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Somewhat Damaged
11-06-2009, 09:59 PM
23 was the last time I was in the hospital. The hood of my car flew open & slammed into my windshield when I was on the freeway one day. I somehow managed not to freak the fuck out & crash & drove myself off the freeway. That night when I got home, I trashed my room, prompting my dad to have my mom and sister sleep at my grandmother's for fear of being in my path. The next day was fine but the day after that, I called my car insurance company and the fucking cunt I spoke with about what happened to my car started laughing at me and I went mental, destroying the living room. My dad called the cops on me and after a week, I was let out, only to have my parents help me move my shit into an apartment of my own, where I lived by myself for 5 years.

Hmph. Maybe I'm not really trying to be helpful & am just wanting to navel-gaze about myself, or maybe I'm trying to illustrate that if I managed to come through a similarly tough period, you shouldn't lose hope for yourself.

Derekx: I resisted taking medication for the longest time, saying that I didn't want it to become a crutch, but finally relinquished after months of being bombarded with this argument by my girlfriend and psychologist: "Is it a crutch for a diabetic to take insulin?" If you have a physiological deficiency that's resulting in these anxiety attacks, then you owe it to yourself to try something that will keep them at bay. I've been on pretty much everything under the sun so I know it sucks to take a trial-and-error approach to medication, but if the alternative is worrying about going into public for fear of having another anxiety attack, then I'd rather the trial-and-error. And did.

SoulDischarge
11-06-2009, 10:29 PM
It does help in some small way. That sounds a lot like me as well. All my life I've had really bad rage issues where I've flipped the fuck out over really small things and destroyed things when I was pissed off. It calmed down for a couple of years, I think because I was smoking weed, but the last 3 years or so I've noticed a lot of the old tendencies popping up. Usually when it happens, I do things to hurt myself as opposed to other people. Tear up my favorite things, beat myself over the head, etc. It can be really scary and embarrassing, but I just start seeing red with frustration and stop thinking like a logical human being and just start acting on pure emotion.

Somewhat Damaged
11-06-2009, 10:39 PM
You a cutter?

SoulDischarge
11-07-2009, 12:43 AM
No. Not that bad. I'm too much of a pussy to inflict too much pain on myself.

amyzzz
11-07-2009, 06:56 AM
I'd be a cutter if I didn't faint at the sight of blood.

gaypalmsprings
11-07-2009, 08:07 AM
Arcade Fire. That's hitting bottom, dude.

Alternate
11-07-2009, 08:17 AM
this is my type of thread. hi everyone.

Derekx
11-07-2009, 08:53 AM
Derekx: I resisted taking medication for the longest time, saying that I didn't want it to become a crutch, but finally relinquished after months of being bombarded with this argument by my girlfriend and psychologist: "Is it a crutch for a diabetic to take insulin?" If you have a physiological deficiency that's resulting in these anxiety attacks, then you owe it to yourself to try something that will keep them at bay. I've been on pretty much everything under the sun so I know it sucks to take a trial-and-error approach to medication, but if the alternative is worrying about going into public for fear of having another anxiety attack, then I'd rather the trial-and-error. And did.

You make a really good point. I honesty never thought about it that way. My only major problem is the side-effects. I was taking Paxil before and I was experiencing mood changes and irritability. I felt better before I took it. If there's a medication that'll help my anxiety and not fuck me over in some other kind of way, I'm for it.

Somewhat Damaged
11-07-2009, 12:43 PM
Paxil sucks. I'm not a doctor and I don't know you or your history so I can't recommend something for what you're experiencing, although I will say that I used to take Lexapro and have a couple friends who have taken it & found it to decrease their anxiety.

http://www.drugs.com/lexapro.html

I imagine there may also be some holistic medications you can take if you're wary of taking an SSRI or something else of its ilk, but I'm not knowledgeable on any of that to be of much help.

BROKENDOLL
11-07-2009, 03:04 PM
Mark, good for you in taking the first step towards feeling better and filtering through the good and bad that defines you. I myself have never been to a therapist, psychologist, or councellor, and I'm certain I have a pretty good set of issues like everyone else here. I know my primary physician recommended seeing someone shortly after my mother passed away and I had just gone through a breakup, but he stressed the "Happy Pill" shit right off the bat, so I let it go. I'm the first to admit I have an addictive personality. You give me a happy pill and there's a real good chance I'll go for being really, really happy in no time! Add to all of that the fact that while I still technically have a father, in reality, there is absolutely no emotional attachment and never has been. Instead of hearing "I Love You" while growing up, I spent those years wondering what I had to do to get the same fatherly attention my brother got. Goals and plans for the future got shot down before I even announced them. Achievements weren't acknowledged. If I had a question, I was directed towards my mother for the answers. And I won't even go into the double standard bullshit I endured while growing up. I'm sure I was confused by it enough to eventually throw my hands in the air and say, "Fuck it," which in turn opened doors for the direction I ended up taking. I learned on a visit from my mom in prison one day, that I was pretty much doomed the day I was born due to being a girl and not a "son." I also learned that after almost 20 years of being rejected by my father, that he had also gotten the same treatment from his father at one time. I don't know if that made me feel better, but it sure justified my worries of what I was convinced I was doing wrong in his eyes...nothing. It wouldn't have been any different if I had been doing shit right either...I was a girl.

Seriously, when the news of my mother passing away hit, I crumbled. Most kids knew they had a family member to run to for comfort. I wasn't sure what I was running to. My father and I hadn't spoken in years, so I wasn't expecting open arms. I also wasn't expecting for him to put the blame of my mother's death on my shoulders either! All the books I had gotten in regards to father/daughter relationships and they're importance may as well been written in chalk. Washed away just as he washed away his responsibility in being a father in the first place.

The part that confused me the most was he insisted I stay and help him around the house with her things, etc. Two weeks later I returned home thinking all would change. A friend of mine took it upon themselves to write him and explain how hard a time I was having losing my mom. He got a reply from my father that included the accusation and made it very clear I meant nothing to him anymore. He claimed he couldn't stand having me in his house and yet for those 2 weeks, he was making me dinner everynight. Hell, when it came time for me to come home, it must have taken an hour just to back out of the driveway! From the moment I saw that reply letter, I once again through my hands up in the air and just said, "Fuck it."

I hadn't planned on opening up here just now for fear of having to listen to all the the rude remarks that I've gotten so used to from people on this board, but apparently that plan just went out the window. As a matter of fact, I could honestly say that much of the shit said may have drawn me into finding out more about myself over the last few months because I really don't think, other than age, that I'm any less human that any of you. I mean, what kind of person continues to return to a message board that doesn't exactly have open arms, especially if that person grew up in those surroundings? Duh...

But then, after reading the past few pages, I have to ask what kind of people treat me the way they have and think it's okay, when they have issues far beyond my comprehention. I'm almsot convinced that 75% of this message board is on some type of precription meds to make them normal, yet they're the first to point out the abnormal in me. I mean, while I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone else, (Far from it) I've learned to accept other's faults or quirks as who they are and what makes them that person. Doesn't mean I have to like everybody per say, but until they break out the obvious hypocrite inside of them, I don't find comfort in bringing someone down. I'd rather think that those with issues would be the ones with more open minds and accepting values in others, than what I witness here everyday.

I guess it's making me second guess the actual benefits of the therapy and councelling I've been considering lately...I don't know. Enlighten me, please...

Monklish
11-07-2009, 04:54 PM
Holy mother of god you are a tremendous piece of shit. Do you like the taste of Freud's dick in your mouth? Sweet jesus.

The way your warped mind has come to view the world is so out of whack it's ridiculous. If we treated people all the same and treated them on the exclusive basis of externally ascribed symptoms we wouldn't have gotten ANYWHERE in regards to developing treatments or changing our notions of what works when treating a person's symptoms. We'd still be tossing leeches onto people to cure mild insomnia or some batshit stupid means of treating it.

Guess what, shit for brains, the way psychologists have changed the paradigm of treating patients is through dissecting patients layer by layer and actually granting legitimacy to symptoms, treatments and information that falls out of the 99% you conjured up from the air. If the world worked in the way you think it does, psychology as a doctrine wouldn't fucking exist. Or, if it did exist, it would not have pushed past Freud or Skinner and we would be far, far worse off than you could ever imagine.

Even you are a goddamn snowflake, Randy. A fucked up snowflake, but still a snowflake.

What the fuck are you talking about? What does Freud have to do with any of this? You're a goddamn idiot, Passive, and once again I feel the need to really stress to you that you should just keep your half-baked opinions about anything that actually requires knowledge to yourself so you'd stop looking like such a dumb fuck.

You think that doctors don't treat patients based on analysis of their symptoms? Are you this fucking braindead? You're right, everyone is unique... except that they get diagnosed as having, say, bi-polar disorder, which has a set series of options for treatment.

Seriously, how the fuck do you think psychiatry works? And please explain how you have any basis whatsoever for possessing this opinion. Are you a psych major? What in the fuck do you possibly know about the practice of psychiatry?

menikmati
11-07-2009, 04:58 PM
He's Passive Theory, he knows all.

captncrzy
11-10-2009, 07:49 AM
I am so depressed today that I can't get out of bed and I couldn't go to work. This hasn't happened in a couple of years; I forgot to take my medication all weekend -- which I've done before -- and this is the first time I've had this kind of reaction to it.

I'm starting to think I'll never be able to get off of it. That sucks-I don't want to be tied to a pill the rest of my life.

TomAz
11-10-2009, 08:16 AM
I am so depressed today that I can't get out of bed and I couldn't go to work. This hasn't happened in a couple of years; I forgot to take my medication all weekend -- which I've done before -- and this is the first time I've had this kind of reaction to it.

I'm starting to think I'll never be able to get off of it. That sucks-I don't want to be tied to a pill the rest of my life.

If it were a cholesterol-reducing pill, would you feel the same way? or would you just think 'i need to take this to keep my cholesterol in check' and not worry about it?

captncrzy
11-10-2009, 08:42 AM
I suppose that's a good point. And the point I've made before. I just don't like the tailspin I'm in because I missed a few days.

TomAz
11-10-2009, 08:49 AM
It's not your fault. It is what it is. Just take the damned pill and live.

captncrzy
11-10-2009, 09:23 AM
I have to say, it's incredibly wonderful to be engaged to someone that has a similar mental disorder; it's great that he understands how to deal with me when I'm really down in the dumps. He left me alone last night so I could stew and got up and made me coffee this morning because he knows I need it.

amyzzz
11-10-2009, 09:26 AM
High five, Jen. I feel the same way about Jacob. We try to help the other when one of us is feeling down.

Young blood
11-10-2009, 09:55 AM
PIIIIILLLLLLLLSSSSSS!!!

Suffacated
11-10-2009, 10:21 AM
I have to say, it's incredibly wonderful to be engaged to someone that has a similar mental disorder;

Those with mental disorders should always stick together.
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e86/missteek/monkeys-grooming-749185.jpg

Young blood
11-10-2009, 10:25 AM
no wonder you and that skank hang together.

Suffacated
11-10-2009, 10:27 AM
bite me lamb chop.

Young blood
11-10-2009, 10:32 AM
Why don't you write a rhyme about it? Or get your pitbull to create a photochop that a retarded 2nd grader could do.

Suffacated
11-10-2009, 10:35 AM
you're just a fluffy little white sheep.

Young blood
11-10-2009, 10:40 AM
Oh noes, conformity!!! You go Johnny Meth. Rebel against the coachella message board. Nobody's gonna hold you back. The internet is your personal biker bar. Go on with your bad self ******.

liquidsnake28
11-10-2009, 11:00 AM
A really good way to relieve stress is by shooting guns. I shot a few clips of a 9mm yesterday and felt much better afterwards. It's can be an expensive hobby but it's hard not to feel refreshed after shooting.

amyzzz
11-10-2009, 11:02 AM
I'm not too sold on the idea of giving a gun to a depressed individual.

liquidsnake28
11-10-2009, 11:04 AM
I didn't say it does anything for depression, stress.

rskapcat
11-10-2009, 11:05 AM
Has just the opposite effect on me, unfortunately. Unfortunate because I work for a very firearm-happy company, so I would never have to pay to fire any gun I wanted. Makes me an anxious mess, though...like too much coffee.

weeklymix
11-10-2009, 11:14 AM
<--- Cannot consume caffeine.

BROKENDOLL
11-10-2009, 01:28 PM
no wonder you and that skank hang together.

Why don't you write a rhyme about it? Or get your pitbull to create a photochop that a retarded 2nd grader could do.

Oh noes, conformity!!! You go Johnny Meth. Rebel against the coachella message board. Nobody's gonna hold you back. The internet is your personal biker bar. Go on with your bad self ******.
Do you feel better about yourself now, youngblood? Did those rude and stupid insults relieve any of your own self hate and loathing?

