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View Full Version : Seeking Advice From [Relatively] Dignified Men With High Net Worth



Hannahrain
04-29-2012, 08:03 PM
I would like to fabricate and/or cast a birthday gift for my grandpa using bronze, brass, or silver. He doesn't carry cash, so no money clip. All his shirts have button cuffs, so no cufflinks. I want to give him the present in person while we're on a family vacation later this year, so nothing I can't take through international airline security (no letter opener). He's worn the same tie bar every day since 1972, so no tie pin. He's a lawyer. He plays golf. He reads the comics every Sunday, but he calls them "the funnies" like some kind of weird person who calls the comics the wrong thing. He doesn't know how to make a sandwich, but he still tries to carry your suitcase for you. He'll probably work every day until he dies sitting at his desk wearing a Lacoste cardigan and a pair of really unfortunate pants.

My only medium-okay idea so far is a set of golf ball markers, or possibly still making a letter opener and shipping it beforehand, but I feel like there's got to be something better and I'd really rather give it in person.

Are you fairly dignified except for some really unfortunate pants? Does the phrase "for tax reasons" come up in your conversation at least once a day? Do you still put quotation marks around the word "e-mail" in casual correspondence? For the love of God, please tell me what present you'd want.

Mugwog
04-29-2012, 08:08 PM
Exclusive pen.

algunz
04-29-2012, 08:08 PM
You could make these little buttons that I've seen that you put on the end of golf clubs for identification purposes.

algunz
04-29-2012, 08:09 PM
Or I know it's a bit cliche, but a picture frame with your pretty mug highlighted would probably be greatly appreciated.

Hannahrain
04-29-2012, 08:35 PM
Exclusive pen.

I thought about trying to make some sort of jacket/clip for an existing pen, but I think that would be sort of difficult to execute and it really is important that I make it myself. The guy's probably got a fancy pen from everybody he's ever shaken hands with at the country club, and he could buy anything he decided he wanted.


You could make these little buttons that I've seen that you put on the end of golf clubs for identification purposes.

I actually got him those a few years ago, but that would be a good idea otherwise.


Or I know it's a bit cliche, but a picture frame with your pretty mug highlighted would probably be greatly appreciated.

"I got you this picture of me" is definitely not my approach, but if I can't make anything else work, I may see if I can find a nice picture of the family.

Where's PlayaDelWes? I bet he would know the right thing.

bmack86
04-29-2012, 08:39 PM
Can you make a book holder? Like a nice metal-and-wood deal to keep a book open while he's doing legal research or working with documents? Maybe bevel in some pin holes on the back so it could be a useful all-in-one desk accompaniment?

Alchemy
04-29-2012, 08:59 PM
A kind of display/holder for his business cards?

Personally, I would want you to make me some bullets, or some other projectiles, so that I can defend my property.

EDIT: By the way, here is an example of what I mean.

http://www.jerryswoodworks.com/forsale/thumbmahog_mahog.jpg

Except made of bronze or silver or something.

algunz
04-29-2012, 09:03 PM
Or some cool book ends?

Mr. Dylanja
04-29-2012, 09:09 PM
A personalized golf divot tool (possibly with a ball marker built in). Something every golfer uses, that comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. Just google it and you'll see hundreds of different types.

Alchemy
04-29-2012, 09:14 PM
You should make unique screws that can only be screwed/unscrewed by a unique screwdriver (that you also make). And then you call it [His Name]'s Screwdriver.

Unless his name is Phillip. Then it will not be fun.

EDIT: Hmm... Now that I think about it. This would not be very dignified or high net worth.

Hannahrain
04-29-2012, 09:19 PM
Can you make a book holder? Like a nice metal-and-wood deal to keep a book open while he's doing legal research or working with documents? Maybe bevel in some pin holes on the back so it could be a useful all-in-one desk accompaniment?

Interesting idea, but a bit much to carry overseas.


A kind of display/holder for his business cards?

Personally, I would want you to make me some bullets, or some other projectiles, so that I can defend my property.

