It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

[algunz]

What's the point of doing it now, if you're just gonna disappear?

[Theijuiel]

Just to see what OKcupid is all about, I have no interest in finding someone right now.

[algunz]

Gotcha. Big Fun.

[M Sparks]

I seriously just hit the I'm Not Interested button one someone solely because they said they liked "Two and a Half Men", and they wrote it in a way that looked like "Twenty One Divided by Two Men."

[Mugwog]

Twilight is an instant deal breaker

[Theijuiel]

These flowcharts to my heart are hilarious.

[M Sparks]

Oh, hell yes. Loving Twilight means a profoundly stunted view of gender roles and relationships. That's a legitimate concern, unlike my bias against hacky sitcoms.

[chiapet]

Wow, and I thought I was judgmental. :)

[MoSetsfire]

Wow, and I thought I was judgmental. :)

Don't worry, I still think you're judgmental...ZING!

[guedita]

The Effeminate Laugher texted me on Thursday and then called me and left a message tonight. Gross.

[Mugwog]

You know it says we are 76%. Hookupchella?

[lehorne]

The Effeminate Laugher texted me on Thursday and then called me and left a message tonight. Gross.

Oh cmon, give her another chance, so we can derive pleasure from you writing about it. Maybe they make strange noises in bed. Report.

[fatbastard]

People commenting about television shows on their profile would raise a red flag for me.

[SoulDischarge]

Weird ass gay sex stuff below. This should probably go into the Gays Only Thread or Sex Thread or Fetishes thread or the Keep Your Personal Life to Yourself For Fucking Once In Your Life You Degenerate Attention Whore thread, but whatever, this one's active. Warned.

I was feeling pretty agitated after work tonight and decided to hit up the bath house to take advantage of the hot tub and sauna, primarily (with any sexing coming my way just a nice bonus). I'm going to skip the rest of the details and get right to the weird part. Me and this big black dude who I fooled around with privately earlier ended up sitting on a couch in the communal area watching Commando on cable while he shoved my feet in his face and kind of tried to get me to sort of choke him with them, which made him moan in ecstasy. This isn't something I find arousing (in fact, dude was much kinkier than me in general, which I didn't mind indulging him a bit but my needs are pretty basic and boring), but the foot massage leading up to it felt good. I'm just really glad Commando was on while this was happening.

[sonofhal]

Let off some steam.

[fatbastard]

Weird ass gay sex stuff below. This should probably go into the Gays Only Thread or Sex Thread or Fetishes thread or the Keep Your Personal Life to Yourself For Fucking Once In Your Life You Degenerate Attention Whore thread, but whatever, this one's active. Warned.

I was feeling pretty agitated after work tonight and decided to hit up the bath house to take advantage of the hot tub and sauna, primarily (with any sexing coming my way just a nice bonus). I'm going to skip the rest of the details and get right to the weird part. Me and this big black dude who I fooled around with privately earlier ended up sitting on a couch in the communal area watching Commando on cable while he shoved my feet in his face and kind of tried to get me to sort of choke him with them, which made him moan in ecstasy. This isn't something I find arousing (in fact, dude was much kinkier than me in general, which I didn't mind indulging him a bit but my needs are pretty basic and boring), but the foot massage leading up to it felt good. I'm just really glad Commando was on while this was happening.

http://jodi-is-diabetic.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/feet.jpg

http://images.wikia.com/movieareawesome/images/4/4d/Bennett_from_commando_goes_ape_shit.jpg

[greghead]

I'm just really glad Commando was on while this was happening.

This is incredible. A+

[M Sparks]

The Effeminate Laughter texted me on Thursday

#1 least popular Batman villian.

Good date last night with Ms Veggie Burger. She's super smart (tutors ESL grad students), kind of sarcastic but only when warranted, likes beer (she invited me to the tapping of a limited edition Strong Porter), and is kind of a bad-ass (she used to be a forest ranger). We have a lot of things in common as far as terrible life situations foisted on us. She's about my age, but I thought she looked about 5-10 years younger...and she told me she had pegged me as much younger than her. She has kind of a natural California surfer type look, which is not normally my thing, but it works on her. We'll see how it goes...

[M Sparks]

People commenting about television shows on their profile would raise a red flag for me.

To be fair, there's a section that asks you, not that you are required to answer.

[M Sparks]

she told me she had pegged me

I should probably reword this before Salah gets here.

[guedita]

#1 least popular Batman villian.

Good date last night with Ms Veggie Burger. She's super smart (tutors ESL grad students), kind of sarcastic but only when warranted, likes beer (she invited me to the tapping of a limited edition Strong Porter), and is kind of a bad-ass (she used to be a forest ranger). We have a lot of things in common as far as terrible life situations foisted on us. She's about my age, but I thought she looked about 5-10 years younger...and she told me she had pegged me as much younger than her. She has kind of a natural California surfer type look, which is not normally my thing, but it works on her. We'll see how it goes...

Emo date.

[Mugwog]

I would say talking about life problems is a poor topic on a date. Making a gal laugh is way more fun than trying to solve life problems

[suprefan]

I would say talking about life problems is a poor topic on a date. Making a gal laugh is way more fun than trying to solve life problems

But Mark isnt 24 like 80% of the board is.

[guedita]

Shared interests: Our Miserable Lives.

[malcolmjamalawesome]

Hobbies: Despair

[guedita]

The other guy I'm quote un quote dating told me that he "didn't understand meta or self referentiality in TV shows until only recently." Gross. But then he told two talkers behind us at a show to shut the fuck up. Not gross.

[chiapet]

he shoved my feet in his face and kind of tried to get me to sort of choke him with them, which made him moan in ecstasy. This isn't something I find arousing (in fact, dude was much kinkier than me in general, which I didn't mind indulging him a bit but my needs are pretty basic and boring), but the foot massage leading up to it felt good.

I always assume that if I'm offered a foot massage, they're going to expect to do something weird involving feet. Hopefully they're only looking to suck them, or be rubbed off with them, I think the choking would be acceptable too.

[bluemamba]

It rubs the lotion on its foot.

[Mugwog]

I always assume that if I'm offered a foot massage, they're going to expect to do something weird involving feet. Hopefully they're only looking to suck them, or be rubbed off with them, I think the choking would be acceptable too. footjobs. Kinky. Never experienced one of those.... I usually find offering a massage is an easy ice breaker to intimacy. Good massages lead to good times :)

[romanticizer]

Wow. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with a foot fetish but I think I would have to kind of know the person - sort of well -- before I choked them out via foot.

I had a snap back into reality this weekend - luckily. I unfortunately have realized that I'm unbelievably still into someone who isn't unbelievably still into me. I missed the boat on that one. But I'm going on a first date this week to get back into the swing of things and not dwelling. I feel better than I have in months. :)

[weeklymix]

I don't have a problem choking people but not in the erotic sense.

[Alchemy]

I think I'm going to abandon OKCupid soon. Its recommendations mostly baffle me, and the people who interact with me are all people I would never want to meet. Online dating seems perfectly logical, but I think I'll only feel at home out there in the wilderness and on the hunt.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOg5VxrRTi0

[Courtney]

I think I am going to stop dating entirely until I'm back in school. Like Alchemy, I'm finding the online selection in mt particular city to be less than motivating. And really, what's the point anyway if I plan to move out of state in 5 months.

[SoulDischarge]

A need for human affection and companionship that doesn't stop just because you have life plans?

[guedita]

The whole OKCupid stuff is sort of exhausting. But it's also a fun way to indulge in my own narcissistic tendencies and to pretend as though I'm an anthropologist in the field.

[chiapet]

It's really exhausting. I'm having the most luck finding people that I actually think are attractive and interesting via the "locals" thing, but I am being too chicken to meet up with someone on the spot.

For example, setting my 'broadcast' last night as something to have to do with the show I was at, got me a ton of messages from guys with really good taste in music. Did I respond to any of them? No... :/

[guedita]

Respond, dummy!

Also: regarding The Effeminate Laughter, am I technically obliged to respond to him in some way? I made my housemate listen to the voicemail he left me because I didn't want to listen to it. He said it sounded as though he wrote down what he was going to say. Etiquette wise, can I do it via text?

[Mugwog]

See Like Crazy***
(regarding Courtneys post)

Boosh: text will let him know you're not that into him

Chiapet: locals is so depressing; I put that I'm ok with average/"curvy" women and the matches are just not clicking at all, especially since a good % of them are not ok with Mary jane



***Shameless plug for friends movie

[chiapet]

You've only gone on one date with effeminate laughter guy, right? Yea, I would just text him (or even email or send a message on OKC) saying you're not interested.

[guedita]

But maybe I should go on a second date with him to get a vocal sample of said effeminate laughing and turn it into a monster techno track.

[weeklymix]

"Right guys?"

Secretly loves him.

[algunz]

But maybe I should go on a second date with him to get a vocal sample of said effeminate laughing and turn it into a monster techno track.

Or at least a fun ring tone.

[shakermaker113]

with your help the guy may never laugh again.

[romanticizer]

I can see it now...You make his laugh into a song, ruin his life and then he will be known as the Effeminate Whimper guy.

[Mugwog]

"Awwwwwww" ala Portlandia
Some lucky girl will love him

[fatbastard]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNu4XTFZurQ&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL2D0CB6280A06D4B9

[greghead]

But maybe I should go on a second date with him to get a vocal sample of said effeminate laughing and turn it into a monster techno track.

Oh fuck yeah, you can make the track with the beat machine other guy bought you. Full circle.

[sonnyboy11]

I love this thread. One of my faves. Please keep posting!

[lehorne]

last bathhouses I read about were in Vidal's The Judgement of Paris. A bunch of Roman boys at your back room disposal. Had no idea they were still going on.

