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mikeoley
11-15-2010, 08:03 AM
So I'm in a major bind for Coachella this year. Been friends with a guy since 2nd grade, well over 20 years. We're basically brothers. He's getting married in March in Australia just with himself and his fiancÚ (nobody is invited to this). They are having a reception for family and friends on the Saturday of Coachella back in Michigan. We spoke yesterday and he said he understands if I can't make it. I'm still torn up about this...what would you guys do if you were in my shows. (by the way, I went to coachella last year for the first time and it was life changing. I'd by a lifetime pass if they were available).

invisiblerobots
11-15-2010, 08:06 AM
Nobody cares about being in your shows.

PlayaDelWes
11-15-2010, 08:09 AM
If I were all up in your shows, I'd go to Indio. It sounds like that's what you want to do, but you are looking for someone to talk you into going to Michigan.

rskapcat
11-15-2010, 08:11 AM
Let's be honest...you'll look like a dick if you skip that reception, even if your friend says he understands. I would suggest skipping Coachella for 2011 and maybe trying a different festival. So you still get the festival experience AND a clear conscience.

koryp
11-15-2010, 08:16 AM
I hold my friends accountable for their absence at Coachella. It is not about me being absent for some frivolous event like a wedding or birthday. It is about them having the audacity to schedule something like that instead of going to Coachella. They all know this is a non-negotiable weekend. Don't schedule something to conflict if you would like me there. He has given you a pass on the reception. Take it at face value.

Harrisment
11-15-2010, 08:29 AM
I would suggest finding a new friend, preferably one that isn't the kind of asshole that would schedule something on Coachella weekend.

guedita
11-15-2010, 08:39 AM
Your desire to skip out on the reception would be more understandable if you had a longer history of attending Coachella. Since you've only been once, and he's your best friend of 20 years, you should definitely go to the reception and try out a different festival. Especially if Coachella '10 was your first festival experience ever: there's a lot to explore.

humanoid
11-15-2010, 09:44 AM
or you can just go to the reception for his next wedding





but, I agree with Guedita above me...it's not like you've been going to Coachella since '99, so go to a different festival, perform your best friend duties, and come back to Coachella in 2012

koryp
11-15-2010, 09:49 AM
This^^^
In fact I'd suggest you actually tell them this is your excuse.

BayAreaIsBetter
11-15-2010, 10:32 AM
Good God man, goto the reception.

BROKENDOLL
11-15-2010, 10:57 AM
So I'm in a major bind for Coachella this year. Been friends with a guy since 2nd grade, well over 20 years. We're basically brothers. He's getting married in March in Australia just with himself and his fiancÚ (nobody is invited to this). They are having a reception for family and friends on the Saturday of Coachella back in Michigan. We spoke yesterday and he said he understands if I can't make it. I'm still torn up about this...what would you guys do if you were in my shows. (by the way, I went to coachella last year for the first time and it was life changing. I'd by a lifetime pass if they were available).

Just my :2c worth done by my point system...
1. You've known each other since 2nd grade/20 years. (+1 for him)
2. You're basically brothers, but nobody is invited to the wedding. (+1 for you.)
3. If the wedding is in March, and the reception is in April, then the reception could also be classified as just another party/ family BBQ. Compare that to Coachella... (+1 for you.)
4.If you're close to the family and know a lot of the friends from over the years VS a festival you've only been to once? (+1 for him.)
5. If you vaguely remember family, and only know a hand full of friends? (+1 for you.)
6. You're torn up. (+1 for him.)
7. He understands if you're torn up and can't make it. (Tie. +1 each.)
*WEDDING: 4 points. *COACHELLA: 4 points. Well, that sure as fuck didn't help, did it? And I can't put myself in your shoes because I will be at Coachella. I made sure of that in advance on my facebook...
http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w18/1BROKENDOLL/MY%20CREATIVE%20MIND/noticeofapril.jpg

Astrid
11-15-2010, 11:40 AM
oh man, this is really shitty. tell your buddy to bump up the date by one weekend, and then take him and his wife with you.

on a more realistic note, its a bummer because you know you have to be at your friends reception, its a once in a lifetime event that holds the gravity of a lifelong friendship, if you dont go you will hate yourself for it later. coachella will be waiting for you next year, but friends that you can count on to be there for you are rare.

koryp
11-15-2010, 11:55 AM
oh man, this is really shitty. tell your buddy to bump up the date by one weekend, and then take him and his wife with you.

its a bummer because you know you have to be at Coachella 2011, its a once in a lifetime event that holds the gravity of a lifelong memory, if you dont go you will hate yourself for it later. coachella will be waiting for you next year also, and friends that you can count on to be there for you are rare.

I like it better this way;)

juloxx
11-15-2010, 12:00 PM
unless there is going to be a line of brides maids waiting to fuck your shoes off in Michigan id say go to Coachella

What BD posted a couple of posts up sums up anything I could say

menikmati
11-15-2010, 01:43 PM
wait until you see the lineup...

Chromezeppelin
11-15-2010, 01:47 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^

i was thinking the exact same thing

ladyblue
11-15-2010, 03:47 PM
Yeah, wait to see the lineup and then decide. But then again, you should probably go to the reception if he's your good friend.

mikeoley
11-16-2010, 06:03 AM
All good answers and opinions. Thought about it for the past few days. Definitely going to wait for the lineup...if the headliners end up being something like Daft Punk, Arcade Fire and Beasties then I'm going to the festival.

