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TeamCoachellaHellYeah
09-30-2008, 03:42 PM
If Phish ever reunite, I am going to try and catch one of their shows...despite my disdain for hippie jam bands...

Jon Blazed
09-30-2008, 03:42 PM
Last time I saw Phish was in 98? at the Thomas and Mack Center.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
09-30-2008, 03:43 PM
BTW: If Vegoose ever does came back from the grave, they plan on moving it.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
09-30-2008, 03:43 PM
I once saw Les Claypool's Flying Frog Brigade at the MB HOB.

Jon Blazed
09-30-2008, 03:45 PM
BTW: If Vegoose ever does came back from the grave, they plan on moving it.



that sucks.

Maybe the could move it to Town Square (you heard it here first).

This weekend they have rock the block on freemont with Gogol Bordello and then the next day xfest with Pepper. I might be at both.

CalmerThanYou
09-30-2008, 03:45 PM
If Phish ever reunite, I am going to try and catch one of their shows...despite my disdain for hippie jam bands...

It's so worth it. The spectacle, people watching light show, and overall amazing vibes are well worth it...you would be surprised at how much fun you would have.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
09-30-2008, 03:47 PM
well...if they ever do reunite...Red Rocks is shoo in for a Phish show...the hard part will be trying to get tickets.

Jon Blazed
09-30-2008, 03:50 PM
I've got to make it up to Red Rocks for a show.

I've been to the filmore, 8150 in vail, and the FOX boulder theater, all for slightly stoopid shows.

CalmerThanYou
09-30-2008, 03:53 PM
If Phish ever reunite, I am going to try and catch one of their shows...despite my disdain for hippie jam bands...

ucffBCgxVUA

bad sound quality, but you get the idea...good times.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
09-30-2008, 03:54 PM
ugh.....just so many hippies...

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
09-30-2008, 03:55 PM
I've got to make it up to Red Rocks for a show.

I've been to the filmore, 8150 in vail, and the FOX boulder theater, all for slightly stoopid shows.

too bad Red Rocks is only open from May to Sept.

Beef Jerky
10-01-2008, 07:09 PM
I'm so depressed I want to die.

Pixiessp
10-01-2008, 07:12 PM
Jerky! what's wrong?

Beef Jerky
10-01-2008, 07:40 PM
Too much stress.
My family problems is destroying my life. I've considered looking into psychiatrist/therapist, but I am still skeptical about it. My worst fear is getting medications. It seems like the doctors prescribe pills like candy.

RotationSlimWang
10-01-2008, 07:42 PM
Pills = happiness

Beef Jerky
10-01-2008, 07:43 PM
Pills like XTC pills?

Pixiessp
10-01-2008, 08:37 PM
I went to a therapist twice in my life and only once was the subject of meds brought up and it was homeopathic. I benefitted immensely from just having someone to talk to and having a place to cry freely. Not saying it was easy but it definitely helped.

locachica73
10-01-2008, 11:35 PM
I have been in therapy a few times for many reasons and only recently have been put on meds. most therapists want to work through your problems through discussion and it does help alot. but in my case i had so many current problems that it was difficult to discuss my past problems which are my main issue. So due to panic attacks and flying off the handle at the simplest of issues she finally decided to refer me to a psychiatrist who put me on meds, and since then the therapy has been alot better because my current issues don't over shadow the past ones that cause alot of the current ones. if that makes any kind of sense.

weltschmerz
11-06-2008, 07:04 AM
man, WTF?!

BROKENDOLL
11-16-2008, 08:12 AM
Sometimes I feel like a nut, and sometimes, I don't...Would that be considered an issue?

gaypalmsprings
11-16-2008, 08:14 AM
Sometimes I feel like a nut, and sometimes, I don't...Would that be considered an issue?

http://www.iammoon.com/images/nutsac.gif

algunz
01-09-2009, 11:14 AM
My doctor prescribed me Ativan because I've had a hard time sleeping. There's a lot going on in my life at the moment and it seems to be getting harder and harder for me to manage it all. The Ativan helps with the insomnia, but I'm also dealing with overwhelming bouts of anxiety during the day. Can I take the Ativan or will that just make me sleepy? I can't afford to be sleepy during the day.

MissingPerson
01-09-2009, 11:16 AM
Well that's handy, I was just looking for this thread...

