PDA

View Full Version : Anxiety, Depression, Medication, Mental Health



Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 [6] 7

marooko
07-15-2010, 09:46 AM
I took one when I was 16. I'd rather take acid. But, I'm very happy it's working for you.

marooko
07-15-2010, 05:52 PM
Not today, not now. Please.

Somewhat Damaged
07-15-2010, 10:05 PM
This entire month, I've been getting up between 5:15-5:45, which wouldn't be so horrendous if I could go to bed/fall asleep before 11:30-12:00. I leave the house no later than 6:00 am, work between 10:00 to 13:00 hours, have worked the last two Saturdays and will probably work either this next one or at least the Sunday, and still only feel like I'm barely keeping afloat. I have too high expectations of the rest of the planet and think that my coworkers -- not really other people in my department because their actions haven't been negatively affecting me much lately, but rather people in other departments -- seem to be maliciously fucking stupid in doing things properly. Like, I tried to reverse one client's payroll on Tuesday since I had to void & reissue it and I didn't want them to be debited twice for direct deposit, so I sent a case to our banking department explicitly indicating which payroll needed to be reversed. They took my case and never sent it back to me, so I assumed it had been dealt with, especially since I looked at the parent case 3 times yesterday and didn't see any notes indicating that I had to do any additional work on it. Today I got a call from the client saying that their account was in fact debited twice, at $11k+ a pop, and now despite my having worked my ass off for the last two weeks to give them a smooth start, they're going to leave and go back to their previous payroll provider. Which really shouldn't bother me because it's not like it impacts my paycheck but it's just fucking aggravating that I'm going to get a negative quality survey score because the perception is that my follow-up on the matter was non-existent when that couldn't be further from the truth. Being blamed for someone else's incompetence has just always compelled me to want to slaughter the ****** who's making me look bad.

I really ought to find a different job.

BROKENDOLL
07-15-2010, 10:34 PM
This entire month, I've been getting up between 5:15-5:45, which wouldn't be so horrendous if I could go to bed/fall asleep before 11:30-12:00. I leave the house no later than 6:00 am, work between 10:00 to 13:00 hours, have worked the last two Saturdays and will probably work either this next one or at least the Sunday, and still only feel like I'm barely keeping afloat. I have too high expectations of the rest of the planet and think that my coworkers -- not really other people in my department because their actions haven't been negatively affecting me much lately, but rather people in other departments -- seem to be maliciously fucking stupid in doing things properly. Like, I tried to reverse one client's payroll on Tuesday since I had to void & reissue it and I didn't want them to be debited twice for direct deposit, so I sent a case to our banking department explicitly indicating which payroll needed to be reversed. They took my case and never sent it back to me, so I assumed it had been dealt with, especially since I looked at the parent case 3 times yesterday and didn't see any notes indicating that I had to do any additional work on it. Today I got a call from the client saying that their account was in fact debited twice, at $11k+ a pop, and now despite my having worked my ass off for the last two weeks to give them a smooth start, they're going to leave and go back to their previous payroll provider. Which really shouldn't bother me because it's not like it impacts my paycheck but it's just fucking aggravating that I'm going to get a negative quality survey score because the perception is that my follow-up on the matter was non-existent when that couldn't be further from the truth. Being blamed for someone else's incompetence has just always compelled me to want to slaughter the ****** who's making me look bad.

I really ought to find a different job.

Or, quit trying to find a scapegoat and man up to tell your employer how many overtime hours you've been putting in and then ask for either a raise or time off before he ends up having to hire someone less dedicated. I'm not trying to be an ass, I just know those amount of work hours without a break of some sort will end up biting you in the ass if you don't say something.

locachica73
07-16-2010, 07:05 AM
So I have been on Prozac for a few months now. They prescribed it to help with my vomiting episodes that they contributed to anxiety and PTSD. I haven't had any episodes in 2 months and feel relatively healthy. The problem now is that I don't really feel anything. This is the problem I have with antidepressants and such, because I should feel something right? I am just way too even keeled. Nothing gets me down... or up. Everything is just.... bleh.

chairmenmeow47
07-16-2010, 09:50 AM
rick, that is frustrating. i sometimes feel like i annoy people with the amount of follow-up i do and the amount of things i demand to discuss in email versus conversation simply so that there is a document trail. but it really does help to CYA. even when it's not your fault, the managers always seem to think there is more you should be doing. i hope you don't get into trouble or anything for that and are just expected to learn from it for next time. it really sucks when you try to be pro-active and no one listens.

Somewhat Damaged
07-16-2010, 09:58 AM
Thanks, Ivy. I've got a good reputation in my office for my follow-up, and my managers like me for how meticulous my notes are. There's the occasional lapse, especially when I've got 8 clients starting in a day, 3 days in a row, and the follow-up needs to be on one of the clients who started last week or last month or 6 months ago but they keep calling me instead of the number I keep giving them, but that's really few and far between.
Classic case just this morning: a sales rep sent in a client's bank account info 2 weeks after I asked for it so a credit could be issued to him. Only thing is, the bank account info shows that no credit is actually due to him. I replied to her saying as much & said that for goodwill, I'll waive his next two payroll fees, and her response was, "Great! Thanks for seeing about getting that credit to him." It's like, is there no reading comprehension any longer? Probably more a byproduct of people reading their e-mails on their phones & not paying any actual attention to what was written.

Somewhat Damaged
07-16-2010, 09:59 AM
Oh, and I sliced my arm up last night for the first time in at least a year and a half.

chairmenmeow47
07-16-2010, 11:58 AM
i used to do that with safety pins in high school, but that was more scratching. the one time i used a real knife, i had to go to the hospital and i never did it again. scared the ever loving shit out of me and seeing my dad cry was more painful than anything i'd felt before. i guess what i'm saying is, i understand, but be careful.

and yeah, i hate when people read emails on the phone and then respond with like one word or sentence.

marooko
07-16-2010, 12:03 PM
It's like, is there no reading comprehension any longer? .

I feel like there is a serious lack of reading comprehension in this world. To further complicate this issue, people are embarrassed to ask questions. So, now you haven't got a grasp of what's going on, you don't want to ask and you're going to proceed....to fuck something up.

captncrzy
07-16-2010, 12:12 PM
The reading level for the average American is the 5th grade level.

marooko
07-16-2010, 12:16 PM
That's fucking pathetic.

Courtney
07-16-2010, 12:22 PM
The reading level for the average American is the 5th grade level.

The most terrifying thing about this statistic is that it's the average. So I think about all the college-educated folks I know, and what that means about the rest of the country.

Bud Luster
07-16-2010, 12:39 PM
Everything I can find points to the average being closer to 8th grade.

marooko
07-16-2010, 12:44 PM
whew!

amyzzz
07-17-2010, 09:51 AM
So I have been on Prozac for a few months now. They prescribed it to help with my vomiting episodes that they contributed to anxiety and PTSD. I haven't had any episodes in 2 months and feel relatively healthy. The problem now is that I don't really feel anything. This is the problem I have with antidepressants and such, because I should feel something right? I am just way too even keeled. Nothing gets me down... or up. Everything is just.... bleh.
Exactly the reason why I don't want to be on meds. That's how I felt on Lithium/Prozac in my teen years.


Oh, and I sliced my arm up last night for the first time in at least a year and a half.
I tried this once last December with a dull knife, and it didn't relieve any mental anguish; it just hurt. I didn't do it again.

sbessiso
07-17-2010, 11:43 AM
i wish i could properly describe how im feeling, but i cant. lets just say its really bad :(

amyzzz
07-17-2010, 11:45 AM
Aww, I've been worried about you Salah. Take care of yourself.

Courtney
07-17-2010, 11:47 AM
Awww guys! What's up?

BROKENDOLL
07-17-2010, 11:49 AM
i used to do that with safety pins in high school, but that was more scratching. the one time i used a real knife, i had to go to the hospital and i never did it again. scared the ever loving shit out of me and seeing my dad cry was more painful than anything i'd felt before. i guess what i'm saying is, i understand, but be careful.



Exactly the reason why I don't want to be on meds. That's how I felt on Lithium/Prozac in my teen years.
I tried this once last December with a dull knife, and it didn't relieve any mental anguish; it just hurt. I didn't do it again.

I don't understand this cutting shit, period. Is it a self hate thing? A way of maybe being in control of something? Or, maybe someone has pissed you off and you can't bring yourself to tell them to go fuck themselves.

It just seems to me that if you have a lot of inner pain and pent up anger you need to release, it could be done without hurting yourself. Talking to someone, going for a walk, or even medication. But, to risk killing yourself? I don't understand. Enlighten me, please...

amyzzz
07-17-2010, 11:55 AM
I don't get it either. I only tried it because I felt so bad inside, I hoped it would distract me from my emotional pain. Like I said, it didn't work.

sbessiso
07-17-2010, 11:55 AM
Aww, I've been worried about you Salah. Take care of yourself.

im sure ill be ok. life just seems....so difficult and not worth the effort right now

BROKENDOLL
07-17-2010, 12:58 PM
im sure ill be ok. life just seems....so difficult and not worth the effort right now
Salah, I've been doing this life shit for quite awhile, and those days happen on occasion. I know that right after Coachella, I felt like that, and not working didn't help. Maybe it just seems dreary because you're going through the same thing after your trip to Glasto? "The comedown" is what I like to think of it as. Just a suggestion or thought.

locachica73
07-19-2010, 08:23 AM
So my sister finally pulled out my fathers death certificate, he died about 3 years ago but she never had a reason to look at it before. We had been under the impression that he had died of a heart attack on his way to Alaska, he had pulled over at a rest area, climbed in the back of the car and fallen asleep and just didn't wake up. He had heart problems and was suppose to go to Alaska to have a stint put in his heart. We have now learned that he did not die of natural causes but instead overdosed on his heart meds, purposefully from what they said on this death cert. The only emotion I seem to be able to come up with right now is anger. I have had some pretty shitty things happen in my life, stuff that most people have a hard time imagining, and yes I have briefly thought that it would just be easier to take the easy way out. But then I thought of my children and what that would do to them, to the rest of my family, them having to get that call and having to know what a coward I was. I just could never do that to the people I love.

I am pretty glad I am on anxiety/depression meds right now because I think I would probably be handling this a lot differently if I wasn't. I am kind of glad for the numbness I seem to have found myself in. I wonder if I decide to eventually stop my meds if all the crap will just wash over me and send me into a tailspin.

To anyone who visits this thread, if for whatever reason you think your life is not worth living, just know that it is. There is always a bright side, even in the darkest of situations. There is something better around the corner, but you will never know that if you cut your life short. And if nothing else, think of the scars you will create for your loved ones, scars they will have to deal with long after you are gone.

Trashcan_alligator
07-19-2010, 09:08 AM
So my sister finally pulled out my fathers death certificate, he died about 3 years ago but she never had a reason to look at it before. We had been under the impression that he had died of a heart attack on his way to Alaska, he had pulled over at a rest area, climbed in the back of the car and fallen asleep and just didn't wake up. He had heart problems and was suppose to go to Alaska to have a stint put in his heart. We have now learned that he did not die of natural causes but instead overdosed on his heart meds, purposefully from what they said on this death cert. The only emotion I seem to be able to come up with right now is anger. I have had some pretty shitty things happen in my life, stuff that most people have a hard time imagining, and yes I have briefly thought that it would just be easier to take the easy way out. But then I thought of my children and what that would do to them, to the rest of my family, them having to get that call and having to know what a coward I was. I just could never do that to the people I love.

