Sea of Madness

[Ardentbiscuit]

So I was finally guilted by my family to go on my first cruise ever. I have never gone on a cruise before.

I had been tempted before because of various cruises that feature bands and DJs but in general the whole thing didn't appeal to me.

First of all, after spending a week (falling over Thanksgiving) at sea visting the Mexican Riviera I can honestly say cruising isn't for me. That's 7 days....

First of all, everyone is either old (over 90) or very young (under 18)...in fact the captain stated that there were over 900 people under 18 of the 2900+ people on the cruise.

The entertainment was psychotic.

First of all, they put on various musicals. One was called "Caliente" and they took all of the famous spanish/hispanic songs of the last 50 years (everything from Ricky Martin, to Old and New Santana, La Bamba, Guatenamara, etc.) and had their singers and dancers prance around on vaguely latin sets. It was cheesy to say the least.

They also did something called, "Cinematastic" where they took movies with famous songs and did their own versions. Some defied belief. For instance, why would you do Titantic on a cruise? And they picked lame things like "Rainbow Connection" from the Muppet Movie. They basically did it with their own spin. Another example is they took "Rain Drops keep Falling on my Head" from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid and had their dancers and singers bike around in unison while girls danced around them. Totally ludicrious.

Another thing that was terrible is that apparently the Mexican phone company is totally corrupt so if you wanted to use your cell phone it would be anywhere from $6 to $15 a minute. The ship had internet access but it never worked and was around 75 cents a minute. So basically I was cut off from the world.

The cruise directors kept inserting themselves into the shows by either singing or telling jokes or doing something to basically make my life more miserable.

We stopped in 3 ports, Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabo San Lucas. It was disheartening to pull into Puerto Vallarta and your first site is a giant Wallmart next to a Sam's Club.

Another thing was that they pushed on your constantly was the food. They had specific dining times you could arrange in dining rooms, anytime dining rooms, food stands, 24 buffets, etc. This was included with the cruise. They just wanted people to eat until they couldn't move.

They had crazy events where they got people to act like nuts. They had a pool olympics where they had people retrieve fruit from the pool. It's scary watching people pull fruit out of their swimsuits, tops and bottoms.

They had a sexy guy event where they had these guys strip down to their underwear and dance around with fake beads, champagne, and other stuff.

The worst part was they filmed this stuff and edited into movies and showed it constantly on screens around the ship and on a channel in the room. And then they tried to re sell it to you at the end as fond memories of the cruise.

I felt bad for the guy who won the underwear contest. I saw him walking in a suit and all these kids standing on an upper deck saw him and started yelling, "Look it's the crazy naked guy from the video!". He covered his face and ran.

About the most famous person who performed on the ship was Johnny Thunder not to be confused with Johnny Thunders.

The comedians mostly made fun of the cruise in their shows.

Nobody who worked on the cruise was from the USA. They were from Mexico, Italy, Canada, Ukraine, Phillapines, Thailand, Russian, Hungary, Poland, Romania etc.

I was talking to some people who worked there. When you pay for things you are only allowed to pay with your cruise card, no cash. They charge it to your account. There is a place for a tip and if you put in a tip the ship takes the money.

They ship takes an automatic $10.50 from each cruise person a day for tips and then divides it evenly between the staff and crew of the ship. So it doesn't matter how good or bad of a job you do, you get the same tip as everyone else. Pretty unfair if you ask me.

And they had a nightclub that was on the upper deck and looked over the water. It was called, "Skywalkers". The DJ played the same top 40 mix every night. Pretty sucky. You would think if he knew he was going to be DJ ing every night on a 7 day cruise he could at least mix it up.

That's all for now..

Anyone else have cruise experiences?

[canexplain]

i have been on a number of ships crossing the oceans but only once on a cruise ship .... it was one of the best vacations we ever had .... i think the difference from what we did and what you said you did ... is we went to maybe one show and that was it ... the rest of the time it was gambling or just doing what we wanted to do, not what they suggested ..... canx**

[J~$$$]

I went on a cruise in 1980, it was Christmas time there were guest stars galore on the boat Dorothy Lamour, Dirk Benedict, Allan Jones and Jack Jones. For some reason there was laugh overs used at the most inappropriate times. Thems was the days.

[Ardentbiscuit]

The problem was that 25 members of my family were there (all ages) and they wanted us to participate in group events.

Gambling and drinking didn't qualify.

Also, I hated the formal dress up dining nights. What a pain when you are on vacation. Why do I need to dress up? Nobody cares if I do or don't.

[J~$$$]

"Doc" our bartender was a real joker.

[Ardentbiscuit]

The best part of the cruise was my uncle telling me about his old concert days.

He was telling me about how when they had a talent contest in the town where he was from. He told me Dean Martin was in the contest (before he was famous) and he came in second!

He also told me about when his wife (my aunt) and him went to see Tom Jones when he hosted a show with Janis Joplin and Sammy Davs Jr.

And other stuff like that.

The think the funniest was they had this pirate show on a boat in Puerto Vallarta that the kids in the family wanted to go on so my uncle took the kids. Apparently at the end they had an all you can eat BBQ with all you can drink rum. My uncle drank so much he passed out in the cabin back in the ship afterwards for 10 hours!

[J~$$$]

Gene Rayburn and Ethel Merman were there too they had us in stitches.

[matildawong]

Your bartender "Isaac", J~$$$.
I heard about your cruise somewhere.

[matildawong]

Ardent, what cruise line were you on?

[J~$$$]

Your bartender "Isaac", J~$$$.
I heard about your cruise somewhere.

Thats right in 1980 I was only 2 so I dont remember all the specifics of the cruise.

[matildawong]

Hee!! I forgot you are such a youngster. Good thing I'm so old and can remember these things.

Like, your cruise director was Julie McCoy and Gopher was your ship's purser.

[J~$$$]

She was kind of slutty I could see it her eyes.

[matildawong]

well, it was exciting and new. All you had to do was come aboard...they were expecting you.

[J~$$$]

god I <3 that theme song.

[Ardentbiscuit]

It was Princess Cruises, we were on the Golden Princess...

And no matter where I was on the ship I always seemed to end up near this white trash family that screamed all the time, got drunk, wore no shoes, ran around, jumped on the furniture, parents blew all their money in the casino, etc.

[Ardentbiscuit]

Maybe he smoked crack and thought he was on the love boat personally every week, who knows?

[J~$$$]

Doesn't that sum up everyone on the cruise?

[matildawong]

wow I wouldn't have guessed Princess by your description. My guess would have been Carnival.
I never wanted to go on a cruise -- the image in my head was sort of like your description, Ardentbiscuit. But then I worked for a travel company and we learned about all of the cruise lines and there are some really nice ones like Oceania.

[tessalasset]

I wish more TV shows would have intros like that, where all the cast are in a little floating circle and turn to the camera and smile.