:nono God, it must suck to be you. Seriously

amyzzz
11-10-2009, 02:14 PM
Depressed people don't need idiots like your boyfriend coming in here and insulting them. My god.

captncrzy
11-10-2009, 02:24 PM
I'm not all that worried about someone that is so clearly beneath me insulting me.

amyzzz
11-10-2009, 02:26 PM
Well, I had to point out that it was in very poor taste.

captncrzy
11-10-2009, 02:27 PM
I doubt either would get it.

Suffacated
11-10-2009, 02:34 PM
Oh noes, conformity!!! You go Johnny Meth. Rebel against the coachella message board. Nobody's gonna hold you back. The internet is your personal biker bar. Go on with your bad self ******.

Come on Young blood. You can do better than that, or can you? For someone who knows nothing about me, you sure type lots of smack. Rebel against the coachella message board? Nope, just against you. And biker bar? WTF are you talking about? Get your thoughts together worm. Not only are you spineless, you're nothing to no one.

And amyzzz...

Depressed idiots shouldnt go around insulting those less fortunate people. Or is it only a one way street?
FWIW, I do apologize for the cheap shot. It was in bad taste.

Young blood
11-10-2009, 02:39 PM
Suffocated.


Not only are you spineless, you're nothing to no one.


deep thoughts.

chairmenmeow47
11-10-2009, 02:49 PM
That sucks-I don't want to be tied to a pill the rest of my life.

i think this too & get defensive whenever it comes up that maybe i should be on some form of medication. and yet i happily smoke pot every day, lol. i don't get why that's ok for me but i think it's funny.

i need to get into seeing someone new. it's so hard to get anyone on the phone.

BROKENDOLL
11-10-2009, 04:12 PM
Depressed people don't need idiots like your boyfriend coming in here and insulting them. My god.
Whoa, now, wait a fucking minute! Where was the insult? In a cute monkey picture? You've got to be kidding me? After all the bullshit that's been said about me, including the capt's sig that she finds amusing, you're gonna tell me that a fucking monkey pic insults somebody? Whoa...


I'm not all that worried about someone that is so clearly beneath me insulting me.
So clearly beneath you? Really? So, do I take your sig as a compliment or an example of what level you're living on?


Come on Young blood. You can do better than that, or can you? For someone who knows nothing about me, you sure type lots of smack. Rebel against the coachella message board? Nope, just against you. And biker bar? WTF are you talking about? Get your thoughts together worm. Not only are you spineless, you're nothing to no one.

And amyzzz...

Depressed idiots shouldnt go around insulting those less fortunate people. Or is it only a one way street?
FWIW, I do apologize for the cheap shot. It was in bad taste.
The monkey pic was a cheap shot? Well, fuck...I thought you were agreeing on how nice it is to live with a whack case! Fuck me...I'm outa here...:rolleyes

captncrzy
11-10-2009, 04:36 PM
Whoa, now, wait a fucking minute! Where was the insult? In a cute monkey picture? You've got to be kidding me? After all the bullshit that's been said about me, including the capt's sig that she finds amusing, you're gonna tell me that a fucking monkey pic insults somebody? Whoa...


So clearly beneath you? Really? So, do I take your sig as a compliment or an example of what level you're living on?


The monkey pic was a cheap shot? Well, fuck...I thought you were agreeing on how nice it is to live with a whack case! Fuck me...I'm outa here...:rolleyes

First of all, that sig is funny. The fact that you constantly egg Randy on to get him to write the shit he writes is not my fault. It's yours. And I'd bet my house that he'd write whatever he wants about you, regardless if people sig him or not.

Gee, I don't know, what level am I living on? I have a steady job that probably pays more a year than you see in three, a house that doesn't look like a wicker-infested wolfmans lair, a genius fiancee that knows how to spell his own name, an honor-roll cheerleader daughter that you probably serve fries to when we drive through town, and I've managed to get through 35 years without: putting a crystalized chemical up my nose, prostituting myself, being sentenced by any kind of judge, or bending over for a giant bulldyke in jail.

So, again, what level is this?

I simply ignored his trolling and his dumb ass picture, yet I'm the one getting the ricochet?

Suffacated
11-10-2009, 05:57 PM
I simply ignored his trolling and his dumb ass picture, yet I'm the one getting the ricochet?

That's my fault. And I do apologize for the low blow. The point I was trying to make is that you, of all people are usually the first one to start trashing others. And you do it without knowing a god damned thing about them. Yet when someone returns the favor, look out! The shit hits the fan and you fire off with everything you can think of no matter how untrue it might be.

prostituting myself, or bending over for a giant bulldyke in jail.

Just what I'm talking about captn.
BTW, prescribed meds don't count, do they? I wouldn't know since I've never had that kind of luxury in dealing with this cold, cruel world.
It truly is a one way street around here. Very cliquish.
Captn, you get what you give, you give what you get. It's that simple.

CalmerThanYou
11-10-2009, 06:00 PM
THIS THREAD KNOWS HOW TO PARTY!

Suffacated
11-10-2009, 06:02 PM
Happy 7000 Calmer.

captncrzy
11-10-2009, 06:21 PM
I'll let everyone else take care of this. I can't believe I wasted any time on your idiocy at all.

Suffacated
11-10-2009, 06:25 PM
Oh....lighten up.
oops, sorry.

rskapcat
11-10-2009, 06:30 PM
Jen, I :pulse you. But you know that already.

Young blood
11-10-2009, 06:32 PM
I hate all of you, but I dont care.

TommyboyUNM
11-10-2009, 06:35 PM
Oh....lighten up.
oops, sorry.

I can see the giant chip on your shoulder all the way from Albuquerque. You feel inadequate because Jenn is well educated and has a well-paying job and the only thing you're qualified for is moving dirt.

I guess we should start giving you a free pass. Life has already busted your balls enough.

Young blood
11-10-2009, 06:39 PM
Woah Tommy, easy buddy, that's what a sheep would say. Don't conform.

TommyboyUNM
11-10-2009, 06:46 PM
You're right, J, what was I thinking? Though I think your point would've been more strongly communicated with a hilarious MS Paint and a poem to the tune of "Leaving On A Jet Plane."

And if an actual sheep had said that, I'm sure it would've been at least ten times more articulate than SuffAcated.

Suffacated
11-10-2009, 06:47 PM
I can see the giant chip on your shoulder all the way from Albuquerque. You feel inadequate because Jenn is well educated and has a well-paying job and the only thing you're qualified for is moving dirt.

I guess we should start giving you a free pass. Life has already busted your balls enough.

I just hate getting paid (well) for playing in the dirt.
You have no clue Tommy(especially in NM). So take your free pass along with your meds and get a grip. Life is something you have yet to experience. Busted balls is something you'll never ever know about.

Courtney
11-10-2009, 06:54 PM
I know it probably will not make a difference, but I would like to politely suggest that you all take your fighting elsewhere (when in doubt, the Bad Mood thread or the Default Thread both work).

Folks who are legitimately having a tough time with mental health issues don't need to be reading your internet fight. Unless they find it ridiculous and funny and it cheers them up, which I suppose is a valid option.

rskapcat
11-10-2009, 07:00 PM
Pete, if you want to belittle people for taking medication, take it to another thread, please. I don't have a problem with you or Beverly, but you guys should really stay out of this thread unless you have something valuable to contribute. Same goes to anyone else who pops in here to be funny. Please?

rskapcat
11-10-2009, 07:01 PM
Haha...great minds, Courtney.

Courtney
11-10-2009, 07:02 PM
:thu

TommyboyUNM
11-10-2009, 07:02 PM
You have good intentions, Courtney. It's all just messing around. I've exchanged many personal emails, texts, etc... with the 2 people in this thread who have posted the most about their problems (at least lately). They're good friends of mine. I think they know exactly how much I care about their well being.

A little meaningless ball busting on the internet isn't going to push them to the crazy house. ;)

BROKENDOLL
11-10-2009, 07:13 PM
WTF happened in here???
Christ, A few pages ago everybody was like giving advice and support. And, I thought to myself, "Self, go ahead...you know you have issues. These folks aren't that low that they would jump on that and continue with their gang bang...you might learn something that will help..." So I spill my guts :puke and come back to this shit?


Those with mental disorders should always stick together.
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e86/missteek/monkeys-grooming-749185.jpg
Okay, I'm not sure where the insult that started all this shit is in this picture. I saw it this morning and thought it was cute and meant that suffacated agreed that it's cool to live with another crazy person. (Me.) It never crossed my mind that it was an insult... Guess I was wrong now that I see Suffacated has admitted that it was a jab...Shame on him...


First of all, that sig is funny. The fact that you constantly egg Randy on to get him to write the shit he writes is not my fault. It's yours. And I'd bet my house that he'd write whatever he wants about you, regardless if people sig him or not.
Gee, I don't know, what level am I living on? I have a steady job that probably pays more a year than you see in three, a house that doesn't look like a wicker-infested wolfmans lair, a genius fiancee that knows how to spell his own name, an honor-roll cheerleader daughter that you probably serve fries to when we drive through town, and I've managed to get through 35 years without: putting a crystalized chemical up my nose, prostituting myself, being sentenced by any kind of judge, or bending over for a giant bulldyke in jail.
So, again, what level is this?

First of all, that sig is funny. But, sorry...I didn't egg it on. I've had Randy ignored for almost 2 weeks. Not ignored with a button, mind you. I'm just able to ignore him because he's not worth a shit to pay attention to...His material is stale. His insults are old.
As for how you got where you are after 35 years??? Medication. You said it yourself. That's why you need to use someone elses misfortune to make yourself look better...Well, that, and obviously bending over for Randy.
As for your self righteous and detailed level of living...YOU FORGOT THE PART ABOUT BEING A BIGGER AND BETTER CUNT THAN I COULD EVER BE, PRINCESS!
GET OVER YOURSELF! IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT YOU'D BE WITHOUT THE MEDICATION THAT GOT YOU THERE....a bigger cunt...

I'm not all that worried about someone that is so clearly beneath me insulting me.
That was a compliment, not an insult...

TommyboyUNM
11-10-2009, 07:29 PM
Now things are just awkward. Thanks, Bev.

Monklish
11-10-2009, 07:40 PM
I think what Captn's trying to say, BDoll, is that pretty much anyone on the board is going to be insulted if either you or Suff suggest that your relationship is similar to theirs. It's just skeevy. Accompanying it with a nonsensical picture of monkeys in that typical methhead rationale you two are such experts at communicating only makes it a dumber kind of insult.

Somewhat Damaged
11-10-2009, 08:05 PM
You have good intentions, Courtney. It's all just messing around. I've exchanged many personal emails, texts, etc... with the 2 people in this thread who have posted the most about their problems (at least lately). They're good friends of mine. I think they know exactly how much I care about their well being.

A little meaningless ball busting on the internet isn't going to push them to the crazy house. ;)

At first, I thought you were talking about Suffacated and Brokendoll and I thought, Damn, does Tommy have a schizophrenic relationship with them. :D

I guess I'd be expected to respond to either one of them in some kind but I guess I just don't really want to be embroiled in this sort of high school bullshit. I mean, for fuck's sake, if people didn't quote Brokendoll, I wouldn't even know what she says. And I'm honestly not saying that to insult you, BD, I'm sure you're a nice enough person and all, but reading your posts gets unbearable sometimes so I relieve myself of having to do it.

I guess the thing I find a little weird is that you two, who often complain about the cliquishness of this board (or at least Suffacated seems to; as has been established, I don't read Brokendoll's posts), continue to post here and deliberately antagonize other members, only to turn around and complain about the avalanche of opposition you then receive, especially when remarks you make are unprovoked. Clearly you two have had difficult lives and are probably more than a bit nuts yourselves, but when you take a jab at somebody, who you already know to be contentious, when she expresses that she's depressed, you shouldn't be surprised when she flies off the handle at you. If you expected anything different, you truly warrant the accusations of stupidity that people frequently lob your way.

Hmm, so I guess I'm embroiling myself anyway, huh? In any event, Becca & Courtney have the right idea. If this tiff needs to be furthered, it can be done so in a more appropriate thread because this one has shown itself to be a forum in which people can either lean on others for support or glean useful insight in dealing with things from people who've had similar experiences, and that gets muddied by tangents like this.

TomAz
11-10-2009, 09:02 PM
so. anybody watch Oprah today?

