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BROKENDOLL
09-30-2008, 04:59 PM
Dear GOD, I know how you enjoy being glorified and called on upon during times of need, and it's amazing how you're able to distinguish the difference between a dire need and "crying wolf." Thank you for using that keen ability last night after hearing me cry out your name several times. Forgive Me, Brokendoll

CalmerThanYou
09-30-2008, 05:01 PM
i cant hear you

BROKENDOLL
09-30-2008, 05:08 PM
that wasnt a threat, i put you on ignore and its been great, i just wanted to see what youngblood was going nuts over. i checked, and while you were bashing someone over templates, you made the same mistake.

this is people helping people. People willing to help people don't put others on ignore. If you want to help someone, I think Youngblood needs repairs done to his keyboard. I'm assuming the keys are sticky or some shit like that. I'd help, but I believe he has me on ignore as well... XO will bring us together... Next April, anyway...XO

JustSteve
09-30-2008, 05:38 PM
dear nurse's assistant,
you do not need to wake me up from the first sleep i have had since yesterday morning to ask me how many times i have taken a piss/shit today. goddammit!

i'm gonna pee on you,
s.

kitt kat
09-30-2008, 11:19 PM
dear screenwriting professor,

i am seriously convinced you are the angel of death incarnate. please stop giving the class your death stare when we have to sit in a basement classrooms without windows for five hours and are expected to be chipper and alert the whole time. also, i hate writing fucking outlines. this is a character class...let's work on character, k?

regards,
katrina

dear my cat (laika),

you are cute. we all love you. you're fluffy and black and adorable. however, would you please be so kind as to not meow at all hours of the night and/or at 6am until one of us wakes up and plays with you for three hours? we play with you all day long.

also, why do you like lauren's room but not mine? you're MY cat, dammit. stop being afraid of my computer chair.

love,
k

dear my roommate's significant other,

PLEASE TAKE A SHOWER. also, those orange hippy shorts you wear EVERY SINGLE DAY are neither flattering nor fashionable. have they ever been washed, or do you wear them to bed as well?

similarly, your laugh is obnoxious and you are rude. do not come into my house and kick me off the couch while i'm watching a movie for class and tell me, "I came over to watch Weeds. Get off the couch."

1. It's my fucking television. I bought it. Fuck off.
2. You live in your own house. Go there with my roommate sometime.
3. Those Weeds DVDs? Oh, they're mine too. If you really like them so much, I saw the first two seasons on sale for $19.99 at Target. Go crazy.
4. DID I MENTION THIS IS MY HOUSE?

for posterity, may i remind you to bathe?

sincerely,
disgruntled roommate who thinks her roommate can do better

Backwater
10-01-2008, 01:25 AM
Dear David Byrne

Please get back together with the Talking Heads. You don't need to record another album or anything but if you just played a few shows together again that would make my life much better. If the Pixies did it, I think you guys can. You don't hate each other that much, do you? If you only played three or four shows, it would still be better than nothing.

Thank you,

a big fan

MissingPerson
10-01-2008, 04:37 AM
Dear Kings of Leon,

Still funny,

Regards,
Marie-Cláire.

bug on your lip
10-01-2008, 06:18 AM
dear golden egg,

i pooped you out.

cheers,
.....:::::bug

Quadromarshia
10-01-2008, 07:07 AM
Dear 4th dimention,

Thank you for giving me the oppertunity to visit 1980, and DP Tina Weymouth with Grandmaster Flash. Those were some fun times. I know I swore I'd never do coke again, but since it was just sitting there on her ass, and well, you understand.

Sincerely,
I wish I was Doctor Who

fatbastard
10-01-2008, 07:11 AM
Scorpio!!!

Suffacated
10-01-2008, 08:56 AM
That is hot. What a whore.

A whore and so much more.

Try "Antichrist"

amyzzz
10-01-2008, 09:17 AM
Dear Quadromarshia,
Have you seen that Blink episode yet? Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey....
I wish I was at least one of Doctor Who's babes.

Amy

locachica73
10-01-2008, 09:31 AM
Dear Property Management:

Why the hell is it always so cold in this building? Especially the bathrooms. It is like 12 fucking degrees in there. It is very difficult to shiver and pee at the same time.

Sincerely,
frozen chica

Quadromarshia
10-01-2008, 09:35 AM
Dear Amy,
Yes! What a brilliant episode! As an aside, I'm pretty sure David Tennant is just about one of the hottest Scots I know (outside of the Franz Ferdinand boys, that is.)


Q

MissingPerson
10-01-2008, 09:43 AM
Dear Quadromarshia,
Have you seen that Blink episode yet? Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey....
I wish I was at least one of Doctor Who's babes.

Amy

Dear Amy,

Why didn't they just blink one eye at a time?

I used to work with a complete freak who did that, and although it's quite tremendously unsettling, she would not have been time-owned.

Although I'm not a Dr. Who fan, that episode is fucking quality.

Regards,
Poirot.

boarderwoozel3
10-02-2008, 12:43 AM
Dear Buttsecks,

ouch.

You know,
BW3

TommyboyUNM
10-02-2008, 01:19 AM
Dear headache,


Fuck off. I wanna get some sleep.


Love,
Tomas

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 07:29 AM
Dear Missing Gertrude,
How is Dr Who marketed there? That show seems like it has a HUGE budget and tons of merchandise, so my husband and I were figuring it must be a big hit over there in the UK.

Amy

fiyahhh!
10-02-2008, 07:55 AM
Dear Owls Books,
I recently purchased a textbook from you through Amazon. Charging $40 is fair, but leaving the $4.99 price tag on it was an unnecessary kick to my testes. Bastards.

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 07:59 AM
awwwwwwwwwwww.... snap

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 01:48 PM
dear cunt ass instructor,

when i signed up for this course, i specifically signed up because YOU were not teaching it. remember you? the cunt last year who couldn't even get a syllabus right? the cunt who made me decipher her handwriting mid-test to HAND COPY the "updated" syllabus you never provided me when i ASKED WHAT I MISSED? the cunt who wouldn't allow you to use your notes on a test, but allowed you to use some sort of weird answer key packet i didn't get because i had to work late? yeah you. and yet there you are today when i go to print the syllabus. awesome. and since it's the end of the week, i can't start a new course this month and will have to wait until next month. oh, and i get to drive to the westside to return that expensive ass textbook i had ALREADY BOUGHT AND SOLD BACK FOR A LESSER PRICE LAST YEAR. so fuck you, cunt. i hope your personality theories choke you.

sincerely,

--one pissed off student

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 02:10 PM
Dear Missing Gertrude,
How is Dr Who marketed there? That show seems like it has a HUGE budget and tons of merchandise, so my husband and I were figuring it must be a big hit over there in the UK.

Amy

Dear Amy,

Over there in the UK, which I don't live in, yeah, Doctor Who is one of the BBC's big prestige shows. It's very strongly associated with BBC and TV critics think of it very fondly, and although not everybody would watch it, everybody would be aware of it. BBC doesn't do a whole lot of SF or anything anymore, but Dr. Who is a big brand and they can syndicate it abroad, so it more than makes it's money back.

The spin off, Torchwood, is fairly horrible though, ain't it? I'm still kinda fond of it though, like a weird looking ugly dog...

Regards,
Missing Gertrude Already.

marooko
10-02-2008, 02:13 PM
Dear MP,

This may be just the place for you to ask how the no handed lady was able reach for and pay with her credit card and such. You know, for that "hand held" gaming device. Or, nub held in her case.

also interested,
marooko

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 02:19 PM
Hmm. There's a point.

Dear Everyone,

If you had no hands, how would you wash your hair?

I chose to ask about hair washing, because I know you're all the kind of deranged bastards who have already started thinking about how you'd manage other stuff.

Regards,
Chárlótte.

CalmerThanYou
10-02-2008, 02:20 PM
fisting goes out the window...

marooko
10-02-2008, 02:24 PM
forearming. the new fisting.

CalmerThanYou
10-02-2008, 02:27 PM
well, thats what happens when fisting goes right

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 03:37 PM
***Post picture of naked chick with no legs and no arms that say's "WOULD YOU?" right here***

Cancersticks1
10-02-2008, 03:44 PM
***Post picture of naked chick with no legs and no arms that say's "WOULD YOU?" right here***

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/169/456219932_d65f2ee9cd.jpg?v=0

Well, Would You?

CalmerThanYou
10-02-2008, 03:52 PM
umm, yeah, i'd pee.

Mr. Dylanja
10-02-2008, 04:30 PM
Dear Right Index Finger,

Why oh why couldn't you click at the right time to get NIN presale tickets? I mean really, people were probably successful after your first dozen attempts. Were you trying to go 0'fer? Do you have something against Trent or Vegas for that matter? Is there some friction between you and the mouse? Whatever the case, I still point the blame at you (with my left hand).


Down and out,
Dylanja

fiyahhh!
10-02-2008, 08:32 PM
Dear Universal Music Group,
Please stop spamming on our boards. Yes, I'm talking to you musicluvr89, jazzluvr and mrjoe815. I don't know if you are all the same douchebag or just little intern twats, but either way, fuck off. I worked in a record store for eight years and it doesn't take much work to know that every band/artist you started a thread about are on labels distributed by UNI and have a new album coming out soon. Go advertise somewhere else.

CalmerThanYou
10-03-2008, 06:18 PM
Dear Date Tonight,

I know we are going to have a good time. I can only hope that we get blacked out and you dont react in an adverse way when i ask "if i can pee in your butt?" Just know that's code for boning, give me a naughty little giggle, and spread your legs...Yeah, that should be good.

Excited,
Calmer

Quadromarshia
10-03-2008, 06:25 PM
Dear Benedryl (2 capsules),

It's a shame that my first encounter with one of you almost left me in the median on I-20, but subsequently you've been making my boring nights bearable. And you give me some interesting dreams as well.

Here's to Friday, here's to us.