I am pretty glad I am on anxiety/depression meds right now because I think I would probably be handling this a lot differently if I wasn't. I am kind of glad for the numbness I seem to have found myself in. I wonder if I decide to eventually stop my meds if all the crap will just wash over me and send me into a tailspin.

To anyone who visits this thread, if for whatever reason you think your life is not worth living, just know that it is. There is always a bright side, even in the darkest of situations. There is something better around the corner, but you will never know that if you cut your life short. And if nothing else, think of the scars you will create for your loved ones, scars they will have to deal with long after you are gone.

the only true inalienable right is the right to die on your own terms. i assume all his children were grown and no longer depended on him to survive. dont be angry at the man for seeking his peace.

locachica73
07-19-2010, 09:19 AM
the only true inalienable right is the right to die on your own terms. i assume all his children were grown and no longer depended on him to survive. dont be angry at the man for seeking his peace.

Being told not to feel something is like being told not to breath.

chairmenmeow47
07-19-2010, 09:33 AM
loca, i understand your anger. when my best-friend in high school's dad killed himself, there was a lot of anger that he just "gave up". but then again, the girls were in high school and were in the house when it happened. i don't really have anything to say except that's a shitty thing to find out. i hope he's at peace now. and i hope you can find some peace as well.

Trashcan_alligator
07-19-2010, 09:37 AM
Being told not to feel something is like being told not to breath.

people tend to think that. it's a rather selfish attitude to say that your father should have continued a life he no longer wanted to participate in just because his death would hurt you and your siblings. people die. be thankful that you got as much time with him as you did and that you didn't have to deal with a much more painful way of seeing him pass, because i promise you there are worse ways. anger is a natural response to grief. that doesn't mean it's correct.

Courtney
07-19-2010, 09:47 AM
It's a rather selfish thing to kill yourself, so there's that too.

downingthief
07-19-2010, 09:48 AM
It's a rather selfish thing to kill yourself, so there's that too.

This

Trashcan_alligator
07-19-2010, 09:49 AM
it's a very selfless thing to continue on with a miserable life just to spare your children the pain of losing you for however much longer you might live. that doesn't necessarily mean it's selfish to take control of your death. it's the only thing in life we actually truly have power over.

locachica73
07-19-2010, 09:53 AM
Honestly, I don't think he really wanted to die. He had made an attempt previously when he was fighting with my sister. She refused to talk to him and then he attempted to od, a friend got worried and called us and my sister had to take time off to head up there and check on him. She found him in time and it renewed their relationship, and he never had to apologize for what had caused the fight in the first place. Right before he left the last time for his trip to Alaska we all had another falling out. I honestly think he just misjudged the timing and wasn't found in time. Unfortunately we will never know.

I just think that it is a selfish way out, no matter if you have people dependent on you or not. I have seen people die a slow agonizing death, I watched my grandfather slowly wither away, but I have much more respect for someone who wants to fight to live, fight to make things better instead of giving up.

Maybe anger is just one of my steps of grief or whatever, eventually I will get over it. But just having heard the news, I am not over it yet.

I just think people need to spend a little more time being thankful for what they have in life. Even when things are at their worst you need to look towards the good, see the light at the end of the tunnel and keep going. I am very thankful that I didn't end things so many years ago when I had similar thoughts. I would have missed out on so much, good and bad that have made me the person I am today.

Courtney
07-19-2010, 09:59 AM
I feel bad for typing what I typed, now. Of course each situation is unique, but in general, people who commit suicide are probably often very, very sick people with real mental illness problems. It's not selfishness, so much as it's just desperateness. If you're in that much pain, it's probably impossible to think rationally.

Trashcan_alligator
07-19-2010, 10:00 AM
whether or not you have more respect for them is irrelevant. by your logic, everyone who ever opts for euthanasia is pussying out, and that's just not a fair characterization. it is the individual's decision as to whether or not their situation warrants opting out of life ahead of time. if you have people who depend on you it's different. by the way you describe it, at this point in his life the only person he had left to support was himself, and if that's the case then he should be given the respect and the right to peace out whenever HE decides he's had enough. you don't know what might have been going on with him. he might have found out he had terminal cancer and would be dead in two months. if he doesn't want to be bothered, why should he have to consider anyone else's feelings in the matter?

minogueCOMMAk
07-19-2010, 10:05 AM
I think that this is a very touchy subject and not everyone is going to agree, but I think I agree with the sharktopus in some respects. I think that suicide is never the answer first and foremost, so I think that it passes into the realm of selfishness when someone commits suicide that has children or other obligations in which people are depending on them. Now, I was watching a documentary... I forget which, but anyway... this mother and father after years of fighting with their son and forcing him into therapy and thwarting his attempts they finally let him end his own life. I think it was The Bridge if I am correct. Anyway, it made me sit back and contemplate how I felt about the issue and I feel like if someone is so set on it and feels that their life is in such an unmanageable and hopeless position that they can't stand living any longer... why force them to walk through life as a zombie?

Regardless of if it is a selfish act or an act of desperation or like sharktopus said the person just wanted to feel in control of one aspect of their life, it doesn't make it any easier or more pleasant to deal with. I think everyone surrounding the suicide will be left with a lot of unanswered questions and end up suffering a lot because it's hard to imagine that someone you loved so much was in such a dark place that they felt the need to do this. Whereas if they die in an accident or from natural causes we don't have to ponder about the choice they had.

Loca, I am sorry that you are going through this. I think the emotions that you are having are completely natural and expected. If you need to talk you have my number.

locachica73
07-19-2010, 10:07 AM
If someone is terminal then yes, I believe they have every right to end the suffering. My father needed a heart stint, he was not suffering or terminal, in fact it is a very common procedure. I will stand by my anger because that is all I have left at this point. At least when someone goes into a hospital knowing they are sick then they give their loved ones a chance to say goodbye. We did not get that option. We went from having a falling out to having to fly up to Seattle to claim his body and drive the car he died in across the country. I wish he would have at least thought of the effects his choice had on his children.

algunz
07-19-2010, 11:40 AM
I just think people need to spend a little more time being thankful for what they have in life. Even when things are at their worst you need to look towards the good, see the light at the end of the tunnel and keep going.

In those darkest moments it's not always that easy to see the light. Most know it's there, but some think they are almost doing the rest of us a favor. I've always found a bit of comfort knowing that maybe they regretted their choice, but by then it was too late to go backwards. The anger will never completely go away and in some ways I hope it never does. I'm sorry, Audra, that your ability to honor your dad has been altered by this new information.

Stefinitely Maybe
07-20-2010, 12:59 PM
Loca, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. The best book I have ever read about suicide was Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide (http://www.amazon.com/Night-Falls-Fast-Understanding-Suicide/dp/0375401458). I thoroughly recommend it.

locachica73
07-20-2010, 02:07 PM
Loca, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. The best book I have ever read about suicide was Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide (http://www.amazon.com/Night-Falls-Fast-Understanding-Suicide/dp/0375401458). I thoroughly recommend it.

Thank you, I will look into that.

Gribbz
07-22-2010, 09:47 AM
So, I went to my first Yoga class last night. My good friend that I've known since 6th grade was teaching. I'm pretty sore today, but it felt great. Thanks to all who recommended it!

I.F.A.
07-22-2010, 10:02 AM
I'm glad that you enjoyed the yoga! I hope it works out for you.

lunatic core
07-22-2010, 07:59 PM
http://i30.tinypic.com/fvya2o.jpg

samiksha
07-22-2010, 08:02 PM
there's a lot of interesting analysis of winnie the pooh out there

gaypalmsprings
08-01-2010, 09:21 AM
eAdLruOIKmA

sbessiso
10-10-2010, 12:12 AM
bump

locachica73
10-11-2010, 01:52 PM
Have any of you tried to wean yourself off prozac? I can't really afford to be on it right now and can't go to the doctor to have them help me off of it. I know you are not suppose to stop yourself cold turkey as it can cause you to have a melt down. So I have just been skipping doses here and there and going longer and longer between doses till I feel like I am ok to go cold turkey. I find myself to be having some crazy thoughts though, but as long as I know they are crazy then I am not really crazy, right?

amyzzz
10-11-2010, 02:07 PM
Can you call your former doctor's office for advice? Maybe they can help you with what to do.

Mr. Dylanja
10-11-2010, 02:08 PM
I'd call Ally, she always has the right answer.

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2010, 02:15 PM
Have any of you tried to wean yourself off prozac? I can't really afford to be on it right now and can't go to the doctor to have them help me off of it. I know you are not suppose to stop yourself cold turkey as it can cause you to have a melt down. So I have just been skipping doses here and there and going longer and longer between doses till I feel like I am ok to go cold turkey. I find myself to be having some crazy thoughts though, but as long as I know they are crazy then I am not really crazy, right?
Well, I'm certainly no expert seeing as I was just recently prescribed an anti-depressant. (Lexapro) But because I was so skeptical about "mood meds" before in this thread, I was sure to look up a lot of info before beginning my prescription. One of the biggest points they made was not stopping cold turkey because like you said...melt down. Sounds to me like you are weaning yourself already. What about cutting the dosage also? (I'm actually probably asking this for myself too, since, like I said, this shit is all new to me.) I know after taking the samples for two weeks, I wasn't so much feeling better, but I wasn't flippin' out over stupid shit. The only problem was, my insurance didn't cover the Lexapro, and there's no way I can be $110 per month depressed or anxious...fuck that. I let the Dr. know and they have changed my prescription to Celexa now, which is covered and only cost me $5 something. (That prevented an anxiety attack right there. LOL) I did notice during the 2 weeks getting this straight, that I was a little bit edgy and even had one of those, "I don't know why the fuck I'm crying," moments. Not an actual meltdown, but I questioned whether it was from starting a med and then going without.

What's funny about my skepticism is the fact that you can offer me an illegal drug and I'm all over it...Have Dr. prescribe something to make me feel better, and I have to do research...WTF???

In any case, you may see me around in this thread more often because this shit is alien to me, and I'll probably have many more questions and input. (Remember, I was the biggest skeptic on this subject, thinking I could overcome the mood swings and moments of craziness on my own...apparently not.)

locachica73
10-11-2010, 02:16 PM
I tried that Amy, they want me to come in for an appointment but I no longer have insurance so that isn't an option. I will just continue to do it my way and hope that I don't end up on top of a tall building with a high powered rifle. (just kidding, kinda)

D, very true, I should call her, if nothing else she is good at talking me down from crazy. :)

PotVsKtl
10-11-2010, 02:22 PM
You'd be better off taking smaller doses than skipping. Cut up your pills, less each week. That's all a doctor will tell you, but they'll charge you for the smaller doses.

locachica73
10-11-2010, 02:24 PM
BD, I will keep my fingers crossed that it helps. I have tried several, lexepro included, and I just find that eventually I just stop feeling anything, which isn't what I want. I go from being on edge and anxious to just not caring. I just wish I could find a happy medium. But recently I had myself convinced that I would be ok if I died tomorrow... Which isn't really something that I want to be telling myself. It scared me a little so that is when I decided that I should start to try to get off this stuff. Plus things are actually going pretty well in my life I figured what better time to get myself off the crazy pills. My father stayed on Prozac way too long and ended up having a meltdown and used the prozac along with sleeping pills to do himself in, I don't want to end up there.

locachica73
10-11-2010, 02:25 PM
You'd be better off taking smaller doses than skipping. Cut up your pills, less each week. That's all a doctor will tell you, but they'll charge you for the smaller doses.

If they are capsules can i just open the capsule and take some of the insides out?

