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SoulDischarge
06-13-2012, 11:55 AM
Thread: theklein25 reviews albums (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?58270-theklein25-reviews-albums)

Review: Although built upon a strong premise and some dramatic promise in the initial posts, this thread soon reveals itself to be yet another disappointment, deflated by a turgid self seriousness that has become all too common amongst contemporary threads. Many of the high profile posters deliver phoned in performances that rely too heavily on unearned sentimentality and are lacking in spontaneity. Despite the noble efforts of a dedicated few involved to add a dash of ingenuity to what could have been a wild thrill ride of a thread, the whole thing sinks under the weight of predictable thread patterns and lack of charisma.

Spirit animal rating: hippopotamus.




And to the inevitable jackass who tries to review this thread (my money's on TomAz), notice the word "other."

insbordnat
06-13-2012, 12:11 PM
I'm waiting for the thread wherein we review other threads that review other threads.

PotVsKtl
06-13-2012, 12:15 PM
****.

nathanfairchild
06-13-2012, 12:22 PM
Thread: theklein25 reviews albums (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?58270-theklein25-reviews-albums)

Review: Although built upon a strong premise and some dramatic promise in the initial posts, this thread soon reveals itself to be yet another disappointment, deflated by a turgid self seriousness that has become all too common amongst contemporary threads. Many of the high profile posters deliver phoned in performances that rely too heavily on unearned sentimentality and are lacking in spontaneity. Despite the noble efforts of a dedicated few involved to add a dash of ingenuity to what could have been a wild thrill ride of a thread, the whole thing sinks under the weight of predictable thread patterns and lack of charisma.

unfortunately this is very accurate.

xuclarockerx
06-13-2012, 12:27 PM
let go of all expectations.

nathanfairchild
06-13-2012, 04:58 PM
i want Tommy to review the King of Limbs thread.

theklein25
06-13-2012, 05:06 PM
Can I join the secret u know what that isnt a secret now?

TomAz
06-13-2012, 08:14 PM
****.

Agreed.

Also I saw Kevin Costner at dinner tonight. I am not making this up. I am in New Orleans and a group of us went out to eat at Restaurant August and there he was, he and another gentleman, chatting at their table. He is very gray but otherwise much the same as you remember from such hits as "Bull Durham", "Field of Dreams", and "For the Love of the Game".

shakermaker113
06-13-2012, 09:23 PM
i want Tommy to review the King of Limbs thread.

we can have multiple reviews, right?

Thread: King of Limbs... (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?45667-King-of-Limbs)

Review: The moment the latest Radiohead album was announced fans had a sanctuary in which they could masturbate over it, but this thread is not a place to enjoy yourself. Filled with denial and confusion over an album that left so much to be desired the thread has become a way to enjoy disliking things. Egocentric fans pleasuring themselves through the cold reality that coachella was not actually special after all has turned obsession into near masochism. Those that still enjoy the band watch in terror as people turn something beautiful into something ugly. A valiant attempt is made to slap people in the face and bring them back to reality with a never ending series of hot female asses but the effort proves to be futile. If you ever want to give up hope this thread will suck it right out of you. It is a gathering place for those in limbo. A waiting room for hell.

Spirit animal rating: maggot infested rat carcass.

bmack86
06-13-2012, 09:42 PM
Thread:

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin A Thread About Dating (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?51923-It-Rubs-The-Lotion-On-Its-Skin-A-Thread-About-Dating)

You ever wonder what a bunch of people who frequently post on an internet message board have to say about their travails in love? No, neither did I, but this thread provides you more information than you'd ever want on the subject. We are, collectively, a neurotic, ill-equipped bunch of people who can give advice but can't take it. This thread is nominally entertaining sometimes, and occasionally provides little glimpses of insight and useful advice, but usually is just a collection of self-conscious people telling others to stop being so self-conscious.

TallGuyCM
06-13-2012, 10:04 PM
Thread:

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin A Thread About Dating (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?51923-It-Rubs-The-Lotion-On-Its-Skin-A-Thread-About-Dating)

You ever wonder what a bunch of people who frequently post on an internet message board have to say about their travails in love? No, neither did I, but this thread provides you more information than you'd ever want on the subject. We are, collectively, a neurotic, ill-equipped bunch of people who can give advice but can't take it. This thread is nominally entertaining sometimes, and occasionally provides little glimpses of insight and useful advice, but usually is just a collection of self-conscious people telling others to stop being so self-conscious.

Not to mention awful, awful advice being given to people. Clueless nerds giving advice to other clueless nerds. jackstraw is the only person in the last 10 pages or so of that thread who has even the slightest idea as to what he's talking about.

cutterbutter
06-13-2012, 10:48 PM
jackstraw is the only person in the last 10 pages or so of that thread who has even the slightest idea as to what he's talking about.

