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Thread: 2 years in a row...

  1. #1
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default 2 years in a row...

    Every year, when I'm minding my own business, trying to masturbate in the Sahara, this young girl pushes right in front of me and just stands there...a little too much in my personal space, if you know what I mean. I find it very distracting and I can never finish. You can tell she thinks she's really hot...probably thinking "I'll give you something to jack to, old man"...but the truth is, she's just not my type.

    It was kind of annoying the first year, but now I feel like she's taunting me. It's scarred me a bit, and now whenever I'm peeping on my neighbors across the street through a telescope, I'm half afraid she's going to pop up on the sidewalk and block the view. This girl could bring down a mighty redwood, if you get my drift, even the pills don't help.

  2. #2
    Slave to the Rave feather's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
    Quote Originally Posted by shaggyduck View Post
    More laser beams is ALWAYS prefered to less laser beams. ALWAYS.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    funniest post ever
    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case.

  4. #4
    Coachella Junkie frozen pilgrim's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    oh man. I missed you this year, mark.

  5. #5
    old school mattpach's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...


  6. #6
    old school
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...



    Knocking your wood is always troublesome at coachella

  7. #7
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    nice.

  8. #8
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    didnt know you were in to that kind of stuff.

  9. #9
    old school Bud Luster's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Holy FUCK Sparks!!!!! HAHAHA...

  10. #10
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    I was once visually assaulted by a Sammy Davis Junior look-alike masturbating in a doorway in Newport Beach.

    Good times.

  11. #11
    Old Gay Guy gaypalmsprings's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...


  12. #12
    Member biggfoot17's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Oh, I see what you did here
    Quote Originally Posted by morelifefucker View Post
    The drugs dont work as well on sunday as they worked on friday.

  13. #13
    Coachella Junkie greghead's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Holy fuck, that was lulztaztic
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
    Has Pitchfork revealed it's top 200 covers by Arcade Fire yet?

  14. #14
    Member BrettShipes's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    It was probably coincidence. Please don't make a joke.

    haha.
    Quote Originally Posted by Errant View Post
    I walked straight in with a mixed drink in a 20oz Dixie cup in one hand, and an unopened beer in the other. I fully intended to toss them in the box, but CSC was waving and hurrying me through.

  15. #15
    Member McAwesome's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    She's probably stalking you. I'd watch my back 24/7 from now on if I were you.

  16. #16
    Coachella Junkie rage patton's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Oh Marc.

    So, are you still in the hospital?
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    And it's been long established that Chris hates fun.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hatinisbad View Post
    I took my niece this year and it was her first Coachella. It was so fun to see it through her eyes. She thought it felt like a magical scene from Shreck. The one where all the fairy tale creatures meet for the first time in Shreck's swamp.

  17. #17

    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    lol to this

  18. #18
    Member jonnypark's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    This thread made my coachella withdawl week. Thank you sparks/.
    Quote Originally Posted by PersonalJesus28 View Post
    Paul Tollett do something!
    Daddy P! Help

  19. #19
    Member JClemy's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    That's really funny

  20. #20
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Aw, I missed you guys too!

    Quote Originally Posted by rage patton View Post
    So, are you still in the hospital?
    I got out at the end of March, but I just got "released" by the doctor a few days ago, meaning all my organs are working properly now (except the one I don't have anymore.)

    But my abs are still all f'd up- they had to cut a 6 inch gash in them. I can't really lift anything over 20 pounds, and it will probably be another 4-5 weeks before I'm back to full strength. (Which makes it really difficult to masturbate standing up, anyway.)

  21. #21
    Member biggfoot17's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    other injuries that prevent masturbation...GO!
    Quote Originally Posted by morelifefucker View Post
    The drugs dont work as well on sunday as they worked on friday.

  22. #22
    Old Gay Guy gaypalmsprings's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    meaning all my organs are working properly now (except the one I don't have anymore.)(Which makes it really difficult to masturbate standing up, anyway.)
    How can you masturbate without your organ?

  23. #23
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    This particular organ had gangrene, was full of "sludge", and apparently unnecessary, so...pffffffttttt.

    I wouldn't have been so cavalier if they had wanted to take that other one.

    EDIT- Shit, I should have said that I can't masturbate standing up BECAUSE I can't lift anything over 20 pounds. Ahhhhh....dick jokes.
    Last edited by M Sparks; 04-25-2009 at 04:43 PM.

  24. #24
    Old Gay Guy gaypalmsprings's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post

    I wouldn't have been so cavalier if they had wanted to take that other one.
    You could have dressed up next year as the Naked Wizard if they had removed your appendage.

  25. #25

    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Quote Originally Posted by gaypalmsprings View Post
    Is this Hermoine Granger??? If so, fucking awesome
    The Replacements, The Modern Lovers, Neutral Milk Hotel for 2010!!!!

    The Beat Is Murder!

  26. #26
    Coachella Junkie boarderwoozel3's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Well I'm glad to hear you're on the route to physical recovery. Even better is that the mind is as sharp as ever People really do flatter themselves too much.

  27. #27

    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    HAHAHAHAH SUCH A GOOD POST

  28. #28
    Member GoodEarth's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Wait, wait, wait....How is this bitch the crazy one, you're jacking off in public you crazy fuck! Maybe she just wants to get splashed

  29. #29
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    Quote Originally Posted by GoodEarth View Post
    Wait, wait, wait....How is this bitch the crazy one, you're jacking off in public you crazy fuck! Maybe she just wants to get splashed
    This thread


















    Your head

  30. #30
    Coachella Junkie SFChrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 years in a row...

    that happens when I go to how wierd and folsom street fair...darn it!!!

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