Ask Caco for relationship advice

[psychic friend]

that's what she said

[full on idle]

::high-5::

[caco0283]

why do men always fall asleep after sex

Well some men fall asleep after sex for two main reasons. I for one am not one of those men, cos i like to make sure my ladies go to bed with a smile. Men you must make sure you stimulated it, please her like shes going to rate it and once you came, dont go to bed and sleep you must get more x-rated. So when you are ready to wish the night (or day for coke heads) goodbye she will look at you with a smile and think, "*****, youre going to hell, for real"

but thats not what you asked about...so the first reason is this...some men are selfish. After they got theirs, they don't care. They have nothing else to worry or care about. Some men feel that women need to stop with all that moaning and just bust a nut. I feel bad for women that are commited into relationships with men like that. Men don't need to be sensual but they do need to be respectful. Now there are things you as a woman can do to try to fix this problem. While you are switching juices, let him get his and go straight to the shower and go at it with that shower head. Make sure he can hear you so he can feel like an idiot for not being able to please his woman. Its one thing to just fall asleep, but its another thing to hear her being please by the shower. Crush his ego. You could also start some four play and stop. Take out your vibrator, get yours and go to bed. Do this while he is there. If he starts trying to stop you, ignore his selfish ass. To put the icing on your cake, bust your nut, and give yourself some four play. He should get the picture by then. If not, cut off his balls

The second reason is this, some men are afraid to touch women after sex. They think its disgusting. So I would suggest taking him in the shower, and clean him off. That way he wont feel like he's cuddling with his own juices when he holds you in his arms.

[schoolofruckus]

I pity the uninitiated.

[caco0283]

Why does my cat keep pissing on the bed?

do i look like petco??? sorry i cant help you on this...i would suggest praying about it

[kimery08]

interesting, very interesting...

[caco0283]

Greg, I have to go and start making dinner but I'll try to get back to this tonight, if not its the first thing Ill do tomorrow.

[kimery08]

okay, what about this.
"my friend" was dating this guy, they were hanging out and hooking up very regularly. friend noticed she was the one who always called the guy. so after one satisfactory night she decides "fuck it. im not calling him anymore. if he really wants to hang out with me he will." a week and a few days go by and she hasnt heard from him. then he calls out of nowhere like everything is coo. my question - was he making a booty call?

[Yablonowitz]

some men are selfish. After they got theirs, they don't care. They have nothing else to worry or care about. Some men feel that women need to stop with all that moaning and just bust a nut. I feel bad for women that are commited into relationships with men like that. Men don't need to be sensual but they do need to be respectful. Now there are things you as a woman can do to try to fix this problem. While you are switching juices, let him get his and go straight to the shower and go at it with that shower head. Make sure he can hear you so he can feel like an idiot for not being able to please his woman. Its one thing to just fall asleep, but its another thing to hear her being please by the shower. Crush his ego. You could also start some four play and stop. Take out your vibrator, get yours and go to bed. Do this while he is there. If he starts trying to stop you, ignore his selfish ass. To put the icing on your cake, bust your nut, and give yourself some four play. He should get the picture by then. If not, cut off his balls

The second reason is this, some men are afraid to touch women after sex. They think its disgusting. So I would suggest taking him in the shower, and clean him off. That way he wont feel like he's cuddling with his own juices when he holds you in his arms.

You need schooling on the refractory period and its effects as men age. You're so young.

Nevertheless, I'm always amazed at the creativity that flows out of you (pun intended) during these questions. You could give Dan Savage a serious run for his money.

[amyzzz]

I love Dan Savage.

[rampaige]

do i look like petco??? sorry i cant help you on this...i would suggest praying about it

You said relationships...you didn't specify what kind or who between.

And, you do kinda look like petco. Turn to the left a little bit....ah, there it is.

