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Thread: Ask Caco for relationship advice

  1. #241
    Member Cpt. Funkaho's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Ronnie, this doesn't get said enough: you are awesome.


    That is all.
    Quote Originally Posted by youguysallsuckfatcock View Post
    now you guys are really pissing me off. especiall you walrus fucker

  2. #242
    Coachella Junkie boarderwoozel3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    I have another bullet point to add:

    -Never ask your significant other if they love you or not if you do not love them. This is called mind games, not cool.

    I had a girl pull this on me once right after sex a few years back. I felt trapped and forced to say yes so I did. When I asked her if she felt the same way she said no. WTF? My reaction was mixed relief, shock, anger and dumbfoundedness. It wasn't like I could say "ok then, good, I was lying anyway." Girl mind games, out of control.

  3. #243
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Quote Originally Posted by boarderwoozel3 View Post
    I have another bullet point to add:

    -Never ask your significant other if they love you or not if you do not love them. This is called mind games, not cool.

    I had a girl pull this on me once right after sex a few years back. I felt trapped and forced to say yes so I did. When I asked her if she felt the same way she said no. WTF? My reaction was mixed relief, shock, anger and dumbfoundedness. It wasn't like I could say "ok then, good, I was lying anyway." Girl mind games, out of control.

    thats fucking awesome....i had a chick say she loved me once while we were having sex....i felt like i should reply back so i said it "i love you....right now"
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  4. #244
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    ValARie...don't hate cos i wouldnt stick it to you when i spent the weekend with you....I figured out your who plan....get Ronnie to SF....get Ronnie fucked up....get Ronnie to fuck me up reaalllll goood
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  5. #245
    Young blood
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    lol

  6. #246
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Women find your sexual advances gross Ronald.

  7. #247
    Young blood
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    holla!

  8. #248

    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  9. #249
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    I FOUND IT.....must save this thread
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  10. #250
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    wow....i forgot all about this...good times we had back then



    Quote Originally Posted by Yablonowitz View Post
    Ronnie,

    We have a new co-worker here who is a little older than me, but has a very cute face. She smiles at me all the time and says "hi" every single time I come near her. She's carrying some extra baggage though. She's all the way downstairs and I rarely see her because I'm upstairs and have no reason to be down in her area. This is an impediment to further fraternizing and flirtatiousness. I also don't know if she's aware of my marital status and if that would be prohibitive for her. She shares an office with two other women who I don't really want to observe me pursuing her. You have suggested the bathroom in a previous commentary, but there are no locks on the doors. I don't really want to spend a lot of time and money on this (ie - arranging hotel room visits, etc) because she's not all-that.

    How do I pull this off and where should I do it? That is...the sex with her.
    Quote Originally Posted by caco0283 View Post
    Greg,

    As promised this is the first thing I did online today. I love the fact that you wont spend a lot of time and money on her cos she's not all-that. Now I don't know exactly what her extra baggage could be so I'm going to assume its not kids because you have kids and you wouldn't consider yourself extra baggage. Maybe your'e talking about daddy issues. If this is true, during intercourse stay away from asking her "who's your daddy" This may trigger something in her that isn't an orgasm. She may flip and scream her dad's name while she lays left and rights on your face like a bear would to a gorilla. Which would end up making you think of Gabe while you are having sex, and thats a whole different issue we need to talk about.

    Now if you are referring to her being downstairs you must remember this my friend. Getting laid is easy, sometimes its cheap, but you always have to do some work. I would take something off her desk one night at work, when nobody else is around. This has to be something she will miss. The next day place the item close to your desk, maybe if you have a copier.....or a fax machine leave it next to that. She will be forced to walk upstairs and see you. This will give her the oppurtunity to find out where you sit, and give you the chance to woo her away from the other women.

    Now what do you say to her, well I always like to act like I have a problem and you are asking her for her suggestion. This gives women the sense of empowerment and they love that sort of stuff. Now you have to be clever with your problem because you want to add in the follow up motion. The follow up motion is what you live and die for....but I'll get back to the follow up motion in a moment. Now what kind of problems should you have....maybe you are bored with the books you have been buying and you need something new that you normally wouldn't buy. Maybe you need a new place to go to lunch. After discussing with her the problem and hearing her suggestions you hit her with the motion. "I'll give that book a try and take you out to lunch so we can discuss it (you could even add in a book for her to read)" or "We can do this, I'll take you out to lunch there so we can both decide if their fish is better than Caco's House of Fish" You want to make sure you show her youre confident and charming. You are showing her you care about her opinion and not about the crevis between her legs.