-Q

shakermaker113
10-04-2008, 12:36 AM
my first encounter with one of you almost left me in the median on I-20

that sounds like a story.

amyzzz
10-04-2008, 05:03 AM
Calmer,
TMI

Quadro,
me loves me some benadryl :). Just use it for sleep, you dumb fuck. ;) use that non-drowsy shit for congestion.

locachica73
10-04-2008, 08:56 AM
Dear Daughter,

Your snoring is cute and all but the flailing of arms and feet can be a bit dangerous. I appreciate that you still like to crawl in bed with mommy sometimes, although I am sure it is more for the cable then anything else. But being kicked in the head in the morning is never a nice way to wake up. How the hell did you end up upside down anyway. Next time warn me and I will wear my hard hat to bed. Sheesh.

Sincerely,
Mommy

miscorrections
10-04-2008, 04:12 PM
Dear Toaster Oven,

You simply don't have enough clearance between your rack and your roof. This is now the fifth time I have burned some portion of my hand on you and I don't appreciate it. Try growing, or hooking up with a better class of manufacturer.

Blisteringly not yours,

Corinna

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 04:26 PM
Dear Corinna,

Get smaller bread.

Regards,
Cherié.

miscorrections
10-04-2008, 04:35 PM
Dear Pseudonym,

I'm not a big fan of communion wafers.

Blasphemously yours,

Corinna

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 05:14 PM
Dear Corinna,

God doesn't want you to have toast then,

Regards,
Sophié

miscorrections
10-04-2008, 05:15 PM
Dear Frenchie,

I thought you were Irish.

Nominally in sync with my ancestry (I think),

Corinna

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 05:26 PM
Dear miscorrections,

I am, but I wanted everybody to imagine my posts being in a French accent. I think it's sexier. I got the idea from some flag-loving nutjob. (http://coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21808&page=3)

Amitiés,
Nicolas Sarkozy

miscorrections
10-04-2008, 05:28 PM
Dear Nicolas,

Come back to bed.

Love,

Carla Bruni

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 05:36 PM
Dear Hot Sexy Carla,

Bed? We're French, for God's sake. The world is our waterbed. We've got a million more exciting work-surfaces to explore!

I'll be there in a while though. Me and the guys are having a few wines. We're really tearing it up. I've only got a G8 summit tomorrow, so I figure I can go nuts -

XCzeh3JuZtM

- without anybody noticing.

Frenchly,

Sexozy.

BROKENDOLL
10-04-2008, 06:48 PM
Dear Date Tonight,

I know we are going to have a good time. I can only hope that we get blacked out and you dont react in an adverse way when i ask "if i can pee in your butt?" Just know that's code for boning, give me a naughty little giggle, and spread your legs...Yeah, that should be good.

Excited,
Calmer


Calmer, TMI. http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w18/1BROKENDOLL/4hsswfb_th.jpgDon't worry, Amyzzz...He'll probably end up utilizing this code for "boning..."

frozen pilgrim
10-06-2008, 10:51 AM
to PC2-violence:

listen. pick someone else to have a useless flame war with. I have a great sense of humor, but I'm getting mighty sick of you just trolling the board for things to argue with me about.
seriously, I'm not upset here, I'm just worried that you follow me around trying to start arguments. you don't even bother talking about what's in the thread, you just try and insult me. seriously, find some annoying lurkers to flame. but in case you haven't noticed, what you're doing isn't appreciated by any of the board regulars. you ruined tags (yes, everyone knows it was you that got tags taken away), and you don't even contribute anything useful in return. I can't even remember what we argued about first. was it roger waters? was it paint stripping guns versus vaporizers? was it the deftones? who cares? the fact is, everyone else on here has their spats, and then moves on. you've been sore over whatever's up for like two months, dude. nobody's going to think less of you for dropping a stupid grudge. in fact, I bet you'll be respected more for just being a board member instead of trying to make a name for yourself around here by following me around, being a dick.
this is an olive branch, or as close as it comes around these parts. seriously, just give it up so we can talk about some music.

amyzzz
10-06-2008, 10:55 AM
Uhm, I didn't know he was the one who got tags taken away....

frozen pilgrim
10-06-2008, 11:13 AM
yeah. the tags got removed because people wouldn't leave personal stuff out. i.e. PC and cheddar's tags about my apparent proficiency at sucking cock. I found them funny, but I knew what was coming as a result.
at any rate, he seriously needs to stop being so irrelevantly personal. whenever I post something, he doesn't have anything relevant to say, he just posts the equivalent of "I don't like you". it's really like pulling the hair of a girl you like. I'm trying to acknowledge that this is an image issue, about feeling like he needs to have a rival or something, but I'm just not interested in playing, you know?

miscorrections
10-06-2008, 11:43 AM
Well, you've got to be a teensy bit interested or you wouldn't be talking about it at length.

frozen pilgrim
10-06-2008, 11:44 AM
meh. I've been mostly ignoring him for about a month, I figured it couldn't hurt to try and reason with him

interested would be the wrong word. I'm not interested in playing games with this particular little kid. now if he wants to talk like a grown-up, I'll make sure I try to be interested in what he's talking about.

Blinken
10-06-2008, 11:44 AM
That is not why the tags got removed. It had nothing to do with him insulting you. Dani didn't know they had been activated when they upgraded the message board software, and once she noticed them they were gone immediatly. The only thread she noticed them in was the survivor thread, you can she where she noticed them and then immediatly deleted them. It had nothing to do with PC2 or you.

frozen pilgrim
10-06-2008, 11:47 AM
she made comments about the personal nature of the tags in one of the dreaded 'tag' threads. probably in one of the ones that got deleted.

if I knew for sure it had nothing to do with the dudes trolling me, I'd feel better. I don't like to think I had a hand in that parade getting rained on. so thanks, man. that actually helps.

my point about PC remains the same though.

Wheres the beef?
10-06-2008, 11:50 AM
That is not why the tags got removed. It had nothing to do with him insulting you. Dani didn't know they had been activated when they upgraded the message board software, and once she noticed them they were gone immediatly. The only thread she noticed them in was the survivor thread, you can she where she noticed them and then immediatly deleted them. It had nothing to do with PC2 or you.

God I miss the tags.

frozen pilgrim
10-06-2008, 11:54 AM
at coachella, we should tape large pieces of paper to the bottom of the set time boards with the word "tags" on them and see what happens :P

amyzzz
10-06-2008, 12:24 PM
at coachella, we should tape large pieces of paper to the bottom of the set time boards with the word "tags" on them and see what happens :P
That's actually pretty funny.

TomAz
10-06-2008, 12:32 PM
Dear People,

Please cease breaking the form for this thread.

Yours, etc etc,

T. Az.

CalmerThanYou
10-06-2008, 01:21 PM
Dear Date Tonight,

I know we are going to have a good time. I can only hope that we get blacked out and you dont react in an adverse way when i ask "if i can pee in your butt?" Just know that's code for boning, give me a naughty little giggle, and spread your legs...Yeah, that should be good.

Excited,
Calmer

Dear Date on Friday Night,

What a blast! We had a great dinner, got drunk, had sex, and you didnt even remember it! i think things are really getting started off on the right foot.

Ecstatic,
Calmer

PS - You were SOOOOOOOOO cute alert puking in my downstairs trashcan before I pee'd in your butt!!!

Hopeless Semantic
10-06-2008, 01:33 PM
Dear Friend of Last Girl I Was Seeing,

If you ever come upon this message board, read Calmer's post above. The next time we hang out, I expect said things to happen...sans the purchase of dinner.

Thanks,
HS.

locachica73
10-06-2008, 01:33 PM
Dear Calmer,

If she didn't remember it do you still get bragging rights?

Just Curious,
Loca

Hopeless Semantic
10-06-2008, 01:35 PM
Dear Loca,

This is why Jehovah invented the digi camera.

Respectfully,
HS

JustSteve
10-06-2008, 01:36 PM
dear coachella message board,

prepare for the invasion...

CalmerThanYou
10-06-2008, 01:37 PM
Dear Everyone Concerned,

You can't rape the willing.

Calmer,
BoBo

locachica73
10-06-2008, 01:37 PM
Dear HS,

Good to know, remind me to frisk my dates before going out to dinner with them, just to make sure they aren't carrying a digi camera. DENY DENY DENY

Now Scared,
Loca

Hopeless Semantic
10-06-2008, 01:38 PM
Dear All,

It isn't rape if you tell her/him first...

Sincerely,
Mike T.

Hopeless Semantic
10-06-2008, 01:39 PM
Dear HS,

Good to know, remind me to frisk my dates before going out to dinner with them, just to make sure they aren't carrying a digi camera. DENY DENY DENY

Now Scared,
Loca

Dear Loca,

If you're dealing with a newbie, he may be holding a digi. However, if you're dealing with a veteran--check behind the pillow and/or underneath the bed. These are usually prime location for those who cannot afford the nanny cam.

Dutifully,
HS

locachica73
10-06-2008, 01:39 PM
Dear You Guys,

It wasn't really a question of raping the willing, more so of wondering about the quality, if she can't remember it means you didn't bone her sober which is usually what happens if done right, well at least from past experiences I have read about since I am still a virgin and all.

Sincerely,
Me

locachica73
10-06-2008, 01:41 PM
Dear Loca,

If you're dealing with a newbie, he may be holding a digi. However, if you're dealing with a veteran--check behind the pillow and/or underneath the bed. These are usually prime location for those who cannot afford the nanny cam.

Dutifully,
HS

Dear HS,

Thanks for the tips. I will keep that in mind next time I pick a guy up at the dennys.

Yours Truly,
LC

CalmerThanYou
10-06-2008, 01:43 PM
Dear You Guys,

It wasn't really a question of raping the willing, more so of wondering about the quality, if she can't remember it means you didn't bone her sober which is usually what happens if done right, well at least from past experiences I have read about since I am still a virgin and all.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear LC,

You're a virgin? That's not to be trusted...

KoKO

locachica73
10-06-2008, 01:45 PM
Dear Calmer,

Yeah the kids were baught at walmart. I am staying true till I find "The One". hahahaha

Honestly,
LC

BROKENDOLL
10-06-2008, 03:04 PM
Dear Calmer,

If she didn't remember it do you still get bragging rights?

Just Curious,
Loca Drunk Don't Count...


Dear Everyone Concerned,

You can't rape the willing.