TheWatcher
01-09-2009, 11:43 AM
I am now feeling anxiety and some depression due to lack of employment.

Can the doctor prescribe me a job?

samiksha
01-09-2009, 11:44 AM
My doctor prescribed me Ativan because I've had a hard time sleeping. There's a lot going on in my life at the moment and it seems to be getting harder and harder for me to manage it all. The Ativan helps with the insomnia, but I'm also dealing with overwhelming bouts of anxiety during the day. Can I take the Ativan or will that just make me sleepy? I can't afford to be sleepy during the day.

didn't nothingman just answer this question for you in another thread somewhere?

RotationSlimWang
01-09-2009, 11:44 AM
My doctor prescribed me Ativan because I've had a hard time sleeping. There's a lot going on in my life at the moment and it seems to be getting harder and harder for me to manage it all. The Ativan helps with the insomnia, but I'm also dealing with overwhelming bouts of anxiety during the day. Can I take the Ativan or will that just make me sleepy? I can't afford to be sleepy during the day.

Try taking a half of whatever you take to sleep, you should be fine. Some coffee if you get sleepy.

samiksha
01-09-2009, 11:45 AM
yep.


Yes, that's what it is normally prescribed for... Lorazepam (Ativan) is a benzo, just not a very strong one.

Thread Which Shall Not Be Named

Mr.Nipples
01-09-2009, 11:57 AM
Try taking a half of whatever you take to sleep, you should be fine. Some coffee if you get sleepy.

people do...

algunz
01-09-2009, 01:06 PM
didn't nothingman just answer this question for you in another thread somewhere?

Yeah, but he didn't really answer whether it would make me sleepy or not. I hadn't really clarified that in the original question, and I realized this was a more appropriate thread. Sorry, didn't mean to be redundant.



Thanks Randy. :)

samiksha
01-09-2009, 01:11 PM
naw, i was just trying to point you in what i thought was the right direction. and make sure i wasnt crazy.

BROKENDOLL
01-09-2009, 01:32 PM
I am now feeling anxiety and some depression due to lack of employment.
Can the doctor prescribe me a job? Good God! It's contagious! I may as well be lacking employment with the cut in hours recently!

SoulDischarge
05-25-2009, 11:52 AM
Post removed by the Committee for Preventing Shit from Getting Too Personal on the Internet.

SoulDischarge
05-27-2009, 09:55 AM
Post removed by the Committee for Preventing Shit from Getting Too Personal on the Internet.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 11:10 AM
Ok. Well. I've been trying a lot of different anti-depressants and I've had bad reactions to almost all of them. I'm about to start my fifth one. It's usually the same thing. I take it for a few days, don't notice any changes, but 3 or 4 days in, I start to feel really freaked out and all my symptoms are increased instead of decreased. It feels kind of similar to a bad DXM or ecstasy trip, only on a smaller scale (except the first one, Cymbalta, which as fucking terrifying the first time I took it). So what happens is I stop taking it, go back to the clinic, and they prescribe me a different anti-depressant and the cycle starts all over again. What I'm thinking is maybe they've misdiagnosed me with depression based on some vague 15 minute evaluation, and that perhaps I have some other kind of disorder, like bi-polar or anxiety. My mom has bi-polar and has been taking lithium for it most of her life. Anyway, has anyone else had similar experiences with anti-depressants? Have you tried different types of medication? Or if no one has that feels like talking about it, does anyone know of any other forums or websites where I could read about other peoples' experiences with this kind of thing? I hate airing my problems here, but I really need some kind of help or advice that isn't from the impersonal behavioral health clinic.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 11:25 AM
It sounds to me like what you need is an actual doctor with actual time to actually evaluate your condition. Grab a gun and take hostages, that will get you lots of free psychiatric care.

amyzzz
10-09-2009, 11:26 AM
I don't take meds now, but my mom has been through a whole battery of anti-psychotic meds for bipolar disorder. I'm not sure if she's on anything now, but I can ask her opinions of the meds she's taken if you like. She's got it like WHOA.

rskapcat
10-09-2009, 11:38 AM
^What Tom said. Well, maybe not the gun part. I didn't have any weird reactions to anti-depressants...they just made me not feel anything. The highs were dulled just as much as the lows.

amyzzz
10-09-2009, 11:42 AM
That's why I can't take meds, becca. I don't want to feel numb all the time.

rskapcat
10-09-2009, 11:43 AM
Ditto.