PotVsKtl
10-11-2010, 02:27 PM
Yup, divide the powder and drop it in water or something.

amyzzz
10-11-2010, 02:28 PM
If they are capsules can i just open the capsule and take some of the insides out?
Why not?

leo01g
10-11-2010, 02:28 PM
I have about a week now without smoking weed and I feel f*ing down. I don't know if it's because my body is going through withdrawals or what but this whole week I've been in a daze. It's really hard to care about anything or even feel anything. I feel empty inside. I'm trying to stay away from any kind of drug/medication and I'm just killing myself in the gym and I'm running every morning. So far it's helping out a lot but I feel like my issues won't be resolved by just exercising.

Vent

PotVsKtl
10-11-2010, 02:32 PM
It's really hard to care about anything or even feel anything. It feels as if I was just empty inside.

4qh_TKJTPsQ

Courtney
10-11-2010, 02:32 PM
I agree with Pot.

Audra, there are a couple things you can do here:

1) Look into options for subsidized prescriptions and prescription assistance programs. If you're taking Prozac not some generic, ask your pharmacist about cheaper generics and/or buying a pill that's a higher dose and cutting it (say you're on 20mg daily now, get a prescription for 40mg and cut the pulls in half). Find a local free or low cost clinic and ask them for help. Any doctor should be able to write you a new antidepressant script, not just a psychiatrist.

2) If you need to wean yourself off, you need to taper your dosage. So if you're on 20mg daily, cut your pills in quarters as best you can and take 15mg for 1-2 weeks, then 10mg for 1-2 weeks, then 5mg for 1-2 weeks.

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2010, 02:55 PM
I agree with Pot.

Audra, there are a couple things you can do here:

1) Look into options for subsidized prescriptions and prescription assistance programs. If you're taking Prozac not some generic, ask your pharmacist about cheaper generics and/or buying a pill that's a higher dose and cutting it (say you're on 20mg daily now, get a prescription for 40mg and cut the pulls in half). Find a local free or low cost clinic and ask them for help. Any doctor should be able to write you a new antidepressant script, not just a psychiatrist.

2) If you need to wean yourself off, you need to taper your dosage. So if you're on 20mg daily, cut your pills in quarters as best you can and take 15mg for 1-2 weeks, then 10mg for 1-2 weeks, then 5mg for 1-2 weeks.
See, this is where my skepticism comes into play. These little Celexa pills are just that...little. I think they're only 20mg. But that little pill has the ability to fuck with your system more so in my eyes than any illegal shit I've done. Sure, you trip on acid or you bounce off walls with speed, but it's not like shit gets worse if you quit or don't have anymore. After reading other people's input on one of the drug sites, I'm almost glad I can't afford the Lexapro. Seemed there were a lot more negative opinions VS good things when compared to the Celexa.
But, now I do have a question...Contradictions with other drugs, medicines, etc...Etc being alcohol. Yes, I drink. (Duh...) The Dr. knows I drink, but never really stressed the importance of abstaining while on this medication. According to what I've read so far, you shouldn't drink alcohol, yet, I've also read that once you start taking these anti-depressants, you ususally take them for a long time, if not forever. So, I'm under the impression that I'm supposed to quit drinking...ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS??? That just won't work for me, sorry... Next question...I have a skin rash that may need antibiotics. Once again,, I turned to the internet only to find that you shouldn't take antibiotics with these meds...WTF? Do they mean certain antibiotics, or all in general? Seriously, I'm still not 100% convinced about this shit and personally, I don't think that a little crazy is a bad thing...

PotVsKtl
10-11-2010, 03:07 PM
Be prepared to black out a lot.

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2010, 03:12 PM
Be prepared to black out a lot.
Seriously? I'm talking about drinking maybe 2-3 shots a day, spaced out over a few hours. I don't even black out on alcohol. I already dislike these cute little pink pills, I can say that much right now. (See? They probably aren't doing a thing for me with an attitude like that, huh?) fuck.

amyzzz
10-11-2010, 03:13 PM
You need to talk to your pharmacist more when you pick up your pills, Bev.

locachica73
10-11-2010, 03:15 PM
Your pharmacist is the best person to ask about drug interactions. I found out that the stomach pills I take shouldn't be taken with Prozac, even though the same doctor prescribed them both. But according to the pharmacist it can cause euphoria syndrome or something like that... basically it can make me feel like I am rolling balls. They asked me if I was feeling overly happy, and if I was I should discontinue the meds... yeah right. The doc never mentioned a word though. Because of my stomach disorder whenever I am prescribed anything new I ask my pharmacist if it is ok.

Also, I drank with the prozac, I did find that I forgot a lot from the evening before, even if I only had a couple drinks. So yeah, black outs come with it but sometimes forgetting what a drunk ass you are is a good thing.

chairmenmeow47
10-11-2010, 03:23 PM
i'm done talking about my personal life on here

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2010, 03:33 PM
Your pharmacist is the best person to ask about drug interactions. I found out that the stomach pills I take shouldn't be taken with Prozac, even though the same doctor prescribed them both. But according to the pharmacist it can cause euphoria syndrome or something like that... basically it can make me feel like I am rolling balls. They asked me if I was feeling overly happy, and if I was I should discontinue the meds... yeah right. The doc never mentioned a word though. Because of my stomach disorder whenever I am prescribed anything new I ask my pharmacist if it is ok.

Also, I drank with the prozac, I did find that I forgot a lot from the evening before, even if I only had a couple drinks. So yeah, black outs come with it but sometimes forgetting what a drunk ass you are is a good thing.
I think I've conditioned my body to the point of not really getting actually drunk anymore, not considering I can put a handle of tequila away during a week's time. And if I have happened to cop a good buzz, I generally ease up to avoid being the chick with the lampshade on. Hell, honestly, if I felt stressed or anxious about shit, a nice sized shot generally fixed that. These pills could screw things up, I'm afraid, while at the same time altering the crazy part of me I'm happy with.

Okay, now I feel like I'm talking out my ass or coming off as a straight up lunatic...Would someone just show me to my rubber room now, thank you...

weeklymix
10-11-2010, 03:35 PM
I quit smoking weed in high school for the most part. It took about a year for me to finally feel different when I smoked. I hardly smoke at all anymore mainly because it doesn't feel the same (as Ivy mentioned above). I got a job, worked out a lot and found random hobbies. Rob Schneider: You can do it, Leo.

Maybe some day I'll come in here and talk about how a psychiatrist almost destroyed me. I'll need to feel extra share-y.

chairmenmeow47
10-11-2010, 03:42 PM
also leo, spend the money you'd normally spend on pot on fun things for yourself. that might help you feel something again :)

PotVsKtl
10-11-2010, 03:43 PM
I think I've conditioned my body to the point of not really getting actually drunk anymore, not considering I can put a handle of tequila away during a week's time. And if I have happened to cop a good buzz, I generally ease up to avoid being the chick with the lampshade on. Hell, honestly, if I felt stressed or anxious about shit, a nice sized shot generally fixed that. These pills could screw things up, I'm afraid, while at the same time altering the crazy part of me I'm happy with.

Okay, now I feel like I'm talking out my ass or coming off as a straight up lunatic...Would someone just show me to my rubber room now, thank you...

Taking 3 or 4 shots over the course of hours is not drinking, it's sipping. You'll be (as) fine (as possible).

SoulDischarge
10-11-2010, 04:24 PM
Your diet matters as much as how often you exercise. The more like shit you eat, the more like shit you'll feel, body and mind. I've been substantially less depressed since moving here. I'm not sure how much of that is circumstantial, how much is because I work all the time and just don't have time to be depressed, or how much is because of my improved diet. Still, I always feel better on days I eat some kind of fruit and vegetable for breakfast as opposed to something slimy and nutritionally bankrupt.

leo01g
10-11-2010, 10:21 PM
i quit over the summer. i have the opposite problem; i feel too much. but i also feel like over time i have balanced out more. it wasn't a quick process. exercising always helps me with any problem. it's not a complete cure, but i always feel in a better head space after a good walk & hula-hooping session. and it makes it easier to sleep at night if i've worn my body out. i had trouble sleeping without pot. but i've reduced the amount of caffeine i drink per day which also helps. now i'm getting to sleep much easier.

keeping busy in general helps. not to the point of stressing yourself out, but it was really hard for me to get out of the habit of hanging out smoking around my house or my pot head friend's houses. so try to find reasons not to be hanging around the places you normally smoke or doing things you normally do while smoking. school has been quite the distraction. i've also been hanging around non-smokers more which helps.

and seeing a psychologist has definitely helped. the reason i became a habitual smoker was to help me get to sleep, subdue my nightmares & not deal with my emotions. exercise & less caffeine help with the sleep thing. the psych is helping with my nightmares and emotions, though i don't think i'm going to be perfect anytime soon. my nightmares are a lot more frequent now, but i think that's my body's way of telling me i need to face some shit and deal with it.

i'm not sure if any of that helps. it's been a long and slow transition for me. i don't think i'm fully "cured". i still will hit a joint if it's passed to me at a party. but even then, i find it doesn't do for me what it used to, which keeps me from smoking more. i hope you start feeling something soon. it takes a long time for pot to fully leave your system anyway since it's stored in fat cells. best of luck, and if you need someone to talk to who's going through the same thing, hollatchasaur :)

The excess exercising is helping with sleep. I'm exercising an average of 3 hours per day so by 10,11 I'm pretty exhausted. I'm starting to eat a lot healthier too, no more fast food. I haven't had fast food for the past two weeks. I know this might not be healthy but I've lost about 15 pounds these last two weeks. If things get worse I'm going to have to go to the psych although that's the last thing I want. Thanks a lot Ivy! It feels good to know that people understand and know what I'm going through.

sbessiso
10-11-2010, 10:27 PM
weed is one of the only things that make me happy right now. its been an incredibly rough 6 months with no signs of getting any better. I cry everyday, sometimes several times. Most days I barely leave my room and i know its not healthy but i cant help it. Its just this huge black hole of misery that im stuck in

BlackSwan
10-11-2010, 10:45 PM
Why exactly did you guys stop smoking? Was that covered already?

SoulDischarge
10-12-2010, 12:28 AM
weed is one of the only things that make me happy right now. its been an incredibly rough 6 months with no signs of getting any better. I cry everyday, sometimes several times. Most days I barely leave my room and i know its not healthy but i cant help it. Its just this huge black hole of misery that im stuck in

Is it mainly because of your mom? Or is that just one contributing factor amongst a litany of other things? Or are you just depressed for no real good reason?

weeklymix
10-12-2010, 01:20 AM
weed is one of the only things that make me happy right now. its been an incredibly rough 6 months with no signs of getting any better. I cry everyday, sometimes several times. Most days I barely leave my room and i know its not healthy but i cant help it. Its just this huge black hole of misery that im stuck in

I really hope you're talking about it with people face-to-face. Doesn't have to be a psychologist / psychiatrist at all but if you need to pick up the phone to call to talk about whatever, you have my number.

sbessiso
10-12-2010, 01:54 AM
Most of it is mom, but I wasnt a very happy person before all that happened so it just further spiraled me down. Its a lot of things.