BROKENDOLL
11-10-2009, 09:17 PM
So...did anyone even bother reading my post before this shitstorm occurred? If anybody probably needs medication around this place, don't you think it would be me, God Dammit??? Instead, I'm left wondering why somebody with the big house, the honor student for a child, and 3x more money than I, is depressed enough for medication, and if they didn't have it, where would we stand then when it came to comparing lives? I would never compare my life to anyone elses, and I wouldn't wish for or deny mine from anyone either.And more importantly, I certainly wouldn't claim any superiority over anyones elses life for the sake of feeling better about the one I just happen to have.

Monklish
11-10-2009, 09:18 PM
The only medication you need is cyanide, Bdoll.

BROKENDOLL
11-10-2009, 09:18 PM
so. anybody watch Oprah today?
Get real, Tom, this is Jerry Springer shit if I ever saw it!

algunz
11-10-2009, 09:56 PM
Now I remember why I was doing a half-ass Anne Frank on you all.

captncrzy
11-11-2009, 07:21 AM
The only medication you need is cyanide, Bdoll.

Need is the word here. I have a diagnosed medical condition that requires medication. Bdoll's too fucking dumb to understand that you can't "snap out of" SDS, regardless of your current living situation.

Just remember, your boyfriend started all of this with the trolling, not me.

And yeah, I'm fat. Congratulations on being able to point out the obvious. Seriously, I'm done with this. For the most part, I've left you both alone and would appreciate it if you would just do the same for me.

chairmenmeow47
11-11-2009, 07:39 AM
Now I remember why I was doing a half-ass Anne Frank on you all.

so you have a crush on one of them and write boring diary entries about how ze germans are after you?

TomAz
11-11-2009, 07:40 AM
BD needs to snap out of posting stupid shit.

rskapcat
11-11-2009, 08:01 AM
Tom, that would require BD to consider "Will what I have to say contribute anything relevant to this discussion?" before posting. I don't see that happening.

Look at me trying to use reason on a message board. Crazy talk.

captncrzy
11-11-2009, 08:11 AM
You're losing it Becca.

TomAz
11-11-2009, 08:11 AM
I would like to respond to your post Becca with a crudely designed, garish, mildly offensive but mostly just stupid photoshop, but I don't have time right now.

amyzzz
11-11-2009, 09:10 AM
I'm done. I finally added a couple more people to my ignore list.

BROKENDOLL
11-11-2009, 11:03 AM
Obviously, nobody read my post prior to the shitstorm yesterday. Instead of offering insight into councelling or the need for medication based upon my questions, you've once again turned something into a BD gang bang. What started off as wondering if meds would make a difference for me has me now wondering what everybody would be like without their meds.

rskapcat
11-11-2009, 11:14 AM
Obviously, nobody read my post prior to the shitstorm yesterday. Instead of offering insight into councelling or the need for medication based upon my questions, you've once again turned something into a BD gang bang. What started off as wondering if meds would make a difference for me has me now wondering what everybody would be like without their meds.

Beverly, I don't think anti-depressants would be of much benefit to you. Pills can't fix circumstances, unfortunately. But I do think you would benefit from talking your issues out with a therapist, preferably one who isn't prescription-happy. Though I don't think any amount of therapy will mend your relationship with your father, talking your issues out with an unbiased party might help you come to terms with the situation and be able to move on.

HunterGather
11-11-2009, 09:10 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v204/mental_picture/lulz/35dc1hz.gif

Young blood
11-11-2009, 09:11 PM
haha i love more everyday.

BROKENDOLL
11-11-2009, 09:29 PM
haha i love more everyday.
Go Fuck Yourself, Youngblood. Like your mentor, the bullshit has gotten old and stale...

Young blood
11-11-2009, 09:39 PM
hey, old whore, thats right I am addressing you, feel special, I read your post, no one gives a shit what you post. It must be a bitch that no one wants to hire a put up wet, ridden hard, meth head.

HunterGather
11-11-2009, 09:40 PM
http://i34.tinypic.com/2dm5iqo.jpg

BROKENDOLL
11-11-2009, 10:01 PM
Apparently, all it takes in life is to have a hook for a hand to be a big shot. Oh, well...

Young blood
11-11-2009, 10:04 PM
It takes integrity and intelligence in which you lack, hence the ignorance shown daily. Keep on suckin' ol'troll.

algunz
11-12-2009, 11:51 PM
so you have a crush on one of them and write boring diary entries about how ze germans are after you?

Yes, I'm struggling with my adolescent hormones and am planning my escape. :)

algunz
11-12-2009, 11:52 PM
There was no sarcasm smelt there.

Failed State
11-13-2009, 02:27 AM
im on 50 mg of celexa daily and 4 mg of lorazapam.... life sucks

locachica73
11-13-2009, 07:58 AM
I know better than to ask for medical advice on the internet but I have a question and I figure half of you are on meds so you might be able to help...

I use to be on lexepro and if I remember right they started me off on 5mg and worked me up to 20mg, which I have at home still because I got to the point of feeling numb and didn't want to take them anymore. I have been thinking I might need to go back on them but my insurance kind of sucks and I don't really have a doctor at the moment. I know I can't just jump on 20mg and don't really want to get back to that big of a dose. But the 10mg dose seemed to be perfect.

My question is, can I just cut the 20mg tabs in half and take them or is there some time release type thing with these that would fuck that up?

Monklish
11-13-2009, 08:00 AM
Are they solid pills or capsules? If they're solid pills you can cut them in half. Capsules not so easy.

rskapcat
11-13-2009, 08:02 AM
Loca, I did a cursory google search...looks like you're safe cutting Lexapro in half. It's been so long since I've been on Celexa (Lexapro's daddy) that I can't remember what my doc told me about cutting them in half, though.

locachica73
11-13-2009, 08:03 AM
They are solid... I figured you would know the answer. Thanks man. I wonder if jumping straight to 10 instead of doing 5 for a week like they did when I first started will be an issue. I think they just do that to make sure they don't make you sick though so I should probably be fine.

Monklish
11-13-2009, 08:06 AM
Yeah I wouldn't be worried. If 10 mg doesn't make you ill the first day you take it it likely won't give you any trouble.

TomAz
11-13-2009, 08:26 AM
come on audra. just snap out of it. Do some exercise and set your mind right. You don't need pills.

locachica73
11-13-2009, 08:31 AM
lol... yeah, a walk around the block will help me not want to stab people in the throat. actually Nick and I have been talking about joining the gym as well. I just know with the holidays coming up and money issues and family issues it will be a rough time. I am already starting to feel it bog me down, I get stuck in my own head a lot, always expecting the worst of any situation, and it just keeps getting more noticeable each day. I just need a little happy pill to get me through the holidays, I am not a big fan of pills but know they are needed at times, along with that walk around the block. :)

TomAz
11-13-2009, 08:42 AM
bZrZZtxtQNo

Young blood
11-13-2009, 08:43 AM
You know what solves all of life's problems? Money.

locachica73
11-13-2009, 08:47 AM
Not all but it helps most. I can't imagine life without stressing about money though.

JustSteve
11-13-2009, 09:21 AM
bZrZZtxtQNo

impressive. setting up 2077 frames would drive me crazy.

marooko
11-15-2009, 09:45 PM
I'm freaking out as of late. I'm not enjoying it at all. Can't find work. Haven't gotten unemployment. Bank account hasn't had a + in about a month. I don't even know enough people to sell my weed to. But hey, tomorrow another day, right? Fuck.

algunz
11-15-2009, 09:48 PM
Shit, maroo. I'm sorry and yes tomorrow is another day. Chin up. Go ride your bike, maybe it'll make you feel better.

marooko
11-15-2009, 09:51 PM
I think I might. Crappy part is, I don't even have anyone to ride with. Fuck man. I wanna go crazy. Trying not to. The anxiety and depression has been killing me. I haven't been sleeping or eating too great. Just all around bummed out. Fucking crazy.

algunz
11-15-2009, 09:59 PM
The beauty of any trail is that sometimes it's best alone, but there's always the potential for encountering somebody interesting. Go to a bike shop, make some friends, maybe even get a job. The biking network is thick with good souls and random opportunity.

I hope you feel better.

Monklish
11-15-2009, 09:59 PM
What happened with your unemployment?

marooko
11-15-2009, 10:01 PM
Well, I had it while we were on work share, but then I got laid off indefinitely. Re-applied and they've been fucking lagging HARD. I"m beginning to think very negatively.

marooko
11-15-2009, 10:02 PM
Makes me regret keeping on the straight and narrow. I've lost many connections.

Monklish
11-15-2009, 10:05 PM
Dude, you might want to keep on them about it. Sometimes shit just gets stuck somewhere and they forget about it. In my experience unemployment gets processed pretty fucking quick if you're diligent about staying on top of the process.

marooko
11-15-2009, 10:18 PM
Supposedly this week I should be getting something, but at this point it's gonna be a drop in the bucket.

Monklish
11-15-2009, 10:28 PM
Why? Shouldn't you qualify for the max in CA or close enough? That's like 450 a week or so, isn't it? How expensive of a lifestyle can you have?

marooko
11-15-2009, 10:49 PM
Not that it's expensive, it's that I haven't had income in a month or more. Maybe I'm just down. Need to chill, but it's just tough right now.

BROKENDOLL
11-15-2009, 11:24 PM
I'm freaking out as of late. I'm not enjoying it at all. Can't find work. Haven't gotten unemployment. Bank account hasn't had a + in about a month. I don't even know enough people to sell my weed to. But hey, tomorrow another day, right? Fuck.

Well, I had it while we were on work share, but then I got laid off indefinitely. Re-applied and they've been fucking lagging HARD. I"m beginning to think very negatively.
Wow, Marooko, I know how it is. I've been in that boat since the weekend before Coachella. Let me ask you, what exactly is work share? Is that like a partial unemployment or something your employer arranges? And my other question is weren't you just unemployed like maybe a month or so ago? Had you opened a new claim then, (during the work share) and then another new claim after the work share ended?

BROKENDOLL
11-15-2009, 11:40 PM
The reason I ask is because when I was "told to go home and my check would be sent," I wasn't really sure whether or not I had been fired or just sent home for the night. I still called EDD to open a new claim and that's when I learned that you can only open a new claim once a year. You can re-open an existing one that you finish before a new one can begin.Trust me...the simplest things need to be made very clear, and hopefully in one phonecall. I'm sure you know how fucking easy it is to get through per phonecall...$#@%!! If you ended up having to talk to more than one person, chances are good there's some confusion...

PineapplePete
11-16-2009, 03:15 AM
ADD meds are pretty worthless. insomnia sucks.

TheWatcher
11-16-2009, 06:23 AM
I'm sure you know how fucking easy it is to get through per phonecall...$#@%!!

So it's possible to get through to EDD via phone? Every time I call there is like 4 minutes of crap I have to listen to, then when I get to the point where I can select to talk to a person, it says they are too busy to answer my call, bye! Is there a certain time of day when it's possible to get through?

I'm on my 2nd extension, still can't find work, and not sure if I qualify for the 3rd extension, does it expire at the end of this year?

I think they are just overworked, but they keep sending me strange things and I wanted to ask about it. But, can't get through so I am just waiting to see what happens.

locachica73
11-16-2009, 07:25 AM
Marooko, even if they take awhile to approve your claim they will go back and cover the time in between from the day you filed your claim minus your waiting week. So if it has been 4 weeks from when you filed then you should get 3 weeks worth of benifits if they approve it this week.

marooko
11-16-2009, 07:45 AM
Collecting is making me feel like shit as well.

locachica73
11-16-2009, 07:51 AM
As long as your still out looking and not settleing for the small amount you get then there is no reason to feel badly about collecting unemployement. You have paid into that fund for all of your working life. There are people out in the world who collect every year due to seasonal work, they don't ever feel bad about it. My brother actually is happy with the money he makes on unemployment because his girlfriend supports him so all he has to support is his drinking habit, which $265/week barely does. That is when you need to feel badly.

marooko
11-16-2009, 07:58 AM
Thank you, Loca.

faxman75
11-16-2009, 08:04 AM
I'm continue to suprise myself with how much this is effecting me. I went to lunch with a good friend on Saturday and ended up breaking down crying in the middle of a restaurant. Holy shit i'm uber emotional at this point. It made me feel weak, vulnerable and like something was seriously wrong with me. I feel so dramatic and silly. Not many things more embarassing than breaking down in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Usually my eyes fill with water but I can keep it under control but this was full on river flow.

I'm getting more irritated by my last session the more I think about it. Why the fuck would she go straight to suggesting antidepressents before telling me to try and quite smoking weed and maybe exercise or some shit? I'm of the impression that I know what I need to do and maybe this therapy is more of a crutch or an excuse than anything else to not move forward or progress until each issue comes up in therapy. What a bullshit weekend this was. On top of that I finally gave in and decided to accept an invitation from my exes boyfriend to come bowling with him and Connor. I figured that was turning over a new leaf and that since me and him are pretty similar and he tries to invite me places all of the time and bend over backwards to make me feel welcome everywhere, I would stop making excuses. Then he never called and I never heard from anyone. Should I have called? Maybe. I dunno, there is also the drama aspect of what is currently going on with these people that I want zero to do with so I figure some shit probably went down or something and I would rather not know.

