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Thread: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

  1. #1
    old school Stefinitely Maybe's Avatar
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    Default Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Taken from the same website as the legendary "We do not accept drawings as payment" spider story:




    From: David Thorne
    Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 11.04am
    To: Matthew Smythe
    Subject: R.S.V.P.

    Dear Matthew,
    Thankyou for the party invite. At first glance I thought it may be a child's party what with it being vibrant and having balloons but I realise you probably did your best with what little tools were available. I wouldn't miss it for the world. What time would you like me there?

    Regards, David.



    From: Matthew Smythe
    Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 3.48pm
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: R.S.V.P.

    Hi David
    Sorry the note was just to let you know that we might be a bit loud that night. The house warming is really just for friends and family but you can drop past for a beer if you like.
    Cheers Matthew



    From: David Thorne
    Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 5.41pm
    To: Matthew Smythe
    Subject: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

    Thanks Matthew,
    Including me in your list of friends and family means a lot. You and I don't tend to have long discussions when we meet in the hallway and I plan to put a stop to that. Next time we bump into each other I intend to have a very long conversation with you and I am sure you are looking forward to that as much as I am. I have told my friend Ross that you are having a party and he is as excited as I am. Do you want us to bring anything or will everything be provided?

    Regards, David.



    From: Matthew Smythe
    Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 10.01am
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

    Hi David
    As I said, my housewarming is just for friends and family. There is not a lot of room so cant really have to many people come. Sorry about that mate.
    Cheers Matthew



    From: David Thorne
    Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 2.36pm
    To: Matthew Smythe
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

    Dear Matthew,
    I can appreciate that, our apartments are not very large are they? I myself like to go for a jog every night to keep fit but fear leaving the house so I have to jog on the spot taking very small steps with my arms straight down. I understand the problems of space restrictions all too well. If you would like to store some of your furniture at my place during the party you are quite welcome to - if we move your cane furniture into my spare room for the night and scatter cushions on the ground, that would provide a lot more seating and create a cozy atmosphere at the same time. I have a mirror ball that you can borrow. I have told Ross not to invite anyone else due to the space constraints so it will just be us two and my other friend Simon. When I told Simon that Ross and I were going to a party he became quite angry that I had not invited him as well so I really didn't have any choice as he can become quite violent. Sometimes I am afraid to even be in the same room as him. So just myself Ross and Simon. Simon's girlfriend has a work function on that night but might come along after that if she can get a lift with friends.

    Regards, David.



    From: Matthew Smythe
    Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 4.19pm
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

    Wtf? Nobody can come to the houswarming party it is just for friends and family. I dont even know these people. How do you know I have cane furniture? Are you the guy in apartment 1?



    From: David Thorne
    Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 6.12pm
    To: Matthew Smythe
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

    Hi Matthew,
    I understand it is an exclusive party and I appreciate you trusting my judgement on who to bring. I just assumed you have cane furniture, doesn't everybody? Cane is possibly one of the most renewable natural resources we have after plastic, it is not only strong but lightweight and attractive. Every item in my apartment is made of cane, including my television. It looks like the one from Gilligan's Island but is in colour of course. Do you remember that episode where a robot came to the island? That was the best one in my opinion. I always preferred Mary Anne to Ginger, same with Flintstones - I found Betty much more attractive than Wilma but then I am not really keen on redheads at all. They have freckles all over their body did you know? It's the ones on their back and shoulders that creep me out the most.

    Anyway, Ross rang me today all excited about the party and asked me what the theme is, I told him that I don't think there is a theme and we discussed it and feel that it should be an eighties themed party. I have a white suit and projector and am coming as Nik Kershaw. I have made a looping tape of 'wouldn't it be good' to play as I am sure you will agree that this song rocks and has stood the test of time well. I am in the process of redesigning your invites appropriately and will get a few hundred of them printed off later today. I will have to ask you for the money for this as print cartridges for my Epson are pretty expensive. They stopped making this model a month after I bought it and I have to get the cartridges sent from China. Around $120 should cover it. You can just pop the money in my letter box if I don't see you before tonight.