And thanks Z, but I dont like talking about it. Its difficult for me to just post this stuff. I feel rather embarrassed now to be honest

SoulDischarge
10-12-2010, 02:19 AM
Talking it out with someone you trust is invaluably helpful. It's stupid to be embarrassed by it. The whole point of having friends is to have someone to soak up all your crazy bullshit (and to do the same for them), both the fun side and the miserable side.

frazzles
10-12-2010, 05:24 AM
I've avoided talking about my issues or even really acknowledging them for as long as I can remember. The way I saw it (see it), everyone has their own issues so what makes me so goddamned important? I've always been introverted until I'm comfortable around people and/or drunk as fuck, so that has hindered the friend making process throughout my whole life. That, and people grow up and move on, which has always been a sore thing for me since I spend more time thinking about others than I do myself.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna acknowledge my depression issue though and seek a therapist or something. It may seem like a crock pile of shit, but the possibility of not doing Coachella on some bullshit 2 months to prepare, 30 minute actual inspection is bringing up a myriad of bad emotions, thoughts, etc.

vinylmartyr
10-12-2010, 08:16 AM
I'm not even sure what to say.

weeklymix
10-12-2010, 09:24 AM
And thanks Z, but I dont like talking about it. Its difficult for me to just post this stuff. I feel rather embarrassed now to be honest

And I hope you know I'm in no way preaching because I used to do a lot of shit to escape my issues other than talking to someone, too. It's just when I finally did trust someone enough to talk to, I definitely became less dependent on my substance crutches.

locachica73
10-12-2010, 09:42 AM
And thanks Z, but I dont like talking about it. Its difficult for me to just post this stuff. I feel rather embarrassed now to be honest

I have a really hard time talking about the bad stuff myself, I put on this happy face for everyone around me but inside my head things were just dark. Sometimes you just have to spin it around in your head a little longer to understand it completely, before you can let it out to the people around you. Just know that it will get better, I went through a really rough few years recently, actually about 7, I lost a lot of people in my life, had a lot of stuff go on with my kids, finances, health, etc. I spent a lot of time just spinning all the bad stuff around in my head and even got to the point of trying to push away the people I cared about because I was worried that if I let the good stuff in then something worse would come along and destroy me.

Eventually you will get back to enjoying the few good things that come your way, you will notice them more and more and eventually notice you have more good than bad. Then someone will come along and remind you that you do have the right to be happy and you should enjoy the happy.

chairmenmeow47
10-12-2010, 10:04 AM
i'm done talking about my personal life on here

chairmenmeow47
10-12-2010, 10:14 AM
i'm done talking about my personal life on here

liquidsnake28
10-12-2010, 11:32 AM
Maybe some day I'll come in here and talk about how a psychiatrist almost destroyed me.

"you just do it to yourself, you do, and that's what really hurts." I'm sure it wasn't all the psychiatrists' fault.

I'm currently weening myself off of marijuana and alcohol. While I enjoy getting stoned more than drunk, it's still much harder to quit drinking because, in this city, it's everywhere all the time.

leo01g
10-12-2010, 01:15 PM
I'm the total opposite when it comes to talking about my feelings. I would rather talk about my problems here on a message board as opposed to my family/close friends. I just can't imagine what my parents would think of me if they knew I was depressed because of drugs or related to drugs. My whole family is Christian too so when I told my dad that I didn't have the same views as him he freaked out. I can't discuss these things with them because they wouldn't understand what I'm going through. I would rather discuss my problems with someone that doesn't know me or have any relation with me because I wouldn't care what that person thinks of me. I gave up weed because I was putting everything aside. I didn't want to do anything but smoke weed and forget about everything that was going on in my life.

chairmenmeow47
10-12-2010, 01:19 PM
i'm done talking about my personal life on here

J~$$$$
10-12-2010, 01:24 PM
*bag o chips*

F5 F5 F5

TomAz
10-12-2010, 01:35 PM
ahahahahahahahaha

hi Ralph.

locachica73
10-12-2010, 01:37 PM
I use this board as a place to talk about the crazy shit that goes on in my head as well. It is just easier that way. Sometimes I don't even post it, I just type it all out, read it, change it, then delete it. It helps just to type it and put it in some kind of order. In fact, I have typed this post 3 times, it started out much longer.

Another thing I found out, rolling is not for me. The last time around sent me on a horrible downward spiral that had me convinced that most people were out to get me and fuck with my head. Smoking during that month made me even more paranoid. I don't know if the shit was interacting with the prozac or what, but I don't want to try again to find out. I will stick to weed and booze.

TomAz
10-12-2010, 01:46 PM
oh. right. fixed.

chairmenmeow47
10-12-2010, 01:47 PM
therapy makes some people grow :)

psychic friend
10-12-2010, 01:47 PM
you guys really have to stop calling me out by name. this is already like the eighth name I've had to purloin.

bye bye. .

Gribbz
10-12-2010, 01:48 PM
bye bye. .

Haaaaaa.

downingthief
10-12-2010, 01:53 PM
And then, like that...he was gone.

Gribbz
10-12-2010, 02:00 PM
I'm sure he does have a million aliases. "Attention Whore" is clearly the most fitting.

TomAz
10-12-2010, 02:05 PM
banned and deleted. gosh

and in the mental health thread. lol.

downingthief
10-12-2010, 02:09 PM
Dani has a wicked sense of humor. :)

Mr.Nipples
10-12-2010, 02:27 PM
what did i miss?

weeklymix
10-12-2010, 02:59 PM
What did he expect? It's not like a BD or unknowndrummer alias would use 'purloin.'

BROKENDOLL
10-12-2010, 03:09 PM
bye bye. .

I'm sure he does have a million aliases. "Attention Whore" is clearly the most fitting.

what did i miss?
You missed NOTHING...Or, nothing worth missing anyway...LOL I had a strong feeling after only 2 posts in that the symptoms were gonna start if I responded in any way. And yesterday in this thread when I asked a serious question, I got an answer that confirmed it. This is the first time I've ignored a symptom and it went away before getting worse. Cool. Dani's like an antibiotic.

TomAz
10-12-2010, 03:22 PM
ban.

BROKENDOLL
10-12-2010, 03:35 PM
What did he expect? It's not like a BD or unknowndrummer alias would use 'purloin.'
That's because I don't have to, and I've been trying to behave myself so I never will.

ban.
What did I do now?

obzen
10-12-2010, 03:39 PM
lol, who was Attention Whore?

weeklymix
10-12-2010, 04:13 PM
http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/voldemort2.jpg

http://twitter.com/lordvoldemort

MissingPerson
10-12-2010, 05:20 PM
Indeed.

Anyway, speaking to a counsellor is one of the best things I've ever done. I'm not really the talk-it-out type, so I resisted the idea until I just couldn't ignore how much trouble I was in anymore. It's not a magic bullet or anything, but it took off enough of the pressure to stop me from losing my shit completely.

Embarrassment or whatever isn't really a factor after the first two minutes or so. The person you're speaking to is effectively anonymous so it doesn't really matter what you say to them. You get out of it what you put in though, so just cut to the chase and blurt out whatever you find hardest to talk about as soon as you're able, you'll save yourself an awful lot of time.

weeklymix
10-12-2010, 07:04 PM
I guess Dani added the link. She's right, though. He-who-must-be-named.

MissingPerson
10-12-2010, 07:08 PM
http://www.bookrags.com/essay-2006/6/4/112439/7990

Somewhat Damaged
10-12-2010, 09:14 PM
Another thing I found out, rolling is not for me. The last time around sent me on a horrible downward spiral that had me convinced that most people were out to get me and fuck with my head. Smoking during that month made me even more paranoid. I don't know if the shit was interacting with the prozac or what, but I don't want to try again to find out. I will stick to weed and booze.

I like rolling though I know it's not the greatest idea to do very often. Acid is the drug I need to stay away from. The last time I did it, I was at a party and it knocked me on my ass. I got paranoid that these friends of mine were deliberately trying to fuck with me and I saw this giant knife on the entertainment center. I asked one of the hosts to hide the knife upstairs 'cause I was wanting to use it on those friends.

The fact that I've made friends on this board and have hung out with people in real life actually causes me to be more private. On an old board I used to post on, I was as indiscreet as could be, writing at length about every vile thought that came to mind. I was also doing lots more drugs at the time -- namely ecstasy and coke -- and getting sloppy drunk really frequently, so then there'd be the inevitable musings on how worthless I was, how much I hated myself, and how worthy of death I figured I was. Now I don't really feel that way so much (and if I do, it's accompanied by desires to take a lot of other people with me) and I have zero inclination to bitch about it on the board lest it provide ammunition for certain shitheads to use against me.

The most aggravating thing about this is that there are times when I could really use a place where I can vent as unhinged as possible but I can't because the shit that goes through my mind is the kind of stuff that repels people and costs you friends, especially when they're subjected to hearing/reading about it for very long. One of the things that made me hesitant about getting married was my belief that nobody could stand to be around me for more than a couple of years since that's about how long I managed to keep friends earlier this decade. All of my relationships are just so transitory, even the ones with my family. They're only in the place where they are now because I live a few hours away and talk to my parents once a week. It's like prolonged exposure to Rick is detrimental to one's health.

BlackSwan
10-12-2010, 09:30 PM
it used to turn my mind off. i as mentioned, it helped me sleep, made me not remember nightmares and kept me from being emotional especially when my ex cheated on me and left me with a ton of bills to pay.


Oh, it was a way to deal with emotions. When I read those posts I initially thought it was being blamed for the problems. It makes sense now. What was concerning is that it sounded like both you (and leo) were just now finding new things to distract you from dealing with the actual causes of the problem.

koryp
10-12-2010, 09:42 PM
I'm actually very impressed with the level of sharing in this thread. I totally get having difficulty opening up to others about mental illness for fear they will misunderstand or use it to try fuck with me. I was very tempted to post in this thread earlier, especially concerning Sbessiso, Loca, and even BD's issues/questions. Deep stuff and it tore at my heartstrings a little. I've had lot's of victories in dealing with my slew of issues, especially the worst of them, but still have a few that are not fully in check every day. I can see from the posts that many of you have also found survival strategies, good and bad for your own bagage.
Perhaps we could start an Anxiety, Depression, Medication, Mental Health (AKA Bat Shit Crazy) Social Group for this to keep it limited to those who are looking for support or to give it. Just one of the 1000 thoughts I had while typing this.

sbessiso
10-12-2010, 09:47 PM
I just dont think I can see a counselor or something like that. I tend to bottle shit up which I know isnt healthy but what can I say

Nothing is going to bring my mom back and I dont ever see myself being "ok" with it. Who's going to be able to help me get over this? no one. my eyes start tearing up just writing this

BlackSwan
10-12-2010, 10:07 PM
It's simply outrageous that you don't enjoy talking about yourself. Come on, deep down, everyone does. Salah, I was actually going to write something last night like, "I'm not going to pretend to know you well enough to write something that will actually help you deal with whatever problems, but you should talk to someone who does", but I realized that it would make me feel committed to actually trying to help more...

You really should talk to someone though, and not people on the internet who have the same problems as you, or people who don't know you well enough to actually be helpful.

Sigh, my original post was much smoother than my memory of it. See? It's easy. You were actually just talking about yourself in this thread. Don't be afraid of it. If you think about it, you are probably talking about it here because you want to talk, but are scared of really dealing with it.

koryp
10-12-2010, 10:07 PM
I just dont think I can see a counselor or something like that. I tend to bottle shit up which I know isnt healthy but what can I say

Nothing is going to bring my mom back and I dont ever see myself being "ok" with it. Who's going to be able to help me get over this? no one. my eyes start tearing up just writing this

Man, I'm not gonna start by telling you I understand what you are going through, because I've learned that the truth is, no one else really does. What you are going through may be similar to others experiences, but only you are in this emotional place dealing with your anger, loss and despair. What I can say is I understand being in a place feeling there is no way out that I can reach. Like others here, I've had to walk through my share of trauma, loss, and daily struggles. From these posts I get that it feels seemingly hopeless to you right now. If this is all you can do to reach out to others and survive for right now, then that's good enough. Getting to the other side of this will take a while, and sometimes just treading water is enough for the day. Keep the dialogue going. Keep yourself occupied, post stupid shit, read irrelevent threads, whatever. Do what you have to to get through tonight and try something new tommorrow.
Hang in there.

gaypalmsprings
10-12-2010, 10:16 PM
Salah, there are so many free GLBT resources in San Francisco. Take advantage of them. I know the pity party can be fun, but letting others join in on it can be fun, too. Go to a walk-in center and there will be people who would love to hear your story. You are loved.