[Starraven]

xf4b-oxNadY

[lehorne]

I know, naïveté. That particular guy eye fucked me so hard a couple years ago at LA LIve before the Primal Scream/BJM show. Had never known that about him.

[M Sparks]

I would say talking about life problems is a poor topic on a date. Making a gal laugh is way more fun than trying to solve life problems


But Mark isnt 24 like 80% of the board is.

When you are older, you tend to do a lot of "How did you get here" talk. Getting to know a person involves finding out what motivates them. And at 40, "why are you single" is important to know. Oh, you've been married 3 times and looking for number 4? That's going to be a red flag. Oh, you were married once for 12 years and now you're interested in being more independent? Awesome, me too... Oh, you're broke, so am I...is it because you are an aimless loser, or are you working your ass off to pull yourself out of a bad situation? Me too... How'd you become a vegetarian...oh, you cured yourself of a terrible disease? I was really sick too.

That doesn't mean dwelling on the gory details. It's just part of getting to know someone. Mostly we just had fun. Although, I suppose if both people WANT someone to wallow in their misery with them, that might work too.

[chairmenmeow47]

that is so gross patrick. i am so weird about feet and find most feet gross. i am super ticklish too. i went to a spa saturday where a lady was rubbing lotion into my feet and i had to keep trying to trick my brain it was me doing the massaging so i wouldn't giggle.

and i'll be having a fourth date sometime this week.

[locachica73]

Yeah, I am pretty anti-feet as well. When I was on dating sites I would automatically delete any message where the guy asked me about my feet/toes. EW.

Marc, is this meetup group just for singles or everyone? I love bar games and need to expand my bar options. The old people bar is making me feel way older than I am. :(

[BROKENDOLL]

The term, "Old people bar" is making me crave a Vodka and Prune Juice right now.

[M Sparks]

Marc, is this meetup group just for singles or everyone? I love bar games and need to expand my bar options. The old people bar is making me feel way older than I am. :(

It probably leans more towards singles, but supposed to be for everyone. It's East Valley-centric though. I'll send you a PM.

[guedita]

We have a lot of things in common as far as terrible life situations foisted on us.


Oh, you were married once for 12 years and now you're interested in being more independent? Awesome, me too... Oh, you're broke, so am I...is it because you are an aimless loser, or are you working your ass off to pull yourself out of a bad situation? Me too... How'd you become a vegetarian...oh, you cured yourself of a terrible disease? I was really sick too.

Not to be a total stick in the mud; but these aren't terrible situations that life has cruelly foisted upon you. They're just regular life things that more or less and to some degree happen to everyone. Unless both you and your date spent a significant amount of time in an iron lung or something.

[MoSetsfire]

When you are older, you tend to do a lot of "How did you get here" talk. Getting to know a person involves finding out what motivates them. And at 40, "why are you single" is important to know. Oh, you've been married 3 times and looking for number 4? That's going to be a red flag. Oh, you were married once for 12 years and now you're interested in being more independent? Awesome, me too... Oh, you're broke, so am I...is it because you are an aimless loser, or are you working your ass off to pull yourself out of a bad situation? Me too... How'd you become a vegetarian...oh, you cured yourself of a terrible disease? I was really sick too.


Can't tell if real story, or Alanis Morrisette song.

[faxman75]

Me and lemonworld are still chatting. We exchange about a message a day. She is Canadian and loves politics but has found it hard to get involved here in AZ. She seems a bit awkward which is perfect. It's getting to the point where i'm going to ask her to go out for a drink or something. I have recieved 2 other messages from ladies that were both very uninteresting, had less than a 50% match and looked scary. I haven't searched the site much or sent any other messages. So far i'm still 1 for 1 in getting replies so I think it's time I search a bit more and send another message.

[M Sparks]

Not to be a total stick in the mud; but these aren't terrible situations that life has cruelly foisted upon you. They're just regular life things that more or less and to some degree happen to everyone. Unless both you and your date spent a significant amount of time in an iron lung or something.

OK, fine, we both have had a lot of the same Obsticltunities (tm) to make ourselves better, stronger people. I'm not going to get into details.

I'm in a good mood for once and somehow that makes me the emo one. What the fuck do you people talk about on dates, your favorite Care Bear? How ice cream tastes good? We talked about shit like music, and funny stories from our life, and gossiped about mutual friends too. Quit zoning in on the negative.

[guedita]

Call me old fashioned but I wait til the third date to discuss Care Bears.

[M Sparks]

What a square.

Call me old fashioned, but I like to call old fashioned people "squares".

[MoSetsfire]

What a square.

Call me old fashioned, but I like to call old fashioned people "squares".

call me new fashioned, but I like to fuck on the first date.

[chairmenmeow47]

call me old fashioned, but i go bare second on a first date.

http://www.ivy.aholic.us/gallery/d/582420-2/lenoraavatar.jpg

[HandBanana]

Me and lemonworld are going to have an interesting time navigating it when you find out she's into pee-pee.

[chiapet]

Her user name is a reference to the National... probably.

[Alchemy]

This spectacular British girl was checking out my profile from the United Kingdom.

This website is misery.

[faxman75]

Her user name is a reference to the National... probably.

Yes, and Jason is just being Jason, he'll never pass up an opportunity for a good pee pee joke. Good lookin' out bro.

[chairmenmeow47]

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/wikiality/images/0/0a/RKelly.jpg

[stuporfly]

I just reopened my OKC account for the sole purpose of offering testimonials on behalf of any of you fools who wants. Lemme know and I'll talk up how you're not a bad credit risk or how big your dick is or whatever.

[chiapet]

I am having difficulty with the degree to which I am interested, or not interested, in people for superficial reasons.

Like, there are a bunch of guys who sound interesting, but they are not attractive, and if I'm to be realistic, I'm not going to go out with them enough times to really give them a chance, really. (So I should probably not accept a first date). It's stupid because I have a bunch of guy friends who are not very attractive, yet I would go out with them since I've already gotten to know them.

[HandBanana]

She can B a fan of The National and still want 2 P in ur butt.

[kitt kat]

I saw my bandmate yesterday for the first time in a while (she's the one who cockblocked me before) and guess what? She did it again!

She starts talking about how awesome her new boyfriend is and then mentions one of his friends has been asking her about me. It's weird because I don't ever remember meeting this guy, but she says I did meet him at our last show; I was in a bad mood that night, so that could explain it. Either way, she explains that this friend of her BF has been asking to get set up with me. Just as I'm about to say something about it ("Oh, that might be interesting. Can you tell me about him?") she says — "But, I told him you wouldn't be interested and that you're not looking for anything right now, so he's stopped asking."

What. The. Fuck.

Am I wrong to be upset about this?

Stupid hot boy kept being stupid and hot this weekend; why would a guy text me unprompted, but be very oblique and awkward in the texts? And then come to a party to hang out with me and then kinda walk away the rest of the night then text me the next day asking why I "disappeared" at said party!?


Finally, last issue —

GUYS: How would you react if a random girl (who found you attractive) just approached you and started talking to you completely unprompted? Would you be turned off/sketched out/creeped out? Or would you at least be receptive? I'm struggling with this one a lot; I can't tell if people are just being nice but are very weirded out by me, so I'm afraid to do this. Similarly, I assume the reaction would be different if you found the girl repulsive; I honestly cannot tell when people find me completely unattractive or not so I generally just avoid them at all costs. I want to know because I'm going to SXSW soon and there's going to be lots of hot dudes there, some of whom I'd have a reason to talk to/I have mutual friends with — but I don't want to be that weirdo who starts talking to you simply because you know the same people or whatever. (I think there's a lot of questions in here...)

[Gribbz]

GUYS: How would you react if a random girl (who found you attractive) just approached you and started talking to you completely unprompted? Would you be turned off/sketched out/creeped out? Or would you at least be receptive? I'm struggling with this one a lot; I can't tell if people are just being nice but are very weirded out by me, so I'm afraid to do this. Similarly, I assume the reaction would be different if you found the girl repulsive; I honestly cannot tell when people find me completely unattractive or not so I generally just avoid them at all costs. I want to know because I'm going to SXSW soon and there's going to be lots of hot dudes there, some of whom I'd have a reason to talk to/I have mutual friends with — but I don't want to be that weirdo who starts talking to you simply because you know the same people or whatever. (I think there's a lot of questions in here...)
I love it when women approach me. All guys should. I think it shows confidence (a quality which most find attractive).

[chairmenmeow47]

i find that internet men say the like it when women approach, but whenever i approach men in the real world, it doesn't go over well at all. i've given up.

[greghead]

I love it when women approach me. All guys should. I think it shows confidence (a quality which most find attractive).

I agree. I'd be into it.

Just don't do it when my girlfriend's around, she gets violent.

[HandBanana]

When girls make the first move it is so unexpected that we just assume they are being friendly and since we dont want to be "that guy" that doesnt take "no" for an answer and is too aggressive we usually just hang back a bit.
Sometimes it isnt til much later that we realize we were being hit on at all.
Hell, my girlfriend of the last 2 and a half years had to get me over to her house and into her bed before I got the hint. And no, Im not kidding.

[Gribbz]

When girls make the first move it is so unexpected that we just assume they are being friendly and since we dont want to be "that guy" that doesnt take "no" for an answer and is too aggressive we usually just hang back a bit.
Sometimes it isnt til much later that we realize we were being hit on at all.
Hell, my girlfriend of the last 2 and a half years had to get me over to her house and into her bed before I got the hint. And no, Im not kidding.
Obliviousness can definitely play a factor. Also, some guys are just pussies.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

i say talk to the random dudes. having mutual friends is always a good starting point for conversations. i think it is refreshing when a woman has confidence and brains to initiate and keep a conversation. at worst, you'll just weird them out and that could be good for them in the long run.

