I'm scared, excited, confused, worried, happy.........

[marooko]

While in Vegas, my girlfriend brought up wanting an engagement ring. I really don't know wht to think about this. I can't even tell what exactly my first thought is. I love her and don't plan on leaving anytime soon. When I think about things I wanna do, she's there. Problem is, I'm just all fucked up and am focusing on the bad possibilities. I don't really think I'm gonna get many reasonable responses, but I am hoping for some.

So, anybody wanna share some good times or horror stories of your experiences with marriage, engagement etc.? Maybe tell me I'm crazy for thinking about going through with it, or crazy for thinking otherwise. Anyway, have at it.

[SFChrissy]

loose the pressure and embrace the love and happiness you share...hopefully she will too!!!

[ThomThom]

Marookoo,

Chill out man, just because she is hinting at one doesn't mean she wants one NOW. It just means that she takes your relationship very seriously and if you did pop the question at any point in time she will say yes. Women always hint at things, knowing that it may not happen at that moment. It's a way to provide assurance for you. Don't buy shit, just take it as a heads up and buy one when your ready (if that ever happens). I got a hint as well, that was 3 years ago and I still haven't bought a ring. But I do know that she is as serious as I am about our relationship thus making me feel more comfortable when the time is right.

[miseducation]

Problem is, I'm just all fucked up and am focusing on the bad possibilities.

In my relatively short life experience, worrying about negative things is nearly as bad as experiencing the negative things themselves.

I would ask you how long you've been dating and whether or not you already live together, but I'm getting the feeling it doesn't really matter in this situation.

I say don't fear the ring, it's probably not going to be all that different from your current life. Make her happy and get married in a year, she probably deserves it.

But that's me - I'm highly considering taking that plunge next year as well. I reasoned it out and figured that if I've lived with her for as long as I have - I might as well give in and make that official gesture.

I don't expect it to change my lifestyle much, I'm not having kids for like 10 years. But again, that's my view. Hope it helps.

Any married people care to comment on what the hell actually changes when it becomes official?

[miseducation]

Chill out man, just because she is hinting at one doesn't mean she wants one NOW.

Oh that is a good point. If she just hinted at it, you do have a quite a bit of time to make up your mind.

Although, it depends on how long you've been going out - it might also signal the start of her turning on the "I really want to get married sometime soon" timer.

[marooko]

We've been dating for several years (since 2000). It never been an issue, we both wanna take our time. We've discussed it, and it's not like she wants it soon. It's just worrisome considering all the failed marriages around you. I don't see myslef without her, but just get worried about the whole marriage thing.

[SFChrissy]

don't worried...Thom makes a great point...just feel afirmed and afirm her in return but not necessarily with a ring and the proposal...

ps can I come to the wedding/reception???

[marooko]

sometimes i hate being a libra.

yes.

[miseducation]

Seven years?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say she's turning on that aforementioned timer.

While we're on the subject of looking at all the failed marriages out there - take some time to look at all the failed relationships also.

If you've managed to be together for seven years, I'd say you should have a pretty damn good idea of what she's like.

Conversely, there's a good chance that she's getting some nasty pressure from friends and family to tie the knot. I know stuff like that shouldn't matter, but our society just programs people into thinking they need all of this shit.

So I'm not saying that's why she wants to, but she's probably getting reminded of the fact that she isn't married pretty often.

[marooko]

Seven years?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say she's turning on that aforementioned timer.

While we're on the subject of looking at all the failed marriages out there - take some time to look at all the failed relationships also.

If you've managed to be together for seven years, I'd say you should have a pretty damn good idea of what she's like.

Conversely, there's a good chance that she's getting some nasty pressure from friends and family to tie the knot. I know stuff like that shouldn't matter, but our society just programs people into thinking they need all of this shit.

So I'm not saying that's why she wants to, but she's probably getting reminded of the fact that she isn't married pretty often.

We both are reminded of it. The standard response has been, "We've started a fund, what you got on it?"

And that's something that scares me also, I don't want it to be a pressured thing.

