the cop said most likely I was shot at. So yeah, I still have no clue why, but it appears I was shot at yesterday. If you see a completely psychotic person in a white pickup truck, stay away.

[kreutz2112]

[SoulDischarge]

Having been shot at, I think you're entitled to a record contract now. It's in the Constitution somewhere.

[allyjoy]

only if you've been shot at multiple times, Patrick

[marooko]

Having been shot at, I think you're entitled to a record contract now. It's in the Constitution somewhere.

only if you've been shot at multiple times, Patrick

dont you also have to be black? i cant think of any, cracker-ass-crackers, with record contracts that have been shot at.

[paganman7]

Jesus christ!

[SoulDischarge]

That's reparations you're thinking of. Forty acres and a record contract.

[Pixiessp]

Luckyface isn't black?

[marooko]

so, anyone who's shot multiple times can get a contract, and if you're black, you get 40 acres? I'm confused.

[chiapet]

dont you also have to be black? i cant think of any, cracker-ass-crackers, with record contracts that have been shot at.

Eminem, Kid Rock, ICP,... wait did you mean anyone not from Detroit?

[marooko]

did they get shot multiple times?

[BlueDevil50]

damn man...that's some crazy shit. i'm glad you're safe...pretty ballsy of you to pretty much go toe-to-toe with some crackhead in the ghetto lol. hopefully karma will strike and some other dirtbag will take him out.

[allyjoy]

If you're from detroit, it's expected that you get shot at a minimal 4 times. anything over that and you may petition for a provisional black card which entitles you to the record contract, but not the 40 acres.

[marooko]

theres always a catch.

(i fucking love this place.)

[stinkbutt]

dont you also have to be black? i cant think of any, cracker-ass-crackers, with record contracts that have been shot at.

supposedly been shot at

[SoulDischarge]

Wow. I think he just fitted every single rap cliche onto one album cover.

[boarderwoozel3]

Wow lucky, glad you're ok after all that nonsense.

Some crackhead asshole tried to mug me a few years ago in Seattle. I was outside smoking a cigarette when the guy creeps up behind me and hits me on the head with a hammer, twice. Being stunned for a split second, I stumble forward, gather my senses and turn around to see said crackhead coming after me with the hammer. After a short tussle I end up with the hammer but no longer have my glasses—so I’m pretty blind--, jacket or shirt on. It's January. A goddamn bus drove by as all of this was going down.

So there we are about ten feet apart in the middle of the street. I'm shirtless and can feel blood running down my shoulder, back and chest. Now that I have the hammer, my initial reaction is to rock him into the afterlife. As I start to move forward the guy puts his hand in his waistband says he's got a gun and demands my wallet. I tell him I don't have my wallet on me. He demands my wallet again. At this point I’m scared shitless and just want the situation to end immediately. I throw the hammer at the guy and book it around to the back door of my building, up to my apartment and call for an ambulance. It was almost comical how many cops showed up after telling them there was a violent black male who claimed to have a gun in the area, they brought dogs.

Later that night I was introduced to morpheme (wow) and learned they use staples to close head injuries, I required 11 of them. To top it all off the fucking ER doctor was trying to prescribe me Tylenol with codene. I nixed that idea immediately and demanded Vicodin. Stingy bastard.

It seems my saving grace was that this inbred had smoked himself into such a weakened state that he couldn't deliver a totally free knockout shot with a full sized hammer. I was wearing a cap which might have helped deflect the blows as well. And thank god he didn't hit my neck, use the clawed side of the hammer etc. Fucking crackheads.

[stinkbutt]

learned they use staples to close head injuries

ugh I learned this at a very young age and god did I hate it

[BlackSwan]

Congrats for taking two hits to the head with a hammer and still having your wits about you.

[marooko]

supposedly been shot at

i believe it. i wanna shoot him.


staples: Maddie just got hers out. Like 5 minutes ago.

[luckyface]

Wow lucky, glad you're ok after all that nonsense.