TomAz
10-13-2010, 07:58 AM
Nothing is going to bring my mom back and I dont ever see myself being "ok" with it. Who's going to be able to help me get over this? no one.

I know you don't like me but I'm gonna offer my 2 cents anyway. I also lost my father this year (unexpectedly) and my mother also dropped dead (unexpectedly) years ago.

You are correct, nothing is going to bring your mom back. And, right, you should not expect yourself to be "ok" with it ever. You will always miss her.

It's not so much that anyone can help you "get over this". It's that talking to a professional can help you see ways to cope better. Help you to learn techniques to deal with and digest what you're feeling. Ultimately, hopefully, help you to feel the loss without it overwhelming you like you describe.

Death of a parent stirs up all sorts of emotions that can be surprising in their power and hit you at the oddest times. Since both my parents dropped dead from heart attacks, I managed to convince myself a couple of weeks ago that I was also going to drop dead -- that day. When that didn't happen, I decided it would be the next day. I slept with the phone by my bed so that I could call 911 if I woke up having a heart attack. Finally after several days of this I decided there might be a chance that this was actually possibly something in my head and that I might not actually die today. Talking to someone helped me see how I was psyching myself out -- and gave me useful tips on what to do when/if I start doing it again.

J~$$$$
10-13-2010, 08:10 AM
Am I the only one that is issue free?

TomAz
10-13-2010, 08:12 AM
You and Randy.

locachica73
10-13-2010, 08:40 AM
I just dont think I can see a counselor or something like that. I tend to bottle shit up which I know isnt healthy but what can I say

Nothing is going to bring my mom back and I dont ever see myself being "ok" with it. Who's going to be able to help me get over this? no one. my eyes start tearing up just writing this

Keeping the crazy in your head is not just mentally draining but it can physically cause damage to your body. This last May I ended up in the hospital for a total of 12 days, I vomited uncontrollably every 15-20 minutes for the entire 12 days. I couldn't open my eyes or hear peoples voices without vomiting. I actually begged the nurses to kill me. So Salah, somehow you need to find a way to work through some of this pain.

liquidsnake28
10-13-2010, 08:59 AM
Hang in there Salah. I lost my best friend when I was 19 and I found that talking about it really was the best way to cope with it all.

locachica73
10-13-2010, 09:09 AM
Perhaps we could start an Anxiety, Depression, Medication, Mental Health (AKA Bat Shit Crazy) Social Group for this to keep it limited to those who are looking for support or to give it. Just one of the 1000 thoughts I had while typing this.

I would join, then I wouldn't feel so bad about laying my crazy out there for everyone to read, especially if I knew everyone else was just as fucked in the head as I am. :)

amyzzz
10-13-2010, 10:32 AM
It's like prolonged exposure to Rick is detrimental to one's health.
I've felt that way about anyone close (or close-ish) to me for the past year or so. Working on my issues though.

koryp
10-13-2010, 10:40 AM
I would join, then I wouldn't feel so bad about laying my crazy out there for everyone to read, especially if I knew everyone else was just as fucked in the head as I am. :)

I'll start one and send invites when I get home. Too tedious to do on a phone. If anyone wants mod privs, I'll try to set it up so more than one of us can control access.

Mr. Dylanja
10-13-2010, 10:43 AM
Am I the only one that is issue free?

Might as well make this the Emo Lounge. There's probably more emotion in the NFL thread than anywhere else.

J~$$$$
10-13-2010, 10:57 AM
You should probably talk to someone about your emotions.

Courtney
10-13-2010, 11:00 AM
Aw this thread makes me sad.

Salah: I agree with what everyone else has said, and I hope you seek out someone to speak with. GPS is right that there are lots of cheap/free counseling services for LGBT in the Bay Area. Not that your problems necessarily have anything to do with your sexual orientation -- but it's just a great community to tap into for support. You could contact the SF Center (http://www.sfcenter.org/index.php) to get a referral to a program near you.

guedita
10-13-2010, 12:12 PM
I met with a psych on campus today to (finally) discuss my anxiety issues. Salah - she gave me a flier of quite a few low-cost psych clinics/services throughout the city, if you feel ready or motivated to talk to someone, I'm happy to forward along their phone numbers/websites to you.

I'll agree with everyone that talking about it is a productive step to take.

koryp
10-13-2010, 01:35 PM
Anxiety, Depression, Medication, Mental Health Social Club (http://www.coachella.com/forum/group.php?groupid=47) is now open. Feel free to bring the discussion indoors if you need a safer place to vent or ask for help. Sign up and put email notifications on if you are willing to support others while helping yourself.

TomAz
10-13-2010, 01:36 PM
I'm nervous about joining.

koryp
10-13-2010, 01:42 PM
I'm nervous about joining.

ochlophobia?

TomAz
10-13-2010, 01:43 PM
misanthropy.

koryp
10-13-2010, 01:46 PM
misanthropy.
The proof for the DSM-V is out now ahead of it's release in 2013. I'm pretty sure we've got you covered in more than one Axis.;)

TomAz
10-13-2010, 01:47 PM
I was never a fan of Twilight.

bobert
10-13-2010, 02:30 PM
I would just like to let everyone in this thread know that you all have value.

leo01g
10-13-2010, 09:31 PM
Oh, it was a way to deal with emotions. When I read those posts I initially thought it was being blamed for the problems. It makes sense now. What was concerning is that it sounded like both you (and leo) were just now finding new things to distract you from dealing with the actual causes of the problem.

No I don't blame weed for my problems only myself. I felt comfort in weed because it helped me forget about my problems/issues. It made me feel numb.

leo01g
10-13-2010, 09:32 PM
I'm only at my 10th day without smoking and things are already starting to clear up. The exercise is helping a lot with my depression.

weeklymix
10-13-2010, 09:37 PM
Boom. Glad to hear you're feeling better!

Westy
11-28-2010, 12:05 AM
Fuck I. Been off the prozac for a few days. Getting the weird dizzy, heart bumps, electric shock, feelings. I want to get off this shit so I can enjoy Ecstasy again.

locachica73
11-28-2010, 09:43 AM
I went off mine recently and it took about 30 days to get back to normal. Good Luck.

Mr. Porter
11-28-2010, 10:01 AM
LOL I could use a rolling session. Not for depression or anxiety, but I haven't rolled in five months and I am wondering when I can return to the magic

Boourns
11-28-2010, 10:02 AM
Been on celexa for the past week. Nauseated, crapping my guts out, and pissing every hour. But mentally I feel fine. Except the passage of time has slowed down noticeably. I think I need to get off this stuff because I am not a strong supporter of meds that fuck you up if you go off them. Also, I can't drink or do a couple other things I enjoy on occasion, but I probably shouldn't do any of that anyway. Conflicted, I guess.

Also, I don't really trust my psychiatrist. I was in and out of his office in 5 minutes and he was not interested in any of the issues I was more concerned about.

locachica73
11-28-2010, 10:11 AM
I feel bad that I got off the prozac mostly because I wanted to be able to drink and do drugs without it causing me to wig out. Not that I will ever roll again, the last time was way too rough, but I like other things that the prozac just didn't work well with. Even drinking sucked because I could have just a few drinks and wake up in the morning with pieces of my night being blurry.

Gribbz
11-28-2010, 11:07 AM
Another person got hit by a train near my building. This is like... the 4th person in 2 months. This shit needs to stop.

SoulDischarge
11-28-2010, 04:02 PM
At last you didn't get your commute delayed because of it. Fucking jerks.

fatbastard
11-28-2010, 04:22 PM
I just dont think I can see a counselor or something like that. I tend to bottle shit up which I know isnt healthy but what can I say

Nothing is going to bring my mom back and I dont ever see myself being "ok" with it. Who's going to be able to help me get over this? no one. my eyes start tearing up just writing this

I'd give you a long hug right now if I could.

My method of addressing this issue, along with most issues, is by creating projects for myself. They provide an outlet for my emotions to applied to. For my mom's funeral, I created a slideshow of vignettes, photos, and music. The next one was scanning all of our family photo books, from when my mom and dad started going out with each other, to my high school photos, and put them in date order. It allowed me to see her at different stages of her life with me. There were tough times, but it was/is a cool thing to see once it was completed.

Never went to see anyone because of a loss of a parent. I don't think it would have helped me. The literature given by the hospital was kind of sucky.

My mind and body are just tingling right now after reading that many others are equally as fucked up.

There really is a reason why I feel so comfortable on this board.

BROKENDOLL
11-28-2010, 07:02 PM
Been on celexa for the past week. Nauseated, crapping my guts out, and pissing every hour. But mentally I feel fine. Except the passage of time has slowed down noticeably. I think I need to get off this stuff because I am not a strong supporter of meds that fuck you up if you go off them. Also, I can't drink or do a couple other things I enjoy on occasion, but I probably shouldn't do any of that anyway. Conflicted, I guess.

Also, I don't really trust my psychiatrist. I was in and out of his office in 5 minutes and he was not interested in any of the issues I was more concerned about.

You know, when I look back at the array of drugs I had done in my life all willy-nilly and without question or thought of consequences, I'm simply amazed at how much research I did before taking that first "happy pill." (I'm talking serious investigating... Will I have to give up drinking with my amigo, Jose'? Or, if someone lays out lines of coke right under my nose and hands me a straw, telling me to just breathe, will it be my last breath? And, the nauseousness...If I needed to puke first before I can get to a happy place, I may as well be on heroin...)

I mean, it's not like my doctor said, "Hmm, you seem a little fucked up, wanna talk?" No, I had to bring the subject up...(During a pap smear, no less!) I didn't want to sound like some dope fiend looking for an easy fix, and my intention I guess, was hoping to get a recommendation for a MM card. Instead, without a moment's thought, she says she'd start me on Lexapro.(My dope dealers were never that easy! Geez!) And, weird, but I actually made it clear to her that I tend to have an addictive personality, and really didn't want something that had more adverse side effects than any effects my own thoughts could conjure up when I was feeling "not right." Off I went with my 2 week trial script straight home and to the internet.

That Lexapro made my heart race, and I had worse cotton mouth than any weed could have possibly caused. But luckily, I found a link or two that mentioned in their articles that alcohol could be consumed in small quantities. Between that and PotVsKtl's words of wisdom, I was able to wash away some of my fears and began taking my "happy pill."

I noticed if I took it in the afternoon, I was still awake at 3am. And the fucking hot flashes! WTF? I returned to being skeptical again when I went to refill the trial prescription and found out that in order to remain happy per Lexapro, it would cost me $120 per month... I'm sorry, but I didn't think my "not right" was worth that much...(Nor, that our insurance didn't cover it.) Back to the internet...because truthfully, I may not have seemed fucked up to the Dr., but I myself knew I wasn't quite myself. And several times during that 2 week trial, events or whatever occurred that normally would have set me off, or brought with it a bout of crying...and I was like, "Okay, no biggy, life goes on..." Not numb to the problem, but I was able to better deal with it in a controlled manner. (Unlike the day I forgot to take it last week and proceeded to chase my emotions out onto the fucking internet...:mad:)

I let the Dr. know and she made arrangements to change that script to Celexa, which insurance did cover. Prior to that, I once again went surfing along the internet to make sure that changing brands of pills wasn't gonna kill me. I've been taking it for over a month now, and maybe during the first week or two, I may have felt discomfort, but I wasn't shitting myself. And I certainly wasn't feeling my heart race like the other pill had done. Give it time to make all it's little adjustments, I guess. From what I've read and heard, these "happy pills" work differently for each individual. And with as easy as it was to get and change a script, you might have to try 2-3 different levels or brands before you find that happy spot.






fuck. I've done it again... I already know it's "tldr," don't fuck with me!
That felt good, and was relatively easy to post just then....:nono
"Don't Fuck with My Happy right now..."

