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Thread: In memoriam . . .

  1. #1
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default In memoriam . . .

    This thread is meant to offer an outlet and a chance to remember for everyone. I don't mean to wallow in the bummers of life, but sometimes there is just no way around it.

    We've all dealt with the loss of a loved one. Many of us have endured and experienced loss and some that were extremely close. I just lost my Aunt Karen today, and it hurts more than I anticipated. She's been sick with pancreatic cancer for 3 months, so this is no surprise. I'm just struggling with the idea of never being able to see her again. She was 19 when my mother was born. Thus, in all sense and purpose she was like my grandma. I'm going to miss her terribly. My mom has been asked to write the eulogy and she has asked me to help and possibly read it at the funeral if it all proves too much for her. I would appreciate any suggestions or ideas as to how to bring together one's life and love in to one neat little speech. It kind of seems impossible.

    This was taken about a month ago.


    One of the things that makes this even more difficult is how sad it is making my Uncle Don. Only a few lucky people are able to have and share true love and their marriage undoubtedly was one of those treasures. I worry that losing her is gonna kill him.

  2. #2
    old school whynotsmile99's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    very sorry for your loss algunz
    Then I will hold you down and spit her percolations all over you until you're as greasy as the day she regrets pushing your big fat ass out her big fat cunt.

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    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Sorry Gunz.

    As someone who writes presentations for a living-I can tell you that if I were in your position, I would just speak from the heart. It's supposed to be a rememberance, not add to the sorrow. Think of the things you loved and appreciated about her, what made you laugh, and what you'll miss. That's all you need to say. No speeches. As we say in my world: "tell stories".
    Last edited by captncrzy; 02-26-2009 at 07:18 PM.
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    Member karecares's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    so sorry for your loss gunz
    ~~~COACHELLA 2007- 2011~~~

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  5. #5
    old school zenidogx's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    sorry for the loss gunz. she had an incredible smile in that pic.
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  6. #6
    Young blood
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    I'd hit it.



    Im sorry to hear Algunz.

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    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    I appreciate your kind words.

    Capt'n, I know to speak from the heart and that's what makes it so hard. I'm tearing up just typing right now. I know my mother isn't gonna be able to hold herself together and it's gonna fall to my shoulders. I don't mind, but how in the hell do you speak without getting all blubbery even when focused on all the happy thoughts and memories.

    Has anybody else had the unfortunate privilege of giving a eulogy? I've been to many funerals, but most were when I was young. Both my parents were the youngest born to older parents, so funerals have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. But, I've never had to speak at one.

  8. #8
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Young blood View Post
    I'd hit it.

    Oh, she was beautiful especially in her younger years. I have some old pictures of her and my uncle in the 30's and 40's, and they were both drop dead gorgeous.
    Last edited by algunz; 02-26-2009 at 07:35 PM.

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    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Experience-yes. It's ok to be blubbery. Who cares if you fall apart-or if your mom falls apart? It's not about anyone else. It's about you and moms saying goodbye.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  10. #10
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    I guess I feel as if I should be strong for my mom, and uncle, and cousins. Fuck, this is going to be hard. The funeral is next Friday, so I have some time to get used to the idea.


    Slightly off topic . . . how do they keep a body for a week?!

  11. #11
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    ...I think in the fridge.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  12. #12
    Coachella Junkie faxman75's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Sorry to hear that gunz. You and your family are in my thoughts. I lost both of my grandparents who raised me 2007. Here we are outside a Pizza place in Chicago when I took my ex and the kids to see them.



  13. #13
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Your ex looks like this lesbian I know.


    Probably not her, I'm guessing.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  14. #14
    Coachella Junkie faxman75's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    Your ex looks like this lesbian I know.


    Probably not her, I'm guessing.

    Umm those are kids in the picture. The ex isn't in that one lol. My ex is guardian to a 14 year old niece.

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    old school gmoneyak's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    I still think of one of my best friends growing up every day, she died in a car accident 5 years ago in Alaska. Not only was she absolutely hot, but one of the most driven and intelligent beings I've ever known.

