Get to know your fellow board members....

[TomAz]

I gave him the option of fucking two women at the same time without any repercussions

No you didn't. He had that option already. What you did was agree to be one of the two.

[locachica73]

Can you tell us more about the father of your kids and what role they have played in your life and their upbringing?

I knew the father of my kids from childhood, he use to be my neighbor as a kid. They were the evil Callahan boys. Always in trouble. He had also had a very rough childhood, was beat on a regular basis as a child by his father. We lived in a very small town and everyone knew everyone. Many years later, when I was 18 I got a job at a plastics factory. He was my supervisor. We worked graveyard and one morning after work him and his brother took my friend and I out to drink. Him and I ended up hooking up. He had a girlfriend at the time that I was not aware of and when I found out I broke up with him. Three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I decided to keep the baby but didn't expect him to stay with me, I made that choice and figured it was up to me. I did tell him that I was pregnant though, so he decided he wanted to be with me, or so he said. I found out that he was still seeing her so we broke up again. When I was 6 months pregnant he finally ended things with her for good and we were together.

I had known that he liked to party. We had partied together in fact. I just was not aware of the extent of his party life. I found out after awhile that he was a big fan of meth. I didn't know much about the drug, I learned as time went on. I tried to get him to stop, but he was an addict. I planned on leaving him again when my daughter was a year old, I just couldn't deal with the lifestyle anymore. His addiction had gotten worse and he had become abusive. Because I had been sexually abused as a child by my mothers boyfriend I was scared to leave him because I thought I would end up with a man who would do to my daughter what had been done to me. So it took a lot to decide to leave, but I finally did....

A week later I found out I was pregnant again. I stupidly thought it was gods way of telling me we were meant to be together. That I was suppose to save him or something.

I had my son and Scott just got more and more abusive. I finally left for good after he tried to choke me one night. My son was a month old.

Scott's addiction was so bad though that I walked away, I wanted him to be a part of the kids lives but he was just too far gone. I learned after I left that he had started shooting up heroin, had been while we were together, but I didn't even know because he shot it between his toes. I never went after him for child support because I knew that he would then think he had a right to my children's lives and I wasn't going to have that. I told him if he ever got clean then he could come back into their lives.

About 6 years ago his brother hung himself. Scott got clean and called the kids for the first time in years. He made all sorts of promises to the kids and then a week later overdosed on heroin.

I hate what happened to him, I hate that I have had to raise my kids completely alone because he couldn't get off the drugs. I always wonder if there is something I could have done or said that would have made a difference but I know in my heart that there was nothing I could have done. He was a haunted soul.

[faxman75]

My mom is 53 and is still making the same poor choices with unavailable men. Whether they cheat, were alcoholics or coke heads or addicted to god knows what else. Sadly the only way to break these patterns is to realize as soon as you are attracted to someone, it's likely they fit the profile of every other guy that has been in your life. If there is attraction you need to ignore it and somehow work through what makes you attracted to that type. Truely tragic. Keep that radar up and don't blame yourself for not trusting someone who has already shown plenty of reason not to be trusted.

[TommyboyUNM]

But in all honesty, I see fucking as an act. Men are men, I gave him the option of fucking two women at the same time without any repercussions. As a man I didn't expect any less from him than to continue the act. I liked the sneakiness of it for a time so yes, I do blame myself more than him because as a woman I should know better.

I very much disagree with this viewpoint, but the honesty is refreshing.

Is there anything you've ever written (school assignment, journal entry, etc.) that you're most proud of? And why are you proud of it?

[algunz]

Someone turned you in for a blow job in a Vegas bathroom?!!!?

That's ridiculous . . . on the part of the person who turned you in, shameful.

[fatbastard]

I want to drink with you right now.

[locachica73]

I very much disagree with this viewpoint, but the honesty is refreshing.

Is there anything you've ever written (school assignment, journal entry, etc.) that you're most proud of? And why are you proud of it?

You know, I have never really been one to write in a Journal and I was not a big fan of school. I can't even think of a writing assignment I really enjoyed. Maybe because they never gave us anything all that exciting to write about.

The only time I really enjoyed school was when I was in 3rd grade. I was actually a very good student and they passed me up a grade level halfway through the year. I guess that was my proudest academic type achievement. Then my mom had to move us to a new city, they wouldn't let me stay in the 4th grade anymore and made me go back to 3rd. I got bored with the subject matter because I had already done it. So I kind of gave up at that point.