BROKENDOLL
11-28-2010, 07:13 PM
:blah:blah:blah
I'll stfu now...:)-

Cdubby
11-28-2010, 07:24 PM
I was on effexor about 9 years ago for depression and anxiety. Couldn't bust a nut to save my life, had weird thoughts about murder/suicide (not consuming, but more than I ever had before- which was never.), and just a feeling of numbness.

Weird shit, never tried any medication after that. Instead I started talking to a therapist and got involved with activities that I enjoyed previously, like joining a recreation soccer league. Throw in ample servings of self-medication and I feel just fine and dandy these days.

locachica73
11-28-2010, 07:50 PM
Effexor, that is the one I can never remember the name of. I was on that once, if I missed a dose I would have the worst vertigo. It was the hardest to get off of.

BROKENDOLL
11-28-2010, 09:36 PM
Effexor, that is the one I can never remember the name of. I was on that once, if I missed a dose I would have the worst vertigo. It was the hardest to get off of.
See? This is what crosses my mind...Is there a point that you say to yourself, "Hey, It's all good. I just don't feel I need to take these anymore..." And then you flip the fuck out and find that you're more fucked up than before the meds. (Part of me still leans towards being able to talk to someone about any issues to help them ease up VS
taking something to make myself think it's all good.

locachica73
11-28-2010, 09:52 PM
I have gone on meds 4 times throughout my adulthood, during really hard times in my life. They worked for the time but it isn't something I would want to stay on. My dad got on prozac many years ago and just stayed on it. A few years back he had a breakdown and attempted suicide. The new psychiatrist he started seeing said he should not have remained on the same dose for as long as he did. Or at least that was the story he told us. So I just never wanted to get that dependent on anything. When things started getting better in my life I took myself off the pills to see how it went. It took me a month this time to get back to feeling normal. I had a few pretty crazy thoughts during that month though. I got off them without a doctors supervision though, I wouldn't recommend that to people.

BROKENDOLL
11-28-2010, 10:06 PM
I'd give you a long hug right now if I could.

My method of addressing this issue, along with most issues, is by creating projects for myself. They provide an outlet for my emotions to applied to. For my mom's funeral, I created a slideshow of vignettes, photos, and music. The next one was scanning all of our family photo books, from when my mom and dad started going out with each other, to my high school photos, and put them in date order. It allowed me to see her at different stages of her life with me. There were tough times, but it was/is a cool thing to see once it was completed.

Never went to see anyone because of a loss of a parent. I don't think it would have helped me. The literature given by the hospital was kind of sucky.

My mind and body are just tingling right now after reading that many others are equally as fucked up.

There really is a reason why I feel so comfortable on this board.

Awww, I'm touched... Believe it or not, I feel the same way, generation gap and all. Seriously, I got to thinking, and realized that when one of you claims to have lost a parent, it was a very young parent. I lost my mom when she was 62 years old and feel I still had a few things I was supposed to learn from her...I can't imagine having lost her anytime before that...I surely wouldn't have made it this far... Now almost 8 years have passed, and I'm just now admitting that losing her made a bigger dent than I wanted to admit to since then... maybe if I had talked to someone back then, I wouldn't have had to deal with the anger and upset that came with throwing my arms up saying "fuck it."

One of the reasons I spoke to my Dr. in the first place was due to losing a close friend that was only 52...Losing peeps my age doesn't sound like something I'm gonna handle real well, so I'm repairing any short circuits beforehand.:rolleyes

Neighborhood Creep
01-09-2011, 09:04 PM
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/120/253066484_558b3c9ff8.jpg

TomAz
01-09-2011, 09:16 PM
2 people I know dying in the same week makes me feel like killing myself. I think the worst thing for me about the shooting yesterday is that I've very often been in that frame of mind. I can't tell you how many times I've felt that massacring my entire family would be a good idea since at least it would save them from whatever impending apocalypse is upon us. It's like better to have it happen suddenly and end them all now, keep them from having to deal with the tribulation that's awaiting us. And probably a big part of my problem is that I feel like I've wasted my potential, underwhelmed, that I should be a god and be able to pay for anything. My family having to hold car washes to raise funds to bury my uncle shouldn't be a necessity; I should be able to pay for everything. And my friend who was killed just highlights how pitifully I've pissed away my life. What the fuck am I doing with myself?

Don't catastrophize things. You know what I mean.

Also, you have friends who admire you. Some of these friends are smart as shit and don't admire things randomly. What you are doing with yourself is contributing to the greater good. Don't fuck it up.

edit: also, money is not a report card.

edit #2: I don't mean to be a prick. I'm sorry for your losses.

gaypalmsprings
01-09-2011, 09:31 PM
You should talk this over with your wife.

betao
01-09-2011, 09:49 PM
Rick, hang in there man. I'm sorry for your losses, but as Tom puts it, you do have friends and family that care about you and will always be there for you. (and us on the board too).

It's been a rough time for myself some of my friends. I had an event that I wasn't ready to handle in early December that resulted in me drinking to the point of feeling the most alone and isolated I've ever felt. I quit drinking for the rest of the month to make sure I was still in control of myself; a depressant was the last thing I needed through this. Things seemed to be looking up a bit.

However, a couple days after New Years, a friend of ours killed herself with pesticides. The funeral was yesterday. I didn't know her very well but alot of my friends and roommate were very close. It has me worrying about some of my friends who are going through alot outside of this. I worry that they may become self destructive.

Every night I wonder if things will get better. I hope they do.

Neighborhood Creep
01-09-2011, 10:07 PM
^^ If you did that just now, you should give someone a call try and occupy yourself to keep from doing more damage. Sorry about your hard times but there is a lot of good life to live ahead. Things will come together.

betao
01-09-2011, 10:14 PM
Rick, just go to the "Next Time You Try To Look" thread and start on page 1. I'd be lying if I said I've never done that.

Start writing down thoughts too. Even draw them out. It's helped me out too.

J~$$$$
01-09-2011, 10:27 PM
Ummmmmm does any one have jenn or ricks phone number.... They might want to call.

algunz
01-09-2011, 10:30 PM
It never makes it go away. It never makes you really feel better.

J~$$$$
01-09-2011, 10:46 PM
This is very scary.

Somebody needs to call. I would but I don't have phone numbers.

hawkingvsreeve
01-09-2011, 10:52 PM
He's fine. Just having a rough day.

algunz
01-09-2011, 10:55 PM
But for others that read this board . . .

J~$$$$
01-09-2011, 10:55 PM
Rough day or not doesn't mean that he shouldn't have anyone to talk too.

algunz
01-09-2011, 10:57 PM
Amen, J

Neighborhood Creep
01-09-2011, 11:00 PM
Rough day or not doesn't mean that he shouldn't have anyone to talk too.

I totally agree.

hawkingvsreeve
01-09-2011, 11:02 PM
I looked into it. Everything is fine.

algunz
01-09-2011, 11:04 PM
Fine is a fire under a velvet rug.

J~$$$$
01-09-2011, 11:04 PM
I looked into it. Everything is fine.

I got ya. <3. Thank you.

GeezrRckr
01-09-2011, 11:08 PM
hi Brandon...have missed ya, man.

Somewhat Damaged
01-09-2011, 11:15 PM
It's Jen; he's fine. Police are here. Thanks.

BROKENDOLL
01-09-2011, 11:21 PM
Folks can we clean up our posts and quotes - remove some pics?
Done.

shoegazer76
01-09-2011, 11:26 PM
I'm haunted by a friend that hanged himself. I blame myself for not being there for him. He wanted to be clean & sober but kept abusing & felt guilty to the point of taking his life with a part of mine & his family's. He was a talented artist and eccentric person. He gave me comfort knowing there was someone like him in the world. He lives on in my memories and dreams. Part of me leaving Ohio was because I kept seeing our memories everywhere there. I got out here to Vegas & met my first friend. About 6 months later he took his life also. I've made no solid friendships since. I feel cursed.

shoegazer76
01-09-2011, 11:35 PM
Another good friend of mine was into some bad shit. Forging scripts & got caught. Cops wanted him to rat. He chose to blow his face off with a shotgun. Thing is....he survived & is in a mental ward with half a face & half a memory. I always think about visiting him during the holidays when I go back but have never had the courage to.
Why rush death people? It will come soon enough.
If you've got good health, a good friend or family then you are ahead in life.

algunz
01-09-2011, 11:43 PM
Whatever whyever however, just please . . . speak up.

Love ya, Rick - and tomorrow will be a better day.

Stickjohn
01-09-2011, 11:48 PM
music anybody?

GPeB6kGxWY0&feature=related

Somewhat Damaged
01-10-2011, 12:02 AM
Well this blew up in my face.

theresalwaysone
01-10-2011, 12:04 AM
Call the bomb squad!

SoulDischarge
01-10-2011, 12:04 AM
Just because life is pointless doesn't mean it's not worth living.

algunz
01-10-2011, 12:06 AM
Hello???

WTF, did you expect/want?

(She's not going to walk away. Don't try to test her. She may bite :) )

stuporfly
01-10-2011, 12:11 AM
Just because life is pointless doesn't mean it's not worth living.

Amen, brother. It's always easier to realize this when you're not in a dark place, but it's true.

shoegazer76
01-10-2011, 12:31 AM
I've been to the edge many times myself. Over breakups, over losing jobs, over insecurities, over being financially unsuccessful, from not being accepted socially, etc..
Its an old saying "That which does not kill you makes you stronger". Its true. By giving up you let the negative forces that have brought you down win. Each & everyone of you is stronger than that. You just have to take that negativity & channel it into something positive in your own way whether its creating art, learning something new, reading, listening to music, surfing the message board or whatever makes you escape the grasp of negativity.

Devin the Dude
01-10-2011, 02:01 PM
This was upsetting to see. Hope you heal up nice physically and mentally. <3

algunz
01-10-2011, 02:09 PM
Cap'n, you OK?

amyzzz
01-10-2011, 02:10 PM
This new year is starting out all shitty.

Jen, I hope you and Rick are ok.

captncrzy
01-11-2011, 07:11 AM
We're fine. Rick has (as the rest of us do) good days and bad days. Fortunately, the bad days are very few and far in between.

Thanks for the concern everyone.

SoulDischarge
01-13-2011, 07:21 AM
I'm reaching a low point right now. I just can't continue living on like this, being this poor. I see no future for myself and the immediate future is just seems unbelievably difficult and hard to make it through. I just don't have the money to make it through. Things just keep piling up and bad things keep happening that make it even harder to catch up. I don't know how people do it. How do you survive without any money? And I'm not even talking about going to shows and other bullshit like that. I mean. After rent, I can't afford food and utilities and my phone bill and stuff. And I'm just in such overwhelming debt that I don't see anyway to climb out of it. No one will ever give me money to go back to school so I'll never be able to get a better job. I wish I was clever or motivated or creative or outgoing enough to pull myself up and find ways around the system to get to a better place, but I'm not. I'm afraid of losing my job because of a minor illness. I might not, but I have to go through hell to try to get a doctor's note in order to keep it. I'm hopefully getting food stamps soon but I don't have enough money to keep me fed until then. And I'm just so sick of living in this world we live in. I'm not going to kill myself because I'm too much of a pussy, but I don't have much left in me at the moment.

