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casey
06-07-2012, 02:36 PM
I know there are a lot of parents on here and I didn't see a thread for this already. This is the place where we can talk about parenting and children. Share stories about your kids, get advice from other parents, let out your frustrations or gush about your kids here.

casey
06-07-2012, 02:38 PM
So, my boyfriend has an 8-year-old son. He is pretty good for the most part at home but has been getting into arguments with a couple of other kids at school, usually regarding sports. It got to the point where he has gotten a few things at school taken away and now I get a report every day about his behavior. The report is usually good, but the main issues that keep coming up are refusing to talk to his teachers, arguing, and/or saying things in a negative or harsh tone.

He has gotten some stuff taken away (TV, video games), we've tried the talking approach, we've tried the writing sentences approach, and I'm out of ideas! Parents, what should we try next?

santasutt
06-07-2012, 02:56 PM
My son, troubled middle-child like myself, graduates HS tonight.

Off to USC School of Cinematic Arts in the Fall, a long, long way from home.

stinkbutt
06-07-2012, 02:57 PM
Throw him in a dark closet for awhile, every hour or so hose him down.

No, seriously this is difficult. I have found what works best is finding the root of the problem (hardest part) and trying to fix that. I mean there is obviously something bothering him other than just he isn't happy with the result of his work, it is just getting him to tell you that is hard.

Grandma
06-07-2012, 03:01 PM
I have a cat

casey
06-07-2012, 03:14 PM
My son, troubled middle-child like myself, graduates HS tonight.

Off to USC School of Cinematic Arts in the Fall, a long, long way from home.
Congratulations! Are you sad that he's going so far away? That's such a good school to get into, I hope you are proud. :)



No, seriously this is difficult. I have found what works best is finding the root of the problem (hardest part) and trying to fix that. I mean there is obviously something bothering him other than just he isn't happy with the result of his work, it is just getting him to tell you that is hard.


I ask him or trying to figure out what's going on but I'm not really getting anywhere. I forget sometimes that kids don't really know a lot of emotions or how to describe how they are feeling. I don't know how to get them to open up other than waiting for a time when he feels safe and bringing it up calmly. Sometimes that works, but not always. And sometimes I don't always bring it up in a calm situation, but I try my best.

TomAz
06-07-2012, 03:15 PM
the main issues that keep coming up are refusing to talk to his teachers, arguing, and/or saying things in a negative or harsh tone.

Sounds like he'd fit in great on this board.

Dogvolta
06-07-2012, 03:16 PM
So, my boyfriend has an 8-year-old son, we all live together and his mom is out of the picture. Right now, he is going crazy! He is pretty good for the most part at home but has been getting into arguments with a couple of other kids at school, usually regarding sports. When he gets into these arguments, the teachers try to have "peace talks" with him and the other kid and he sometimes refuses to have the talk until his teachers give him the option to either a) have the talk or b) see the principal. It got to the point where he now can't play soccer for the rest of the year when his class plays during class game time (I think there were maybe 6 games left in the year when this happened) and now I get a report every day about his behavior. The report is usually okay, but the main issues that keep coming up are refusing to talk to his teachers, arguing, and/or saying things in a negative or harsh tone.

Yesterday he got in trouble at school because his art teacher wanted him to take his project home and, because he wasn't happy with the project, he told her he wanted to throw it away. She told him to take it home and let his parents see it and then if he didn't want it he could throw it away. He argued with her and said he didn't want to keep it, but ended up taking it and crumpling it up when he left art class and throwing it away back in his regular class. I think it's his prerogative to throw his art away if he wants, but it's not okay for him to disrespect his teacher. I don't really know how to correct it. He has gotten some stuff taken away (TV, video games), we've tried the talking approach, we've tried the writing sentences approach, and I'm out of ideas! Parents, what should we try next?

Maybe there are some deep rooted issues related to his mother being "out of the picture" and his father bringing home a stranger...?
Seriously though, you act like the kid is the problem. Seems that it is FAR more common that the problem is (at least originates) from the parents, not the child caught in the middle of a broken home.

casey
06-07-2012, 03:23 PM
Maybe there are some deep rooted issues related to his mother being "out of the picture" and his father bringing home a stranger...?
Seriously though, you act like the kid is the problem. Seems that it is FAR more common that the problem is (at least originates) from the parents, not the child caught in the middle of a broken home.

Oh, I'm sorry if it came across that I think he is the problem. I don't, but I don't really know what the problem is. I'm definitely willing to accept that it has to do with his "broken home" and am looking for advice on how to reach out to him to bridge the gap. His mom passed away when he was a baby, and we talk about her whenever he wants. I was introduced to him and have gotten to know him slowly. It's not like I was just a stranger who popped up out of nowhere, but I definitely think there could be some issues because of me being in the picture. That being said, he is pretty good at home and we don't have a lot of issues there. For the most part he listens at home and is a great kid. The issues keep coming up at school, and because it has gotten to the point where the teacher has to continually talk to us we've had to give some sort of punishment/discipline at home for his behavior at school.

stinkbutt
06-07-2012, 03:26 PM
Dogvolta: the classiest

Dogvolta
06-07-2012, 03:27 PM
Oh, I'm sorry if it came across that I think he is the problem. I don't, but I don't really know what the problem is. I'm definitely willing to accept that it has to do with his "broken home" and am looking for advice on how to reach out to him to bridge the gap. His mom passed away when he was a baby, and we talk about her whenever he wants. I was introduced to him and have gotten to know him slowly. It's not like I was just a stranger who popped up out of nowhere, but I definitely think there could be some issues because of me being in the picture. That being said, he is pretty good at home and we don't have a lot of issues there. For the most part he listens at home and is a great kid. The issues keep coming up at school, and because it has gotten to the point where the teacher has to continually talk to us we've had to give some sort of punishment/discipline at home for his behavior at school.

Well then, for what its worth, I admire and respect your efforts. And I imagine that if your love and care for him drive your efforts, good will come of it :thu

EastLos01
06-07-2012, 03:41 PM
If we can get personal here, how involved is the father in the picture? You've mentioned your approach, but what's his? No disrespect to your part in the equation, but sometimes a kid won't want to take something home because he doesn't think that his parent will care.

Also, how does the kid view you? As a Step mom, a Mother figure, as his dads girlfriend? You also have to know what your role in the whole situation is. What is your authority to discipline, reward, talk to...

I've dealt with kids that age for years now, and no two kids are the same. You would have to ask yourself some of these questions before you can move forward. Also ask yourself where you see yourself going in the relationship,as far as if you see yourself heing in his life permanently.

sorry if its a bit too deep.

casey
06-07-2012, 03:58 PM
If we can get personal here, how involved is the father in the picture? You've mentioned your approach, but what's his? No disrespect to your part in the equation, but sometimes a kid won't want to take something home because he doesn't think that his parent will care.

Also, how does the kid view you? As a Step mom, a Mother figure, as his dads girlfriend? You also have to know what your role in the whole situation is. What is your authority to discipline, reward, talk to...

I've dealt with kids that age for years now, and no two kids are the same. You would have to ask yourself some of these questions before you can move forward. Also ask yourself where you see yourself going in the relationship,as far as if you see yourself heing in his life permanently.

sorry if its a bit too deep.

His dad is really involved, and talks to him about everything, too. His dad is more relaxed than me and tends to keep things in perspective. I know he is frustrated because we feel like we've tried everything to get him to behave at school, but he does a good job of not showing it.

You know, I'm not exactly sure how his son sees me. He used to tell people I was his stepmom when they asked, but for my birthday he made me a card and wrote "mom" on it, and told me that he calls me that at school now because "it's easier and shorter to say". At home he calls me by my first name. I definitely see myself in his life permanently. Things between his dad and I are great, and I love his son very much. I have as much authority as his dad does, but I try not to make decisions about anything without talking to his dad first because I never want to overstep boundaries.

What kind of work do you do with kids? I don't really want this whole thread to be about me!

EastLos01
06-07-2012, 04:12 PM
I've been coaching kids between 6-12 since '95. I coach local kids from the projects and lower income families where sad to say, more that half the time, the kids come from broken homes. I see alot of rebelion and it always seems to start at about 8. Being a strong family unit is the best thing you and your Boyfriend can offer the child. Support and discipline should come hand in hand. Be just as quick with punishment, as you are with reward.

Also dont take so lightly the fact that he called you mom. He might have been embarrased or didn't know how you would react to it, which is why he gave you a reason as to why he wrote it. If ya want message me so you won't feel like you're hijacking this thread.

algunz
06-07-2012, 06:15 PM
Thank you EastLos, I was going to add the praise and reward element. It shouldn't be bribery. It's recognition of successes, not you'll get this if you do this. Kids from a "broken" home (I use quotes because it doesn't sound like his home is broken. It just needs some adjustments like any home does.) often have a hard time in school. Working within a system of rules is not always natural. Have these problems been ongoing or have they started to become more prevelant recently? You mentioned that he is pretty good at home. What do you all do at home when he argues or talks back?



My current issue with Izzy is her eating habits. She can eat pasta, chicken nuggets, or quesadillas until the cows come home. How do I get her to eat and enjoy veggies? The other day I told her you have to finish your broccoli or you can't have any dessert. I saw her gagging on it and I felt so guilty. I immediately remembered those moments when I felt forced to eat something and it just made me hate it all the more. It took me years to eat tomatoes because of this, and now I don't know how I lived without them.



And great idea for a thread!!!!!

Courtney
06-07-2012, 06:21 PM
Yes, good thread.

I'm not a parent, but I do oversee a handful of educational programs for children ages 7-12, so I sometimes am involved with issues -- especially disciplinary stuff that has some sort of possible legal component. I hope you guys don't mind if I occasionally come in here to ask for parents' perspectives on stuff.

algunz
06-07-2012, 06:23 PM
Please, a non-parental perspective would be just as useful.

marooko
06-07-2012, 06:24 PM
Well would you look at that, a thread similar to one I've been considering.

Any foster parents on this board? We're gonna be looking in to fostering in the next year or so and I was looking to chat with other foster parents, preferably on this board. (Don't want to highjack or sidetrack the thread, so let me know if this topic is too specific, I'll move it along elsewhere.

Gunz, have you tried the melted cheddar with the broccoli? No idea how it tastes, but the kids on the commercials seem to really dig it. Also, spicy (though she's probably too young), I eat a lot of veggies I don't really enjoy when they're properly spiced up.

algunz
06-07-2012, 06:26 PM
Wow, I have such respect and appreciation for foster parents. That has got to be one of the toughest jobs in the world.

marooko
06-07-2012, 06:31 PM
.............

algunz
06-07-2012, 06:39 PM
Yes Maroo, Izzy usually drowns it in parmesan. I have that book by Seinfeld's wife about sneaking veggies into food, but you have to puree so much stuff. It seems like so much work. I guess that may be the problem right there. It's easier for me to give in and just get her to eat something. Well, I'm heading in to summer where I have more time to get creative.

blackchango
06-07-2012, 07:43 PM
That's funny I was hoping someone would start a thread on parenting. I've been having some issues with my nine month old not being able to sleep through the night. She's been waking up every hour on the hour for the past 4 days. On a good night she'll wake up maybe two times in the middle of the night and one of those times is for feeding. Leaving my wife and I sleep deprived and snappy at each other. I started doing some research online and noticed that all you can pretty much do is either let them cry it out or rockem to sleep every night. Neither of which option is getting us any sleep. I said to myself "man if only there was a thread" Hallelujah!!!!

santasutt
06-07-2012, 07:49 PM
Congratulations! Are you sad that he's going so far away? That's such a good school to get into, I hope you are proud. :)

Yes and Yes, we are proud.

But, with summer internships being so important toward getting a foothold in "the industry." I doubt we'll see him much except for Christmas break. Gotta let him try to make his own way, right?

santasutt
06-07-2012, 08:04 PM
Oh, I'm sorry if it came across that I think he is the problem. I don't, but I don't really know what the problem is. I'm definitely willing to accept that it has to do with his "broken home" and am looking for advice on how to reach out to him to bridge the gap. His mom passed away when he was a baby, and we talk about her whenever he wants. I was introduced to him and have gotten to know him slowly. It's not like I was just a stranger who popped up out of nowhere, but I definitely think there could be some issues because of me being in the picture. That being said, he is pretty good at home and we don't have a lot of issues there. For the most part he listens at home and is a great kid. The issues keep coming up at school, and because it has gotten to the point where the teacher has to continually talk to us we've had to give some sort of punishment/discipline at home for his behavior at school.


Maybe the problem is not at home but at school. Is there a certain kid or kid with whom he always argues about sports?

Is he being ganged-up on? Maybe a bad fit with this teacher. It happens. Keep pouring on the love at home and see what the summer brings. Keep him engaged about goals for the coming school year getting his input how school might be better for him.

And throw out the video game console. (Sorry, my old school bias.)

disgustipated
06-07-2012, 08:15 PM
good thread.

I am three weeks into my first child and so far it's the toughest thing i've ever had to do, but at the same time the most rewarding. Today was the actual due date but the Dr. rushed my girlfriend in for an emergency c-section during a check up due to a condition called Vasa Previa. Vasa Previa is a complication defined as


fetal vessels crossing or running in close proximity to the inner cervical os. These vessels course within the membranes (unsupported by the umbilical cord or placental tissue) and are at risk of rupture when the supporting membranes rupture. This is rarely confirmed before delivery but may be suspected when antenatal sono-gram with color-flow Doppler reveals a vessel crossing the membranes over the internal cervical os. The diagnosis is usually confirmed after delivery on examination of the placenta and fetal membranes.Most often the fetus is already dead when the diagnosis is made; because the blood loss constitutes a major bulk of blood volume of the fetus.

