The Girls Only Thread

[amyzzz]

I found a new GP through zocdoc.com (mostly because I wanted to get the soonest appointment). The doctor I got seemed pretty nice and efficient.

[scenicworld]

I have, but most of them turn out to be out of network and even though I have a PPO plan, I have a deductible for out of network that I'm trying to avoid. Most of my other friends all have Family Practice and Pediatric concerns, and I like to go to a doctor that doesn't have a bunch of toys in the waiting room since I'm an old spinster, lol.

[TomAz]

it's too much for my Endo to coordinate

Are you a dwarf?

[chiapet]

Is your manager even allowed to ask for details about your illness? We are not allowed at my job... it is considered an invasion of the person's privacy. If we doubt that the person is really sick, we can ask them to get a doctor's note, which they send to HR (not the manager), but really we're not "supposed" to do that unless they have taken several days off in a row or if they have repeated (but not consecutive) sick days.

Even if I'm actually just concerned about someone, I am not allowed to ask what's wrong.

[locachica73]

spinner? I think that means something different in my world.

Are there people at your work you can ask? I assume they have the same insurance network. Other than that I have also gone online and just looked at photos to see if I got the creeps from any of the pictures people posted with their profiles. I hate having to find a doctor too. I have stayed with doctors that are completely out of my area just to avoid having to switch.

[locachica73]

Heidi, these people are not familiar with any sort of policy. They are a big group assholes who do not believe I should ever be off of work, I should be available via cell phone at any time, even when I am sick or on vacation. I am currently in search of a new job, with a real company that has real policies, lunch hours, etc.

[Miroir Noir]

Is your manager even allowed to ask for details about your illness? We are not allowed at my job... it is considered an invasion of the person's privacy. If we doubt that the person is really sick, we can ask them to get a doctor's note, which they send to HR (not the manager), but really we're not "supposed" to do that unless they have taken several days off in a row or if they have repeated (but not consecutive) sick days.

Even if I'm actually just concerned about someone, I am not allowed to ask what's wrong.

Employers are allowed to ask certain questions for FMLA qualification purposes, but they're not entitled to seek additional information about an employee's health condition than is necessary to document that it is a serious health condition, etc.

[scenicworld]

Are you a dwarf?

??

spinner? I think that means something different in my world.

Are there people at your work you can ask? I assume they have the same insurance network. Other than that I have also gone online and just looked at photos to see if I got the creeps from any of the pictures people posted with their profiles. I hate having to find a doctor too. I have stayed with doctors that are completely out of my area just to avoid having to switch.

sorry, I meant spinster. darn fingers!

I work pretty far from home so that leaves me in the same position as having my endo 40 miles away. it's an option that I'll consider if needed, but I'd prefer someone closer to home.

I've narrowed down my choices to 3 people, so I'll flip a 3 sided coin at this point and see what I come up with. thanks for the help everyone, I mostly just wanted to vent because I've never had good luck with this sort of thing.

[TomAz]

Endo = endocrinologist = doctor who treats dwarfism??

[scenicworld]

I thought that might be where you were going with it, haha. I'm rather tall for a dwarf at 5'9, but they also deal with pretty much anything hormone related. I have some deficiencies that have been treated for the last few years.

[Robin]

Employers are allowed to ask certain questions for FMLA qualification purposes, but they're not entitled to seek additional information about an employee's health condition than is necessary to document that it is a serious health condition, etc.

Even that can become a sticky situation. Once any employee releases any medical information to me (even if it's just during regular conversation), I have to document it and put it in file. Unfortunately, it can lead to discrimination case(s) later down the line, especially if the medical condition falls under the ADA.

For FMLA purposes, I will try my hardest to NOT ask any questions. If I believe the employee will be absent for more than 7 days, or has a chronic absentee issue, I'll just hand over the WH-380, and let the employee know that if he/she would like to be evaluated for coverage under FMLA, then he/she can have a doctor fill out the form.

[algunz]

What if the condition would effect their job performance or the safety of clients, themselves, etc?

[Robin]

It is the employees' responsibility to notify the employer of any condition that may need reasonable accommodation. It is not my job to pry into your medical records. If I am unaware of any condition, and I notice any risk in your job performance, then that gives me cause for termination. Working HR has turned me into a bitch.

[chiapet]

What Robin said. As a manager, I don't do the evaluation of whether it would impact their job performance or safety, our "Health Services" (a branch of HR) does it. If any modifications or accommodations have to be made for the employee, I'm informed of those, without being told what the underlying medical issue is. In smaller companies the manager is probably more involved, but everywhere I've worked -- even small companies -- I've been mostly kept out of the loop. They don't want to risk having a manager intentionally or unintentionally using the condition as a reason to discriminate.

The only time I've been told is when it was substance abuse and the employee had already violated the code of contact they'd signed when hired. So I was told to watch out for signs the person had come to work intoxicated. That's a tough situation because the addiction is a protected illness (ie, we would not fire someone solely for being an alcoholic or drug addict), but their manager has to report them if they violate the employment restrictions around it.

[algunz]

Then after accommodations have been deemed necessary, how much can the employer or coworkers discuss or inquire about?


Nothing I assume, but people have no concept of what confidential means.

[Robin]

The employee can discuss all he/she wants. The employer should not discuss more than what is known AND written. To err on the side of safety, I don't even discuss it at all, unless the employee wants to talk about it. Otherwise, it just gets filed and kept in the memory bank.

edit: Are you going somewhere with this? Let's say an employee discusses a condition to a superior in passing that may require reasonable accommodations, but the employer took it as just small talk with no follow up. If the employee is terminated for poor performance due to the condition, the employee can sue for discrimination and will likely win.