Receptions are crazy anyways. He'll be bouncing around from table to table thanking everyone who came. Not to mention he's going to be so busy that weekend preparing for the event, that I'll barely even see him. Seems silly to spend over $300 on a flight for that. And I put myself in his shoes and honestly I would totally understand BECAUSE we've been friends for so long.

My compromise...pick a date shortly thereafter to fly in and hang out for the entire weekend. It also makes me feel a little better that his fiances best friend can't fly back from San Francisco either...maybe she's going to Coachella as well :)

tigermilkboy
11-16-2010, 07:27 AM
They didn't invite you to the wedding in Australia, that tells you exactly where you fit in this, you can come for the cheap h'orderves but you ain't coming to the main event.

Just face facts, the distance between you and your buddy and the impending marriage means you are no longer close. You have grown apart and once they are married, you will be an afterthought. Sure your buddy will say you will always be close, but it is the beginning of that drift. When the patter of tiny feet arrives, then you won't even figure. Sad, but true!

Just tell him you will come for the wedding in Australia. A real close friend would have no problem with that!

Bud Luster
11-16-2010, 10:22 AM
In the to be married couples defense; they didn't invite anyone to the wedding.

Astrid
11-16-2010, 12:03 PM
Just face facts, the distance between you and your buddy and the impending marriage means you are no longer close. You have grown apart and once they are married, you will be an afterthought. Sure your buddy will say you will always be close, but it is the beginning of that drift. When the patter of tiny feet arrives, then you won't even figure. Sad, but true!


woah dude. the op asked for advice, not for you to force your dick up his ass.

vinylmartyr
11-16-2010, 01:40 PM
Skip the reception. You're not likely to be friends in 10 years anyways.

JClemy
11-16-2010, 01:54 PM
All good answers and opinions. Thought about it for the past few days. Definitely going to wait for the lineup...if the headliners end up being something like Daft Punk, Arcade Fire and Beasties then I'm going to the festival.

Receptions are crazy anyways. He'll be bouncing around from table to table thanking everyone who came. Not to mention he's going to be so busy that weekend preparing for the event, that I'll barely even see him. Seems silly to spend over $300 on a flight for that. And I put myself in his shoes and honestly I would totally understand BECAUSE we've been friends for so long.

My compromise...pick a date shortly thereafter to fly in and hang out for the entire weekend. It also makes me feel a little better that his fiances best friend can't fly back from San Francisco either...maybe she's going to Coachella as well :)

He will likely notice if you don't go and skip it for a festival. It's a one time wedding and Coachella will go on (forever I hope). Go to another festival and be a good friend.

He should have known better than to schedule it during Coachella. I planned my wedding around Coachella.

humanoid
11-16-2010, 02:08 PM
the thing is, you wouldn't be skipping the actual wedding

you would be skipping the reception, which he planned on a random date ....that's not the special part of the equation...yeah, it's great to get together will all your friends to celebrate and all....

but if you're that close of friends, he'll understand, and like you suggested, maybe you can fly out, hang out, and have more of a memorable time than you would have at the reception as just one face in the crowd

jgafs
11-16-2010, 04:48 PM
I think you answered your own question.

Friend/Brother for 20 years.
Coachella for 1 year.

Do the math, not drugs.

fatbastard
11-16-2010, 05:11 PM
All good answers and opinions. Thought about it for the past few days. Definitely going to wait for the lineup...if the headliners end up being something like Daft Punk, Arcade Fire and Beasties then I'm going to the festival.

Receptions are crazy anyways. He'll be bouncing around from table to table thanking everyone who came. Not to mention he's going to be so busy that weekend preparing for the event, that I'll barely even see him. Seems silly to spend over $300 on a flight for that. And I put myself in his shoes and honestly I would totally understand BECAUSE we've been friends for so long.

My compromise...pick a date shortly thereafter to fly in and hang out for the entire weekend. It also makes me feel a little better that his fiances best friend can't fly back from San Francisco either...maybe she's going to Coachella as well :)

I'm embarrassed at the advice you've been given at this point.

He's been a long time friend; you know the idiosyncrasies of his relationship and he knows your experiences at Coachella and the message board.

Being there on that special day and attending Coachella would be ideal, but the fact is that your not part of the wedding party and you haven't been given any duties.

That's proboly because they already know that your still up in the air about making the decision.

It is very rare that people actual return an equivilent sacrifice.

That weekend is for me. People at work change their vacation days because they know I'm here whenever they need me for the other 362 days of the year. Those 3 days are mine. Is it fair that I'm a slave for 362 days out of the year and only get 3 days to myself in the desert? YES!

I hope you make the right decision.

mikeoley
11-16-2010, 09:15 PM
Not that it really matters at this point, but if the actual wedding was happening in michigan I'd be going back no questions asked. I offered to be there in Australia and he politely said they'd rather be alone (no parents, nothing). His mom is so upset about this :/

I spoke to both him and his fiancÚ and they completely understand the situation. So she's gonna fly him out here for his birthday (surprise, surprise) and I'm going to come back in the summer to hang for the weekend.

The only ones who won't understand is our parents, but they'll get over it soon enough.

A happy ending to a semi-stressful week indeed.

rasooli
11-16-2010, 10:38 PM
If either Daft Punk, Radiohead, "" (you fill in the blank) plays, go to Coachella. If not, go to the wedding reception.

Starraven
11-17-2010, 01:11 AM
Maybe you should post this problem on a different board. The posts you would get here seem kind of predictable. Also... screw your friend for not having a wedding you can go to.

thagorillaz
12-28-2010, 03:39 PM
go to the wedding man. come on.
-tim