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Thread: valARie this is my explanation

  1. #1
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default valARie this is my explanation

    Sorry to make another retarded thread but I dont know where to put this so valARie can see it. I got a text from her today stating "ronnie i am walking to work right now by the time i get there i want to see the story behind that vm (voicemail) on the board"

    So this is the thread I explain to her what was up with my voicemail and the text i sent to gabe. Also sorry if there is any retarded people on the board cos I used the word retarded in a derrogatory way....and sorry for my typos but ive been drinking with my friends that just got back into the country and I'm a bit tipsy....sorry for saying sorry so much but the other day when i was stoned I decided to be a nicer person.....so i guess this is new new caco

    So valARie....(hold on I have to make my plate cos dinner is ready) Alright Im back. So yeah, I was at Brus Room last night when I shouldnt have been...I was going to watch a movie with Lauren but Pat my cop friend called me and asked me to show up.....since Lauren decided to diss me last week I was like, FUCK YEAH IM GOING...So I showed up and wasnt going to drink too much cos I only had about 50 bucks left on my gift certificate I won last Wednesday during the pajama party. I did want to drink more than 50 bucks.

    Well we ended up getting drunk cos Justina (the girl that was my inspiration for "Weapon of Ass Distruction") was bartending and said she needed me to get druink so I would sing during kareooke (sp) Well I start talking to this hot chick who we are all conviced is a call girl cos we see her in the bar with rich ugly guys all the time. Well I start macking on her and things go great until she asked me what is the dorkiest thing about myself......well naturally I tell her about the board.....I try to explain the "coachella experience", animal fights, mall madness, and so on. She laughed and thought it was cute, but when I tried to explain my relationship thread and quote some great moments in the thread she got freaked out and left me. We were going to do a duet of Grease but she left so I sang both parts on my own. I didnt bring sexy back.

    Then everyone laughed at me and we got drunker. Pat my cop friend decided to bring out his breath test so I can hit on this girl who I was talking to. Well I go up to her and told her if she fails the test then she has to kiss me so make her more sober. She said a kiss is better than having to blow something else to see if she passes Well she failed cos it was rigged (Pat told me if she smoke or drink 15 minutes before blowing, the machine will be inaccurate and I got her a shot before taking the test) so she had to kiss me. She kissed me. She had no idea I knew she is a dj on the local rock radio station.

    So I decided to sing "In Love With A Girl" by Whitestripes. It sucked She got turned off and the Frankie O Kee said, "thats why he isnt get laid tonight".....I GOT COCKEDBLOCKED BY A GUY WHO MAKES A LIVING BY PLAYING SONGS FOR DRUNK PEOPLE TO SING TO.

    I had to redeem myself. So Pat was like lets do a duet. We sang "Forget About Dre" I was Eminem and he was Dre. I kicked ass but Pat kinda sucked. The only word he could really say in the song was "gibberish" At the end of the song I started to freestyle about the dj (im not going to mention her name on here sorry you guys) She was touched and by the end of the night so was I

    that is the facts according to me, Pat, Justina, and the few others that could remember what happened last night
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  2. #2
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    now im off back to brus room, ill try to check this when i get back in full form
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  3. #3
    Cobra psychic friend's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    full on idle form
    .................................................. ..............
    She added the phrase "meany head" to my profile.
    I hardly think I'm an attention whore.
    I train birds of prey and am I licensed falconer

  4. #4
    old school mob roulette's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Ronnie is my hero. Freals.

  5. #5
    old school cansei de ser sexme's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Quote Originally Posted by mob roulette View Post
    Ronnie is my hero. Freals.
    AHAHAH
    freals
    never heard that before

  6. #6
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    okay Ronnie.

  7. #7
    Member All That I Am's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    SIG!
    I miss Bill Hicks.

  8. #8
    I <3 Fall Out boy Yablonowitz's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Christ! You beat me to it, I had it all c&p'd too.

    See: cos I only had about 50 bucks left on my gift certificate I won last Wednesday during the pajama party.
    Quote Originally Posted by ByTheWay, View Post
    If anyone raped or molested my wife or child i'd off them myself so I guess it doesn't matter. If you don't feel those type of emotions in that situation then that is you and in my opinion makes you a twisted person from a twisted state (UTAH) if that is where your from!