Calmer,
BoBo Right. As if the intensity of a woman's sexual desire explodes and her neediness to be pounded skyrockets immediately after puking into the closest receptacle in sight!

locachica73
10-06-2008, 03:08 PM
Drunk Don't Count...

Dear BD,

In that case I damn near am a virgin.

Sincerely,
LC

boarderwoozel3
10-06-2008, 03:14 PM
Dear ya'll,

WTF?

High,
Bw3

locachica73
10-06-2008, 03:18 PM
Dear BW3:

I'm Jealous!!!

Wishing I Were High,
LC

fatbastard
10-06-2008, 05:27 PM
Dear Dan.

Today was a sad day. It was announced that you were killed by someone who hit you on your motorcycle this weekend. We were just talking with each other on Friday.

I had no idea that you were with the company for 33 years. That’s just insane. I’ll always remember you as the green beret of the sales department. A majority of the sales guys came in 15 minutes before the 8:00AM sales conference call, while you had been here in the office since 4:00AM. I hear people from across the country have been calling in to give their condolences. You were a bad ass and the whole company respected you. Thank you brother for doing what you did for this company. The revenue you generated helped make us a better business and helped add more money into my 401K.

You were a polite and respectful old dude that I enjoyed working with. I’ll see you again one day and we’ll finally have a beer together and not have to worry about the clock and the work that needs to be done. It was a pleasure knowing you.

Love and respect my friend.
FB

Quadromarshia
10-06-2008, 05:54 PM
Dear Royksopp,

It's October. You haven't released any singles, gave us an album name, no statements- Hell, you haven't updated your websites since The Understanding/Royksopp's Night Out!

Yes, it might have been hasty for your label to set a release date without your consent, but hey, you've had two years. Same goes for you Erland, stop being such dick and put out a new KOC/Whitest Boy Alive album.

You Norwegians are on watch.

Hjertelige din,
Q

chairmenmeow47
10-07-2008, 08:29 AM
dear verizon,

thank you SO MUCH for sending my security deposit back via check yesterday. i am pretty broke since i decided to buy those two sweaters from express, but i can now confidently rip their tags off now that i have this check. you rock, verizon, thank you.

sincerely,

--ms. delightfully surprised pants

p.s. ears, STOP FUCKING RINGING FOR NO APPARENT REASON!

locachica73
10-07-2008, 08:31 AM
Dear Ivy,

When your ears ring it means someone is talking about you right? Probably the boys talking about how cute you look holding the big ole gun.

Impressed,
Loca

chairmenmeow47
10-07-2008, 08:34 AM
Dear Ivy,

When your ears ring it means someone is talking about you right? Probably the boys talking about how cute you look holding the big ole gun.

Impressed,
Loca

loca,

good point, though it was in both ears, which i thought means you're going deaf. i'll take your explanation over mein any day!!!

sincerely,

--deaf pants

MissingPerson
10-07-2008, 08:34 AM
Maybe it just means Verizon are actually in your brain.

chairmenmeow47
10-07-2008, 08:35 AM
Maybe it just means Verizon are actually in your brain.

*thinks "can you hear me now" at you*

bug on your lip
10-07-2008, 08:45 AM
maybe you hear the Christmas displays that are going up at Lowes-Wal Mart-Target-Home Depot-Menards

locachica73
10-07-2008, 08:46 AM
Dear Person Down the Way,

Put your fucking phone on vibrate or at least find a less annoying ring tone. If you plan on leaving your desk for a long period of time please tell your wife to stop calling you over and over and over. It sounds like the ice cream man is coming and I now want a big stick popsicle. DAMN YOU!!!

Sincerely,
Annoyed.

BROKENDOLL
10-07-2008, 10:52 AM
Chairmenmeow, It's come to my attention in several of your posts, that you have a thing for spelling the word "mine" as "mein." At first I assumed it was due to a slight case of say, dislexia or, perhaps that you suffer from the same thing I do at times...typinbg faster than I think. (As you can see, I've provided a sample. :)) In any case, after seeing this "mein" regularly, I realized you may have a little German ancestory in you that pops up on occassion or, maybe, just maybe, the rest of us are spelling it wrong? Curious, but not complaining, Brokendoll

CalmerThanYou
10-07-2008, 11:12 AM
Dear Guy/Gal Who Washes Your Windows While Driving,

Much like the 14 y/o's that roll at shows, i fucking hate you. I dont give a fuck if your car is so dirty that you cant possibly see out of it until you get home or to a gas station, that just means your a dirty lazy fuck. WHY, OH WHY do you have to use your windshield wiper fluid when I'm RIGHT behind you in my FRESHLY cleaned car? How do you know i just got it washed? How do you know it's one of my biggest pet peeves? Why can't you wait until you are stopped so it doesnt spray everywhere except your windshield?

Can you not have the fucking decency (like myself) to make sure no one is close behind you when you do this? I may just fucking rear end you next time for spritzing my clean car.

Fuck you today,
CleanerThanYou

amyzzz
10-07-2008, 11:20 AM
haha I do that. Only I'm out of fluid at the moment.

chairmenmeow47
10-07-2008, 11:57 AM
dear amy & calmer,

that's what you both get for hating people who want to clear an obstruction of vision so they can see where their thousand pound piece of machinery is going. ever hear of kamikaze bugs?!

sincerely,

--watches where they're going

TomAz
10-07-2008, 11:58 AM
Dear people,

Did you hear the one about the guy with the Verizon dick?

T. Az.






PS. "Can you feel me now?"

Hannahrain
10-07-2008, 12:05 PM
Dear Band of Horses,

I keep forgetting about you and mentally writing you off as another indie band that reminds me of everything. And then, when I listen to you on a whim or on shuffle or something, I remember how good you are. I'm sorry I constantly take you for granted, I guess is what I mean. Seeing you live a few weeks back was excellent. Could we perhaps rendezvous at some point in April in southern California? I'd owe you one.

Sheepishly,
Hannah

amyzzz
10-07-2008, 12:14 PM
Dear Ivy,
I'm one of the people who cleans her windshield with her wiper fluid. I don't hate anyone who does that.

Confused,
Amy

sbessiso
10-07-2008, 12:16 PM
Dear Hannah,

I just "acquired" both Band of Horses cds (unless they have more). Reading your letter makes me excited to give it a whirl. I hear non-stop praise about them.

s.b.

HEADSTRUCK
10-07-2008, 12:18 PM
dear sbessiso,
I miss you.....come visit us soon
mark

sbessiso
10-07-2008, 12:23 PM
Dear HEADSTRUCK,

I miss you too :(. Congrats on passing "the test". I will be there in spirit for your celebration. The day we reunite will be more magical than PrinceChella (or at least AS magical)
salah

Hopeless Semantic
10-07-2008, 01:21 PM
Dear Salah and Mark,

When you do reunite in So.Cal, let me know. I will be sure to bring a date along and we can double-up. Though, I'm hetero all the way--it will be nice to have brunch with you two. I will even spring for the bananas foster if that's the dessert of choice. The best in life for you two...

H/S

emtgreg
10-07-2008, 02:16 PM
Dear Salah,

when I took this photo, I thought of you.

http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/emtgreg/IMG_0198.jpg

:D

- Sincerely,

emtgreg

sbessiso
10-07-2008, 02:33 PM
Dear Hopless Semantic,
That sounds absolutely delightful! Bananas foster rock. While I appreciate your well wishes, Mark and I are far from a done deal. Here's hoping Coachella 09 will seal the deal.

Dear emtgreg,
Gotta love the V-cut! Those pants are barely hanging on. Feel free to post any other pictures of a similar nature.


With :pulse,
Salah

locachica73
10-08-2008, 08:58 AM
To Guys At The Bar:

Thank you so much for reminding me that I have a lisp. I mean I have had the same lisp since I was a child but sometimes I forget and no one has really felt a need to remind me of this since I was like 12. So it is very nice of you to point it out to me while sucking down your bud light through your missing teeth. Oh by the way, your missing some teeth, just in case you forgot. And stop doing meth, it fucks up your face. Just so you know.

SSSSSSSSSincerely,
LC

________________________________

Dear guy who I beat at poker:

I beat you, fair and square, so going outside and bragging to your friends about how you let the girl win just because you felt bad for her really was kind of sad. It is a free fucking game anyway so why did you get so pissy and throw your chips when I won. Would you like me to buy you a bud light to make up for it?

Just let me know,
1st Place Winner

marooko
10-08-2008, 09:07 AM
you should have totally told him.

allyjoy
10-08-2008, 09:15 AM
Dear mechanical engineer I met @ the bar last night:

Thanks for talking to me about physics last night. It was fun. By the way, If I buy you a bottle of whatever you were drinking last night, can we do it again?

Sincerely,
Intrigued by Y


Dear Weed/Marijuana/Mary-Jane/etc.:

Thank you for curing my nausea from last night's drinking. You're a mench!

:pulse
Ally

Hopeless Semantic
10-08-2008, 09:42 AM
Dear Cute Girl Renting the Neighbor's Spare Room,

I know you are either a vicious party girl or are turning tricks to make ends meet. Both are really amicable goals in a young person's life, but also can come with the negative stigma of jealousy and pious asshole's personal opinion. I'm not one of them. I, for one, would enjoy partying with someone as aesthetically pleasing as you are. If you are the latter, how much for an hour of your time and do you charge extra for an anal excursion?
What about including toys and/or a 2nd female? Do you have a pimp? I know, I know, this is a lot to ask, but I'm always looking for new business ventures!

Thanks from a Concerned Neighbor,
H/S

chairmenmeow47
10-08-2008, 10:06 AM
Dear Ivy,
I'm one of the people who cleans her windshield with her wiper fluid. I don't hate anyone who does that.

Confused,
Amy

dear amy,

sorry for the confusion yesterday, i was all hopped up on dayquil and sick.

sincerely,

--feeling better

locachica73
10-08-2008, 10:10 AM
Dear Therapist Chick,

You asking me to make a list of all the things that add stress to my life actually added stress to my life so go ahead and add that to the list. Therapy should not be stressfull, sheesh.