EDIT: By the way, here is an example of what I mean.

http://www.jerryswoodworks.com/forsale/thumbmahog_mahog.jpg

Except made of bronze or silver or something.

He mostly works from home these days, but maybe a business card case.


Or some cool book ends?

Another good idea, but a lot to carry.


A personalized golf divot tool (possibly with a ball marker built in). Something every golfer uses, that comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. Just google it and you'll see hundreds of different types.

Look at this guy patronizing me about golf divot tools like I've never golfed. It is a good idea, though.


You should make unique screws that can only be screwed/unscrewed by a unique screwdriver (that you also make). And then you call it [His Name]'s Screwdriver.

Unless his name is Phillip. Then it will not be fun.

He's actually got his own variant already:

http://dyijw76xix8sx.cloudfront.net/products/powell-monster-bunk-bed/allen-wrench-4112.jpg

hippityhip
04-29-2012, 09:22 PM
Well if he's a lawyer I'm sure he sends a lot of mail out. Why don't you make him a stamp with a seal with his initials or something to that effect. He can dip it in red wax and seal envelopes.

Alchemy
04-29-2012, 09:23 PM
How about a silver paperweight that is also the bust of Chris Cooper (Actor - October Sky, Seabiscuit)?

Hannahrain
04-29-2012, 09:25 PM
Well if he's a lawyer I'm sure he sends a lot of mail out. Why don't you make him a stamp with a seal with his initials or something to that effect. He can dip it in red wax and seal envelopes.

That's a really neat idea. I don't think he would do that, but I'm going to do that for a friend who absolutely would.

algunz
04-29-2012, 09:27 PM
Does he brew his own coffee?

Hannahrain
04-29-2012, 09:30 PM
He doesn't even pour his own coffee.

captncrzy
04-29-2012, 09:33 PM
Tom is clearly the only one qualified to answer this question.

algunz
04-29-2012, 09:33 PM
Lol, make him a metal waitress.

Riggins33
04-29-2012, 09:33 PM
You should get him Doritos locos tacos, Sometimes you just gotta Live Más.

Alchemy
04-29-2012, 09:36 PM
Some coasters like this?

http://www.ad-promotion-gift.com/uploads/img26/Metal_Coaster_Set_18485.jpg

PlayaDelWes
04-29-2012, 09:37 PM
A picture frame or set of picture frames. Insert pics of the fam, the area, or some of his favorite things.

Alchemy
04-29-2012, 09:40 PM
A bell, so that he may call for his coffee.

Alchemy
04-29-2012, 09:46 PM
Something like a cigarette case, except that it holds golf tees instead of cigarettes.

PlayaDelWes
04-29-2012, 09:47 PM
Something like a cigarette case, except that it holds golf tees instead of cigarettes.

This, but include a set of metal golf tees

Mugwog
04-29-2012, 09:47 PM
Can you make a book holder? Like a nice metal-and-wood deal to keep a book open while he's doing legal research or working with documents? Maybe bevel in some pin holes on the back so it could be a useful all-in-one desk accompaniment?

Perhaps some book ends with your face engraved in bronze for each end?

Perhaps bronzing his first great grand children as bookends (or his first two from you?)
http://southernsudan.prm.ox.ac.uk/images/midsize/1934.8.135_a.jpg

Mr. Dylanja
04-29-2012, 09:50 PM
This, but include a set of metal golf tees

Wouldn't that ruin the clubs?

PlayaDelWes
04-29-2012, 09:51 PM
Shhhh

BROKENDOLL
04-29-2012, 09:53 PM
You should get him Doritos locos tacos, Sometimes you just gotta Live Más.
God, I'm fucking addicted to these tacos right now.

Alchemy
04-29-2012, 09:54 PM
A small anchor on a thin chain that, when he removes it from his pocket and lets it hang from his belt, allows him to stay fixed in time.

Hatinisbad
04-29-2012, 10:15 PM
Or I know it's a bit cliche, but a picture frame with your pretty mug highlighted would probably be greatly appreciated.
^this

PotVsKtl
04-30-2012, 01:46 PM
A metal dick to beat everyone but Alchemy to death with.