[MoSetsfire]

I saw my bandmate yesterday for the first time in a while (she's the one who cockblocked me before) and guess what? She did it again!


She starts talking about how awesome her new boyfriend is and then mentions one of his friends has been asking her about me. It's weird because I don't ever remember meeting this guy, but she says I did meet him at our last show; I was in a bad mood that night, so that could explain it. Either way, she explains that this friend of her BF has been asking to get set up with me. Just as I'm about to say something about it ("Oh, that might be interesting. Can you tell me about him?") she says — "But, I told him you wouldn't be interested and that you're not looking for anything right now, so he's stopped asking."

What. The. Fuck.

Am I wrong to be upset about this?

Have you tried explaining to her that you are looking for somebody?


Stupid hot boy kept being stupid and hot this weekend; why would a guy text me unprompted, but be very oblique and awkward in the texts? And then come to a party to hang out with me and then kinda walk away the rest of the night then text me the next day asking why I "disappeared" at said party!?

Were you acting standoffish?



Finally, last issue —

GUYS: How would you react if a random girl (who found you attractive) just approached you and started talking to you completely unprompted? Would you be turned off/sketched out/creeped out? Or would you at least be receptive? I'm struggling with this one a lot; I can't tell if people are just being nice but are very weirded out by me, so I'm afraid to do this. Similarly, I assume the reaction would be different if you found the girl repulsive; I honestly cannot tell when people find me completely unattractive or not so I generally just avoid them at all costs. I want to know because I'm going to SXSW soon and there's going to be lots of hot dudes there, some of whom I'd have a reason to talk to/I have mutual friends with — but I don't want to be that weirdo who starts talking to you simply because you know the same people or whatever. (I think there's a lot of questions in here...)

Never let the world make you jaded, go into every conversation with an open mind, and a closed heart. Just talk and if they talk back in a way that pleases you continue the conversation. If they don't then end the conversation and walk away. But don't try and walk away or stay on anyone else's behalf.

This is a quote from shit my dad says, but if you switch the word "woman" for "man" it fits.

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."


PS. I will also be at SxSW. Have you ever been? I go just about every year since its a quick drive down I-35

[IceyHotshot]

I know it shouldn't be this way, but the few (less than a handful of times) a girl has approached me, I have gotten super defensive. I assume they are trying to mess with me for laughs later, because I don't understand why anyone would hit on me. Obviously this means I reply negatively to getting hit on.

[stuporfly]

When girls make the first move it is so unexpected that we just assume they are being friendly and since we dont want to be "that guy" that doesnt take "no" for an answer and is too aggressive we usually just hang back a bit.
Sometimes it isnt til much later that we realize we were being hit on at all.
Hell, my girlfriend of the last 2 and a half years had to get me over to her house and into her bed before I got the hint. And no, Im not kidding.

Same scene over here. I think my girlfriend might have actually had to take me by the hand and tell me we were going to make out before I knew what was what. I'm also an idiot, though.

[faxman75]

Finally, last issue —

GUYS: How would you react if a random girl (who found you attractive) just approached you and started talking to you completely unprompted? Would you be turned off/sketched out/creeped out? Or would you at least be receptive? I'm struggling with this one a lot; I can't tell if people are just being nice but are very weirded out by me, so I'm afraid to do this. Similarly, I assume the reaction would be different if you found the girl repulsive; I honestly cannot tell when people find me completely unattractive or not so I generally just avoid them at all costs. I want to know because I'm going to SXSW soon and there's going to be lots of hot dudes there, some of whom I'd have a reason to talk to/I have mutual friends with — but I don't want to be that weirdo who starts talking to you simply because you know the same people or whatever. (I think there's a lot of questions in here...)

I don't get the weireded or creeped out thing at all. If an attractive girl talked to me I would not run away. She can be an attractice friend, acquaintance or stranger. There is nothing at all wrong with a girl approaching a guy and starting conversation.

[kitt kat]

Were you acting standoffish?

Not that I thought! I was the one who texted him saying he should come after he had asked me what I was up to. I've been trying to get him to just hang out with me so we can sleep together again for weeks now. He's clueless.


I know it shouldn't be this way, but the few (less than a handful of times) a girl has approached me, I have gotten super defensive. I assume they are trying to mess with me for laughs later, because I don't understand why anyone would hit on me. Obviously this means I reply negatively to getting hit on.

Yeah, this is how I react when guys talk to me...on the rare occasion that they do talk to me, anyway.

[Alchemy]

I'll hear the girl out if she has randomly approached me. (Depending on where I am, I'll probably have the shields up, but I would be cautious of anybody who randomly approached me - not just random girls.) I admit that if the girl is unattractive, and she's just trying to get to know me (as in, she has nothing important to tell me), I probably will not contribute much to the conversation. If she is a delightful and pretty person, I will celebrate her sudden appearance, and later on, she will become my lover.

[Gribbz]

Kat, perhaps make some eye contact before actually approaching him? I think eye contact is pretty telling. At least for me.

[kitt kat]

Kat, perhaps make some eye contact before actually approaching him? I think eye contact is pretty telling. At least for me.

I am frightened just thinking about that.

What usually happens when I see a guy I think is cute somewhere and I'm looking his direction is that he'll notice and then it will get very awkward. The guy's reaction is usually one of "WTF why is this weird girl looking at me" and then I desperately try to play it off like I was looking somewhere else, distracted. The I run away.

[Gribbz]

I am frightened just thinking about that.

What usually happens when I see a guy I think is cute somewhere and I'm looking his direction is that he'll notice and then it will get very awkward. The guy's reaction is usually one of "WTF why is this weird girl looking at me" and then I desperately try to play it off like I was looking somewhere else, distracted. The I run away.

This is what I would be thinking: "Hey, this cute girl is looking at me. I'm going to go introduce myself." I understand that this isn't easy for some guys, but it doesn't get any more obvious than that. I mean, what more do guys need?

[MoSetsfire]

This is what I would be thinking: "Hey, this cute girl is looking at me. I'm going to go introduce myself." I understand that this isn't easy for some guys, but it doesn't get any more obvious than that.

Dale is like Coachella Yoda right now.

[kitt kat]

Yeah, I don't think most guys think like that, though. Maybe it's just where I live or the kind of guys I'm into — but it always seems like they're horribly offended by my presence.

[IceyHotshot]

I am frightened just thinking about that.

What usually happens when I see a guy I think is cute somewhere and I'm looking his direction is that he'll notice and then it will get very awkward. The guy's reaction is usually one of "WTF why is this weird girl looking at me" and then I desperately try to play it off like I was looking somewhere else, distracted. The I run away.

Haha, this is like my exact reaction when I see a girl lock eyes with me (swapping the word girl for guy). I think that's just your own internal diaglogue though and I doubt it's what the guy is actually thinking. Instead of looking away, why not smile? Even if you aren't confident, play it off like you are!

[Gribbz]

Yeah, I don't think most guys think like that, though. Maybe it's just where I live or the kind of guys I'm into — but it always seems like they're horribly offended by my presence.
Back in the day, I probably would have been "weirded out" by it as well(I was overweight in high school). I guess I just have a lot more confidence now.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I guess it depends on exactly what the girl's facial expression is. If you look fucking terrified when we catch you looking at us, we're probably not going to approach you.

[kitt kat]

Why wouldn't you? I'm pretty shy and I'd rather the guy come start a conversation so I don't feel horribly embarrassed.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

Yeah, I don't think most guys think like that, though. Maybe it's just where I live or the kind of guys I'm into — but it always seems like they're horribly offended by my presence.

nobody is going to be offended by anyone's presence based off of a brief meeting with a complete stranger. you would have to say some really offensive shit or smell bad.

[kitt kat]

I meant offended as in...my physical appearance makes their dicks go limp.

[Gribbz]

I'm pretty shy and I'd rather the guy come start a conversation so I don't feel horribly embarrassed.

Like I said, when you make that kind of eye contact you're more or less spelling it out. I would smack one of my friends if they didn't approach you after that.

[MoSetsfire]

I meant offended as in...my physical appearance makes their dicks go limp.

Do you have a picture up anywhere? your posts make it sound like you look deformed. the curiosity is killing me.

[IceyHotshot]

Do you have a picture up anywhere? your posts make it sound like you look deformed. the curiosity is killing me.

She does and she is attractive.

[Alchemy]

I guess it depends on exactly what the girl's facial expression is. If you look fucking terrified when we catch you looking at us, we're probably not going to approach you.

Haha. I do not want a girl to eye me as though I were a serial killer who murdered her family in the distant past, then vanished from the world only to exist in her nightmares, and have now taken an unexpected manifestation in the physical realm.

Pretty much the only thing that truly works is a smile.

[chiapet]

Listen to Dale and not all the guys telling you it would be weird. I don't think a message board is the best place to seek advice on this. It's not a stretch to say that a lot of people spending their whole day playing on the internet are just a bit socially awkward and that their reactions in these social situations are not typical.

While I fucking suck at hitting on people, I think I'm pretty good at putting people to ease and getting them to talk, when I want to. As you said, you have mutual friends and interests that are a reason to approach these guys in the first place. Get them talking on a subject that interests them (should be easy at SXSW, right?). If you find what they are saying, TELL THEM. It's as simple as saying that's interesting / that's cool / etc, and 1) letting them know they're not boring you to death, and 2) flattering them a bit by being impressed by their tastes / knowledge / etc if appropriate. Once you are sure the guy is interested in having a conversation with you, it's easy enough to get a date-like situation out of it: I've really enjoyed hanging out with you, would you like to get a drink later? dinner tomorrow? etc.