Astrid
10-09-2009, 11:43 AM
if you google the specific medications you can usually find several different boards/postings with reviews, experiences.

unfortunately it really makes no difference as each medication effects different people extremely differently. im sure you know this, so im sorry if i sound like a twat. but it is helpful for gauging a general positive/negative feeling, and can make you feel less bizarre reading endless feedback with people who are having the same reactions as you. i find people only tend to post bad reviews though, no one says damn these pills are great, im going to go sing their praises on the web!

good luck. sorry the medical profession is the biggest god damn waste of money/space/time in the history of EXISTENCE.

locachica73
10-09-2009, 11:46 AM
I have been on a few, the best I was on was Lexepro but the doc increased the dose to the point of me not feeling anything, then I lost my job and insurance and weened myself off. He had me on that and then trazadone at night to help me sleep. Of all the meds I had been on that was the best... Well other then xanax.

Did you go to an actual psychiatrist for the evaluation or your normal doc? The first rounds I went through it was my primary care doc trying to get me on a correct pill/dose. That didn't work out well. When I went to the psychiatrist I sat there probably for an hour and a half going over all my symtoms and personal history. And he got me on what I thought were the right meds.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 11:56 AM
i was a xanax abuser for almost a year without realizing i never needed the medication. exercise and marijuana is a valid replacement for anti-anxiety, anti-psychotics, and anti-depressants, at least for me. i think a lot of people would benefit from a good jog or a bike ride every afternoon. it exhausts you enough that the anxiety slips away, again at least for me.

hope i helped.

rskapcat
10-09-2009, 11:59 AM
Devin, regular exercise keeps me even keel...better than anti-depressants ever did. Unfortunately, some people need more than that to fix chemical imbalances.

amyzzz
10-09-2009, 12:00 PM
Yes! Exercise does help a great deal. I can't emphasize that enough.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 12:01 PM
I think exercise helps manage stress, yes. Clinical depression and anxiety are usually more complexly rooted than just stress.

Courtney
10-09-2009, 12:14 PM
In certain situations, exercise can be helpful and perhaps even more helpful than meds in cases of clinical depression and anxiety. Yes, different things work for different people, and sometimes a combination of several different approaches (cognitive therapy or other forms of counseling, meds, exercise, etc) is best, but I think it's an understatement to just say that exercise helps to manage stress. There have been a whole host of studies in medical journals that support this.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 12:16 PM
And I think it's overly simplistic to think that Patrick or anyone can just exercise his condition away.

Courtney
10-09-2009, 12:18 PM
I agree with that.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 12:19 PM
Well then I take it back.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 12:20 PM
And I think it's overly simplistic to think that Patrick or anyone can just exercise his condition away.

nobody ever said this.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 12:25 PM
nobody ever said this.


exercise and marijuana is a valid replacement for anti-anxiety, anti-psychotics, and anti-depressants

...

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 12:29 PM
exercise and marijuana is a valid replacement for anti-anxiety, anti-psychotics, and anti-depressants, at least for me.

don't misquote me.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 12:32 PM
Thanks for the responses.

The one I'm about to try is Lexapro, so hopefully that'll work for me as much as it did for you. I've tried Cymbalta, which was terrifying the one time I took it, Remeron, which was tolerable, I took it for about a month, but I felt really tense and jumpy and out of it the whole time, and it was making me sleep insane amounts, Wellbutrin and Zoloft, both of which were fine the first couple of days before making me feel freaked out and disassociated. I would like to try something besides antidepressants just to see if I respond better, but I don't know how to bring that up without seeming like I'm trying to take advantage of the system to get high.

I have been going to a behavioral health clinic, so I did see an actual psychiatrist. It's just that it's kind of a bureaucratic mess so it's hard to get anything done or see who you want to see or get much attention, but on the plus side, I don't really have to pay for it. I was seeing my mom's psychiatrist for awhile by going to his walk-ins, and he was pretty cool and was willing to try different things, but after awhile they made me see someone else because I wasn't assigned to that doctor's team. This woman is alright, but I'm not as at ease with her and I feel like she's only willing to try certain meds. I don't know. I've also seen a counselor twice, but he seems like a jackass. He kind of talks down to me and gives me sheets to fill out that are covered in smileys and stupid, shitty graphics. He keeps trying to hammer in the point that what you think, what you do, and how you take care of your body contribute to how you feel, which is really fucking obvious. I'm going to try seeing him one or two more times before requesting someone else.

