Roommate Stories

[guedita]

In this thread, feel free to discuss or share ridiculous, disgusting, irritating, absurd stories about your roommates/housemates--past or present. Were you ever a terrible roommate? Try not to just bitch about how awful they are--make it interesting.

I'll start. I once had a housemate who lived in the smallest room I've ever seen. It did not have a window. Everything she owned was PURPLE: bed sheets, comforter, posters, dishes, candles--her shampoo and conditioner were even in purple bottles. I never saw her do her laundry, and thus a bizarre stench of stank, purple, and riceroni (her meal of choice) was always seeping out from under her door. Long story short my roommate and I once got drunk, sneaked into her room, found her diary, and read it, wherein we discovered the reason she went down to San Diego on the weekends was to engage in group Master/Slave orgies.

We did not stay in touch.

[vinylmartyr]

hot

[Grant]

Wow, what the fuck

[OnlyNonStranger]

http://coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28072

[hawkingvsreeve]

Did she uh...say where...exactly in San Diego?

[chairmenmeow47]

dear diary,

never live with guedita.

sincerely,

--sex slave

[guedita]

http://coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28072

Ahh...I didn't search far back enough.

[juloxx]

I'll start. I once had a housemate who lived in the smallest room I've ever seen. It did not have a window. Everything she owned was PURPLE: bed sheets, comforter, posters, dishes, candles--her shampoo and conditioner were even in purple bottles. I never saw her do her laundry, and thus a bizarre stench of stank, purple, and riceroni (her meal of choice) was always seeping out from under her door. Long story short my roommate and I once got drunk, sneaked into her room, found her diary, and read it, wherein we discovered the reason she went down to San Diego on the weekends was to engage in group Master/Slave orgies.

We did not stay in touch.

Was your housemate Lil Wayne?

[OnlyNonStranger]

I wasn't trying to start shit I just wanted you to see my own stories since I'm too lazy to rewrite them right now.

[TallGuyCM]

How about we just turn this into the guedita tells us more stories like that thread.

[guedita]

dear diary,

never live with guedita.

sincerely,

--sex slave

For the record, my roommate was more gung-ho about the breaking and entering than I was--but that's only because I was convinced we were going to find a dead cat carcass dyed purple.

[marooko]

In this thread, feel free to discuss or share ridiculous, disgusting, irritating, absurd stories about your roommates/housemates--past or present. Were you ever a terrible roommate? Try not to just bitch about how awful they are--make it interesting.

I'll start. I once had a housemate who lived in the smallest room I've ever seen. It did not have a window. Everything she owned was PURPLE: bed sheets, comforter, posters, dishes, candles--her shampoo and conditioner were even in purple bottles. I never saw her do her laundry, and thus a bizarre stench of stank, purple, and riceroni (her meal of choice) was always seeping out from under her door. Long story short my roommate and I once got drunk, sneaked into her room, found her diary, and read it, wherein we discovered the reason she went down to San Diego on the weekends was to engage in group Master/Slave orgies.

We did not stay in touch.

And we're supposed to follow this?

I only ever had one of what I would consider a roommate. The other two people were family.

The roommate stole a check from me one time. It took me a week to confront him about it. Any sooner than that and I would my fists would have confronted him.

On a more fun note: He used to say things about me jerking off. Well, masturbating he would say. That would have been fine if I was, what the fuck do I care. I fucking rub one out, so what?! Anyway, he would say it sometimes when he would come in with friends. "Quick change the channel", or, "Pull your pants up", "Quit jerking off" etc. So he comes in one day with a couple friends, talking the same shit. I wasn't in the mood that day. So I proceeded to ask him why he thought of me so much with my dick in my hand. And while he was a really good friend and I appreciated his coming on to me, I just wasn't interested. I'm not gay, or curious. I drug it out for about 5 minutes. He was not pleased. Totally embarrassed, his friends were laughing and he never said anything remotely close to it again.

I got mad stories about this dude. I can't believe I let him live with me for so long.

[Mr. Dylanja]

I wonder if Prince was her master...

[bmack86]

Last year I lived with a guy who was a total idiot. He drank a ton, even by my standards, and had problems with bladder control when he drank. He used to pee his bed and then decide not to clean the sheets, so he'd just sleep on the floor.

