Audra. I really like you. I think you are a great person. Thanks for always cleaning up after us and driving and showing up to my stuff and being an all around great person. Thank you for BK with no meat and for getting my Starbucks right. Thanks for driving to LA and then SD and then Burbank and then back to my house without complaining.
Please come rave with us?
Audra, who is Nick and more importantly can you give us a list of your "bad deeds" or at least a smattering of examples?
Bad deeds.... Well I have never really been a good girl so to speak, I have tried to enjoy life to the fullest, which often times goes against what the good book tells us... You know, that whole sex out of marriage thing fucks me over every time.
I guess one of my worst deeds in other peoples minds would be having dated Nick for several months knowing he was dating someone else. I knew of her but of course she didn't know of me, she knew him and I were friends but not that we were fucking. I do feel bad about that, still to this day, but they had only started dating and had never discussed exclusivity. That is what I tell myself, but I know the right thing would have been to tell her. I just wasn't at the point in my life that I could have had a full blown relationship, and it gave Nick and I an opportunity to really get to know each other without the stress of the relationship, which I think worked out in our best interest. So I guess I really am not sorry for that, because had he not been dating her then I doubt I would have allowed myself to care for him.
I am sure I have broken at least 4 of the commandments along the way, maybe more, I can't remember them from my bible study days.
Sparks, do you really believe that the means justify the end?
Loca, how old are you?
I can't say there aren't still some trust issues, it is one of the few things we are still working on. He is with me 5 nights a week and if for some reason he doesn't call me before going to bed on one of the nights we aren't together I worry. But then I realize I am just being illogical. I think those trust issues would be there for me regardless of the circumstances though.
I don't think your being illogical. You just told us you have been cheated on in the past which means you may be following a pattern of dating unavailable men. His excuse for cheating on her instead of breaking up was he didn't want to hurt her. That's a flawed excuse to begin with. If he cared about her feelings he wouldn't have fucked around on her to begin with.
Be careful loca, recognize patterns and learn from them. I'm not saying this guy is guaranteed to keep cheating but there are certain behavioral patterns that exist for both of you so it's good to keep your radar on full power.
Loca, have you ever been a thrill seeker? What's the most adrenaline rushed thing you have done ie; skydiving, roller coasters, rob a bank etc..?
As for staying positive through bad times... I have lived a very hard life, been through some stuff that people can't even imagine. So now, with these bumps that keep coming up, I just look at it as... it could always be worse. There are people out there in the world who have no home, no food and no people they can lean on. I am very blessed to have what I do have.
I also always try to find the silver lining in every situation. If you look hard enough it is there, and I can usually find a joke there too.
Also, once when I was a teenager we went to the logging bridge. I just went to drink and play in the water, but my friends use to climb up and jump off. I never would do it though because it looked too fucking scary. But somehow I got double dog dared into it (yes, that works on women sometimes too). I climbed all the way up, which was fine because I couldn't really look down during the climb. But when I got to the top I chickened out. Unfortunately, once you climb up you can't really climb back down so I was forced to jump. I almost drowned 3 times as a kid so getting water up my nose freaks me the fuck out. So I stood there, prayed, plugged my nose and jumped. I hit the water ass first, legs straight out in front of me. My hand flew off my nose as soon as I hit the water. I got under water and couldn't figure out which way was up so I let myself relax and floated to the top. I ended up with bruises from feet to ass.... GOOD TIMES!!!
So answer the question again, but this time, answer it without taking blame for someone else.
So onto other bad deeds.... fun/interesting ones this time lol.
I have been 86'ed from the MGM Grand in Vegas for lewd acts in a public place.
Once when I was a kid my mother had left my brother and I in the car while she went into the bar to "open the safe" which always seemed to take awhile. I was bored once and my little brother was annoying me. So I pushed in the cigarette lighter and told him to touch it to see if it was hot. (SO MEAN!!!)
We had these neighbor girls that use to pick on me quite often. I was kind of a wimpy kid with a lisp so the neighborhood bullies use to love to terrorize me. My older sister got mad about it, apparently she was the only one allowed to terrorize me. So one night she was babysitting my friend and I, we stayed up really late because we were going to toilet paper their house... But we didn't just TP it, we did it right. We mixed up a cake mix and put it in their mailbox, toilet papered their entire house, put shaving cream on their car and then... We decided to sew little voodoo dolls of each of the girls, hung them from the porch and stuck them with needles. Probably the most evil thing I have ever done. Of course the knew we did it and we lived in a tiny town so the cop they sent over knew my mom really well. We got woke up at 6 am after having not gone to bed till after 2, had to go over there in the foggy/rain and clean it all up.
OK, but if anyone says some shit about not wanting to know about old people fucking I will beat them with my crutch at coachella...
The guy I was with really wanted a blow job, we didn't want to take the time to walk all the way back to our hotel so he talked me into going into the men's room, I was extremely drunk on grey goose martinis so I was more agreeable apparently. I am really not the fuck in the men's room kind of girl. Someone turned us in and a security guard came banging on the door in the middle of the act. They separated us, took him one way and me the other. Next thing I know they are taking Polaroid photo's of me and threw me out the back door into an ally. I was calling my friends not knowing where the fuck I was. It was like 3 pm. I haven't been to Vegas since. LOL
Just a warning, I am extremely honest and so will probably answer any question if asked directly. It is a bad habit/curse I suppose.
But in all honesty, I see fucking as an act. Men are men, I gave him the option of fucking two women at the same time without any repercussions. As a man I didn't expect any less from him than to continue the act. I liked the sneakiness of it for a time so yes, I do blame myself more than him because as a woman I should know better.
But I do not regret it, not for a minute. Because I found what I didn't even realize I was looking for. For that I am grateful.
Can you tell us more about the father of your kids and what role they have played in your life and their upbringing?