Some crackhead asshole tried to mug me a few years ago in Seattle. I was outside smoking a cigarette when the guy creeps up behind me and hits me on the head with a hammer, twice. Being stunned for a split second, I stumble forward, gather my senses and turn around to see said crackhead coming after me with the hammer. After a short tussle I end up with the hammer but no longer have my glasses—so I’m pretty blind--, jacket or shirt on. It's January. A goddamn bus drove by as all of this was going down.

So there we are about ten feet apart in the middle of the street. I'm shirtless and can feel blood running down my shoulder, back and chest. Now that I have the hammer, my initial reaction is to rock him into the afterlife. As I start to move forward the guy puts his hand in his waistband says he's got a gun and demands my wallet. I tell him I don't have my wallet on me. He demands my wallet again. At this point I’m scared shitless and just want the situation to end immediately. I throw the hammer at the guy and book it around to the back door of my building, up to my apartment and call for an ambulance. It was almost comical how many cops showed up after telling them there was a violent black male who claimed to have a gun in the area, they brought dogs.

Later that night I was introduced to morpheme (wow) and learned they use staples to close head injuries, I required 11 of them. To top it all off the fucking ER doctor was trying to prescribe me Tylenol with codene. I nixed that idea immediately and demanded Vicodin. Stingy bastard.

It seems my saving grace was that this inbred had smoked himself into such a weakened state that he couldn't deliver a totally free knockout shot with a full sized hammer. I was wearing a cap which might have helped deflect the blows as well. And thank god he didn't hit my neck, use the clawed side of the hammer etc. Fucking crackheads.

That's insane! Two hits to the head with a hammer and you still were able to escape?? You are a champ, regardless if he didn't get his best shots in.

[marooko]

Wow lucky, glad you're ok after all that nonsense.

Some crackhead asshole tried to mug me a few years ago in Seattle. I was outside smoking a cigarette when the guy creeps up behind me and hits me on the head with a hammer, twice. Being stunned for a split second, I stumble forward, gather my senses and turn around to see said crackhead coming after me with the hammer. After a short tussle I end up with the hammer but no longer have my glasses—so I’m pretty blind--, jacket or shirt on. It's January. A goddamn bus drove by as all of this was going down.

So there we are about ten feet apart in the middle of the street. I'm shirtless and can feel blood running down my shoulder, back and chest. Now that I have the hammer, my initial reaction is to rock him into the afterlife. As I start to move forward the guy puts his hand in his waistband says he's got a gun and demands my wallet. I tell him I don't have my wallet on me. He demands my wallet again. At this point I’m scared shitless and just want the situation to end immediately. I throw the hammer at the guy and book it around to the back door of my building, up to my apartment and call for an ambulance. It was almost comical how many cops showed up after telling them there was a violent black male who claimed to have a gun in the area, they brought dogs.

Later that night I was introduced to morpheme (wow) and learned they use staples to close head injuries, I required 11 of them. To top it all off the fucking ER doctor was trying to prescribe me Tylenol with codene. I nixed that idea immediately and demanded Vicodin. Stingy bastard.

It seems my saving grace was that this inbred had smoked himself into such a weakened state that he couldn't deliver a totally free knockout shot with a full sized hammer. I was wearing a cap which might have helped deflect the blows as well. And thank god he didn't hit my neck, use the clawed side of the hammer etc. Fucking crackheads.

ill kick it with you in the slums any day. glad you're ok now.

[CalmerThanYou]

My friend just sat next to Phil on the way back from Vegas. Back row on a Southwest flight.

Ain't that odd?

[algunz]

Damn lucky and boarder, those are some terrifying stories.

I'm a bit bothered that both of you had the initial instinct to go after the crackhead despite what a bad idea that obviously was. Testerone and adrenaline - that's the real man sauce.

[indietron]

Crazy stories!

No way would i have the balls to chase/fight someone like that.

[boarderwoozel3]

Thanks all. Morale of the story is be aware of your surroundings.

[biggfoot17]

If you're from detroit, it's expected that you get shot at a minimal 4 times. anything over that and you may petition for a provisional black card which entitles you to the record contract, but not the 40 acres.

I love how far this went