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Thread: Ask A Douchebag

  1. #121
    DJ SallyBear sbessiso's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Douchebag, Is it possible to find a decent paying job without having a college degree of some sort? If so, how??
    Quote Originally Posted by Wayne Coyne
    People treat Arcade Fire like they're the greatest thing ever and they get away with it.

  2. #122
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Of course, college is almost total horseshit. First, pick a career or general trade/field you think you might be good in. It would probably help if you had any skills. If you don't have any skills, pick a field or company you think you might be able to tolerate for a few years and look into what entry level jobs are available. You might want to try to pull off hopping in a low-level spot doing mindless crap--not terribly dissimilar to your current position--without bothering to lie about having a degree. Just have a plausible story prepared about how you went to some school for two years (basing that on you being twenty, if you weren't under 21 I'd just say fucking lie about it already) but then the economic collapse hit your family really hard and you just didn't feel it was appropriate to not be focusing on gainful employment.

    If that doesn't work after a couple attempts, consider shaving any silly hair you might have grown, or otherwise making an effort to look like a respectable person. If you still can't get even a shitty job, time to make up a resume full of lies. Claim to have worked for six months or so at one of the other jobs who interviewed you. Mail room. Feel free to try lying about your college even bigger, since you're already taking a chance.

    There are plenty of jobs you don't need a college degree for that pay better money than Starbucks, but you wouldn't like them. You wouldn't like them probably because they require either hard or otherwise taxing work. Waiting tables, for example. Gay bartender. Drug mule.

    If none of this works... diet?
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  3. #123
    old school Somewhat Damaged's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Can't really give you a definitive as to whether she actually had an extra sensory moment, but yes I do believe that there is some form of existence after death and to the best of my experience I have verified that they do maintain a connection to the living. The real question is can you think of anyone who might have a strong relation to you who would take the form of a young boy? Could be a stray, which happens but is vastly less relatable or confirmable.
    The only person in my family who's died and could potentially take the form of a young boy is an uncle of mine who died of AIDS back in 2001. He was the smartest person in the family (till I came around, ha) and had severe bouts of depression, so we had that in common. But it's not like we ever really talked all that much. *shrug*

    EDIT: Care to clarify the "verified" remark? Sounds intriguing.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    In his defense I do remember there being an upsurge of black coworker on white coworker exlaxings in LA after Rodney King.

  4. #124
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by apostle2 View Post
    maybe not the best thread to come to with legitimate issues...
    Uh, I don't know about that. Amazingly enough, his last few posts have been pretty legit and free of any face fucking. Let's see...
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  5. #125
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    With all due respect... Attn: Mr. Massengil,
    Due to the fact that I spent my summer unemployed and was forced to follow a tight budget, this message board became an important part of my daily routine as opposed to normal social activities and interaction with others. What began as company with my morning coffee, quickly turned into a somewhat compulsive/obssessive disorder. At times, I would find myself hours later, still wearing bedhead and not a damn thing done around the domicile! I had reached a point of remaining logged on so I could periodically get my "fix" in between chores, sleep, meals, etc... It had gotten so bad that even when the other posters ignored or insulted me, I continued coming back for more. For the past 5 months, it has been cheap, amusing, and educational entertainment.
    Quite recently it was brought to my attention that all good things must end and my work season begins in about 2 weeks...Quite frankly I've begun to also realize this message board can be compared to a drug addiction.
    I'm aware that you are a prominent member of the board and specialize in drug addictions, and I recall a recent hiatus you took with Anne Frank. I must tell you, I was impressed with your ability to blow everybody off so easily. (Not that I want to blow anybody, but...) Could you provide me with any helpful information and advice that would make my impending detox more managable? I've seriously considered having myself banned, or worse, my computer taken away until I get over the initial withdrawal symptoms.
    With as much respect that I can muster up, I thank you, Douchebag~ A Broken Message Board Addicted Doll
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  6. #126
    Member apostle2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Valid questions receive valid answers. See, this basic lack of judgment on your part is exactly why no one's asking you any questions. Nobody wants to ask an apostle--apostles are fucking assholes.
    Yeah, but see you ARE a douchebag in real life, I'm unfortunately NOT an apostle. If I started a thread called Ask an Apostle, I'd just be lying to myself. I could probably start up an Ask a Low Level Production Company Employee thread, but shit that would be lamer than Ask a Scientist, or salah's Ask a Gay thread (wait, has that not happened yet?)

  7. #127
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by sbessiso View Post
    Douchebag, Is it possible to find a decent paying job without having a college degree of some sort? If so, how??
    You could still get a decent job if you are really good with computers/IT stuff.
    Quote Originally Posted by concertgoer View Post
    You better stop because he can shut down this message board with one call.

  8. #128
    Coachella Junkie luckyface's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    What are your thoughts on this WWII poster?

    For your health

  9. #129
    Coachella Junkie greghead's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Interestingly, during WWI, more American soldiers were hospitalized for VD than for combat injuries. However, we must remember that some guys required treatment on two or three (at least) different occasions, which certainly skewes the data. But still . . .

    Moral the story? Fuck French whores and avoid getting your ass shot off
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
    Has Pitchfork revealed it's top 200 covers by Arcade Fire yet?