  9. #9
    Coachella Junkie schoolofruckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    My favorite part about drunk Ronnie stories that are also drunkenly-rendered is the level of sheer incoherence. That story could have taken place in the biggest bar on South Beach with 1,000 people (half of them Playboy bunnies-in-training), or it could have been Ronnie at home getting fucked up in his room, and I don't think it would make much difference.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    The childless 20-something year olds on the board who find a 50 something year old man fucking teenage prostitutes distasteful will probably change the hum of their tune once they produce babies, definitely. That's the missing link.

  10. #10
    old school mob roulette's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    I GOT COCKEDBLOCKED BY A GUY WHO MAKES A LIVING BY PLAYING SONGS FOR DRUNK PEOPLE TO SING TO.

    Yeah. I feel you buddy. Ronnie is a master storyteller. It's true.

  11. #11
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Where can I charge my PayPal account to get more of these stories?
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  12. #12
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    "Also sorry if there is any retarded people on the board cos I used the word retarded in a derrogatory way"

  13. #13
    old school invisiblerobots's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation


  14. #14
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Don't worry. Sooner or later, one of us is going to bang out the works of Shakespeare.

  15. #15
    old school invisiblerobots's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation


  16. #16
    old school mob roulette's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Halfway there. Need more Glenlivet. Or mead. Okay.

  17. #17
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    I have hope. Maybe if I ever get drunk, I will become funny.


    Maybe not.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  18. #18
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Two chicks just walked up and handed me their numbers after I closed out karaoke at the bar I was working one night at with my flawless rendition of Baby Got Back, had about five of them up shaking their asses around me.

    Sadly, I do not actually like butts that big.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  19. #19
    old school invisiblerobots's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation


  20. #20
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    valARie.....i remember leaving you with a question last night. What was it? The only thing I can remember about last nights phone conversation was a guy laughing at me in the bathroom when he was listening to our conversation. Oh yeah I remember chubby digits too
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  21. #21
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Today's been the type of day I wish I could be just like you...

  22. #22
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Ronnie, I will not repeat your remarks from the phone last night. I will, however, provide the good people of the Coachella Board with a transcript of your texts to me, which I have no idea when you sent them but my phone buzzing texts woke me up around 2am:

    Text 1 - "I might do the ill na na with her tonight."

    Text 2 - "Im being :ronnie can i fix it"

  23. #23
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Quote Originally Posted by mob roulette View Post
    Halfway there. Need more Glenlivet. Or mead. Okay.

    Nothing smoother than Glenlivet
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  24. #24
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    I wish I could get that drunk, sort of.
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  25. #25
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    I wish I could get that drunk, sort of.
    Unfortunately, when one gets that drunk, there is no ill na-na...

  26. #26
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    "ill na-na?"
    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Hannah, I don't know that pigs have big weiners, and my early 20's facination with dogs because of weiner size, I think. If that helps.

  27. #27
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Quote Originally Posted by full on idle View Post
    Ronnie, I will not repeat your remarks from the phone last night. I will, however, provide the good people of the Coachella Board with a transcript of your texts to me, which I have no idea when you sent them but my phone buzzing texts woke me up around 2am:

    Text 1 - "I might do the ill na na with her tonight."

    Text 2 - "Im being :ronnie can i fix it"


    holy shit thats funny. well i was being :ronnie by rita (the girl gabe always says when he talks to a lady friend of mine) friend. But i fixed it. When she dropped me off home I told her she had to come in and listen to Explosions In the Sky, so she knows what to expect at Bang
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  28. #28
    old school
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    Quote Originally Posted by caco0283 View Post
    holy shit thats funny. well i was being :ronnie by rita (the girl gabe always says when he talks to a lady friend of mine) friend. But i fixed it. When she dropped me off home I told her she had to come in and listen to Explosions In the Sky, so she knows what to expect at Bang
    Esthero "Breath From Another"
    Im telling you. That shit is like audio panty remover.

    or Massive Attack "Protection"
    I am going to get so blown to Cypress Hill while they play.

  29. #29
    Oh Baby! Jenniehoo's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    ahahahahahahahaha. Ronnie said Ill na na.

    Awesome story.

  30. #30
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: valARie this is my explanation

    jennie what is awesome is the story i have to tell you and gabe about last sunday after i realize you beat me in fantasy football.....yeah you retard
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

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