[algunz]

The employer should only discuss the issue with the employee asking for accommodations, right?

[Robin]

That is correct. The employee's medical information is confidential. Sometimes, the direct supervisor would have to be informed, though. HOWEVER, I have seen a lot of instances where the employee would discuss it with a coworker, and then rumors starts flying.

[amyzzz]

Yeah, just shut the fuck up to your co-workers.

[algunz]

Amen. In my profession, all the teachers do is gossip. I hated it in junior high. Why do I have to deal with it while working in junior high as an adult. So frustrating. I just close my doors and go in here.

[Robin]

That's a tough situation because the addiction is a protected illness (ie, we would not fire someone solely for being an alcoholic or drug addict), but their manager has to report them if they violate the employment restrictions around it.

This is such a difficult situation to deal with, especially if the employee already has the stigma of being an addict. People are quick to assume.
I'm still not up-to-date on my CA Laws, but I always thought the addict is protected if he/she is seeking help.

[RedHotSgtPeppers]

Hey, sorry to derail this discussion, but I have a quick dating question, and it'd be helpful to get some girls' points of view.

So there is a girl i like from school. We had a class together sophomore year. I started talking to her on fb more, and playfully said that i challenged her to Mario Kart. She said yes, but not a definitive yes on when.
So i wait a couple weeks, then ask again via a post on her wall.
She says "yeah we will figure out a time!" so I text her. She says she is not free until the weekend, as was I, but we would figure it out. Come Thursday (5 days ago), i ask again if she is free on the weekend. She says she had to work unfortunately, so i suggested Tuesday evening at about 8pm. She says "I work until Tuesdays at 8 anyways!"
Fast forward to Sunday. I ask if she is free Tuesday at 8:30. No reply. It's now Tuesday evening, and I haven't heard anything from her since Thursday.

My question is this: why do girls feel like it's acceptable behavior to agree to hang out with a guy who is clearly interested only to blow them off later? I figure this girl isn't worth any more of my time if she does shit like this, but still.

[amyzzz]

She doesn't like saying no when she means no.

[Courtney]

Hey, sorry to derail this discussion, but I have a quick dating question, and it'd be helpful to get some girls' points of view.

So there is a girl i like from school. We had a class together sophomore year. I started talking to her on fb more, and playfully said that i challenged her to Mario Kart. She said yes, but not a definitive yes on when.
So i wait a couple weeks, then ask again via a post on her wall.
She says "yeah we will figure out a time!" so I text her. She says she is not free until the weekend, as was I, but we would figure it out. Come Thursday (5 days ago), i ask again if she is free on the weekend. She says she had to work unfortunately, so i suggested Tuesday evening at about 8pm. She says "I work until Tuesdays at 8 anyways!"
Fast forward to Sunday. I ask if she is free Tuesday at 8:30. No reply. It's now Tuesday evening, and I haven't heard anything from her since Thursday.

My question is this: why do girls feel like it's acceptable behavior to agree to hang out with a guy who is clearly interested only to blow them off later? I figure this girl isn't worth any more of my time if she does shit like this, but still.

Maybe your over-eagerness turned her off. Sometimes girls just get overwhelmed when a guys messages them six times in a row -- your availability makes you less attractive. I know it's shitty, and immature, but that's sometimes the way it works with certain people.

[chiapet]

This is such a difficult situation to deal with, especially if the employee already has the stigma of being an addict. People are quick to assume.
I'm still not up-to-date on my CA Laws, but I always thought the addict is protected if he/she is seeking help.

Addictions are a tricky 'illness' to deal with. ADA covers addiction, but IIRC not ongoing drug use. FLMA can be used to address addiction, but IIRC, it requires the person to be enrolled in a treatment program. Not simply AA or NA meetings but something supervised by a health care professional. It's also complex because in a lot of situations where the condition is uncovered, it is because the employee has violated the company's code of conduct. Meaning, I would probably not know you had a drug problem unless it became apparent during your work hours. (Most companies here have you sign a policy around drug/alcohol use/possession on the premises or while performing your job). So an employee who is performing poorly due to an addiction but who is showing up at work and is sober at work, might be treated a lot differently than an employee who shows up to work intoxicated or brings drugs/alcohol to work.

When this has come up at work, HR required reports of the person's progress in treatment (these were not shared with a manager) and conditions of employment were set. For example, no absences due to drug use (absences for treatment were acceptable), they were required to take ongoing drug or alcohol tests.

It was very hands off for me. My role was to tell HR if the person missed work without a doctor's note, and to call security & HR if I thought the person was drunk/high at work.

I've had to fire people in this situation and it was really, really awful. You can imagine firing an addict doesn't go smoothly....


Edited: Obviously, I'm not in HR, so like, don't take my word for this stuff before dealing with people at your jobs.

Also CA (and any state with medical marijuana tolerance) is tough because what do you do with the person who has a medical card and shows up at work kinda stoned and reeking of pot? Heh...

[kitt kat]

My question is this: why do girls feel like it's acceptable behavior to agree to hang out with a guy who is clearly interested only to blow them off later? I figure this girl isn't worth any more of my time if she does shit like this, but still.

Dude. Guys do the exact same shit all the time.

[chairmenmeow47]

protip: hanging out does not equal marriage.

[HotHamWater]

I haven't said hello in a while, my ladies. How are you all? Good, I hope.



Sup wit them titties?

[chairmenmeow47]

i miss you!

[HotHamWater]

I miss you, too, Ivy. I need to find some time to visit you, and hang out in the hot tub while discussing our dreams and aspirations. Too bad you're out of town next Friday.


Also, massages.