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Thread: The saga of bloodninja

  1. #1
    old school
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    Default The saga of bloodninja

    I dont think this has ever been posted

    Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
    Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
    Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
    Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
    Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
    Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
    Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
    Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
    Sarah19fca: you like that?
    Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
    Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
    Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
    Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
    Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
    Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
    Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
    Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
    Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
    Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
    Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
    Sarah19fca: /ignore
    Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
    Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

    ---------------

    Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
    DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
    DirtyKate: Who are you?
    Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
    Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
    DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
    Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
    DirtyKate: Haha! OK
    DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
    Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
    DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
    Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
    DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
    DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
    Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
    **pause**
    DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
    Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
    Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
    **pause**
    DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
    Bloodninja: How did you know?
    Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
    Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
    DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
    Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
    DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
    Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
    DirtyKate: What the fuck?
    DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t
    DirtyKate: F**k

    ------------------

    Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
    MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
    Bloodninja: What like gardening an s**t?
    MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
    Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
    Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
    (pause)
    MommyMelissa: is that it?
    Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
    Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
    MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
    (pause)
    Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
    Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
    MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
    Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
    Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
    MommyMelissa: ...
    Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
    MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
    Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B**ch.
    MommyMelissa: whatever.

    -------

    Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
    BritneySpears14: Aight.
    Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
    BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.
    Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
    Bloodninja: Me too baby.
    BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
    Bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
    BritneySpears14: Hey...
    Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
    BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
    Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
    BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
    Bloodninja: Don't f**k with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
    Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
    BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
    Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
    Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
    Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
    Bloodninja: Baby?

    ----------------

    Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
    j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
    Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
    j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
    j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
    Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
    j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
    j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
    Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
    j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
    Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f**king charge your ass.
    j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
    Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
    Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
    j_gurli13: thats it.
    Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
    Bloodninja: F**k am I hard now.

    -------------

    BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
    eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
    BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
    eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
    BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
    BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
    eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears14: What the f**k, I told you not to message me again.
    eminemBNJA: Oh s**t
    BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f((k up.
    eminemBNJA: Oh s((t
    eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

    ------------

    sweet17: Hi
    Bloodninja: hello
    Bloodninja: who is this?
    sweet17: just a someone?
    Bloodninja: A someone I know?
    sweet17: nope
    Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
    sweet17: well sorrrrrry
    sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
    Bloodninja: why?
    sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
    Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
    sweet17: yes?
    Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
    sweet17: paranoid?
    Bloodninja: yes
    sweet17: of what?
    sweet17: me?
    Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
    sweet17: LOL
    Bloodninja: Don't f**king laugh at me!
    Bloodninja: This s**t is serious!
    sweet17: What are you hiding from?
    Bloodninja: The cops.
    sweet17: gimme a f**king break
    Bloodninja: I'm serious.
    sweet17: I don't get it
    Bloodninja: The cops are after me.
    sweet17: For what?
    Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
    sweet17: For???
    Bloodninja: It's kind of embarrasing.
    Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
    Bloodninja: Hello?
    sweet17: You are f**king sick.
    Bloodninja: Send me your picture.
    sweet17: why?
    Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
    sweet17: One of what?
    Bloodninja: The cops.
    sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
    Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
    sweet17: hold on
    Bloodninja: Hurry up.
    Bloodninja: Are you there?
    Bloodninja: F**k you, cop!
    sweet17: Hey sorry
    sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
    Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
    Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
    Bloodninja: Weren't you!?
    sweet17: thats not it
    Bloodninja: Then what?
    sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
    Bloodninja: Most cops aren't
    sweet17: IM NOT A F**KING COP YOU A**HOLE!
    Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
    sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
    Bloodninja: Just send it through here.
    sweet17: alright *PIC*
    sweet17: Did you get it?
    Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
    sweet17: That was me back in may
    sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
    Bloodninja: I hope so
    sweet17: what?!?
    sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
    Bloodninja: Did it?
    sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
    Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
    sweet17: yes
    Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
    sweet17: kks
    Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
    sweet17: this isn't you.
    Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
    sweet17: You don't look like that.
    Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
    sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
    Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
    Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
    sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
    Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
    Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
    sweet17: Go f**k yourself
    Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
    Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
    sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
    sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
    sweet17: you hurt me.
    Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
    sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
    Bloodninja: Why would I do that?
    sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
    Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
    sweet17: F((K YOU!!!
    Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
    sweet17: You're a F**KING A**HOLE!
    sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
    sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
    Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
    sweet17: No you aren't
    Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
    Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
    sweet17: I'm done with you
    Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
    sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
    Bloodninja: Wait a sec
    Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
    Bloodninja: Wanna start over?
    sweet17: No
    Bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
    sweet17: You'll what?
    Bloodninja: You heard me.
    Bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
    sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
    Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
    sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
    Bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
    Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
    sweet17: Like what?
    Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
    sweet17: I don't know
    Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
    sweet17: I'm afraid to
    Bloodninja: Why?
    sweet17: cause
    Bloodninja: cause why?
    sweet17: well lets see
    sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
    sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
    Bloodninja: Nope
    sweet17: well its strange to me
    Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
    sweet17: I didn't say that
    Bloodninja: So is that a yes?
    sweet17: I guess so.
    Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
    Bloodninja: Are you willing?
    sweet17: What do you need me to do?
    Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
    sweet17: ???
    Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
    Bloodninja: ok?
    Bloodninja: Hello?
    sweet17: You can't be serious
    Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
    Bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
    sweet17: this is retarded
    Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
    sweet17: Yes I want it.
    Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
    sweet17: sure
    Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
    Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
    Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
    Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
    Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth c**t.
    sweet17: mmmm yeah
    Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
    sweet17: Har
    Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
    Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
    sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
    Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
    Bloodninja: I softly suck on your cl*t bringing it in and out of my mouth.
    Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
    Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
    sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
    Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
    Bloodninja: going limp
    sweet17: HARRRRRRR
    Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
    Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
    Bloodninja: going limp
    sweet17: this is stupid
    Bloodninja: ...still limp
    Bloodninja: Do it!
    sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
    Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your a**hole.
    Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
    Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
    sweet17: WTF?!?!?
    Bloodninja: They stink really bad.
    sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
    Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
    Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
    Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
    sweet17: YOURE A F**KING PYSCHO!!
    Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
    Bloodninja: And turn you into a f**king candy apple...
    Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
    sweet17: F**K YOU A**HOLE!!
    Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
    Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
    Bloodninja: ...going limp again.
    Bloodninja: Hello?
    Bloodninja: Say it!
    Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