    The night before I left the AK in '97 was the last time I had the chance to see her..



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  16. #16
    old school whynotsmile99's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by gmoneyak View Post
    I still think of one of my best friends growing up every day, she died in a car accident 5 years ago in Alaska. Not only was she absolutely hot, but one of the most driven and intelligent beings I've ever known.

    The night before I left the AK in '97 was the last time I had the chance to see her..

    wow she was gorgeous. so sad.
    Then I will hold you down and spit her percolations all over you until you're as greasy as the day she regrets pushing your big fat ass out her big fat cunt.

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    Coachella Junkie greghead's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss, gunz. I spoke at my aunt's funeral last year, and it was very hard to do. Like captn said, tell happy stories and think of the way she made you feel when she was alive. It's by no means an enviable job, but you'll get through it.
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    old school gmoneyak's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by whynotsmile99 View Post
    wow she was gorgeous. so sad.
    Yeah, she had it going on.

    That loss really killed me, especially since I was the one that left her behind. I found out from a phone call from my brother at the time, and because of school in AZ, couldn't make to the funeral.

    It sucks not being around for your loved ones on those occasions. The same thing happened when I moved from Las Vegas to Reno and, three months later, a friend died in a motorcycle accident.


    Disclosure - October 12 - Reno, NV.
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  19. #19
    Member jdaws's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    life happens. then people die. then you move on. gl hf

  20. #20
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    my best friend died from brain cancer about 5 years ago at the age of 23, that was a tough one, especially since he was the same age as my sister. it was funny walking into the church for his service a few days later, they had tool playing over the sound system, put a smile on my face. we had an epic party at my house a couple weeks later in his honor that was just a bit more upbeat. i still miss him every day.

    i think that due to my health issues i have a different opinion on death than a lot of people i have met. in a way i was relieved when he passed because he was no longer in pain. there were times when he was up for days at a time due to the pain he was suffering through. we bonded a lot over dealing with our diseases those last few weeks. he went up to his grandparents' house up in tahoe one weekend and passed away in his sleep.

    i will never forget the night i got a call to come home asap. i was up at tuna town on main street in huntington. his g'friend called and said she needed to see me. i had an idea of what was going on and even though i had a good buzz i stupidly drove home. the minute i opened the door i knew, you can tell just by looking at the person when a loved one has died. we talked for a good hour and once she left i went right out to find a tattoo shop that would put his initials on me that night. it was a friday so it was hard to find a place that wasn't booked up, but i finally did and got it done.

    i still have his number in my cell phone, can't bring myself to delete it.

    i have had a bunch of family die from cancer, but they were all older and had lived full lives, so it wasn't as hard to say goodbye. but 23, that's just too young.



    this was also a shitty one. everyone who loves coachella owes this guy a huge debt of gratitude:

    http://www.punknews.org/article/7993
    Last edited by JustSteve; 02-26-2009 at 09:06 PM.

  21. #21
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    sorry, gunz. losses like this are always hard.

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    Coachella Junkie brando4n82's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    It is so weird to read this thread. My best friend of 16 years died yesterday from cystic fibrosis. He was only 23. We met on the jungle gym on the first day of kindergarten. My mind is refusing to deal with it. I don't know what to do.

    I am sorry to hear of your loss Algunz
    Last edited by brando4n82; 02-26-2009 at 09:49 PM.
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  23. #23
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    i cant come in here anymore, but i probably will. sorry brando, thats some serious shit.

  24. #24
    Coachella Junkie Pixiessp's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    So sorry for your loss Algunz. I would have a very hard time eulogizing someone close. You have a tough task ahead of you but I think it will more than likely be cathartic for you and give you a chance to say goodbye.
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    Coachella Junkie Monklish's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Everyone already knows my stories.