Dogvolta
01-13-2011, 11:28 AM
I was on effexor for many years. I'll skip over the why, what it was like, etc etc and get to my point...the withdrawals of coming off of it.
It was one of thee hardest things I've ever had to quit. Yes, I weened myself off, with the help of the dr. too.
The electric shocks, "hearing" my eyeballs move, vertigo, sweats, the incessant shaking, and the mood swings were misery. I am not kidding when I say it took about 6 months for all the residual symptoms to go away. It was most intense at the 2 month part.
The Dr. suggested a lot of physical exercise, so that's when I started running. Just simple 20 minutes or so on treadmill at gym. That ended up working so well that I just kept going back to the gym, eventually taking up weight lifting+cardio, yoga, running outdoors, etc. 9 months after stopping the meds I had lost just under 30 lbs, and to this day, few years later, I still work out just as much for the sole purpose that it feels good :)

koryp
01-13-2011, 03:18 PM
I'm reaching a low point right now. I just can't continue living on like this, being this poor. I see no future for myself and the immediate future is just seems unbelievably difficult and hard to make it through. I just don't have the money to make it through. Things just keep piling up and bad things keep happening that make it even harder to catch up. I don't know how people do it. How do you survive without any money? And I'm not even talking about going to shows and other bullshit like that. I mean. After rent, I can't afford food and utilities and my phone bill and stuff. And I'm just in such overwhelming debt that I don't see anyway to climb out of it. No one will ever give me money to go back to school so I'll never be able to get a better job. I wish I was clever or motivated or creative or outgoing enough to pull myself up and find ways around the system to get to a better place, but I'm not. I'm afraid of losing my job because of a minor illness. I might not, but I have to go through hell to try to get a doctor's note in order to keep it. I'm hopefully getting food stamps soon but I don't have enough money to keep me fed until then. And I'm just so sick of living in this world we live in. I'm not going to kill myself because I'm too much of a pussy, but I don't have much left in me at the moment.

I sent you an invite to the mental health social group. Please check it out. You showed a lot of balls posting this out here, so I'm hoping you use some of that courage to at least check it out. I have been really impressed with the level of help board members are offering each other there and the willingness to open up and share their struggles with one another. It's one of the coolest things I''ve seen happen here and I hope you'll at least check it out to see that you aren't alone in feeling the way you do. Maybe even find some hope and direction for walking through this and improving your situation.

fatbastard
01-13-2011, 04:03 PM
I'm reaching a low point right now. I just can't continue living on like this, being this poor. I see no future for myself and the immediate future is just seems unbelievably difficult and hard to make it through. I just don't have the money to make it through. Things just keep piling up and bad things keep happening that make it even harder to catch up. I don't know how people do it. How do you survive without any money? And I'm not even talking about going to shows and other bullshit like that. I mean. After rent, I can't afford food and utilities and my phone bill and stuff. And I'm just in such overwhelming debt that I don't see anyway to climb out of it. No one will ever give me money to go back to school so I'll never be able to get a better job. I wish I was clever or motivated or creative or outgoing enough to pull myself up and find ways around the system to get to a better place, but I'm not. I'm afraid of losing my job because of a minor illness. I might not, but I have to go through hell to try to get a doctor's note in order to keep it. I'm hopefully getting food stamps soon but I don't have enough money to keep me fed until then. And I'm just so sick of living in this world we live in. I'm not going to kill myself because I'm too much of a pussy, but I don't have much left in me at the moment.

Hey Patrick[long long silent hug...picks up your left hand and hands you a large glass of whiskey sour, puts a cigarette in your mouth and lights it].

Can you receive a subsidized rate with the utility companies? Food bank? Free group therapy?

It sucks being poor. I grew up poor. I guess you can say that I'm still poor; the bills get paid, but the comfort level has become less and less over the years.

We don't have kids. What's gonna happen to me when I'm 73? Look what happened to those disabled people. I don't want to be 73, bedridden, listening to the Prince Coachella bootleg in a room that smells like corned feet and having some male nurse humping me. I worry about the future, but try very hard not to obsess over it.

You live with many struggles, but primarily healthy. You have 10 fingers, 10 toes, and a beard that wonít quit.

How many parents, who have lost their kids to war over the last few years, have emotionally imploded and are walking as an empty shell? They try to move on. Thatís all they have now.

You canít associate your struggles as a gauge to keep on living. Donít allow your struggles to get the best of you. Yeah, I worry about whatís going to happen to the wife and myself when we get old, but I still have plenty of time to worry about that.

How long ago was it that you were sleeping on someoneís couch, having nothing to eat, and looking for clothes for job interviews? You went to several interviews in various areas of the city and found a job. Youíve been working. You have a roof under your head.

Do you make time for yourself? I donít mean make a cup of coffee and map out how your gonna borrow from Paul to pay Peter, I mean, spend time reflecting? Look at the accomplishments equally as the defeats?

Please do not allow the struggles in your life to influence how you feel. I know itís almost impossible, but you can be strong and not let it take over your life. If you have to be weak, go and cry or punch a wall, but compose yourself and be ready to fight. Get angry, pissed and real mean. Never, ever allow anyone or anything to get you down.

Your time will come. What goes around comes around. My idiot co-workers over the years, the ones that back stabbed everyone, who eventually got fired because their shadiness? They fired them! Went to everyoneís final happy hour to say goodbye and drank all of the free booze and enjoyed myself like I was getting promoted. They so deserved it.

Bad people deserve to have bad things happen to them. Good people have challenges, but they always take it in stride that thing will get better. Look at/for the positive Patrick.

I know I know, Iím going Brokendoll on you here (love you Beverly).

Good luck to you Patrick. Be strong.

TommyboyUNM
02-11-2011, 04:43 PM
Devin, I know you've probably been told this already. Changes don't happen over night. It's cliche', but it's true. I know you said you're not seeing a difference after kicking hard drugs, and my intent is not to get preachy, but that will be a change that will benefit you in the long run. I suggest sticking to that, even though the effects seem minimal right now.

You're right that you can't control anything but your own habits, so that's a good place to start. Have you taken inventory of the external things that might be bringing you down? Hard drugs was obviously one of them. Is there anything else? You can control the exposure you have to those things - within reason, I suppose.

You're still young enough to where, if you start making small positive changes now, you could see a world of difference years from now. The goal isn't to be at optimal happiness tomorrow, but to take steps to get close to that down the line.

Maybe write down some actionable goals for yourself and ways you can achieve those goals. Share them with friends and ask them to help you with accountability. And try not to get frustrated if you plateau or have setbacks. Easier said than done, I know, but it's helpful to give yourself constant affirmation and always remind yourself of what you want to achieve.

Devin the Dude
02-11-2011, 04:55 PM
I have someone who keeps watch over me. I make schedules and to-do lists every day. I'm going back to school. I shouldn't be feeling like this.But you are probably right, it will just take a long time to start feeling like a normal human again, if I ever will

I'm pretty sure it might be something unnatural or due to my prolonged drug use that has either caused my brain to stop functioning the way it used to or has created a chemical imbalance that would be hard to fix without anti-depressants or pills. I am opposed to both. I am just terribly paranoid and anxious all the time, I find problems with everything and weigh them more heavily in my mind than any of the benefits to them. I have such an defeatist attitude on life because of my medical problems and I know some of you people with disabilities carry them well and wear it with pride but I do not. I am weak.

guedita
02-11-2011, 06:35 PM
Devin, have you thought about joining a support group? I don't know, maybe you already do N.A. or something, but I think that committing yourself to group therapy/sessions with other people who have had similar addictions in the past could be good for you.

Devin the Dude
02-11-2011, 07:02 PM
I have had that recommendation from several friends and my friend Sandi's mom who actually runs one. I should reconsider. Could barely bring myself to post on here tho.

fatbastard
02-11-2011, 09:08 PM
Hey Devin (fair skinned girl in a pair of pajamas (34C, 28,36) takes her arm off my shoulder, uses her hands to push you onto a chair and starts massaging your shoulders. I light a pipe and pass it to you),

What are you specifically feeling when you speak of not feeling OK? Physical withdrawals? Loneliness? Helplessness? Failure? All of the above?

What made you stop doing hard drugs?

How far off are you on your personal goals? It sounds like school is a priority in your life. What are you going to do with after graduation?

What have you done to replace hard drugs? Have you thought about hiking or traveling? What drives you/inspires you creatively besides doing drugs and going to concerts?

Letís take about the anger/rage. Have you done any anger management? Remember this one, ďNo one can make you feel inferior without your consentĒ.

What can you do to mend your friendships and/or maintain new ones? What do you want in a friend? Do you meet the same criteria for people that you want to be your friend?

From personal experience, my brain will never be the same. The person that I was between 1980 and 1986 was not me. It was always the party, the quality of the drugs (no resin or cut shit), and the idea that this was ďtheí night of all nights. I made close relationships with the wrong crowd and the true friends left one by one. Once I decided to stop drugs, there was lots of personal time. I took the bus to college, read, and anything said to anyone was class related. Lots of silent time to myself. Iíve never really recovered in terms of being sociable with people. Iíve been told to take meds by non-physicians (family and friends). I would recommend not taking any type of medication until youíre in a better mental disposition. Then again, I am also a non-physician.

Iíve always been paranoid. I enter my parking garage in a different direction every day. I go home a different way home every day. Itís not uncommon to walk into a store just to see if someone is following me.

If you were really weak, youíd still be doing hard drugs. There was something in your head that made you think to stop. You cherished your friends enough to feel remorse when you fucked up. You have more strength than you think.

Take your time Devin. Give yourself time to recover and spend time to understand what happened. Letís see where things go from there.

Somewhat Damaged
02-11-2011, 10:11 PM
This was very much a rapid cycling day, going from feeling like murdering whoever I was on the phone with to cracking jokes with coworkers basically within seconds. Maybe I didn't realize it but the last couple of days may have been wrought with manic episodes. I get about 5 hours of sleep a night, work 10-11 hour days, not to mention the hour that I'm at my desk during lunch (browsing the board instead of looking for a used head gasket for my car or anything else that would be actually productive, naturally) and the 35-50 minutes that constitute my to/from drives to my job. The thing that pisses me off the most about my supposed "manic" episodes is that I don't do anything exciting with them. I'm still overly cautious with how much money I'm spending, drinking almost nightly but not to excess, not working out and browbeating myself about it. It's like I'm not making waves or headlines, just aggravating the shit out of myself.

It's times like this that I kind of hate posting so much on a board where I've met people in real life and have befriended them. One of my biggest annoyances (of the very, very many that I have) is that I can't be honest about my real feelings with anybody because of how wonderfully that's worked out with relationships/friendships in the past. If I talked about a quarter of the things I actually think about or feel, my social network would shrivel by at least half. And if I could at least write a decent script about it, then maybe I'd feel it was worth it, but I can't even get my brain focused enough to pull that off.

I've seen a psychiatrist twice in the last month. She doesn't want to prescribe me any medication since I'm getting (basically) free services from this local mental health network. I was grandfathered in based on being determined "seriously mentally ill" back in '99 (once you're classified as SMI, apparently, that's what you're considered to be from that point onward) so it costs me like $3 to see a psychiatrist every 3 months and get Epitol prescribed to me with 2 free refills. But Epitol is only designed to keep me from getting crazy-high manic and as has become increasingly evident of late, I need an anti-depressant. I've got an appointment on Monday so hopefully they can get me on something that doesn't take too long to kick in & doesn't have side effects that piss me off to the point that I just take myself off of them. (Not being able to come = a side effect that pisses me off to the point I take myself off the medication.)