I got the call at work (two hours away)and rushed to the hospital barely making it in time to be in the room for the procedure. After delivery our doc told me that we were really lucky that she caught it because most of the time it goes undiagnosed until it's too late. She said that if our check up was on Monday instead of Friday we would have definitely lost the baby and more than likely lost both of them. Everything worked out fine, though, and mother and baby are perfect.

The biggest problem right now is that she has us up most of the night. That is a huge problem for me since I work two jobs. I have been going on 2-3 hours of sleep a night ,at best, for the past two weeks.

fatbastard
06-07-2012, 08:44 PM
I know there are a lot of parents on here and I didn't see a thread for this already. This is the place where we can talk about parenting and children. Share stories about your kids, get advice from other parents, let out your frustrations or gush about your kids here.

Where do you see this relationship going?

Dogvolta
06-08-2012, 12:35 AM
...

And throw out the video game console. (Sorry, my old school bias.)

Blasphemy

stinkbutt
06-08-2012, 01:03 AM
My current issue with Izzy is her eating habits. She can eat pasta, chicken nuggets, or quesadillas until the cows come home. How do I get her to eat and enjoy veggies? The other day I told her you have to finish your broccoli or you can't have any dessert. I saw her gagging on it and I felt so guilty. I immediately remembered those moments when I felt forced to eat something and it just made me hate it all the more. It took me years to eat tomatoes because of this, and now I don't know how I lived without them.

My son does this with fruits and veggies, the only way I am able to get him to eat stuff is by making a stock of it or pureeing it and putting it in sauces or drinks. I do give him children's vitamins to try to make up some of the difference. I have just come to terms he is a meat and potatoes kid.

locachica73
06-08-2012, 06:35 AM
Casey, I agree with the rewards conversation, when my kids were really young, before the whole teenage insanity, I had them in a charter school which I liked a lot more than the normal public school, they had a much better teacher to child ratio and each child got the attention they needed. One thing they did was give them a rewards card, if you got so many stickers you got to have ice cream or a pizza party or something like that. My kids were on top honor roll through the 6th grade. Then I moved them to public school and it all went downhill from there. The school they went to had a lot more kids, and the teachers only reacted to the negative and never rewarded the positive. I look back now and wish I had never moved them to the new school. I am not saying you need to change schools, but maybe get a reward policy going at home. So many days without any negative responses from teachers and he gets his favorite meal, or a movie night, etc. Taking things away from my kids never really worked and only caused them to be more angry and frustrated.

As for picky kids, my son was the pickiest of eaters. I have no real answer for that one, other than what I served for dinner was what he got, if he didn't eat it he often went to bed hungry. He is 18 now (well in 17 days) and he is just now realizing how good food is with icky green stuff in it.

With that said, not sure how good my advice is, you were all around for the insane teen years so take my advice with a grain of salt.

locachica73
06-08-2012, 07:57 AM
That's funny I was hoping someone would start a thread on parenting. I've been having some issues with my nine month old not being able to sleep through the night. She's been waking up every hour on the hour for the past 4 days. On a good night she'll wake up maybe two times in the middle of the night and one of those times is for feeding. Leaving my wife and I sleep deprived and snappy at each other. I started doing some research online and noticed that all you can pretty much do is either let them cry it out or rockem to sleep every night. Neither of which option is getting us any sleep. I said to myself "man if only there was a thread" Hallelujah!!!!

Is your daughter on the baby cereal stuff yet? Kids usually wake up in the middle of the night because they are hungry. Sometimes it helps if you mix a little baby cereal into their night time bottle, they sell nipples for bottles that have larger holes for the cereal to pass through. My doctor recommended I do that with my son earlier than typically recommended for the same reason.

PlayaDelWes
06-08-2012, 08:17 AM
About a month ago, my 9 year-old daughter started asking about seeing the movie Jack and Jill. I immediately squished the thought of this idea she clearly picked up in the public school system. The request came up a couple more times and I always contained it by explaining how movies like that “make us dumber” and “alienate our friends”.

On my way out the door one night last week, I was explaining to our babysitter (a new one) that “they really shouldn’t need to watch TV tonight as the weather is nice, etc…”. I didn’t even bother leaving the 4 digit Apple TV code. Upon my return, she explains how she was a pushover all night and mentions they watched a couple movies and a dozen or so previews. The next morning my daughter explains that one of them was Jack and Jill. I was furious and felt betrayed. “If you’re not going to listen to my advice on important matters at 9, how are you going to make it through your teens without moving to the Coachella valley and becoming a meth addict”…stuff like that.

Even more puzzling was how the hell did they watch Jack and Jill in the first place. So, I navigate to Jack and Jill on Apple TV and instead of a rental button, there is just the “Play” button. None of the other movies on iTunes have “Play” buttons, just rental or buy buttons. My thought is that it’s the ONLY free movie on iTunes; it’s that bad. I joke with the wife and explain to my daughter that it’s so bad, nobody is willing to pay for it, and they have to give it away for free in order for people to watch it.

Fast forward to last night when I just by chance see a PURCHASE for Jack and Jill on my iTunes account. Apparently, the latest version of Apple TV firmware wiped out the parental password and they purchased a bunch of other terrible movies willy nilly that night. We are proud owners of this masterpiece.

Unfortunately, the statute of limitations for prosecuting nine year-olds and babysitters for this type of crap is about 1-2 days. Instead, I think I have a nice overview queued up on movie distribution and the differences between watching them in a theater, on TV, renting them, and buying them. And when she’s 15 or so, I’ll just garnish the cost out of her allowance or first paycheck.

Courtney
06-08-2012, 08:22 AM
That sounds like a crappy babysitter.

Miroir Noir
06-08-2012, 08:34 AM
Jack and Jill: 3% on Rotten Tomatoes, $150 million box office. I hate to admit it, but Wes is right: there is something wrong with our public schools.

Tubesock Shakur
06-08-2012, 08:41 AM
fZa7hU6tP_s&feature

marooko
06-08-2012, 09:12 AM
Your 5 year old steals ten dollars from the drawer you have the rent money in. He's nowhere to be found, initially. When you find him he's got a new toy and a bag of candy. After questioning, he confesses to the crime.....what's your punishment? Pretend it's 1983, so you might actually spank the child.

locachica73
06-08-2012, 09:17 AM
Cut off his hand... duh

I would probably take some of his toys and tell him I am going to sell them to the neighbors to make up the money. I would probably just hide them though and give them back later, because I don't know how to be mean.

My daughter got caught shop lifting at Walmart when she was 15ish, she tried to take some makeup and underwear. I use to spoil my kids when it came to clothes, always getting them the $60+ jeans, I didn't want them to grow up being made fun of because they didn't wear the cool clothes. After she got caught I told her to pick out some clothes from the walmart clearance rack, since she loved walmart so much I was going to get her a couple outfits and donate all of her good clothes to people who appreciated them more. She had a full on freak out session and vowed never to shoplift again.

PlayaDelWes
06-08-2012, 09:19 AM
Your 5 year old steals ten dollars from the drawer you have the rent money in. He's nowhere to be found, initially. When you find him he's got a new toy and a bag of candy. After questioning, he confesses to the crime.....what's your punishment? Pretend it's 1983, so you might actually spank the child.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cKdDDZL7Bbo/Tex0riXyl4I/AAAAAAAAC4s/MnMi3mLPAXw/s1600/cover.jpg

keeshonjohnson
06-08-2012, 09:33 AM
Your 5 year old steals ten dollars from the drawer you have the rent money in. He's nowhere to be found, initially. When you find him he's got a new toy and a bag of candy. After questioning, he confesses to the crime.....what's your punishment? Pretend it's 1983, so you might actually spank the child.

How is your 5 year old going shoping without you?

EastLos01
06-08-2012, 09:35 AM
Your 5 year old steals ten dollars from the drawer you have the rent money in. He's nowhere to be found, initially. When you find him he's got a new toy and a bag of candy. After questioning, he confesses to the crime.....what's your punishment? Pretend it's 1983, so you might actually spank the child.

I'm asking this is in all seriousness... Does your 5 year old know that its not right to steal? Some things have to be taught. If not, it would prob be best to let him know that stealing is bad. Remember he is 5 and doesn't understand certain concepts. I'm totally for a good spanking, but not as an initial reaction. If he doesnt know he's doing something wrong, he'll just start to rescent(sp?) you.

Robin
06-08-2012, 09:35 AM
How is your 5 year old going shoping without you?

Corner store?

You should sign the kid up for that show "Scared Straight."

casey
06-08-2012, 09:45 AM
Thank you EastLos, I was going to add the praise and reward element. It shouldn't be bribery. It's recognition of successes, not you'll get this if you do this. Kids from a "broken" home (I use quotes because it doesn't sound like his home is broken. It just needs some adjustments like any home does.) often have a hard time in school. Working within a system of rules is not always natural. Have these problems been ongoing or have they started to become more prevelant recently? You mentioned that he is pretty good at home. What do you all do at home when he argues or talks back?
My current issue with Izzy is her eating habits. She can eat pasta, chicken nuggets, or quesadillas until the cows come home. How do I get her to eat and enjoy veggies? The other day I told her you have to finish your broccoli or you can't have any dessert. I saw her gagging on it and I felt so guilty. I immediately remembered those moments when I felt forced to eat something and it just made me hate it all the more. It took me years to eat tomatoes because of this, and now I don't know how I lived without them.
And great idea for a thread!!!!!

Thanks. Does Izzy like any veggies? When I was younger I would only eat broccoli and carrots, so my parents gave them to me all the time. And yeah, the cheese/ranch/dressing thing normally works. Good luck!

When Andy talks back or misbehaves at home we usually first give him a warning and the whole "it's not about what you're saying, it's about how you're saying it. I think you can find a better way to tell us how you're feeling" line. That usually works, but if he continues to act up we send him to his room to cool off. If it's something more serious, like if he broke a rule or lied to us or something, we have this paper that he fills out and then talks to us about. It has a few questions: "What happened?", "What can I do differently next time?", and "Who else did this effect and how do you think it made them feel?" Once he fills out the paper we talk about it and move on. My parents were super strict and would never have done this, though. Their idea of punishment was making me sit on the couch and not talk to anyone for an hour, and if I fell asleep or talked I would have to start my time over.



Any foster parents on this board? We're gonna be looking in to fostering in the next year or so and I was looking to chat with other foster parents, preferably on this board. (Don't want to highjack or sidetrack the thread, so let me know if this topic is too specific, I'll move it along elsewhere.

No, this is perfect for this thread. I don't have any experience fostering but I think it takes a lot of guts and compassion! Best of luck to you, and let us know how it goes.


Casey, I agree with the rewards conversation, when my kids were really young, before the whole teenage insanity, I had them in a charter school which I liked a lot more than the normal public school, they had a much better teacher to child ratio and each child got the attention they needed. One thing they did was give them a rewards card, if you got so many stickers you got to have ice cream or a pizza party or something like that. My kids were on top honor roll through the 6th grade. Then I moved them to public school and it all went downhill from there. The school they went to had a lot more kids, and the teachers only reacted to the negative and never rewarded the positive. I look back now and wish I had never moved them to the new school. I am not saying you need to change schools, but maybe get a reward policy going at home. So many days without any negative responses from teachers and he gets his favorite meal, or a movie night, etc. Taking things away from my kids never really worked and only caused them to be more angry and frustrated.

Andy goes to a charter school (this is his first year there) and I think that could be part of the "problem". I say that because the school is very small and they do pay really close attention to every kid, so you hear about everything that happens with the kid. My boyfriend keeps saying that in a regular public school he we wouldn't hear about every spat he has. He says boys will be boys, especially when it comes to sports, and that while he knows we have to discipline him so he knows the behavior isn't acceptable, he doesn't expect it to fully go away. The whole "not responding to teachers" thing is another issue that just kind of popped up recently so I'm hoping that is just a phase, but am still trying to work on reminding him that he needs to listen to his teachers.

casey
06-08-2012, 09:49 AM
That sounds like a crappy babysitter.

Really. It's funny that Wes thought it was the only free movie on iTunes, though. That's the same conclusion I think I would have drawn.

marooko
06-08-2012, 09:49 AM
How is your 5 year old going shoping without you?


I'm asking this is in all seriousness... Does your 5 year old know that its not right to steal? Some things have to be taught. If not, it would prob be best to let him know that stealing is bad. Remember he is 5 and doesn't understand certain concepts. I'm totally for a good spanking, but not as an initial reaction. If he doesnt know he's doing something wrong, he'll just start to rescent(sp?) you.

The 5 year old was hiding, he knew what he did. He also lied about where he "found" the money, initially.



Corner store?

You should sign the kid up for that show "Scared Straight."
Yes.




No, this is perfect for this thread. I don't have any experience fostering but I think it takes a lot of guts and compassion! Best of luck to you, and let us know how it goes.


.

PlayaDelWes
06-08-2012, 09:53 AM
Any foster parents on this board? We're gonna be looking in to fostering in the next year or so and I was looking to chat with other foster parents, preferably on this board. (Don't want to highjack or sidetrack the thread, so let me know if this topic is too specific, I'll move it along elsewhere. Totally missed this. Well, we're not exactly foster parents right now, but we were foster parents for a year before we officially adopted our two daughters. We did it through the County of Ventura and were certifed for a few years including the first year they were in our home.

Would be more than happy to answer questions or provide insight about the process.

HowToDisappear
06-08-2012, 10:10 AM
Maybe the problem is not at home but at school. Is there a certain kid or kid with whom he always argues about sports?

