Return of the Ultimate Animal Rivalry

[mob roulette]

i'm seriously offended, nothingman. on behalf of gorillas everywhere, i'd like to say that's not right. serena williams is not a gorilla.

seriously though, not funny. when the LA riots were going on, i had this roommate who told a whole roomful of people that it looked like a bunch of monkeys throwing s hit around. it was in REALLY poor taste.

so we stabbed him.

but seriously though, not funny. don't do it again.

[nothingman00]

Dude, I wasn't playing a race card...

I think Kelly Rippa looks like an alien. I think Sam Cassell looks like an alien. I think Simon Cowell looks like a gorilla. I think Serena Williams looks like a gorilla.

[atom heart]

teeth claws vs teeth nails, somehow we've been over this one too many times. What about stamina? Gorillas eat mostly tough, fibrous leaves, twigs, and shoots. It takes a lot of energy to digest for not much energy output (hence the poo-noshing). Grizzly bears have the advantage of protein and also high energy foods such as berries and honey.

Are gorillas agile enough to avoid one swipe from a grizzly bear? If it is a neutral area than the gorilla has no trees to gain a height advantage on a grizzly to get a clean shot at the neck. Bulls are pretty stupid and would charge directly, and although gorillas are much more intelligent, I think a gorilla would be smart enough to stay out of this one.

[psychic friend]

then there would be no fight, bear wins. and if the gorilla does fight, bear wins. BEARS > gorillas

[thefunkylama]

Er... actually, I'm not being particularly touchy over it. But someone else might feel different. So... that's why I said that. I wouldn't actually attack a team mate. Let's keep it together, Bears.

GO GRIZZ!

[Good Days Last]

I'd say Gorillas. They some smart mofugahs.

[CuervoPH]

Let's keep it together, Bears.

Et tu, Alma? That hurts...it really does...but the gorilla team is here for you when you're ready. We can eat pie on a nice bearskin rug.

[bartelby]

If this were exit poll data, I would say "Youblownowitz, you're calling the race on behalf of the GOP, and we have yet to reach the West Coast".

Good work Mr. fruckus...The snide, uneducated and animal-kingdom-ignorant Bear lobby on this thread needs some good Gorilla-style ass whoopin...

Gorillas are intelligent, powerful creatures...Bears are such sucky-wimpy-wimps that they have to sleep half the year away just to survive. PA-THE-TIC

[psychic friend]

those who look at actual facts will pick grizzly, those who live in fantasy will pick gorillas.

[mob roulette]

I was in the bear camp for the longest, but one must always consider not only the natural grace and speed of the silverback but also it's innate intelligence. i'd bet the first thing the gorilla would try to do is jump on the bear's back to bring it down. all he would have to do is try and keep away from the bear somewhat until it wears itself out. then once the teeth are in the neck, there's NO way the grizzly is prying him off. NO way.

[jackstraw94086]

Gorillas are intelligent, powerful creatures...Bears are such sucky-wimpy-wimps that they have to sleep half the year away just to survive. PA-THE-TIC

I love how these yokels keep quoting the gorilla's intelligence, as if it's going craft some weaponry or plan and execute text book military tactics. It's a frickin animal which beats its fists when in a rage. It doesn't know Tae Kwan Do, Capoeira, or the Vulcan neck pinch. It hasn't read Sun Tzu's The Art of War. It hasn't studied Col. Chamberlain's maneuvers in the defense of Little Round Top at the Battle of Gettysburg. When it is interupted from its daily routine of eating, sleeping, shitting, and fucking it will just try to pound you.

on the subject of hibernation as evidence of the bear's fortitude. um.... k. Let's see if we can figure out why bears would hibernate and gorillas would not.... hmmmm.... could it be that mountain gorillas live on the frickin equator? There's no such thing as winter. Stick a gorilla in the Canadian wild in February. See how he fares.

[mob roulette]

I love how these yokels keep quoting the gorilla's intelligence, as if it's going craft some weaponry or plan and execute text book military tactics. It's a frickin animal which beats its fists when in a rage.

That's exactly right. Smart AND ferocious, meaning that it won't give in, no matter how great a right hook that bear has initially. the gorilla's just not going to back down from a fight like this, it's just not in his nature. you ever see the remake of king kong? where kong takes down not one, not two, but THREE dinosaurs? i know it's just a movie, but it's the same exact principle. and then he breaks the jaw of the last one, snapping its head in TWO, mind you, smashing its nasal cavities directly into its brain. such would be the fate of grizzlies everywhere should they wish to tango, i feel.

