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Thread: Funny Jokes

  1. #1
    Member mozabilly54's Avatar
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    Smile Funny Jokes

    Post your funniest, cheesiest joke here!:

    Q: What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
    A: Dam

    Q: Why do bikes always fall over?
    A: Because they are two tired.

    Q:What's brown and sticky?
    A: A stick.
    ~If you're feeling sinister, go off and see a minister~

  2. #2
    old school shotglass75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Carlos Mencia...He's a joke, right?

  3. #3
    Member mozabilly54's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by shotglass75 View Post
    Carlos Mencia...He's a joke, right?
    hahaha. hell yes he is.
    ~If you're feeling sinister, go off and see a minister~

  4. #4

    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    what did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom when they were on a date?

    "you're a fungi!"

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Someone is going to cry.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    What do you call a stupid dinosaur?


























    A Dipwadicus.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    A man walks into his psychiatrists office wrapped head to toe in saran wrap. The psychiatrist looks at him and says "Clearly, I can see your nuts."

  8. #8

    Talking Re: Funny Jokes

    Which James bond actor had a heart attack during filming.
    Sean Coronary.

  9. #9
    Member randy ricochet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Did you here about the bloke with 5 dicks?





    His pants fit like a glove!!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    What do pigs put on a cut?

    Oinkment

  11. #11

    Smile Re: Funny Jokes

    what do you call a GAY dinosaur?

    a MEGASOREASS

  12. #12

    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    what do you call a LESBIAN dinosaur?




    a LICKALOTTAPUSSY

  13. #13
    Member mozabilly54's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by JohnJohnIII View Post
    What do pigs put on a cut?

    Oinkment
    hahahaha this is great.
    ~If you're feeling sinister, go off and see a minister~

  14. #14
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    q: what do you call a female peacock?



    a: a peacunt

  15. #15
    Member CuervoPH's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    What did the frog order at McDonalds?

    A large croak and an order of flies.

  16. #16
    Member All That I Am's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Are you guys getting headaches from eating all those popsicles?
    I miss Bill Hicks.

  17. #17
    Member jimmycrackcorn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    what do you get when you cross a elephant and a rhinoceros?


    elliphino...

    think english accent
    "conversation is a game of circles and i'm getting dizzy-- bye"

  18. #18
    Rover canexplain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Bush Ö.. I actually have a couple but itís all in the delivery Ö..

  19. #19
    Member joppy-slow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

    Because he was feeling crummy..

    ha ha.. get it 'crummy'

    bwoooohahhahaaaaa


    Why was 6 scared of 7?

    Because 7, 8, 9..

    ha ha ha.. get it because like 7 ate the #9..
    ha ha ha ha
    2001, 2004, 2007, 2009

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  20. #20
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    this guy goes into a psychologists office and says "doc, you gotta help me. I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee"

    the doc says, "Relax, you're two tents."
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  21. #21
    Member dalethethug's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    what's the best thing about 27 year old girls?














    there's 20 of them!
    hahahahahahahahahahha

    its just a joke. i didn't mean it.
    Jebus loves me

  22. #22
    Member semisonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    My wife calls me from the mall and says someone stole the car. But it's all right -- she wrote down the license number.

  23. #23
    Member semisonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    A guy stole my wife's credit card last week but I'm not calling the cops. Guy who stole it is spending less money than my wife did.

  24. #24
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    take my wife. please.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  25. #25
    Member BoneDaddy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
    attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's
    rather taken aback because he can't place where he
    knows her from.
    So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies,
    "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever
    been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you
    the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love
    to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
    while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

    She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm
    your son's teacher."
    I'll take you. I can't promise to stay soft the whole time, though.

  26. #26

    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    A 2nd grade teacher is trying to teach her students the meaning of the word "definitely."

    She says, "Now who thinks they can make a sentence using the word definitely?"

    One kid raises his hand, "The sky is definitely blue."

    the teacher says, "no, the sky can sometimes be cloudy, and gray. Try again."

    the students trys again..."the grass is definitely green"

    "no" the teacher says, "sometimes the grass is dead, and brown. Anyone else wanna try?"

    the student raises his hand again..."Do farts have lumps?"

    "What?" says the teacher

    "Do farts have lumps?"

    "uhh...no" she says

    "Then i definitely just crapped my pants"

  27. #27

    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by BoneDaddy View Post
    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
    attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's
    rather taken aback because he can't place where he
    knows her from.
    So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies,
    "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever
    been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you
    the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love
    to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
    while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

    She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm
    your son's teacher."
    haha

  28. #28
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    q: what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

    a: where's my tractor?
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  29. #29
    Member BoneDaddy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    Olaf and Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar.

    Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.

    "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into
    his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

    Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his
    hands. "Vhere did yew git dat monster??"

    "Vell", replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."

    "You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.

    "Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle
    box," says Olaf.

    "Could I see him?"

    So Olaf opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the genie.

    Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of
    your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?"

    "Yes, I will," says the genie.

    So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears
    back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his
    million bucks.

    Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million
    ducks...flying overhead, raining a virtual duck poop storm down on them.
    Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf.

    "Yumpin' Yimmny I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

    Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew that da genie is hard of
    hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?
    I'll take you. I can't promise to stay soft the whole time, though.

  30. #30
    Member kimery08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny Jokes

    3 women work together in an office. their boss always leaves early and is gone for the rest of the day.
    one day the 3 women decide to leave right after the boss leaves, knowing they wont get caught.
    the brunette goes home, naps, and cooks dinner for her family.
    the red head goes to the gym and plans a dinner date with some girlfriends.
    the blonde goes home and hears odd noises coming from her bedroom. she quietly opens the door and sees her boss in bed with her husband. she quietly closes the door and leaves the house.
    the next day at work the brunette and red head decide to leave early again. they ask the blonde if she wants to leave with them and she says "heck no im not leaving early. i almost got caught yesterday."
    '03 '04 '05 '06 '07 '08 '09 '10 '11 '12 '12 '13 '13

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