Is he being ganged-up on? Maybe a bad fit with this teacher. It happens. Keep pouring on the love at home and see what the summer brings. Keep him engaged about goals for the coming school year getting his input how school might be better for him.

And throw out the video game console. (Sorry, my old school bias.)

I agree with this (except for throwing out the game console). Since you don't have problems at home, there's something going on at school. Being bullied, bad fit with the teacher are possibilities. At eight, he's also at the age where, if he's a very bright boy, and the teacher is an idiot, he'll recognize that and start pushing against institutional authority.

I know as working parents this is tough to manage, but at the elementary school level, I always suggest being a classroom volunteer at least once or twice a month. I did it once a week, but I worked graveyard, and was home during the day (I just lost sleep on those days). The kids - meaning ALL the kids - become used to your presence - and you get a first hand view of how the kids interact and of how that teacher runs the classroom. It can be VERY enlightening, and not always in a good way. Being an active part of the school also puts the teachers and administration on notice. Know what's happening in your child's class and it will help you to advocate for your child more fully.

westcoastpirate
06-08-2012, 10:40 AM
That's funny I was hoping someone would start a thread on parenting. I've been having some issues with my nine month old not being able to sleep through the night. She's been waking up every hour on the hour for the past 4 days. On a good night she'll wake up maybe two times in the middle of the night and one of those times is for feeding. Leaving my wife and I sleep deprived and snappy at each other. I started doing some research online and noticed that all you can pretty much do is either let them cry it out or rockem to sleep every night. Neither of which option is getting us any sleep. I said to myself "man if only there was a thread" Hallelujah!!!!

Our daughter will be 2 at the end of the month, and she still doesn't sleep through the night. In the middle of May, she slept 4 nights all the way through. My wife and I were pumped, but then she got sick shortly after and it went back to waking up at least once in the night and it's been that way since. But I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel! We're not cry-it-out types so it's been very hard.

Lefty
06-08-2012, 10:55 AM
Our daughter will be 2 at the end of the month, and she still doesn't sleep through the night. In the middle of May, she slept 4 nights all the way through. My wife and I were pumped, but then she got sick shortly after and it went back to waking up at least once in the night and it's been that way since. But I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel! We're not cry-it-out types so it's been very hard.
We have two kids, ages 6 and 18mo. It took us a while before tried letting our daughter cry-it-out when she was younger, but it worked like a charm after a couple rough nights. We didn't wait so long with our son, and he's sleeping 10-12 hours straight each night. No one wants to hear their kid crying, but it doesn't last long, and it's tough to be a good parent when you're totally sleep deprived, too.

HowToDisappear
06-08-2012, 11:10 AM
I would not expect a nine month old to sleep through the night, especially if she's still feeding (but I breast fed). Ours didn't sleep through until they were one and a half, when we did the cry-it-out thing (which only lasted a night or two and then it was over).

Waking up every hour on the hour seems excessive though; is she uncomfortable in some way? Too hot? Too cold? Not feeling well, etc.? The problem with babies is they can't tell you anything, so you've got to go through this laundry list of possible reasons until you run out of ideas and end up a pile of sleep-deprived frustration every night. I do sympathize.

blackchango
06-08-2012, 11:26 AM
Is your daughter on the baby cereal stuff yet? Kids usually wake up in the middle of the night because they are hungry. Sometimes it helps if you mix a little baby cereal into their night time bottle, they sell nipples for bottles that have larger holes for the cereal to pass through. My doctor recommended I do that with my son earlier than typically recommended for the same reason.

We've been adding the cereal stuff to her solids since we started her on them. The doctor suggested that it would be a good way to get some iron in her diet. Unfortunately we can't add the cereal to her night time feedings because she breast feeds. Man if only! Great suggestion though, thanks!

locachica73
06-08-2012, 11:38 AM
It's funny how things change in parenting from decade to decade, when my kids were babies, almost 2 decades ago ACK, they said no solid foods till a year.

The waking up every hour does seem a like a lot, does she wake up crying, it could be a tummy ache/gas. My daughter had a hard time with that. My mother taught me to give her a little pepperment candy, I bottle fed so I would desolve a piece in water and give it to her in a bottle. It really helped a lot when she got collicky (sp?).

blackchango
06-08-2012, 11:40 AM
I would not expect a nine month old to sleep through the night, especially if she's still feeding (but I breast fed). Ours didn't sleep through until they were one and a half, when we did the cry-it-out thing (which only lasted a night or two and then it was over).

Waking up every hour on the hour seems excessive though; is she uncomfortable in some way? Too hot? Too cold? Not feeling well, etc.? The problem with babies is they can't tell you anything, so you've got to go through this laundry list of possible reasons until you run out of ideas and end up a pile of sleep-deprived frustration every night. I do sympathize.

Our theory is that she's probably popping out a few more teeth. The puzzling thing though is that this didn't happen when her first two bottom teeth came out. We constantly check the evening low time temperatures as well so that we can prepare the appropriate jammy attire for her. Just to make sure she's comfy and not too hot or cold at night. I guess it time to bust out the Hyland's.

marooko
06-08-2012, 11:46 AM
Totally missed this. Well, we're not exactly foster parents right now, but we were foster parents for a year before we officially adopted our two daughters. We did it through the County of Ventura and were certifed for a few years including the first year they were in our home.

Would be more than happy to answer questions or provide insight about the process.


I guess my biggest concern about the process is potentially dealing with people that would come across as jaded. I do things because I care about them and get discouraged/angry dealing with people who don't seem to care. I'm afraid that's the majority of people I'm gonna deal with. Not really sure where I got the idea, but I have it. This isn't in reference to the kids. How was your experience in reference to peoples attitude about their work?

PlayaDelWes
06-08-2012, 11:54 AM
I guess my biggest concern about the process is potentially dealing with people that would come across as jaded. I do things because I care about them and get discouraged/angry dealing with people who don't seem to care. I'm afraid that's the majority of people I'm gonna deal with. Not really sure where I got the idea, but I have it. This isn't in reference to the kids. How was your experience in reference to peoples attitude about their work?
I'm very confused on your concern? There is a lot of preparatory work to become a foster parent and everyone was very supportive throughout the process. By the time children are placed with you, you are prepared.

blackchango
06-08-2012, 11:55 AM
It's funny how things change in parenting from decade to decade, when my kids were babies, almost 2 decades ago ACK, they said no solid foods till a year.

The waking up every hour does seem a like a lot, does she wake up crying, it could be a tummy ache/gas. My daughter had a hard time with that. My mother taught me to give her a little pepperment candy, I bottle fed so I would desolve a piece in water and give it to her in a bottle. It really helped a lot when she got collicky (sp?).

Yeah not really crying just more on the fussy side. You're right on with the whole parenting thing though and how it seems to fluctuate every few years. My wife has a whole stack of parenting books and print outs of stuff she's looked up online. Sometimes I think she maybe goes a little overboard. I joke around with her and tell her to imagine what people from indigenous tribes do. They just let their babies slop around in the mud all day and plop out their boob when baby get's hungry. They don't spend countless hours with their nose in a book or looking stuff up online. Anyhow yeah I'm thinking it either fart issues or teeth.

HowToDisappear
06-08-2012, 12:29 PM
You and your wife should watch the documentary Babies. It's no longer on Netflix, but it is on iTunes. It follows the lives of four babies: American, Japanese, Mongolian, and Masai. It concentrates almost solely on the babies themselves; you see very little of the adult caretakers. It's absolutely hilarious and charming and enlightening (especially with how the Masai and Mongolian kids are raised). Totally recommend.

It's easy to get caught up in what the books say you ought to be doing and second guess your own instincts. So it's good that you remind her to relax about it and not take everything she reads to heart. Sometimes new moms just need to be reassured that they're doing the right thing, even if it's not by the book.

EastLos01
06-08-2012, 01:35 PM
The 5 year old was hiding, he knew what he did. He also lied about where he "found" the money, initially.



Well Let him know his fear is warrented in the best way you can. Try to use spanking as last line of defense though for two reasons. Eventually they'll grow tolerant of pain. Growing up I started growing into the mentality that if I'm gonna get my ass kicked anyway, I might as well make it worth my while. 2nd they'll start to do things out of fear rather than because it genuinely is the right thing to do. That'll never teach them to be a good human being, just how to avoid getting an ass bruisin.

I hope I wrote that the way it sounded in my head.

Pixiessp
06-08-2012, 01:53 PM
You and your wife should watch the documentary Babies. It's no longer on Netflix, but it is on iTunes. It follows the lives of four babies: American, Japanese, Mongolian, and Masai. It concentrates almost solely on the babies themselves; you see very little of the adult caretakers. It's absolutely hilarious and charming and enlightening (especially with how the Masai and Mongolian kids are raised). Totally recommend.

It's easy to get caught up in what the books say you ought to be doing and second guess your own instincts. So it's good that you remind her to relax about it and not take everything she reads to heart. Sometimes new moms just need to be reassured that they're doing the right thing, even if it's not by the book.

I loved that movie.

Tubesock Shakur
06-08-2012, 02:13 PM
I have a cat

I carry a picture of mine on my phone.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
06-08-2012, 02:18 PM
About a month ago, my 9 year-old daughter started asking about seeing the movie Jack and Jill. I immediately squished the thought of this idea she clearly picked up in the public school system. The request came up a couple more times and I always contained it by explaining how movies like that “make us dumber” and “alienate our friends”.


You what Wes? Kids like terrible movies. it's just a fact. I watched an insane amount of wretched garbage when i was a kind, and i fucking loved it, and watched them over and over again. it doesn't make people stupid.

greghead
06-08-2012, 02:19 PM
I loved that movie.

Me too. I enjoyed that the San Francisco parents took their daughter to some weird tribal, faux-spiritual chanting class for babies (attended solely by caucasians, naturally), while the babies actually growing up in small tribal societies just sat around and played in the dirt. I also found it interesting that the Masai child seemed to develop so much more quickly (necessity of their environment?) while the more slowly developing American & Japanese babies had all the gimmicky developmental toys in their cushy home environment.

HowToDisappear
06-08-2012, 02:32 PM
The SF kid making a beeline for the door was the most hilarious part of that scenario.

But I disagree that the American and Japanese kids developed more slowly. All the kids seemed developmentally on target and quite bright; they just got there through different means. The Japanese baby having a meltdown was not only the funniest part of the whole movie for me, it was fascinating to watch. That kid was WAY smart. Her brain knew what to do; she was just too young to have the fine motor skills to do what she wanted, and she lost her temper. And what a temper she had.

Grandma
06-08-2012, 03:21 PM
I carry a picture of mine on my phone.

this is the background on mine. appropriately enough the fucker bricked as I was typing out this response.

http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t39/RetardoTronFiveThousand/1330434932149.gif

algunz
06-08-2012, 04:06 PM
Babies was one of my favorite movies of 2010.

Casey, Izzy will eat broccoli, carrots, corn, peas, lettuce, and green beans. But only small servings. I guess she's getting more than some kids, but being someone who eats more veggies than meat it is irksome. I do give her chewy vitamins too. So, I shouldn't worry too much.


Another question . . .

What do you do with a child that is hypersensitive and already too self critical? I can see Izzy puts a lot of pressure on herself to be perfect. She'll get upset if her drawing isn't exactly how she wants it or if she misses one word on her spelling test. I don't think I'm the one who puts these expectations on her. How can I help her accept and embrace her little imperfections?

santasutt
06-08-2012, 04:27 PM
Babies was one of my favorite movies of 2010.

Casey, Izzy will eat broccoli, carrots, corn, peas, lettuce, and green beans. But only small servings. I guess she's getting more than some kids, but being someone who eats more veggies than meat it is irksome. I do give her chewy vitamins too. So, I shouldn't worry too much.


Another question . . .

What do you do with a child that is hypersensitive and already too self critical? I can see Izzy puts a lot of pressure on herself to be perfect. She'll get upset if her drawing isn't exactly how she wants it or if she misses one word on her spelling test. I don't think I'm the one who puts these expectations on her. How can I help her accept and embrace her little imperfections?


http://youtu.be/T5g7sy1OXnM

Big Bird usually had a good answer.....

algunz
06-10-2012, 09:34 AM
Awesome. Thank you. I showed it to Izzy and she's been singing it to herself ever since.

BTW, I hate it when I step on my J. :)

disgustipated
06-10-2012, 01:46 PM
What are everyones thoughts on letting a baby "cry it out"? it's an important topic of discussion in our house right.now.

santasutt
06-10-2012, 02:05 PM
What are everyones thoughts on letting a baby "cry it out"? it's an important topic of discussion in our house right.now.

How old we talking here? Infants usually cry for a good reason.

algunz
06-10-2012, 07:05 PM
Disgustipated, when does the crying usually happen? Going to bed or waking up at night?

locachica73
06-10-2012, 07:21 PM
My kids slept with me for years because I could never handle the cry it out part. Good luck!

Courtney
06-11-2012, 06:46 PM
Jesus parents be crazy. I just had a mom go from screaming at the top of her lungs to losing her breath from screaming to sobbing uncontrollably. Because her child was not placed in the same work-group today as her friend. I am exhausted from repeating "I understand your concern" ad infinitum. I am one more tantrum away from throwing her child out of the program, but it seems unfortunate to penalize the kid for the mom being insane.

I vow that if I am ever a mom, I will never ever try to insist that my kid is put in the same group as another kid. Children are allowed to have more than one friend. In fact, it may even be beneficial for them. Crazier things have happened.

JustSteve
06-11-2012, 09:03 PM
Our elementary school sent home a letter basically telling parents to not dare ask for a specific teacher next year or to have their child placed with a friend. It was pretty shitty to be talked to like that, the tone was basically "shut the fuck up and deal with it". Don't blame the school, but they could have worded it a bit nicer. So many entitled parents and money around that I guess they have been pushed over the edge.