It really bothers me that I get so emotional. I hate feeling like i'm falling apart and can't keep it together. Especially in public. I don't know that I have ever done that before.



marooko, hang in there man. As loca said don't get stressed about taking from the pot you chipped into. I have a few friends who have been out of work since January and still haven't found anything but have picked up low paying part time gigs to try and make it. It's fucking rough out there.

locachica73
11-16-2009, 08:18 AM
Mark, Not all docs do that. I went to see my therapist for about 2 months before we finally decided that I needed medication. Mostly because I had so many seperate issues, mother issues, father issues, kid issued, man issues, etc. that it was really hard to focus on one thing at a time, which lead me to jump all over the board in our sessions. All of the current stuff was taking priority even though the current stuff wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have the past stuff weighing down at the same time. But in order to focus on what really needed to be fixed I needed something to help me through the current stuff which was the lexepro.

I also don't see anything wrong with taking a pill when your sick, depression is an illness, if you have an infection you take an antibiotic, why feel badly for taking a pill that will make it easier to get out of bed. As long as you are still trying to fix the issues and not just cover them then why feel badly?

faxman75
11-16-2009, 08:37 AM
Oh I don't have any guilt over taking a pill and I definitely believe medication can be helpful. I just don't think I need it ..... not yet at least. I would think putting someone on a chemical would be a last resort. I'm fairly confident myself that I just need to own up to some responsibilities, exercise a bit and quit smoking weed and there could be dramatic improvements. In a way I feel like i'm tantruming or feeling sorry for myelf for the situation I got myself into. Like wah wah wah, life is so unfair. It's like cards, you don't get to just trade for two new ones if you don't like what you were dealt, you hope you don't have any tells and suck it up and play it to the best of your ability.

I forgot to mention when I told the therapist I didn't want to go on anti depressents just yet she then started to half heartedly suggest St. Johns wart but said it would take 4-6 weeks to work and she felt i needed a more urgent faster working medication.

I'm starting to get things now though. I need to take control of situations rather than act like a victim or someone who has been wronged in some way. Just because I didn't create this entire situation by myself doesn't mean it's not my responsibility to own up to it and take this and the rest of like by the horns and act like an adult. Something I certainly don't feel like at all.

locachica73
11-16-2009, 08:46 AM
One thing I am going to say though is that if you don't feel like your therapist is listening to what it is you want and is pushing her own agenda then find a new one. Therapy is one of those things that you have to have full faith in who your seeing for it to work. If you have doubt in the person then look for another, if not you will waste your time and hers.

faxman75
11-16-2009, 08:54 AM
Yeah, I won't stick with someone I don't agree with but I figure it's only been one session and why give up so quick. I'll give it another shot or two at least. Next appointment is this Friday.

Monklish
11-16-2009, 09:29 AM
You're right, why would you need medication just because you're breaking down crying in public and have no idea why?

faxman75
11-16-2009, 09:33 AM
You're right, why would you need medication just because you're breaking down crying in public and have no idea why?

Exactly...wait what, I thought I established I was just being a big baby? You don't think a lot of this behavior might go away if I just made some difficult decisions and stopped smoking weed or is that me just trivializing something more serious? Fuuuuck.

TomAz
11-16-2009, 09:41 AM
I'm starting to get things now though. I need to take control of situations rather than act like a victim or someone who has been wronged in some way. Just because I didn't create this entire situation by myself doesn't mean it's not my responsibility to own up to it and take this and the rest of like by the horns and act like an adult. Something I certainly don't feel like at all.

This is good and this is bad.

It is good in that it will be helpful to take control

It is bad because you seem to have a 'I'm going to snap out of it' mindset which (as I and many others have stated previously) is flawed.

You're under a lot of stress. You have a lot of shit to work through. As you work through them with your therapist you will unearth all sorts of stuff and it will be hard and painful and extremely emotional. It is time well spent.

Also, if you are angry at your therapist, you might consider what emotions the anger is masking and how they tie into the reasons you went and saw the therapist to begin with. You exhibit classic depression symptoms and the therapist suggests medication to help manage the symptoms -- that seems reasonable and appropriate and not worth getting angry over just because you disagree.

locachica73
11-16-2009, 09:50 AM
Mark, why is it that you think weed is adding to your depression? It actually makes me happier, although I don't do it all the time. But when I do it makes me laugh my ass off which makes me feel so much better about things. Does weed not make you laugh and be silly? Am I the only one that still giggles like a school girl when high?

bug on your lip
11-16-2009, 09:50 AM
Pauly Shore makes me depressed

so weed is not always a positive

faxman75
11-16-2009, 10:17 AM
Mark, why is it that you think weed is adding to your depression? It actually makes me happier, although I don't do it all the time. But when I do it makes me laugh my ass off which makes me feel so much better about things. Does weed not make you laugh and be silly? Am I the only one that still giggles like a school girl when high?

Weed definitely makes me laugh and silly. It also works wonders when i have nothing to do and i'm completely boared.

I just think there is more to life than playing video games, watching tv and surfing the internet every night and smoking weed makes me somewhat comfortable with all of the nothing I do. It absolutely makes me laugh and giggle and many times i'm laughing so hard I can't even breath. So sure, it does all those fun things but it most definitely makes me lazy, apathetic, settle for less, remain indecisive about things. When i'm stressed and don't want to think about things or obsess I certainly "smoke away" those thoughts and put on music and so on and so forth but I'm no longer in any denial about how I abuse it and how that abuse effects certain moods and decisions or whatever.

Tom, I have thought of that. In fact the second I started to say I disagree and it pisses me off my first instinct was that I was just rationalizing an escape plan for this whole thing. It's just one of several excuses that i know I will have for not going at some point. This is why i will continue to go.

I quit most everything I attempt and spend far too much time feeling sorry for myself.

I thought I was justified in being anti-medication this early on. I wonder why i'm so resistant to this idea. It might be a moral conflict because I think too many people are on medication that don't need to be or something. I still have a lot to learn about myself.

TheWatcher
11-16-2009, 10:44 AM
I think it's OK to be wary of medication. You have to weigh the side effects of the medication with the benefits. It seems like many times medication is pushed onto people that might be better off without it.

marooko
11-16-2009, 11:12 AM
So it's possible to get through to EDD via phone? Every time I call there is like 4 minutes of crap I have to listen to, then when I get to the point where I can select to talk to a person, it says they are too busy to answer my call, bye! Is there a certain time of day when it's possible to get through?

I'm on my 2nd extension, still can't find work, and not sure if I qualify for the 3rd extension, does it expire at the end of this year?

I think they are just overworked, but they keep sending me strange things and I wanted to ask about it. But, can't get through so I am just waiting to see what happens.

I've gotten through. Best to call ASAP in the morning. May take several tries, but that's your best bet.

Monklish
11-16-2009, 11:18 AM
Exactly...wait what, I thought I established I was just being a big baby? You don't think a lot of this behavior might go away if I just made some difficult decisions and stopped smoking weed or is that me just trivializing something more serious? Fuuuuck.

I've never known weed to make someone burst into tears in the middle of the day. Were you high when it happened?

Also, I'd like to revisit the retarded son of the ex-girlfriend issue. Are you fucking telling me that there's some other guy taking care of the kid, thus relieving you of the responsibility, and you're still conflicted about this dumb shit in some way?

DUDE. You have some kind of crazy, criminal ex-girlfriend who also happens to have a mentally challenged son. Thankfully though she's your EX girlfriend, and even better there's another sucker in place to be saddled with the responsibilities of dealing with her bullshit as well as the mongloid kid.

What the fuck are you upset about? Count your blessings and move on.

faxman75
11-16-2009, 11:40 AM
I've never known weed to make someone burst into tears in the middle of the day. Were you high when it happened?

No, I was sober.



Also, I'd like to revisit the retarded son of the ex-girlfriend issue. Are you fucking telling me that there's some other guy taking care of the kid, thus relieving you of the responsibility, and you're still conflicted about this dumb shit in some way?

DUDE. You have some kind of crazy, criminal ex-girlfriend who also happens to have a mentally challenged son. Thankfully though she's your EX girlfriend, and even better there's another sucker in place to be saddled with the responsibilities of dealing with her bullshit as well as the mongloid kid.

What the fuck are you upset about? Count your blessings and move on.

:lool he's not a mongoloid, his issues are more along the bi-polar/anxiety/adhd kind.

This is the crux of my dilemma. I was so happy the relationship was over, I never was able to man up and really sort out or deal with how to deal with the child issue so when she would scream something like "how are you going to tell your son" or "you would still want to be in his life, right". I had no balls to say no because A) I had an attachment to the kid, since I was the one who interacted with him the most and I was dad for 4 years and he had no other male father figure in his life and B) I was so happy to be free I didn't seem to care that I lost my balls in the relationship and it made sense that I would want to continue be part of his life.

I guess what i'm saying is i'm in too deep now and I have too much emotionally invested. This brings great guilt to me as well. Even thinking about the possibility of me not being a part of his life at this point destroys me inside, what kind of person would that make me to run from this now...I don't get how biological fathers can even do this, it turns my stomach to think about leaving him for good. I have made him my resonsibility to an extent but I can't figure out to what extent I want that to be. The way this all went down and how I feel like a victim in all of this bothers me as well. It's all different weaknesses and it makes it hard for me to figure out how I really feel.

This is where I broke down in the restaurant. While explaining how I had no balls to figure out anything when it went down and I let her dictate to me and then explaining how i'm the only chance the kid has since he's surrounded by so much drama. He has even told me that he doesn't care what arrangement we have as long as he gets to come over every single week. At this point I would be in worse shape if he was gone from my life completely or at the very least I don't see that as something I would be able to deal with.

Monklish
11-16-2009, 11:54 AM
I don't mean this as cruel as it sounds, but the reason you started crying is you see yourself in the retarded kid.

locachica73
11-16-2009, 11:59 AM
One of my big frustrations with women (and some men) is exactly this Mark. I have never understood how single mothers (or fathers if that is the case) bring people into their childrens lives and then when things don't work out that person disappears. It is so fucking hard on the kid. So instead of feeling badly about the situation you should look at yourself and give yourself a pat on the back. There are not many men out there who would do that unfortunately. Most men, once they realize the relationship with the mother is going to fail will just dump the kid like nothing. Kids need stability and it looks like you are offering that to this kid who doesn't get it anywhere else, and for that I applaud you. It's a rough road but one worth taking I think. For the kids sake.

faxman75
11-16-2009, 12:03 PM
I don't mean this as cruel as it sounds, but the reason you started crying is you see yourself in the retarded kid.


Ah, so now maybe you have hit into something. Yep, patterns. He's being raised essentially the way I was. My mom had the abusive men she chose after my real dad. My real dad moved away when I was around 7-8 years old. My grandfather kind of took over and would take me everywhere and do everything with me and spent all the quality time. For a while his grandfather did the same until he went back to jail.

So I have daddy issues and want to be a better dad to him than mine was to me.

Still-ill
11-16-2009, 12:04 PM
interesting.

Monklish
11-16-2009, 12:05 PM
Pretty much. Is he fat too? I bet he's really fat.

Okay, sorry, had to. But now you know what you need to talk to the therapist about in order to be able to have a healthy role in this kid's life.

Monklish
11-16-2009, 12:07 PM
Also, I'd like to point out that little moment right there to Passive and Tommy. That is exactly what I mean when I say a half decent psychiatrist doesn't need to treat each individual like an individual. I don't know Fax from fuck, but I could've told you all about his childhood right there. Passive, you dumb fat fuck.

faxman75
11-16-2009, 12:07 PM
So instead of feeling badly about the situation you should look at yourself and give yourself a pat on the back.

I can do that but I just don't like crying the whole time I congratulate myself. I also find it hard to congratulate myself when I constantly think "oh my what have I gotten myself into". I know what i'm doing is a good thing and I know both me and him can benefit from this but i'm stuck on the whole "how did this happen to me" part of it. I mean, I know how it happened but i'm reacting like i'm a victim.

TomAz
11-16-2009, 12:09 PM
Also, I'd like to point out that little moment right there to Passive and Tommy. That is exactly what I mean when I say a half decent psychiatrist doesn't need to treat each individual like an individual. I don't know Fax from fuck, but I could've told you all about his childhood right there. Passive, you dumb fat fuck.