Exercise and a proper diet definitely go a long way towards improving your mood, but it can only go so far. Some times it's really hard to get motivated to exercise when you can barely stand to leave your room. Especially in the winter. Still, I could stand to get a lot more exercise. I wish the YMCA wasn't so damned expensive.

Weed just makes me more anxious and depressed, which is why I stopped taking it. I wish I did enjoy it. I was definitely a lot calmer and less prone to rage fits when I was getting high all the time.

humanoid
10-09-2009, 12:40 PM
And I think it's overly simplistic to think that Patrick or anyone can just exercise his condition away.

it is overly simplistic, many cases are much more complex than that. At the same time, i don't think the many mental health benefits derived from regular exercise should be minimized either.

I think a greater issue is that too many people are unwilling to really look at their own lifestyle and behavior in relation to their mental state, yet continually hop from medication to medication in hope of finding a magical pill.

the vast majority of people in my life (myself included) that have needed help with some type of depression, anxiety or other similar issue have coupled this with regular substance abuse or constant drinking. I'm no puritan and enjoy plenty of fun myself, but the day I was able to figure out that possibly some of the things I was doing, may have contributed to my depression or anxiety issues, my life improved tenfold.

it's not only drug or drinking related either. Sitting alone in your room, staring at the computer screen at all hours of the day and night is not a recipe for a healthy mental state.

obviously, medication is necessary in certain cases, but the absolute dependence upon it can be reduced if people are willing to look at certain behaviors they are able to alter in order to take more control over their own well being.


Souldischarge...

I'm not directing this specifically at you...I'm just stating that for me, taking a long, hard look at my habits and lifestyle did wonders for improving my mental health. For years, I kept trying to keep living how I was living, somehow expecting different results, but constantly treading water.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 12:46 PM
don't misquote me.

I'm not misquoting you. I'm telling you you're wrong.

Exercise and marijuana are not substitutes or replacements for appropriate clinical treatment. If they work "for you" it's because you never were bipolar, psychotic, or clinically depressed to start with.

Your mindset is misguided because you, like so many others, see mental illness as something that can just be wished away if you try hard enough and want it bad enough. Anxiety and depression are medical conditions caused by actual brain physiology and chemistry issues. Yes, exercise affects brain chemistry, which is why I agreed it is good for managing stress. But your implied suggestion (which you weakly caveated with "for me", though you didn't actually mean it) that exercise can be an appropriate substitute for antipsychotics etc is foolish.

Young blood
10-09-2009, 12:48 PM
Thanks for the responses.

The one I'm about to try is Lexapro, so hopefully that'll work for me as much as it did for you. I've tried Cymbalta, which was terrifying the one time I took it, Remeron, which was tolerable, I took it for about a month, but I felt really tense and jumpy and out of it the whole time, and it was making me sleep insane amounts, Wellbutrin and Zoloft, both of which were fine the first couple of days before making me feel freaked out and disassociated. I would like to try something besides antidepressants just to see if I respond better, but I don't know how to bring that up without seeming like I'm trying to take advantage of the system to get high.

I have been going to a behavioral health clinic, so I did see an actual psychiatrist. It's just that it's kind of a bureaucratic mess so it's hard to get anything done or see who you want to see or get much attention, but on the plus side, I don't really have to pay for it. I was seeing my mom's psychiatrist for awhile by going to his walk-ins, and he was pretty cool and was willing to try different things, but after awhile they made me see someone else because I wasn't assigned to that doctor's team. This woman is alright, but I'm not as at ease with her and I feel like she's only willing to try certain meds. I don't know. I've also seen a counselor twice, but he seems like a jackass. He kind of talks down to me and gives me sheets to fill out that are covered in smileys and stupid, shitty graphics. He keeps trying to hammer in the point that what you think, what you do, and how you take care of your body contribute to how you feel, which is really fucking obvious. I'm going to try seeing him one or two more times before requesting someone else.

Exercise and a proper diet definitely go a long way towards improving your mood, but it can only go so far. Some times it's really hard to get motivated to exercise when you can barely stand to leave your room. Especially in the winter. Still, I could stand to get a lot more exercise. I wish the YMCA wasn't so damned expensive.