CaseSensitive
06-11-2012, 10:07 PM
What are everyones thoughts on letting a baby "cry it out"? it's an important topic of discussion in our house right.now.

Nate, my 5 year old, didn't sleep through the night until he was 1. And it took a lot of work but I couldn't let him full on cry it out. He had colic early on and we ended up having him sleep in our bed because sleep deprivation was making me crazy. Anyway, when I transitioned him out of our bed (he still didn't sleep through the night even in our bed) I placed him in his crib in his nursery and would go in everyone now and again and pat his bottom and walk out. But never spoke, just let him know I was there. It took three nights, each one was easier than the previous, but we had success!

CaseSensitive
06-11-2012, 10:22 PM
Jesus parents be crazy. I just had a mom go from screaming at the top of her lungs to losing her breath from screaming to sobbing uncontrollably. Because her child was not placed in the same work-group today as her friend. I am exhausted from repeating "I understand your concern" ad infinitum. I am one more tantrum away from throwing her child out of the program, but it seems unfortunate to penalize the kid for the mom being insane.

I vow that if I am ever a mom, I will never ever try to insist that my kid is put in the same group as another kid. Children are allowed to have more than one friend. In fact, it may even be beneficial for them. Crazier things have happened.

Ah man. My son is starting Kindergarten and I have a friend who was upset at me for deciding on a school that is out of her zoning because her daughter really wanted to go to school and be in the same class as my son. I think that is nuts to want your child to be in a friend's class like that. I think that being forced to make new friends builds character and social skills. I can't believe a mom would yell at you over something like that!

keeshonjohnson
06-12-2012, 09:15 AM
I work in a school. I can tell you 100% that it is in your child's best interest to let the teachers create the classes and not the parents! You may know who your child's best friend is outside of school, but that doesn't mean you know how they work together in a classroom setting!
I am the secretary and my kids go to this school. I do not try to influence the teachers in any way. I trust them to make classes that work for all the indivduals.

CaseSensitive
06-12-2012, 11:03 AM
I work in a school. I can tell you 100% that it is in your child's best interest to let the teachers create the classes and not the parents! You may know who your child's best friend is outside of school, but that doesn't mean you know how they work together in a classroom setting!
I am the secretary and my kids go to this school. I do not try to influence the teachers in any way. I trust them to make classes that work for all the indivduals.

Exactly! This is the same friend who would tell me, "I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but Nate had to go in the thinking chair today in preschool. But my daughter said it wasn't his fault." I told her, "Uh, I respect their teacher and if she put him in the thinking chair then it probably was his fault. Nate confessed to talking on the rug when the teacher was talking." She told me, "Oh, okay. You know me, I just always have to give kids the benefit of the doubt." Uh, not five year olds who have an awesome teacher. I was going to be a teacher so I probably got more annoyed with her than I should have, but give me a break. Yeah, exactly why I don't want her to put her kid in my kid's class on purpose.

*disclaimer: It should be noted that I make shitty parenting moves daily and I am not better than my friend and I am sure she has stories she tells her husband about things I do. :D

casey
06-12-2012, 11:15 AM
^HAHA. I really hate when parents excuse their child's behavior and/or always take the side of their kids and blame the teachers. I also dislike when people expect their child to be given special treatment. I don't know what happens to people (especially moms) when they have babies, but it turns some into such crazy people.

CaseSensitive
06-12-2012, 11:24 AM
So, my boyfriend has an 8-year-old son. He is pretty good for the most part at home but has been getting into arguments with a couple of other kids at school, usually regarding sports. When he gets into these arguments, the teachers try to have "peace talks" with him and the other kid and he sometimes refuses to have the talk until his teachers give him the option to either a) have the talk or b) see the principal. It got to the point where he has gotten a few things at school taken away and now I get a report every day about his behavior. The report is usually okay, but the main issues that keep coming up are refusing to talk to his teachers, arguing, and/or saying things in a negative or harsh tone.

I don't really know how to correct it. He has gotten some stuff taken away (TV, video games), we've tried the talking approach, we've tried the writing sentences approach, and I'm out of ideas! Parents, what should we try next?

This might be silly for his age (I have two younger boys 5 and 2), but what about some kind of reward chart/system for when he has good days at school? He gets some sort of point each day and can redeem them for ______ when he has so many? On the positive side, at least he has enough self confidence to stick up for himself and voice his opinion? Of course we all have to learn how to adapt in different social environments and he will too, but I think that it will be a good personality trait in the future.

A book I love is called, "How to Behave and Why" originally published in the 40s. It is great because it explains why should behave well very simply. In a nutshell, it basically breaks it down to knowing if you are behaving correctly by asking yourself, "When I go somewhere, are people glad that I am there? Am I glad to be there?"

And also, I think it's great that he has you in his life. I can tell you really care about him.

casey
06-12-2012, 11:29 AM
This might be silly for his age (I have two younger boys 5 and 2), but what about some kind of reward chart/system for when he has good days at school? He gets some sort of point each day and can redeem them for ______ when he has so many? On the positive side, at least he has enough self confidence to stick up for himself and voice his opinion? Of course we all have to learn how to adapt in different social environments and he will too, but I think that it will be a good personality trait in the future.

A book I love is called, "How to Behave and Why" originally published in the 40s. It is great because it explains why should behave well very simply. In a nutshell, it basically breaks it down to knowing if you are behaving correctly by asking yourself, "When I go somewhere, are people glad that I am there? Am I glad to be there?"

And also, I think it's great that he has you in his life. I can tell you really care about him.
You know, I told my boyfriend the same thing (about speaking up and not being passive). I told Andy that it's okay to express that he doesn't think games are being played fairly, but he has to learn how to express that without being mean. Teaching tone to a child is kind of hard! I will look into the book and order it...it's worth a shot! We are trying the reward system now. He is leaving to visit his grandparents next week when school gets out, so I'm hoping all he needs is a little break from school and LA and that he will come back ready for a fresh start.

Courtney
06-12-2012, 11:47 AM
The crazy parent came up to me this morning and gave me a hug and apologized. Ok. I respect that she had the maturity to apologize, but I'm not convinced this whole thing isn't going to happen again tomorrow when something else makes her unhappy.

PlayaDelWes
06-12-2012, 12:04 PM
Our 9 year old daughter continues to wet her bed. It won't happen for a few months and then all of the sudden it happens several times in a week. Any of you kids wet your beds into your preteens? Does this ever stop? Should we pull the trigger on a bedwetting alarm? Does it just eventually go away?

guedita
06-12-2012, 12:27 PM
What the fuck is a bedwetting alarm? I say invest in the bedwetting taser gun.

PlayaDelWes
06-12-2012, 12:39 PM
Already tried the electric blanket. Wires were too insulated to wake her up.

marooko
06-12-2012, 12:42 PM
^WTF?! Maybe the belt is the next answer.


Our 9 year old daughter continues to wet her bed. It won't happen for a few months and then all of the sudden it happens several times in a week. Any of you kids wet your beds into your preteens? Does this ever stop? Should we pull the trigger on a bedwetting alarm? Does it just eventually go away?

I have no advice for situations like this. I got the belt if I wet the bed, the belt that seemingly only existed to whoop my ass. I don't think I ever saw my Dad wear it. Well, other than around his hand. But I think there are medical issues in this department. Not sure if medical would be the right term, but some people do just wet the bed, it's an issue they have. I have no idea why. My cousin wet the bed well into his teens. Not sure what happened after a while, it was just never spoken of again. Don't know if it was over with, or the jokes and shit talking made it stay quiet.

guedita
06-12-2012, 12:44 PM
I spent my childhood sleeping strapped into an electrically charged gurney.

paulb
06-12-2012, 03:19 PM
Our 9 year old daughter continues to wet her bed. It won't happen for a few months and then all of the sudden it happens several times in a week. Any of you kids wet your beds into your preteens? Does this ever stop? Should we pull the trigger on a bedwetting alarm? Does it just eventually go away?

Is she nervous about something? Drinking lots of water? Dehydrated? That was the telling sign for me that I was becoming a diabetic when I was 8 years old. I also had a spell once of lying to my parents about doing my blood tests and inventing good results when they asked about it, that I wet the bed for a few nights in a row, and then I got caught making up my blood sugar numbers, then got the belt all over me... and never had the problem again.

marooko
06-12-2012, 03:26 PM
The answer.

http://www.photo-dictionary.com/photofiles/list/924/2509belt.jpg
Maybe a pink one won't make it seem so harsh.

casey
06-12-2012, 03:27 PM
Man, you guys really got beaten with belts? My mom went the public embarrassment & shame route when I was a kid instead.

Gribbz
06-12-2012, 03:28 PM
I spent my childhood sleeping strapped into an electrically charged gurney.

I split my head open on one of those alphabet magnet boards when I was kid... the doctors had to put me in a straightjacket in order to stitch me up.

Fun times.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
06-12-2012, 03:35 PM
my mom threatened hitting when she got really frustrated but never actually hit us. She had paddles and hairbrushes and stuff and would smash them into tables and stuff and then lock herself in her room.

casey
06-12-2012, 03:48 PM
HAHA. My mom would just come up with punishments like "couch grounding", which basically meant she would make me sit on the couch for a set period of time (usually an hour) without talking or falling asleep. If I did either one I had to start over. I hated it.

paulb
06-12-2012, 03:54 PM
That certainly sounds interesting. With my 17 month old son Henry, when he starts trying to walk behind the tv, or putting his hands on a wobbly flat screen we have to raise our voice and tell him to get away from there, its tough to know what the right option is, when to try and slap his hand or whatever, if it warrants something like that, or just pull him away, but then he goes back immediately. Whats a correct discipline for a 17 month old?

disgustipated
06-12-2012, 09:22 PM
any time my dad took his belt off, I knew there was nothing I could do to stop him from shooting heroin.

marooko
06-12-2012, 10:17 PM
Man, you guys really got beaten with belts? My mom went the public embarrassment & shame route when I was a kid instead.

Absolutely. My mom had the thin whip type belts and my dad had the thick leather belt.

As for the thieving 5 year old, it was me. I was asked to put out the hand I stole the money with and it was whipped with a belt. But that was after being threatened with the iron. My mom is now embarrassed about the story and feels bad, but I take it as lesson learned. Know that if we're ever hanging out and your money is missing, it most definitely was not me who stole it.

westcoastpirate
06-12-2012, 10:19 PM
I worked in a call center years ago doing hotel reservations. A woman called to make a reservation and I heard a child in the background screaming, "No, mommy I promise I'm sorry!" The mother replied to the child something along the lines of, "Nope, sorry, that was your last chance, you're going in there", and I hear a door shut. The woman returned to me on the phone and told me when her son acts out she makes him go in the garage with the door shut because he can't stand it in there.

I thought it was brilliant...borderline child abuse, but brilliant.

JustSteve
06-12-2012, 11:34 PM
That certainly sounds interesting. With my 17 month old son Henry, when he starts trying to walk behind the tv, or putting his hands on a wobbly flat screen we have to raise our voice and tell him to get away from there, its tough to know what the right option is, when to try and slap his hand or whatever, if it warrants something like that, or just pull him away, but then he goes back immediately. Whats a correct discipline for a 17 month old?

17 months is tough. My advice is to secure the tv to a wall and cover up the cords with some safety device, one of these times you guys will have your back turned and bad things will happen. Better to prevent. Have a 6 and 3 1/2 year old and the most we've done is spank hands if t was serious enough. Stern voice and timeouts have always worked wonders for us, always have to get down to their level and ask for an explantation of what they did that got them in trouble and how they will avoid it in the future. They are 2 of the best behaved kids around. Never a mention of any big problems when left with family members or friends, which I feel is the best way to decipher results. It's how they act when they aren't with us. They do have their moments, though, oh they have their moments.

They do tend to act up a bit when I am in the hospital. We are very close and being ripped out of their lives takes a toll. Can't really fault them for acting out since they don't know how to process what they are feeling. It is the hardest thing I deal with, being away from them. Thank god for nightly FaceTime sessions. They get to see daddy is ok and I get to hear them laugh. My son was up here when I came out of surgery the other day and I heard he did not react well to seeing me so out of it. Babysitter couldn't watch him since it was moved up the night before, we were kinda sol. We really have a tight relationship. He's 3 1/2 and I am there with him all day every day since he is not in school yet. the last 2 times I have come into the hospital he has ended up sick within a day. We honestly believe it is from stress and a broken heart.

Daughter is 6 and miss independent right now. The way she deals with me being gone is just being quiet. Kind of like she doesn't want to interact with sick daddy, which is hard, but I'm not gonna push her. We all have our ways of dealing.

sames44
06-13-2012, 08:14 AM
What are everyones thoughts on letting a baby "cry it out"? it's an important topic of discussion in our house right.now.

your baby is 3 weeks old? can I PM you what worked for me, or do you guys want to create a private social parenting group?

JustSteve
06-13-2012, 12:39 PM
That's funny I was hoping someone would start a thread on parenting. I've been having some issues with my nine month old not being able to sleep through the night. She's been waking up every hour on the hour for the past 4 days. On a good night she'll wake up maybe two times in the middle of the night and one of those times is for feeding. Leaving my wife and I sleep deprived and snappy at each other. I started doing some research online and noticed that all you can pretty much do is either let them cry it out or rockem to sleep every night. Neither of which option is getting us any sleep. I said to myself "man if only there was a thread" Hallelujah!!!!