I dont really read that thread but I wanted to see the advice jackstraw had to give. This is what I came across first:

I use anal sex as an icebreaker.
I'm just going to stop looking and assume he is a genius and leading everyone in the proper direction.

God help everyone.

TallGuyCM
06-13-2012, 11:32 PM
I don't read it much either, but he's been the voice of reason a few times when it was tough stuff that people needed to hear. I swear, if there was some kind of automated response that merely said "man up and grow a pair" every time someone asked for advice, those seeking it would be infinitely better off.

cutterbutter
06-14-2012, 12:22 AM
I think people give to many fucks and try to hard. Maybe I'll go and tell them that. Maybe.

guedita
06-14-2012, 01:54 AM
Agreed.

Also I saw Kevin Costner at dinner tonight. I am not making this up. I am in New Orleans and a group of us went out to eat at Restaurant August and there he was, he and another gentleman, chatting at their table. He is very gray but otherwise much the same as you remember from such hits as "Bull Durham", "Field of Dreams", and "For the Love of the Game".
Thread: This Post

Review: While TomAZ claims to have seen Kevin Costner at dinner tonight, his emphatic insistence on the actual factual truthfulness that he saw Kevin Costner belies any sincerity to the original claim he set out to cultivate. His encounter of the experience of seeing Kevin Costner -- if one is willing enough to abandon themselves into the blatant fictionality of the endeavor -- rests mostly on the laurels of his ability to recount a handful of barely memorable Costner films. The omission of the time-honored classics such as Dances With Wolves and Tin Cup,which even the most pedantic Costner fans can agree upon, implies TomAZ's unwillingness to succumb to true fandom and respect.

Rating: An aged turtle basking in the sun out of necessity rather than unadulterated enjoyment.

TomAz
06-14-2012, 04:13 AM
No really.

mountmccabe
06-14-2012, 04:39 AM
I swear, if there was some kind of automated response that merely said "man up and grow a pair" every time someone asked for advice, those seeking it would be infinitely better off.

That advice is often - for me, at least - useless and discouraging. When I come across a chorus of "it's really easy, you just..." it makes me feel awful. If it's supposed to be so easy why can't I do it? What is wrong with me? and that is counterproductive.

Yes, I realize that this is about personality differences and that your statement will encourage some people.


I agree that Jack is usually very reasonable, though.

mountmccabe
06-14-2012, 04:41 AM
Also Cara is right, Tom. Insisting you're not lying suggests you don't believe it yourself.

RotationSlimWang
06-14-2012, 05:53 AM
Thread: Schoolio's Movie Corner

Review: While it initially started as a relatively broad and enjoyable romp through the modern cinematic world with occasional homage being paid to some seriously obscure avant-garde work, it appeared to become overrun by the weight of its own pomposity midway through the second act. Any sort of simple enjoyment to be taken away from it was lost in the sea of highfalutin meta-babble, the characters all became so hard to relate to that I found myself frequently staring at the screen and wondering, "Do these people actually like movies? And if so, why do they appear to exist in a world that bears little to no resemblance to the movies in my life?" By the end of the thread, it seemed like it had made a good case for the destruction of all movie theaters everywhere.

Spirit Animal: the head-up-its-own-assottamus.

HotHamWater
06-14-2012, 07:19 AM
Thread: King of Limbs... (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?45667-King-of-Limbs)

Review: A simple thread to discuss Radiohead’s newest album, The King of Limbs, became a fascinating and disturbing study in cognitive dissonance and the human condition. The main characters (played by suprefan, MuseRadio, and Spooks) have demonstrated the ability to, simultaneously, have permanent fun-sized erections for the band and declare almost every set list to be “average,”“sub-par,” or “god awful.” It’s easy to see the parallel that is being drawn between these characters and a neighborhood crack whore. There may have been a point in which the crack whore really loved smoking crack and sucking dicks. Then there came a point in which she just did it because it’s all she knew. Smoking crack and sucking dicks. She voluntary does those things more times than any human would even consider, yet complains every time she gets semen in her eye. Being a crack whore is also how other people know her, so she feels an obligation to live up to that identity. We all have identities that help us navigate through life. Some people choose worthwhile identities, and are not disappointments to their parents. Others give blow jobs for crack-cocaine, or have dysfunctional relationships with musicians they don’t know.

Spirit Animal: Golden Set-List Retriever

TomAz
06-14-2012, 07:49 AM
Also Cara is right, Tom. Insisting you're not lying suggests you don't believe it yourself.

I am in possession of the facts; the rest of you are merely speculating.