[mob roulette]

caco,

where all the white women at?

thanks for the love bro. respect.

mob

[caco0283]

We have a new co-worker here who is a little older than me, but has a very cute face. She smiles at me all the time and says "hi" every single time I come near her. She's carrying some extra baggage though. She's all the way downstairs and I rarely see her because I'm upstairs and have no reason to be down in her area. This is an impediment to further fraternizing and flirtatiousness. I also don't know if she's aware of my marital status and if that would be prohibitive for her. She shares an office with two other women who I don't really want to observe me pursuing her. You have suggested the bathroom in a previous commentary, but there are no locks on the doors. I don't really want to spend a lot of time and money on this (ie - arranging hotel room visits, etc) because she's not all-that.

How do I pull this off and where should I do it? That is...the sex with her.

Greg,

As promised this is the first thing I did online today. I love the fact that you wont spend a lot of time and money on her cos she's not all-that. Now I don't know exactly what her extra baggage could be so I'm going to assume its not kids because you have kids and you wouldn't consider yourself extra baggage. Maybe your'e talking about daddy issues. If this is true, during intercourse stay away from asking her "who's your daddy" This may trigger something in her that isn't an orgasm. She may flip and scream her dad's name while she lays left and rights on your face like a bear would to a gorilla. Which would end up making you think of Gabe while you are having sex, and thats a whole different issue we need to talk about.

Now if you are referring to her being downstairs you must remember this my friend. Getting laid is easy, sometimes its cheap, but you always have to do some work. I would take something off her desk one night at work, when nobody else is around. This has to be something she will miss. The next day place the item close to your desk, maybe if you have a copier.....or a fax machine leave it next to that. She will be forced to walk upstairs and see you. This will give her the oppurtunity to find out where you sit, and give you the chance to woo her away from the other women.

Now what do you say to her, well I always like to act like I have a problem and you are asking her for her suggestion. This gives women the sense of empowerment and they love that sort of stuff. Now you have to be clever with your problem because you want to add in the follow up motion. The follow up motion is what you live and die for....but I'll get back to the follow up motion in a moment. Now what kind of problems should you have....maybe you are bored with the books you have been buying and you need something new that you normally wouldn't buy. Maybe you need a new place to go to lunch. After discussing with her the problem and hearing her suggestions you hit her with the motion. "I'll give that book a try and take you out to lunch so we can discuss it (you could even add in a book for her to read)" or "We can do this, I'll take you out to lunch there so we can both decide if their fish is better than Caco's House of Fish" You want to make sure you show her youre confident and charming. You are showing her you care about her opinion and not about the crevis between her legs.

Now where can you bust one in her...well I believe back in June or July I told you had there is nothing better than having sex like a teenager. Go back to that. Its true. Take her to the movies and part her while you watch the Departed. You can also drive somewhere for lunch and have sex in the car, which also gives you the oppurtunity to get some road-head. Just watch out for the speed bumps, you don't want to choke her too bad. Good luck and let me know how things go

[bug on your lip]

they're right Caco... you need your own column

that was amazing

[Yablonowitz]

Thank you. I will try all of this and keep you apprised.

[TomAz]

Well some men fall asleep after sex for two main reasons. I for one am not one of those men, cos i like to make sure my ladies go to bed with a smile. Men you must make sure you stimulated it, please her like shes going to rate it and once you came, dont go to bed and sleep you must get more x-rated. So when you are ready to wish the night (or day for coke heads) goodbye she will look at you with a smile and think, "*****, youre going to hell, for real"

but thats not what you asked about...so the first reason is this...some men are selfish. After they got theirs, they don't care. They have nothing else to worry or care about. Some men feel that women need to stop with all that moaning and just bust a nut. I feel bad for women that are commited into relationships with men like that. Men don't need to be sensual but they do need to be respectful. Now there are things you as a woman can do to try to fix this problem. While you are switching juices, let him get his and go straight to the shower and go at it with that shower head. Make sure he can hear you so he can feel like an idiot for not being able to please his woman. Its one thing to just fall asleep, but its another thing to hear her being please by the shower. Crush his ego. You could also start some four play and stop. Take out your vibrator, get yours and go to bed. Do this while he is there. If he starts trying to stop you, ignore his selfish ass. To put the icing on your cake, bust your nut, and give yourself some four play. He should get the picture by then. If not, cut off his balls

The second reason is this, some men are afraid to touch women after sex. They think its disgusting. So I would suggest taking him in the shower, and clean him off. That way he wont feel like he's cuddling with his own juices when he holds you in his arms.

oxytocin

[caco0283]

Ronnie how much semen does it take to clog a shower?