    Now where can you bust one in her...well I believe back in June or July I told you had there is nothing better than having sex like a teenager. Go back to that. Its true. Take her to the movies and part her while you watch the Departed. You can also drive somewhere for lunch and have sex in the car, which also gives you the oppurtunity to get some road-head. Just watch out for the speed bumps, you don't want to choke her too bad. Good luck and let me know how things go
    Quote Originally Posted by caco0283 View Post
    As I was reading my book "Real Questions, Real Answers about Sex: The Complete Guide to Intimacy as God Intended" by Melissa McBurney I started to think that it was full of shit. I decided to rant about my thoughts on some things the book brought up.

    The book did a study in Marble, Colorado on how many couples are informed about sex and are having problems sexually. They make a big deal in the book that 46% struggle with sex. Well listen my fellow Christians, put the fucking bible down and think about this. YOU ARE IN MARBLE, COLORADO. WHERE THE FUCK IS MARBLE, COLORADO??? It sounds like some hick ass town full of Baptist that don't even like to dance. Of course they are going to have problems in the bed. Baptist women don't suck dick. The only fish a Baptist guy eats comes from a lake. Sure they have a lake called Beaver Lake in Marble, but the men don't even eat the fish from that lake cos it may cause problems with God. They just throw the fish back.

    Most women don't realize testosterone creates a physiological drive in their husbands that demands expression ever few days. Without that kind of hormonal insistence, women have less physical drive for sexual release. Rather, what they crave is the relational closeness that leads to sexual intimacy
    Every time I watch men filled with ego and testosterone on ESPN I want to jump on top of every girl at the bar and make her scream my name until all she can scream is "i cant breath let me get some air...i cant breath let me get some air air air i i i cant breath" fucking idiot, Melissa McBurney, testosterone doesn't make me want to blow a load. God's work of art on a woman's body makes me want to blow the bass from my tuba all over her face.


    Many husbands assume their wives will get aroused and reach climax as quickly as they do. But most women are only in the early arousal stage when their husbands acheive orgasm. So a wife feels cheated when her husband falls asleep just when she's getting interested. And a husband feels inadequate as a lover because he has failed to bring his wife to orgasm.
    Melissa McBurney you sound like Amy, by that I mean you are really a woman that loves the flesh between a woman's legs. Its ok so do I. But listen hear you closet lesibian, who doesn't like dick. Most men don't assume women bust what I like to call A NUT. Guys have off nights. OK? Sort of like the weather. You want to go snowboarding with your friends, you want some fresh powder the next morning but you don't know what you are going to get till the moment. It may pour the rich whiteness all over the place, or it might be a disappointment. Most of the time its womens fault anyways, all they do is lay there and scream "ah ah ah ee eh eh ee ah ah" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BUST A NUT. All that screaming is just going to make my head hurt. Instead of exerting all your engergy by screaming you need to hold that energy in and build up a pressure inside your body and trust me, Krakatoa wont have nutting on you baby. You will explode and send cosmic sexual energy into the houses around you and they will get all horny from it. Ever sit there bored, watching ESPN with your hubby?? Then out of nowhere you get horny?? Well that's cos your neighbors wife shut the fuck up and busted a nut.
    Also men dont feel inadequate when they don't get their women to pop one. Want to know what I feel??? Nothing, cos my ass is satified and asleep. I always keep a carrot around for my ladies. I call it the R.T.M.Y.C. That stands for the Ronnie That Makes You Cum. It even has bushy hair on top so it looks like me. You can get as freaky as you want with RTMYC. Place him on the chair and ride him, put him between your boobs, bend over and stick it in the dark hole. Take him in the shower and have a three-some with Miss Shower Head. Satisfy yourself when your man doesn't. You don't hear me bitch when I'm not getting laid everyday. I just jack the straw. I school my palms in the art of self-ruckus. I rue my day. Ya, blow a load I just did about 3 times during this rant. See? I find ways to make it happen.

    Well thats all for now on my rant about this book...i hope you enjoyed it
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  11. #251
    Member HowToDisappear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA CLASSIC

    *wipes tears*
    Quote Originally Posted by PotVsKtl View Post
    See that guy in the background talking loudly about crab cakes? That's you.

  12. #252
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Will read later. But for now, how do I cruise for guys in public places that there's a 95% chance that they're totally straight and would kick my ass if I hit on them without getting my ass kicked?

  13. #253
    Coachella Junkie weeklymix's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Kick their ass first, then squeeze it?

  14. #254
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    I appreciate your efforts, but I'm really looking for the caco perspective on this manner.

  15. #255
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    Will read later. But for now, how do I cruise for guys in public places that there's a 95% chance that they're totally straight and would kick my ass if I hit on them without getting my ass kicked?
    One of the things you have to do is find a tell. When I'm at a bar and I'm see a hot piece of ass I want to destroy as I do my forbidden dance I always check out the way they drink their beer bottle.

    this girl is a lesbian





    this girl is straight




    this girl is my future exwife






    It never fails as ridiculousness as it may sound but it works. I'm going to go on a limb here and say all straight women have sucked a cock before....for some reason they treat a beer like its the god in our pants. Don't believe me?? Go to a gay/lesbian bar and check out how Mary the Bull drinks her beer.