Sincerely,
Spun Too Tight

fatbastard
10-09-2008, 05:39 AM
To Guys At The Bar:

Thank you so much for reminding me that I have a lisp. I mean I have had the same lisp since I was a child but sometimes I forget and no one has really felt a need to remind me of this since I was like 12. So it is very nice of you to point it out to me while sucking down your bud light through your missing teeth. Oh by the way, your missing some teeth, just in case you forgot. And stop doing meth, it fucks up your face. Just so you know.

SSSSSSSSSincerely,
LC

________________________________

Dear guy who I beat at poker:

I beat you, fair and square, so going outside and bragging to your friends about how you let the girl win just because you felt bad for her really was kind of sad. It is a free fucking game anyway so why did you get so pissy and throw your chips when I won. Would you like me to buy you a bud light to make up for it?

Just let me know,
1st Place Winner

Can you PM me your phone number? I'd like to hear it on your answering machine:-)

locachica73
10-09-2008, 07:58 AM
Can you PM me your phone number? I'd like to hear it on your answering machine:-)

Dear FB...

Sure but let me first change my message to shally shells sheashells by the sheashore so you can get the full effect. :)

Ssssshhhhhhinsherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrly
LC

PS, I use to not be able to say my R's when I was a kid but years of speach therapy helped the R's but then my S's fucked up.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2008, 08:12 AM
Dear Coachella Message Board,

While I'm relieved to see you are still regular, I am a bit concerned about yr well-being. I bought you something to ease the agony.
http://members.aol.com/montaukny/myhomepage/midol.jpg

Uncomfortably yours,
Li'l Timmy Teabag, age 8 1/2

fatbastard
10-09-2008, 10:26 AM
Dear FB...

Sure but let me first change my message to shally shells sheashells by the sheashore so you can get the full effect. :)

Ssssshhhhhhinsherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrly
LC

PS, I use to not be able to say my R's when I was a kid but years of speach therapy helped the R's but then my S's fucked up.

Screw them. People with liscps are shexy:-)

Blinken
10-09-2008, 10:59 AM
Dear Loca,

I feel you on those R's. mine always came out as W's so I was called Ewic in school because of it, Speach therapy helped alot. But every now and then when I get weally drunk it slightly comes back.

- Ewic

locachica73
10-09-2008, 11:06 AM
Dear Blinken:

Yeah my R's were W's too, and my sisters name is Adrienne which I couldn't say so I called her ReRe which came out WeWe. She wasn't impressed lol. I still to this day can't say whole wide world without thinking really hard about it.

Shinsherely,
LC

_____________________________________________

Dear FB:

Yeah and someone once told me that my lisp is due to the fact my tongue is too big for my mouth, not sure if that is as sexy on a girl as it is on a guy but I will use what I can, lol.

Shinsherely,
LChe

chairmenmeow47
10-10-2008, 09:57 AM
dear facilities bitch,

that's right. don't fuck with the ivysaur. ENJOY CREATING THAT REQUISITION AND EXPLAINING TO CORPORATE ACCOUNTING WHY YOU DID EVERYTHING WRONG!

sincerely,

--smug as fuck

locachica73
10-10-2008, 10:03 AM
Dearest 5 PM...

I sit here at work counting the minutes for you to arrive. It seems like it will take forever for you to be here. Why do you have such an effect on me. My mind is full of thoughts of you.

Waiting with sweet anticipation,
LC

chairmenmeow47
10-10-2008, 01:02 PM
dear coordinator,

if you're going to ask me every god damned day when you can work on something and i set up a meeting with you at 2pm to discuss the project you can now finally work on now that you have the access you need, don't go take your fucking lunch.

sincerely,

--pissed off pants

locachica73
10-10-2008, 01:11 PM
Dear Bosses:

No one is actually working, it is a beautiful day outside, most of the Project Managers are out playing golf and the only ones in the office are the cackling hens and the slackers who are cruising the net (me). Why not give us the go ahead to leave early so we can enjoy the nice day outside... huh... huh... pretty please with suga?

Sincerely,
Slacker

amyzzz
10-10-2008, 01:42 PM
OMG lady behind me at work,
Stop bitching about politics. You live in fucking AZ, McCain will win our state, not Obama, so STFU. (she's complaining about Obama being a superstar, complaining about people making fun of Palin, etc).

ARGHHHHH!
trying to stay quiet, trying not to get mad, I know you're losing all your money in the stock market and we might go on strike tonight and you don't want to, but MY GOD. Calm down, lady.

argh.

trying not to stress,
Amy

MissingPerson
10-10-2008, 01:45 PM
Dear College,

I love you more than I thought I would. I'm really happy, and it's been a while.

Uncharacteristically content,
Córinne.

CalmerThanYou
10-10-2008, 01:47 PM
Dear College,

I love you more than I thought I would. I'm really happy, and it's been a while.

Uncharacteristically content,
Córinne.

college is the best thing in the entire galaxy. I daydream about the days of lore all the time...

Blinken
10-10-2008, 02:42 PM
Dear college,

I miss you. I want to see again sometime, I promise to leave my current job for you.

-Blinken

MissingPerson
10-10-2008, 02:48 PM
I worked straight out of school, and twatted around for a while before I went back to college. I'm gonna be old when I get my degree - 27 - but I'm kind of glad I did it that way, because my attitude towards studying sucked after school. Weird having no money again though.

locachica73
10-10-2008, 02:49 PM
Dear Poker Gods:

Thank you for giving me a royal flush last night. That was the first and only time I have ever gotten such a nice hand. Although I could have gone without the celebretory jager bombs that kept me up all night last night. Now I am crashing and I still have over an hour to go. Hopefully nobody notices me napping at my desk.

Yours Truly, Madly, Deeply,

LC

locachica73
10-10-2008, 02:50 PM
I worked straight out of school, and twatted around for a while before I went back to college. I'm gonna be old when I get my degree - 27 - but I'm kind of glad I did it that way, because my attitude towards studying sucked after school. Weird having no money again though.

27 is old???? Holy shit, I must be ancient. :)

I love the term "I twatted around". Very nice, I may have to borrow it sometime.

chairmenmeow47
10-10-2008, 03:01 PM
I worked straight out of school, and twatted around for a while before I went back to college. I'm gonna be old when I get my degree - 27 - but I'm kind of glad I did it that way, because my attitude towards studying sucked after school. Weird having no money again though.

daer MP,

i TOTALLY know what you mean. i graduated early from high school, and at 17 i had my own place and my parents paying for everything for me to go to college. but all i did was party. i dropped out, moved in with my boyfriend and got a job. it was then i realized what i ACTUALLY liked doing as far as work (and more importantly, what i didn't like). a few years later i started back in school part-time (paid for by my work at a non-traditional university they own) and i realized how much i actually love school. i'm taking my time, it's taken me 5 years to get here and i only have like 63 credits, but at the same time, i study really hard and actually learn what i'm studying, whereas a lot of people i know are just doing what they HAVE to in order to pass.

i've been thinking about going back for my bachelors once i finish up this associates to a "normal" university a lot lately. the lack of money thing seems hard, but i think this time i could actually focus on my studies. your story is encouraging and i will keep that in mind as i decide what the hell i'm going to do in the next few months.

sincerely,

--a worldwide classmate :)

BROKENDOLL
10-10-2008, 03:08 PM
Dear Missing Person~~~ In regards to your new love of college, I'm extremely happy for you. I'm thinking a supplemental math and history class couldn't hurt either, seeing as you're heading out into the big wide world thinking that 27 is old. Back when men used to drag their bitches around by the hair and live in a cave, 27 may have been old, but times have changed, as well as lifespans. According to your calculations now, poor Locachica thinks she's ancient! Imagine what I must be thinking...Sincerely, Brokendoll

BROKENDOLL
10-10-2008, 03:18 PM
Worldwide Classmate,
Just a friendly head's up...If you're believing in Missing Person's theory on the aging process, you'ld better fucking hurry your ass up! Seriously, 47 and Teetering on the Edge of My Grave

leo01g
10-10-2008, 04:00 PM
Dear Purdue,
Thank You. thank you Very very much. Some day I will work for you guys

leo

bleep
10-10-2008, 04:09 PM
Dear Belle,

Why the heck did you have to shag Ben? He's precious. Needy whore.

Embarrassed to be hooked on a show about prostitutes,
Non-whore

MissingPerson
10-11-2008, 06:39 AM
Dear Worldwide Classmates,

Go us!

Also,

Dear Family,

In between full time college and the part time job I'm doing to try and pay for it, I have somehow mustered up a day off. It could be Christmas before I see another one of these, so I figured "I'll go home and visit my family, that's what I'll do", and did the whole five hour round trip to come and visit. I just want to chill, hang out, and see my folks, before the shop gets too busy or my exams get too near to do this.

Kindly stop bickering with each other over stupid shit during the precious few non-work, non-study hours I have. The fact that you couldn't stow it for a few fucking hours annoys me, but not nearly as much as hearing your stupid arguments going over my head. It's like hearing a baby crying on a plane.

Next time I have a day off, I think I'll spend it elsewhere, and that makes me feel like a bad person.

Regards,
Maybélline.

TommyboyUNM
10-11-2008, 07:21 AM
Dear co-worker,


Stop making ridiculous statements just because your Christer-ass feels a certain way. Telling me and Ashley, one of the only cool people in the building, that we are "ignorant" because we say the word "fuck" every now and then is utterly retarted. You're a kid who just got out of college and listens to shit Christer music. Ashley has her Master's degree and I will have my Master's degree in June. But I guess saying "fuck" takes away from what we have/are about to accomplish.

Oh, Radiohead is NOT heavy metal. Are you fucking kidding me? Radiohead.....heavy metal....haha. When we're talking about Radiohead please don't chime in with "Oh you guys listen to heavy metal? That stuff is too angry for me." Who is the ignorant one now?

Stay out of our conversations, stop believing what your pastor tells you and kindly FUCK off.


The lord be with you,
Tommy

MissingPerson
10-11-2008, 04:19 PM
Dear Everyone,

Where the hell is that Efterklang CD? I've only listened to the fucking thing once. Does my flatmate have it? I can find the fucking case, but where's the disc?