That's hard to say. See if I were to clog my shower it would be quicker than someone who is bald. I have long beautiful curls and the semen would get all caught up in there and stop the water at a faster rate.

Dear Ronnie,What do I get the guy I just started dating for Valentine's Day?Thanks.

Well if you havnt put out yet, I would end the evening by doing that. V day is thee day for him to get a good lay. Now if you already put out, well you should get some toys, I would suggest the triple clit flicker. It stimulates yourself and gives him the tingles at the same time. Maybe get some hot body wax and rub it on his butt crack so it simultaneously stings and tickles

[caco0283]

Sorry I've been busy with my new job and my personal love life is going to shit right now and i dont know what to do but its back to work on here so here we go

okay, what about this.
"my friend" was dating this guy, they were hanging out and hooking up very regularly. friend noticed she was the one who always called the guy. so after one satisfactory night she decides "fuck it. im not calling him anymore. if he really wants to hang out with me he will." a week and a few days go by and she hasnt heard from him. then he calls out of nowhere like everything is coo. my question - was he making a booty call?

Well I can speak from experience on this..."your friend" should just kill herself...why cos women are evil and deserve to die of mad-caco disease....no but really...."your friend" should kill herself.....my reason is this....to start off she was a booty call...there's no doubt about it....and not a great one at that....how do i know that....i would call my best BC (that stands for booty call not Before Christ or bitch cracker) at least twice and if she was really good three times a week. Now if he called her about 10 days later...think of all the women he either hooked up with or was trying to hook up with cos she wasnt worth his time...except for when he really needed some. Now maybe your friend will say..."well he used to always come over and we would watch a movie and hang out and yeah sure we slept together." Well sweetheart you have to cook the dinner before you can eat it. He was just adding all the right spices and making sure he would have some left overs for a rainy day when he didn't want to go out to eat.

Now if you don't want to kill yourself this is what she can do. Stop being a booty call. Stop going after the guys the treat you like meat...stop going after the men that hit you...verbally abuse you....make you feel lower than your abusive father made you feel. Remember very few people are ever going to really love you so dont run away from that guy who is nice to women....a guy that can look pass your make-up and perfume...not a man that will play you on differnet emotions. Next time you feel like a booty call and you are with a man....just remember you diserve a real man. You need a man that doesn't rip in you like there is no love cos he wont care if you pull that trigger. Go after that man that will taste you like he praises you...cos this universe here...was not put here for you to suffer alone

[schoolofruckus]

I'd say that, in his own particular roundabout way, that was the best actual advice that El Professional has ever dispensed.


He's just mad because I cockblocked him over the phone.

[caco0283]

now this is irony...the girl im having problems with right now is the same girl gabe blocked me with over the phone....well it wasnt really a cockblock but he was on the phone with her and called her and thought she was rita and called her rita

[UnicornsForBreakfast]

Dearest Caco,

I've been with the same guy for over a year, and he keeps getting on my nerves. He talks about chicks on a daily basis. When I bitch about it, he says he does it to "keep me on my toes". I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Sometimes, he says it's cute when I'm jealous, and I explain to him that I'm not upset because I'm jealous that he slapped some tub of lard on the tit, but that I'm upset because he is a moron for putting that much effort into trying to piss me off. Sometimes, it gets on my nerves so much that I slap him accross the head, or hang up on him. He acts like this is completely uncalled for. What in the blue fuck is his problem?

[jimmycrackcorn]

hahaha LOL man this picture makes me laugh every time... it was hilarious in the response to "any ladies wanna share an rv" thread too

[schoolofruckus]

Dearest Caco,

I've been with the same guy for over a year, and he keeps getting on my nerves. He talks about chicks on a daily basis. When I bitch about it, he says he does it to "keep me on my toes". I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Sometimes, he says it's cute when I'm jealous, and I explain to him that I'm not upset because I'm jealous that he slapped some tub of lard on the tit, but that I'm upset because he is a moron for putting that much effort into trying to piss me off. Sometimes, it gets on my nerves so much that I slap him accross the head, or hang up on him. He acts like this is completely uncalled for. What in the blue fuck is his problem?

