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TomAz
09-20-2011, 12:23 PM
I have a thing I decided I don't want and that some of you might want. I am going to give it away. I will give it away to the winner of this contest.

The thing I have is the boxed set version of In Rainbows. The vinyl has never been played. The CDs are there. The art is there. This $60 value is yours FREE if you win my contest.

The contest is: you have to write an essay, in 100 words or less, as to why I should give this to you. Note that this is not the same as why you believe you deserve it. "I am the biggest radiohead fan ever and I have no money and my mom is dying so please give this to me please please please" will likely not win, as it ignores the basic premise. Got it? I didn't think so.

PotVsKtl
09-20-2011, 12:34 PM
Biggest Radiohead fan ever =

A deadbeat forever sighing.
A bandaged eighties fervor.
A festive ginger headboard.

marooko
09-20-2011, 12:37 PM
Because I said.

guedita
09-20-2011, 12:46 PM
You would be, indirectly, responsible for giving me at least a few orgasms. Or at the very least, a few moments of leverage. I don't want to take down the trash and I shall not and this is why.

fatbastard
09-20-2011, 12:48 PM
Upon which day will this need to be submitted?

grenade
09-20-2011, 12:51 PM
You should give it to me because i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want it. And that is exactly 100 words.

TomAz
09-20-2011, 12:52 PM
the contest deadline will be like the rapture. You won't know until it's too late.

J~$$$$
09-20-2011, 12:52 PM
Ill take it and set it on fire.

Gribbz
09-20-2011, 12:54 PM
Because we're both Diamondbacks/Suns/Cardinals fans.

WE HAVE A BOND.

captncrzy
09-20-2011, 12:54 PM
If I win, I will show you my boobs.

Fin.

stinkbutt
09-20-2011, 12:55 PM
Cuz you were too chickenshit to actually bet against me on the Cardinals in Super Bowl XLIII

HandBanana
09-20-2011, 12:59 PM
"Malfoy, I have something to tell you"

Draco must have sensed that something was wrong because he didn't come up with a witty remark instead just prompting Harry to please tell him what was happening and fast before he decided it was not worth his time. Harry took a deep breath and said "There's something I just realized I always wanted to do"

"And what part exactly do I play in it?", asked Draco suspiciously.

"You are the leading role", answered Harry.

And with that he leaned in and kissed Malfoy. The Slytherin was completely taken off guard and seemed about to shove back Harry forcefully but at this moment, the Gryffindor's hand went to caress Draco's lower back and the blond parted his lips to allow Harry full access. The kiss was passionate and the two boys fought for dominance leaving them both panting for breath

Draco broke the silence first.

"Well, it took you some time figuring it out"

Harry giggled and answered, "Yeah but you have to admit it was totally worth it"

And they started kissing once again.

A few meters away, hidden behind a statue Ron and Hermione were watching the boys with a look of near disgust for Ron and of fascination for Hermione.

"That had to be the hottest thing I saw in my whole life", she said

koryp
09-20-2011, 01:00 PM
Tom,
I have always been perturbed that at 1:26 into 15 step, my copy has a defect that causes a skip. I never got a response from the vendor, and have just lived with the defect, although I have stewed about it internally. By giving me this unwanted item, you can effectively feel superior at having gotten a better copy than me and not even cared to listen to it, stick it to distributor for the poor craftmanship by solving a problem they didn't bother to, and publicly claim humanitarianism action by assisting your fellow man.

J~$$$$
09-20-2011, 01:01 PM
im an annoying twat

bobert
09-20-2011, 01:07 PM
You should give me the box-set because I have a lazy eye. Thom Yorke is like my Rufus Wainright, if I was a gay man with AIDs instead of a droopy-eyed hipster.

