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Thread: Confessions

  1. #10801
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by weeklymix View Post
    I'll try to make it short. This was a few years back.

    Coolest grandfather dies.
    Following winter, shitty widowed grandmother sold some family heirlooms including items left to me in grandfather's will. She was financially sound regardless.
    Following spring, finished paying my own tuition via scholarships and money saved.
    Asked by grandmother if I'd afford final term in undergrad.
    Said "No."
    Received funds.
    Absconded to a Puerto Rico resort for spring break.

    Never a regret.
    You've still got some stuff to learn about acrostic poetry. This is abysmal.

  2. #10802
    Member chbludevil's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    When I was 5 I struck out on the T in T ball. Yes it is humanly possible to do that.

  3. #10803
    old school unit300021's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by chbludevil View Post
    When I was 5 I struck out on the T in T ball. Yes it is humanly possible to do that.
    I'm sure that happens quite a lot with five year old kids.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Why aren't there more good role models for fat people who fall down a lot?

  4. #10804
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    C FiF ASRA - confirmed

  5. #10805
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I tried little league once and the kids kept beaning me right in the head to I quit

  6. #10806
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Pretty damn certain that if I were 25 years younger, I'd be soliciting my ass for funds to get back to Hawaii. Fuck morals.
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  7. #10807
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Confessions

    The ghost of time is an impression of yesterday


  8. #10808
    Member Santa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I jerk off to elf porn.

  9. #10809
    old school Suffacated's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by BROKENDOLL View Post
    Pretty damn certain that if I were 25 years younger, I'd be soliciting my ass for funds to get back to Hawaii. Fuck morals.
    Knowing what I know now, i'd be pimping her ass out to my work associates.....we'd be there in no time.

  10. #10810
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    i have a lot of wonderful friends, but it's also kinda nice knowing i still have friends that would beat the ever-loving crap out of someone if i said the word <3

    ps, i'd never do it, but still
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  11. #10811

    Default Re: Confessions

    I was trying to give myself a prostate massage but I couldn't find it.
    "why are you so annoying" TheKlein25

  12. #10812
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I am a little too happy to realize I still have a bit of game left.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  13. #10813
    Member Santa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    FBored on a long 8hr trip through the night, I decided to plug my phone into the stereo, stand it up in front of my gauges and have a good long masturbation session while crossing state lines.

    Unfortunately when I came, I had forgotten I had no napkins and then proceeded to wipe myself off with my hat.
    Last edited by Santa; 02-07-2013 at 03:31 AM.

  14. #10814

    Default Re: Confessions

    re-read my posts a lot, but haven't masturbated in three months

  15. #10815
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have a different Grumpy Cat shirt for each day of Coachella.
    ...I have two out of three
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  16. #10816

    Default Re: Confessions

    I jacked off to the restroom scene in Welcome To The Dollhouse.
    "why are you so annoying" TheKlein25

  17. #10817
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by Santa View Post
    FBored on a long 8hr trip through the night, I decided to plug my phone into the stereo, stand it up in front of my gauges and have a good long masturbation session while crossing state lines.

    Unfortunately when I came, I had forgotten I had no napkins and then proceeded to wipe myself off with my hat.
    ... WHA?
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  18. #10818
    old school ThatGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I just spent the last 10 minutes laughing at several googled sweet brown memes.
    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    It's all riding on this. You've got big dreams to ride to the top of the Flash Mob world. Well internet fame costs. And right now is when you start paying for it...in sweat.
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  19. #10819
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    ... WHA?
    I have some questions too. Were you driving while getting yourself off, and what did the phone have to do with your playtime?

  20. #10820
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    And why were you STANDING?
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  21. #10821
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I cannot orgasm while standing, for the record.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  22. #10822
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Really? Blood flow problem?

  23. #10823
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    He's not standing, just his phone. Can't you read?

    Oh wait, I thought he was in a car. So confused.

  24. #10824
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I have to point my toes. Dunno why. Think it might be something I just got accustomed to from jacking it as a young lad.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  25. #10825
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    No I didn't read that properly. Okay that makes more sense. I've jerked off while driving once.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  26. #10826
    old school ThatGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    And why were you STANDING?
    I thought he meant he stood his phone up in front of the guages.
    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    It's all riding on this. You've got big dreams to ride to the top of the Flash Mob world. Well internet fame costs. And right now is when you start paying for it...in sweat.
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  27. #10827
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Randy, do you lift your leg when you kiss?

  28. #10828
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    If I'm feeling Leslie Nielsen-ish, yes. Which is most days.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  29. #10829
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Santa can stand all he wants when he's jerking it -- the reindeers keep his vessel steady.

    8/16: Anthony Naples, Maxmillion Dunbar @ f8
    8/18: Man Man @ The Chapel
    8/23-8/24: FYF Fest
    8/30: Peaking Lights @ The Chapel
    9/3: Bear in Heaven @ The Independent
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival

  30. #10830
    The Encyclopedia bmack86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Jerking while driving is only recommended in very rural, sparsely traveled areas. Who knows when you're going to have a sudden, distinct urge to swerve. Experience? Maybe.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Remember Hitler? I don't but here we are again .. cr****

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