Then when my son was born I went to a trade school and learned all I could about being an administrative assistant/accountant and got a job. Life has kind of taken over since then. I kind of look forward to that experience though. I am thinking about looking into taking some classes so I can figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Someone turned you in for a blow job in a Vegas bathroom?!!!?

That's ridiculous . . . on the part of the person who turned you in, shameful.

That is what I thought.... You can have hookers but no blow jobs in a bathroom? WTF

[locachica73]

I want to drink with you right now.

I was just thinking about grabbing one of the Breckenridge Porters I have left over in the fridge from when Marc Sparks fixed my computer... Grab a beer!!!

[faxman75]

You can have hookers but no blow jobs in a bathroom? WTF

Hookers are also illegal in Vegas. My guess is the casino was assuming that's what you were which is why they took the photo and expected you might be returning to turn tricks in their bathroom. Even though we know you are not a hooker the casino very well could have developed this opinion based on passed experience and wasn't going to listen to any excuses from a drunk girl who just violated whatever policies they have.

I have a friend who just last year recieved oral outside of her hotel room at the luxor. In the hallway, against the wall in open view. She didn't get busted but i'm assuming if she did, she might have recieved the same banning.

What would be your dream job?

[locachica73]

My mom is 53 and is still making the same poor choices with unavailable men. Whether they cheat, were alcoholics or coke heads or addicted to god knows what else. Sadly the only way to break these patterns is to realize as soon as you are attracted to someone, it's likely they fit the profile of every other guy that has been in your life. If there is attraction you need to ignore it and somehow work through what makes you attracted to that type. Truely tragic. Keep that radar up and don't blame yourself for not trusting someone who has already shown plenty of reason not to be trusted.

OK, I had to give this some thought before i typed up my response because I am high right now and 80 things came rushing to my head... but here goes.

I want to say I do trust Nick. He was dating, they were not living together or married, they had just met at a bar, fucked, and continued to fuck. I don't think that is even considered a relationship in this day and age. So when we first started hooking up, I really don't know that there was anything wrong with that. But then as time went on, it got kind of too late to really say anything without her getting hurt. He had stopped hanging out with her regularly after he started hanging out with me. They only saw each other 1 or 2 times a week. Yes he should have told her that he was seeing me, but I also don't think we as women should assume just because we are fucking a guy that means he isn't fucking anyone else. It is called dating for a reason and until we have that conversation, saying ok, this is it, it is just you and I from here on out, I think it is fair game. What I feel badly about is that she got hurt, I hate that I was the cause of someone's pain, knowingly.

Yes there are times I think too much and freak myself out, just because he fell asleep watching tv before he called me. I have serious abandonment issues, a man should not have to call his girlfriend two times a night on the 2 nights a week he is not at my house, but Nick does because he knows I am really insecure. That is why I know I can trust him and I have finally broken out of my pattern.

[locachica73]

I didn't even think about them thinking I could be a hooker... Funny. You are probably right. My mother will be so proud.

What would be your dream job?

Well, I have often thought I would like to own a small bar/club somewhere on the beach. I think I would be really good at it. I have been told I would make a good bartender because I am always happy and the life of the party. I have been thinking about trying to get a job as a bartender to see if I would like it but having no experience and no breasts make it hard to get a job at a bar in this town.

Other than that I would have loved to become either a therapist for children and adult survivors of sexual abuse or an advocate for children's rights. Unfortunately to experience that dream I would have to pretty much start from scratch and I don't have the energy anymore.

[TomAz]

Nick. ...Yes there are times I think too much and freak myself out, just because he fell asleep watching tv before he called me. I have serious abandonment issues, a man should not have to call his girlfriend two times a night on the 2 nights a week he is not at my house, but Nick does because he knows I am really insecure.

so why do you think he puts up with your shit?

[faxman75]

Him playing into your insecurities isn't going to help you either. You need to work on you before you can find someone who isn't like the rest. Not to mention the silly ritual of calling you twice on the nights you are not together doesn't really prove he is or isn't a bad guy. Until you work on those issues you have, they aren't going to just go away. You need help for those issues and the new boy is only making matters worse by playing into your insecurities.

You haven't broken the pattern. You are with a guy who cheats. He may not be currently cheating but he was cheating when you met.