Anyway, one night I had a friend visiting from Davis. We were hanging out with aforementioned roommate, and then when he started getting really drunk and talking about 9/11 conspiracies (his favorite drunken topic) we decided to go to bed. 7 hours later, I woke up and went out to the living room to print out the tickets to the basketball game we were going to that day. My desk was soaked, and my computer would not turn on. Roommate was passed out on the ground next to the computer, his pants soaked and an empty beer in his hand. I woke him up and said, "Allen, what the fuck? Did you pee in my computer? It won't turn on!" His response? "I dunno B. Doesn't sound like me. You probably did it." I've never been so close to killing someone.

When he sobered up he eventually owned up to it, and he paid to get me a new power supply, which was the only thing that was fried. He also cost us $1500 in damages to the apartment.

[marooko]

My lady said..."I wonder if everything being purple was an order."

So, do you know if she was a slave or a master?

[vinylmartyr]

I had a roommate like that. All ways pissed himself.

[juloxx]

Last year I lived with a guy who was a total idiot. He drank a ton, even by my standards, and had problems with bladder control when he drank. He used to pee his bed and then decide not to clean the sheets, so he'd just sleep on the floor.

Anyway, one night I had a friend visiting from Davis. We were hanging out with aforementioned roommate, and then when he started getting really drunk and talking about 9/11 conspiracies (his favorite drunken topic) we decided to go to bed. 7 hours later, I woke up and went out to the living room to print out the tickets to the basketball game we were going to that day. My desk was soaked, and my computer would not turn on. Roommate was passed out on the ground next to the computer, his pants soaked and an empty beer in his hand. I woke him up and said, "Allen, what the fuck? Did you pee in my computer? It won't turn on!" His response? "I dunno B. Doesn't sound like me. You probably did it." I've never been so close to killing someone.

When he sobered up he eventually owned up to it, and he paid to get me a new power supply, which was the only thing that was fried. He also cost us $1500 in damages to the apartment.

You promised you wouldnt tell anyone!

[Grant]

lollll

[chairmenmeow47]

http://www.coachella.com/forum/showt...light=roommate

and i haven't lived with anyone horrible. i have shared a 1 bedroom apartment with a friend who had an african drum, recorder and accordion.

i've also had someone break into another apartment i shared with a friend (came home to an open door) & then send us a very angry e-mail about the contents of our apartment and what horrible people we were.

kellogg pop <kelllloggspops@yahoo.com> wrote:

Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2003 21:39:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: kellogg pop
Subject: rather prissy, dont ya think so
To:

insight -

ivy is your best friend, i believe, and you girls are irritating . i cant understand the whole prissy act youg uys put on. i was in your bathroom and you both have those fuckin venis razors and that venis shaving cream and dove soap and 20 dollars shampoo and lip gloss and scruncheys and that bath and body wks shit and pink brushes and oh god it never fuckin ends
and you work at victorias secret, holy christ. and i KNOW youboth must wear that victorias secret everything and probly always smell good and have soft skin
and your crazy bed is all puffy and soft
and i bet you 2 must have some thin going on 2 hot girls live together and are bisexuals and don't do stuff, no way
and t is annoying that so many people have hardons for both of you and you talk shit about all of them and its just not right
maybe you can inform me in your little journal that is pink why you girls are this way because you annoy alot of peopel.
fuck you.

[marooko]

You and your roommate sound hot. pics please.

[guedita]

My lady said..."I wonder if everything being purple was an order."

So, do you know if she was a slave or a master?

The purple was all her--a life time lover of purple. She was a slave, though.

I had a roommate like that. All ways pissed himself.

A boy in my college dorm-house had a recurring problem of drunkenly shitting and pissing into the washer/dryer, so our house "privileges" of laundry were revoked...until he dropped out.

[guedita]

http://www.coachella.com/forum/showt...light=roommate

and i haven't lived with anyone horrible. i have shared a 1 bedroom apartment with a friend who had an african drum, recorder and accordion.

i've also had someone break into another apartment i shared with a friend (came home to an open door) & then send us a very angry e-mail about the contents of our apartment and what horrible people we were.

wait, did they steal stuff? or just break in to condemn your choice of razor?

[chairmenmeow47]

Roommate was passed out on the ground next to the computer, his pants soaked and an empty beer in his hand. I woke him up and said, "Allen, what the fuck? Did you pee in my computer? It won't turn on!" His response? "I dunno B. Doesn't sound like me. You probably did it."

davis had conviction in that moment though.