Weed just makes me more anxious and depressed, which is why I stopped taking it. I wish I did enjoy it. I was definitely a lot calmer and less prone to rage fits when I was getting high all the time.

My wife is on Lexapro. She digs it. I see a difference. Brain shivers are a bitch with any anti-depressant. Sex drive gone like with any anti depressant. I hate working so hard now.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 12:49 PM
I think a greater issue is that too many people are unwilling to really look at their own lifestyle and behavior in relation to their mental state, yet continually hop from medication to medication in hope of finding a magical pill.



Would you tell a cancer patient not to look for "hope in a magical pill" of chemotherapy treatment?

this whole notion that mental illness is somehow self-inflicted is wrong. it needlessly and misguidedly stigmatizes people who suffer from the various diseases.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 12:56 PM
I'm not misquoting you. I'm telling you you're wrong.

Exercise and marijuana are not substitutes or replacements for appropriate clinical treatment. If they work "for you" it's because you never were bipolar, psychotic, or clinically depressed to start with.

Your mindset is misguided because you, like so many others, see mental illness as something that can just be wished away if you try hard enough and want it bad enough. Anxiety and depression are medical conditions caused by actual brain physiology and chemistry issues. Yes, exercise affects brain chemistry, which is why I agreed it is good for managing stress. But your implied suggestion (which you weakly caveated with "for me", though you didn't actually mean it) that exercise can be an appropriate substitute for antipsychotics etc is foolish.

how do you honestly know that i think mental illness can be washed away? i suggested what i do to clear my mind, because i think that that could contribute to someone's recovery. i didn't say some people don't need meds, i said that i don't. i figure that a lot of people are under the impression that medicine is the only help, which it is not. this is not to say that exercise or pot are the cure-all for mental illness, either.

i really like how you warp whatever i say into an argument wherein you can just blindly categorize me as a fool. you quoted me, incorrectly at that, and i clarified what i meant. what more do you want? you are seriously the biggest jackass i've ever had the pleasure of entertaining on these message boards.

have a nice day.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 12:59 PM
Would you tell a cancer patient not to look for "hope in a magical pill" of chemotherapy treatment?

this whole notion that mental illness is somehow self-inflicted is wrong. it needlessly and misguidedly stigmatizes people who suffer from the various diseases.

and seriously, do you think anyone who posts in this HELP thread is trying to stigmatize those with mental problems? get off the offensive and fucking collaborate with other members. this isn't just a thread for you to jack off in like all the others.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 01:00 PM
In response to humanoid:

Yeah. I definitely agree with what you're saying. I know my lifestyle is keeping me down, but at the same time, I don't know how to change it. Sometimes, I try to change different things, but nothing seems to stick. I'm trapped by my bad habits, and occasionally, I'm able to shake them for a period, but eventually I always relapse. I try to keep busy, work on minor personal projects, present challenges to myself (for example, I didn't eat meat for a month to try to break bad eating habits, although I'm right back to eating like shit again). Still, I feel like I have no support structure. I have no job and therefore no money. I have very few friends, and have a really hard time meeting new friends and getting close to people. I live in a dead end town where there isn't much to do, especially when you're young, poor, friendless, and feel like an outsider. I could go on like this for hours but the board is not my therapist so I won't. The point being I'm very much aware that I'm the cause of 90% of my problems and yet I don't know how to change them. I think that is a large part of why I feel like I need meds and therapy. I'm sure if I were more active, joined social groups, volunteered, etc., I'd feel a lot better, but I'm kind of terrified of the world and those types of situations make me really uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like I'm at rock bottom and I need something to help me climb up. I'd really rather not take meds and have been avoiding them for years. They scare me, I hate feeling like I have to rely on pills to survive day to day, it's not a good idea to mix them with alcohol & drugs. It's kind of a last resort.

humanoid
10-09-2009, 01:04 PM
Would you tell a cancer patient not to look for "hope in a magical pill" of chemotherapy treatment?

no, of course not. I think that is quite a bit different too though. The detection of cancerous cells is rather definite. The regulation of detection and prescription of mental health issues isn't quite as definite.

If you have legitimately been to a psychiatrist and have done the proper blood work to determine a legitimate chemical imbalance, then medication can be appropriate.

when primary care physicians and psychiatrists prescribe meds based upon a half assed evaluation of a patient (as I have seen done numerous times) without the proper clinical testing to justify the clinical diagnosis, this can be dangerous.