Every sentence in this paragraph is correct.

faxman75
11-16-2009, 12:11 PM
Pretty much. Is he fat too? I bet he's really fat.

Looks just like me. It's kind of creepy. His face may be a tad slimmer but his belly is a bit rounder at this point. It's been a few years since i've seen him in person though. :)

Monklish
11-16-2009, 12:12 PM
Wait, what the fuck? It's been years since you've seen him?

faxman75
11-16-2009, 12:15 PM
Yep. Last time I saw my dad was when my sister (daughter from his second marriage) got married in 2005. My sister just had a baby a few months ago and i'm planning another visit in the near future. I seem to make it out to visit them whenever she has a major life event. The last visit was for her high school graduation. It's about once every 4 years. I talk to him on the phone maybe 1-2 times a year.

Monklish
11-16-2009, 12:17 PM
I didn't mean your dad, I meant the retard kid.

faxman75
11-16-2009, 12:21 PM
I didn't mean your dad, I meant the retard kid.

He's tiny. Underweight and short. His doctor says it has to do with the conditions in which he was born. He came out a premie (sp?). He's 11 years old and weighs like 50 lbs and is easily the shortest kid in his grade. He's the size of most 3rd graders.

BROKENDOLL
11-16-2009, 12:25 PM
So it's possible to get through to EDD via phone? Every time I call there is like 4 minutes of crap I have to listen to, then when I get to the point where I can select to talk to a person, it says they are too busy to answer my call, bye! Is there a certain time of day when it's possible to get through?

I'm on my 2nd extension, still can't find work, and not sure if I qualify for the 3rd extension, does it expire at the end of this year?

I think they are just overworked, but they keep sending me strange things and I wanted to ask about it. But, can't get through so I am just waiting to see what happens.
It is possible to get through to EDD, but be prepared for anxiety, depression and mental health issues in the meantime. (Kidding.) I've found that first thing in the AM or just before their offices close. (Not too close. Say 4:30-ish) And I was serious about trying to get it all done in 1 phonecall to avoid the clusterfuck that can occur by having conflicting responses from different people. (I seriously had to wonder what qualifications you need for a job there. I was convinced any idiot could work for EDD.)

And, Marooko, I just re-read your original post where you mentioned the work share and collecting, then re-applying again when you were indefinitely laid off. Indefinitely laid off doesn't prevent you from collecting unemployment, but if you re-applied thinking you had to, they may be all confused because technically, you were only supposed to open the claim you had with the work share deal. Loca mentioned the seasonal employees, which is what I've been for over 5 years or so. Each and every season I've encountered bullshit of some sort or another. Afew summers ago I still worked 1 day a week for the club, and got paid every 2 weeks for it. Unfortunately, my check and the forms I needed to send back to EDD in a timely manner, weren't on the same schedule so I'd have to wait until I got the actual check to give them the actual figures or they'd just send shit back to re-do. (That had alot to do with our own stupid assed tip system at the club.)

Are you located anywhere near an EDD office? If so, go in person and inquire. I'm really thinking you may have 2 different claims going and it's screwing them up with their system. In the meantime, remembver, you are not alone...

JustSteve
11-16-2009, 12:35 PM
So much for getting out of the hospital today, as planned. If my doc had it his way I'd probably be here through the Holiday :( I now have a bronchoscopy scheduled for Thursday because he is concerned about a couple things he saw on a ct scan of my lungs so he wants to go in and have an actual look/clean them out. So now the plan is to do that, get out Friday and finish up my course of i.v.'s at home so I can go to my cousin's wedding that night in Laguna and then head up north early next week to Danville for Thanksgiving with family.

And the Them Crooked Vultures show tomorrow? I will be going to that no matter what anyone says, I need an f'ing break from this!, goddammit.

I am not sure how I am not a regular poster in the mental health thread, you would think with all this shit going on that I would be seriously fucked in the head.

Sad thing is, all this shit I go through is normal to me.

I do feel a little depression coming on, though, my disease really takes a lot out of my physically and emotionally. I have been away from my family for a week now. Due to flu season kids are not allowed to visit the hospital. My girlfriend has a nasty cough right now, too, so she needs to keep away from here.

fuck.

thanks for letting me vent, coachella board.

amyzzz
11-16-2009, 12:41 PM
Hang in there, Steve.

JustSteve
11-16-2009, 12:49 PM
tryin'. just had the nurse call my doc so i can get something to numb me up for a bit, so upset i am shaking right now.

BROKENDOLL
11-16-2009, 01:07 PM
First off, you all need to know that it's taking everything I have right now to keep my thoughts to myself in regards to the obnoxiousness in some of the posts here. But, anyway...


No, I was sober.
:lool he's not a mongoloid, his issues are more along the bi-polar/anxiety/adhd kind.
This is the crux of my dilemma. I was so happy the relationship was over, I never was able to man up and really sort out or deal with how to deal with the child issue so when she would scream something like "how are you going to tell your son" or "you would still want to be in his life, right". I had no balls to say no because A) I had an attachment to the kid, since I was the one who interacted with him the most and I was dad for 4 years and he had no other male father figure in his life and B) I was so happy to be free I didn't seem to care that I lost my balls in the relationship and it made sense that I would want to continue be part of his life.

I guess what i'm saying is i'm in too deep now and I have too much emotionally invested. This brings great guilt to me as well. Even thinking about the possibility of me not being a part of his life at this point destroys me inside, what kind of person would that make me to run from this now...I don't get how biological fathers can even do this, it turns my stomach to think about leaving him for good. I have made him my resonsibility to an extent but I can't figure out to what extent I want that to be. The way this all went down and how I feel like a victim in all of this bothers me as well. It's all different weaknesses and it makes it hard for me to figure out how I really feel.

This is where I broke down in the restaurant. While explaining how I had no balls to figure out anything when it went down and I let her dictate to me and then explaining how i'm the only chance the kid has since he's surrounded by so much drama. He has even told me that he doesn't care what arrangement we have as long as he gets to come over every single week. At this point I would be in worse shape if he was gone from my life completely or at the very least I don't see that as something I would be able to deal with.
Mark, don't let anyone tell you that what you're doing for Connor is wrong. And obviously what you're doing for him is benefitting yourself in a sense...You just don't see it all now because I'm sure the therapist has dug up memories or experiences from your past, and maybe you're getting them mixed in with the separate issues involving Connor.

And while I may have been misunderstood the other day here about my feelings on medication, I'm like you in a sense that I'm uncertain if they would actually help with my issues. (Probably has to do with the fact that I may not even be aware of all my issues.) I'm sure the outbreak in the restaraunt was due to the fact that you've never really opened up to someone before. Or, atleast someone who wants to dig further. Shit that probably hadn't really crossed your mind has now been exposed for you and yeah, that may justify the pain you felt that day. I'm not saying to let it go as a weird occurance, but be prepared after more sessions that you will be facing more dilemnas and bringing them out...then maybe consider the elective in medications.


Ah, so now maybe you have hit into something. Yep, patterns. He's being raised essentially the way I was. My mom had the abusive men she chose after my real dad. My real dad moved away when I was around 7-8 years old. My grandfather kind of took over and would take me everywhere and do everything with me and spent all the quality time. For a while his grandfather did the same until he went back to jail.

So I have daddy issues and want to be a better dad to him than mine was to me.
This is why then that Connor is as good for you as you are for him. You are being the better dad, and at the same time, even though it's bringing up memories of your past that may be negative, you're actually coming face to face with them. While they may hurt, try thinking how much pain Connor may avoid in life because of you being there for him.

I have the utmost respect for what you're doing and I wish you the best in omitting the demons that are interfering and making you question your abilities. You're so much a better human that those that find humor in kicking someone when they're down.

locachica73
11-16-2009, 01:15 PM
tryin'. just had the nurse call my doc so i can get something to numb me up for a bit, so upset i am shaking right now.

The longest amount of time I have ever had to spend in a hospital was 5 days and it was so fucking miserable. And already being miserable due to poor health just added to the depression. Plus having nurses coming in and waking you every few hours adds to it even more. I can't imagine going through that for months or years on end. I am sorry to read your back in and I truly hope they can find a way to get you out for the holidays.

BROKENDOLL
11-16-2009, 01:18 PM
I am not sure how I am not a regular poster in the mental health thread, you would think with all this shit going on that I would be seriously fucked in the head.

I'm sure it's because what you're going through healthwise has caused you to appreciate the good things in life, as well as life itself. Like you said, it's normal to you. Ask many of us how we'd handle your situation, and I'm guessing, including myself...not as well as you are because we tend to take simple things for granted in life...like our health. Don't change up on us now!

Monklish
11-16-2009, 01:34 PM
Fax, just as a general rule I'd recommend that you do pretty much exactly the opposite of anything BDoll says.

Steve, I don't know how you do it. How do you afford all this shit to begin with?

JustSteve
11-16-2009, 01:48 PM
How do I do it? I have 2 amazing kids that I need/want to be here for, plain and simple. It's crazy because something like 99.6% of men with CF cannot have kids naturally because they are missing some plumbing down low. I am in the .4% so I see it as something that was meant to be. I also get to be a stay at home dad, so the joy they bring far outweighs any negatives I experience.

Affording it? Very fortunate that my father continues to cover all my medical costs(monthly premiums, deductibles, meds, co-pays, etc) even as I am about to turn 32. I am also still covered under my mother's insurance since I was declared disabled before I was 23(I think that is the cutoff). As long as she is working I am covered. So I have great PPO coverage and supplement it with MediCal/Caid/whatever that I get because I receive Social Security Disability. Can't use that exclusively, though, because I live in Orange County and that would require me to see doctors there. My whole medical team is located in Long Beach. Somehow it works out that anything Aetna doesn't cover is picked up by the MediCal, even though I am out of network technically.

Monklish
11-16-2009, 01:49 PM
Well those are pretty good reasons. Good god though.

locachica73
11-16-2009, 01:55 PM
That is great that you are fully covered by insurance. My first visit to the hospital was before my cobra paperwork had gone through. I actually had to see the bill even though insurance ended up covering most of it. 4 days in the hospital, with all the tests they ran was about $18,000. I got seperate bills for each doc as well and the imaging places. The second time around I was in there a day longer and had to have a lot more testing/procedures done, including the pic line and the stupid tube from my nose to my stomach that I nearly killed the bitches over. So I am guessing that bill was almost double.

BROKENDOLL
11-16-2009, 01:56 PM
http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb98/Hanzou_Masamori/JesusHatesYou-1.jpg

BROKENDOLL
11-16-2009, 02:04 PM
How do I do it? I have 2 amazing kids that I need/want to be here for, plain and simple. It's crazy because something like 99.6% of men with CF cannot have kids naturally because they are missing some plumbing down low. I am in the .4% so I see it as something that was meant to be. I also get to be a stay at home dad, so the joy they bring far outweighs any negatives I experience.

Affording it? Very fortunate that my father continues to cover all my medical costs(monthly premiums, deductibles, meds, co-pays, etc) even as I am about to turn 32. I am also still covered under my mother's insurance since I was declared disabled before I was 23(I think that is the cutoff). As long as she is working I am covered. So I have great PPO coverage and supplement it with MediCal/Caid/whatever that I get because I receive Social Security Disability. Can't use that exclusively, though, because I live in Orange County and that would require me to see doctors there. My whole medical team is located in Long Beach. Somehow it works out that anything Aetna doesn't cover is picked up by the MediCal, even though I am out of network technically.
Pretty sure with as often as you've had to go inand the fact that it's ongoing, you pretrty much clear the deductible for the most part and then get covered for 100%, right? (Atleast I hope so!)
I'm not one to rush to a doctor for anything, and when I had insurance, even when I did go, I never came close to any deductibles each year. Now I'm looking into atleast what they call catastrophic coverage. I'm still not sure what the limits are that establish what catstrophic is though.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 11:53 AM
Today was my third session. It last less than 15 minutes. I told her I felt great after my trip to Europe and had developed some boundaries and have been a good mood lately. She said I don't need any more appointments and I should just call her if I get any more anxiety or feel overwhelmed by any of the situations I have told her about previously.

So, session 1 she is telling me to go on meds and session 3 she says her work is done.

That was valuable.

amyzzz
12-04-2009, 11:55 AM
You told her you felt great...

Monklish
12-04-2009, 12:00 PM
That's going in the diss thread.

locachica73
12-04-2009, 12:03 PM
I'd find a new therapist.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 12:23 PM
You told her you felt great...

I did. We were talking about how I currently feel. I have been feeling good since the beginning of the trip which is exactly what I told her.

locachica73
12-04-2009, 12:44 PM
But everyone feels great after a vacation. thats just kooky.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 12:52 PM
But everyone feels great after a vacation. thats just kooky.

