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Thread: Happy Father's Day

  1. #1
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Happy Father's Day

    ...boys.

    I got my dad a metal Guiness bucket and filled it with stuff my mom won't buy at the store because she doesn't like it: different kinds of weird beer, sardines, hot sauce, olives, peanuts, and pistachios. Then I wrapped the bucket in cellophane and taped it up with duct tape.
    Last edited by captncrzy; 06-15-2008 at 09:55 AM.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  2. #2
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    haha, jinx. beat me by a couple minutes...

  3. #3
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    you owe me a coke
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  4. #4
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Wow, nobody wanted to recognize the proud papas?

    This is what we did for Dad's Day. We washed the car while dad was on his mountain bike. Then we went to the pool and had a bbq with grandpa. It was a beautiful day.








    How did you all show love for the dads in your world?
    Last edited by algunz; 06-16-2008 at 09:04 PM.

  5. #5
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Gunz, you look terribly young to have a child. I mean that in a good way, your skin looks perfect.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  6. #6
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Did you at least blow him, for fuck's sake?
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  7. #7
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Did you at least blow him, for fuck's sake?
    haha gross!!!

  8. #8
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    What? It's her husband. Just because her husband is also her father is no reason to judge.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  9. #9
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    hahaha. Dude thats just weird. Kinda like me thinking my mom has never given my dad a bj. I will always believe that my mom has never given him one. ALWAYS DAMN IT!!!

  10. #10
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    I don't know if she ever gave your dad one, but I can say with authority that she sucks a mean cock.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  11. #11
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    haha my mom is still a VIRGIN

  12. #12
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Not anally.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  13. #13
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Ass sex hurts too much if you're a dirty uncircumcised mexican

  14. #14
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Which is why she lets clean, cut white boys like me wheelbarrow her ass.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  15. #15
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    I almost made a post yesterday asking for advice on the subject of Father's Day. What do you do or say, or give to someone who spawned you, then didn't acknowledge or speak to you during 25 of the most crucial years in your upbringing? When I probably needed him the most, he turned his back. When I sent him cards, they sat unopened. Afew months ago he sent me a birthday card that blew me away, yet this Father's Day I couldn't bring myself to call him. I did make him a card though. He's likes hunting, so I drew a bighorn sheep on the front where it said, "To the leader of the Herd..." On the inside I drew a little black sheep that said, "Happy Father's Day from..." I hope he checked the mail today so he knows I atleast thought of him.
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  16. #16
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    wheelbarrow her ass? oh shit thats hilarious. What's that move look like?

  17. #17
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by BROKENDOLL View Post
    I almost made a post yesterday asking for advice on the subject of Father's Day. What do you do or say, or give to someone who spawned you, then didn't acknowledge or speak to you during 25 of the most crucial years in your upbringing? When I probably needed him the most, he turned his back. When I sent him cards, they sat unopened. Afew months ago he sent me a birthday card that blew me away, yet this Father's Day I couldn't bring myself to call him. I did make him a card though. He's likes hunting, so I drew a bighorn sheep on the front where it said, "To the leader of the Herd..." On the inside I drew a little black sheep that said, "Happy Father's Day from..." I hope he checked the mail today so he knows I atleast thought of him.
    ah how cute!!!
    (laughing histericALLY)

  18. #18
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by leo01g View Post
    wheelbarrow her ass? oh shit thats hilarious. What's that move look like?
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  19. #19
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by leo01g View Post
    ah how cute!!!
    (laughing histericALLY)
    Hopefully he sees the humor in it as well...
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  20. #20
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    thats a pretty hard move unless you have a hard bullet

  21. #21
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by BROKENDOLL View Post
    Hopefully he sees the humor in it as well...
    Im joking Brokendoll
    Its just that i wouldnt post stuff like that

  22. #22
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    What? It's her husband. Just because her husband is also her father is no reason to judge.
    Oh shit she was talking about her husband

  23. #23
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by leo01g View Post
    Im joking Brokendoll
    Its just that i wouldnt post stuff like that
    Why? Like I haven't already been judged for shit that wasn't true? Helloooo!
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  24. #24
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    So you do know your dad?

  25. #25
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by WastedTime View Post
    I hate this thread, for reason you may or may not be aware of.
    Dad?
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  26. #26
    Coachella Junkie woogie846's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Me and my dad watched the NBA Finals for Father's Day.

  27. #27
    old school leo01g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by WastedTime View Post
    Give me 20 minutes after I rail so alprozam and lorazepam, I stopped drinking(long story) so its the closest I've got.

    Oh and on a side note, I got those xanax randy, well by the time they get to you I will only have the 1 mg's blues but good enough, or you could have some of my 2 mg ativans.... just pm/email.
    cool but i was talking to BD since she bitched about hers

  28. #28
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Did you at least blow him, for fuck's sake?
    Yes, I just finished. It's been a long couple of days.