TomAz
09-20-2011, 01:13 PM
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_li5GG5WIrnA/Sbmf6L2o0SI/AAAAAAAAA_4/G5EQprXMxTA/s400/wheat+stooks.gif

bmack86
09-20-2011, 01:14 PM
You should give it to me because I wasn't able to participate in your record giveaway bonanza years ago, and I've always been slightly disappointed that I wasn't on the board that summer. Except you shouldn't give it to me because I already have a perfectly functioning copy and would probably just sell yours.

Neighborhood Creep
09-20-2011, 01:14 PM
Because I illegally downloaded it already and would feel less guilty if I had a real copy.

nathanfairchild
09-20-2011, 01:15 PM
I'd Luke this because In Rainbows is the only album of theirs that I don't have a physical copy of.

lunatic core
09-20-2011, 01:20 PM
I would also luke this.

J~$$$$
09-20-2011, 01:23 PM
Frothing at the gash.

guedita
09-20-2011, 01:24 PM
You dolts. He doesn't care about YOU. He wants an essay that succinctly summarizes why HE should give it to you. Nothing about yourself matters.

TomAz
09-20-2011, 01:26 PM
why are you helping your competitors?

guedita
09-20-2011, 01:28 PM
Because I don't mind taking down the trash.

Gribbz
09-20-2011, 01:28 PM
Because I could directly pick it up from you and it would save you the effort of packaging/sending it.

Neighborhood Creep
09-20-2011, 01:30 PM
why are you helping your competitors?

She's a kind soul

NachoCat
09-20-2011, 01:37 PM
This thread is so radiohead.

NachoCat
09-20-2011, 01:39 PM
You would be, indirectly, responsible for giving me at least a few orgasms. Or at the very least, a few moments of leverage. I don't want to take down the trash and I shall not and this is why.


radiogasm

downingthief
09-20-2011, 01:42 PM
If I win, I will show you my boobs.

Fin.

Can I interest you in a King of Limbs box set? :)

amyzzz
09-20-2011, 01:43 PM
More like Queen of Limbs.

faxman75
09-20-2011, 01:52 PM
You should give it to me because I have great respect for you. Your insight and wisdom is valuable and mostly ignored or viewed as vitrolic by the masses. I require this album because i'm not a fanboy. I won't put it on my shelf to collect dust. I will rock the fuck out with it if it causes me to do so. You then will be responsible for my Radiohead fandom and the reason I own my first Radiohead album on vinyl.

Neighborhood Creep
09-20-2011, 01:54 PM
You should give it to me because I have great respect for you. Your insight and wisdom is valuable and mostly ignored or viewed as vitrolic by the masses. I require this album because i'm not a fanboy. I won't put it on my shelf to collect dust. I will rock the fuck out with it if it causes me to do so. You then will be responsible for my Radiohead fandom and the reason I own my first Radiohead album on vinyl.

Faxman takes the lead

Hannahrain
09-20-2011, 01:55 PM
You should give it to me because I'm not a fucking suckup like this guy up here. I have respect for you when you deserve it, and none when you don't. Only don't actually give it to me, just know that you should.

Miroir Noir
09-20-2011, 01:56 PM
Tom, I'll never turn my back on a pay-you-back, last call. I'm buying next April.

marooko
09-20-2011, 02:03 PM
...

fatbastard
09-20-2011, 02:05 PM
Can't you nail your wristband to a stud or something like that to give it the official chella aura?

TomAz
09-20-2011, 02:16 PM
Tom, I'll never turn my back on a pay-you-back, last call. I'm buying next April.

I gotta say people, this is serious quality right here. bribing me with beer and flattering my musical tastes is a very strong showing.

guedita
09-20-2011, 02:21 PM
Reverse Gimme Gimme

J~$$$$
09-20-2011, 02:29 PM
Yoga mat for sale. Used once - $1 (Bellevue)


tl;dr

PotVsKtl
09-20-2011, 02:43 PM
Unlike his previous trips to the death house in Huntsville, the reprieve came before he was served his requested final meal, which included two fried chickens and a five-gallon bucket of peaches.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/20/cleve-foster-suprme-court-texas-execution_n_972376.html

J~$$$$
09-20-2011, 02:46 PM
I am not going to lie. I thought dude was black.