At 9 months old we still let our kids sleep in bed with us when they were having a rough night. They would wake up, realize where they were and how cozy the we're, and fall right back asleep. Even at 6 and 3 1/2 we still don't mind if the climb into bed with us in the middle of the night. We know one day it will end so why not enjoy every close moment we can? Our daughter at 6 maybe comes to snuggle once every couple weeks, our 3 1/2 year old son is once or twice a week. He will clImb between us and then chose one to wrap his arms around. He's a spooner.

amyzzz
06-13-2012, 12:42 PM
I have little dogs for bed-snuggling. Our bed isn't big enough for kids too. But that does sound nice, Steve.

JustSteve
06-13-2012, 12:47 PM
It's gone be a mess when I get home. While in the hospital both kids sleep in bed with my wife. I come home being told by the little ones that I can sleep in one of their beds.

locachica73
06-13-2012, 12:48 PM
When I divorced my husband I use to have the kids sleep with me for my own comfort, which was a horrible idea. When I finally started dating someone my kids had complete meltdowns when they couldn't sleep with me. It was definitely hard on my dating life. My daughter is almost 20 and she still likes to snuggle with her mommy.

amyzzz
06-13-2012, 12:53 PM
I wouldn't mind snuggling with my girls even when they are older. We snuggle watching movies on TV sometimes. :) They just don't sleep in my bed.

Robin
06-13-2012, 12:55 PM
My mom is smaller than me. She doesn't like it when I try to snuggle with her and squish her. She usually slaps me on top of my head and say "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" but in an Asian accent.

casey
06-13-2012, 12:59 PM
When I divorced my husband I use to have the kids sleep with me for my own comfort, which was a horrible idea. When I finally started dating someone my kids had complete meltdowns when they couldn't sleep with me. It was definitely hard on my dating life. My daughter is almost 20 and she still likes to snuggle with her mommy.

It's really weird for the person you're dating, too. I let it happen because it doesn't occur frequently enough to be an issue, and I figure I can get over being uncomfortable with it for a little bit and move on. It's harder for a kid to get over the rejection of me telling him to get out of bed, especially when his dad would let him do it before I came around. When my boyfriend and I first slept in the same bed it happened more frequently but he was much younger than. It's like Steve says, they grow out of it.

locachica73
06-13-2012, 01:07 PM
It's definitely weird for the other person. My ex husband and I had tried to reconcile at one point and my daughter had such a meltdown when she encountered my locked door that Tony ended up leaving. Whew, dodged that bullet. Thanks Alysha! :)

EastLos01
06-20-2012, 01:36 PM
what's worse is that my boyfriend's son is 8 and loves the heat (he just got into basketball last year and loves lebron) so he was soooo excited while i was sitting there crushed. i tried to support his love of basketball, though.

I had to bring this over from the NBA thread when I read this. Its great to be supportive of his love of the game, but there is nothing wrong with a lil family rivalry.
:thu

Plus... props to you for putting your own love of one team to the side to support his.

Courtney
06-27-2012, 07:09 PM
Why do parents always put car seats on the passenger side of the backseat? It seems like it would be so much mire convenitto put them on the driver side so you wouldn't have to walk around the car to load/unload.

disgustipated
06-27-2012, 07:10 PM
Easier to see them in the rear view mirror. At least for me it is.

keeshonjohnson
06-27-2012, 07:26 PM
Also, much easier to pass them things while driving.

algunz
06-27-2012, 09:39 PM
And that is usually curb side.

PlayaDelWes
06-28-2012, 09:02 AM
Why do parents always put car seats on the passenger side of the backseat? It seems like it would be so much mire convenitto put them on the driver side so you wouldn't have to walk around the car to load/unload.
When you drop kids off at a curb at school, many schools make the kids get out on the curb side. In general it's safer dealing with a kid on that side. It's also easier to have a conversation with someone diagonal vs. tandem. Also, more room behind passenger seat if nobody is in it.

locachica73
06-28-2012, 09:06 AM
Also, much easier to pass them things while driving.

Yep, I remember driving down the freeway at 70mph while reaching back and searching for binkys and shaking rattles to calm my kids down. It's a lot easier to do when they are on the passenger side. I was also probably putting my makeup on at the same time. I was an awesome multi-tasker. (scary)

gazercmh
06-28-2012, 09:15 AM
And if you're tall and have the driver's seat all the way back, it's hard to fit the car seat behind it.

PlayaDelWes
06-28-2012, 09:20 AM
Today was crazy hair day at camp. Both of my daughters were extremely excited about using this streaky hair dye. This morning they were a little slow, goofed off a little while getting ready, and I certainly didn’t remind them to speed things up. It was time to go and they were heartbroken they didn’t have time to dye their hair.

Usually I’m all about rewarding positive behavior and while this wasn’t exactly punishing bad behavior, I still feel bad they had to learn about time management this way. Had they showered, dressed, ate, brushed teeth quickly, they would have had plenty of time to work on the crazy hair.

Was I right to purposely stand back and let them do their thing, knowing they wouldn’t have time for the dye, or should I have been more active in pushing them along their morning routine?

locachica73
06-28-2012, 09:27 AM
I would have probably commented at some point that if they don't hurry they won't get to crazy up the hair. Especially if it was something they were really looking forward to previously. Then again, I was way too easy going on my kids so my opinion is probably not worth much. My kids still have horrible time management skills and I am trying to teach lessons at 18 + 20, don't do that.

algunz
06-28-2012, 09:29 AM
Yea, I would have said something at some point. Kids are not always as aware as the rest of us.

guedita
06-28-2012, 10:03 AM
Your daughters are both crying in the bathroom right now and no one will eat lunch w/them.

amyzzz
06-28-2012, 10:11 AM
I would have told them to hurry up.

paulb
06-28-2012, 10:12 AM
Why do parents always put car seats on the passenger side of the backseat? It seems like it would be so much mire convenitto put them on the driver side so you wouldn't have to walk around the car to load/unload.

Lol, you must not have any kids.... all the replies are dead on. Nothing worse than the kid crying and you cant reach behind you to give them their pacifier if they are seated behind the driver.

Courtney
06-28-2012, 10:18 AM
Ha, no kids. It makes sense now.

captncrzy
06-28-2012, 10:23 AM
What are everyones thoughts on letting a baby "cry it out"? it's an important topic of discussion in our house right.now.

I read / saw something on this topic recently. You should never do it; it leads to feelings of abandonment later on.

Courtney
06-28-2012, 10:24 AM
Today was crazy hair day at camp. Both of my daughters were extremely excited about using this streaky hair dye. This morning they were a little slow, goofed off a little while getting ready, and I certainly didn’t remind them to speed things up. It was time to go and they were heartbroken they didn’t have time to dye their hair.

Usually I’m all about rewarding positive behavior and while this wasn’t exactly punishing bad behavior, I still feel bad they had to learn about time management this way. Had they showered, dressed, ate, brushed teeth quickly, they would have had plenty of time to work on the crazy hair.

Was I right to purposely stand back and let them do their thing, knowing they wouldn’t have time for the dye, or should I have been more active in pushing them along their morning routine?

It depends how old they are. I work with kids ages 7-12 mostly, and I probably wouldn't remind a 12 year old because she is developmentally mature enough to be able to know on her own what the repercussions are of goofing off. However, a 6 or 7 year old may not be mature enough to have cognitively developed the ability to understand and think through cause-result scenarios, unless they have been explicitly given rules to follow.


Your daughters are both crying in the bathroom right now and no one will eat lunch them.

hahahahaaaa

JustSteve
06-28-2012, 10:32 AM
I read / saw something on this topic recently. You should never do it; it leads to feelings of abandonment later on.

at a certain point it is necessary, though. it is amazing how after that one time of crying it out they are able to self soothe and fall back asleep on their own after just a few minutes of fussing. algunz posted an article on facebook a couple days ago about an american woman living in paris and the difference in how kids are raised between the 2 cultures. one example was how their kids could sit quietly through a 3 course meal, yet her kid who she raised the "american" way could barely make it through the aperitif.

captncrzy
06-28-2012, 11:03 AM
There are ways to teach them to self-soothe without leaving them in there alone to scream by themselves, though.

algunz
06-28-2012, 11:09 AM
I read / saw something on this topic recently. You should never do it; it leads to feelings of abandonment later on.

Those feelings of abandonment often translate to overly needy children.

Steve, I agree there has to come a point, but 45 minutes of crying is very different than 15 minutes and of course the age of the child is a big factor also.

amyzzz
06-28-2012, 11:14 AM
I think that it should be up to the parent to decide. If you can't handle being around the crying child anymore and feel like you could hurt the child in your frustration, leave the child to cry and take a time-out.

guedita
06-28-2012, 11:44 AM
My Dad just just put thimbles of whiskey in my mouth whenever I cried as a baby and I grew up without any abandonment issues or alcoholic tendencies.

york707
06-28-2012, 07:29 PM
at a certain point it is necessary, though. it is amazing how after that one time of crying it out they are able to self soothe and fall back asleep on their own after just a few minutes of fussing. algunz posted an article on facebook a couple days ago about an american woman living in paris and the difference in how kids are raised between the 2 cultures. one example was how their kids could sit quietly through a 3 course meal, yet her kid who she raised the "american" way could barely make it through the aperitif.

Over time (almost 13 months), we can now tell when a cry is one that she can be left alone with and will be able to fall back asleep with, and when it is something that needs some intervention, either just saying hi and rubbing her back or sometimes picking her up and rocking her back down.

Our daughter was colicky for the first 10 weeks, and that sucked balls. Then she got out of it. Since then, she has been good at sleeping, with teething being the main thing that has interrupted her generally good sleeping habits. Sometimes constipation, other times god only knows.

york707
06-28-2012, 07:35 PM
Easier to see them in the rear view mirror. At least for me it is.

This

JustSteve
06-29-2012, 12:05 PM
So, vaccinations? I am becoming more and more hesitant to continue with the kids. Looking at the schedule nowadays and what it was in the late 70's when I was shot up is astounding. We went with our own schedule when our kids were born/younger. No way I was letting them inject 6 different ones in one sitting, especially within months of being born. We have limited it to 2 at a time at most even with the pressure of the doctors. When our kids were born we denied the hep b shot given at birth. why is it necessary if there are no risk factors? I am kinda over our "take this pill, get this shot, $$$ society" when it comes to healthcare, much of it based on my own health issues/experiences.

My sister just had a kid and for now they are holding off on any vaccinations. I don't fault her for it because really what is the hurry? Her husbands brother had a horrible reaction when he was a kid that made a huge impression on them. When she had my niece last month the pediatrician who saw them in the hospital called them horrible, selfish parents right to their faces the day after she was born when they made their desires known. I want to punch that fucking doctor in the face for having the gall to do so. So yeah

JustSteve
06-29-2012, 12:08 PM
Over time (almost 13 months), we can now tell when a cry is one that she can be left alone with and will be able to fall back asleep with, and when it is something that needs some intervention, either just saying hi and rubbing her back or sometimes picking her up and rocking her back down.

Our daughter was colicky for the first 10 weeks, and that sucked balls. Then she got out of it. Since then, she has been good at sleeping, with teething being the main thing that has interrupted her generally good sleeping habits. Sometimes constipation, other times god only knows.

Read a study about colic and how it doesn't exist in some tribal cultures. The reason they determined is because the newborn is basically not out of a parents/relatives arms or away from close skin contact for several months on end. Hardcore. Was pretty interesting.

amyzzz
06-29-2012, 12:12 PM
I always get my kids vaccinated. I don't want them to die of shooping cough or whatever. I had to request HPV vaccine because they don't even mention it to the uptight Mormon moms here in Mesa. :rolleyes

JustSteve
06-29-2012, 12:25 PM
that hpv one is another that i think is going to come back and bite us in the ass. these things are not in the interest of public safety anymore, it's business.

with whooping cough, it is mainly fatal in infants. healthy kids and adults can get over it with time.

i also don't understand why a baby that is months old needs the same dose of a vaccine as what is given to an older kid or adult.

i am also a believer that medications are a factor in childhood obesity and other issues. any little problem and parents run out to get drugs for their kids. antibiotics wreak havoc on the stomach and digestive tract. continually throw things out of balance and obviously the chemistry is going to change within.

amyzzz
06-29-2012, 12:30 PM
You're just throwing vague doubt everywhere without giving any reasons why you don't like the vaccines.

locachica73
06-29-2012, 12:31 PM
Isn't colic just a baby with too much gas? How can that not exist?

When my son was a baby he got really sick after getting 3 shots in one sitting, after that I would only allow one at a time. He was running a fever so high I almost took him to the ER, everytime I tried to give him baby tylenol he would puke it up. It was a rough couple days.

JustSteve
06-29-2012, 12:36 PM
Isn't colic just a baby with too much gas? How can that not exist?

don't believe colic has ever been proven to be one specific issue. it seems to most often be a term used by doctors when they honestly don't know what is going on, just that the baby is fussy and crying for hours on end and seems to be in discomfort.

JustSteve
06-29-2012, 12:40 PM
You're just throwing vague doubt everywhere without giving any reasons why you don't like the vaccines.

Done too much research reading both points of view on the subject to post about it here, but I have spent hours on both sides of the issue, so feel comfortable with my viewpoints. I no longer do something just because a doctor says to or the government says to.

national institutes of health:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002528/

"Plain language summary

Whooping cough, or pertussis, is an infectious bacterial disease. It affects infants and small children and can be life‐threatening in unimmunised infants younger than three months of age.

Expectations (prognosis)

In older children, the outlook is generally very good. Infants have the highest risk of death, and need careful monitoring."

So, if after 3 months the chances of life threatening problems are minimal why do they set the schedule with 4 more doses of dtap before the age of 6? and then again at 11 or 12 and again every 10 years after that?