Saying you know you can trust him because he calls you to reassure you that he's not out cheating is not healthy. To be fair, you don't really know what he was telling her or what their arrangement was but you do know he was fucking you behind her back. Maybe it wouldn't be cheating if there was some open relationship agreement but that obviously wasn't in place and she was hurt by him fucking you.

I'm curious, if he was so concerned about hurting her feelings, why did he go out of his way to say he was fucking someone else? You can easily break up with someone without destroying them by saying you have been fucking someone else. This guy aleviated his own guilt. That was the only benefit of telling the chick he was also fucking you.

[locachica73]

so why do you think he puts up with your shit?

Because other than that, I am an extremely cool chick. I like to drink beer, shoot pool, play cards, hang out with the guys. I am not clingy, gossipy, I hate to shop, don't like jewelery. He doesn't need to lie to his buddies to go hang out at the bar or the casino because chances are I am already there. I even go to the strip club with him. Plus... I am magical.

My insecurities are my biggest downfall. The fact that I don't think I am worthy. Trust me, I have gone to therapy, I have analyzed myself to no end. I know what is wrong with me, I just don't know how to fix it.

In fact, the times that I freak out, I am not even assuming that he is cheating on me, I just assume he got tired of my shit and finally wised up and left me.

Luckily he loves me enough to stick around, which is a new concept to me.

[TomAz]

I'm not sure I see what's appealing about a woman who doesn't like jewelry? I mean why is that listed in your first paragraph about why he is with you? because you don't like jewelry? what? I think you're holding out.

at least the bit about the strip club made sense.

[faxman75]

Loca, does size matter when it comes to cock?

[daxton]

Loca, what are a couple quitly pleasures of yours?

Edit: err, I mean guilty. Wtf is wrong with me? Ha.

[daxton]

Loca, does size matter when it comes to cock?

Can't wait for this answer. If size doesn't matter then what is the most important cock attribute or is there something else sexual that's more important to you?

[amyzzz]

is that "guilty?"

[weeklymix]

Moar veins.

[daxton]

is that "guilty?"

Hm? My 2 questions were not related.

[amyzzz]

Loca, what are a couple quitly pleasures of yours?

...?? "guilty?"

[M Sparks]

Fax, I know you are trying to be helpful, but you are projecting a lot. Not everyone has the same kind of relationships.

[M Sparks]

I'm not sure I see what's appealing about a woman who doesn't like jewelry?

You aren't expected to buy it for her.

[TommyboyUNM]

Fax, I know you are trying to be helpful, but you are projecting a lot. Not everyone has the same kind of relationships.

But nearly everyone follows relationship patterns throughout their lives. I think there's a lot of merit to what Fax is saying.

[locachica73]

Him playing into your insecurities isn't going to help you either. You need to work on you before you can find someone who isn't like the rest. Not to mention the silly ritual of calling you twice on the nights you are not together doesn't really prove he is or isn't a bad guy. Until you work on those issues you have, they aren't going to just go away. You need help for those issues and the new boy is only making matters worse by playing into your insecurities.

You haven't broken the pattern. You are with a guy who cheats. He may not be currently cheating but he was cheating when you met.

Saying you know you can trust him because calls you to reassure you that he's not out cheating is not healthy. To be fair, you don't really know what he was telling her or what their arrangement was but you do know he was fucking you behind her back.

Have I mentioned I hate to argue? But I am up for a good debate so here goes.

First off, we both made mistakes, just like everyone makes mistakes. Yes he cheated, does that make him a cheater? He also has a long history of not cheating so maybe it was just the situation. There are some men, like my ex Nino, who are incapable of remaining faithful. I do not believe Nick is that guy.

In all actuality, the reason I dated men who were unavailable is because I wasn't available. I had been emotionally wrecked in between 3rd grade and 25 years old. I stayed married to a man for 8 years for convenience, knowing he had a girlfriend in mexico, because I was incapable of letting my heart go. I was not going to allow another man to ever hurt me. So I dated men who were in relationships. Then when I was 30 I realized I wanted more, I had finally decided that I was worthy of love and went searching for it. Then I met Nino and got destroyed yet again. So I went back to my old habits of flirting/fucking with unavailable men so I didn't get hurt.

Nick was not attractive to me until he was with Suzette, because then he became safe. I kind of went after him. So yes, maybe I did have a pattern, but it is a different kind of pattern.

Somewhere along the way I got attached, something I haven't done in a long time. Yes it may end badly, yes he may cheat, but that is the case with every relationship. You have to take the chance or die alone with cats.