ZachTheEskimo
09-20-2011, 02:46 PM
You should give it to me, because I'm a jealous man, and I will do dirty things to so many people. Those two things are unrelated.

SoulDischarge
09-20-2011, 02:46 PM
If you send it to me, I won't unleash my scorpion army upon you (maybe).

PotVsKtl
09-20-2011, 02:55 PM
I am not going to lie. I thought dude was black.

Everyone in Huntsville, TX is black. Even the whites.

Alchemy
09-20-2011, 03:22 PM
Mr. TomAz: Hello. I am submitting my essay for your Radiohead scholarship, not because I am a big Radiohead fan, but because I am a big TomAz fan. Although so-called scientists met my doctoral dissertation – based on the We Did Not Know Music Until TomAz Defined It Theory – with violent opposition, I defended this stance, quite literally, with teeth and claws, and I created a bloody mess in your beautiful honor. Police asked me, “Why?” I pointed to your books on my shelf, the altar with your face, and I said, “Tell me how I could not.” Thank you.

algunz
09-20-2011, 04:01 PM
I shall return.

Courtney
09-20-2011, 05:16 PM
Tom, in exchange for one boxed set of In Rainbows, I will send you an exciting new work of art by an emerging artist.

This rule-breaking young artist is equally well versed in traditional work on paper or canvas and new media. She is free from conventions due to no formal artistic training: the world is her playground of inspiration. The daring piece I will send you is a new media work, created in the monoprint style with ink drawing on pressed cellulose pulp.































































































The title of this piece is "LOLTOM."

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6180/6167559943_0c72769b98_o.gif

getbetter
09-20-2011, 05:23 PM
Does spelling count??

Mugwog
09-20-2011, 05:23 PM
What's he talking about?
H0OaeMYTbs4

SoulDischarge
09-20-2011, 05:31 PM
Give it to Courtney.

koryp
09-20-2011, 05:54 PM
If she would spend half as much time explaining to us her thoughts on the current situation in Yemen and it's effect on the future of the political landscape of the Middle East, we might be an enlightened people by now. js

BROKENDOLL
09-20-2011, 06:42 PM
Since you couldn't pay me to listen to Radiohead, and I certainly wouldn't pay to listen to Radiohead, gifting is your only other option, TomAz.

zenidogx
09-20-2011, 06:54 PM
TomAz,

You should give me the In Rainbows boxed set because I am not a Radiohead fan. I caught their set at the inaugural Outside Lands, and I can say that “Reckoner” was impressive, but I wasn’t won over by the band. Perhaps the experience of listening to a vinyl copy of the album while absorbing the treats from the special edition package could convince me that this band is worth appreciating. Admiration for Radiohead has always puzzled me, and it would be nice to familiarize myself with an album that will define an era.

Cheers,
Jose

apostle2
09-20-2011, 07:01 PM
Don't give it to me, because I don't want it.

Sleepingrock
09-20-2011, 07:05 PM
Tom, I know you won't give me that record, because we haven't established a strong male bond yet. You should give this record to me because if you ever come to the interior of British Columbia I will personally take you on a beer and/or wine tour of the Okanagan Valley. I promise I am less annoying in person than on here. The end of the day will consist drinking locally made spirits and listening to your favorite records.

-Reid A. Newton

JustSteve
09-20-2011, 07:07 PM
If you give it to me I'll give it to you. Don't ask don't tell didn't just end in the military today.

Courtney
09-20-2011, 07:08 PM
I was reading your text "don't ask don't tell" as the lady on the radio was saying "don't ask don't tell." That was weird.

greghead
09-20-2011, 07:20 PM
Because the music and artwork contained within deserve to be obsessively enjoyed by a nerd like me. That, and I'll pay for shipping.