Spirit animal rating: dead fly on the windowsill.

xuclarockerx
06-14-2012, 07:54 AM
Thread: King of Limbs... (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?45667-King-of-Limbs)

Review: A simple thread to discuss Radiohead’s newest album, The King of Limbs, became a fascinating and disturbing study in cognitive dissonance and the human condition. The main characters (played by suprefan, MuseRadio, and Spooks) have demonstrated the ability to, simultaneously, have permanent fun-sized erections for the band and declare almost every set list to be “average,”“sub-par,” or “god awful.” It’s easy to see the parallel that is being drawn between these characters and a neighborhood crack whore. There may have been a point in which the crack whore really loved smoking crack and sucking dicks. Then there came a point in which she just did it because it’s all she knew. Smoking crack and sucking dicks. She voluntary does those things more times than any human would even consider, yet complains every time she gets semen in her eye. Being a crack whore is also how other people know her, so she feels an obligation to live up to that identity. We all have identities that help us navigate through life. Some people choose worthwhile identities, and are not disappointments to their parents. Others give blow jobs for crack-cocaine, or have dysfunctional relationships with musicians they don’t know.

Spirit Animal: Golden Set-List Retriever


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyejhWpEFtY

mountmccabe
06-14-2012, 09:34 AM
I am in possession of the facts; the rest of you are merely speculating.

Spirit animal rating: dead fly on the windowsill.

I grant that you are in possession of the facts with regards to seeing Kevin Costner what I was saying Cara was right about specifically this time was


his emphatic insistence on the actual factual truthfulness that he saw Kevin Costner belies any sincerity to the original claim he set out to cultivate.

Which I attempted to emphasize with this sentence


Insisting you're not lying suggests you don't believe it yourself.



I actually believe that you saw Kevin Costner. I would have more confidence - and others would be more likely to believe you - without the following


I am not making this up.

In a reverse Thou Dost Protest Too Much, Methinks sort of way.

PlayaDelWes
06-14-2012, 10:22 AM
Thread:The Reckoner and Rebellion (Lies) (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?22487-The-Reckoner-and-Rebellion-(Lies))

After searching long and hard, I’ve found no other thread ties together debate around the greatest song of all time, Randy’s screen play he was about to shoot in Spring of ’09, homophobic references to Arizona, and a relentless MissingPerson who like a horse with blinders on, does not derail from said Arcade Fire topic in this or it’s failed sequel thread Fuck Reckoner and Fuck Rebellion (lies)... (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?22504-Fuck-Reckoner-and-Fuck-Rebellion-(lies))Miraculously, the crack whores stayed out of the debate letting Rebellion and A Day in the Life battle it out. But, like a cliffhanger, the certificate (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?22504-Fuck-Reckoner-and-Fuck-Rebellion-(lies)&p=751799&viewfull=1#post751799)for greatest song ever wasn't presented until the latter thread.

Rating: A monogamous pair of turkey vultures feasting on various roadkill.

caeden
06-14-2012, 01:18 PM
Thread: This Post

Review: While TomAZ claims to have seen Kevin Costner at dinner tonight, his emphatic insistence on the actual factual truthfulness that he saw Kevin Costner belies any sincerity to the original claim he set out to cultivate. His encounter of the experience of seeing Kevin Costner -- if one is willing enough to abandon themselves into the blatant fictionality of the endeavor -- rests mostly on the laurels of his ability to recount a handful of barely memorable Costner films. The omission of the time-honored classics such as Dances With Wolves and Tin Cup,which even the most pedantic Costner fans can agree upon, implies TomAZ's unwillingness to succumb to true fandom and respect.

Rating: An aged turtle basking in the sun out of necessity rather than unadulterated enjoyment.

finally finishing your thesis?

TallGuyCM
06-14-2012, 02:38 PM
Thread: King of Limbs... (http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?45667-King-of-Limbs)

Review: A simple thread to discuss Radiohead’s newest album, The King of Limbs, became a fascinating and disturbing study in cognitive dissonance and the human condition. The main characters (played by suprefan, MuseRadio, and Spooks) have demonstrated the ability to, simultaneously, have permanent fun-sized erections for the band and declare almost every set list to be “average,”“sub-par,” or “god awful.” It’s easy to see the parallel that is being drawn between these characters and a neighborhood crack whore. There may have been a point in which the crack whore really loved smoking crack and sucking dicks. Then there came a point in which she just did it because it’s all she knew. Smoking crack and sucking dicks. She voluntary does those things more times than any human would even consider, yet complains every time she gets semen in her eye. Being a crack whore is also how other people know her, so she feels an obligation to live up to that identity. We all have identities that help us navigate through life. Some people choose worthwhile identities, and are not disappointments to their parents. Others give blow jobs for crack-cocaine, or have dysfunctional relationships with musicians they don’t know.