Exactly. Outside of that I told her I feel more comfortable dealing with Connor's mom and have less anxiety. She said I should try to plan trips once a month to get away. She said that's a healthy way of dealing with stressful issues.

I addressed the amount of activities I do away from home in my first session as possibly something I do to run away from problems or to avoid dealing with stress. She seems to think it's a healthy thing to do.

I was kinda baffled by her dismissive behavior today but I decided to let it go because after all i'm in a good mood and don't feel like arguing with a therapist.

amyzzz
12-04-2009, 12:55 PM
Maybe you're overanalyzing. If it makes you feel good for a while and isn't hurting anyone, why do you think it's bad to go on trips?

locachica73
12-04-2009, 12:59 PM
because leaving once a month to forget your problems doesn't make the problems go away. Any therapist who suggests that is a quack if you ask me. Especially considering going on a trip once a month may sound like a fun idea, but it costs money, and money issues only add to stress...

amyzzz
12-04-2009, 01:00 PM
I said if it wasn't hurting anyone. If he can't afford to go on the trips, then he probably shouldn't go.

edit: I think the therapist is saying that taking time off to RELAX and forget about stress is a good thing.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 01:03 PM
Maybe you're overanalyzing. If it makes you feel good for a while and isn't hurting anyone, why do you think it's bad to go on trips?

I don't think it's bad to go on trips. It was something I simply wondered aloud to the therapist and it was never addressed. I may be over analyzing as well but you have already told me more than she has.

ETA: that is exactly what she was saying Amy. Taking time off to relax and get away is very good.

That's not my issue though. It's more along the lines of me telling her all of this stuff that is on my mind and her saying how about medication, then 2 sessions later saying since I feel good after a week in Europe there is no more need for regular visits. It made me wonder what the point was of telling her about all the things bothering me if she wasn't going to address them all and talk to me for more than 15 minutes.

TommyboyUNM
12-04-2009, 01:05 PM
Maybe the therapist said it is helpful to go on trips because Fax said he felt happy because of the trip. That seems pretty logical to me. And I think it's cliche' to say that he is running away from his problems by going on trips and that is a bad thing. That's not necessarily true. He's obviously hiding from his problems while he's at home, but without receiving the happiness of going on a trip. So a good solution is to keep traveling, because that obviously makes him happy, but to stop ignoring the problem while he's home.

Also, this therapist sounds like she's not worth a shit. But at least she's getting you to start analyzing yourself and your problems.

locachica73
12-04-2009, 01:06 PM
But its just a temporary fix, I love traveling over weekends or holidays but then Monday morning rolls around and my kids still drive me insane, I still hate my job, I still don't know what to do about a lot of things going on in my life, I still overthink every conversation and every non conversation and try to figure out what they REALLY mean, I could go to hawaii, lay on the beach and have a great time, come back and feel rested but those things will still come back after a couple of days.

I do understand doing things for yourself in order to make things seem better, I need to do this more often, but the root of the problem is still there and needs to be addressed.

I am referring more to clinical depression though, the kind that goes on for weeks, months and even years, not the oh I feel a little bummed out today.

Monklish
12-04-2009, 01:08 PM
Dipshits: your kids, job, and life driving you insane is called LIFE. Welcome to humanity. And like most people, the only relief you get is the occasional good weekend.

rskapcat
12-04-2009, 01:09 PM
Once again, Randy is both blunt and correct.

amyzzz
12-04-2009, 01:09 PM
Like Tommy said, when faxy's at home, he needs to work on the problems more. Sometimes being refreshed after a vacation can help you see things in a new light and work on the problem with more energy and enthusiasm.

TommyboyUNM
12-04-2009, 01:09 PM
I guess it's a temporary fix, Audra, but if he just stopped traveling and that's it then he wouldn't be addressing the root of the problem. It's not all or nothing. He can still travel a lot, but use his time at home to address his problems. If he addresses his problems in a productive way at home then traveling all of a sudden become a very positive thing and not contribute to the problem.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 01:10 PM
Also, this therapist sounds like she's not worth a shit. But at least she's getting you to start analyzing yourself and your problems.

This is true. It gave me some perspective and realize therapy is helping yourself in a lot of ways. I sat there feeling superior to her though. I honestly think I would be a far better therapist after this latest session. That means I have lost respect for her so I will see how things go over the next month or so and if I feel overwhelmed with my issues again, I will seek out a new therapist.

locachica73
12-04-2009, 01:12 PM
When your kids, life, work, money issues become too much to handle, when you lose sleep, hair falls out, you get an ulcer, cry over stupid commercials, wonder if things would just be easier if you drove into on coming traffic, thats depression. Trust me, I know.

amyzzz
12-04-2009, 01:12 PM
Why didn't you speak up when you felt like she wasn't addressing your concerns? Was it just the session was over so fast you didn't have time to realize she was just dismissing you?

locachica73
12-04-2009, 01:15 PM
I wasn't saying not to take her advice and do things for yourself by any means. What I meant is for her to say you don't need therapy because your in a good mood after a long trip, that to me sounds completely insane.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 01:15 PM
Like Tommy said, when faxy's at home, he needs to work on the problems more. Sometimes being refreshed after a vacation can help you see things in a new light and work on the problem with more energy and enthusiasm.

Yes, I definitely feel more focused and was able to feel more confident and secure in decisions make and how I deal with certain people. I just feel like I addressed so much shit in that first session and she didn't help me worth through most of it.

One of the more valuable things she taught me was to not open up to so many people so quickly. She explained how needy people don't have trouble seeking me out and how i've made myself susceptible and that's the root of my codependency. So I basically need to close more doors and realize that everyone is not my friend that I should be sharing information with. Hence, me not posting about my second session. I figured I would take things seriously and hold things a little closer to my vest. I am making some efforts to do that but then again, here I am again.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 01:17 PM
Why didn't you speak up when you felt like she wasn't addressing your concerns? Was it just the session was over so fast you didn't have time to realize she was just dismissing you?

Yep. After I told her about my trip she joked that I didn't need her anymore. I figured that was her segue into moving onto other issues. 10 minutes later she says call me if I need anything in the future. I was a shocked and I don't have the ability or desire to say "hey wait, I had a whole list of stuff I wanted to address". All the listening and typing she did during my first session, I figured she should know, so maybe I simply don't need any more help for a while. Who knows.

TommyboyUNM
12-04-2009, 01:20 PM
Yep. After I told her about my trip she joked that I didn't need her anymore. I figured that was her segue into moving onto other issues. 10 minutes later she says call me if I need anything in the future. I was a shocked and I don't have the ability or desire to say "hey wait, I had a whole list of stuff I wanted to address". All the listening and typing she did during my first session, I figured she should know, so maybe I simply don't need any more help for a while. Who knows.

It sounds like maybe she left the door open for you to take some more initiative and call her, rather than closing the door on you. The way you just framed what she told you and the way you first framed it are totally different. So did she leave the door open for you or did she close it?

faxman75
12-04-2009, 01:24 PM
It sounds like maybe she left the door open for you to take some more initiative and call her, rather than closing the door on you. The way you just framed what she told you and the way you first framed it are totally different. So did she leave the door open for you or did she close it?

This is what I said in my first post today.


She said I don't need any more appointments and I should just call her if I get any more anxiety or feel overwhelmed by any of the situations I have told her about previously.

How is this different? I said she left the door open.

TomAz
12-04-2009, 01:24 PM
One of the more valuable things she taught me was to not open up to so many people so quickly.

This is why you post this on an internet message board.

amyzzz
12-04-2009, 01:25 PM
Faxy fell off the wagon.

amyzzz
12-04-2009, 01:25 PM
(:pulse :pulse you, faxy)

TommyboyUNM
12-04-2009, 01:26 PM
How is this different? I said she left the door open.

Maybe I just thought that because of the reactions of everyone. Seemed like she said that your sessions are over and don't call her. Some of these people are drama queens.

Continue, Faxino. Oh and call this bitch back and tell her that you feel like she skipped over some important things. You're in charge, not her.

liquidsnake28
12-04-2009, 01:28 PM
That means I have lost respect for her so I will see how things go over the next month or so and if I feel overwhelmed with my issues again, I will seek out a new therapist.

You're supposed to shop around for therapists in the first place. It's absurd to think that the first one you see will just happen to be the right one for you.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 01:29 PM
This is why you post this on an internet message board.

Exactly. It's a hypocrisy i'm aware of. I took the therapy seriously during session two and today I was just annoyed so I figured I would go back to sharing here. I realize it's not the smartest thing to do.

Thank you Amy for the love.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 01:33 PM
You're supposed to shop around for therapists in the first place. It's absurd to think that the first one you see will just happen to be the right one for you.

I don't know about the probability of finding the right one on the first try but now that I feel good and seemingly out of my funk, I will be ok. The entire time going into this I wasn't even sure if therapy was something I needed or would help. I still feel like it's me just whining about stuff but it did at least give me some perspective on a few immediate issues. I do think if I fall back into some depressed ball of stress that doesn't want to leave the house I will try someone different next time.

It's odd to me how pro medication she was during the first session and after one more full session she says regular visits aren't even necessary any longer.

amyzzz
12-04-2009, 01:37 PM
I've heard the theory that psych docs/therapists want to get people medicated right away to avoid suicides and/or lawsuits. Not sure if that's true.

faxman75
12-04-2009, 01:50 PM
One of the side effects of Prozac is suicidal thoughts and there are cases of people committing suicide while on Prozac. I suppose they can be sued for medicating you as well if that's the case.

Monklish
12-04-2009, 01:56 PM
Fax, I think the reason you were feeling better on your vacation is that you weren't on the board every day.

To test my theory, get the fuck out of here for another week.

Somewhat Damaged
12-24-2009, 11:05 AM
I keep getting intermittently depressed at work today. One of the nice things at my job is that since there are so many upbeat people here, it keeps me from wallowing in my misery for too long. Too bad that's one of the shitty things about it, too. Sometimes you just want to be angry or depressed, or at least not have it shoved in your face how unlike everyone else you are because it's Christmas and instead of being exuberant, you have periods of the day where you feel like jumping off a tall building. I just get so irritated with having to deal with clients who call in pissed off after THEY made a mistake and they lie about it when I can confirm that the fault lies on them or having to fix an error made by someone else who may not even be in my office, much less my department. And then there's always so much junk food to eat, especially this time of year, and the worst is when it's placed in my pod, so it's always in my peripheral vision and I can smell it all day or people are coming in to pick at it and remark on how tasty it is and I can only resist having some of it myself for so long. It's so fucking irritating that I haven't really lost any weight since I joined this new, more expensive gym in September. I'll have good days, sometimes even string a few in a row, and then I'll have a mood swing and I won't give a shit about fitness and have a bad day or two and whatever progress was made is completely eliminated. And then this time of year just has so many bad memories. Two years ago, my nana was in the hospice for the last 2 months of her life and was on the cusp of passing away on the 23rd. The fact that she didn't was a bit of a relief for the holiday but didn't take away from the fact that she still died a couple weeks later. The year before, my aunt passed away from a liver disease, so Christmas 2006 was the last one she was alive for. She had deteriorated to a shell of herself and what was probably the worst thing for me, thinking about myself as usual, is that I didn't really have anything to say to her. She was always kind to me, I didn't harbor any resentment or animosity towards her, there just wasn't any sort of connection between us. The last time we spoke, that Christmas Eve at my grandparents' house, she told me I looked good, that I looked to have lost some weight, and of course I scoffed because I didn't feel that was the case. And then there was my uncle dying of AIDS right before Christmas 2000, spending the last 3 weeks of his life in quarantine. The last thing I remember him saying to me is that my dad and I looked like monkeys from Planet of the Apes with our surgical masks on. I couldn't even be a pall bearer at his funeral because I got strep throat that day and canker sores on my tongue, making it painful to both spit and swallow. That shit lasted for a week, which stressed me out so bad I ended up admitting myself to the hospital because I feared the alternative was killing my parents. So people swinging by my desk when I'm trying to do my fucking job and asking me how I'm doing or what my plans are or wishing me a merry Christmas is the last fucking thing I need right now because I don't share the sentiment. And I feel like such a fucking faker for wishing merry Christmas to these clients I speak with on the phone and don't know and don't ultimately care about.