Regards,

Jéan-Marie Cousteau.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 04:25 PM
Dear Jean-Marie Cousteau,

So are you Irish or French? What the fuck?

Curious,

Naming Convention

MissingPerson
10-11-2008, 04:33 PM
Dear RSW,

We all look the same you guys anyway, right?

I'm Irish, but French sounds hilarious in my accent. You should hear me try to do that French R thing, it's hysterical.

Regards,
Running Óut Of Frénch Namés. (http://coachella.com/forum/showpost.php?p=756189&postcount=1556)

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 04:37 PM
That was a lengthy fucking rabbithole you lured me down. And all women look alike when they're upside down.

MissingPerson
10-12-2008, 06:34 AM
Dear Coachella Board,

I'm on my lunch break. Hi, from my lunchbreak. You were pretty quiet for me today, but that gout thing made it worth my while swinging by.

Later,
Henriétte.

chairmenmeow47
10-12-2008, 12:37 PM
dear fuckhead who tried to steal from me last night,

thanks for not only trying to steal my phone, but for yelling at me when i stopped you as though it were my fault you were stealing from it. how silly of me to think that i could set my bag down on a speaker in front of me and not have someone come up to steal from it. what was i thinking? trying to dance at a rave and all, silly me.

sincerely,

--violated in arizona

locachica73
10-13-2008, 09:33 AM
To Guys Who Actually Dance,

Just because I am out dancing with my girls does not give you the right to come up and grind up in between us. If you can't come up to us while we are not dancing and ask if we would like to dance, giving us the opportunity to say no, then you can't come up while we are out there and rub yourself up against us. How would you like it if your sister or mother were out at a bar with her friends and some scumbag came up and started grabbing on them? It is inappropriate that I know the size of your penis from it rubbing on my ass prior to knowing your name. You are damn lucky I don't carry pepper spray anymore.

Sincerely,
Bitchy Dancing Queen

locachica73
10-13-2008, 09:37 AM
To the guy who got my number Friday:

There is no such thing as 80% single, don't call me again till you reach 100%. Married men taste funny.

Thanks,
Me

fatbastard
10-13-2008, 10:31 AM
To Guys Who Actually Dance,

Just because I am out dancing with my girls does not give you the right to come up and grind up in between us. If you can't come up to us while we are not dancing and ask if we would like to dance, giving us the opportunity to say no, then you can't come up while we are out there and rub yourself up against us. How would you like it if your sister or mother were out at a bar with her friends and some scumbag came up and started grabbing on them? It is inappropriate that I know the size of your penis from it rubbing on my ass prior to knowing your name. You are damn lucky I don't carry pepper spray anymore.

Sincerely,
Bitchy Dancing Queen


https://www.msu.edu/~walkerc6/barhops.jpg

locachica73
10-13-2008, 10:58 AM
LOL ok they were dressed a bit more thuggish then that but you get the idea. :)

MissingPerson
10-13-2008, 11:14 AM
Dear Microsoft,

Your new "upgraded" Hotmail blows goats, and crashes Explorer approximately 54 thousand times a second.

NB - This is not an invitation for a discussion about Linux or gmail.

Regards,
Chémise.

allyjoy
10-13-2008, 01:03 PM
Dear Columbus:

Eventhough you technically did not discover America, found Hispanola when you were trying to get to India, and basically caused the genocidal destruction of all indigenous persons in the western hemisphere, I totally appreciate the day off. :thu

-Ally

allyjoy
10-16-2008, 07:55 AM
Dear Building Management:

Get rid of the creeper security guard. Seriously. He has a chester molester grin and he knows my name. Literally thousands of people work in this building, and he knows my name without me introducing myself to him. His eyes follow the ass of every woman that passes by, leering at her. It's disgusting and if it weren't for the fact that he works mornings, I would be afraid to go to the parking garage because he looks like a rapist. Honestly, truly, if you value the safety and comfort of the people employed in your building, fire the fucker.

Thank you,
Concerned Employee

MissingPerson
10-16-2008, 07:56 AM
Dear Allyjoy,

Fuck. That.

Damn creepy security guards...

Regards,
Sac-à-Dos

Hopeless Semantic
10-16-2008, 08:16 AM
Dear Student,

You know, it is alright to say no to oral copulation. The cancre sore on the corner of your upper lip may denote a little too much fun. Now, it may be presumptious of me to make an assumption on where or how you received such joyous vestle of pus, but when you wear Juicy Couture shorts which leave little to be imagined and shirts with quaint, substantial sayings like "All For The Money Shot" and "Skeet Skeet Skeet", it ain't hard to tell. Yes, I've noticed all the subtle nuances you present because, well, its hard not to notice the co-eds on a college campus. I am human and sometimes to keep from wasting away from boredom, look. However, I am not a transmitter of STDs so I guess there is nothing to worry about. But my friend on the board, Ally, knows a security guard you might be interested in throatfucking.

Hope You Get a Career with Great Health Care Options,
H to the S

locachica73
10-16-2008, 08:24 AM
Dear Temporary Personel Companies,

Enough fucking calendars already. It is October 16th, why the fuck are you going to bring me a stack of 2008 calendars? And why do you find it necessary to send some made up barbie doll in stiletto heels out to a construction site to bring me old calendars anyway? Do you realize how muddy and crazy it gets out here? Although I will admit that watching your little barbie doll sales girls trying to make their way from their car to the trailer without getting dirty does make me giggle a little, it just isn't very safe. Yes I secretly hope one of them will slip and fall in the mud or get her pointy heal stuck in the stairs and fall on her ass. But then there will be a law suit and that just isn't appropriate. So please, even if you want to send the hot chicks out here to try to sell us temp personel could you at least warn them to dress appropriately? There is a big sign that says hard hats, safety glasses and appropriate construction attire required, do the women you hire have the ability to read? Just curious.

Sincerely,
cranky girl

MissingPerson
10-16-2008, 11:24 AM
Dear Joe The Plumber,

Fucking $250,000.

Jesus Christ, my heart bleeds Joe.

This year, after working a wide and entertaining spectrum of dead-end jobs since I was 17, I made the decision to go back to College. My monthly rent is €400. My monthly living costs are about €500 and I pay about €250 a month on power, phone, tv etc. That doesn't include one off purchases, "luxuries", transport, my actual college fees or entertainment. And I am not partying the nights and days away, Joe, believe me.

The Government wants to reinstate full college fees for students, and probably will, by next year. That would effectively shut me out of third level education, and mean that the future I'm working my ass off for now would be out of reach for good. Every day I'm not at college, I'm at work, and I do both not knowing if I'll be able to afford to come back next year for the second year of my four year degree anyway.

Hell, maybe that doesn't matter anyway. Ireland was the first country in the EU to officially declare a recession crisis, because our economy is absolutely tied to the US, so even if I somehow manage to make it through college, there still probably won't be a job for me. Certainly not in Ireland.

Last week I earned €54. Yes, that's fifty - and four - euro.

I have no idea where I'm going to be this time next year - but I don't have time to worry about that, because when your pulling in fifty four fucking euro a week, a year is a long time away.

So fuck you, Joe the Plumber.

You can cram every one of those two hundred and fifty thousand individual dollar bills so far up your arse you'll need one of your plumber buddies to get it back out, one soggy stinking buck at a time. I have so little sympathy for your situation, I'm actually bringing the national sympathy average down single-handedly. It's astounding, that lack of sympathy. It's interfering with the damn tide. Birds are dropping out of the sky overhead, so furious is my lack of sympathy. In fact, even the moon itself is starting to wobble in it's fucking orbit, mere gravity unable to overcome the more powerful force of my monumental lack of sympathy, for you, Joe The Plumber.

Fuck right off, Joe The Plumber.

Regards,
La Haine.

allyjoy
10-16-2008, 11:30 AM
Dear La Haine,

Joe the Plumber only makes 186,344 euros. Does it make you feel better to know your money is worth more than his? Of course, you're also getting raped on the cost of your utilities. So I guess it's a good news/bad news sort of thing.

Cheers!
Ally

MissingPerson
10-16-2008, 11:35 AM
I would love €186,344 right about now.

I feel a shitload better having got that off my chest. Sorry Joe, it really wasn't about you. I'm just cranky 'cause the government budget just got laid out this week, and it's going to kick the living shit out of me. Protests next week though, and I do love those.

allyjoy
10-16-2008, 11:37 AM
That's one thing I appreciate about you Europeans. There's almost full disclosure from your government. We're all secrets and distractions. I'm a little jealous.

zenidogx
10-16-2008, 11:53 AM
i was looking for this thread . . .

Dear HP/ Geek Squad
Go fuck yourselves. I sent my laptop out to get a new battery, ac adapter, and wireless card. Three weeks later i get my laptop back. no new battery or ac adapter. I had to order the ac adapter separately and waited another week without the convenience of my laptop. One fucking month of my life nearly wasted. I spent everyday in that time in the school's library on their shitty computers hating myself. I had several essays to write during the past month and had to rush them because i was limited by a fucking bus schedule. At first, I had no problem with all that wasted time because i figured i would eventually get a laptop back capable of being wireless. Well, i have no fucking wireless and i lost three good weeks of time. I want to make an angry phone call now, but I don't have the fucking patience at this point to speak to an Indian dude. Go to hell HP, i hope you get the aidz.

Sincerely,
Pissed off college student dependent on his laptop

Quadromarshia
10-17-2008, 12:18 PM
Dear manager,

Thank you for the promotion! I hadn't realized till afterward that not only do I have to work every weekend now, but it doesn't come with a pay raise at all.

No, no! Don't take it the wrong way! I'm not upset, I'm just surprised that you knew about my fetish for arbitrary titles, that's all.

Sincerely,
the awkward, only white guy in the office.

allyjoy
10-17-2008, 12:51 PM
Dear Only White Guy,

Where do you work?

