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Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.
The only acceptable answer around here is Olde English. I can probably pound about 5 or 6 in one sitting. Sometimes I'll sneak a taste of Steel Reserve, but I just tell my homies that's it's a different color bottle of OE. You know....because they can't read and all....
I've always been more of a cat person. They aren't as needy or high maintenance.
As far as exotic animals, I'd like to own a Cassowary. It's widely considered the world's most dangerous bird. I'd probably make it fight things all day for my entertainment.
Do you remember the feeling you got when you walked into an S&M dungeon for the first time?
I'm not sure if this genre exists, but it would be a Mexploitation film. Not unlike Blaxploitation, where I'd just karate chop motherfuckers and have sex with questionable women. Only, instead of an afro, my hair would be slicked back with Tres Flores.
Jesus, I feel like I let a monster in with Tommy being the boardie of the week....
Tommy, on our 1st meeting, was it your intention to rape me intially? Or was it after you realised how stunning I was?
Which was your favorite Elaine Stritch (Jack's mother) episode. moment and/or line of 30 Rock? (There's only one correct answer for this.)
What's the most metrosexual thing you do in your daily routine?
What was your biggest conflict at this year's (or the last year you attended) Coachella?
Who is on your list?
I don't religiously watch any TV show, so I'm afraid I can't answer the first question. I will say that one of the quotes that made me laugh was when Jack was talking to Lemon about Kenneth. He said something like "In five years, we'll all be working for him or we will be dead by his hand."
How metrosexual is pube trimming? I lotion my elbows every day because they get ashy. Does that count?
My biggest conflicts were Paul McCartney/The Presets and TV On The Radio/Calexico. I chose Paul McCartney and Calexico. I probably should've seen The Presets then McCartney. I don't regret choosing Calexico.
Can you be more specific, teach?
Pube trimming is not metrosexual, just courteous.
Is the lotion scented or containing sparkly qualities?
Well, I'm pro-glitter, but more and more this thread seems to be an attempt to point out your poofer-y tendencies.
Tommy, what was your biggest radio fuck up?
Have you ever had carnal relations in the studio? Story please.
Please discuss the most psycho listener that latched onto you.
moving away from your sexual conquests & habits...
what is your indian spirit guide?
warlock, wizard or sorcerer?
do you have any odd hidden talents?
how do you feel your week is shaping up thus far; is it everything you expected and more?
can you jitterbug?
what is the most mexican thing you have done?
Have you ever stolen anything? If so, what was the best thing you nicked?
Also, please answer my pee question from a page or two back. Also, if you can work the theft and pee into the same story, that would be swell.
You're to be stranded on a desert island for 2 months of your life, and you can take any one person from the planet Earth with you to spend your 2 months with in solitude. You are already provided with food, shelter, and everything else survival-related. Who would you choose and why?
Also, stock question: Tell us about the time you came closest to dying.
My biggest radio fuck up, like most radio fuck ups, came my first week on the job. I was doing a sports update on a Sunday in between NFL games. I was shaking and stuttering like a little bitch. Well, after stumbling a few times, I just sort of froze. My body turned warm and there was dead air. I managed to pull it together, give a score, then punch out to a commercial. I quickly said "Shit, that sucked." But I forgot to turn off my mic. A couple of listeners called to tell me on cussed on the air, but I just denied it. I wish I didn't erase that air check.
I got a blow job while doing a late-night board op shift one time. I wasn't on the air that night or anything, but she was giving me head while I was putting other people on the air. They were doing a remote from a club.
When I was doing traffic for a pop music station here in town, I had a woman who would call in about once a week for a year and a half to tell me I had a sexy voice. She said that when I said "rollover" and "backup" that it made her horny. We even referred to her on the air as my stalker. One night, they actually let me be the talent for a remote at a club. She showed up and was hanging around the entire night. She was dead serious about getting horny because of my voice. She wanted to go on dates and all of that and it started to creep me out.
Clearly a wizard. No question.
I have a weird talent for making up words. It usually happens while I'm intoxicated. Do you know what a responsibilificationer is? I do.
My week is shaping up great. I was a little stressed because of work for the past couple of days, but I finished my part of a study today and I feel good. My next project doesn't start until Friday. So tomorrow I can get organized and try to maybe work ahead? Or probably just surf the Coachella board. Oh and I'm having a graduation party on Saturday. You should come.
