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cutterbutter
06-17-2012, 02:09 AM
-Why did Lisa spill her drink?

The plane she was on crashed.

-Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

-Whats orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.

-A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and its destroying his family.

-A white guy, black guy and a spanish guy jump off a building. They all die on impact and their families mourn their loss for years to come.

-Why did the Chinese man fall down the stairs? He got shot in the face.

-A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says "so what will it be this time?" The penguin doesnt answer because he is a penguin.

-A man walks into a hospital. He died two days later.

TallGuyCM
06-17-2012, 02:12 AM
I don't understand the loaf of bread part.

cutterbutter
06-17-2012, 02:17 AM
Because a loaf of bread cannot pilot a plane.



-A walk mans into a bar. Dyslexia is not funny.

Mr. Dylanja
06-17-2012, 03:03 AM
Worst ever.

sonofhal
06-17-2012, 03:17 AM
Intrigued to know how the plane piloted by a loaf of bread managed to take off.

cutterbutter
06-17-2012, 04:23 AM
You all try too hard.

SoulDischarge
06-17-2012, 07:10 AM
http://www.coachella.com/forum/search.php?searchid=1517719

RedHotSgtPeppers
06-17-2012, 07:27 AM
Why did Suzie fall off the swings?
-Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there?
-not Suzie.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey! Why the long face?" The horse does not speak English and proceeds to shit on the floor.

What's blue and smells like red paint?
-blue paint.

theklein25
06-17-2012, 11:05 AM
http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q83/oldschoolmovies498/POWRANGDINO21.jpg

gaypalmsprings
06-17-2012, 11:15 AM
http://pics.blameitonthevoices.com/022011/anti-joke_chicken1.jpg


http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/3c1/39f/562/resized/anti-joke-chicken-meme-generator-what-s-brown-and-rhymes-with-snoop-dr-dre-36e5a5.jpg


http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/memes-anti-joke-chicken1.jpg?w=590



http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/original/000/133/948/joke.jpg?1308000753

Starraven
06-17-2012, 12:24 PM
Yn38I0Y-zqg

cutterbutter
06-17-2012, 07:12 PM
Some people are with it. :thu


Why cant the TRex clap its hands? Because its extinct.

Riggins33
06-17-2012, 07:17 PM
Da Twex also has da small armz.

gaypalmsprings
06-17-2012, 07:17 PM
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.


There once was a man from Nantucket.
He was a banker.


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Subpoena.
Crap.


What do you call a 2-foot angry blue Scotsman named Max?
Max.

RedHotSgtPeppers
06-17-2012, 10:11 PM
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? Crib Death.

TallGuyCM
06-17-2012, 10:34 PM
http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/3c1/39f/562/resized/anti-joke-chicken-meme-generator-what-s-brown-and-rhymes-with-snoop-dr-dre-36e5a5.jpg

hahahahahaha, WINNER!!!!!

zenidogx
06-17-2012, 10:39 PM
I remember the first time I heard Mitch Hedberg.

cutterbutter
06-17-2012, 10:44 PM
Ive known Hedberg's stuff forever. This was spurred on by someone I follow on twitter retweeting @AntiJokeApple a bunch and me laughing a ton at 2am.

One of the worst thing ever is reading Hedberg's jokes in text. Its all about his delivery. Anything else is a disservice to his legacy.

RedHotSgtPeppers
06-17-2012, 11:14 PM
Ive known Hedberg's stuff forever. This was spurred on by someone I follow on twitter retweeting @AntiJokeApple a bunch and me laughing a ton at 2am.

One of the worst thing ever is reading Hedberg's jokes in text. Its all about his delivery. Anything else is a disservice to his legacy.

The best and truest example of Mitch is his unedited Comedy Central special. He bombs so hard for the first 10 or so minutes, but once the audience understands his humor, he kills. Fucking love Mitch.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
06-19-2012, 11:27 AM
Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Pick it up and suck its dick

amyzzz
06-19-2012, 11:51 AM
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? Crib Death.I like this one.

TickleMeElmo
06-19-2012, 01:15 PM
A man walks into a bar. He sits next to a horse and a fox. He realizes he's dreaming, wakes up and tells his wife about his dream. She ignores him and rolls over the other side. The man rolls over too and cries himself to sleep realizing his entire life is in shambles.

Dogvolta
06-19-2012, 01:42 PM
Two men, Bob and Mark, are in the woods hunting. One night in their cabin, a heavy snow storm completely traps them inside of their cabin. As a way to pass the time, Bob suggests that they play 20 questions. Mark agrees. Bob thinks to himself "Moosecock, he'll never guess moose cock"
Bob: Ok, I've got the word. Go ahead.
Mark: Ok. Is it edible?
Bob: Eh, I guess so.
Mark: Moosecock.

TickleMeElmo
06-19-2012, 01:49 PM
What do you call a black man that flies planes?

A pilot, you racist.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
06-19-2012, 01:59 PM
Q: Why couldn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
A: He was too far out

caeden
06-19-2012, 04:14 PM
Why did Suzie fall off the swings?
-Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there?
-not Suzie.

i told these to a girl at work today. she laughed. dry humor is the best

Riggins33
06-19-2012, 04:47 PM
There's two penguins in a bathtub, one asks pass the soap, the other says, what do I look like a typewriter?

TickleMeElmo
06-19-2012, 07:44 PM
A duck walks into a over 7-11 and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

gaypalmsprings
06-19-2012, 09:13 PM
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Your friend is so gay that he came out of the closet and was accepted warmly by his friends and family for who he is a human being.

A man comes home from work and find his wife in bed with another man. They realize that they have grown apart over the past few years, and start attending therapy in an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to reconnect with each other.

PlayaDelWes
06-19-2012, 10:46 PM
Q: Why couldn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
A: He was too far out
actual joke