Also, the flu shot is a complete crap shoot every year. My wife hasn't had the shot in 10+ years, nor my mom, or dad, or many others I know. Not one has had the flu. and if they did? They are otherwise healthy, so spend a week in bed and drink plenty of fluids. Me? The flu can kill me and since I have been injected with so many drugs over my life why stop now. I am grateful for all that medicine has given me, but am also losing faith in many aspects when it comes to pharmaceutical companies and their friends in the government.

I know this topic is a hot button one and don't judge what any parent determines is best for their kids. Hell, my kids are current on their vaccines, but I am just now starting to really question whose interests are really being looked after here.

locachica73
06-29-2012, 12:47 PM
Ahh, yeah, I guess that makes sense. The only time my daughter was ever "colicy" was when someone didn't burp her after she ate. She cried for hours and hours, I was 19 and scared, thought I would lose my mind. I finally called my mommy because I didn't know what to do, she drove over in the middle of the night with pepperment water, my daughter drank it and let out this huge belch and went right to sleep. I was fucking amazed and never wanted my mother to leave again. Good times.

york707
07-01-2012, 03:31 PM
Colic is defined by the symptoms. It isn't a thing other than the presence of the symptoms. So yeah, it exists if you know what it actually means. After 10 weeks, she was a dream and now never really cries and has the best personality in the world. She regularly sleeps 10-11 hours through in the night.

york707
07-01-2012, 03:31 PM
And don't be stupid and endanger my kid by not getting your kid vaccinated.

JustSteve
07-02-2012, 12:05 PM
why would your kid have anything to worry about if they are vaccinated?

Mr. Dylanja
07-02-2012, 12:25 PM
Just stay away from any of them that use thimerosal as a preservative.

gazercmh
07-02-2012, 01:38 PM
So, if after 3 months the chances of life threatening problems are minimal why do they set the schedule with 4 more doses of dtap before the age of 6? and then again at 11 or 12 and again every 10 years after that?



I haven't done hours and hours of research or anything, but wouldn't it make sense that if fewer people have whooping cough, then fewer at-risk people can get it and die?

york707
07-02-2012, 07:16 PM
Communicable diseases need large populations of infectable people, so the more people that are vaccinated, the more likely the disease naturally contains itself/dies down. I was also speaking more generically than just "my kid". There is a point in time when every kid has not reveived a given vaccination, but is exposed to older kids who could have, but may not have, received that vaccination; it is those situations where your failure to do so endangers other kids.

JustSteve
07-02-2012, 08:56 PM
Like I said, my kids are current on their vaccines, just questioning the future. Looking more into who is setting these schedules, why so many more shots/doses now than 30 years ago, etc. I am intimately involved in the medical field as a person with a chronic disease. I have had medications that were supposed to help me cause severe issues, from kidney failure, complete loss of my vestibular system(ability to use inner ear to balance), and more. Feel I have earned the right to be a smidge skeptical based on what I have been through and learned about the medical/pharmaceutical profession.

marooko
07-02-2012, 09:15 PM
I hear the oven will stop a crying baby.

JustSteve
07-02-2012, 09:34 PM
Yeah, but then your wife will never stop and never let you live it down.

Every morning "Remember when you killed our kid in the oven"? Nag, nag, nag...

JustSteve
07-04-2012, 08:54 AM
An article that shows why I am skeptical about whose interests are being looked after at times regarding the medical/pharmaceutical companies:

http://m.gawker.com/5923057/prosecutors-allege-dr-drew-was-paid-to-talk-up-wellbutrin

amyzzz
07-04-2012, 10:25 AM
If only that were true!

york707
07-04-2012, 10:45 AM
I have no problem with skepticism, but I don't have much patience for unsubstantiated conspiracy theories.

wmgaretjax
07-04-2012, 10:50 AM
I don't have patience for it... but it's an acceptable form of natural selection in this case.

amyzzz
07-16-2012, 10:16 AM
While at my mother-in-law's house, my ten-year-old daughter apparently defaced a religious painting out of anger at being locked out of a room near that painting. My mother-in-law is asking that my daughter make payments to pay for the painting which cost $150 and is no longer available to be replaced. Reasonable? Any suggestions? I know that money is tight in her household.

guedita
07-16-2012, 10:18 AM
The painting locked her out of the room?

Bud Luster
07-16-2012, 10:19 AM
I think "by" means near in this case???

amyzzz
07-16-2012, 10:19 AM
Whoops. Awkward sentence. I changed it.

guedita
07-16-2012, 10:21 AM
Ah. I think that's a fairly reasonable request and a good lesson for your daughter that actions have consequences etc, etc.

amyzzz
07-16-2012, 10:24 AM
The thing is, I've been lax with chores and allowances lately, so I guess I really need to start that up again. It's too bad I have to use this reason to start that up.

faxman75
07-16-2012, 10:26 AM
I took my 14 year old to see the move Ted over the weekend. I think it's silly that so many people would be freaked out by such a thing. The comments I was reading on the internet about people taking their kids were ridiculous. His mom took him to see it a week ago and some lady openly said to her "I can't believe you are taking a kid to this movie". Mind you, Connor looks closer to 10 years old than 14 but who are these people who think there is some blanket understanding in children. Who are these people to know what's inappropriate for a strangers kid?

guedita
07-16-2012, 10:27 AM
He's a drug addict now. GOOD JOB FAXY.

PlayaDelWes
07-16-2012, 10:29 AM
Maybe if the family is tight on money, they shouldn't be spending it on precious art. Split it down the middle and call it a lesson for both sides.

guedita
07-16-2012, 10:35 AM
Maybe they purchased the art when they weren't tight on money? Like in a time when the country was more economically prosperous?

POOR PEOPLE AM I RIGHT

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
07-16-2012, 10:37 AM
$150 is not something i would call "precious art."

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
07-16-2012, 10:40 AM
Also, i think it's fair to ask for reimbursement of some kind, not because money is tight, but because there should be consequences to actions.

Did you daughter apologize? Does she have any kind of remorse? Why was she locked out of the room in the first place? Maybe there needs to be discussion about how she's treated over there, are there weird communication issues? You say, it's your in-laws, are these people actually your children's grandparents?

casey
07-16-2012, 10:44 AM
How did she deface it and why was she locked out? She should have to reimburse her for the painting because she damaged someone else's property but it seems weird for an adult to lock a child out of a room when the the child is not a toddler or a baby.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
07-16-2012, 10:47 AM
Yes, the situation seems more complicated than "this person did something wrong and now she has to fix it." I wonder if there are bigger issues to deal with here.

OnlyNonStranger
07-16-2012, 10:48 AM
The thing is, I've been lax with chores and allowances lately, so I guess I really need to start that up again. It's too bad I have to use this reason to start that up.

Wait. Wait. Wait. You pay your kids to do chores? What the fuck.

guedita
07-16-2012, 10:49 AM
First I think you need to verify if your daughter defaced the artwork because she was locked out of the room or if she did it because it upsets her so much that her Grandma spends what little money she has on religious artwork.

PotVsKtl
07-16-2012, 10:54 AM
Was it a Kinkade? Telly our mother in law he was a drunk homo and then towel pop her in the coochie.

amyzzz
07-16-2012, 10:56 AM
I know why she was locked out the room. My mother-in-law (yes, her grandma) allowed her to sew in the sewing room, but then found her sewing with scissors, needle, and a bunch of fabric in the bedroom and making a big mess in there. My mother-in-law asked her to please sew in the sewing room so she could keep the fabric mess in there, but not ten minutes later she found my daughter back in the bedroom sewing. Her grandma then took the sewing implements away from her and locked her out of the sewing room since she did not follow her instructions. She says she did not SEE my daughter deface the picture, but she overheard my older daughter tell the younger one "don't do that, you'll get in trouble" as if she was doing something knowingly wrong, like drawing on the painting.

The painting was a present from her husband.

Mr. Fuzz
07-16-2012, 11:01 AM
While at my mother-in-law's house, my ten-year-old daughter apparently defaced a religious painting out of anger at being locked out of a room near that painting. My mother-in-law is asking that my daughter make payments to pay for the painting which cost $150 and is no longer available to be replaced. Reasonable? Any suggestions? I know that money is tight in her household.

Maybe suggest for her to work it off at the in-law's house, so that there is no actual cash exchanged. Or you could just fork over the money and discipline your daughter how you see fit.

amyzzz
07-16-2012, 11:06 AM
Her grandma lives in Utah outside SLC, and we live in Mesa, AZ. We probably won't see her again for another few years. (who wants to go to Utah?)

Hannahrain
07-16-2012, 11:07 AM
Exactly how defaced is this painting? Mustache? Holes? Decoupaged pornography?

She should make an arrangement to work the painting off with the mother-in-law, but it would also be a nice gesture if you had her paint something at home to give to her as an apology.

faxman75
07-16-2012, 11:09 AM
Does your grandma have pay pal? Maybe your daughter can start a facebook farm for your grandma and take care of the animals for her and such?

casey
07-16-2012, 11:13 AM
I want to know what she did to the painting and if you saw it. How old is your daughter, again? What did your husband have to say about it? It's always tricky dealing with your other half's parents.

guedita
07-16-2012, 11:15 AM
Does your grandma have pay pal? Maybe your daughter can start a facebook farm for your grandma and take care of the animals for her and such?

Sounds like it's an appropriate time for you to teach your daughter the magic of kickstarter.

PlayaDelWes
07-16-2012, 11:15 AM
$150 is a little much for a kid to make up. At age 18, call it 100% their responsibility, but scale back for younger kids. There is no need to erase every good deed your daughter has done to save up $150 because of one mistake where under the consequences you describe arguably could spread blame amongst multiple parties.

For a smaller price, perhaps it can be repaired, or perhaps your daughter can buy something similar, or even sew together something religous that can be a good replacement someday down the line.

Mr. Fuzz
07-16-2012, 11:16 AM
Exactly how defaced is this painting? Mustache? Holes? Decoupaged pornography?

She should make an arrangement to work the painting off with the mother-in-law, but it would also be a nice gesture if you had her paint something at home to give to her as an apology.

Art for art.

faxman75
07-16-2012, 12:00 PM
Relax, Wes will develop a sliding payment scale for the young lass.

PlayaDelWes
07-16-2012, 12:02 PM
Also, I believe the in-laws can deduct the loss on their taxes.

amyzzz
07-16-2012, 12:19 PM
I want to know what she did to the painting and if you saw it. How old is your daughter, again? What did your husband have to say about it? It's always tricky dealing with your other half's parents.I think I remember seeing scribbling on a picture when we were there. My daughter is 10. My husband is not sure she did it. We drove up there for a few days, left the kids there until the next weekend, and then drove back to pick them up, so the girls spent some time under their grandma's authority, and this supposedly took place during that time. I want to believe she did not do it, but I remember seeing that picture and wondering what was up with that -- if the kids did it -- but forgot about it. When I told my younger daughter about her grandma's email regarding the picture, this morning, she grunted evasively and started crying, which made her seem guilty, although she said later she does not know what picture I'm talking about and didn't do it. My older daughter remembered the picture and how it was defaced, but she sounded very earnest when she said she did not see the younger daughter do it.

Mugwog
07-16-2012, 12:28 PM
While at my mother-in-law's house, my ten-year-old daughter apparently defaced a religious painting out of anger at being locked out of a room near that painting. My mother-in-law is asking that my daughter make payments to pay for the painting which cost $150 and is no longer available to be replaced. Reasonable? Any suggestions? I know that money is tight in her household.
Have her pick up dog poop for a few weeks or "volunteer" for a trash pickup several times. Defacing art is something folks should learn NOT to do at a young age. If the husband is dead, that doesn't help your daughter at all.

JustSteve
07-16-2012, 01:58 PM
arguably could spread blame amongst multiple parties.

think locking her out of the room for not following rules is acceptable, not sure why grandma would have any blame in this. of course, if it was my 10 year old grandchild i'd just let it be, especially wouldn't demand money from them or the parents.

faxman75
07-16-2012, 02:25 PM
I think I remember seeing scribbling on a picture when we were there. My daughter is 10. My husband is not sure she did it. We drove up there for a few days, left the kids there until the next weekend, and then drove back to pick them up, so the girls spent some time under their grandma's authority, and this supposedly took place during that time. I want to believe she did not do it, but I remember seeing that picture and wondering what was up with that -- if the kids did it -- but forgot about it. When I told my younger daughter about her grandma's email regarding the picture, this morning, she grunted evasively and started crying, which made her seem guilty, although she said later she does not know what picture I'm talking about and didn't do it. My older daughter remembered the picture and how it was defaced, but she sounded very earnest when she said she did not see the younger daughter do it.

I'm siding with the kids on this one. From the way you are describing maybe the younger daughter started crying because she immediately started thinking about the punishment and didn't even understand what she was being accused of or maybe it had some scribbling on it already and your daughter thought it was ok because someone already defaced it? Did they enjoy their time with the grandparents? Were they resentful of being left there did they possibly do it out of boredom or spite? Or like I said, maybe they are completely innocent. Is grandma scary or mean? Lots of factors here. I would say don't be quick to punish. Have a conversation about the whole thing.

Mr. Fuzz
07-16-2012, 02:38 PM
If you trust them enough to leave the kids with them for the weekend, then I think that you should trust that they're not lying about the damage.

Bud Luster
07-16-2012, 02:47 PM
All I know is that the picture would be paid for by me and my kid if this happened between my kid/mom at my mom's house. ( I do realize that this isn't your mom Amy). End of story. I don't give a shit if my kid thinks my mom is scary, is resentful for staying at grandparents, is bored there or enjoys it, or if the picture was/wasn't already defaced. None of that supersedes the fact that my mom says it happened. Done and done. This is an adult I trust over my 10 year old kid.

amyzzz
07-16-2012, 02:51 PM
Having that sort of relationship with your mom must be nice for you.