Writing this is literally causing my head to spin -- my vision is shaking back and forth. My head is feeling light.

amyzzz
12-24-2009, 11:09 AM
I'm sorry you're feeling shitty, Rick. I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but does caffeine help you at all? I was seriously depressed a couple weeks ago and drinking a coke helped me for a little while. (enough to get through that one day -- the crushing depression came back later)

Also, have you tried the South Beach diet? It helped Jacob (with some exercise) until he stopped altogether.

amyzzz
12-24-2009, 11:16 AM
(please don't take that wrong, just trying to help)

BROKENDOLL
12-24-2009, 11:59 AM
The first thing I thought or felt after reading Rick's story was the similar board name coincidence. "SomewhatDamaged/Brokendoll..." The reason I say that is because I too feel exactly like he does during the Xmas holidays. All due to bad memories or relationships with the family. In my case, namely my father, the sperm donor. For 30 years, he and I have not shared any kind of father/daughter relationship, and because of that, many Xmas's were spent apart from family. My mom and I would celebrate our own Xmas together on a different day, or something. In any case, after she died, the holiday became merely a reminder of what I never had...A father. We spent it together the first year she was gone, but the following year, I learned of a letter he had written to a friend of mine...It pretty much made me see that I would never be able to believe in him as anything but the person who brought me into the world, then used me as his scapegoat. The past 3 years I've tried to hang on to that Xmas spirit, and last year didn't bother decorating at all... (It may have eased some of the pain, but also pissed me off because it felt as if he still managed to ruin things in life by me giving up on something I enjoyed.)

Over the past several months I've peeked in on this thread, done some research, and can probably agree on some of the things you guys have said in regards to my posting behavior, etc...(Crazy. Angry, Obnoxious, etc...) While I try to laugh along becasue it's the internet, I also get upset because it's a reminder of what all that emotional abuse has done to my way of thinking. Anyway...I've realized that my father is toxic and not good for me. I've realized he will never change. And, I realize all the years I've wasted thinking otherwise... So, after not hearing a thing in over 2-3 years from him, I got a birthday card afew weeks ago, telling me he remarried, how great his life is, how wonderful my brother is, yada,yada,yada...and signed it, "Have a good one." I cried on my birthday...alot...I knew Xmas was coming and all the anxiety and pain was beginning to return...Then, I get an Xmas card with a framed wedding photo of his happy day as he put it. WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO SEE HIS HAPPY DAY WHEN HE'S MADE SO MANY OF MINE SAD???
There I was trying to hang on to the spirit and once again, his card had me crying the other night. It's as if everything is okay and we never had those 30+ sad years...

Let's just say, I don't have another 30 to ever make up for that lost time, and I'm chossing to cut him out of my life this year. (God, I've got like 4 different versions for a "fuck off" letter, and I've rehearsed several speeches I'd want to use if I did it in person...And, poor Pete, as patient as he is, and protective as he is, is struggling to deal with all my holiday mood swings because of this.) Yeah, as if the holiday stress shopping, etc isn't enough, it can be really hard when your memories have been marred by pain... I may still be on his ignore list, but my feelings are with SomewhatDamaged, and I hope something special and unexpected turns his holidays into something special again...Just as I hope for mine one day...For now... Ho, fuckin' Ho, fuckin' Ho, my ass!

BROKENDOLL
12-24-2009, 12:02 PM
Interesting about the board names, huh? I know his was a screenplay he wrote, but I never got to see any of the finished preduct. I'm guessing he put a lot of his heart and parts of his own life in it though. I know Brokendoll wasn't just a randomly picked name...:(

Mr. Dylanja
12-24-2009, 12:09 PM
Somewhat Damaged is the name of a song by Nine Inch Nails.

amyzzz
12-24-2009, 12:09 PM
and Rick's movie.

Mr. Dylanja
12-24-2009, 12:12 PM
She already knows about the movie, zzzizzzler, I was informing her on where is board name originated.

amyzzz
12-24-2009, 12:14 PM
k. I can't see what she says. just chimin in.

Mr. Dylanja
12-24-2009, 12:15 PM
Your chiming is out of tune.

rskapcat
12-24-2009, 12:20 PM
Beverly, if you are ever going to have any sort of relationship with your dad, you're going to have to let go of all the bs from the past. All it's doing is making YOU resentful & angry...sounds like your dad is doing fine. You see the problem?
(My mother & my husband both dealt with bad fathers growing up, so I promise I'm not talking out of my ass.)

TheWatcher
12-24-2009, 12:47 PM
So, I went to Whole Foods today to pick up a few things. The store, as expected was very busy. I got through that OK though. Driving home, seems like half the people are in their own little world, not a care, not aware of anyone else. I love driving, but not sitting in traffic for NO GOOD REASON because people are not even paying attention to anything. By the time I got home, I was having a panic attack, hyperventilating. That hasn't happened for a long time. I think I am a bit claustrophobic.

Anyway, Ho Ho Ho and Merry Xmas and all that. It will be over soon.

BROKENDOLL
12-24-2009, 01:21 PM
She already knows about the movie, zzzizzzler, I was informing her on where is board name originated.
See? Not only have I learned I'm on the cusp of nuttiness, I've learned something more in the music world. I still find it interesting on the choice of board name though.


Beverly, if you are ever going to have any sort of relationship with your dad, you're going to have to let go of all the bs from the past. All it's doing is making YOU resentful & angry...sounds like your dad is doing fine. You see the problem?
(My mother & my husband both dealt with bad fathers growing up, so I promise I'm not talking out of my ass.)
My father and I won't be having any sort of relationship because of course he's doing fine. He doesn't care how his upbringing affected me. All these years of wondering what I did wrong or what was wrong with me finally got me to search for answers...There's nothing wrong with me other than I was raised by a psychopathic narcisist with women issues. He's 75 years old now and family (Mom) have been trying to tell me to let him go for years. And, you're right...resentful and angry have popped up because I've realized all those years wasted trying to make someone proud were just that...wasted. I'm 49 years old Becca...we haven't had any sort of relationship for over 30+ years. Little late to start now, or risk fooling myself into thinking otherwise. My anger energy could be better applied to the next 49 years of my life, not his, no?
Somebody mentioned in one of the other "flamethrowing threads" how the past few months, I seem to have gotten creepy, or whatever...I can honestly say,creepy isn't quite the right word, and alot of that behavior has had to do with my anticipating this time of year coming along. The reason I'll fight back at the insults is because basically, I've already heard them all before. It may explain the reason I'll attack Randy when he does his thing, it isn't because of a crush...Geez...It's because I'm not gonna allow a "peer" to yank me down to where I've been before. (The silly attempts at stupid humor probably keeps me from going off badly on someone who may or may not deserve it.)

Does any of that make more sense? Should I be sitting on Santa's lap and saying all of this? (Ho,ho,ho)

rskapcat
12-24-2009, 01:36 PM
Hahaha...well, that would definitely be a change of pace for the mall Santa!
The holidays are a hard time of year for a lot of people. I'm disgustingly blessed to have not had much family turmoil, but it seems all that baggage is magnified around the holidays for those that have.
If you don't want to have a relationship with your dad, you at least need to let all that anger go. The only one suffering because of it is YOU. Don't give your dad that power.

obzen
12-24-2009, 01:40 PM
Power.

rskapcat
12-24-2009, 01:53 PM
And you didn't italicize it? For shame.

obzen
12-24-2009, 02:02 PM
Straight-up.

BROKENDOLL
12-24-2009, 02:36 PM
Hahaha...well, that would definitely be a change of pace for the mall Santa!
The holidays are a hard time of year for a lot of people. I'm disgustingly blessed to have not had much family turmoil, but it seems all that baggage is magnified around the holidays for those that have.
If you don't want to have a relationship with your dad, you at least need to let all that anger go. The only one suffering because of it is YOU. Don't give your dad that power.
Thank you, Becca...you've confirmed what I've finally figured out. And that in itself helps to make it so much easier to let go after all these years.

And now, in typical Brokendoll style...
Picture if you would, a 49 year old woman standing in line at the mall waiting her turn to see Santa. She's surrounded by whining children dressed in a variety of Xmas fashion attire. (Think Xmas sweaters.) One kid is screaming and colicky, another is freaking because this man in the red suit seems really creepy, and then there's Brokendoll, probably dressed in her Levi's and a hoodie, and most likely sporting some type of Xmas buzz... She's most likely the only one in line that doesn't want an Xbox, or a checker set,or an I-pod, and definitely doesn't have snot running down her face or poop in her diaper. All Brokendoll wants to do is sit on Santa's lap and say, "So...Ho,ho,ho, dude, whassup?"And when the fat roly-poly dude in red says, "What would you like for Christmas this year, little girl?"

First, I'm gonna snicker...then I'm gonna look him straight in the eye and say, "I want the fucking truth... Who ate all my Xmas cookies all those years, and are you my father instead of that other asshole?
If Santa says, "No," then I'll ask him for a new attitude, or a dart gun..."

Ho, ho, ho!!!

corbo
12-24-2009, 02:36 PM
buncha pill-poppin whiny weak-ass pussies. the whole lot of you.

BROKENDOLL
12-24-2009, 02:52 PM
buncha pill-poppin whiny weak-ass pussies. the whole lot of you.
Okay, so I asked for a dart gun instead of a 357 Magnum...It wasn't any pill that made me choose that...That's what common sense I have left being put to use...If you'd like, we can make different arrangements...




ASSHOLE.

Chaplipman
12-24-2009, 06:44 PM
buncha pill-poppin whiny weak-ass pussies. the whole lot of you.

Hey man, get that real talk outta here. No one wants to hear that shit.

Somewhat Damaged
12-25-2009, 10:24 AM
I'm sorry you're feeling shitty, Rick. I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but does caffeine help you at all? I was seriously depressed a couple weeks ago and drinking a coke helped me for a little while. (enough to get through that one day -- the crushing depression came back later)

Also, have you tried the South Beach diet? It helped Jacob (with some exercise) until he stopped altogether.

I don't know about caffeine, though I doubt that had anything to do with it, seeing as how I'd just had a soda with my lunch right before I typed my post. And Jen and I have tried the South Beach diet before. It isn't sustainable. Last night, I was talking to one of my cousins who lost 40 pounds in the past year. He had to work out of town for a while and, not being a cook, mainly ate tuna. He got used to it and has since cut down on his portion sizes and looks tremendous. I'm also planning on talking to a nutritionist at my gym; apparently my membership grants me one free session. It's weird but I think I would probably do fairly well if someone were to specifically map out for me what to eat each day.

And no offense taken, I knew you were meaning well.

locachica73
03-25-2010, 09:47 AM
Does anyone know if being on pain meds for long periods of time can add to depression? I can't seem to not cry these days and it is just not me. I am usually a pretty happy person even with all my drama and shit that goes on. But this exile to my bedroom, along with the pain, the meds and the not being around people has really gotten to me. I am turning into a crazy person and I don't know how to stop it. Poor Nick gets the brunt of it since he is the only one that I see on a regular basis, and I am going to end up driving him away with my neediness and sappy attitude. And then I get mad at him because he keeps saying stupid shit like "why are you being so emotional". Which pisses me the fuck off.

amyzzz
03-25-2010, 09:52 AM
Are you prescribed bed-rest by your doctor for your recovery, loca? (for how long?)

weeklymix
03-25-2010, 09:59 AM
It honestly sounds like your circumstances are the culprit. Opioids are being looked at as treatment for depression, though I'm sure that they could have just the equal adverse effect.

If you're interested in talking to somebody but not interested in more prescriptions (head meds can be truly awful, first hand experience) try and find a licensed psychologist, not a psychiatrist. Psychologists are pretty much psychiatrists without the license to prescribe. They have a knowledge of most medications on the market and can make an accurate assessment without forcing pills down your throat. If they really feel you need to see a psychiatrist for medication purposes they'll also likely have a great recommendation.

I don't know if you already do this but writing your thoughts, feelings, ideas or anything at all can help tremendously when confined to a small space. Especially if you are in direct contact with very few people. I've tried writing and learning a foreign language when forced to stay somewhere tiny.

locachica73
03-25-2010, 10:00 AM
Yeah, I am suppose to leave my leg elevated as much as possible. They can't cast it until the swelling subsides. I go to the doctor tomorrow though and then I hopefully get my cast. If not I will probably have a nervous breakdown right in the doctors office. I can't stand sitting here all day every day any longer. And no one gets why I am so down. But I have been laying in bed for 3 weeks, the only time anyone has come over really other than Marc to fix my computer, was when some people came over the other night for my brothers birthday. I had a great time, but it was all people I know from the bar, which was great. But the people that I thought were my good friends, the ones who I have always been there for, to help whenever they need it, not one of them has called or stopped by. And my feelings are really hurt.

My sister is moving to Oregon soon, I never even considered going because I hate Oregon so much. But this morning I actually am considering it because I feel like there really isn't anything here for me. That isn't like me at all, so I am assuming the pain meds are just fucking with my head or something.

locachica73
03-25-2010, 10:02 AM
It honestly sounds like your circumstances are the culprit. Opioids are being looked at as treatment for depression, though I'm sure that they could have just the equal adverse effect.