RedHotSgtPeppers
09-20-2011, 08:08 PM
Tom, you should give it to me because some assholes broke into my apartment last year and In Rainbows was one of the vinyl records they stole from me.

Fourthisto
09-20-2011, 08:12 PM
in the year 20XX

"Kids, sit down & let me tell you a story", Fourthisto said to his three grandchildren.

"YAY!" They exclaimed, like ducks dipping into a warm pond for the first time since winter.

"Way back on the internet some dude named TomAz was giving away a Radiohead boxed set.", 4 continued, his eyes gleaming a steely gray shade of awesome oldness.

"What is an internet?", one grandkid asked.

"What is a Radiohead?", another inquired.

"What does dude mean?", the third catechized.

"Oh forget it.” said the bitter old man & slumped back down into his recliner. These God damn kids these days.

TomAz
09-20-2011, 08:47 PM
Judgement day is here. The rapture is upon ye. Wheat and chaff. All to be revealed post haste.

TomAz
09-20-2011, 08:48 PM
i.e., tomorrow

Somewhat Damaged
09-20-2011, 08:54 PM
Tom, you should give the item to me so that Jen has to get me something else for Christmas instead of just "surprising" me with it if you were to give it to her.

J~$$$$
09-20-2011, 08:55 PM
8===D------<3 <3 4 dani!!!!

J~$$$$
09-20-2011, 08:56 PM
I'm not a judge but if I had a copy of in rainbows Courtney would win for the most excellent .gif.

1litro
09-20-2011, 09:07 PM
I photographed you running!

thefunkylama
09-20-2011, 09:20 PM
This is a last-ditch effort.

Dear Tom,

In exchange for the box set, I will give you an hour-and-a-half long recording of me saying words and phrases like "Maillard Reaction," alternately with recipes and anecdotes from Alice Waters' The Art of Simple Food. I will include sounds of bacon sizzling in a cast-iron pan, and sound of a sharp 8" chef's knife parting halves of particularly voluptuous fresh vegetables on a wooden cutting board. I can include additional recordings of me reading from various Mark Kurlansky books (Salt, Cod, Food of a Younger Land, etc) at your request.



I love you alma. will you marry me?

Just sayin',

Alma.

algunz
09-20-2011, 09:43 PM
Did I win yet?

getbetter
09-20-2011, 09:44 PM
I'm waiting for when tomAZ decides to do a Sandinista! on vinyl contest....:cool:

VigoTheCarpathian
09-20-2011, 09:44 PM
The responses would be limited to radiohead fans, not that thats a bad thing...

bmack86
09-20-2011, 09:45 PM
I'm waiting for when tomAZ decides to do a Sandinista! on vinyl contest....:cool:

I don't want to say for sure, but I think that was included in his old-board record giveaway.

getbetter
09-20-2011, 09:54 PM
DAMN YOU KHAN!!!!!!

M Sparks
09-20-2011, 11:12 PM
If you send it to me, I won't unleash my scorpion army upon you (maybe).

The man lives in Fountain Hills. I guarantee he has a bigger scorpion army in his garage.

TallGuyCM
09-20-2011, 11:23 PM
Tom,

When the discbox was announced, I thought it was way overpriced (and I still do). I didn't buy it then, and I wouldn't buy it had it been released today. But, unlike the other posters, I promise to keep it and cherish it and not put it up on ebay. Thank you for the consideration.

:)

lunatic core
09-20-2011, 11:28 PM
Reasons why you should give it to me.

1. I currently can't stand In Rainbows even though I love Radiohead.
2. I don't have a turntable of any kind
3. There was probably no chance of you ever considering me in this contest.
4. I haven't even been to Coachella since 2003 and don't know why I hang around here so much

So basically if I won there would be genuine shock and probably dissapointment from the many hardcore well known regulars on this board, I would have to go out and buy something to play the record with, and likely I would probably start enjoying In Rainbows again. Life Changing.

sonofhal
09-21-2011, 12:04 AM
Give it to me, so I have two of them.