I can't jitterbug, but I can salsa. And which one is more sexy?
The most Mexican thing I've ever done is probably slick my hair back all cholo status when I was in middle school. I used a ton of Tres Flores until that shit was freakishly slick. Tres Flores is just basically just vaseline. Also, I've impregnated many white woman and took off.
I actually have a Nativity scene with the little baby Jesus waving around a Confederate flag. And one of the wise men has a tattoo that reads "Jefferson Davis is my president."
In high school, I stole a lot of things. I used to steal magazines all the time. Athlon Sports magazines and Penthouse Variations were my two favorite items. My friend Allen and I got in a phase where we stole these sports figures called Headliners. We used to steal them from Toys R' Us maybe twice a week. I've also stolen Ally's virginity. At least that's what she told me.
I would probably take my current lady friend because sex is a must if I'm gonna be stranded on a desert island. And I know it's pretty fucking good with her. Plus, she knows a thing or two about music and I could talk to her about it.
I WAS in a drive-by shooting, but I came closer to dying when I was drinking with my friends in high school. I was 17 and I had a long day at work. Someone called in sick so they asked me to cover for him. It was back to school time and I sold athletic shoes. So I had to deal with bratty kids all day. So I decided I was gonna get really fucked up. That night, I had a grand total of about 23 shots of vodka. Apparently, with the last few shots, I was just sipping the vodka like water. I woke up in a pool of my own vomit. I was drunk for a while the next day. It was the worst I've ever felt in my life. My co-workers apologized to me for not taking me to the hospital. I was really scared and felt very stupid. I still can't really smell vodka to this day.
This actually happened with a few Coachella board members present. It took place while watching The Flaming Lips in Scottsdale a week after Coachella. Before the show, TomAZ and Somewhat Damaged bought me beers. Those, to go along with the good amount of beer I had before the show, caused me to want to urinate real bad. We (me, Captncrzy, Somewhat Damaged, TomAZ and Faxman) got pretty good spots for the show. After a couple of songs, the sensation to pee got really overwhelming. I didn't want to leave my spot, though. I told Captncrzy that I had to piss real bad. She saw that I had a bottle in my hand, so she suggested that I just pee in that. So that's exactly what I did. I had never peed in the middle of a crowd before. It was kind of liberating. I was afraid, though, that the bottle would get full before I was finished. If I had peed 3 seconds longer then it would've. I capped the bottle, put it on the ground, gave Captncrzy a nod of relief and gratitude for the idea, and I enjoyed the rest of the show.
if you were planning to torture someone, how would you go about doing it?
I'm gonna to pretend like you asked me this a couple of months ago. Before it became a reality.
This could be the answer to most sex questions you ask me, but I'm going to have to say 15 burn victims. White burn victims, at that. If they were black or Hispanic then they will have actually been improved by the burns and the dedication will have been lacking.
I'm glad I'm not with either serious girlfriend I've had. So they aren't up for consideration. There was a chick in high school who I had a crush on for about 3 years. Her name was (probably still is) Jessica. The thing is, I was kind of a pussy in high school when it came to talking to girls. She threw me all of the signs that she would at least let me lick her nipples, but I completely pussed out. She was one of the hottest girls in school and I had a window of opportunity that lasted about a week. She had perfectly tanned skin and such a sweet sweet ass. That smile still made my balls wet. If I knew then what I know now, which is how to pick up high school chicks, I would've done some fun things to her. I ran into her a couple of years ago. We had a lunch outing planned, but it never materialized. I started seeing someone after I ran into her. In retrospect, I probably should've gone to lunch with her.
I would be running away from the harsh realities of Hollywood and the pressures of being a celebrity and an icon. Of course, those realities and pressures would've manifested themselves into a 15-year old girl who swore to me she was 34. How was I supposed to know she wasn't legal and couldn't handle her blow? These are the things you don't think about when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
If you ever had a child (you acknowledged, as for all I know you're ducking Lil' Tommys left and right), what would be the first piece of advice you'd give them on the eve of their 16th birthday? If said child ever asked about your promiscuous/crime-riddled past, how much information would you share with them?
Also, what would you name the little beast? (Gimme names for both genders, unless they're the very same)