[MoSetsfire]

Listen to Dale and not all the guys telling you it would be weird. I don't think a message board is the best place to seek advise on this. It's not a stretch to say that a lot of people spending their whole day playing on the internet are just a bit socially awkward and that their reactions in these social situations are not typical.

While I fucking suck at hitting on people, I think I'm pretty good at putting people to ease and getting them to talk, when I want to. As you said, you have mutual friends and interests that are a reason to approach these guys in the first place. Get them talking on a subject that interests them (should be easy at SXSW, right?). If you find what they are saying, TELL THEM. It's as simple as saying that's interesting / that's cool / etc, and 1) letting them know they're not boring you to death, and 2) flattering them a bit by being impressed by their tastes / knowledge / etc if appropriate. Once you are sure the guy is interested in having a conversation with you, it's easy enough to get a date-like situation out of it: I've really enjoyed hanging out with you, would you like to get a drink later? dinner tomorrow? etc.

In all fairness I mostly use this board to avoid working.

[Gribbz]

Dale is like Coachella Yoda right now.


Listen to Dale and not all the guys telling you it would be weird.

*Cough*

[OnlyNonStranger]

This is the greatest day of your life, isn't it gribbz?

[Gribbz]

This is the greatest day of your life, isn't it gribbz?

I think I'm just stating the obvious. When a girl keeps giving you looks she's most likely interested.

I feel like I'm in the twilight zone explaining all of this.

[guedita]

I stare at people all the time and it's not usually because I'm interested. It's because I'm disgusted.

[GuyInTucson]

I meant offended as in...my physical appearance makes their dicks go limp.

http://rlv.zcache.ca/fishing_for_compliments_card-p137087358563725526z857a_400.jpg

[kitt kat]

Ugh, it's NOT FISHING! I just don't think the guys I'm attracted to are the kind of guys who would find someone like me attractive. I only ever get hit on by cholos.

[guedita]

I only ever get hit on by nerdy hipster types when I'm secretly pining after the cholos at the end of the bar. It's a rough life.

[MoSetsfire]

we need a new picture thread. some one not me needs to start it.

[Tubesock Shakur]

post nudez and I will tell you the truth.

[Tubesock Shakur]

I only ever get hit on by nerdy hipster types when I'm secretly pining after the cholos at the end of the bar. It's a rough life.

You mean cholas?

[IceyHotshot]

we need a new picture thread. some one not me needs to start it.

The one we have already works fine...

[Gribbz]

J$$$, just tell these guys to stop being pussies.

[guedita]

You mean cholas?

I actually meant churros.

[Tubesock Shakur]

Rack city.

[westcoastpirate]

I stare at people all the time and it's not usually because I'm interested. It's because I'm disgusted.


I only ever get hit on by nerdy hipster types when I'm secretly pining after the cholos at the end of the bar. It's a rough life.

Pure gold.

[westcoastpirate]

I actually meant churros.

I just shot water out of my nose.

[stuporfly]

I think I'm just stating the obvious. When a girl keeps looking at you she's interested.

Or you have food in your teeth.

I obviously know nothing about how these interactions play out for you in real life, Kat, but if you come off half as fatalistic when you go up to a guy as you've made it seem in this thread, that could be part of the problem. The confidence Matt mentioned is probably about more than just having the courage to sidle up to someone and start a conversation. If you give off a vibe that you're worried your "physical appearance makes their dick go limp," it might be difficult for a fellow to know you're into him, whether he's picking up on your exact concern or not.

No one is attractive to everyone, so it's a gamble. But aside from a steady flow of oversized sunglasses remarks, I think plenty of people around here have let you know they think you're easy on the eyes when you post pictures. If you can own that a bit more and approach an eligible gentleman with a comfortable confidence, you might have better luck.

[Alchemy]

The problem might be that when Kat approaches guys she starts with, "Oh god, I've made your dick limp, I'm sorry! Look away! I'm hideous!!!"

[kitt kat]

The problem might be that when Kat approaches guys she starts with, "Oh god, I've made your dick limp, I'm sorry! Look away! I'm hideous!!!"

:(

No, because I never go up and talk to guys. When guys have approached me in the past, I usually freeze up and look at the floor and act kind of rude/disinterested usually because 1. I'm not interested 2. I am mortified

[Gribbz]

I obviously know nothing about how these interactions play out for you in real life, Kat, but if you come off half as fatalistic when you go up to a guy as you've made it seem in this thread, that could be part of the problem. The confidence Matt mentioned is probably about more than just having the courage to sidle up to someone and start a conversation. If you give off a vibe that you're worried your "physical appearance makes their dick go limp," it might be difficult for a fellow to know you're into him, whether he's picking up on your exact concern or not.

No one is attractive to everyone, so it's a gamble. But aside from a steady flow of oversized sunglasses remarks, I think plenty of people around here have let you know they think you're easy on the eyes when you post pictures. If you can own that a bit more and approach an eligible gentleman with a comfortable confidence, you might have better luck.


The problem might be that when Kat approaches guys she starts with, "Oh god, I've made your dick limp, I'm sorry! Look away! I'm hideous!!!"

x100000000000000000000000000000000000

[lt.roast.a.botch]

ah limp dick. either too much whiskey/drugs or lack of chemistry.

[frizzlefry]

I was going to be one of those assholes that spouts "Shutup and just talk to those guys stupid cute girl" but then I just remembered I probably sent similar messages of repulsion to a cute girl at a party very recently. She started a conversation with me and there was definitely some chemistry but then drugs were involved on my part which made me paranoid and awkward. The more I think about it the more I realized I very awkwardly shied (nearly ran) away from what had to be a direct come-on...I just got so embarrassed. I bet she was put off by that if not a little hurt. And of course when it came time to say goodbye I failed that miserably even though I was pretty sober, I didn't ask for a number or anything just a quick required hug, she must have known that I was intoxicated but I;m sure that didn't help her ego at all. So yeah don't be dismayed if a couple guys seem perturbed by your presence if you are a cute female, (which you are, get over it) I would likely pin it on a myriad of stupid reasons on our part: we're awkward idiots, we're fucked up (if at a party or concert), or we simply are misreading any signs sent by you, or god forbid there wasn't any chemistry. I think you're opinion of men is terribly low as well, I would hope that I can speak for most men and say that we won't run away from you or insult you upon contact if we don't find you extremely attractive, maybe I'm just an idealist though.

[GuyInTucson]

Ugh, it's NOT FISHING! I just don't think the guys I'm attracted to are the kind of guys who would find someone like me attractive. I only ever get hit on by cholos.

Ok but what is "someone like me"?

I mean, if you aren't fishing for compliments then I take it you are an insecure girl who overthinks when it comes to guys.

[kitt kat]

Ok but what is "someone like me"?

Meaning not tall/big boobed/blonde/stylish/thin and instead opinionated/angry/homely.

[chiapet]

Oh, christ, you're horrible, Kat. The reason guys aren't responding to you is not because you're ugly but because your attitude is horrible.

Honestly if you did not approach this with such a terrible attitude, you would do just fine.

[Alchemy]

:(

No, because I never go up and talk to guys. When guys have approached me in the past, I usually freeze up and look at the floor and act kind of rude/disinterested usually because 1. I'm not interested 2. I am mortified

It is perfectly fine to act disinterested when you are not interested.

It is also normal to blush, trip over your words, or hit a blank here and there when being approached by somebody. If you experience a feeling that is more intense than that, you are probably suffering from some kind of anxiety issue. In fact, I will go ahead and diagnose you with that right now - which is official in the country of Mexico. You should greet this as good news, because it is not as bad as having a Lovecraftian appearance that sends mens' penises into madness - as you seem to think you do.

I recommend that you talk with these cholos so that you may build your social confidence. After all, there aren't many people more frightening than cholos.

[GuyInTucson]

Oh, christ, you're horrible, Kat. The reason guys aren't responding to you is not because you're ugly but because your attitude is horrible.

Honestly if you did not approach this with such a terrible attitude, you would do just fine.

Totally agree. I just now saw this girl's pic in the picture thread and I honestly don't know why in the fuck she says she's unattractive. It's also why there is a side of me that thinks she's fishing for someone to tell her what she wants to hear on here.

[Alchemy]

Meaning not tall/big boobed/blonde/stylish/thin and instead opinionated/angry/homely.

I am more of an average height/butt is much more important than boobs/brunette/stylish/thin fan.

[Gribbz]

Oh, christ, you're horrible, Kat. The reason guys aren't responding to you is not because you're ugly but because your attitude is horrible.

Yes. I feel like we've told her this over and over and over.

[GuyInTucson]

Yes. I feel like we've told her this over and over and over.

It's because we have.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

but what about opinionated/angry/homely?

[frizzlefry]

Totally agree. I just now saw this girl's pic in the picture thread and I honestly don't know why in the fuck she says she's unattractive. It's also why there is a side of me that thinks she's fishing for someone to tell her what she wants to hear on here.

Going through this thread more thoroughly has me thinking the same thing actually

[kitt kat]

Oh, christ, you're horrible, Kat. The reason guys aren't responding to you is not because you're ugly but because your attitude is horrible.

Honestly if you did not approach this with such a terrible attitude, you would do just fine.

Well that's my question. How do I speak with some random person I find attractive (and would probably like to sleep with) without coming off as a jerk with a horrible attitude?

EDIT: You know, getting told over and over that my insecurities and low self esteem are just attempts at fishing for compliments isn't doing much to, you know, help my low self esteem.