Tom, I'm not saying medications shouldn't be used in any case, I'm saying that too many look at that as the only option without also looking at ways they can help themselves as well without also attaining a new pharmaceutical addiction.


Don't worry, I'm a Scientologist, we are Masters of the Mind, me and Tom Cruise.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 01:05 PM
My wife is on Lexapro. She digs it. I see a difference. Brain shivers are a bitch with any anti-depressant. Sex drive gone like with any anti depressant. I hate working so hard now.

Cool, thanks. All this positive feedback about Lexapro is encouraging. Considering the pool of potential mates I have to choose from in Ohio, a dead libido might be a blessing.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 01:13 PM
Yeah. I definitely agree with what you're saying. I know my lifestyle is keeping me down, but at the same time, I don't know how to change it. Sometimes, I try to change different things, but nothing seems to stick. I'm trapped by my bad habits, and occasionally, I'm able to shake them for a period, but eventually I always relapse. I try to keep busy, work on minor personal projects, present challenges to myself (for example, I didn't eat meat for a month to try to break bad eating habits, although I'm right back to eating like shit again). Still, I feel like I have no support structure. I have no job and therefore no money. I have very few friends, and have a really hard time meeting new friends and getting close to people. I live in a dead end town where there isn't much to do, especially when you're young, poor, friendless, and feel like an outsider. I could go on like this for hours but the board is not my therapist so I won't. The point being I'm very much aware that I'm the cause of 90% of my problems and yet I don't know how to change them. I think that is a large part of why I feel like I need meds and therapy. I'm sure if I were more active, joined social groups, volunteered, etc., I'd feel a lot better, but I'm kind of terrified of the world and those types of situations make me really uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like I'm at rock bottom and I need something to help me climb up. I'd really rather not take meds and have been avoiding them for years. They scare me, I hate feeling like I have to rely on pills to survive day to day, it's not a good idea to mix them with alcohol & drugs. It's kind of a last resort.

are you involved with school?

support groups?

religious groups?

AA? NA?

i know a lot of people who have benefited just from being around other people who go through the same problems - and trust me, if you're in a dead end town like you say, there are others there afflicted by what's hurting you.

the reason i bring up school, and why i think it is the best thing to keep your mind off the problem is that most schools will both keep you busy and support you when in need. what i mean by this is that, even though they might not seem like your first choice, many schools, community college or university, offer some sort of mental health support and most of them are free, either through classes, private counseling, or collaborative groups. and if you are broke, assuming you are 24 or otherwise independent as outlined by your county or state, college should be free or discounted in some way or another. i know i qualify for any and all state-sponsored help for school because i am disabled.

if that's not an option for you, though, i'd suggest seeking out other people through aforementioned or other support groups. i don't know how severely afflicted you are by alcohol or drug abuse, and trust me i've seen the worst of the worst, but finding a sponsor or other people like you can be the most helpful form of self-help therapy.

likewise, depending on how frequent your alcohol and drug use are, there definitely are anti-depressants and medications out there that can vastly improve your brain chemistry, which is usually the option that sparks a full recovery. trust someone who went from Effexor to Zoloft to Lexapro to Ativan to Xanax and eventually Valium; there are various levels of treatment (at least) for anxiety and depression. some of them work, some don't, but you really ought to find a way to minimalize at least your drug use before hopping on any medication. think that instead of using street drugs to escape your problems, the medically prescribed drugs can replace the effects you get from these drugs at least in the sense that they will improve your brain chemistry to the point of no longer "needing" a relapse.

i know all of these things can be extremely overwhelming, and sometimes preposterously expensive, but you've got to start somewhere if you're serious about improving your life. you can only rely on yourself to commit to the first step of climbing out of your depression, but once you make that commitment having people around, getting that daily exercise i push so hard, as well as a combination of medication and professional observation will all be extremely helpful in the end.

again, the thread's not about TomAZ. i hope that my advice could help YOU. :]

locachica73
10-09-2009, 01:13 PM
I didn't notice any decrease in libido, just a decrease in my fits of rage over stupid shit. I didn't really feel any side effects until he increased the dose to 2 pills a day and then suddenly I just didn't give a fuck about anything. Good or bad. So if you get on it and find that you are feeling alot better and the doc suggests increasing the dose just be careful you don't end up on the other side of the spectrum. Numbness is not a good feeling.