Spirit Animal: Golden Set-List Retriever

BEST

http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/1292223254212-dumpfm-mario-Obamaclap.gif

SoulDischarge
06-14-2012, 05:37 PM
But crack whores don't suck dick for the fun of it . . .

HotHamWater
06-14-2012, 08:46 PM
They do at first.

xuclarockerx
06-14-2012, 08:55 PM
RIP Propecia

Miroir Noir
06-14-2012, 08:59 PM
The nation's paper of record adds veracity to Tom's Kevin Costner sighting in New Orleans. (http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2012/06/14/us/ap-us-gulf-oil-spill-costner-lawsuit.html)

SoulDischarge
06-14-2012, 10:21 PM
They do at first.

The timeline is sucking not very many dicks in general -> trying crack -> liking crack -> getting addicted to crack -> life gets taken over by crack -> no more shame/dignity -> dick sucking becomes acceptable means of obtaining money for crack -> no pleasure, no pain, no emotions, only crack. Feel free to adjust this to fit your Radiohead metaphor though.

TallGuyCM
06-14-2012, 10:59 PM
Close enough.

TomAz
06-15-2012, 03:43 AM
Thread: This Post

Review: While TomAZ claims to have seen Kevin Costner at dinner tonight, his emphatic insistence on the actual factual truthfulness that he saw Kevin Costner belies any sincerity to the original claim he set out to cultivate. His encounter of the experience of seeing Kevin Costner -- if one is willing enough to abandon themselves into the blatant fictionality of the endeavor -- rests mostly on the laurels of his ability to recount a handful of barely memorable Costner films. The omission of the time-honored classics such as Dances With Wolves and Tin Cup,which even the most pedantic Costner fans can agree upon, implies TomAZ's unwillingness to succumb to true fandom and respect.

Rating: An aged turtle basking in the sun out of necessity rather than unadulterated enjoyment.

http://todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/06/14/12227646-kevin-costner-defeats-stephen-baldwin-in-court?lite

mountmccabe
06-15-2012, 06:20 AM
The reality of the situation does not matter; your odd sculpting and packaging of that reality is the matter at hand.

fikus222
06-15-2012, 07:34 AM
Agreed.

Also I saw Kevin Costner at dinner tonight. I am not making this up. I am in New Orleans and a group of us went out to eat at Restaurant August and there he was, he and another gentleman, chatting at their table. He is very gray but otherwise much the same as you remember from such hits as "Bull Durham", "Field of Dreams", and "For the Love of the Game".


NEW ORLEANS—

A jury ruled in favor of Kevin Costner and against the lawsuit brought by actor Stephen Baldwin.

Baldwin and another business partner wanted $17 million from Costner.

They said he hid the details of a multi-million dollar deal with BP.

They sold their stock in Costner's company that sold oil and water separation devices.

The jury deliberated for about two hours Thursday night before deciding Baldwin and his partner deserved no money.

Costner said he never settled the case because his name means more than his money.

Attorneys for Baldwin say the bigger celebrity won.

http://www.abc26.com/news/local/wgno-jury-rules-in-favor-of-kevin-costner-20120614,0,3205526.story?hpt=hp_t2

guedita
06-15-2012, 07:35 AM
The TomAZ saw Kevin Costner Conspiracy Rages On

Miroir Noir
06-15-2012, 07:44 AM
Kevin Coster's second act in life is profiting off of the cleanup of massive environmental disasters. I guess that's better than directly profiting off of companies that cause massive environmental disasters. Or making another post-apocalyptic fantasy movie that will run on TNT at 3:00 am for the rest of eternity.

fikus222
06-15-2012, 07:51 AM
Costner's company actual makes some pretty legit equipment and supplies.

One of my classmates from UWs School of Marine Affairs is a Coast Guard Commander and was responsible for some of the Gulf clean-up and had nothing but good things to say about Costner's Company's equipment. Costner is pretty cool too. When I was in the Coast Guard, I met him while working his security detail at an event on Coast Guard Island in Alameda. He was nice and very appreciative of the job we do/did.

TallGuyCM
06-15-2012, 10:59 AM
Tom really failed by not also tracking down Stephen Baldwin and finding out whether he's ever going to make Fled 2.

Gribbz
06-15-2012, 11:02 AM
I would have asked him why he's the only actor not speaking with an English accent in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

stinkbutt
06-15-2012, 11:06 AM
Or Bio Dome 2, he could poke fun at Kevin Costner's scandalous BPing

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
06-15-2012, 11:09 AM
I recently read an article where his accent caused quite a bit of fights between him and the director

MissingPerson
06-15-2012, 05:50 PM
I haven't been around much lately, but this thread serves to remind me why I keep coming back.

...

I should save that for the review of this thread thread though, sorry for being OT.

algunz
06-15-2012, 06:21 PM
I don't like Kevin Costner.