Sincerely,
Inquisitve POC (person of color)

leo01g
10-17-2008, 01:25 PM
dear head,
stop fucking with me! Im not hungry

I started doing some cleansing diet that hopefully will clean my system so i can get a new job.
hAS ANYone had any success? its called the Master Cleanser

allyjoy
10-17-2008, 01:31 PM
Dear Leo,

I've done that twice! I love it. First thing's first with the whole "hunger" thing. Is it that you'll eat anything or are you craving something in particular? Because if you'll eat anything, you really are hungry and you should either make yourself another "lemonade" or start downing a ton of water (I would opt for the "lemonade"). If you're just craving something in particular, you're not hungry and it's normal for the detox. I craved french fries on the third day both times I've done it. If you get light headed or start feeling nauseated, stop immediately and start eating fresh fruits & veggies because your body is not ready for the detox yet and do a few days of fruits/veggies/non fastfood and start again (but still salt water flush every night or morning) and you'll be good to go.

:pulse,
Ally

leo01g
10-17-2008, 01:47 PM
dear ally,
I feel fine I actually feel better physically but those damn cravings! For some reason im craving pizza even though i dont really like pizza. Ah im only at day 4 but thanks that really really helped and encouraged me!

:)LEO

CalmerThanYou
10-17-2008, 02:02 PM
Dear Leo and Ally,

I just did a colon/blood cleanse and it was AMAZING! not the master cleanse though, some herbal supplement one.

Sincerely,
CleanerThanYou

leo01g
10-17-2008, 02:05 PM
dear calmer,
Did it involve not eating for 10 days? or salt water flushes? those suck

leo

fatbastard
10-17-2008, 02:14 PM
dear head,
stop fucking with me! Im not hungry

I started doing some cleansing diet that hopefully will clean my system so i can get a new job.
hAS ANYone had any success? its called the Master Cleanser

I've done Stanley's cleanse. It was quite sucessful.

Quadromarshia
10-17-2008, 02:18 PM
Dear Only White Guy,

Where do you work?

Sincerely,
Inquisitve POC (person of color)


Dear POC,

I work for the US Dept. of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). My office consists of 26 African-American woman, more or less into their 30's-40's. And me.

Sincerely,
swears I'm not a racist

locachica73
10-17-2008, 03:19 PM
Dear other project coordinators...

Why must every meeting we go to turn into a bitching/giggling fest with no real issues ever being resolved. That was a total waste of 2 hours that I will never get back. How can anyone learn anything if everyone is talking at the same time about nothing at all. You all are the reason I do not get along with most women. A bunch of cackling hens. Fuck off.

Sincerely,
The quiet angry chick in the corner.

_________________________________

Dear Psychiatrist,

I think you may need to up my meds or something because my anger is out of control.

Sincerely,
Going Postal

emtgreg
10-17-2008, 03:21 PM
Dear POC,

I work for the US Dept. of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). My office consists of 26 African-American woman, more or less into their 30's-40's. And me.

Sincerely,
swears I'm not a racist


you poor poor bastard...

leo01g
10-17-2008, 04:07 PM
I've done Stanley's cleanse. It was quite sucessful.

i think its the same one

leo01g
10-17-2008, 04:33 PM
dear ally,
I feel fine I actually feel better physically but those damn cravings! For some reason im craving pizza even though i dont really like pizza. Ah im only at day 4 but thanks that really really helped and encouraged me!

:)LEO

wow did i jinx myself? my dumbass roomates just ordered pizza!!!!

Blinken
10-17-2008, 04:36 PM
wow did i jinx myself? my dumbass roomates just ordered pizza!!!!

Dear Leo,

Ha Ha

- Blink

leo01g
10-17-2008, 04:43 PM
dude im laughing at myself since i dont know what to do. They didnt even now either

fatbastard
10-18-2008, 10:00 AM
i think its the same one

Have you started?

http://healthandlight.com/TheMasterCleanse.pdf

leo01g
10-18-2008, 12:40 PM
yeah im at day five
thanks fatbastard!
Someone told me about a book that he wrote about this diet, is this it?

BROKENDOLL
10-18-2008, 01:24 PM
Since you guys are talking shit here, I'd like some advice on this cleansing deal. I went and got Trader Joe's Complete Body Cleanse awhile back. Haven't done it yet, probably out of fear that after 47 years of good times, it'll be like cleaning your favorite bong. Or, worse, like de-greasing your auto engine and then shit starts falling apart without all the crap that held it together. Has anybody tried the Trader Joe's? Would you recommened another? I'd ask what to expect from the cleansing, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the answers I'll get! Oh, shit, why not?

leo01g
10-18-2008, 01:58 PM
dear BD,
its no walk in the part trust me especially if you do drugs (cigarettes and alcohol too). The first day i felt like complete shit but you feel completely fresh after like the third or fourth day. I heard really great things about the Master Cleanse one so that's the one I tried.
Good luck,
leo

fatbastard
10-18-2008, 03:51 PM
yeah im at day five
thanks fatbastard!
Someone told me about a book that he wrote about this diet, is this it?

Yes. It's not actually a diet. It's a cleanse. The concoction your drinking is cleaning out your pipes. Your about 2 days away from shitting black looking stringy stuff which is basically all of the years of junk from your lining. Do it long enough and you'll clean them down to the condition they were in when you were born.

BROKENDOLL
10-18-2008, 04:49 PM
dear BD,
its no walk in the part trust me especially if you do drugs (cigarettes and alcohol too). The first day i felt like complete shit but you feel completely fresh after like the third or fourth day. I heard really great things about the Master Cleanse one so that's the one I tried.
Good luck,
leoI just peeked at your profile, Leo... If it's no walk in the park at 19, I really am concerned about what I'll be walking in at my age! Yikes!


Have you started?

http://healthandlight.com/TheMasterCleanse.pdf I checked this out and am under the impression that you don't eat during this cleanse? Ally's post insinuated that as well. I just don't know about all that acid from the lemonade sitting well with me.


Yes. It's not actually a diet. It's a cleanse. The concoction your drinking is cleaning out your pipes. Your about 2 days away from shitting black looking stringy stuff which is basically all of the years of junk from your lining. Do it long enough and you'll clean them down to the condition they were in when you were born. Yep, I knew it! Sounds alot like that bong I used to have years ago. It was spotless when it was new and by the time I decided to deep clean it, I had black shitty stuff everywhere!

leo01g
10-18-2008, 04:56 PM
dear BD
Its even harder when you have roomates that eat like pigs! I dont know how old you are but i know even old people have tried and succeeded. Just try it and if you feel bad then do what Ally said and just eat fruits and vegetables until you are ready.

Leo

fatbastard
10-18-2008, 05:43 PM
Hey Brokendoll,
If created properly, it only has a slight acid taste.

BROKENDOLL
10-18-2008, 07:41 PM
It's not so much the taste as it is the eating away your guts feeling. Oh, and I don't need to lose any weight. My pipes though? Frightening.This body cleanse I got at TJ's is more of an herbal cleanse, I guess. Digestive formula, liver formula, and fiber formula. 2 weeks with AM/PM pill schedule that changes up in the 2nd week. I have 2 more weeks before work starts and I'm thinking after my summer of illgotten behavior, it would be beneficial to clean the mess up. I just don't want to feel like shit while I'm at work. Nor do I want long black stringy things following me around! :O

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 11:55 AM
Dear Leslie Feist,

I used to work in a shop that sold iPods, and learned to hate your fucking guts, because our iPod demo unit played a 20 second sample of 1234 on a loop, all day long, and it was torture. I'd vaguely liked you before that, because I like My Moon My Man a whole bunch, but after that, and the 344,423 ads that used Mushaboom, I got really sick of you. I knew people who were freaking sold on you, but I didn't quite get it.

Anyway, just a quick note to say that around 4 o'clock today, I finally realised how brilliant Intuition is, so all is forgiven. Sorry for being a bitch about you.

For Christ's sake stop selling Mushaboom though.

Regards,
Léslie.

EDIT: Oh, and this version in particular is quite something.

7AmcJABx0xY

anti-square
10-20-2008, 12:00 PM
Dear class presentation,
Write and complete yourself.
Yours procrastinating,
fuck me

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 12:02 PM
Dear anti-square,

Word,

Regards,
Prócrástinée

higgybaby23
10-20-2008, 02:14 PM
Dear Random Party Goer,

Your request to "play some AC/DC" at approximately 2:15am, during my DJ set was, while sincere, completely off base. In fact, it was plainly idiotic. Surprisingly, this request is one I've received before. Perhaps I should start working AC/DC into my set, maybe they will fit nicely in between James Brown and Parliment/Funkadelic. After all, nothing gets the dancefloor moving like "Highway to Hell".

Grudgingly yours,
DJ Higgins

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 02:16 PM
Dear DJ Higgins,

I apologies and will no longer request said tune at your sets ever again.

Kindest Regards
TCMarcoHY

marooko
10-20-2008, 02:17 PM
you havent shaken your ass if you havent shaken it to "highway to hell". everybody knows that.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 02:18 PM
Dear Rectal Itch

Word man...word.

The most kindest of kind regards
MarcoTCHY

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 02:19 PM
Pff. It's no Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 02:21 PM
Dera Missing Persons

Everyone knows Bon Jovi is totally gay. Like really.


the kindest regards you can have in a day like today full of regards
T
C
H
Why?

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 02:30 PM
Dear TCHY,

You obviously have some sort of fault in your brain or liver that prevents you from appreciating the true majesty of that song. The secret... lies in the beer.

Regards,
Bier d'Or.

Fun fact - A friend of mine got evicted over a noise complaint courtesy of that song.

marooko
10-20-2008, 02:32 PM
Dear TCHY,

You obviously have some sort of fault in your brain or liver that prevents you from appreciating the true majesty of that song. The secret... lies in the beer.

Regards,
Bier d'Or.

Fun fact - A friend of mine got evicted over a noise complaint courtesy of that song.

are you like, 90?

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 02:32 PM
Dearest of Dear Bier d'Or

It is quite possible that I barely drink and that is why I can barely stand that racket of a "song". Perhaps I should get fit shaced and maybe I would enjoy it more?
Nah...that sounds like far too much works

regarding the regards that is
T for Turtle
C for Cat
H for Henry
Y your Yowza!
Marco

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 02:37 PM
The beer is the main part, but it's also very important to punch the air with alternating arms. I don't know why, but it feels critical at the time.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 02:39 PM
Dear Biggest Arcade Fire fan since Delta

Alas no dice..1st beer? Now I need to "punch" in the air? Surely you jest.