But be aware that it did take about 2 weeks for me to even feel any changes in my mood. They start you at a low dose and increase it. I started at half a pill for a week, then a full pill for a week where I stayed for a couple months.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 01:14 PM
oh, and i highly endorse Lexapro. that is the only anti-depressant that worked for me at all. is there any way in which you can qualify for said treatment?

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 01:23 PM
Just to clarify, I don't have a drug or alcohol problem. I drink like once or twice a week, sometimes less, and I usually just do drugs (hallucinogens or mdma) on rare special occasions like music festivals. I haven't done anything harder than alcohol since July.

My problem with social/support groups are: a.) I get really nervous around people I don't know b.) I have a hard time relating to 99.5% of the population and c.) I'm a misanthrope who is convinced 99.5% of the population are fucking obnoxious idiots. Basically, I need to move to a big city. I just want to see if I can find some meds that work first.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 01:27 PM
well, in that case, i'd say try the Lexapro. it is the most mellow anti-depressant of the 10 or so i had to try. totally non-intrusive, at first you won't even notice the change in your attitude, and if you experience it like me, it'll just happen. all of my other prescriptions still stand, and i'd recommend trying any of them, but if support groups aren't your thing, they just aren't your thing.

likewise, i thought i'd mention that if you ever feel like you COULD benefit from talking to someone, i'd be delighted to be that person. not trying to intrude, but just saying IF.. :]

Young blood
10-09-2009, 01:36 PM
Just to clarify, I don't have a drug or alcohol problem. I drink like once or twice a week, sometimes less, and I usually just do drugs (hallucinogens or mdma) on rare special occasions like music festivals. I haven't done anything harder than alcohol since July.

My problem with social/support groups are: a.) I get really nervous around people I don't know b.) I have a hard time relating to 99.5% of the population and c.) I'm a misanthrope who is convinced 99.5% of the population are fucking obnoxious idiots. Basically, I need to move to a big city. I just want to see if I can find some meds that work first.

Say goodbye hallucinogens. I tried to trip mushrooms with my wife a couple times and she just gets frustrated. Lexpro kills demons and mythical woodland creatures.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 01:41 PM
how do you honestly know that i think mental illness can be washed away? i suggested what i do to clear my mind, because i think that that could contribute to someone's recovery. i didn't say some people don't need meds, i said that i don't. i figure that a lot of people are under the impression that medicine is the only help, which it is not. this is not to say that exercise or pot are the cure-all for mental illness, either.

i really like how you warp whatever i say into an argument wherein you can just blindly categorize me as a fool. you quoted me, incorrectly at that, and i clarified what i meant. what more do you want? you are seriously the biggest jackass i've ever had the pleasure of entertaining on these message boards.

have a nice day.

This still doesn't make you any less wrong.

Let me use simple words so that there will be no misunderstanding. You said exercise and marijuana are a good substitute for anti-psychotics for you. (anti-psychotics is your word, not mine.) I say you're full of shit. I say that if you actually had any need for an anti-psychotic medication, then exercise and marijuana would not solve your problems.

Now you say "i suggested what i do to clear my mind". I am not sure what clearing one's mind has to do with psychosis (which, you know, is what anti-psychotics are prescribed for). Again, I say you are full of shit.

TomAz
10-09-2009, 01:46 PM
no, of course not. I think that is quite a bit different too though. The detection of cancerous cells is rather definite. The regulation of detection and prescription of mental health issues isn't quite as definite.

If you have legitimately been to a psychiatrist and have done the proper blood work to determine a legitimate chemical imbalance, then medication can be appropriate.

when primary care physicians and psychiatrists prescribe meds based upon a half assed evaluation of a patient (as I have seen done numerous times) without the proper clinical testing to justify the clinical diagnosis, this can be dangerous.

Tom, I'm not saying medications shouldn't be used in any case, I'm saying that too many look at that as the only option without also looking at ways they can help themselves as well without also attaining a new pharmaceutical addiction.


Don't worry, I'm a Scientologist, we are Masters of the Mind, me and Tom Cruise.

