Ask A Douchebag

I enjoy the thrill of the chase. You'd be surprised how many "straight" and "talented" guys turn out to be queerer then you or me. But fine, I'll leave the handholding for Mark

can using you really wash bacteria up into the fallopian tubes, causing infections that may lead to fertility problems? what if you contain a mixture of water and vinegar?

That last video was hilarious, fucking hard core unicycle people, I saw some dude trying to do Mountain Bike stunts on a Unicycle

Douchebag, have you ever sucked a cock longer than mine?

Hi a Douchebag.

i was curious. What is the ritual of passage for a Douchebag? How did it develop? Is there a secret Douchebag Society? Bush seems like a major douchbag. Is he one of your members?

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Originally Posted by apostle2

can using you really wash bacteria up into the fallopian tubes, causing infections that may lead to fertility problems? what if you contain a mixture of water and vinegar?

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Got a fertility problem, yo I'll solve it--check out my hook while the DJ revolves it.

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Originally Posted by Mr. Dylanja

Douchebag, have you ever sucked a cock longer than mine?

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Only one that wasn't bigger than yours was yours.

Dear Douchebag,

What is your favorite kind of mac and cheese? The sky is the limit, and I just can't choose.

Love,
Jared

Dear Douchebag,

I'm hungover and have to go to my niece's birthday party in a couple of hours. It's at a bowling alley. What should I do?


J.

White cheddar will show you the way. I assume we're talking about Kraft brand.

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Originally Posted by captncrzy

Dear Douchebag,

I'm hungover and have to go to my niece's birthday party in a couple of hours. It's at a bowling alley. What should I do?


J.

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Your niece is an ungrateful bitch, pass.

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Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang

White cheddar will show you the way. I assume we're talking about Kraft brand.

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Any brand, any restaurant... I have never tried white cheddar though, I always go with the thick and creamy. Thanks for the guidance.

In that case just make it yourself. Quick and easy alternative to actually baking a real dish is to just cook some pasta and when you dump it into the collander to drain it throw in plenty of butter, kosher or sea salt, fresh ground pepper, some garlic powder, some fresh ground parmesan, extra sharp cheddar, and mozzarella. Stir stir stir, eat.

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Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang

In that case just make it yourself. Quick and easy alternative to actually baking a real dish is to just cook some pasta and when you dump it into the collander to drain it throw in plenty of butter, kosher or sea salt, fresh ground pepper, some garlic powder, some fresh ground parmesan, extra sharp cheddar, and mozzarella. Stir stir stir, eat.

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Thank you sir. Particularly for the kosher/sea salt recommendation, I use normal salt far too often. It is my downfall. You have pushed me to become a better man.

Douchebags always do.

Tell me the truth about Santogold?

She's quality pop music, and I would leave your mother for either one of her backup dancers.

what's your favorite brand of douche?

Randouche.

Nice. I trust you tell the truth. I'll see her tonight.


When is it proper to spell tonight like this>>>>>>tonite?

Tonight. Read a fucking book.

tits, ass, or legs

Randouche, when will you propose to Ivy?

Gay for pay. How much?

What has been the most traumatizing event of your life? Did this have any impact on you becoming a douche?

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Originally Posted by luckyface

What has been the most traumatizing event of your life? Did this have any impact on you becoming a douche?

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Shit, way to bring out the big guns.

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Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang

I love happiness, I just hate people.

Female ejaculation is what we call "fucking gross." One wouldn't have thought that a vagina could be made to resemble a small, inverted, friendly alien even more... until it started fucking spitting at you.

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If you hadn't of missed the "Close Encounters" intro before it started spitting, you'ld probably feel differently, Douchebag.

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Originally Posted by gaypalmsprings

What's in Uranus?

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Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang

Multiple dicks.

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Have you ever considered being an enema nozzle instead?

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Originally Posted by Ardentbiscuit

If you are supposed to be an expert douchebag why can't I find you on any of these sites?

http://www.bigdouchebag.com/

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

http://www.myspacedouchebags.com/

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Maybe the douchebag is really full of shit? Lookup www.myassisfull.com or www.friendswithenemas.com. It couldn't hurt...Or, maybe it could?

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Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang

I have yet to meet a number of dicks I can't take.



It's easy to keep a job with two hands.

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In other words, he jacks off all day.

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Originally Posted by captncrzy

Who is better for a roll-Michael Jackson or Ivy?

And you can't just say Ivy because she's your current "special friend". You have to be honest.

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Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang

Meaning who's better in the sack? MJ lacks in the titties department, although he nearly rivals in the facefucking department.



Cause douchenozzle is 14 year olds' humor. Kinda like "stinkbutt."

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Ivy may be his only friend, but it's comforting to know that a ball of silly putty can keep him amused when she's not around...

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Originally Posted by amyzzz

But yours is.

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Amyzzz! You've got swollen balls!

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Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang

http://mar.baronelawyer.com/images/B...half%20gal.gif

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Shit, this puts a whole new prospective on my feelings about the douchebag...He has taste!

And, here's my question now...Douchebag, have you ever considered trying to be fresh and clean like a fieldfull of daisies, or are you destined to spend forever as acidic vinegar? I'd recommend Rosey, but that's pushing it, I know.