Bud Luster
07-16-2012, 02:52 PM
If you don't trust your mother in law over your 10 year old, why are they even staying there for an extended period of time?

faxman75
07-16-2012, 02:53 PM
I used to stick bologna and kraft cheese slices to the wall. It was almost like magnets! My grandma used to throw her slippers at me and chase me with a broom.

I think I was right and her response was inappropriate. Kids usually know more than adults. Grandparents can be old and crazy too. What kind of grandparent comes up with the price of $150 to teach a kid under 10 a lesson? Maybe let the grandparents take the kids with to Bingo as some good luck charm?

Nope, I got it. Have the kids clip coupons out of the Sunday paper and mail $150 worth to the grandparents with a nice homemade card apologizing for the incident. Old people LOVE coupons...and they often smell like corn.

Bud Luster
07-16-2012, 02:55 PM
I used to stick bologna and kraft cheese slices to the wall. It was almost like magnets! My grandma used to throw her slippers at me and chase me with a broom.

I think I was right and her response was inappropriate. Kids usually know more than adults. Grandparents can be old and crazy too. What kind of grandparent comes up with the price of $150 to teach a kid under 10 a lesson?

Her response was appropiate.

guedita
07-16-2012, 02:57 PM
Have we determined whether or not the defacing in question revealed any artistic merit? Perhaps your daughter is poised to become the next great graffiti artist.

GuyInTucson
08-13-2012, 10:42 PM
My eight year old step daughters drawing of Conan...

http://tinyurl.com/8rl8h4k

Riggins33
08-13-2012, 11:28 PM
That drawing is average at best.

casey
08-14-2012, 07:25 AM
haha why was she drawing Conan? That's cute and funny. The other day when I was cleaning out Andy's room I found a Wanted poster that he made, and the person he put on it was Jack Black. It's funny to notice as kids start to become aware of who 'famous' people are.

GuyInTucson
08-14-2012, 11:03 AM
haha why was she drawing Conan? That's cute and funny. The other day when I was cleaning out Andy's room I found a Wanted poster that he made, and the person he put on it was Jack Black. It's funny to notice as kids start to become aware of who 'famous' people are.


We were watching Conan and paused the DVR with him on the screen, so she drew him with her markers in like 30 seconds. I laughed when I saw it because she obviously made a point to make his hair stand out.

captncrzy
08-14-2012, 11:13 AM
My eight year old step daughters drawing of Conan...

http://tinyurl.com/8rl8h4k

I was laughing heartily at this last night.

Courtney
08-14-2012, 11:17 AM
The lips are especially fantastic/creepy.

casey
08-14-2012, 11:22 AM
He's rocking the sidepony, I love it.

PlayaDelWes
08-30-2012, 05:29 PM
How do you tell your daughter's soccer coach you are not pleased with her practices? The girls stand around 80% of it because half the time she is just talking / explaining things and almost all the drills she chooses are the stand-in-line and wait your turn type with only 2 or 3 of the girls involved. 90 minute practice, and maybe 20, or 30 mins of activity.

zonarob
08-30-2012, 06:05 PM
How do you tell your daughter's soccer coach you are not pleased with her practices? The girls stand around 80% of it because half the time she is just talking / explaining things and almost all the drills she chooses are the stand-in-line and wait your turn type with only 2 or 3 of the girls involved. 90 minute practice, and maybe 20, or 30 mins of activity.

Welcome to youth sports. My son has played baseball for many years from Little League to club teams and now high school. So many bad coaches. I have become so frustrated with it that I now look for professional coaches and just pay the freight. Be very careful when speaking to the mom and dad coaches. Remember these people many times get their self worth from coaching kids. I would suggest a simple offer of help. You could offer to run a different drill so the girls could be split into two groups. Just be very careful what you say. Do whatever you can to make sure your daughter is having fun. Plan play dates or outings with teammates if you can. These relationships are what are really important and is what your daughter will remember about youth sports. They will not remember wins and loses for more that 15 minutes. Enjoy!!!

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
08-30-2012, 06:07 PM
Take them out of soccer and teach them to cook and clean

santasutt
08-30-2012, 06:36 PM
How do you tell your daughter's soccer coach you are not pleased with her practices? The girls stand around 80% of it because half the time she is just talking / explaining things and almost all the drills she chooses are the stand-in-line and wait your turn type with only 2 or 3 of the girls involved. 90 minute practice, and maybe 20, or 30 mins of activity.

You don't. At least not in those direct terms. Before or after the next practice you offer your services in a diplomatic manner. You might find a relieved and thankful coach who might be in over her head, i.e. never done this before and desperately seeking a clue.

If you are willing to lend your time end expertise, I don't see how she could turn down your offer to run some split squad drills/stations, especially is she is the single coach and it is one on 15-20 girls. If you can recruit another enthusiastic parent/coach to help, all the better. Share emails so you could share ideas/drills for the next practice and game strategies.

Ideally, you have some coaching chops going in.

As a former soccer-football-baseball-softball-basketball coach, I always listened to parents and learned, over time. to take advantage of parents who were willing to lend their expertise or skill set in order to make the team better and the experience more enjoyable for the kids.

Good luck, man.

PlayaDelWes
10-01-2012, 05:09 PM
If you are willing to lend your time end expertise, I don't see how she could turn down your offer to run some split squad drills/stations, especially is she is the single coach and it is one on 15-20 girls. If you can recruit another enthusiastic parent/coach to help, all the better. Share emails so you could share ideas/drills for the next practice and game strategies.This has been great advice. I’ve backed off a bit on how the coach conducts the practices because my daughter says she’s they are interesting and she is staying active. But I was able to use what you had to say about stepping in and helping when the coach tried to reduce practices down to 1 day per week instead of two. I think her exact quote was “We could practice every day of the week, and some of the girls are just not going to rise up....physical limitations, lack of motivation, etc....”.

Anyway, I volunteered to step in and lead an additional practice once / week, still letting the coach give me direction on what needs to be done, while allowing her to do the other things she needs to do with her busy schedule. The weird thing is that she’s being very protective of letting me reach out to parents on their availability.

Do whatever you can to make sure your daughter is having fun. Plan play dates or outings with teammates if you can. These relationships are what are really important and is what your daughter will remember about youth sports.Excellent advice as well. She invited her team to a slumber party and nearly all showed up.

amyzzz
10-01-2012, 05:18 PM
Good for you, Wes. I wonder if my kids are missing something by not trying sports at all, but they emphatically don't want to be on any sports teams, and both Jacob and I hate sports, so I have not pushed the issue.

algunz
10-01-2012, 06:26 PM
That's kind of the beauty of soccer and in the long run the demise in American culture. It is in it's early stages really about socializing kids and teaching team building. Sadly, because it doesn't have the support culturally, most kids find another sport or activity to use these skills in later on in life.

marooko
10-01-2012, 07:07 PM
Take them out of soccer and teach them to cook and clean

:).

guedita
10-01-2012, 07:16 PM
FYI all of the girls on my soccer teams who had the parents that stood there watching every single soccer practice ended up being super big slutty problematic messes when they got older.

PlayaDelWes
10-01-2012, 07:34 PM
FYI all of the girls on my soccer teams who had the parents that stood there watching every single soccer practice ended up being super big slutty problematic messes when they got older.
That explains a lot.

guedita
10-01-2012, 08:08 PM
Not me. My parents expressively learned early on that I would not tolerate their presence at my sports practices. I gave them hell for coming to my games, too. Though it's endearing to see you embracing your helicopter parenting to the fullest.

chairmenmeow47
10-01-2012, 08:19 PM
we lived so far from everything, it would have been silly for whoever drove me there (a parent) to not watch practice. and i am in fact a slut with problems. my dad would always have a book though, so i'm not completely insane.

guedita
10-01-2012, 08:26 PM
It's also true that most soccer girls are sluts, regardless of parental involvement. It's the second sluttiest sport.

bmack86
10-01-2012, 08:34 PM
My dad coached most of the early teams I did. That's in large part because he loves sports and he really likes kids so he had a blast with it. I'm not really a slut with problems.

guedita
10-01-2012, 08:41 PM
You also aren't a girl, though. (Right?)

bmack86
10-01-2012, 09:35 PM
Sexist.

EastLos01
10-10-2012, 12:29 PM
I was reading this at work, and started to wonder how I would handle something like this? Has anyone come across this, where your child gets bullied, or does the bullying?




http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/teen-allegedly-bullied-television-interview-bullying-140353690.html


A young man taking a stand against bullying at his school was apparently roughed up by fellow students as a local TV crew was preparing to interview him.

"The student came up to me and pushed me out of the way and said, 'What are you recording?'" Preston Deener told WHAG. "All of a sudden, the student was chasing me and I needed some help."

The incident happened as WHAG cameras and reporter Katie Kyros were preparing to interview Preston, a sophomore at Brunswick High School in Frederick, Md.

Kyros described the events:

"I had my camera fully set up. I was getting ready to interview Preston and his friend, and the boys just didn't seem to care. A group of three boys came up, and one of them just lunged toward Preston, started pushing him and hitting him in the head so quickly. I was shocked. They didn't even care that I was standing there and yelling about it. … It was all on camera. They have no shame about it."

However, Kyros later points out the camera was not recording when the alleged assault took place. But crews did capture images of the boys approaching and Preston running away after the incident.

Preston went into the school to report the bullying, as is district policy. He was recently suspended for three days after an incident last week in which, instead of telling administrators, he fought a student after being tackled at school, WHAG reports. Preston says he's been a victim of bullying for years, including cyberbullying.

That's why Kyros was on site to talk to Preston.

Cheryl Deener , Preston's mother, hopes the recent incident caught mostly on video will nudge the school district to take action against this bully, WHAG reports.

The TV station is cooperating with the school district and has turned over a copy of the video so the school can identify the young men involved.

"A full investigation is step No. 1, to find out what's going on and what happened," Michael Doerrer with Frederick County Public Schools told WHAG.

Cheryl Deener has started a Facebook page in support of her son through which she hopes parents of bullied teens can share support and ideas, ABC2 WMAR reports. Recently, she got the district to reverse a ruling that kept Preston from attending homecoming because of his suspension, ABC2 reports.

This is yet another notable case in which a parent is seeking public support for a child who has stood up against apparent bullying—only to get punished for retaliating.

Randy Duke of Victoria, Texas, pickets his son's middle school, carrying a sign that reads, "Bullying victims are punished here."

Duke's 14-year-old son, Max, was suspended for allegedly fighting with a student who had been bullying him at the school, Duke said.

In his TV interview, Preston said eloquently, "You've got to have one heart and stand up for someone who's getting bullied, and it needs to stop."

amyzzz
10-11-2012, 10:11 AM
My kids have not been bullied nor have they bullied anyone themselves. This would be hard for me to deal with. If it was really bad, I would just have them change schools.

amyzzz
10-15-2012, 02:26 PM
My 12 year old daughter is obsessed with My Little Pony right now and wants all the MLP toys to play with, but Jacob thinks playing with those toys is regressive, and we should not allow her to get anymore toys because she should be too old for this. What do you guys think?

stinkbutt
10-15-2012, 02:37 PM
8178

AlecEiffel
10-15-2012, 02:43 PM
Are you positive she wants them "to play with" and not to collect? She might just be a nerd.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
10-15-2012, 02:43 PM
I don't think it's up to parents to decide what kinds of hobbies their children should have. If she wants to collect and play with or display MLP toys, then that should be to her. Let her decide when she's too old to play with toys. Trying to force her out of childlike things isn't particularly healthy. Plus, she's only 12! She's still a kid.

OnlyNonStranger
10-15-2012, 02:45 PM
Clop clop.

amyzzz
10-15-2012, 02:53 PM
She still plays with them. And she draws them. And she wants to be Fluttershy from MLP for Halloween.

PlayaDelWes
10-15-2012, 02:55 PM
I don't think it's up to parents to decide what kinds of hobbies their children should have. If she wants to collect and play with or display MLP toys, then that should be to her. Let her decide when she's too old to play with toys. Trying to force her out of childlike things isn't particularly healthy. Plus, she's only 12! She's still a kid.
All of this. For a while I was concerned our oldest daughter tended to gravitate towards playing younger activities and with younger kids. With very little intervention, that subsided on its own.

Amy, is your daughter responsible for her own money and budgeting? I mean as long as she's willing to spend her own money on something like this, it's great for her to learn based on the choices she makes, not on the limitations others impose.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
10-15-2012, 02:56 PM
I actively played with action figures until i was 14 or 15 and still collect toys of various kinds, though not at the level i did when i was younger. I think it's good to encourage creative things like that for as long as possible. Kids grow up too fast nowadays, so let them play with toys!

GuyInTucson
12-10-2012, 07:04 AM
My wife's ex-husband constantly fails to live up to his portion of the parenting bargain. Whether it be child support, problems with his home (No AC, which is a necessity in Tucson, a broken window in her room), passing her off to his sister, not knowing when to put the teenager that still lives in his body aside... he really doesn't seem to fully grasp the parenting concept.

The child support isn't a huge deal to me. We are far from loaded, but we make enough to where we don't need his money, but it is also a tad frustrating to know that the only time he saves money to do stuff with her, it isn't to live up to his end of the responsibilities, but it's to take her somewhere like Disneyland or the State Fair or something a kid would enjoy. That seems all fine and dandy but at one point, his motorcycle broke down and decided it was better to put money into getting into another motorcycle rather than help pay some of the bills like he should. He rarely pays for any of her child care, health costs, clothes and leaves us with the bill and in turn, we end up having to delay any plans to do something fun and exciting for her because we are spending so much of our paychecks on her necessities while he saves that money. I think he does that to look like the "good parent" (yes he has been proven to be THAT immature) so she still wants to see him, but she's starting to pick up on certain portions of his BS because she is getting older and smarter.