  29. #29
    old school Stefinitely Maybe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    My father was somewhat renowned in our little part of the world for the newspaper ads he ran for his law practice. If you've ever taken a good look at what lawyers' ads usually consist of, you'd understand his frustrations with the standard. Every one has a headshot of the man in question trying to look serious and responsible, and features phrases like "NO FEE WITHOUT RECOVERY" and "FREE CONSULTATION." None of them really give you any idea of what kind of man you're going to be dealing with, no distinctive qualities, aside from the picture, of course. Dad decided he would go a different route. He ran print ads, no picture whatsoever, starting small with only a few short paragraphs, and progressively turning into rather long stories, all of which were cleverly amusing, and all of which related some funny anecdote he had to the general populace's occasional need for certain qualities in their legal representatives, which, of course, he possessed in spades.

    The last thing he ever put into the paper though was not an ad - it was a completely un-business related short story about his own father. It is, in my opinion, quite beautiful. I hope you'll all enjoy it, but particularly I'd imagine those of you whose Pops are no longer around will appreciate it:

    My Old Man

    My old man was a flawed and difficult person. When I was a kid I was constantly angry with him, even to the point of wishing that something would happen to prevent his coming home at night.

    I awoke one day when I was 20 to find that the fury I had felt toward him most of my life had simply vanished, without, so far as I could tell, any real change having occurred in him. I worked on a dredge with him that summer, and we had fun together. That pleasant time was followed, for me, by military service, college, marriage, law school, and then a sojourn in California; but I continued to see him at intervals, and our relationship was a source of pleasure to me even though I did not understand what had transformed it.

    He died without warning on October 3, 1975, when I was 32. The pain of his unannounced evaporation from my world eventually eased, but from time to time I continued to puzzle over the fact that my feelings about him had changed so dramatically a dozen years earlier: why?

    The answer was revealed to me a decade after his death. I had wakened in the middle of the night and had tuned in a television documentary about a group of tribespeople in some ancient outback desert. The focus of the piece was upon a tribal elder who had enlisted his entire village—literally every man, woman, and child—to help him move a great boulder some two miles to the resting place of his long-dead father, there to serve as a monument to him. This vast undertaking, accomplished by brute force and the use of tree trunks as makeshift rollers, had consumed an entire week, and during that time the elder had provided daily food, drink, and entertainment for the villagers — at a cost, it was explained, of every last thing he possessed.

    These primitive people spoke a language comprised of clicks and twitters. Through an interpreter, the documentary maker suggested to the elder that he must have had an exceptionally close and loving relationship with his father, to have expended at one stroke his entire life's wealth in order to create this memorial to him.

    "Not really," came the clicked and twittered response. "My father was a pig-headed bully, and we never got along at all."

    Why then, asked the filmmaker, had the elder made such a huge sacrifice in tribute to a man he did not care for? The ageing son smiled a toothless smile and answered unhesitatingly: "My father gave me my hands and feet."

    There it was. With a little help from my mother (still going strong today at 86, bless her soul) my old man had given me my hands and feet. He had given me more than that, in fact: had given me life, to be sure, but had also fed me, sheltered me, clothed me, protected me, and, yes, loved me. While I had prayed for his destruction he had given me Christmases, whether he could afford them or not. What had happened to me when I was 20, without my really being conscious of it, was that all of this had suddenly registered on my developing post-adolescent mind, and I had become... grateful.

    He could, I suppose, have been a better father, but he was good enough. His name was William H. Mills. He has been gone for 25 years, and I miss him.
    "The first time I heard the new single off the Bravery album, I actually cried, and I do not even remember the name of that damn song. It reminded me of this girl I am in love with." - kroqken

  30. #30
    old school Stefinitely Maybe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Happy Father's Day

    There's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes
    I threw them to sea but a gust blew them backwards
    And the sting in my eyes
    That you then inflicted
    Was par for the course just as when you were living.

    It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father
    But a donor of seeds to a poor single mother
    That would raise us alone, we never saw the money
    That went down your throat, through the hole in your belly.

    Thirteen years old in the suburbs of denver
    Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner
    At the catholic church the servers wore crosses
    To shield from the sufferance plauging the others.

    Styrofoam plates, cafateria tables
    Charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
    And i'm thinking of you. I do every year
    When we count all our blessings
    And wonder what we're doing here.

    You're a disgrace to the concept of family
    The priest won't divulge that fact in his homily
    And i'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet,
    You can deck out a lie in a suit but i won't buy it.

    I won't join in the procession that's speaking their peace
    Using five dollar words while praising his integrity
    And just cause he's gone it doesn't change the fact
    He was a bastard in life thus a bastard in death.
    "The first time I heard the new single off the Bravery album, I actually cried, and I do not even remember the name of that damn song. It reminded me of this girl I am in love with." - kroqken

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