Sincerly regarding the regards
TeamAmericaFuckYeah

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 02:48 PM
Dear Tee Coe Hey Yah

Yes, you need to punch the air for the "Whoa-OH!" bit. I cannot stress that enough, it's vitally important. Luckily, the urge to do so is instinctive and overpowering.

Also, to hell with Delta, I could out-nerd him any day. He gave weirdos like me a bad name.

Regards,
Empée.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 02:51 PM
Dear Apparent French Speaking Canadian

I still have yet to figure out if you are indeed a male or female? Canadian I am 94% sure.
but Quebecois? Please clarify.

Merci
Mahr Ko

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 02:59 PM
Dear TCHY, and Quicksand too,

I am female and Irish, but for reasons that aren't quite funny enough to elaborate on, was kind of pretending to be French for a bit.

My French is actually horrible, adding an element of cruel parody to my renditions of Arcade Fire's french lyrics. I am fairly sure I accidentally threatened to rape a tourist when trying to sing along to Année Sans Lumiere at work a while back.

Since I was working in a toy shop at the time, this was especially unfortunate.

Baise toi!
Nonfrancais.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 03:01 PM
Dear Liar...

Irish? WTF?! Are you at least Canadian?


Completely Blind sided
Marrrrrco.

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 03:08 PM
Dear TCHY, eh,

Nope. I am absolutely in no way Canadian. I just like their awesome mountie hats, and music. Also, the way they can't stop apologising for shit that's not their fault, it's awesome.

Have you ever seen Canada's Next Top Model? Not one of them can bring themselves to say anything mean. It's just lots of really well-balanced models being really polite to each other for a while, and then just shrugging it off when they get kicked out. It's hilarious.

Bises!
Le Liar.

allyjoy
10-20-2008, 03:08 PM
Dear Out of Country Lien Claimants:

If you can't speak the language I speak or if I can't understand you because you put accents on words where there shouldn't be one, you don't deserve money from my company. Furthermore, if you are a medical facility in the U.S. you should be giving the jobs to people in the U.S., you cheap fuckers which is another reason you do not deserve settlement. In addition, if an offer is made a year ago and you decline it a year ago, I am not required to still offer it to you later. I really hate your need to argue hypothetical personality judgments about the previous person who handled your lien when I can barely understand what you're saying. It is nice that you learned a new word in English over the weekend and you want to use it, but I am not a tutor for your English class. I am part of a not-for-profit business that needs to get shit done and just because your doctor did medical procedures without authorization or justification does not mean we have to pay you. My lien rep & attorney will see you in court.

Stop wasting my time,
Ally

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 03:11 PM
Dear TCHY, eh,

Nope. I am absolutely in no way Canadian. I just like their awesome mountie hats, and music. Also, the way they can't stop apologising for shit that's not their fault, it's awesome.

Have you ever seen Canada's Next Top Model? Not one of them can bring themselves to say anything mean. It's just lots of really well-balanced models being really polite to each other for a while, and then just shrugging it off when they get kicked out. It's hilarious.

Bises!
Le Liar.

Dear Strange Irish Girl

um....Canada's top model? Really? Serious? Are you at least from Ireland?


Still befuddled
Maruko

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 03:21 PM
Dear TCHBegorrah,

I really, really am from Ireland. I'm really, really Irish. I mean, my great-grandmother was Polish, but other than that, no, still Irish.

I started watching CNTP out of curiosity because Tricia Helfer from Battlestar Galactica was in it, and I'm a desperate nerd. I kept watching because I found it hilarious that the American models all wanted to be models - and only models - their whole lives, while the Canadians were always lady-lumberjacks or moose-butchers or something too, and just decided to try modelling out to pass the winter.

Regardements,
Massif Central.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 03:25 PM
Dear no so much of a liar anymore.

At least your European....What part of Ireland?

kindest of something other then regards
maaaaruco

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 03:33 PM
Dear maaaaruco,

I'm from the weird yokel farmlands in the midlands, but currently live in Dublin. Greetings from Dublin!

If everything goes to plan, I want to visit Canada and the US next year. The US isn't as friendly to Johnny Foreigners as it used to be though, so maybe just Canada. I can try out my horrible French, see how long it takes to get deported!

Best wishes,
Irlandaise.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 03:35 PM
Irish Person

In spanish you are known as Irlandes.

Muy Bien
Marc? OH!

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 03:39 PM
Dear Marquo,

I'll bear that in mind. Maybe I'll try being Spanish for a bit? Do Spanish people get to wear sombreros, or is that just Mexico?

Viva Le Regards,
Sinceramente.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
10-20-2008, 03:43 PM
Mujer

No mas Mexico

Marco.

fatbastard
10-20-2008, 10:41 PM
It's not so much the taste as it is the eating away your guts feeling. Oh, and I don't need to lose any weight. My pipes though? Frightening.This body cleanse I got at TJ's is more of an herbal cleanse, I guess. Digestive formula, liver formula, and fiber formula. 2 weeks with AM/PM pill schedule that changes up in the 2nd week. I have 2 more weeks before work starts and I'm thinking after my summer of illgotten behavior, it would be beneficial to clean the mess up. I just don't want to feel like shit while I'm at work. Nor do I want long black stringy things following me around! :O

That long black stringy stuff is all of the build up in your intestines. The cleanse works like drano for humans.

BROKENDOLL
10-21-2008, 10:07 AM
Maybe I should have thought of this 20 years ago? My guts have got to be similar to sticky pot residue and hash, and I'm thinking the tequila was basically like bong water. And Christ, let's not even think about the chemicals! With that in mind, (Ewww.) what can I expect? Being bedridden for 2 weeks? Stranded in a restroom? Maybe a taxidermist, just in case?

fatbastard
10-21-2008, 12:28 PM
It's not that bad. It's actually recommended to be done at least 4 times a year. That's 40 days out of the year. As the seasons changes, the varieties of food change. Just like it's possible to clean a bong to make it look brand new, so can your inards!

BROKENDOLL
10-21-2008, 01:41 PM
Pretty funny how I'm actually hesitant and thinking this out compared to all those years of, "Hell yeah! Why not? Snort it? Sure! Cough,cough,cough, sure, I'll take another hit!"

fatbastard
10-21-2008, 02:17 PM
It's something that's good for your body versus something that you enjoyed at the possible exspense of your body.

amyzzz
10-21-2008, 02:34 PM
Does your doctor recommend it...?

shakermaker113
10-21-2008, 06:18 PM
dear job,

please go away. please?

(E)

miscorrections
10-21-2008, 07:04 PM
Dear Tissue Engineering Project,

Fuck off. No really, fuck off. I don't want to model cartilage.

Grumpy,

Corinna

fatbastard
10-21-2008, 07:05 PM
Stand clear everyone!

MissingPerson
10-21-2008, 07:07 PM
Dear Everybody,

I'm hungry, but the kitchen's cold and a whole room away. Make me a sammich?

Regards,
El Desaparecido.

samiksha
10-21-2008, 07:10 PM
speaking of sammiches

uhhhh dear sammich from earlier today,

why did you have mayonnaise on you when i clearly asked for no mayonnaise that made me really upset and unable to eat you

so hungry i had to get wendy's later and that sandwich didnt have mayonnaise on it,
samiksha

locachica73
10-29-2008, 08:23 AM
Dearest Sleeping Pills,

You rock my socks. Thank you for allowing me 12 hours of much needed sleep. Even though the dreams you give me are a bit strange, I just don't care because I wake up feeling so much better, other then the few aches and pains felt in joints that spent too much time in bed, but I blame that on being old. Although having had a few phone conversations that I don't remember while passed out probably will haunt me later, I can always just claim I was drugged so all is good.

Again Thank you!!!!

Sincerely,
Well Rested

chairmenmeow47
10-29-2008, 08:34 AM
dear missingperson,

as a woman, you know i'm already in the kitchen cooking up sandwiches for all the men in my life, but i'll whip up an extra one for you.

sincerely,

--bitches be cookin'

locachica73
10-29-2008, 08:36 AM
Dear Ivy:

I thought the bitches be cookin chicken pot pies... damn I need to make some sammiches now.

Sincerely,
Pie Maker

Somewhat Damaged
11-01-2008, 05:52 PM
What I posted in the Comments section of the Arizona Daily Star's website in response to a story on Barack Obama's aunt being an illegal immigrant:

Thanks, all you brain dead racist hicks, for making me feel a whole helluva lot better about not living in Tucson anymore. You're all stand-up citizens, no doubt. Keep preaching the hate! You and your ilk are the reason I left the Republican party -- instead of attempting to win on principles and the merits of your ideas, you simply resort to fear baiting, hate mongering, and vilification on dubious grounds. This is why I cringe when Arizona is termed a red state, because when I tell people from other parts of the country where I'm from, they wince as though I must share the same backwards mentality as the idiots on display in here. While I don't think Obama will be able to turn Arizona blue on Tuesday, I'm very confident he will win the presidency, and I can't wait to chuckle at all the sniveling that will undoubtedly ensue from the proud xenophobes who have overtaken the GOP.

Sorry it's not formatted properly for this thread.

- Rick

locachica73
11-07-2008, 10:02 AM
Dear Fellow Commuters on Arizona Freeways:

Just because they put up speeding cameras on every fuckin freeway in Phoenix doesnt mean you should speed in between the cameras and then slam on the brakes just before the cameras. Just set your fuckin cruise control and go, or get your ass over to the slow lane. Your going to cause a fuckin accident dumbasses.

Sincerely,
Road Rager

amyzzz
11-07-2008, 10:14 AM
Dear Loca,
I've been setting my cruise control at 70 in 65 mph areas on the 60 and 10, and then take it off cruise control in the 55 areas because people drive varying speeds there. I hate those motherfucking cameras though. HATE HATE HATE. I've noticed the traffic reports on the radio reporting more accidents around the cameras too.

fumingly,
Amy

locachica73
11-07-2008, 10:19 AM
Dear Amy,

Yes it is driving me more crazy then I already am. I had to drive down to the Maricopa County Transportation Dept offices to pick up a permit this morning which is down by tent city. That area always confuses the fuck out of me anyway because of where the old 10 and new 10 and 17 and 51 and 202 all merge together and not knowing how to get to the 19th Ave Durango exit, and then to have to speed up, slow down, speed up because of the idiots on the road with me, then all the way back up to Sun City afterwards. 2 hours in my car and dealing with that shit and then the 1 person working at the County office because apparently only 1 person works on a Friday... I have had a rough ass morning and am ready for a Happy Hour or 4.

