The gift ideas thread. Because it's that time again. Already. The fuck?

[Boourns]

I bought a box set containing 5 Barry Manilow DVD's for my mother.

[RotationSlimWang]

Once again, for something like the eighth year running, I want drugs.

I also want Zach to back the fuck up off my Radiohead Kool-Aid. Maybe they tolerate that bullshit in Texas, but on the internet we'll bite your goddamn kneecaps off.

I want to get something for Hannah for starting this thread, as it will almost certainly save me from having to put any effort into finding things to give my family for Christmas. Score No. 1 is the Twirl-A-Squirrel. Thank you, Dani. Thank you so much. My mother will laugh so hard she'll wet herself. Do you really need a maid? I'll come by and do it for you, but only if I can be bottomless.

[summerkid]

I hate secret santa shit at work. Now I have to get a gift for someone that
a. I don't even like
b. Don't know a damn thing about

I mean what the hell am I supposed to do?

[bballarl]

I hate secret santa shit at work. Now I have to get a gift for someone that
a. I don't even like
b. Don't know a damn thing about

I mean what the hell am I supposed to do?

Hookers and blow are always a nice gift.

[Hannahrain]

Make sure the hooker has nice collarbone indents.

[thefunkylama]

I'm beginning to think this thread has a one-track mind.

[summerkid]

Hookers and blow are always a nice gift.

I don't think I'd feel comfortable paying for a male hooker / :

[RotationSlimWang]

So just get her the blow--she'll fuck somebody.

[dontfeedthebird]

I keep thinking a french press is a pedicure.

17 year old boys?
Easy. Porn. And a bottle of lotion for his elbows.

[Hannahrain]

This probably ought to go into confessions. But.

Last year's dead christmas tree is still in the back of the truck out front.

[thefunkylama]

At least it's not last year's hooker.

[Boourns]

I should get a hooker as a gift to myself.

[BROKENDOLL]

My girlfriend told her best friend she wanted a nintendo wii or a promise ring.
I already go her the wii but i'm thinking about getting a cheap promise ring too.
is that wrong?

A cheap promise ring? Sweeeet...

[BROKENDOLL]

This probably ought to go into confessions. But.

Last year's dead christmas tree is still in the back of the truck out front.

Wonder what my neighbors think of the laughter occuring here at almost 2am?

[captncrzy]

i could use a maid, even if just once

Haha, that's what I asked my sister for about 10 minutes ago when she emailed me asking me what I want for Xmas.

I don't know what to get my girlfriend. I was thinking a mandolin, so I could take it afterwards because she doesn't play it and then I could have a mandolin.

Jewelry. Doesn't have to be a ring dude, but jewelry will get you laid big time.

I hate secret santa shit at work. Now I have to get a gift for someone that
a. I don't even like
b. Don't know a damn thing about

I mean what the hell am I supposed to do?

I'm hoping to draw someone I know myself. Did you guys set a price limit?
I've always found that you can get a nice bottle of liquor or a cool picture frame for just about anyone.

[weltschmerz]

Bah Humbug!!

[amyzzz]

I always get my mom a Harkins T-shirt (free popcorn at the movies for a year)
and a Harkins cup ($1 drink refills for a year).

This year, I'm buying lots of hand soaps and shower gel stuff at Bath & Body Works for female relatives. Maybe I'll buy some nice cheap baskets at Michael's to put the soaps in.

I need ideas for male family members. I always end up getting them a sweater or clothes or something. I have a 17-year-old nephew--should I stick with the appropriate gift card?

I don't want to say what I'm getting my husband in case he happens to troll here. That is all for now.

[sonofhal]

I decided to give all my friends fuck all this year - that way every day will be like christmas.

[TomAz]

II need ideas for male family members. I always end up getting them a sweater or clothes or something.

for dads and uncles and stuff Omaha Steaks is always a good choice.

[thefunkylama]

So here's something I do to make Christmas a little less about corporate head honchos making money off of me and a little more Hey Look What I Can Do When I'm Poor: I make my own ornaments, using plain glass ornaments and then adding my own color via acrylic paints.

I'm putting them in there because I also sometimes give them as gifts to folks because they are both fun and simple. Basically all you need to do is add your desired colors to the glass ornaments, shake or swirl as desired, and tip over in a paper cup to drain the extra paint and to dry. Sometimes if there's enough, you can pour the leftover paint into another ornament and get more life out of your paints. Doesn't work every time, though. Anyway. Here are some of my favorites from last year.



This picture doesn't really do the ornament justice, but you get the jist. it's blue and white and I always imagine it looks like waves.



This is the view from above. Somehow the perspective makes it look like the ornament is full, but it really isn't.


This one is like candy cane colors.




Two more views.




Also, as demonstrated above, you don't have to use multiple colors. This one is red metalic paint (clearly) in a glass ornament with a special finish. Technically these weren't meant for painting, but they look so amazing painted so I did it anyway.



This is one using red, green, and gold metallic paint. Just because of the nature of the paint, it didn't stick to the entire surface of the glass inside, so splotches formed. It actually looks really cool in person.

Anyway. There 'tis.

[Courtney]

Alma those are very neat. I like.

[amyzzz]

Thanks, Alma. I might try that. I am always so broke around this time of year.

[nothingman00]

Lama, those are the shit. Do you have to get special acrylics or will any old acrylics work? For instance, for the first one (the waves), what type/brand of acrylics did you use?

Also, follow up question here, how could one go about imprinting the "In Rainbows" album cover on the inside of the glass? Not that I'd spend 72 hours making sure to get every pixel correct or anything, but I mean, if , say, Randy was going to make me one for Christmas, how could it be done?

NOTE TO RANDY: If you could also have Thom Yorke sing into a bottle and then cap that fucker really quickly, I promise to let the remnants of his voice settle for no less than a decade before opening. Hell, as a bonus, you could just bottle up Thom Yorke! Get on it, Randy. Time's a tickin'.

In all seriousness Alma, those are cool. Mrs. Nothingman and myself are going to attempt some this Christmas. Should the acrylics be thinned with H2O or anything?

[crazzz2007]

As much as I'm sure he'd enjoy that, I don't know how I'd feel about giving him those things in front of the whole family. And anyway, how do you keep 3 hookers alive in a box without punching holes in it? The holes would give it away immediately.

hooker gift certificate

[Hannahrain]

a few silver bracelets that I have yet to make

I made one of these this morning. Here's a really crummy webcam shot of it. It's a lot nicer in person. And the blue is a lot darker in real life. More like a cobalt.

[Hannahrain]

And yes I am still in pajamas. It's my day off. Fuck you.

[thefunkylama]

Then those are some kick-ass pajamas.

Edit: also, as for the acrylics, use what you have. I just buy whatever the store I'm in happens to be selling. It helps if it says on the bottle that it's good for glass, but it's been a year since I made these so I don't remember what brand I use.

oh one more thing. For the illegitimate child-planet blue swirly one, I used leftovers from another ornament that was just blue and pearl white, and then swirled it around. Part of what made the super-cool effect was the fact that I didn't have a lot to work with and it didn't take very long to dry. If I think of anything else after class gets out, I'll add it here. To the thread, I mean, not this post.

[Stefinitely Maybe]

I would like an R2D2 DVD projector please.

[BROKENDOLL]

Geez, I should have stock in Micheal's Crafts, Inc. with as many tumes as I go there! I've seen the clear ornaments and never thought about crafting them as you have. May I say you have some really nice balls?

[Hannahrain]

No. You may not.