    Regards, David.



    From: Matthew Smythe
    Date: Wednesday 10 Dec 2008 11.06pm
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

    What the fuck are yout alking about? There is no theme for the party it is just a few friends and family. noone else can come IT IS ONLY FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY do you understand? Do not print anything out because I am not paying for something I dont need and didnt ask you to do! look I am sorry but i am heaps busy and that night is not convenient. Are you in Apatrment1?



    From: David Thorne
    Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 9.15am
    To: Matthew Smythe
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

    Hello Matthew,
    I agree that it is not very convenient and must admit that when I first received your invitation I was perplexed that it was on a Sunday night but who am I to judge. No, I am in apartment 3B. Our bedroom walls are touching so when we are sleeping our heads are only a few feet apart. If I put my ear to the wall I can hear you. I also agree with you that having a particular theme for your party may not be the best choice, it makes more sense to leave it open as a generic fancy dress party, that way everyone can come dressed in whatever they want. Once, I went to a party in a bear outfit which worked out well as it was freezing and I was the only one warm. As it won't be cold the night of your party, I have decided to come as a Ninja. I think it would be really good if you dressed as a ninja as well and we could perform a martial arts display for the other guests. I have real swords and will bring them. If you need help with your costume let me know, I have made mine by wrapping a black t-shirt around my face with a hooded jacket and cut finger holes in black socks for the gloves. I do not have any black pants so will spray paint my legs on the night.

    It is a little hard to breath in the costume so I will need you to keep the window open during the party to provide good air circulation. Actually, I just had a thought, how awesome would it be if I arrived 'through' the window like a real ninja. We should definitely do that. I just measured the distance between our balconies and I should be able to jump it. I once leaped across a creek that was over five metres wide and almost made it.

    Also, you mentioned in your invitation that if there was anything I needed, to let you know. My car is going in for a service next week and I was wondering, seeing as we are good friends now, if it would be ok to borrow yours on that day. I hate catching the bus as they are full of poor people who don't own cars.

    Regards, David.



    From: Matthew Smythe
    Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 3.02pm
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

    WTF? No you cant borrow my car and there is no fucking 3B. I reckon you are that guy from Apartment 1. You are not coming to my house warming and you are not bringing any of your friends. What the fuck is wrong with you??? The only people invited are friends and family I told you that. It is just drinks there is no fucking fancy dress and only people i know are coming! I dont want to be rude but jesus fucking christ man.



    From: David Thorne
    Date: Sunday 14 Dec 2008 2.04am
    To: Matthew Smythe
    Subject: Party

    Hello Matthew,
    I have been away since Thursday so have not been able to check my email from home. Flying back late today in time for the party and just wanted to say that we are really looking forward to it. Will probably get there around eleven or twelve, just when it starts to liven up. Simon's girlfriend Cathy's work function was cancelled so she can make it afterall which is good news. She will probably have a few friends with her so they will take the mini van. Also, I have arranged a Piņata.

    Can't wait, see you tonight.

    Regards, David.
    "The first time I heard the new single off the Bravery album, I actually cried, and I do not even remember the name of that damn song. It reminded me of this girl I am in love with." - kroqken

  2. #2
    Coachella Junkie Alchemy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    This is excellent stuff
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    I try to be politically pc more than most here: As a dude, anyone who could put a shark up a gals pc body, is pretty creepy, different and interesting. Just saying big time ..... cr****

  3. #3
    Member garrett222's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    what's the website?
    Upcoming Shows:

    Sasquatch Festival

  4. #4
    Old Gay Guy gaypalmsprings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    My name is luka
    I live on the second floor
    I live upstairs from you
    Yes I think youve seen me before
    If you hear something late at night
    Some kind of trouble. some kind of fight
    Just dont ask me what it was
    Just dont ask me what it was
    Just dont ask me what it was
    I think its because Im clumsy
    I try not to talk too loud
    Maybe its because Im crazy
    I try not to act too proud
    They only hit until you cry
    And after that you dont ask why
    You just dont argue anymore
    You just dont argue anymore
    You just dont argue anymore