Breath, inhale, exhale... ok its Friday... HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!

Sincerely,
A girl in need of a xanax.

amyzzz
11-07-2008, 10:32 AM
re: one person working at the County office, Yay budget cuts! We should expect more lines for state/county/city services in the future since they are laying off some many workers...... :(

locachica73
11-07-2008, 10:35 AM
Actually the one guy working informed me, in between his standup routine he was doing to entertain those in line, that one guy retired, another one moved out of state and the only other girl still working there only works every other friday, but that was all done to avoid lay offs. Kind of scary. I am glad the project I am on is scheduled to go for the next two years.

allyjoy
11-13-2008, 01:24 PM
Dear Self,

Stop volunteering to do shit you don't have to. It's silly and you stress yourself out.

sincerely,
Me

Blinken
11-13-2008, 01:29 PM
Dear Ally,

Next time ask yourself what would Blink do, and then smoke a bowl and forget all about it.

-Blink

allyjoy
11-13-2008, 01:37 PM
Dear Blink,

I would never accomplish anything.

-Ally

CalmerThanYou
11-13-2008, 01:39 PM
Dear Ally,

Back that ass up.

Holler,
Calmer

Blinken
11-14-2008, 11:17 AM
Dear Blink,

I would never accomplish anything.

-Ally

Dear Ally,

That is the risk you take when you live your life in the slow lane.

- Blink

BROKENDOLL
11-14-2008, 11:25 AM
Dear Blink,

I would never accomplish anything.

-Ally But you wouldn't be stressed either!

locachica73
11-14-2008, 02:29 PM
Dear Next Door Neighbors:

Why the fuck did you already put up your fucking Xmas lights? It isn't even Thanksgiving yet you fuckers. I do not need to be reminded that the holidays are just around the corner and yet again I will be alone. I do not need to look over at your flashing green and red lights on a daily basis and stress out about what to buy my teens for xmas or where that money will come from. You will be lucky if my rage doesn't kick in and I come over and stab your blow up snowman in the gut and punch you in the throat.

Sincerely,
Scrooge.

CalmerThanYou
11-14-2008, 02:39 PM
Dear Everyone,

Steer the fuck clear of Loca

Safely,
Calmer

locachica73
11-14-2008, 02:40 PM
Dear Pharmacist:

Hurry up with the refill, apparently I am scary.

Sincerely,
Medicated

CalmerThanYou
11-14-2008, 02:41 PM
Dear Loca,

Fax me some of whatever you take.

Calmer,
Calmer

locachica73
11-14-2008, 02:43 PM
Dear Calmer,

I don't think my fax machine likes your fax machine. I already tried this with the xanax. And if your already calmer and I need all the help I can get.

Sincerely,
That Crazy Chick

edit: Ok I must be tired, I left out part of that whole sentence... and now I don't remember where I was going with that.

amyzzz
11-14-2008, 02:44 PM
Loca,
I guess that means I shouldn't wear Christmas lights on Black Friday?

smooches,
Amy

CalmerThanYou
11-14-2008, 02:44 PM
fuck.

locachica73
11-14-2008, 02:46 PM
Loca,
I guess that means I shouldn't wear Christmas lights on Black Friday?

smooches,
Amy

LOL hopefully I will be calmer by then. Although please no red sweaters with reindeer or snowmen. That would be just wrong.

amyzzz
11-14-2008, 02:54 PM
Loca,
I'll wear one red shoe and one green shoe.

Amy

locachica73
11-14-2008, 03:02 PM
Dear Amy,

Cool, I will wear my scrooge outfit and paint myself green. :)

Maybe I can get the kids to spray paint me. I'm sure they have some extra laying around. :p

Bah Humbug,
Loca

Mr. Dylanja
11-14-2008, 03:05 PM
Ladies,

I would wear my red Rage Coachella shirt but everybody would growl at me.

GRRRR,
Lanja

locachica73
11-14-2008, 03:42 PM
Dear Mr. D...

Growling is bad?

Curious,
Loca

amyzzz
11-14-2008, 03:43 PM
I'll throw up the pitchfork

locachica73
11-14-2008, 03:44 PM
not sure what that means but it sounds painful

amyzzz
11-14-2008, 03:47 PM
Loca,
haha, see the <3 the internet thread. It's an ASU hand sign or some shit. I just found out today even though I graduated from there in 97.

back to letter form,
Amy

locachica73
11-14-2008, 03:50 PM
Dear Amy,

I will have to go check that out. Now I have to go get ready for another night of poker playing. I kinda want to just stay home and watch tv but it's friday and that would make me feel weird to be home on a friday.

Sincerely,
Social Butterfly

Mr. Dylanja
11-14-2008, 03:50 PM
Loca,

By growl I mean like an angry pitbull, so yes, I wouldn't enjoy that.

Serio,
Dylanj

locachica73
11-14-2008, 03:51 PM
Dear D,

Thanks for the clarification, I have never been told I resemble a pit bull but I will keep my growling in check.

Bueno Nachos.
Loca

Mr. Dylanja
11-14-2008, 03:52 PM
Loca,

Do me a favor and be sure to give your face that extra wiggle when its stuck between one of the racks at Peppars.

( . ) ( . )
Dylanja

locachica73
11-14-2008, 03:54 PM
D,

Actually tonight is Gameday, only one chick with fake boobs but she really needs to eat a sammich, too damn skinny. She also looks like she has been ridden hard and put away wet a few times.

LC

Mr. Dylanja
11-14-2008, 03:55 PM
LC,

LMAO.

D

Mr. Dylanja
11-14-2008, 04:02 PM
Zzz's

How did you "diss" Bmack?

Intrigued,
Dylanja

amyzzz
11-15-2008, 01:36 AM
Dylan,
He said "I don't get it," and I said "You wouldn't." I think he was making fun of something I said, but I don't remember what. Then Andrew said "Dissed by Amyzzz," and bmack stated his preference for that to be his title. Kind of boring story.

Amy

BROKENDOLL
11-15-2008, 12:41 PM
Hey, "I Need a Busboy!"
Yeah, you hiding there in the service station pretending to look busy while two of my tables need plates picked up! Or, how about you over there behind the planter foliage talking on your fucking cellphone about getting laid or whatever after work? Care to offer my guests more ice water? You know, "Agua, dipshit?" Have any of you new guys this season ever bussed tables before? Hell, have any of you ever picked up after yourself, for that matter?
Christ Allmighty! I return from my summer off to find an additional 3 busboys added to our staff this season... and our tip pool! While I'm working to create a fine dining experience and smooth flow of service to my guests, you guys are jacking off just getting your hours and waiting for your cut. I realize this diningroom expanse provides ample chances to get sidetracked and lost when you're supposed to be getting me the coffee for my guests while I'm taking my next table of 10's order. But, don't think I don't notice that 20 minutes later the first table is done with dessert and have nothing to wash the crumbs down with as I'm passing by with a large tray of pricey entrees that I need to serve to the other table! And don't think it doesn't piss me off that when and if I can steal a moment to run to the restroom for myself, I end up having to hold it because in order to continue the smooth flow of service, I'm being forced to do your God Damned job! Don't think I couldn't smell the cigarette you just had, dickhead!
Oh, and to the new white busboy the club hired... I recall them mentioning you had experience and hoped to be trained as a server one day...I think you better start hoping it's not me who ends up with that duty! Why? Well, because after asking you where the tablecloths were that you were asked to get earlier, and hearing your cocky smartassed response of, "For all the years you've worked here, you don't know where there at?" Trust me, you won't be able to go out and smoke anymore because you'll be far too busy licking the dirty plates clean before taking them back to the dishwasher! (The dishwasher digs me, so he'd love his job made easier if I can at all be of help!) One more thing, you little useless punk...Your smartassed question back to me with that wannabe-gang affiliated stance you have of, "So,who are You???" Let me tell you this...I've barely made it to work on time over the 6 years I've worked at the club, and there's atleast one poor soul that has a personality conflict with me each new season. But, guess what? Members entrust me with their million dollar homes during the summer, a Maitre de' has been fired after 20+ years due to talking shit to me in front of a member one too many times, and a busboy got escorted out for refusing to do his job on my shift and table section...I'm still here after recieving yet another letter asking for my return for the new season. I'm really a nobody, but I come and do the job I'm expected of. You might want to try that before dreaming you'll ever grow past pouring water in a glass! One last thing guys...Okay, I speak poquito bueno Espanol, but it doesn't mean I feel like constantly saying, "Donde esta Jose'" every fucking 10 minutes! Or, when I ask you for sugar at a table, please don't get that retarded look on your face and ask, "Como? No Engliss. Lo siento..." as you walk away. (And don't think I don't know what Pinchi Pendaja means when you mumble it behind my back either!) Now that I got that off my chest and out of my system, it's time to get ready for tonite's Opening Ball of 2008/2009 at The Springs Club! Thank You, From She who Dresses Like a Penguin and Will be Watching you Like A Hawk (While still maintaining that "Pinky Up" style of service with a smile...)

Mr. Dylanja
11-18-2008, 05:11 PM
Dear Music Lounge,

We've been through a rough stretch lately, I'm afraid the NIN thread is the only thing keeping us together. I want to love you, I really do, it's just, I need more, I want more. Surely there has to be something you can do to rekindle the flame, whether a surprise tour or a Tool thread, please make it happen. Enough of me and you, I want US back, always!

Exclusively Miscellaneous,
Dylanja

MissingPerson
11-18-2008, 05:21 PM
Dear British National Party,

You fail at keeping your moronic memberlist secret!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH!

Why are their foreign-based (including Irish...) members of a British national bigotry club?

Regards,
Amusée.