    Eulogy advice: stick strictly to amusing anecdotes. Seriously. Funerals are a miserable pain in the ass for all involved. They are not for the dead, they are for the living. They are for helping people to retain positive memories of the deceased and that is the only good that can come of them.
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  26. #26
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    It's so frustrating to accept that life has to work this way. It's all very bittersweet.

    Fax, thanks for your remembrance. (and that picture made me smile, because your grandparents look so "stoked.") Gmoney, brando, Jsteve thanks for sharing your stories too. The loss of someone young is horrible. I've lost several friends young, and their deaths will always haunt me. They were sudden and unexpected. Maybe in a weird way that is why this one is different. Aunt Karen was a part of my life from the beginning and a huge and beautiful part at that. We all had time to prepare for her passing, yet that preperation has made this so much more real and difficult. I've spent hours over the last few months contemplating her absence and worrying about my Uncle Don and their daughter Sandes. Now that the inevitable has come I still can't get my heart and soul around the idea nor can I really understand a future without her.

    And Capt'n, Randy, you are right (again ). I need to focus on the good stuff. That's the hard part. There were so many great moments and so many ways she was beautiful and special and . I guess I need to narrow it down to memories and qualities that go beyond just my experience, share the stories that everyone can relate to.

    I'm dreading this a bit because I can tell it's going to be so sad. I'll share the happy times, but the day is just gonna fucking suck. When I die, I hope the mood is not necessarily happy but just not so depressing. (Is there a word for that kind of energy?) I want my friends and family to get drunk/stoned, listen to good music, and enjoy each others company. Unfortunately I don't anticipate that happening for Aunt Karen. I think the time knowing she was leaving us has made everybody sadder, because it gave us time to realize just how much we don't want her gone. She was 83 and had a wonderful, full life. I still wasn't ready.

    And right now it's killing me thinking about her tucked away in some icebox somewhere.
    Last edited by algunz; 02-27-2009 at 01:07 AM.

  27. #27
    Coachella Junkie Monklish's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Actually it's not killing you. It's killing her.
    Quote Originally Posted by Monklish View Post
    Fuck you and fuck Haiti.

  28. #28
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Nice.

    Asshole.

  29. #29
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by brando4n82 View Post
    It is so weird to read this thread. My best friend of 16 years died yesterday from cystic fibrosis. He was only 23. We met on the jungle gym on the first day of kindergarten. My mind is refusing to deal with it. I don't know what to do.

    I am sorry to hear of your loss Algunz
    that is the disease i have, rough stuff. if it was to the point where it was time for him to pass on, though, i can mostly understand how much he was suffering as i've had some terrible times with cf. i tell people that the way they feel on their worst day is probably how i feel on my best day most of the time.

    this disease fucking sucks, but it's also given me a different appreciation of life that many people probably don't figure out until well on into their later years. i have been able to takes things slow and enjoy a lot of the smaller things in life that many friends have let slide right by them for the time being, something they will only see years down the road when they are contemplating their own lives.

    i know it probably doesn't help, but just take comfort knowing he is not suffering anymore.
    Last edited by JustSteve; 02-27-2009 at 10:25 AM.

  30. #30
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: In memoriam . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    When I die, I hope the mood is not necessarily happy but just not so depressing. (Is there a word for that kind of energy?) I want my friends and family to get drunk/stoned, listen to good music, and enjoy each others company.
    i already have my "funeral" planned. it is going to be a party, most likely at the beach, bonfire, good times, surfer friends can do the hawaiian thing and paddle out for a little ceremony. i will be cremated and have my ashes spread around the world at some of my favorite places by friends. kinda morbid, but i already have a bit of money set aside for airfare for them to be able to fly to those destinations, been saving since my late teens. just some of the fun stuff you get to deal with when diagnosed with an incurable, yet getting more and more controllable, disease at such a young age.

    of course, i could get hit by a bus tomorrow and my disease will have nothing to do with my cause of death. that's why you can't dwell on the hand you are dealt. when it's your time to go, it's your time to go.
    Last edited by JustSteve; 02-27-2009 at 10:28 AM.

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