[JorgeC]

I saw my bandmate yesterday for the first time in a while (she's the one who cockblocked me before) and guess what? She did it again!

She starts talking about how awesome her new boyfriend is and then mentions one of his friends has been asking her about me. It's weird because I don't ever remember meeting this guy, but she says I did meet him at our last show; I was in a bad mood that night, so that could explain it. Either way, she explains that this friend of her BF has been asking to get set up with me. Just as I'm about to say something about it ("Oh, that might be interesting. Can you tell me about him?") she says — "But, I told him you wouldn't be interested and that you're not looking for anything right now, so he's stopped asking."

What. The. Fuck.

Am I wrong to be upset about this?

Did you ask her why she said that? She does know that you are actually interested in meeting guys right? I'm sure you can ask in a non-confrontational way so as to not start a fight. No need to be mad, but getting another person's perspective (her's in this case) always helps.

[frizzlefry]

Our secondary education is in a sad state if this is a legitimate question

[guedita]

Kat, how did you meet your last boyfriend? I'm assuming that at some point the two of you conversed and got to know each other, right?

[GuyInTucson]

Well that's my question. How do I speak with some random person I find attractive (and would probably like to sleep with) without coming off as a jerk with a horrible attitude?

EDIT: You know, getting told over and over that my insecurities and low self esteem are just attempts at fishing for compliments isn't doing much to, you know, help my low self esteem.

You've already acknowledged that you are an angry person, so you seem fully aware of how you act towards others. So, it's simple: stop being a person that comes off as a jerk with a horrible attitude.

EDIT: Nothing anyone has said here has helped you with your supposed low self esteem. What's your point?

[kitt kat]

Did you ask her why she said that? She does know that you are actually interested in meeting guys right? I'm sure you can ask in a non-confrontational way so as to not start a fight. No need to be mad, but getting another person's perspective (her's in this case) always helps.


She does know. I have told her numerous times how I would like to just start casually dating people and to break out of my shell; she's just really self-centered.

[kitt kat]

Kat, how did you meet your last boyfriend? I'm assuming that at some point the two of you conversed and got to know each other, right?

At a party in college. He put on Velvet Underground, I asked "Who put on the Velvet Underground?" and he came over and started talking to me.

[Gribbz]

EDIT: You know, getting told over and over that my insecurities and low self esteem are just attempts at fishing for compliments isn't doing much to, you know, help my low self esteem.

It's just frustrating to see someone routinely asking for advice and then not ever taking it.

[Alchemy]

Kat, go up to him and say, "Hey, how's it going? I like your shirt. Do you come here often? Do you go to school? Oh yeah? Cool. What are you studying? Cool. What kind of music do you like? Oh yeah, they are cool!"

Don't go up to him and say, "Hey, I want to fuck you, you cunt! Nevermind! Fuck!" and then storm off. Don't do that.

By the way, to put it all to rest:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzpmscZv2i1qzu13ao1_500.png

There is the great horror in the flesh. Call me crazy, but I'd hit it.

Of course, I'm also a cholo, so I don't know if that helps anything.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

First, you need to figure yourself out and be comfortable with what you got and not what the media says you should be. Second, you need better friends. Then you should talk to random people. Consider moving to the Bay Area and out of the LA bubble.

[ods..]

THIS THREAD FUCKING SUCKS

[guedita]

So, it's simple: stop being a person that comes off as a jerk with a horrible attitude.

Disagree with this advice; I'm doing pretty well in the dating world.

[guedita]

Of course, I'm also a cholo, so I don't know if that helps anything.

Hey baby.

[spiggums]

Well that's my question. How do I speak with some random person I find attractive (and would probably like to sleep with) without coming off as a jerk with a horrible attitude?


"Hi, my name's Kat. What's your name?" (simple, basic, to the point)

"Hi, I'm Kat... great band tonight, yeah?" (obviously only if in a situation where you've seen a band)

"Hi, I'm Kat... Can I buy you a drink?" (no reason a woman can't offer to buy a man a drink... had it happen before and it was a bit disarming... which isn't a bad thing)

"Hi, I'm Kat... What are your top five desert island albums?" ( had a woman come up to me and ask this once and it led to a good hour long discussion about music)

No reason to over think things!

[Alchemy]

Hey baby.

Orale!

EDIT: This exchange between Cara and I should teach all of you how to find love and lust in today's post-9/11 world. Notice the clear and concise opening that she made. Notice the confidence and pride that I replied with. The lesson is finished. None of you should have any excuses from now on.

[GuyInTucson]

Disagree with this advice; I'm doing pretty well in the dating world.

Difference being that you are completely secure with who you are while she is not secure with herself at all (unless it's an ugly guy that wants her. Then, well, she's totally secure with who she is).

[TomAz]

Someone should start "The Thread In Which We Psychoanalyze Kit Katt's Text Messages and Sex Life".

[JorgeC]

Hey baby.


Orale!

When did you become a churro?

[chiapet]

Someone should start "The Thread In Which We Psychoanalyze Kit Katt's Text Messages and Sex Life".

No one would read that thread except to troll.

[algunz]

Kat, I have to admit that I feel like you're fishing too whether purposefully or not . . . How many times do you have to hear it until you can learn to actually believe it and accept it. You are intelligent and beautiful. Nobody is going to embrace that in you until you can embrace it in yourself. "It's the greatest love of all."

[Gribbz]

It's just frustrating to see someone routinely asking for advice and then never taking it.
...

[Alchemy]

When did you become a churro?

It is my heritage, vato.

[Mugwog]

How about you go on dates with all the guys on the board in the LA area and we fill out testimonials on how we felt about said dates. We can play scenarios where you hit on us and we hit on you, save a stranded kitten, etc etc at a record store/show/trendy eatery meeting fantasy etc

You will have to put out if 3 rounds of drinks are finished. Shots do not count as rounds unless Kat wills it so to speed up to the sexual compatability round. We will test the limits of you making our penis soft. If you choose to further challenge us, you can wear a cutout print of Boosh looking angry and disapproving to make sure we focus on the body that is said to not be attractive by Kat. Fat guys to the front of the line

[AlecEiffel]

One thing I have noticed when ladies do the approaching is that they will often walk up, coyly say "hi" and then awkwardly stand there. Don't do that. If you initiate the situation, you should be in charge of the conversation in my opinion.

Also, one time this woman came up to me, interrupted a conversation I was already having, and started aggressively telling me over and over again how much I looked like Pete Yorn and it kind of scared the shit out of me, so don't do something like that either.

Also, Kat, it's clear that you do have self esteem issues and even if you are trolling for compliments here it just plays into that, but if that above picture is accurate you look like fucking Milla Kunis. For you to constantly berate yourself physically is pretty offensive to all of us here who actually are hideous CHUDS.

[Mugwog]

At a party in college. He put on Velvet Underground, I asked "Who put on the Velvet Underground?" and he came over and started talking to me.

Like I said we can provide a record/music fantasy

Also if you think a guy is attractive in a bar, just approach him and leave yourself open to you. Send him signals to approach you or perhaps buy him a drink and start a convo.

Or just grab his ass, he'll turn around you grab his nuts and offer some fun. You can form the relationship after you bone and feel an opportunity to be intimate. Or take down a new number of some good local cock you can ring up

[Miroir Noir]

When guys have approached me in the past, I usually freeze up and look at the floor and act kind of rude/disinterested usually because 1. I'm not interested 2. I am mortified

1) If you're not interested, you're not interested.

2) What are you afraid of? Seriously? Everyone here -- regardless of their looks, personality, conversational style, level of self esteem, or historical level of luck with the opposite/same sex -- has been rejected in the course of a pickup, or has choked under pressure. It's okay to fail, but it's not okay to not give yourself another chance.

You live in the second-largest metropolitan area in the United States. Even if you were the member of the most ridiculous, insular subculture imaginable you could surely find many people with whom you would be perfectly compatible. I get it, shutting off the anxiety switch is not easy. But if you can do it, there's no reason to believe that you can't find success.

[Mugwog]

Kat, go up to him and say, "Hey, how's it going? I like your shirt. Do you come here often? Do you go to school? Oh yeah? Cool. What are you studying? Cool. What kind of music do you like? Oh yeah, they are cool!"

Don't go up to him and say, "Hey, I want to fuck you, you cunt! Nevermind! Fuck!" and then storm off. Don't do that.

By the way, to put it all to rest:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzpmscZv2i1qzu13ao1_500.png

There is the great horror in the flesh. Call me crazy, but I'd hit it.

Of course, I'm also a cholo, so I don't know if that helps anything.

Kat you sexy and you know it. Just stop thinking so much and stop worrying so much about the one true love. It doesn't always work that way

[chiapet]

Kat, you've mentioned before that you see a therapist. I assume you've talked with him/her about social anxiety? If you truly are not fishing for compliments and reassurance here, and are that "mortified" at the idea of talking to another person, this is something far better suited for conversation with your therapist than with internet strangers.

[Still-ill]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzpmscZv2i1qzu13ao1_500.png


Wanna join my baaaaand?

[Robin]

Ugh. I can't believe I just wasted all this time catching up on this thread.

It makes me want to drink when I get home tonight, then return with a reply on how I truly feel.

[Mugwog]

Do it

Or weekly: bust out spiderman cuz it's turning into a Kat thread again

[kitt kat]

Ugh, I just spent 10 minutes crying in my car. I am a failure :(

[Mugwog]

Do you masturbate?

[Hysteria]

I find it kind of hard to believe that the woman in the pic up there is having a hard time finding a relationship! She's very attractive. Of course I haven't read any of the past 98 pages so I have no idea whats wrong with her, if anything.