One to never play and one to wipe my arse with.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
09-21-2011, 12:08 AM
Dear Tom,

May cat is sorely in need of circular things to sit upon.

Your friend,

Andrew

malcolmjamalawesome
09-21-2011, 04:50 AM
If I won it I would cut a bigger hole (if necessary) in the middle of the vinyl and put my wiener through it and take a picture of my wiener going through the In Rainbows record and paint it rainbow colored.

canexplain
09-21-2011, 04:55 AM
Alas I should enter this. What can I say? Over the years I have given you as many chuckles as anyone on this board. I could say it's dark at night and you would disagree with me. We disagree about a lot without a doubt but you know we do understand about these "kids" better than most. Is this a reason for me to win? Probably not, but I do make you think which is a good thing eh? cr****

Edit: And if I win, I will come to Coachella this year and you can buy me a beer. Reverse ps.........

fatbastard
09-21-2011, 05:12 AM
Ron Lives

CellarOwl
09-21-2011, 05:38 AM
Don't let comrade Obama tell you otherwise, it's woven into the fabric of America: Send your foreign-produced crap to another country and let someone there deal with it, even if they don't particularily want to.

guedita
09-21-2011, 09:02 AM
Today is the Tomorrow that was Yesterday Tom.

Courtney
09-21-2011, 09:09 AM
If I don't win the set, I hope he gives it to Alchemy or Alma. That's some quality competition right there.

stuporfly
09-21-2011, 09:10 AM
I may be too late, but I promise not to listen to Duran Duran for a week if selected.

SoulDischarge
09-21-2011, 09:29 AM
I would throw a Morrissey Record Demolition day.

TomAz
09-21-2011, 10:12 AM
FYI I have an entry emailed to me from a "former" board member that is receiving serious consideration. I'm sure you can guess who.

Also it occured to me this morning that I have not actually seen this box set in a... while. I know I have it, I just don't remember where it actually physically is right now.

In other news, Courtney's entry is amazing.

ods..
09-21-2011, 10:44 AM
Today is the Tomorrow that was Yesterday's Tom.

right?

guedita
09-21-2011, 10:46 AM
Yesterday doesn't possess Tom. It didn't yesterday and it doesn't today.

marooko
09-21-2011, 10:46 AM
Just wait a couple more years.

algunz
09-21-2011, 01:34 PM
REM is dead. I must have Radiohead.

Devin the Dude
09-21-2011, 02:01 PM
Because I know where it's going to be.

"Where's that", you say?

It will be brought to me. And placed at my feet.

"You don't know to a certainty. In 20 minutes it could be here", you say.

I do know to a certainty. And you know what's gonna happen now, Tom? You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it.

"You go to Hell", you say.

Mmm. Alright. Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?

And don't call me crazy.

Fin.

TomAz
09-21-2011, 02:03 PM
The nature of you.

Gribbz
09-21-2011, 02:04 PM
You keep runnin' that mouth I'm gonna' take you in the back and screw ya'.

SoulDischarge
09-21-2011, 02:05 PM
Yesterday doesn't possess Tom. It didn't yesterday and it doesn't today.

Maybe we're talking about the Tom of Yesterday, a man much different, yet in many ways very much the same, as the Tom of Today.

TomAz
09-21-2011, 02:13 PM
Age will flatten a man.

Alchemy
09-21-2011, 02:24 PM
FYI I have an entry emailed to me from a "former" board member that is receiving serious consideration. I'm sure you can guess who.

Also it occured to me this morning that I have not actually seen this box set in a... while. I know I have it, I just don't remember where it actually physically is right now.

In other news, Courtney's entry is amazing.

I hope you post cloud9's essay, if that is the entry you received via e-mail. I've always enjoyed his poetry.

bmack86
09-21-2011, 02:34 PM
I think the emailed entry really should be posted in here. Especially since he never sent it to me, and I want to know what he wrote.