This is gonna be an epic cacoism. I can feel it.

[caco0283]

thats what she said

[Stefinitely Maybe]

Dear Caco,

As you may or may not realise, Tuesday was Pancake Day here in England. It's no big deal, but my girlfriend thought it would be nice if we could make pancakes together after work, and I agreed.

However, I ended up going out with a bunch of people from my office instead, and getting incredibly drunk. At about 10pm I remembered it was pancake day, and realised that I was in trouble. So I thought "I know, I'll get all the ingredients and go home and make pancakes for my girlfriend and then she'll forgive me".

So on my way home I went to the store and bought pancake mix, and chocolate sauce, and strawberries, and lemon juice, and ice cream, and so on. A real pancake feast. I had the munchies too, so I was really hungry.

I got home at about 10:30pm and my girlfriend was already in bed. I stormed into the bedroom drunk and turned on all the lights and said "Come on, I'm making you a pancake feast" and then stumbled into the kitchen and started to throw all the ingredients around.

She was annoyed at first but couldn't help but smile, and the pancakes tasted amazing, so she was pretty happy with my efforts. Then she started to laugh at me for being so drunk, and for the fact that I had basically covered the entire kitchen in pancake mix, ice cream, and chocolate sauce. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were having sex on the kitchen counter, and then on the kitchen table, and on the kitchen chairs, and then back in the bedroom.

A successful night, right? OR SO I THOUGHT.

I wake up the next morning and she is totally mad at me and barely speaking to me. She says "you came in late last night and you were totally drunk and made a complete mess of the kitchen"!

I apologise and say that I wanted to surprise her with pancakes and that I thought she had enjoyed the evening, but she is still mad at me. She says "You just wanted drunken sex last night, I could have been anyone!" Then she says "What if you had been on tour last night, getting drunk, and I was some groupie? Would you have fucked her too? How can I trust you?"

(My girlfriend gets paranoid about me being in a band and meeting girls a lot).

So tell me, Caco, what should I do?

Yours gratefullly,

Stef

[caco0283]

caco,

where all the white women at?

thanks for the love bro. respect.

mob

Where all the white women at?? Well my friend you are asking the wrong question. I don't care where all the white women are at. What you need to be askking is where are all the respectable women at. That is something you need to find my brother. Who cares what color they are....who cares what race they are....you need to care about the things that matter....do they have class....are they physically and mentally attractive to your mind and eye and not that of your friends. See I would choose a respectable white girl over a crazy ass latin girl that can barely speak English. I hate to give positive advice twice in a row but I have nothing to run with on this one. Sure I could say all the white women are on their knees cos white chicks love to give head...some will even start throw your whole nut sack in their mouth.....its one of those gifts that white women have....I wonder if white gay men give great head like white do. Anyone care to share the info??

[full on idle]

Caco found the respectable women at the strip club.

[mob roulette]

Thanks caco. Also,

First I let my wheels spin, then I let my screen fall
Then I let my trunk beat at Greenbriar Mall, tall
And then I pimp a foe, take a bitch to Berlin
Bitch break ninjaz, after that we buck they girlfriend
My girl got a girlfriend, Chevy blue like whirlwind
Ninja it's a drought on that boy, so I got that girl in
Pearl Bent', cockin' hammer, Arm & Hammer propaganda
Bitches think I'm pimpin' and leanin' in salamander sandels
Dirty South hot cuz Atlanta.. show ninjaz with ammo
We ride Phantom, holla shawty for grammar
Yep, now I be on TV, BET, out the channel
Hood ninja from Bankhead, I stay by Grandma Nana
I lay by my banana, dumpin' and punkin' monkeys
Don't nobody live with my mom but a bunch of junkies
Throw me the donkey, bitch I ride glaze on the haze
Gator green Chevy, gator gut, alligator J's...

Can you help? Thanks man.

[kimery08]

bump.

[caco0283]

Caco found the respectable women at the strip club

I will have no real comment for this.