But on another note, I just recently got into a relationship this past month after purposely avoiding any serious relationships for about 3 years. I don't wanna divulge too much here but it's weird, things with this girl are going kinda fast. The way I feel for her now is how I felt about another chick after about 7 months into that relationship. It's a little frightening because I'm not the type to allow myself to feel vulnerable to anyone that I just met a couple of months ago.

So I ask of you boardies, do you think my strong feelings for this girl are merely because I haven't allowed myself to get close to anyone for several years? Should I slow things down?

[amyzzz]

Kat, I'm sorry you are feeling low. I understand what you're going through and it sucks. It will get better with practice.

[MoSetsfire]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzpmscZv2i1qzu13ao1_500.png


thats you? gtfo. You have a very warped sense of self-perception. You are very cute.

[chiapet]

I don't think you should slow things down unless there are other reasons, warning signs, that you should not develop strong feelings for this person. Sometimes it just happens, why fight it? Are you worried that your feelings for her are stronger than hers for you, or is it just a matter of thinking it's too early in the relationship to care so much? If the latter (and provided she feels similarly), holding back probably only risks jeopardizing the growing relationship.

[Mugwog]

Well I feel the more you date the more you know what you want and what you don't. If she's good to you and you're good to her. Go for it. Especially if you have minimal conflicts and when you do you can speak about them like adults and reason rather than bicker.

[amyzzz]

And everyone else can just shut the fuck up about Kat.

[Gribbz]

^ Oh go fuck yourself. We've been trying to help her.

[guedita]

I texted The Effeminate Laugher to say that I wasn't interested in going on a second date and he responded IMMEDIATELY with:


Let me know if you change your mind. We could always just be friends.

[Hysteria]

I don't think you should slow things down unless there are other reasons, warning signs, that you should not develop strong feelings for this person. Sometimes it just happens, why fight it? Are you worried that your feelings for her are stronger than hers for you, or is it just a matter of thinking it's too early in the relationship to care so much? If the latter (and provided she feels similarly), holding back probably only risks jeopardizing the growing relationship.

I'm not worried that my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me. She's reciprocated how I felt for her.

I guess it is just that I think it might be too early for me to feel that way about someone.


Well I feel the more you date the more you know what you want and what you don't. If she's good to you and you're good to her. Go for it. Especially if you have minimal conflicts and when you do you can speak about them like adults and reason rather than bicker.

Yea that's one thing that I absolutely love about this girl. She doesn't play any of those bullshit high school games. If there's something wrong we can just talk about it with no beating around the bush shenanigans.

Thanks for the insight! I still feel a bit strange about it but I won't let that hold me back from expressing how I truly feel about her

[algunz]

Do you masturbate?

I think this is a really good question. Kat?

[kitt kat]

Even if I did, I don't see how that would help with the crippling social anxiety, the overwhelming feeling of FOREVER ALONE and the intense self-loathing I've been experiencing since getting my heart broken.

[Hysteria]

Maybe you feel that way because you HAVEN'T been masturbating? It's a good release, you should try it sometime.

[Gribbz]

Even if I did, I don't see how that would help with the crippling social anxiety, the overwhelming feeling of FOREVER ALONE and the intense self-loathing I've been experiencing since getting my heart broken.

Have you considered trying and accepting ANY of the advice we've given you today? I feel like all of this is going through one ear and out the other.


EDIT* This is why people think you're fishing for compliments. You come to this thread and don't accept any of the advice anybody offers. Same process over and over.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

From personal experience, I think those strong feelings are because you havent been close to anyone in several years and that is what you remember what a relationship should be. The fact you are asking if you should slow down, on face, indicates that you are going too fast. But I think whether to slow down or not depends on the other girl. If she is okay with the pace then I would guess it is okay. On the other hand if it is you who is initiating the pace then it might be a good idea to step back and slow it down so that both of you are comfortable. Should be something to talk out.

edit to note that i need to type faster on this board

[IceyHotshot]

Forget it.

[chiapet]

I'm not worried that my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me. She's reciprocated how I felt for her.

I guess it is just that I think it might be too early for me to feel that way about someone.

Well, as long as the other person isn't out of sync with how you're feeling, I don't think there is really a 'too early.' Granted, we probably all know people who "fall in love" constantly -- that's concerning -- but since this isn't a pattern for you, I say go with it. My parents only knew each other for a couple of months before they got married... they divorced eventually but they had 20+ happy years first.

It's definitely scary, there was one guy I dated that I absolutely adored after only a few WEEKS, more or less let him move in with me at that point - something I didn't allow guys I'd dated for over a year to do. It didn't work out, but I don't regret the relationship or caring about him so much and so early.

Edited to add: Neither of us had been out of the market for very long either, and we were both the type to not be very forthcoming expressing our feelings, so it was unexpected and unsettling. Our friends took great pleasure in teasing us about it.

[algunz]

Self love can be the hardest to achieve. If masturbation is awkward or unsatisfying, i think it says a lot.

You've shared most every other aspect of your dating and internal turmoil. Why would this topic be off limits?

[Mugwog]

I texted The Effeminate Laugher to say that I wasn't interested in going on a second date and he responded IMMEDIATELY with:

Awwwwwww!

[GuyInTucson]

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/45/thread-delivers.jpg

[psychic friend]

I only ever get hit on by nerdy hipster types when I'm secretly pining after the cholos at the end of the bar. It's a rough life.

this made me LOL for real.

[chiapet]

Have you considered trying and accepting ANY of the advice we've given you today? I feel like all of this is going through one ear and out the other.


EDIT* This is why people think you're fishing for compliments. You come to this thread and don't accept any of the advice anybody offers. Same process over and over.

I agree, and I don't know why you even post on this thread when you reject any advice you're given and don't seem willing to change your approach, even after asking why it's not working.

If your approach is not working, and has never worked, then you either have to change it, or become comfortable being alone. I'm not trying to be harsh, just blunt. It's a lesson I've had to learn myself, and while it's hard to act outside of my comfort zone, I decided the alternative (being single all the time, or at least never getting the interest of guys I'm into) was no longer an option. I have made a fool of myself a few times by hitting on people who turned out to not be interested, and it was mortifying for a while, but I survived it. :)

[suprefan]

And everyone else can just shut the fuck up about Kat.

Just like you should just shut the fuck up in general?

[Hysteria]

From personal experience, I think those strong feelings are because you havent been close to anyone in several years and that is what you remember what a relationship should be. The fact you are asking if you should slow down, on face, indicates that you are going too fast. But I think whether to slow down or not depends on the other girl. If she is okay with the pace then I would guess it is okay. On the other hand if it is you who is initiating the pace then it might be a good idea to step back and slow it down so that both of you are comfortable. Should be something to talk out.

edit to note that i need to type faster on this board

She kinda set the pace! But I didn't find myself having a problem with it at all so I went along with it.


Well, as long as the other person isn't out of sync with how you're feeling, I don't think there is really a 'too early.' Granted, we probably all know people who "fall in love" constantly -- that's concerning -- but since this isn't a pattern for you, I say go with it. My parents only knew each other for a couple of months before they got married... they divorced eventually but they had 20+ happy years first.

It's definitely scary, there was one guy I dated that I absolutely adored after only a few WEEKS, more or less let him move in with me at that point - something I didn't allow guys I'd dated for over a year to do. It didn't work out, but I don't regret the relationship or caring about him so much and so early.

Edited to add: Neither of us had been out of the market for very long either, and we were both the type to not be very forthcoming expressing our feelings, so it was unexpected and unsettling. Our friends took great pleasure in teasing us about it.

I'm not afraid of the possibility that the relationship won't work out. I'll take it as a learning experience of sorts. It's just really unexpected for me because, like you said, I'm not of the people that "falls in love" quickly. Our relationship sounds very similar to yours. My ex wanted to get a place with me and I kindly rejected her offer, but with my current lady we've already discussed the possibility of moving in together. It's very unsettling but in the best way possible!

[suprefan]

Someone should start "The Thread In Which We Psychoanalyze Kit Katt's Text Messages and Sex Life".

Don't hipsters communicate via land lines?


It is perfectly fine to act disinterested when you are not interested.


I recommend that you talk with these cholos so that you may build your social confidence. After all, there aren't many people more frightening than cholos.

But girls act disinterested when THEY ARE interested also. Its a no win, cause all ya'll bitchez are just fucking weird.

[kreutz2112]

Even if I did, I don't see how that would help with the crippling social anxiety, the overwhelming feeling of FOREVER ALONE and the intense self-loathing I've been experiencing since getting my heart broken.

I thought this 3 years ago when I broke up with my fiancé. It's temporary. Just live with it and it will go away someday.

[kitt kat]

I agree, and I don't know why you even post on this thread when you reject any advice you're given and don't seem willing to change your approach, even after asking why it's not working.

Kind of hard to look like I'm "taking advice" when I'm sitting at work. I'll try the next time I go out, which will be on Friday.

EDIT: Also, everyone seems to be forgetting my story about chatting up a random stranger at a bar while waiting for friends. You probably don't understand how much of a big step that was for me.

[algunz]

Do you really expect us to remember every little detail of your ongoing saga?

[casey]

Kat, just to help you out a little bit with the whole "getting guys to approach by looking at them but without looking like a weirdo"...don't stare at the guy if you want him to approach you, just look at him & catch his eye! Then smile and look away. It's easy, he will get the hint, and also get that you are kinda shy...

[Alchemy]

EDIT: Also, everyone seems to be forgetting my story about chatting up a random stranger at a bar while waiting for friends. You probably don't understand how much of a big step that was for me.

It was a big step toward more of the same self-loathing.

[IceyHotshot]

It helps if you acknowledge what people are saying, that way we don't think it falls on deaf ears. "Okay, this sounds like sound advice - I will try this next time".