Devin the Dude
09-21-2011, 02:35 PM
The nature of you.

98 words should win. Come on Tom. Nobody else chose NINETY-EIGHT words.

TomAz
09-21-2011, 02:54 PM
I think the emailed entry really should be posted in here. Especially since he never sent it to me, and I want to know what he wrote.

It was bribery, basically.

algunz
09-21-2011, 02:56 PM
Boo on bribery.

algunz
09-21-2011, 02:57 PM
Give it to me, because I know you like me . . . You really like me.

TomAz
09-21-2011, 02:57 PM
Bribery is closer in spirit to the contest than is, say, whining.

marooko
09-21-2011, 03:00 PM
In that case....

http://img40.imageshack.us/img40/8949/41784647591261923508270.jpg

algunz
09-21-2011, 03:00 PM
:). How about blow jobs?

marooko
09-21-2011, 03:01 PM
HAHAAHHAAHAHA!

I'll throw in a cheeseburger.

menikmati
09-21-2011, 03:11 PM
Because I will send you a hand drawn picture of Jeff Goldblum that is worth framing.

Hannahrain
09-21-2011, 03:12 PM
Is there a way I could win that?

Courtney
09-21-2011, 03:16 PM
YES!

Sleepingrock
09-21-2011, 03:19 PM
Tom, I'll give you the info to my online linguistic anthropology textbook rental, I only have it for 172 more days, but you will be a better student once you read it!

algunz
09-21-2011, 03:20 PM
Erik sent us an awesome pic of Dumbo. Izzy tries to copy it. She's using it for her artistic inspiration. :pulse




I've never even listened to In . . .

And I've got a turntable.









Come on . . .

You know you want to.

TomAz
09-21-2011, 03:33 PM
You all did see my post earlier where I said that this morning I realized I didn't know exactly where this things actually is right now. Like I know I have it, but not sure where. You saw that. right? good.

algunz
09-21-2011, 03:36 PM
So when the time is right it will come.











Why the fuck would you auction off something you don't "have" in your possession?

TomAz
09-21-2011, 03:37 PM
Oh I have it.

J~$$$$
09-21-2011, 03:45 PM
magical.

guedita
09-21-2011, 03:49 PM
Blah blah Courtney won it's all a Ponzi Scheme anyways

TomAz
09-21-2011, 03:52 PM
http://www.ilovedogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Chihuahua_biting_ankles.jpg

Miroir Noir
09-21-2011, 04:17 PM
I still want to buy you a beer next year, Tom.

zenidogx
09-21-2011, 05:25 PM
Blah blah Courtney won it's all a Ponzi Scheme anyways

Is Fonzi Scheme the name of a band yet? And has Pitchfork distinguished it as Best New Music?

guedita
09-21-2011, 05:59 PM
Let's do it. I've got a kazoo.

suprefan
09-21-2011, 06:02 PM
I have a thing I decided I don't want and that some of you might want. I am going to give it away. I will give it away to the winner of this contest.

The thing I have is the boxed set version of In Rainbows. The vinyl has never been played. The CDs are there. The art is there. This $60 value is yours FREE if you win my contest.

The contest is: you have to write an essay, in 100 words or less, as to why I should give this to you. Note that this is not the same as why you believe you deserve it. "I am the biggest radiohead fan ever and I have no money and my mom is dying so please give this to me please please please" will likely not win, as it ignores the basic premise. Got it? I didn't think so.

I can't win, I already have one. Cause the big fans would have a copy already. Pop it on ebay and get $150 out of it, ok?

JustSteve
09-21-2011, 06:26 PM
:nono

zenidogx
09-21-2011, 06:27 PM
Let's do it. I've got a kazoo.

I've got a glockenspiel.

canexplain
09-22-2011, 05:02 AM
I still want to buy you a beer next year, Tom.

You can still buy ME a beer next year TomAz ..... cr****