    I don't know any tell signs for guys....sorry. If you think of any let us know. Wish I could help you more but do remember....if you find that special someone tonight...you better give him a reach around if you want a call back. Not giving a guy a reach around is like blowing a load in a girls mouth without asking for permission. Sure it might be okay for Friday night but it will lead a to lonely Saturday night.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  16. #256
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    oh, Ronnie.

  17. #257
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Quote Originally Posted by caco0283 View Post

    this girl is a lesbian





    this girl is straight




    this girl is my future exwife




    .
    How long have you been waiting to use this? Be honest.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  18. #258
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    few minutes....I just found the pix. Its something I really believe in. Me and my friends have this conversation all the time.

    You don't sit on gold like that....it just happens. Ask a question and I will give you answers from my life experiences.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  19. #259
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    what's the hottest thing you've ever seen a girl do? something that doesn't involve sexual relations with another chick or dude.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  20. #260
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Quote Originally Posted by caco0283 View Post
    this girl is a lesbian

    Careful Ronald, she could also be filthy rich royalty with that pinky placement. Shades of gray.

  21. #261
    I <3 Fall Out boy Yablonowitz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    This thread should never have died. Keep rollin'.
    Quote Originally Posted by ByTheWay, View Post
    If anyone raped or molested my wife or child i'd off them myself so I guess it doesn't matter. If you don't feel those type of emotions in that situation then that is you and in my opinion makes you a twisted person from a twisted state (UTAH) if that is where your from!

  22. #262
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    what's the hottest thing you've ever seen a girl do? something that doesn't involve sexual relations with another chick or dude.
    ill get to this after m lunch

    Quote Originally Posted by Yablonowitz View Post
    This thread should never have died. Keep rollin'.
    i know right....me and gabe are trying to find the cucumber story...that was a classic
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  23. #263
    Coachella Junkie schoolofruckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    I think the cucumber story is gone for good, which is just awful. It was a psychosexual odyssey that outpaced anything Lynch or Cronenberg or Dali could cook up, with probably the most impactful "Who's your mommy????" outburst of all time.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    The childless 20-something year olds on the board who find a 50 something year old man fucking teenage prostitutes distasteful will probably change the hum of their tune once they produce babies, definitely. That's the missing link.

  24. #264
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Quote Originally Posted by PotVsKtl View Post
    Careful Ronald, she could also be filthy rich royalty with that pinky placement. Shades of gray.
    too funny

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    what's the hottest thing you've ever seen a girl do? something that doesn't involve sexual relations with another chick or dude.
    This thread is titled "Ask Caco for Relationship Advice" so I have to ask myself why want to know what is the hottest thing I've seen a girl do. If you want to date me just ask. That's all you have to do. I'll fly out to wine and dine you and when we are done all memories of sadness will be wiped from your memory.


    Okay to really answer your question this chick I met about 3 weeks ago can party with us like a champ and not bitch and moan or turn into a monster by the end of the night. Sure that might not sound like much but a girl that can play volleyball on the beach with us all morning long....then football....then dance on the beach...then go out to dinner....then dancing till about 5 or 6 am and then sit at a poolside for a few hours turns me on. Especially when most girls will get tired....drunk...cranky...and ruin my time. So in short a girl that can really hang is hot!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  25. #265
    Member sbconnection's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Wow this thread is amazing, how does it keep dying?

    Question: How would you suggest going about getting more serious with a fuck buddy?

    If he isn't down this idea he may not want to fuck anymore... Should I even say anything?
    Weedeater/Black Cobra 1/17 @ Thee Parkside | Justin Timberlake @ SAP Center 1/19 | Scott H. Biram @ Rickshaw Stop 3/11 (?) |DEATH @ The Chapel 3/23 | Gary Numan @ the Fillmore 4/6 | Coachella Weekend 1 | Franz Ferdinand 4/28

  26. #266
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  27. #267
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Since Ronnie mentioned it in his "The Gift or the Curse" thread, it occurs to me that some of you retarded retards might benefit from a careful reading. You can thank me with a beer on the polo fields.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  28. #268
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    im fucked
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  29. #269
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Ask Caco for relationship advice

    Heyyy duuuude. I'm kind of a ladies man myself and all so if you're at Coachella we should hang and pick up on babes. But let's cross some notes: when a girl rejects you, what do you do?

  30. #270
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VigoTheCarpathian View Post
    Heyyy duuuude. I'm kind of a ladies man myself and all so if you're at Coachella we should hang and pick up on babes. But let's cross some notes: when a girl rejects you, what do you do?
    I go for her sister
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

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