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View Full Version : Not-Quite-Annual Seasonal Squash Carving Contest 2011: Now With A Mediocre Theme!



Hannahrain
10-08-2011, 05:10 PM
Hey jerks. I just realized it's October already, which means it's time for the thing that I sometimes do about this time of year when I feel like it or think of it or there's nothing good on TV. So here it is. Pumpkin Carving Contest 2011. This year, I'm introducing a theme. Ready? It's us. The theme is boardmembers. Carve a pumpkin that is somehow referential to one or more members of this board. Portraits, mockeries, whatever it takes. Commemorate each other in the sweet orange flesh of everybody's favorite I don't have a noun for this.

You likely know the drill by now, but here are a few ground rules for anybody new to the game since I did this last:

-Original submissions only. Include a salt and/or pepper shaker somewhere in the photograph so I know you didn't pull it from the internet.

-Be awesome. I'd rather you carve a dead turtle into something hilarious than a pumpkin into something lousy.

-Don't post anything here that would reveal which submission is yours. We're going for objectivity here.

Get your submissions to me (in photo form) via private message by the end of October 31st (this will allow submissions from those of you who don't carve until the day of.) Include any description necessary for your theme to be understood. Images will be posted without identifying information and voting will occur shortly thereafter. The winner will receive a trophy fucking awesome Jesus perpetual desk calendar and signed certificate of grand success, suitable for framing.

Do your thing. Make it awesome. Ready, go.

Contest eligibility guidelines exclude any and all members of my family or current and former household staff as well as anybody with a psyche comprised entirely of crusty sores. Void in Guam and where prohibited. My foot itches.

greghead
10-09-2011, 02:40 AM
Oh snap. Jennie and I won the carving contest at my work last year. Consider "it" to be "on."

TallGuyCM
10-09-2011, 02:45 AM
Not my creation, but this pumpkin is amazing:

http://cdn.guyism.com/wp-content/uploads/radiohead-pumpkin.jpg

BROKENDOLL
10-09-2011, 02:49 AM
Fuck it, I'm just gonna jab two eye holes in a pumpkin now, and by picture day I'll have dibs on a self portrait as my entry!

TomAz
10-09-2011, 06:54 AM
what about a live turtle?

BROKENDOLL
10-09-2011, 05:55 PM
what about a live turtle?
I suppose if I set it out in the sun until picture day I could still call it a self portrait, but nah, Halloween is all about carving the pumpkin, Tom. Seriously, would you rather decorate a live turtle for Halloween, or jab my eyes out and let me rot?

BROKENDOLL
10-09-2011, 05:57 PM
Oh, and feel free to take all the time you need agonizing over that decision. ;)-

Hannahrain
10-09-2011, 06:07 PM
You're disqualified for having a psyche built entirely of crusty sores.

mountmccabe
10-09-2011, 06:49 PM
Interested. I will plan to participate and hope I can make it happen!

getbetter
10-09-2011, 06:59 PM
Can I just tape a photo of Supre taking a photo on to a pumpkin and still have it count as a entry? I can carve like Coachella Message Board 2011 so counts that it was carved.

Courtney
10-09-2011, 07:02 PM
Oh snap. Jennie and I won the carving contest at my work last year. Consider "it" to be "on."

I look forward to kicking "your" collective "asses."

fatbastard
10-09-2011, 07:07 PM
This has been interesting in past years.

greghead
10-09-2011, 11:04 PM
I look forward to kicking "your" collective "asses."

Psh. The stench of your fear is overpowering.

BROKENDOLL
10-09-2011, 11:15 PM
You're disqualified for having a psyche built entirely of crusty sores.
Isn't that the same as having a reputation built by board members?

Hannahrain
10-11-2011, 01:12 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, it's with great pleasure and an overreaching sense of importance that I announce an official prize upgrade! In place of the earlier prize, a lame old trophy of little interest, the winner will receive this freestanding vintage all-metal perpetual Jesus calendar! Put it on your desk! Put it on your dash! Put it on your wife!

https://img.skitch.com/20111011-rs3gcri2ywk2igmrjj7r1mas7j.png

theresalwaysone
10-11-2011, 01:26 PM
Did your thumb get cut off in a pumpkin carving incident?