[chairmenmeow47]

wait, did they steal stuff? or just break in to condemn your choice of razor?

i really have no idea. all i am aware of is breaking in to condemn. more importantly that's what i choose to be aware of!

[PotVsKtl]

I had a roommate like that. All ways pissed himself.

How many ways are there to piss yourself? I count 2.

[Monklish]

How many ways are there to piss yourself? I count 2.

Please itemize them.

[PotVsKtl]

1. Conscious
2. Unconscious

[caco0283]

Ah man I used to have the best roommate stories on the board....too lazy to find them. One story I do remember is my old roommate was/is all crazy for Jesus....sings for the church...used to hold prayer meetings at our house. I would come home and people would be singing for Christ and the holy spirit would be all up in my living room while me and my gf are making sexy time in my room. Anyways so i have this Jesus loving roommate....one day I come home drunk as hell and Eurotrip dvd menu is playing over and over....I look over at my roommate who is passed out on the couch boxers to his ankles holding his junk. Yeah I'm sure Jesus was proud of him at that moment.

[kitt kat]

My roommate is a fucking psychotic bitch.

She's a lazy, stuck up pig. She's so lazy and spoiled, instead of her parents telling her to do her dishes and pick up after herself (this is after I emailed her asking to please clean a month's worth of dishes, fermented milk included, out of the sink), they now pay for a maid that comes weekly to do her dishes and her LAUNDRY. Being busy isn't an excuse; she never comes to class or does her work.

She's a fucking thief and copycat; last year, she stole clothing from my other roommate and I and when we confronted her about it when we saw her wearing said objects --- we could tell mainly because: 1. they were ours. 2. she's fat and the clothes were WAY too small for her --- she would just storm out of the apartment and slam the door. She used to insult my music taste (when I met her, she liked Sufjan and Elliot Smith) and told me film > music and blogs were "Stupid" and "useless" when I started one...then she's blasting Animal Collective (post MPP, of course) and says Kim Gorodn is her idol (UM WTF?), starting a blog of her own...OH YEAH, AND TRYING TO WRITE ABOUT MUSIC. (She wrote exclusively about "pretentious" films since high school.)

She thinks MY cat is hers. I bought the cat. The cat has my NUMBER on her tags. I take and pay for the cat's vet visits. I buy the food. I clean the little box. Her rational? "She likes me more than you." YEAH, OK.

She brings weird guys over and makes them use MY BATHROOM. (SHE HAS HER OWN.) I asked her that, if she's comfortable enough to bring guys to the house, she should be OK with them using her private bathroom. The next day, my toilet was clogged with giant turds. (I hadn't been home; I was at my boyfriend's.) My mom called her mom...and her mom thought it was 100% OK and that "She [I] shouldn't have complained in the first place" and "she [I] had it coming for not letting ****'s friends use the bathroom."

She never pays bills on time and blames me for not having enough money to pay them myself. (Like I'm walking around with money to pay a $350 power/water bill in full all the time.) Her excuse is that she's "too busy" to write me a check. ALWAYS. IT TAKES TWO SECONDS.

She sets her alarm for insane times like 4am or 5am (keep in mind, she doesn't have an early job --- she has NO job, mommy and daddy bankroll her --- or any early classes) and then LETS IT KEEP RINGING --- sometimes up to an hour or more --- without getting up to turn it off. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go slam her door shut and wear earplugs at night to try and block it out. She also stays up until 3am every night in the living room on her computer (she has her own room with a desk) and blasts music and has all the lights on when I try to sleep. I am quiet in the morning when she's sleeping in and missing class, but when I have class early the next morning, it's totally cool for her to be loud. (sarcasm.)

We used to be really close friends, but one day, she woke up and unfriended me on Facebook and told me she hated me. I still have no idea why. I stayed her friend and lost a LOT of other friends by sticking up for her the past 4 years --- she is rude and obstinate and very unlikeable. I feel stupid for trying to look past that for so long. I'm just too nice, I guess. She can't take criticism, can't work in groups...and thus, made herself not well respected in our program.

She doesn't turn in work in class, citing she is "too different" to work on deadlines. She'll never get a job because she can't take direction and she'll fight you on EVERYTHING.

For reference: this is the bitch who wrote the "Coachella is lame and should be like Woodstock because it's too corporate" article we all LOLd and firebombed last year.

[Hannahrain]

My mom called her mom

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