I have many years of therapy in front of me, but to give up on having happiness until I am mentally sound is asking a lot.

The reason I know he is outside my normal pattern is because he treats me well, he respects me, he knows my issues and accepts them, taking the time to call me because he knows I am scared. The men of my past would have just told me to fuck off while they went and fucked another chick. Nick takes the time to reassure me he isn't going anywhere.

The first step to finding love is having a little faith in someone.

[daxton]

...?? "guilty?"

Oh shit.

[locachica73]

I'm curious, if he was so concerned about hurting her feelings, why did he go out of his way to say he was fucking someone else? You can easily break up with someone without destroying them by saying you have been fucking someone else. This guy aleviated his own guilt. That was the only benefit of telling the chick he was also fucking you.

Actually I had come to the point of wanting him to choose, had given him a week to make his choice. Then this girl we know from the bar decided to make a point of calling Suzette to come up to the bar when him and I were there together. Suzette showed up and realized the truth, she gave him the same ultimatum but wanted him to choose then and there. He chose me.

Would he have made the same choice had she not found out? He tells me that he was getting ready to break it off with her but I won't ever know that for sure. But I do have faith that things are the way they should be. In fact we have learned through conversations that we had hung out in the same places throughout the years. Maybe this is fate? I kind of like to think that. Maybe finding him is my cosmic payoff for all the shitty things I have encountered. We just took a few detours.

I'm not sure I see what's appealing about a woman who doesn't like jewelry? I mean why is that listed in your first paragraph about why he is with you? because you don't like jewelry? what? I think you're holding out.

at least the bit about the strip club made sense.

We joke sometimes when watching Bridezilla, there are these women on there wanting $40,000 rings. I told him once that I would kick his ass if he ever bought me a $40,000 ring, he better save that money and spend it on something more reasonable. I don't need any flashy diamond to prove his love, I would rather spend that money on a cool vacation.

Loca, does size matter when it comes to cock?

Yes and No... Sorry, I am still on the fence with that one. But not in the way you think. A guy can learn how to work with a small cock but if it's too big it is just too big. Some women apparently like that. But jesus, if a girl nicknames you the bull it isn't a good thing.

Loca, what are a couple quitly pleasures of yours?

I love bad reality tv... Especially when pretty girls cry. I am a big fan of all these model type shows. I also like the fashion ones. I can sit and watch Project Runway reruns all day.

I love big hair 80's rock. Find me a dive bar with a pool table and an old 80's rock cover band and I am a happy girl. I know that goes against all the music lovers out there but that is why they call it a guilty pleasure.

Can't wait for this answer. If size doesn't matter then what is the most important cock attribute or is there something else sexual that's more important to you?

I prefer width over length, and like I said, it has to be not gigantic. If I can't give a proper blow job then the dick is too big.

Moar veins.

?????

But nearly everyone follows relationship patterns throughout their lives. I think there's a lot of merit to what Fax is saying.

Yes, this is true, but we all have them. It is just a matter of finding the happy where you can. If for some reason it doesn't work out, I will survive it and learn from it. But I am going to enjoy every minute of it for now. I think that is the true key to happiness. Why sit around and worry about if your going to be happy 5 yrs from now, get what happy you can right now.

[faxman75]

Fax, I know you are trying to be helpful, but you are projecting a lot. Not everyone has the same kind of relationships.

My comments were based specifically on the information she gave. She revealed the patterns. She hasn't denied them, so i'm wondering what you think i'm projecting.


I'm not going to dwell any longer and Loca I appreciate your honesty and willingness to answer my questions. The rest of you are up to bat to ask some good questions.

I do wish you the best of luck loca and I think you know I wasn't attacking you. In fact I wasn't trying to argue either so i'm glad you changed that to debate though that's not what it was about anyway. Enjoy your week!

[Courtney]

We joke sometimes when watching Bridezilla, there are these women on there wanting $40,000 rings. I told him once that I would kick his ass if he ever bought me a $40,000 ring, he better save that money and spend it on something more reasonable. I don't need any flashy diamond to prove his love, I would rather spend that money on a cool vacation.

I'm going to admit here that I like big, sparkly things as much as the next stereotypical woman.

But I'm of the opinion that unless you're far enough along in your relationship that you have shared finances, it is not up to you to make a judgment about how he spends his money, whether that means he's spending money on a gift for you or that he's spending money on a massive flat screen TV for himself. It's not your decision to make for him.