SoulDischarge
02-11-2011, 10:44 PM
. . . anti-depressants or pills. I am opposed to both.

I was opposed to anti-depressants too. But it's something that's worth trying if you need them. They didn't work out for me, but they might for you. Try not to limit your treatment options just because they seem unpleasant.

koryp
02-11-2011, 10:45 PM
Wow. Heaviest posts I've seen in a while and I gotta say to both Devin and Rick it takes a lot of guts to post stuff like this. I've never met either of you, though I hope you'll both take somthing from my post. First off, Cara's suggestion about the social group is seriously a great one. The mental health group has really saved a few of our asses on some really tough days and I can say everyone there has been a huge part of my daily support system. I won't for a second claim to know what you're going through because even though we share some common experiences, I know that it's never exactly the same. I can say I understand the feeling you describe. I've made no secret here about being a recovering addict. Finding other's in recovery to meet up at the festival is main reason I went from lurking on the board to regular participation here. I'm not about to get all preachy to you Devin. Drug use kicked my ass. I know I'm an addict and that's why I go to NA. I've been clean for over 9 years. It wasn't easy. I tried for years before to get it under control and know how hard that shit is. Take it easy on yourself. If you can stop or moderate, you probably are not an addict, so give it some time, replace old habits with new ones, make new friends who aren't into sketchy drugs, and learn to enjoy the change. If it turns out you needs NA, it'll still be there later. I promise, we aren't going away. If you really want to talk more about this, I'm open. PM me and we can set that up. I really love this board and I know many here have formed great relationships with you, so if I can help out, I'd feel honored to return the favor.
Rick, I am also Manic Depressive and today it's what I struggle with most. If I was graded daily on the thoughts that go through my head, I totally fail at life. Luckily, I believe it's got more to do with my actions, than what I think, so lately I've been doing better. Maybe a C-. I'll take that and be happy. I won't get into all the near criminal thoughts and the cycles I go through or the crazy shit I've got to do just to look like I function in society out here on the board, but seriously check out the social group. You are not alone. Hope it helps guys.
Kory

sbessiso
02-11-2011, 10:45 PM
I'm reaching a low point right now. I just can't continue living on like this, being this poor. I see no future for myself and the immediate future is just seems unbelievably difficult and hard to make it through. I just don't have the money to make it through. Things just keep piling up and bad things keep happening that make it even harder to catch up. I don't know how people do it. How do you survive without any money? And I'm not even talking about going to shows and other bullshit like that. I mean. After rent, I can't afford food and utilities and my phone bill and stuff. And I'm just in such overwhelming debt that I don't see anyway to climb out of it. No one will ever give me money to go back to school so I'll never be able to get a better job. I wish I was clever or motivated or creative or outgoing enough to pull myself up and find ways around the system to get to a better place, but I'm not. I'm afraid of losing my job because of a minor illness. I might not, but I have to go through hell to try to get a doctor's note in order to keep it. I'm hopefully getting food stamps soon but I don't have enough money to keep me fed until then. And I'm just so sick of living in this world we live in. I'm not going to kill myself because I'm too much of a pussy, but I don't have much left in me at the moment.

this post scares me mostly because of how similar a situation we're in right now. damn, sorry Pat. :(

SoulDischarge
02-11-2011, 10:53 PM
Luckily, that was seriously a low point and I haven't felt anywhere near that shitty since, although I've kind of just been on auto-pilot lately. Winter is really a drag. The day-to-day business of life is so much more mundane and stressful when it's 7 degrees out and the sidewalks are made of ice.

hendrixfan143
02-11-2011, 11:40 PM
I'm lonely.

Devin the Dude
02-12-2011, 04:25 PM
I might delete these posts and move them to the group.. I'll decide later.

Yup. Deleted. No sense having that out in the open when there is a private group.

SoulDischarge
04-13-2011, 07:06 PM
Please just euthanize me already someone.

fatbastard
04-13-2011, 07:22 PM
:lool

I think of you everytime I go drinking at whole foods.

CoachellaRides
04-13-2011, 07:33 PM
Yablo, Seriously. Try Klonopin for a week and tell me it isn't remarkably more effective and less affecting than Xanax. You can probably take 1 .5MG pill when you wake up and it lasts the whole day. Or, take a 1 MG and a .5 before bed if you have insomnia. It is so much better and so less dangerous than Xanax. I just tried to google that article and couldn't find it. Let me see if I can find the article and I'll link it for you. It's pretty harrowing with the way it mentions Xanax.

This is a true story take it for what you will....

I have a real problem with Klonopin. I mentor a young man that suffers with Schizophrenia.

He got mixed up with the wrong crowd 3 yrs ago in Portland, took the stuff and died. Luckily his brother was with him and called 911 they were able to revive him.

He is alive today, but he will never be the same.

Be careful with the drugs you take.....The outcome may not not worth the thrill.

just sayin... real talk...

Hannahrain
04-13-2011, 07:34 PM
That post is over four years old. He's probably not checking back for responses.

CoachellaRides
04-13-2011, 07:35 PM
That post is over four years old. He's probably not checking back for responses.

and drugs are yesterday, today and tomorrow...

TommyboyUNM
04-13-2011, 07:44 PM
and drugs are yesterday, today and tomorrow...

Whoa, man.

Devin the Dude
04-13-2011, 07:53 PM
Mind = blown.

obzen
04-13-2011, 08:49 PM
Fuck this.

Devin the Dude
04-13-2011, 08:52 PM
Talk. Please? Many a breakdown this week. Group is happy to have you.

obzen
04-13-2011, 09:03 PM
U JELZ!!??!

PotVsKtl
04-14-2011, 12:05 PM
I either left before the show or blacked out the whole thing. Fuck you Paxil.

GoodGirlGalaxy
04-14-2011, 12:19 PM
I either left before the show or blacked out the whole thing. Fuck you Paxil.

That's depressing.

marooko
05-09-2011, 11:24 AM
Yeah. Fun days lately.

Courtney
10-28-2011, 01:13 PM
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

TomAz
10-28-2011, 01:21 PM
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

wow

koryp
10-28-2011, 01:35 PM
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

I loved this as much as skittles. Nice find Courtney.

Starraven
10-28-2011, 02:10 PM
Sad music makes me happy, is that weird?

koryp
10-28-2011, 02:16 PM
Sad music makes me happy, is that weird?

I have well over one crate of Sad Bastard records. It's a great genre. Besides, sad songs say so much.

Gribbz
10-28-2011, 02:24 PM
Someone asked me if I was suicidal when I expressed my liking for the song Yesterday by the Beatles.

chairmenmeow47
10-28-2011, 02:26 PM
probably me. i hate when that song is played in restaurants.

Hannahrain
10-28-2011, 02:28 PM
What specific circumstances under which to hate something.

koryp
10-28-2011, 02:29 PM
I heard a cover of "Everyday is Halloween" last night at the the craft store and felt suicidal.

amyzzz
10-28-2011, 02:30 PM
hahahaha

Hannahrain
10-28-2011, 02:30 PM
I really hate it when they play Cat Scratch Fever at the waterpark, but find both acceptable when separated.

koryp
10-28-2011, 02:31 PM
What specific circumstances under which to hate something.

What specific context under which statement remains fragment.

Hannahrain
10-28-2011, 02:33 PM
I pretty much exclusively received what proponents describe as "holistic" education, Kory. I'm doing the best I can.

amyzzz
10-28-2011, 02:34 PM
I pretty much exclusively received what proponents describe as "holistic" education, Kory. I'm doing the best I can.
Where do I sign my kids up for that?

Gribbz
10-28-2011, 02:35 PM
I heard a cover of "Everyday is Halloween" last night at the the craft store and felt suicidal.
Conor Oberst.

Hannahrain
10-28-2011, 02:36 PM
Where do I sign my kids up for that?

Don't do it. You get a lot of togetherness and muralpainting and not a whole lot of education.

chairmenmeow47
10-28-2011, 02:36 PM
What specific circumstances under which to hate something.

i strive for exclusivity in my hate

koryp
10-28-2011, 02:41 PM
Don't do it. You get a lot of togetherness and muralpainting and not a whole lot of education.

But they'd be totally prepared to set up tents in front of "symbols" of greed and corruption, smoke pot, wax philosophic, and do nothing whatsoever about changing the nature of their situation.

koryp
10-28-2011, 02:42 PM
i strive for exclusivity in my hate

Such a hipster! ;)

koryp
10-28-2011, 02:44 PM
Connor Oberst.

I looked it up. Something called "Heart Attak".

koryp
10-28-2011, 02:44 PM
Fuck it that's 4.

MissingPerson
10-28-2011, 05:22 PM
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

The second I saw this thread bumped, I was gonna post this. I love it very, very much.

Although I must say, I was kind of disappointed to discover that Allie Brosh does not actually have a yellow cone jutting out of the side of her head where her hair should be and is, in fact, all kinds of foxy. It just seems so unfair.

Goatchella
10-28-2011, 05:24 PM
Don't do it. You get a lot of togetherness and muralpainting and not a whole lot of education.

whats wrong with mural painting?

amyzzz
10-28-2011, 05:33 PM
I thought the cone was a horn.

Hannahrain
10-28-2011, 05:34 PM
Nothing's wrong with mural painting. But when you get to the point where you're all ready to add your inspirational caption and realize nobody's literate enough to write it, it's time to question your accreditation.

gaypalmsprings
11-12-2013, 09:44 AM
The psychiatrist I've been seeing over 10 years (every 3 months) just passed away. He died from complications during surgery. Man, this makes me sad that the guy who has been helping me feel happy is dead. I hope he knew how much his patients appreciated him. R.I.P. Gentle Man.

algunz
11-12-2013, 09:50 AM
Shoot, that's rough. That's a serious relationship you guys had. I'm sorry for your loss. :(



He definitely knows your appreciation now.

koryp
11-12-2013, 09:15 PM
Sorry to hear that GPS, good that you had him in your life for the time he was here. Positive vibes are being sent in your general direction.

fatbastard
11-13-2013, 07:26 AM
Sorry to hear about this GPS. It seems harder and harder to get up now days knowing how the clock doesn’t stop. Here we are at Thanksgiving already and more people have been lost this year. You were very fortunate to have that person in your life for 10 years. I pray that you find peace during this time.

Courtney
11-13-2013, 11:35 AM
GPS, ditto to what everyone above said. I'm sorry for your loss.

Courtney
11-13-2013, 11:39 AM
If anyone is interested, this NPR interview of Allie Brosh (of Hyperbole and a Half) by Terry Gross (http://www.npr.org/2013/11/12/244758140/even-when-it-hurts-alot-brosh-faces-life-with-plenty-of-hyperbole) is definitely worth a listen. They discuss depression in depth with a sort of honesty and bravery that you don't often hear from folks in the public eye.

marooko
11-14-2013, 01:56 PM
I use to be cool. :-(

bug on your lip
11-14-2013, 02:09 PM
I use to be cool. :-(

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7901121024/hBA6B099F.jpg

guedita
01-03-2014, 12:13 PM
Here are some excerpts readers of the Atlantic have shared about their own experiences with anxiety: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/01/this-is-anxiety/282706/

thelastgreatman
01-03-2014, 12:16 PM
Who needs that?

ocbruin84
01-03-2014, 03:15 PM
For their sake I pray they never find this place.

sbessiso
10-28-2014, 10:36 PM
feels like Ive been down and depressed for years now. maybe my whole life. everything sucks.