If you're interested in talking to somebody but not interested in more prescriptions (head meds can be truly awful, first hand experience) try and find a licensed psychologist, not a psychiatrist. Psychologists are pretty much psychiatrists without the license to prescribe. They have a knowledge of most medications on the market and can make an accurate assessment without forcing pills down your throat. If they really feel you need to see a psychiatrist for medication purposes they'll also likely have a great recommendation.

I don't know if you already do this but writing your thoughts, feelings, ideas or anything at all can help tremendously when confined to a small space. Especially if you are in direct contact with very few people. I've tried writing and learning a foreign language when forced to stay somewhere tiny.

Yeah, I need to go back to therapy once I get insurance. I am not a fan of meds, well I like that they help, but the side effects are not worth it. Plus you aren't suppose to drink or do drugs while on meds, so that is out. :)

amyzzz
03-25-2010, 10:04 AM
Plus you aren't suppose to drink or do drugs while on meds, so that is out. :)Yeah, fuck that. haha.

Can I take you to a movie, loca? Do you want to see The Runaways? (about joan jett's first group when she was a teen).

locachica73
03-25-2010, 10:10 AM
I would love to go see that movie. I need to get my boot first though, I can't do the stairs by myself yet, and even with my sister helping me the other day I ended up having to crawl into my apartment once I got to the top of the stairs.

I am going to end up driving Nick away with my neediness so anything I can do without him would be great, then he might get the chance to actually miss me again and not feel like he HAS to hang out with me.

I will let you know Friday how the appointment goes and then maybe we can make a movie date. :)

amyzzz
03-25-2010, 10:16 AM
Ok, let me know!

locachica73
03-25-2010, 10:26 AM
Will do Amy. Thanks you two, typing out what has been stuck in my head for the last few days has actually made me feel a little bit better. Now I just need to not call Nick for the next few hours. I am a little pissed off/hurt right now and I don't want to take it out on him. I have been doing that a lot lately.

lickety_spit
03-25-2010, 02:54 PM
i'm pretty confident that i'm bi-polar (isn't everybody) or manic depressive (does that exist anymore, or are they one in the same?), but i've never seen a mental health doctor to be evaluated because i don't have insurance. though not suicidal, i'm becoming increasingly apathetic & find no joy in anything. i've never been more open to dying than i am at this point.
the only thing i'm really concerned about is eventually relying on alcohol to counter my anxiety & depression rather than taking a prescription drug.
i hope the new healthcare reform can come through for me in time.



or maybe i just need to find jesus.

SoulDischarge
03-25-2010, 02:59 PM
There's probably somewhere you can get free help where ever you're at. How helpful that help will actually be is a whole different question, but it's worth a try.

amyzzz
03-25-2010, 03:00 PM
from http://www.realmentalhealth.com/bipolar/overview.asp


Bipolar Disorder Symptoms
Mania and depression are the opposing phases in bipolar disorder.

Mania: A person in the manic phase may feel indestructible, full of energy, and ready for anything. Other times that person may be irritable and ready to argue with anyone who tries to get in the way.
Unrealistic plans, spending sprees, an increase in sexual affairs, or other reckless behavior, such as wild driving, also may occur.
Less sleep and food than usual are needed.
The person with mania can stay up all night but may find that not much was accomplished because he or she was easily distracted.
The person with bipolar disorder may talk very quickly and jump from subject to subject. They often exhibit pressured speech during mania.
Self-esteem may be inflated.
Any decisions that are made with regard to business and finances are often not good ones.
Clothing choices may also change, and the person with bipolar disorder may start wearing brighter, more flamboyant clothes.
These behaviors, which can be quite upsetting, usually prompt a family member to take notice and try to get the person help.
Most people who are going through the manic phase of bipolar disorder deny that anything is wrong with them and refuse to see a medical professional.
They are grandiose and may have delusions (false ideas) of grandeur (greatness).
Depression: Although mania is said to alternate with depression, most people have more depressive episodes than manic ones.
Sadness and crying spells are common.
People who are depressed may not care enough to wash or comb their hair, change clothes, or even get out of bed in the morning.
These people may sleep too much (hypersomnolence) or have difficulty getting to sleep (insomnia).
Many of these people have no interest in food or have no appetite and lose weight. However, some eat excessively.
People with depression have trouble thinking; they may forget to do important things such as paying bills because they feel so down.
They withdraw from friends.
Hobbies that used to bring pleasure suddenly hold no interest for people who are depressed.
Depression brings feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.
People who are depressed may not see a point in living anymore and may actually think about ways to kill themselves.
Some people with bipolar disorder cycle between the 2 extremes every few months or weeks. Other people with bipolar disorder may cycle several times within the same day.

guedita
03-25-2010, 03:00 PM
Lickety, you might already know this, but think about natural ways to boost your seratonin levels: exercise, eating healthy, etc.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
03-25-2010, 03:03 PM
I think she was referring to not being able to drink while on prescription meds, which is why she doesn't want to be on them.

I think.

Courtney
03-25-2010, 03:04 PM
i'm pretty confident that i'm bi-polar (isn't everybody) or manic depressive (does that exist anymore, or are they one in the same?), but i've never seen a mental health doctor to be evaluated because i don't have insurance. though not suicidal, i'm becoming increasingly apathetic & find no joy in anything. i've never been more open to dying than i am at this point.
the only thing i'm really concerned about is eventually relying on alcohol to counter my anxiety & depression rather than taking a prescription drug.
i hope the new healthcare reform can come through for me in time.



or maybe i just need to find jesus.

Lickety, some therapists offer sliding scale fees depending on income and insurance status. Where are you located? It's worth looking into.

And yeah, bipolar and manic depressive are the same thing in common parlance, although I think their theoretical origins differ.

lickety_spit
03-25-2010, 03:23 PM
Get a fucking job and go to a doctor. Or find a guy who deals prescription drugs and fuck him for the pills you need.

i have a job. it pays the bills i already have. i've had just $15 for the past week & a half. & i don't know what pills i need because i haven't seen a doctor. i suppose i could just guess. i just hope the guy will also deal the valtrex i'm undoubtedly going to need to fuck him for after fucking him for anti-depressants.

lickety_spit
03-25-2010, 03:32 PM
He does, and they're on sale.

or i could get insurance by marrying someone in, say... the navy?
marriage: less permanent than herpes. (sad but true)

locachica73
03-25-2010, 03:45 PM
Opiate-induced depression is a thing. If you don't enjoy them, they'll definitely make you unhappy, and frankly even if you enjoy them the state you end up in is pretty much exactly like a depression interrupted occasionally by euphoria.

Also, you can totally drink on opiates, just take it easy.

Also, bitches that get angry at being called emotional should stop being so fucking emotional. Y'all's are retarded.

I did finally start having a beer here and there on the percs, but I notice I get the worse case of dry eyes. I can barely blink and my vision gets all funky. So I don't drink much if at all. I do enjoy the high otherwise, I just enjoy seeing.

Maybe I should take some testosterone and then instead of emotional I can start punching stuff. But then I would break my hand too.

marooko
03-31-2010, 12:15 AM
Man, .....fuck.

sbessiso
04-30-2010, 06:07 PM
*sigh*

amyzzz
04-30-2010, 06:24 PM
*hugs* Salah.

Somewhat Damaged
04-30-2010, 10:13 PM
I've been on Carbatrol for the past..year? It's supposed to regulate my mood & doubles as an anti-seizure medication, which is helpful considering my seizure history. I still feel the desire to murder people every once in a while, but I figure that's going to be with me for the rest of my life, so as long as it isn't so persistent, I'm all good.

hacking my dreams
04-30-2010, 10:20 PM
i want to know what's inside amy'z box, what mysteries it holds...

Gribbz
06-20-2010, 12:18 PM
Been down in the dumps lately. I need a new outlet. Something needs to change. I'm thinking about taking up Yoga or something. Can anyone help me out?

obzen
06-20-2010, 12:19 PM
Take a deep breath, then take another...

I.F.A.
06-20-2010, 12:23 PM
Dale,

http://www.yoga-meditation-world.com/class-schedule.html

I haven't been to the studio myself, since I don't make it to Tucson that often, but I have taken classes with Sat Ardas (one of the owners) and she's very good.

Depression is one of the reasons that I got into yoga, and it's been more helpful to me than anything else I've tried (and I've tried a lot... meds, therapy, etc...).

I hope you find what you need!

Gribbz
06-20-2010, 12:25 PM
Dale,

http://www.yoga-meditation-world.com/class-schedule.html

I haven't been to the studio myself, since I don't make it to Tucson that often, but I have taken classes with Sat Ardas (one of the owners) and she's very good.

Depression is one of the reasons that I got into yoga, and it's been more helpful to me than anything else I've tried (and I've tried a lot... meds, therapy, etc...).

I hope you find what you need!

Thanks a lot. I actually live directly above a yoga studio downtown. Apparently it's cheap too. I usually don't like complaining about my problems... but I really felt like I needed to today.

I.F.A.
06-20-2010, 12:31 PM
Thanks a lot. I actually live directly above a yoga studio downtown. Apparently it's cheap too. I usually don't like complaining about my problems... but I really felt like I needed to today.

You're welcome!

If you ever have yoga related questions and want to talk, feel free to hit me up. Or non-yoga related questions - I've been there, so I know how tough depression is. :)

captncrzy
06-20-2010, 12:32 PM
Been down in the dumps lately. I need a new outlet. Something needs to change. I'm thinking about taking up Yoga or something. Can anyone help me out?

You seemed kind of down last week. =(.

obzen
06-20-2010, 12:33 PM
On a serious note, Dale, I have had the same issues in years past - it seems to be somewhat of a cycle for me. Sometimes the redundancies of everyday life can bring on the anxieties of wondering whether or not this is it, is there anything more to life? But that could be a good thing, it means you're not okay with being complacent.


As silly as this might sound, I've found that running helps, a lot. It just takes a little initiative.

Gribbz
06-20-2010, 12:35 PM
You're welcome!

If you ever have yoga related questions and want to talk, feel free to hit me up. Or non-yoga related questions - I've been there, so I know how tough depression is. :)

Thanks!

You seemed kind of down last week. =(.

Damn, really?


On a serious note, Dale, I have had the same issues in years past - it seems to be somewhat of a cycle for me. Sometimes the redundancies of everyday life can bring on the anxieties of wondering whether or not this is it, is there anything more to life? But that could be a good thing, it means you're okay with being complacent.


As silly as this might sound, I've found that running helpls, a lot. It just takes a little initiative.

I feel the same way man. You're right about running/working out. I used to run religiously... always felt nice afterward.

captncrzy
06-20-2010, 12:36 PM
Yeah. I just figured you were having an off day or you were tired or something. Yoga is a good idea; gets you centered. Also, there will be girls in there bending over, so that's a bonus.

obzen
06-20-2010, 12:40 PM
I feel the same way man. You're right about running/working out. I used to run religiously... always felt nice afterward.

I really wish you would've quoted my edited post. Now I feel dejected.

Gribbz
06-20-2010, 12:44 PM
Yeah. I just figured you were having an off day or you were tired or something. Yoga is a good idea; gets you centered. Also, there will be girls in there bending over, so that's a bonus.

I was kind of tired, actually. I've been told I'm quiet though.. so that might have contributed to your suspicion.

Gribbz
06-20-2010, 07:18 PM
Beirut and Leonard Cohen helped a lot today.

I.F.A.
06-21-2010, 10:05 AM
Beirut and Leonard Cohen helped a lot today.

:thu "Who By Fire" is one of my go-to songs when I'm in a bad mood.

traviscanada
07-14-2010, 05:14 PM
One of my first posts in months, if not a year. In my state I need to tell someone, so why not the internet.

I think I have had anxiety for a while now, but now I think it is almost at a breaking point. I used to be really laid back and easy going, and I still am in social situations alot of the time, however I find that I can get pretty agitated over the littlest things when my mind is really heavy. I think one of the catalysts was 3 years ago being wrongly arrested for assault with a weapon, and the subsequent year long limbo I was in before being cleared. I know that obviously everyone goes through some sort of shit in their lives, but this I think has really stuck. The arrest and lawyers ended up costing me a pretty good chunk of money, and alot of sleepless nights for that year. Lately I find myself in a cycle of not being able to sleep because of anxiety and being more anxious due to lack of sleep, apathy soon follows. Definatley time to go to a doctor.

liquidsnake28
07-14-2010, 06:12 PM
Sertraline works (Zoloft is the popular brand name for it.)

I'll vouch for it being a completely legit anti-depressant. Not saying it's for everyone but it works great for me.