[psychic friend]

no matter how great a right hook that bear has initially. the gorilla's just not going to back down from a fight like this

of course not, cuz after one blow from a grizzly the gorilla would be dead. that little tiny ape would be dead.

[nahuatldream]

da bears!

[nothingman00]

One Grizzly against 2 silverback gorillas would be more of a fair fight.

[jackstraw94086]

you ever see the remake of king kong? where kong takes down not one, not two, but THREE dinosaurs? i know it's just a movie, but it's the same exact principle.

you're making my head hurt.

You know what else I've seen in movies? talking fish, warp speed spacecraft, a luck dragon, four Michael Keatons, oompaloompas, proton packs, a thin drew barrymore, a golden snitch, and a hooker with three tits.

Don't mean dick.

Stop with the king kong, people.

Grizzlies don't need movie tricks.

[Boourns]

[JelloPuddingChat]

Why would Teddy Ruxpin make bears look bad? Ruxpin rules.

[Boourns]

His cuddly nature makes him the only bear with a chance of getting close enough to a gorilla to kill it, but he can't since he has no teeth or claws, so oh well for him.

[amdux]

America was wrong in their version of Godzilla vs. king kong, and if you believe a shit-eating gorilla has a chance against a killing machine covered in fur that can kill a 4,000 pound beast with a slap in the face, well, then you're wrong too

[tessalasset]

dude teddy ruxpin scared me as a kid.

and it's awesome to see who actually voted for whom. we have such a strong bear alliance it's not even funny. it renews my faith in this board.

[bmack86]

the bear shall win the day

[bartelby]

on the subject of hibernation as evidence of the bear's fortitude. um.... k. Let's see if we can figure out why bears would hibernate and gorillas would not.... hmmmm.... could it be that mountain gorillas live on the frickin equator? There's no such thing as winter. Stick a gorilla in the Canadian wild in February. See how he fares.

The Gorilla would do fine in the Canadian tundra (from which I hail). Give him two days and he'd be in his own igloo keeping the cold away with some freshly acquired Bear pelts.

[schoolofruckus]

Grizzlies don't need movie tricks.

They sure could use some. The only cinematic evidence of grizzly violence is "Grizzly Man", and if anything, that's a shot in your collective kneecaps. I mean, what kind of supposed world-beating killer beast lets a retard and his girlfriend spend 14 summers in their midst AND let him talk shit to them (he does this often to some of the supposedly "mean" bears in the pack) before finally taking him out? I wager none of you big, burly, bearded BEAR people would sit there and take 14 years of abuse, now would you?

I know I've already brought this point up before, but hell, if Dani can say the exact same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until I want to blow my own head off without bringing even a shred of new insight to the discussion, then I guess I can repeat myself once in a while.

[amdux]

did you not see the video of the tourists walking around in the gorilla's living room?

[Yablonowitz]

They sure could use some. The only cinematic evidence of grizzly violence is "Grizzly Man", and if anything, that's a shot in your collective kneecaps. I mean, what kind of supposed world-beating killer beast lets a retard and his girlfriend spend 14 summers in their midst AND let him talk shit to them (he does this often to some of the supposedly "mean" bears in the pack) before finally taking him out? I wager none of you big, burly, bearded BEAR people would sit there and take 14 years of abuse, now would you?

I didn't see "Grizzly Man," I'll admit. But tell me, Gabe, did he ever get this close to a grizzly? Let alone three grizzlies? Do you think the grizzly would have let him put his arm around him and pat him on the head? I'm pretty sure there are several different wildlife biologists who have spent time with gorillas...have any of them been killed savagely by one?

[bartelby]

Duh people - Gorillas and humans share DNA. We don't always agree but there's definitely a mutual respect.

We're natural allies against the world-wide scourge of bears.

[Alchemy]

They sell products to gain the power of the Gorilla, because everybody knows it is the most powerful thing in the universe. Nobody wants Grizzly Bear power.

[RandyinPhila]

[QUOTE=Alchemy;31231Nobody wants Grizzly Bear power.[/QUOTE]

Everybody wants Grizzly Bear power, but modern science has yet to be able to put all of it in a bottle for human consumption, Gorilla power is weak and full of fillers...

[amdux]

FDA Bans Grizzly Bear Supplement Due to Fatal Effect on Less Powerful Species

Associated Press
Friday, April 15, 2005; Page E05

SALT LAKE CITY, April 14 -- The FDA today placed a ban on supplements containing Grizzly Bear strength, after test subjects spontaneously combusted due to the overwhelming power they ingested. Scientists familiar with the research, speaking on condition of anonymity, suggested those looking for a weaker and less impressive alternative seek out gorilla strength, in that their wussy bodies are more capable of handling the "power" contained in such supplements.