  10. #130
    old school
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    DBag, why does BDoll continue to post here? Everytime I check in on this board, it seems to be the same stuff. Her posting dumb shiat and nobody responding to it. Her addressing specific posts and no response from the specific poster. What do you think causes this?

    Also, more tunes?
    Lick an orange, it tastes like an orange. Lick a pineapple, it tastes like a pineapple. Go ahead, try it. Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries! We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams. Come along, come along.

  11. #131
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    randy,
    what the fuck is up with me being really itchy? I had my last 40mg oxy last night since i wont be doing anything for a while and i cant stop fucking itching. I look like a fucking crack head!
    help,
    Leo

  12. #132
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Take some Benadryl (if you don't mind getting drowsy).
    Quote Originally Posted by concertgoer View Post
    You better stop because he can shut down this message board with one call.

  13. #133
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    benadryl? Isnt that for allergies? Ill go to the store and buy some

  14. #134
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    It's for itches too. My husband uses it when his painkillers make him itch.
    Quote Originally Posted by concertgoer View Post
    You better stop because he can shut down this message board with one call.

  15. #135
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    ah cool thanks amy!

  16. #136
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by ShyGuy75 View Post
    DBag, why does BDoll continue to post here? Everytime I check in on this board, it seems to be the same stuff. Her posting dumb shiat and nobody responding to it. Her addressing specific posts and no response from the specific poster. What do you think causes this?

    Also, more tunes?
    You might as well ask, "Why does BDoll go on living?" The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

    Also, MORE TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES.

    Quote Originally Posted by leo01g View Post
    randy,
    what the fuck is up with me being really itchy? I had my last 40mg oxy last night since i wont be doing anything for a while and i cant stop fucking itching. I look like a fucking crack head!
    help,
    Leo
    Opiates make you itchy, dumbass. Why do you think junkie are always scratching and covered in scabs?
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  17. #137
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    You might as well ask, "Why does BDoll go on living?" The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

    Also, MORE TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES.



    Opiates make you itchy, dumbass. Why do you think junkie are always scratching and covered in scabs?
    Blowin' in the Wind?
    How many posts must a Douchebag put down, before he can act like a
    man?
    How many insults must I take from this clown, before he sees that I can?
    How many times must the cannonballs fly, before we both end up banned?
    The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind,
    The answer is blowing in the wind...
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  18. #138
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    You might as well ask, "Why does BDoll go on living?" The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

    Also, MORE TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES.



    Opiates make you itchy, dumbass. Why do you think junkie are always scratching and covered in scabs?
    i figured but this is the first time its happened to me

  19. #139
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Then stop fucking snorting them. I'm warning you, dude. It's a bad road to go down.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  20. #140
    Coachella Junkie greghead's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by leo01g View Post
    i figured but this is the first time its happened to me
    First time you got itchy? Really? How long have you been using opiates?

    Take Douche's advice, and quit blowing that shit.
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
    Has Pitchfork revealed it's top 200 covers by Arcade Fire yet?

  21. #141
    Coachella Junkie stinkbutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Douche are you going to be at Hard Haunted Mansion, if so you think I could get something from you?
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

  22. #142
    Coachella Junkie Mr. Dylanja's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Dear Douchebag, what the fuck is up with all this kumbaya board member of the weak bullshit? If I wanted to get blown by a bunch of internet dweebs I would've dressed up for comic con....

  23. #143
    old school allyjoy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Dylanja View Post
    If I wanted to get blown by a bunch of internet dweebs I would've dressed up for comic con....
    sig'd!
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    the only cocks I suck belong to black women.
    Quote Originally Posted by TommyboyUNM View Post
    We use the term "Off-roading" when we wanna go down on a guy with a freakish bush. "Randy, should I throw some Nair to my patch?" "Nah, brah, I wanna go off-roading"

  24. #144
    Member blakely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Dylanja View Post
    Dear Douchebag, what the fuck is up with all this kumbaya board member of the weak bullshit? If I wanted to get blown by a bunch of internet dweebs I would've dressed up for comic con....
    YES! Where is delta when you need him?!
    the lurker shows his member to the kids at the old school.

  25. #145
    Coachella Junkie MissingPerson's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Rocking back and forth making a low humming noise, I'd imagine. And telling inanimate objects about IraK.

    Also, Internet dweebs are like Fight Club and we run your money. Step off, yo'.

  26. #146
    Coachella Junkie Mr. Dylanja's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Being sigged almost feels as good as getting laid.

  27. #147
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    then your doing it wrong...
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  28. #148

    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    then your doing it wrong...
    *giggle*
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Say goodbye to that acid, Greg.

  29. #149
    old school allyjoy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    ^ditto
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    the only cocks I suck belong to black women.
    Quote Originally Posted by TommyboyUNM View Post
    We use the term "Off-roading" when we wanna go down on a guy with a freakish bush. "Randy, should I throw some Nair to my patch?" "Nah, brah, I wanna go off-roading"

  30. #150
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ask A Douchebag

    It was douchebag, but if you wanna call yourself an asshole - that's cool.

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