Funny Jokes

[mozabilly54]

Post your funniest, cheesiest joke here!:

Q: What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
A: Dam

Q: Why do bikes always fall over?
A: Because they are two tired.

Q:What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

[shotglass75]

Carlos Mencia...He's a joke, right?

[mozabilly54]

Carlos Mencia...He's a joke, right?

hahaha. hell yes he is.

[lindseyb]

what did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom when they were on a date?

"you're a fungi!"

[J~$$$]

Someone is going to cry.

[CCRGMac]

What do you call a stupid dinosaur?


























A Dipwadicus.

[J~$$$]

A man walks into his psychiatrists office wrapped head to toe in saran wrap. The psychiatrist looks at him and says "Clearly, I can see your nuts."

[JOE X]

Which James bond actor had a heart attack during filming.
Sean Coronary.

[randy ricochet]

Did you here about the bloke with 5 dicks?





His pants fit like a glove!!

[JohnJohnIII]

What do pigs put on a cut?

Oinkment

[corbo]

what do you call a GAY dinosaur?

a MEGASOREASS

[corbo]

what do you call a LESBIAN dinosaur?




a LICKALOTTAPUSSY

[mozabilly54]

What do pigs put on a cut?

Oinkment

hahahaha this is great.

[JustSteve]

q: what do you call a female peacock?



a: a peacunt

[CuervoPH]

What did the frog order at McDonalds?

A large croak and an order of flies.

[All That I Am]

Are you guys getting headaches from eating all those popsicles?

[jimmycrackcorn]

what do you get when you cross a elephant and a rhinoceros?


elliphino...

think english accent

[canexplain]

Bush ….. I actually have a couple but it’s all in the delivery …..

[joppy-slow]

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he was feeling crummy..

ha ha.. get it 'crummy'

bwoooohahhahaaaaa


Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because 7, 8, 9..

ha ha ha.. get it because like 7 ate the #9..
ha ha ha ha

[TomAz]

this guy goes into a psychologists office and says "doc, you gotta help me. I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee"

the doc says, "Relax, you're two tents."

[dalethethug]

what's the best thing about 27 year old girls?














there's 20 of them!
hahahahahahahahahahha

its just a joke. i didn't mean it.

[semisonic]

My wife calls me from the mall and says someone stole the car. But it's all right -- she wrote down the license number.

[semisonic]

A guy stole my wife's credit card last week but I'm not calling the cops. Guy who stole it is spending less money than my wife did.

[TomAz]

take my wife. please.

[BoneDaddy]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's
rather taken aback because he can't place where he
knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies,
"I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever
been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you
the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love
to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm
your son's teacher."

[i_like_cake530]

A 2nd grade teacher is trying to teach her students the meaning of the word "definitely."

She says, "Now who thinks they can make a sentence using the word definitely?"

One kid raises his hand, "The sky is definitely blue."

the teacher says, "no, the sky can sometimes be cloudy, and gray. Try again."

the students trys again..."the grass is definitely green"

"no" the teacher says, "sometimes the grass is dead, and brown. Anyone else wanna try?"

the student raises his hand again..."Do farts have lumps?"

"What?" says the teacher

"Do farts have lumps?"

"uhh...no" she says

"Then i definitely just crapped my pants"

[i_like_cake530]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's
rather taken aback because he can't place where he
knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies,
"I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever
been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you
the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love
to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm
your son's teacher."

haha

[miscorrections]

q: what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

a: where's my tractor?

[BoneDaddy]

Olaf and Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar.

Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.

"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into
his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his
hands. "Vhere did yew git dat monster??"

"Vell", replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."

"You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.

"Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle
box," says Olaf.

"Could I see him?"

So Olaf opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of
your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?"

"Yes, I will," says the genie.

So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears
back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his
million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million
ducks...flying overhead, raining a virtual duck poop storm down on them.
Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf.

"Yumpin' Yimmny I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew that da genie is hard of
hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?

[kimery08]

3 women work together in an office. their boss always leaves early and is gone for the rest of the day.
one day the 3 women decide to leave right after the boss leaves, knowing they wont get caught.
the brunette goes home, naps, and cooks dinner for her family.
the red head goes to the gym and plans a dinner date with some girlfriends.
the blonde goes home and hears odd noises coming from her bedroom. she quietly opens the door and sees her boss in bed with her husband. she quietly closes the door and leaves the house.
the next day at work the brunette and red head decide to leave early again. they ask the blonde if she wants to leave with them and she says "heck no im not leaving early. i almost got caught yesterday."