[Gribbz]

You don't seem very appreciative of the kind words/advice either.

[Alchemy]

But girls act disinterested when THEY ARE interested also. Its a no win, cause all ya'll bitchez are just fucking weird.

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks
Lick on these nuts and suck the dick

[Mugwog]

Str8 up Gizzle

[buddy]

Even if I did, I don't see how that would help with the crippling social anxiety, the overwhelming feeling of FOREVER ALONE and the intense self-loathing I've been experiencing since getting my heart broken.

This sounds like before you even try to get in a relationship you need to work on yourself first. If not, you could be bound for heartbreak.

[Mugwog]

Rub yourself to moist status and read a cherished book

[kitt kat]

I acknowledge and appreciate the advice. Some of it is very good and I will make sure to remember it the next time I go out; some of it sucks and I think its full of bad ideas — but probably motivated by trolling.

Nice people here are nice. I dig that.

[algunz]

Kat, just to help you out a little bit with the whole "getting guys to approach by looking at them but without looking like a weirdo"...don't stare at the guy if you want him to approach you, just look at him & catch his eye. Then smile and look away. Then look back again in a couple of minutes and smile . It's easy, he will get the hint, and also get that you are kinda shy. It may be a game in a way but it works & he will definitely approach you if he's interested.

Casey, this is sound advice . . . if she was fucking 13!

[Hysteria]

Kat, it looks like a lot of the people on these forums really like you. Obviously you have some sort of charisma to get a bunch of people on the interwebs to like you. I know it's not the same talking to people in social situations as it is typing on your computer but apparently there is something about you that gets people to care about you. Also, you're a foxy lady so have some self confidence in yourself. Also, try to avoid any negativity towards yourself. If you don't love yourself then how can you expect anyone else to love you? Just sayin'

Sincerely, a random lurker that noticed that the boardies enjoy talking about your life here.

Good luck on your future romantic endeavors.

Edit- I had no idea kat posted before I posted this. Looks like I was late to the party

[Gribbz]

I acknowledge and appreciate the advice. Some of it is very good and I will make sure to remember it the next time I go out; some of it sucks and I think its full of bad ideas — but probably motivated by trolling.

Nice people here are nice. I dig that.
Good, good. Let us know how it goes.

[IceyHotshot]

I acknowledge and appreciate the advice. Some of it is very good and I will make sure to remember it the next time I go out; some of it sucks and I think its full of bad ideas — but probably motivated by trolling.

Nice people here are nice. I dig that.

Cheers. I second what Dale says, good luck with it and report back!

[chairmenmeow47]

I find it kind of hard to believe that the woman in the pic up there is having a hard time finding a relationship! She's very attractive. Of course I haven't read any of the past 98 pages so I have no idea whats wrong with her, if anything.

But on another note, I just recently got into a relationship this past month after purposely avoiding any serious relationships for about 3 years. I don't wanna divulge too much here but it's weird, things with this girl are going kinda fast. The way I feel for her now is how I felt about another chick after about 7 months into that relationship. It's a little frightening because I'm not the type to allow myself to feel vulnerable to anyone that I just met a couple of months ago.

So I ask of you boardies, do you think my strong feelings for this girl are merely because I haven't allowed myself to get close to anyone for several years? Should I slow things down?

i haven't read the rest of the thread after this, but what kind of world are we living in when a lurker calls kat a woman, but his woman a girl?

and for my fourth date, i finally have a weekend date to see an afternoon showing of the artist. i'm moving at the speed of tina fey over here.

[Hysteria]

i haven't read the rest of the thread after this, but what kind of world are we living in when a lurker calls kat a woman, but his woman a girl?

and for my fourth date, i finally have a weekend date to see an afternoon showing of the artist. i'm moving at the speed of tina fey over here.

Woman, girl, lady, damsel, maiden, miss, lass, take your pick.

I just like switching things up a bit. Guess I didn't do a good job at that, eh. lol

[chairmenmeow47]

Woman, girl, lady, damsel, maiden, miss, lass, take your pick.

I just like switching things up a bit. Guess I didn't do a good job at that, eh. lol

since you're a phoenician lurker, i'll let you in on the fact that we were discussing the whole woman versus girl thing earlier in the thread :) don't worry about timing, just focus on your feelings and enjoy this girl/woman/throat-puppet.

[getbetter]

I approach this girl i thought was hot at this beer festival last sunday and she ended up buying me beer for the rest of the time I was there.I got her number sent her a text saying this is my number didn't get a response so i figure it was because she was drunk and that why she was interested.So i'm kind of not sure to text her back set up another time to hang out maybe I'll text her in a couple of days and if I don't get a response then just delete her number.

[kitt kat]

I hope you used punctuation in your text message because that post was hard to follow.

My tip for boys: Use proper grammar and punctuation in your text messages. It makes you attractive.

[Hysteria]

since you're a phoenician lurker, i'll let you in on the fact that we were discussing the whole woman versus girl thing earlier in the thread :) don't worry about timing, just focus on your feelings and enjoy this girl/woman/throat-puppet.

Yea, I had no idea that was already discussed haha

And no worries, we'll definitely be enjoying eachother

[Alchemy]

I once dated a girl with very low self-esteem. She would gain weight easily, yet was more often a pretty sight with wonderful shapes. She enjoyed watching French movies, taking photos, and seeing the local bands. Her sex drive and mine matched quite perfectly, both of us being young and very excited, and so we had something successful to share. Prior to this, she had had a serious relationship - maybe a year or two in length - with some guy in her class. She refused to sleep with him, and was pained to learn that he would satisfy himself elsewhere, with another girl who would become pregnant - the event which led to his confession and her misery. Much later, in our lustful activities, we took each other's virginity, and there followed a golden age for us both. Perhaps this is why she would tell me that she loved me, not two months after we met. Unsure of what to do, and maybe a little confused from the abundance of sex, I told her that I loved her as well. I truly did enjoy myself. When my high school crush, a fascinating girl who would later alter the course of my life, told me that she liked me, I explained my romantic situation without much sadness and wished her well... But soon, my poor girlfriend began to express an unhappiness with the friends I surrounded myself with - an equal mix of good fellows and beautiful girls. She became envious of certain girls, despite that there were no hints of betrayal. Soon, she would confront me about my schooltime activities, which were all innocent things, but things she could only have knowledge of by means of espionage! I became unhappy with our relationship and attempted to end everything, but when she started to cry and tell me about her pain, I told her that I was gravely mistaken and accepted the pleasure she offered, there in her little car. Of course, her spies were enemies of mine, and with their own personal vendettas, they continued feeding her knowledge of any girl that I hugged hello, or ate with, or looked at... They told her of all the girls, except for one: a delightful and funny girl who gave me many compliments. She was a thin girl, and not very pretty, but she made me smile and laugh a lot. With our mutual friends, we went to the movie theater together (my girlfriend was not present), and at the back of the theater, watching whatever it was that we were watching, I suddenly decided to hold this new girl's hand. While our companions drove to a nearby bowling alley, the girl and I kissed each other in the backseat and felt happy. My girlfriend would, the next night, accuse me of seeing a different girl, based on her faulty information. I told her that I hadn't been seeing that girl, and that I was tired of her paranoia. We broke up and fought with each other on the phone. I found many more enemies. The new girl and I began dating, but she left me after two weeks for her ex-boyfriend. I was baffled and I visited my ex-girlfriend and kissed her. We did not rekindle our love during that time, which was the winter break of school, and when I returned on the next semester, I would ask out that major high school crush of mine. That is an entirely different story.

[zircona1]

I have signed up with okcupid.

zircona1.

[getbetter]

I hope you used punctuation in your text message because that post was hard to follow.

My tip for boys: Use proper grammar and punctuation in your text messages. It makes you attractive.

it was just a simple text hey this is Zack from the beer festival.

[casey]

Casey, this is sound advice . . . if she was fucking 13!

clearly, that was the point.

[algunz]

Alchemy

Tl;dr

[algunz]

Casey, I think Katt needs talking mice and little birds to make her gown just right.

[guedita]

Meet George.


How are you doing?
I like your ad.
I am George.
You sound very cute! I love curves! I also like that you sound very smart and confident.
We have to talk over some margaritas.
I love movies, day trips, walks, music and cuddling.
Are you from the Bay Area? You look Latin or Italian.
I love drives, movies, chocolate, the beach, and cuddling:)
Would you like to chat?
I love to travel. I visited Germany and Spain this summer. How about you?
I live in Fremont. I have two very spoiled cats. They are clean yet demanding.
Hugs,
George

[frazzles]

Movies and cuddling.

[Alchemy]

Alchemy

Tl;dr

Short story short: I cheated on a girl with low self-esteem for a girl with high self-esteem and was rewarded with another girl, who was prettier than them all.

Moral: Life isn't fair to all, but it is fair to Alchemy.