    Yes I think Im okay
    I walked into the door again
    Well, if you ask thats what Ill say
    And its not your business anyway
    I guess Id like to be alone
    With nothing broken, nothing thrown
    Just dont ask me how I am
    Just dont ask me how I am
    Just dont ask me how I am

  5. #5
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  6. #6
    Member garrett222's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    GPS - sometimes you remind me of the Steve Carrell character on Anchorman.
    Upcoming Shows:

    Sasquatch Festival

  7. #7
    Member JelloPuddingChat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    I like how the kid tries to act all hard telling them to get the fucking bike off.
    ------------------
    "Mr. Toad's Wild Aidz."

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    Coachella Junkie SFChrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    me too

  9. #9
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    I may have to put GPS on ignore for getting that song stuck in my head. Last time this happened I sang it for a fucking week.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  10. #10
    Rover canexplain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Geez David reminds me of myself a little lol ... cr****
    Have Another Hit Of Colorado Sunshine

  11. #11
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Where can I get a good deal on a straightjacket? I need something to wear that matches this hysterical laughter of mine,quick!
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  12. #12
    Member iv3rdawG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Nipples View Post
    Sheez. "You alright? You alright?"
    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    jesus christ, i leave the board for an hour to find the disneyland thread and there's all these fry threads. wtf?!

  13. #13
    old school shotglass75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    God I am dying to see how this ends
    Check out Sleeping is Giving in for great mixes and other cool stuff

  14. #14
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Would someone please invite me to a party in apartment 3B?
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  15. #15
    The Dude CalmerThanYou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Quote Originally Posted by iv3rdawG View Post
    Sheez. "You alright? You alright?"
    "you wanna help get the fucking bike off me?"
    Quote Originally Posted by paganman7 View Post
    I had a dream that my wife cheated on me with Calmer. True story.
    Quote Originally Posted by TeamCoachellaHellYeah View Post
    Did you find pee in her butt?

  16. #16
    Entry level Alt kitt kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    i read this a couple days ago. not as good as the spider, i'm afraid.

  17. #17
    Member karecares's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    thank you for that mr nipples
    ~~~COACHELLA 2007- 2011~~~

    Originally Posted by humanoid
    Coachella is much better enjoyed with a sense of absolute freedom...

  18. #18
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    what the fuck was chewbacca doing in the video?

    that shit had me fucking rolling. they just kept slowing it down and i couldnt stop laughing. it sounded like some sort of animal being tortured.

  19. #19
    Banned
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Nipples View Post
    omg...


    i fucking love you sick fucks...

    nice to see i'm not teh only twisted fuck out there...

    this shit brought tears to my eyes...

    too funny..

  20. #20
    Member patsfan5454's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    that was a f*cked up story, i think i might have a few potential creepy neighbors like that, lol

  21. #21
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stefinitely Maybe View Post
    I always preferred Mary Anne to Ginger, same with Flintstones - I found Betty much more attractive than Wilma but then I am not really keen on redheads at all. They have freckles all over their body did you know? It's the ones on their back and shoulders that creep me out the most.
    Best part.

  22. #22
    Member BeHereNOW's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    i'm dressed as ninja right now at the office

  23. #23
    Coachella Junkie HunterGather's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    haha
    that was awesome
    Quote Originally Posted by stinkbutt
    I know it's hard, but try not to turn into GPS. It is just unfortunate for us all.

  24. #24
    old school
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    lol
    I am going to get so blown to Cypress Hill while they play.

  25. #25
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    GODDAMNI---*SLAM*--OWWWWW FUHUHUHUCK-OHHHOHOOOHOOOOOO-WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH-OWWWOWWWOWWW



    i ask for more steph
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  26. #26
    old school Hopeless Semantic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    Thanks for the rainy day cheer, Stef.

  27. #27
    Coachella Junkie HEADSTRUCK's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    what is the website where these are found?

  28. #28
    Member KungFuJay's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.


  29. #29
    Coachella Junkie shakermaker113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hello! My name is Matthew and I have moved into Apartment 3.

    that story wasn't funny.

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