    __________


    Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
    Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
    Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
    Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
    Wellhung: OK
    Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
    Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
    Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
    Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
    Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
    Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
    Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
    Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
    Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
    Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
    Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
    Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
    Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
    Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
    Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
    Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
    Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
    Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
    Sweetheart: What?
    Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
    Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
    Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
    Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
    Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
    Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
    Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
    Sweetheart: What's the matter?
    Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
    Sweetheart: Are you OK?
    Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
    Sweetheart: Can I help?
    Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
    Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
    Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
    Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
    Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
    Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
    Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
    Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
    Wellhung: I found it.
    Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
    Wellhung: Me too.
    Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
    Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
    Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
    Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
    Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
    Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
    Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
    Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
    Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
    Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
    Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
    Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
    Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
    Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
    Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
    Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
    Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
    Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
    Sweetheart: What?
    Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
    Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
    Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
    Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
    Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
    Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
    Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
    Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
    Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

    -----------------------------

    I.F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
    SexyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
    I.F.: a Kodiac bear
    SexyKarla17: ?
    I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
    SexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach
    I.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are near
    SexyKarla17: huh?
    I.F.: Bears get f**kin pumped when anyone is near their cubs
    Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..
    SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
    I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
    SexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly
    I.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
    I.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite you
    SexyKarla17: Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
    I.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
    SexyKarla17: what the f**k?
    I.F.:uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

    ------------------------------------

    I.F.: My s**t is hard you ready to jump aboard?
    1hOttYeVe: oh yea im so wet right now
    I.F.: Why you just shower?
    1hOttYeVe: no im wet for you
    I.F.: Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator s**t you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool at the end of it.
    1hOttYeVe: What the f**k are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?
    I.F.: I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you...
    I.F.: Im sorry lets continue!
    1hOttYeVe: alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest
    I.F.: I pop like 16 boners
    1hOttYeVe: what the f**k!
    I.F.: what?

    -------------------------------------

    Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
    J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
    Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
    J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
    Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
    J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
    Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
    J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
    Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
    J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
    Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
    J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
    Partner6: It likes that.
    J-Dogg: aight.
    Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
    J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
    Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
    J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
    Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
    J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
    Partner6: WTF?!
    J-Dogg: Oh s**t, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
    Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only f**k women...
    J-Dogg: S**it just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
    Partner6: You dips**t.
    J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
    J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

    ---------------------------------------

    J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
    Partner8: Who the f**k are you?
    J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
    J-Dogg: F**k me, F**k me.
    J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
    Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
    J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
    Partner8: Is that like cancer?
    J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
    Partner8: Good one romeo.
    J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you think it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

    The salmon swim at night.
    Towards your room.
    The snow and the moon.