[MoSetsfire]

I once dated a girl with very low self-esteem. She would gain weight easily, yet was more often a pretty sight with wonderful shapes. She enjoyed watching French movies, taking photos, and seeing the local bands. Her sex drive and mine matched quite perfectly, both of us being young and very excited, and so we had something successful to share. Prior to this, she had had a serious relationship - maybe a year or two in length - with some guy in her class. She refused to sleep with him, and was pained to learn that he would satisfy himself elsewhere, with another girl who would become pregnant - the event which led to his confession and her misery. Much later, in our lustful activities, we took each other's virginity, and there followed a golden age for us both. Perhaps this is why she would tell me that she loved me, not two months after we met. Unsure of what to do, and maybe a little confused from the abundance of sex, I told her that I loved her as well. I truly did enjoy myself. When my high school crush, a fascinating girl who would later alter the course of my life, told me that she liked me, I explained my romantic situation without much sadness and wished her well... But soon, my poor girlfriend began to express an unhappiness with the friends I surrounded myself with - an equal mix of good fellows and beautiful girls. She became envious of certain girls, despite that there were no hints of betrayal. Soon, she would confront me about my schooltime activities, which were all innocent things, but things she could only have knowledge of by means of espionage! I became unhappy with our relationship and attempted to end everything, but when she started to cry and tell me about her pain, I told her that I was gravely mistaken and accepted the pleasure she offered, there in her little car. Of course, her spies were enemies of mine, and with their own personal vendettas, they continued feeding her knowledge of any girl that I hugged hello, or ate with, or looked at... They told her of all the girls, except for one: a delightful and funny girl who gave me many compliments. She was a thin girl, and not very pretty, but she made me smile and laugh a lot. With our mutual friends, we went to the movie theater together (my girlfriend was not present), and at the back of the theater, watching whatever it was that we were watching, I suddenly decided to hold this new girl's hand. While our companions drove to a nearby bowling alley, the girl and I kissed each other in the backseat and felt happy. My girlfriend would, the next night, accuse me of seeing a different girl, based on her faulty information. I told her that I hadn't been seeing that girl, and that I was tired of her paranoia. We broke up and fought with each other on the phone. I found many more enemies. The new girl and I began dating, but she left me after two weeks for her ex-boyfriend. I was baffled and I visited my ex-girlfriend and kissed her. We did not rekindle our love during that time, which was the winter break of school, and when I returned on the next semester, I would ask out that major high school crush of mine. That is an entirely different story.

bro, paragraphs are your friend.

[Alchemy]

There was no time for paragraphs. I was deep within memory.

[MoSetsfire]

There was no time for paragraphs. I was deep within memory.

touche.

Also, to go back a few pages. I got the girl's # from the gym. She came in in street clothes and before she could change, i was all over it.

[OnlyNonStranger]

Meet George.

How the fuck do you look Latin or Italian?

[IceyHotshot]

Does he have a friend named Lennie?

[fatbastard]

Demanding cats.

[romanticizer]

Does he have a friend named Lennie?

Who squeezes mice?

[Mugwog]

Demanding cats.

Gay.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I approach this girl i thought was hot at this beer festival last sunday and she ended up buying me beer for the rest of the time I was there.I got her number sent her a text saying this is my number didn't get a response so i figure it was because she was drunk and that why she was interested.So i'm kind of not sure to text her back set up another time to hang out maybe I'll text her in a couple of days and if I don't get a response then just delete her number.

I can verify the girl was hot and they left the beer fest holding hands.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

whatever retarded shit he said after that i have no idea, I'm afraid.

[M Sparks]

Hell, my girlfriend of the last 2 and a half years had to get me over to her house and into her bed before I got the hint. And no, Im not kidding.


Same scene over here. I think my girlfriend might have actually had to take me by the hand and tell me we were going to make out before I knew what was what. I'm also an idiot, though.

Ha, I'm so glad I'm not alone. I think it's worse if you are the type of guy who gets along better with women than men. Most of my friends are women, so I need fairly explicit signals. I'm getting better, and I can now see all the chances I missed in my past.

And Kat, unless the conversation is VERY bizarre, I always like being approached by a woman. Someone just making eye contact is not going to get me over to them, they could just be looking at something weird stuck to my shirt or trying to calculate my heart attack risk. If she says something first, then I know that she wants to talk to me at a minimum. Never hurts to talk. However, if the woman is way too young for me, or way "out of my league", I'm still going to talk, but I might not be as engaged because I will get a little "what does she want?" defensive. You seem to have a bit of an inferiority complex, so this might be you and you don't know it.

To sum up, a super-hot girl approaching me is definitely welcomed, but I'm probably going to be questioning her motives. I can guarantee that no one is finding you "repulsive" unless you are talking crazy talk.

[M Sparks]

I love curves!

Take him on a tour of Lombard Street.

[weeklymix]

whatever retarded shit he said after that i have no idea, I'm afraid.

I really loved this post.

[GuyInTucson]

Meet George.

Looks like you may have finally found your cholo..

[hippiephonics]

kittkat needs a date. with this guy: 4651

[locachica73]

Kat, just to help you out a little bit with the whole "getting guys to approach by looking at them but without looking like a weirdo"...don't stare at the guy if you want him to approach you, just look at him & catch his eye. Then smile and look away. Then look back again in a couple of minutes and smile . It's easy, he will get the hint, and also get that you are kinda shy. It may be a game in a way but it works & he will definitely approach you if he's interested.

I agree with this, I know it may seem like a coy game but it works. I am also comfortable enough in my own skin to approach a guy if I need to but I have done the sly glance from across the room while dancing. Then I would go up to the bar to get a drink and the guy I was slyly glancing almost always found me there to start chatting.


This sounds like before you even try to get in a relationship you need to work on yourself first. If not, you could be bound for heartbreak.

YES! I know women in their 40's who still need to do this. They jump from relationship to relationship because they don't feel pretty unless some boy is telling them they are pretty. If you can't look in the mirror and say "I am fucking awesome" then there is no point in trying to find a guy who thinks it.

[TomAz]

b_CkWzjsLS4

[Gribbz]

Going on my first okcupid date this weekend. Kind of surprised I found someone this interesting this fast. I've always been kind of skeptical when it comes to dating sites.

[Robin]

I approach this girl i thought was hot at this beer festival last sunday and she ended up buying me beer for the rest of the time I was there.I got her number sent her a text saying this is my number didn't get a response so i figure it was because she was drunk and that why she was interested.So i'm kind of not sure to text her back set up another time to hang out maybe I'll text her in a couple of days and if I don't get a response then just delete her number.
I usually tell people that "the more you drink, the hotter I look."


it was just a simple text hey this is Zack from the beer festival.
That's it? You should send a follow up text, like "I had fun hanging out with you the other night. How did you enjoy the fest?"


If you can't look in the mirror and say "I am fucking awesome" then there is no point in trying to find a guy who thinks it.
I tell myself that I'm awesome all the time, because I am.

As for approaching guys, what works best for me is to say something that will give me more than a one word response or mention something that may be interesting to him. "Hey. What's up?" doesn't get me much, but maybe notice something about him. Maybe his drink of choice? And start talking about it.

[faxman75]

After several e-mails back and forth I just asked Carrie out for a drink. Now I await her reply. This could be huge as I have not asked a stranger out on a date in ........ geez I would rather not say. It's kind of embarrassing.

[Courtney]

About the approaching guys thing: I have no problem with this. I have no problem with being really explicit about my intentions also, so it's very clear.

However, I find that I end up dating sort of passive, not very confident guys as a result. So I think you have to be cautious about how much you are willing to make the first move and what that means about the tenor that is being set for the rest of the relationship. Learn from my mistakes.

[Mugwog]

"so where do you want to eat?"
"wherever, I don't care"
"well I could eat anything"
"me too"
"ok, how about Indian?"
"oh I'll eat anything but Indian."
"..."

[locachica73]

"so where do you want to eat?"
"wherever, I don't care"
"well I could eat anything"
"me too"
"ok, how about Indian?"
"oh I'll eat anything but Indian."
"..."

I hate this conversation! If you know what you don't want then you probably know what you do want. Speak the fuck up already.

[scenicworld]

The guy that I've been seeing has been a good sport on deciding what we've had to eat on our dates. He hasn't exactly experienced many types of food that aren't mexican, pizza or hamburgers so my work is cut out for me. On our first date I suggested that we have Thai food since it's one of my favorites and not only did he agree to it, he actually loved it! granted, he only had the pad thai but I also let him try my curry and he seemed to like it too. I really like that he's willing to try new things and on our third date I got him to have sushi for the first time. He said he liked all that we tried (mostly Nigiri and a spider roll) but he did get full after the first round of an all-you-can-eat place, so maybe he didn't like it as much as he said (though he loved the unagi!).

Date 3 went pretty well and date 4 is this weekend. He may have stayed the night, but I'm not going to confirm anything :-p

We fooled around quite a bit and the next day he asked if I thought he was moving too fast. I told him that I was far from innocent and had an equal share of the blame on how things went that night but I do want to take things slowly since I have a lot on my plate for the next three months. I feel like "the talk" is coming fairly soon because he followed that up with a "taking things slow is fine, but I don't want to take things too slow either" and I agreed.

[chiapet]

Sounds promising! :)

[Robin]

Don't think. Just let it flow.

[M Sparks]

About the approaching guys thing: I have no problem with this. I have no problem with being really explicit about my intentions also, so it's very clear.

However, I find that I end up dating sort of passive, not very confident guys as a result. So I think you have to be cautious about how much you are willing to make the first move and what that means about the tenor that is being set for the rest of the relationship. Learn from my mistakes.

I can see how that can happen. However, speaking for myself, if I go around hitting on everyone, I'm going to get shot down 10 times as much, and this is not going to make me more confident. If someone shows me just a little bit of interest first, I can take it from there. I'm still going to get shot down sometimes, because you ladies are cryptic. But it's like 25% of the time, not 95%.

But I do still have trouble with that first step into turning things physical, and that's on me. I've been fairly aggressive (for me, anyway) with Ms Veggie Burger, with nothing but positive signals, but I think I still blew the opportunity for a kiss on our first "real" date. I'm determined to remedy this soon though.

[SoulDischarge]

Ugh, it's NOT FISHING! I just don't think the guys I'm attracted to are the kind of guys who would find someone like me attractive. I only ever get hit on by cholos.

I'll take those off your hands if you don't mind.