Hannahrain
10-11-2011, 01:28 PM
No, it was blind rage.

theresalwaysone
10-11-2011, 08:32 PM
Did you see it coming?

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
10-11-2011, 08:58 PM
Holy cow that Jesus calendar is incredible. i feel obligated to cut the fuck out of some pumpkins now.

Hannahrain
10-11-2011, 09:23 PM
Good. You are obligated.


Did you see it coming?

In the sense that an inelegant coupling of defensive pessimism and a lifetime spent tripping over my own feet at inappropriate and unwarranted times leads me to assume in perpetuity that I'm a moment from losing a limb or digit so I'm not caught off guard when it should finally occur, yes.

M Sparks
10-11-2011, 11:41 PM
Jesus never fails, until he missed his October 1 job interview because he thought it was September 31st.

greghead
10-11-2011, 11:46 PM
Michio Kaku would say that you have lost all of your digits at some point or another in an infinite number parallel universes. You just may luck out in this one.

That book was awesome, by the way. All the quantum mechanics stuff was like a Joey Lawrence "whoa" moment.

greghead
10-11-2011, 11:47 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, it's with great pleasure and an overreaching sense of importance that I announce an official prize upgrade! In place of the earlier prize, a lame old trophy of little interest, the winner will receive this freestanding vintage all-metal perpetual Jesus calendar! Put it on your desk! Put it on your dash! Put it on your wife!

https://img.skitch.com/20111011-rs3gcri2ywk2igmrjj7r1mas7j.png

This is quite incredible.

weeklymix
10-19-2011, 08:03 PM
Bump. Everyone compete.

OnlyNonStranger
10-19-2011, 09:54 PM
I'm doing Boba Fett. I'm not sure how it fits into this competition but that's what I'm doing.

greghead
10-31-2011, 12:04 AM
When is the deadline for entries? Mine won't be done until tomorrow in the early afternoon. Errr, today in the early afternoon.

Courtney
10-31-2011, 07:22 AM
I flaked out and didn't do one this year because they were $15-30 at the store and I didn't want to spend that much on a stupid pumpkin.

Courtney
10-31-2011, 07:23 AM
Sorry :(

HowToDisappear
10-31-2011, 07:38 AM
Aren't the fake foam pumpkins from craft stores pretty cheap? I've never bought one, but they look reasonably realistic.

Or can't you carve a melon or something?

greghead
10-31-2011, 03:40 PM
So my pumpkin turned out super shitty. Like, destroy-the-evidence-and-never-speak-of-it-again shitty. Maybe next year.

Courtney
10-31-2011, 03:45 PM
Maybe I will buy a pumpkin tomorrow on super sale and carve it then. That's an idea. If they are not all rotted and moldy from the heat. Which is a big if.

algunz
10-31-2011, 09:55 PM
Nothing fancy, but it sure is cute.

http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee218/alessandragunz/securedownload.jpg

Stickjohn
11-01-2011, 08:51 AM
This is pretty awesome

uTHQ9gikDDo

TomAz
11-01-2011, 08:55 AM
I just watched that 3 times.

Courtney
11-01-2011, 09:02 AM
Best teacher ever.

caeden
11-24-2011, 02:19 PM
who won this?

algunz
11-24-2011, 02:32 PM
Did I by default, because nobody else posted one? I could really use the Jesus Calendar for the new year.

Hannahrain
11-24-2011, 03:17 PM
No. The default winner was FOI, the only person to actually follow the directions and submit a pumpkin directly to me. Maybe next year.

mountmccabe
11-24-2011, 05:19 PM
I need to get in on this early next year. Like June.

algunz
11-27-2011, 06:52 AM
Can you post FOI's?

We'd love to see it.