    Partner8: that was never a haiku.
    J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
    Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
    J-Dogg: So you ready to f**k then?
    Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
    J-Dogg: ...
    Partner8: ?
    J-Dogg: I'm spent.

    -------------------------

    Jdogg: Hey
    QT-Pie: Hey
    Jdogg: whats goin on
    QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you?
    Jdogg: Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
    QT-Pie: what does that mean?
    Jdogg: what are you wearing?
    QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans.
    Jdogg: Garter belt?
    QT-Pie: Ummm...no.
    Jdogg: Are we gonna cyber or not?
    QT-Pie: uh, okay.
    Jdogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
    Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your p*ssy stink from here.
    QT-Pie: WHAT?!
    Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
    Jdogg: You leave everything to Jdogg.
    Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
    QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go.
    Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
    QT-Pie: A stripe?
    Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
    QT-Pie: You're a freak.
    Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

  2. #2
    Banned
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    tl;dr

  3. #3
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    The pizza one is priceless. "You can't hurry good pizza"

  4. #4
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    Quote Originally Posted by Sleepingrock View Post
    Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
    BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
    She's the only one that had ANY sort of comeback. How sad.

    EDIT-Oh wait...Partner 8 was pretty funny.
    Last edited by M Sparks; 07-02-2009 at 07:37 PM.

  5. #5
    Coachella Junkie Alchemy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    Quote Originally Posted by Sleepingrock View Post
    1hOttYeVe: alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest
    I.F.: I pop like 16 boners
    1hOttYeVe: what the f**k!
    I.F.: what?
    I almost died from this one.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    I try to be politically pc more than most here: As a dude, anyone who could put a shark up a gals pc body, is pretty creepy, different and interesting. Just saying big time ..... cr****

  6. #6
    Coachella Junkie
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    This shit is older than message boards.

  7. #7
    Member blackchango's Avatar
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    I've just fuckin died of laughter!

  8. #8
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    The pirate one wins
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  9. #9
    Young blood
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    I just put my order in for a new set of tarot cards.


    Girls: He Tricked Us Into Sex With Tarot Cards

    By Karen Araiza
    NBCPhiladelphia.com
    updated 1 hour, 25 minutes ago

    A Philadelphia man's accused of using Tarot cards and mysticism to lure three teenage girls into having sex with him.

    "He was reading my cards and told me that I wasn't on a good path and that I had to do these things called 'five' and 'seven' to make things better," a 15-year old testified in court Wednesday.

    She told jurors that Hector Ayala, 59, tricked her into having sex with him by convincing her that it would get rid of any bad luck and help her wishes come true, according to The Daily News.
    Story continues below ↓advertisement | your ad here

    Ayala, who was a family friend, read her Tarot cards when she was 13 and told her he saw misfortune in her future, but he could take care of that by performing oral sex on her.

    "I kept thinking, 'Is this rape? Is this rape?' " she testified. "I thought, 'No, it wouldn't be, because he cares about me.' "

    The teen said Ayala told her if she thought of things she wanted while he performed oral sex on her, she would get those things. The girl said her home life at the time was "getting complicated" and after mulling over Ayala's proposal for several months, she relented.

    Then Ayala told her it was only a temporary fix for good fortune, she told jurors.

    "He told me that I needed to do seven [vaginal intercourse] for it to be a complete job," the teen testified.

    Once again she thought it over for several months and then had intercourse with Ayala, she said.

    She is the third teen to testify against Ayala. He's charged with rape, aggravated sex assault and related offenses. Two 16-year olds testified that Ayala abused them for years. One told jurors Ayala convinced her that having sex with him would lift a curse on her family. The other 16-year old testified that he lured her into sex after reading her fortune.

  10. #10
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    Funniest rape story ever!

  11. #11
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: The saga of bloodninja

    Quote Originally Posted by Young blood View Post
    after mulling over Ayala's proposal for several months, she relented.
    MONTHS!

    I hate to side with this scumbag, but...MONTHS! If she was over 18, we'd all be congratulating this guy.

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