He also displays extremely selfish behavior. He wanted to see an R rated movie (pretty sure it was Inception, not quite sure) on the night it came out, which was on a night he had her, on a school night and the movie didn't start until midnight. You would think he would exercise patience and see it at a more convenient and appropriate time for himself and even if he wanted to take her, that's his daughter and he can choose to do as he pleases, but so late on a school night is unacceptable in my book especially when she told us she didn't even want to go see the movie and told him this multiple times.

On top of that, a while back we found out that he took her around on his crotch-rocket in his neighborhood, which is just ridiculous simply due to the fact that he is a complete idiot of a driver regardless of what vehicle he is utilizing. What's even more frustrating is that she said she wasn't wearing any sort of helmet or padding. She played it down at first, but when we told her she wasn't in trouble she started opening up about other things he does while he is in her custody.

His sister - who happens to be a welfare mother that possesses no responsibility - actually dropped her and her cousin off at a house where, according to my step-daughter, had no supervision. The adults that were there stayed in the bedroom behind closed doors, failing to come out and check on the kids. I am also finding out that he has been passing her off to his sister at least once every one-to-two weeks, which would be fine except that she only gets two days with him and she would complain that she never gets to see him.

She is now getting to the point where she is being very short with him in phone conversations and wants to come home to us early more often than not. My wife is continuously being patient with him because she's afraid that elevating her stress will cause her MS to act up again (and that's an entirely different issue altogether that can cause added frustration to our marriage and we try to avoid that as much as possible), but certain things are beginning to really piss her off with him.

As a step-parent, am I overstepping boundaries if I tell my wife she needs to finally take legal action? He doesn't pay child support and her living conditions over there are poor and he does very little to fix them despite having a steady job. I know that deep down the guy loves his daughter, but he never seems to fully grasp the concept of being a parent and I am afraid his lack of responsibility is going to hurt her either physically or emotionally in the long run. My wife and I are fully capable of raising her on our own and given his actions and lack of child support payments and unwillingness to improve his living conditions, I am pretty sure she could get full custody if she wants.

PlayaDelWes
12-10-2012, 07:24 AM
Yes, she should take legal action ASAP.

captncrzy
12-10-2012, 07:37 AM
My wife's ex-husband constantly fails to live up to his portion of the parenting bargain. Whether it be child support, problems with his home (No AC, which is a necessity in Tucson, a broken window in her room), passing her off to his sister, not knowing when to put the teenager that still lives in his body aside... he really doesn't seem to fully grasp the parenting concept.

The child support isn't a huge deal to me. We are far from loaded, but we make enough to where we don't need his money, but it is also a tad frustrating to know that the only time he saves money to do stuff with her, it isn't to live up to his end of the responsibilities, but it's to take her somewhere like Disneyland or the State Fair or something a kid would enjoy. That seems all fine and dandy but at one point, his motorcycle broke down and decided it was better to put money into getting into another motorcycle rather than help pay some of the bills like he should. He rarely pays for any of her child care, health costs, clothes and leaves us with the bill and in turn, we end up having to delay any plans to do something fun and exciting for her because we are spending so much of our paychecks on her necessities while he saves that money. I think he does that to look like the "good parent" (yes he has been proven to be THAT immature) so she still wants to see him, but she's starting to pick up on certain portions of his BS because she is getting older and smarter.

He also displays extremely selfish behavior. He wanted to see an R rated movie (pretty sure it was Inception, not quite sure) on the night it came out, which was on a night he had her, on a school night and the movie didn't start until midnight. You would think he would exercise patience and see it at a more convenient and appropriate time for himself and even if he wanted to take her, that's his daughter and he can choose to do as he pleases, but so late on a school night is unacceptable in my book especially when she told us she didn't even want to go see the movie and told him this multiple times.

On top of that, a while back we found out that he took her around on his crotch-rocket in his neighborhood, which is just ridiculous simply due to the fact that he is a complete idiot of a driver regardless of what vehicle he is utilizing. What's even more frustrating is that she said she wasn't wearing any sort of helmet or padding. She played it down at first, but when we told her she wasn't in trouble she started opening up about other things he does while he is in her custody.

His sister - who happens to be a welfare mother that possesses no responsibility - actually dropped her and her cousin off at a house where, according to my step-daughter, had no supervision. The adults that were there stayed in the bedroom behind closed doors, failing to come out and check on the kids. I am also finding out that he has been passing her off to his sister at least once every one-to-two weeks, which would be fine except that she only gets two days with him and she would complain that she never gets to see him.

She is now getting to the point where she is being very short with him in phone conversations and wants to come home to us early more often than not. My wife is continuously being patient with him because she's afraid that elevating her stress will cause her MS to act up again (and that's an entirely different issue altogether that can cause added frustration to our marriage and we try to avoid that as much as possible), but certain things are beginning to really piss her off with him.

As a step-parent, am I overstepping boundaries if I tell my wife she needs to finally take legal action? He doesn't pay child support and her living conditions over there are poor and he does very little to fix them despite having a steady job. I know that deep down the guy loves his daughter, but he never seems to fully grasp the concept of being a parent and I am afraid his lack of responsibility is going to hurt her either physically or emotionally in the long run. My wife and I are fully capable of raising her on our own and given his actions and lack of child support payments and unwillingness to improve his living conditions, I am pretty sure she could get full custody if she wants.

a) document everything; go back and remember everything you can. Make sure you have dates/times as well whenever you can.

b) file for emergency full custody. Like this week. If the kid doesn't seem to want to be there, there's something going on

c) get an attorney. It's one thing to be a deadbeat and not pay child support. It's quite another to have your child in an unsafe environment. The stress of not knowing whether or not my kid is going to be injured when she leaves the house would be much less than the stress of having to take him to court IMO.

Mugwog
12-10-2012, 09:02 AM
His sister - who happens to be a welfare mother that possesses no responsibility - actually dropped her and her cousin off at a house where, according to my step-daughter, had no supervision. The adults that were there stayed in the bedroom behind closed doors, failing to come out and check on the kids. I am also finding out that he has been passing her off to his sister at least once every one-to-two weeks, which would be fine except that she only gets two days with him and she would complain that she never gets to see him.

Anyone else feel like these folks are doing drugs?

GuyInTucson
12-10-2012, 10:00 AM
Anyone else feel like these folks are doing drugs?

That's our first guess actually, but there is no way to prove it and her dad will just deny it happens. My wife has pretty much had it and hopefully she will actually do something about it if these instances continue to occur. She doesn't give a shit about him until he starts acting stupid as a parent. Then she loses it at him. I had to take her to the hospital because she had a panic attack and passed out a few years back because of his shit and I think she's paranoid that she'll be unable to avoid the rage surfacing again. With how sporadic her health has been all year, the last thing she needs is more stress. It's really a tough balancing act for her and I try to stay as calm as possible because I've had two physical altercations with him in the past.

amyzzz
12-10-2012, 10:29 AM
I agree with the others. Get a lawyer ASAP.

canexplain
12-10-2012, 10:38 AM
Kids are cool, it's when they turn into adults lolz, my youngest has just hooked up with a guy from Boulder that is a chef so that's cool, my adopted got her SECOND bronze star, and my oldest has great kids, life works out sometimes.... cr*****

HowToDisappear
12-10-2012, 10:48 AM
Yes, get a lawyer. I would think that hearing what your legal options are and how best to keep your daughter safe would be better for your stress levels than feeling angry and helpless. Save the fight for court; physical altercations solve nothing and may harm your case.

GuyInTucson
12-10-2012, 10:55 AM
I should probably clarify that I haven't had any sort of altercation with him in nearly 7 years. It all happened very early in my relationship with her. He likes to antagonize people until they reach their boiling point and then runs off. He actually tried getting a restraining order on me once but his attempt failed because the judge told him that he would not reward an instigator. My wife also had a restraining order on him for a year out of safety to their daughter because he doesn't seem to have a filter at all when he's around her.

A lot of these instances have occurred over an extended time-span, but my post this morning was sparked by his daughter wanting to come home a day early and her virtually not speaking to him when he called last night. It was like she didn't even care.

My main concern is that, while I don't like him at all, I can tell she is getting more hurt over the years at his part-time involvement and I care about how SHE feels. I told my wife if we could just remove him from the equation everyone's life would be easier, but I don't want my step-daughter holding anything against me for "running her dad off".

Mugwog
12-10-2012, 12:20 PM
Fwiw: +20 points to you for being a good step-parent and giving a shit about the well being of your partner's child.

You may not have to get a lawyer, as it sounds like your step-daughter is growing tired of her dad's shit and she's getting to the age where she will probably cut him off herself. He will have to improve his own habits before he is welcomed back into her life.

gazercmh
12-11-2012, 09:43 AM
Fwiw: +20 points to you for being a good step-parent and giving a shit about the well being of your partner's child.

Agreed, though it's kinda sad to think someone should get extra credit for actually caring about someone who lives in his home...

Tubesock Shakur
01-07-2013, 06:02 PM
The last year and a half have been the greatest years of my life so far. I have so many trips planned, started a new business, and buying a new house coming spring/summer. So kids are starting to come into the picture, but I really enjoy life now and do not want kids to ruin this high. I'm selfish, kids are gross, I have the same feeling towards pets. They are awesome but 12-14 years is long enough. They stink and say stupid shit......ugh I want like two of em, but I want them to only come around like twice a week. I know my wife feels the same way...........fuck.

chairmenmeow47
01-07-2013, 06:12 PM
i totally thought you were gonna say she was knocked up

Tubesock Shakur
01-07-2013, 06:16 PM
No no no no. The making of nonexistent children also is a point of awesome selfishness. Fuck it. I don't want kids. My family name dies here.

Tubesock Shakur
01-07-2013, 06:17 PM
I'm just going to be the awesome uncle.

marooko
01-07-2013, 07:09 PM
Adopt/Foster. Pretty sure they come with a return policy.

algunz
01-07-2013, 09:51 PM
You sort of alluded to it, but does your wife really feel the same?




GiT, your situation totally sucks. Have you been able to make any progress in getting a lawyer?

PlayaDelWes
02-24-2013, 02:52 PM
Our 10 ˝ year old daughter loves soccer and loves track. Its track-season and she has practice Mon, Wed, and Thurs from 4:30-6. She also wants to join a weekly soccer camp during the spring that is either Tue, Wed, or both, from 6-7:30. I’m supportive if she wants to do 1 ˝ hours of soccer directly after 1 ˝ hours of track, but I have no idea if that starts to test the physical limitations of a 10 ˝ year old.

Is 4 days in a row of intense 1 ˝ hour exercise too much? Or would skipping Tuesday and having 3 hours of activity be too much on Wednesday? Or should we just be totally supportive of this, let her do it all, and only start pulling back if it’s too grueling or if we find that she’s too tired?

VigoTheCarpathian
02-24-2013, 04:09 PM
Let her do soccer one Tuesday and see if she even likes it.

Courtney
02-24-2013, 04:28 PM
Our 10 ˝ year old daughter loves soccer and loves track. Its track-season and she has practice Mon, Wed, and Thurs from 4:30-6. She also wants to join a weekly soccer camp during the spring that is either Tue, Wed, or both, from 6-7:30. I’m supportive if she wants to do 1 ˝ hours of soccer directly after 1 ˝ hours of track, but I have no idea if that starts to test the physical limitations of a 10 ˝ year old.

Is 4 days in a row of intense 1 ˝ hour exercise too much? Or would skipping Tuesday and having 3 hours of activity be too much on Wednesday? Or should we just be totally supportive of this, let her do it all, and only start pulling back if it’s too grueling or if we find that she’s too tired?

If she loves soccer and track, I think she should go for it! Getting girls involved in sports is a great way to develop confidence and appreciation of their bodies, as well as helping to teach teamwork.

4 days of exercise in a row should be fine. As for 3 hours of activity, why not ask the coaches? It really depends on what they are doing. During my short-lived career in the education field, we definitely had a lot of kids in the 8-12 range who would spend Saturdays being shuttled between two or three different types of sports practices, and they managed, although sometimes were pretty exhausted by the end.

algunz
02-24-2013, 10:41 PM
I'd say give it a try and see how it goes. You or she should figure out pretty quickly if it works or not.

RotationSlimWang
02-24-2013, 10:49 PM
If I had kids I would discourage them from running track.

algunz
02-24-2013, 11:13 PM
Hahaha, what's wrong with track?

RotationSlimWang
02-24-2013, 11:16 PM
As good as it may be for your muscles, it seems terribly stressful on your bones and joints and the such. One of the better pieces of advice my dad ever gave me was, "take care of your knees and your back at all costs--you will need them more than you think some day." As a result, I have cultivated a life of educated sloth and my body is in tip top condition.

algunz
02-24-2013, 11:23 PM
Tip Top!

RotationSlimWang
02-24-2013, 11:28 PM
Tip top. My hair is lush, I look fantastic naked, I have none of the chronic pains or conditions that almost everyone I know does. I have managed to think my way to physical perfection. Exercise is for the slow-witted.

algunz
02-24-2013, 11:32 PM
Then how do you explain those ugly-ass yellow teeth?

RotationSlimWang
02-24-2013, 11:36 PM
A valid point. The correct answer is cigarettes and heroin. Also, since teeth are not muscles I cannot merely think my will upon them. They are dead material, which I have no power over, as I have given up necromancy.