Hannahrain
04-30-2012, 01:54 PM
I'm pretty sure my most recent memory of you is a brief vignette in which you attempt http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/33138/scuba+diver+gains+notoriety+for+high-five+greeting+by+large+shark/ to drink a pint of beer through your bony denim-clad thighs. I don't know what you're clicking my dignified guy thread for. I accidentally pasted that in but I can't really bring myself to delete it.

PotVsKtl
04-30-2012, 02:01 PM
Pish posh old Churlish. The mangrave grove's grown.

TomAz
04-30-2012, 02:02 PM
You should make him a carillon. It might not fit in your carry-on though.

Hannahrain
04-30-2012, 02:08 PM
A vulture boards a plane dragging two rotting carcasses and starts squishing them into the overhead bin. The flight attendant comes up and says "I'm sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

SoulDischarge
04-30-2012, 02:10 PM
Finally, Hannah has said something funny for once.

PotVsKtl
04-30-2012, 02:11 PM
Whatever you do, don't cast a plaque that explains what would compel someone to wear a trucker hat underwater.

Hannahrain
04-30-2012, 02:14 PM
So you already have one? Another gift idea ruined.

Hannahrain
04-30-2012, 02:15 PM
Oh wait it's cool though, I still have an extra carrion. It'll look offal-y nice on you!

insbordnat
04-30-2012, 02:20 PM
Slightly cliche, but some bronze coasters with leather inlays with his initials would be nice.

Other office decoration is always appreciated, like a cast golf ball or some other abstract sculpture/design. Paperweights, although not overly functional these days, is also a cool gift.

An engraved bag tag is nice for a golfer.

jackstraw94086
04-30-2012, 02:26 PM
He reads the comics every Sunday, but he calls them "the funnies" like some kind of weird person who calls the comics the wrong thing.


"funny papers" used to be a commonly accepted term back in old timey days.
At some point it was the "comics' camp that were the odd ones using wrong words.


Someday your grandkids will laugh behind your back when you use the word "tweet"

algunz
04-30-2012, 02:27 PM
What about a puzzle of sorts? Keep his mind active.

Hannahrain
04-30-2012, 02:32 PM
Be quiet. I am trying to learn what synonyms are.

algunz
04-30-2012, 02:36 PM
They're really good on buttered toast.

bmack86
04-30-2012, 02:40 PM
That's a really neat idea. I don't think he would do that, but I'm going to do that for a friend who absolutely would.

And I will appreciate it endlessly.

JustSteve
04-30-2012, 02:43 PM
maybe something that could hold a couple of decanters, like a base to set them on or a carrier? then grab a couple crystal decanters and get them inscribed.

SoulDischarge
04-30-2012, 03:41 PM
Every gentleman appreciates a revolver.

Alchemy
04-30-2012, 08:12 PM
You should make him some dignified toe rings.

Hannahrain
04-30-2012, 08:23 PM
I'm going to make him a set of silver collar stays because he is a gentleman. Thank you all for your valuable/worthless input.

Alchemy
04-30-2012, 08:28 PM
Silver collar stays that also double as throwing knives (for when fighting werewolves), I hope.

lt.roast.a.botch
04-30-2012, 08:30 PM
Cigar humidifier for golf or if he does not smoke, nothing is more essential for a gentleman playing golf than a UroClub (http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2008/06/06/uroclub-makes-peeing.html)

thelastgreatman
04-30-2012, 08:48 PM
I think going with golf as a hobby and making a variety of items would be the best way to go. As my father was also a lawyer, and a golfer, although apparently not nearly as fiscally well off as your grandfather, I gotta say that with very few exceptions people would rather have gifts for their hobbies--which they enjoy--rather than their jobs--where they might like certain other versions of the stuff you'd make just for functional reasons.

The personalized ball markers are a good idea, but think about doing a whole set. Get an existing golf glove and. Then he gets a nice set of stuff and if he doesn't like one of them for some reason it's still cool because he'll probably like the others and won't have to feel guilty.