[thelastgreatman]

Just tell her the truth about your reservations. She'll understand if you hit her with the "the marriages I've seen in my life have trained me to think that they all fail, and I need some time to overcome my neuroses because I know you and I are better than that. I want to be with you forever, but I just need some time to exorcise all this bullshit our multi-divorced society has filled my head with, because the man that marries you shouldn't have an iota of doubt in him." kinda deal.

[marooko]

Thanks, LGM. I totally thought I was gonna have to pretend i didn't read your post.

[ShyGuy75]

Run marooko! Run like the wind!

[J~$$$]

7 years. She has waited long enough.

[ThomThom]

Wait a minute Marookoo, aren't you like 21 years old or some shit?

[marooko]

+8. (not points)

[woogie846]

Go for it. You guys have been together for almost 8 years, and you aren't getting any younger. If you've lasted this long without breaking up, what could marriage possibly do to your relationship. You guys seem really strong together, and putting a ring and a title into the picture isn't going to make it any weaker.

[Deviate_420]

By the her the ring, but also keep the receipt...

[ThomThom]

Marookoo,

Do whatever feels right. If you need more time, take it. If your mind is made up, start shopping.

[SFChrissy]

+8. (not points)

your too young to get married even if she's the one!!! sorry that's how I feel 'bout marriage and kidz...

[marooko]

Too young at 29?

[SFChrissy]

Too young at 29?

That's when I had my first grommet and then I felt too young even though I had experienced so much life...I still believe I was too young...and I'm scared shitless to get married!!!

[captncrzy]

The sooner you take the plunge, the sooner you can start looking for the next Mrs. Marooko.


If you don't know if she's the one after 7 years, she's not the one. Sorry.

Oh, and if she's hinting for a ring, it means she does want one. Sasha's girlfriend is hanging on three years later because he's a nice guy coupled with the fact that he's hot.

[Glamour Damaged]

Marriage just makes your relationship legal. I guess people just want security. Most girls see the big white dress, the cake, the party, the honeymoon. Most guys see legal documents, divorce, child support & alimony...

[higgybaby23]

Go for it. You guys have been together for almost 8 years, and you aren't getting any younger. If you've lasted this long without breaking up, what could marriage possibly do to your relationship. You guys seem really strong together, and putting a ring and a title into the picture isn't going to make it any weaker.

I agree with woogie.

I had cold feet for nearly six years! It drove my partner crazy. She explained to me that women get a lot of shit from family, friends and society in general for being unmarried. My insecurities and stress about marriage were really nothing compared to the stress on my girl caused by waiting to pop the question. If you really love her, just do it.

Oh yeah, if you do get married, know that you don't have to spend $20,000 to have a nice wedding. It can be done well with a few grand.

[marooko]

The sooner you take the plunge, the sooner you can start looking for the next Mrs. Marooko.


If you don't know if she's the one after 7 years, she's not the one. Sorry.

Oh, and if she's hinting for a ring, it means she does want one. Sasha's girlfriend is hanging on three years later because he's a nice guy coupled with the fact that he's hot.

So what you're saying is, I'm an unattractive mean person and I shuld hurry up and buy the ring before it's too late?

I have no doubt of her being, or not being the one. What bothers me is the stress put upon us both for not being married. Is it for her and I?, or is it for everyone else?

[miseducation]

Is it for her and I?, or is it for everyone else?

It's clearly, obviously and undeniably for everyone else. But that doesn't mean it's not something special.

If you have no qualms about being a part of a ceremony that pretty much says "I INTEND ON BEING WITH THIS WOMAN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE" - then you should really have no reason not to.

[marooko]

It's clearly, obviously and undeniably for everyone else. But that doesn't mean it's not something special.

If you have no qualms about being a part of a ceremony that pretty much says "I INTEND ON BEING WITH THIS WOMAN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE" - then you should really have no reason not to.

That's so crazy. I think of it being for us, and everyone there is witness of my feelings for her and hers for me.

I don't feel I have any real reason not to, it's just crazy and intense. You know, my first thought was probably..."Fuck, this is gonna be expensive." haha. Really though, I am extremely excited and happy. I thinks it's an amazing feeling to share.

I have the scary thoughts, but not the scary feeling from the thoughts. I think that's a good thing.

[SFChrissy]

This thread needs a Xanex!!!

[thelastgreatman]

Xanax.