I think we are mostly in agreement here, but I do want to point out that I think that differentiating the need for prescription drugs to treat physical conditions from mental conditions is based on (or results in) an inherent stigmatization of mental illness. Do we know as much about the brain as we do about the heart? No. Does that mean that mental diagnoses have a greater potential to be incorrect than physical diagnoses? Yes. Does that mean mental health patients shouldn't have access to best possible treatment? of course not.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 02:02 PM
agreed. and my poor wording above is apparent. basically, i used to have mental problems, i got on the right track by starting out on Lexapro and eventually moving to small doses of Valium to virtually eliminate the problem, and now i keep myself fit and mentally relaxed by getting physical exercise. is this more agreeable?

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 02:04 PM
nonetheless, i am not full of shit. i am only talking from personal experience. whether or not i can describe that experience to the technical reasons for my recovery is my own problem with the english language.

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 02:25 PM
And I think it's overly simplistic to think that Patrick or anyone can just exercise his condition away.

Well, have you looked at Patrick recently? I'm not saying there's not a good chance he has a chemical problem, but some exercise might alleviate a lot of things.

Tom's both right and kinda not right on the subject. There are plenty of people who have true chemical imbalances that can't be consciously controlled through any amount of behavior modification.

But frankly this isn't the case for most people. A lot of the people who are crazy and usually stay that way despite medications are crazy because they can't deal with themselves. Behavioral therapy works to a degree. The problem is most folk can't step outside or inside themselves enough to really fix what's wrong.

There's an important distinction to be made here: there's a big difference between being depressed because you live in Ohio and can't find a job and shit legitimately sucks (which I think is true of Patrick) and being therefore somewhat rationally imbalanced as a result and cases wherein people cannot stop being depressed and miserable no matter how well their lives are going.

All this being said, there's no way Patrick couldn't benefit from a salad. Just as a start.

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 02:26 PM
Also Lexapro is not an anti-psychotic, Devin, nor are any of the meds that have been discussed in these threads.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 02:30 PM
i didn't mean that it was an anti-psychotic, and if i said that i mistyped. i was however under the impression that Xanax, which i did mention, was a temporary anti-anxiety anti-psychotic relief medicine.

also, loads of fun. :p

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 02:31 PM
P.S. sorry i was such a stingy jackass at the beer garden this year. i should have just given you the pills, they ended up ruining my night. haha

Young blood
10-09-2009, 02:33 PM
P.S. sorry i was such a stingy jackass at the beer garden this year. i should have just given you the pills, they ended up ruining my night. haha

you and randy hangout with each other?

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 02:33 PM
Xanax isn't an anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety yes. Popular anti-psychotics are Thorazine, Clonazine, Risperdal, Zyprexa, Seroquel, Haldol. Anti-psychotics don't feel good like benzos. They just knock the fuck out of you.

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 02:34 PM
I've met Devin a couple times for drug exchanges. I forget what beer garden transaction he's referring to.

Seriously though, he's 4'10" and looks like he's fourteen. It was kinda frightening. I thought I was gonna get busted for selling to an eighth grader or something.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 02:35 PM
you and randy hangout with each other?

on occasion i black out and call him up on the polo fields. it's a strange, love-hate relationship. i aim to correct this next year, though.

PRESENTS FOR ALL!

ok inappropriate for the thread i'm done. :p

amyzzz
10-09-2009, 02:35 PM
Anti-psychotics made my mom sleep all the time. Not fun.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 02:36 PM
I've met Devin a couple times for drug exchanges. I forget what beer garden transaction he's referring to.

Seriously though, he's 4'10" and looks like he's fourteen. It was kinda frightening. I thought I was gonna get busted for selling to an eighth grader or something.

yeah.. when you first met me that must have been trippy. thanks for those little blue dots though! they rocked.

rskapcat
10-09-2009, 02:38 PM
Well, have you looked at Patrick recently? I'm not saying there's not a good chance he has a chemical problem, but some exercise might alleviate a lot of things.

Tom's both right and kinda not right on the subject. There are plenty of people who have true chemical imbalances that can't be consciously controlled through any amount of behavior modification.

But frankly this isn't the case for most people. A lot of the people who are crazy and usually stay that way despite medications are crazy because they can't deal with themselves. Behavioral therapy works to a degree. The problem is most folk can't step outside or inside themselves enough to really fix what's wrong.

There's an important distinction to be made here: there's a big difference between being depressed because you live in Ohio and can't find a job and shit legitimately sucks (which I think is true of Patrick) and being therefore somewhat rationally imbalanced as a result and cases wherein people cannot stop being depressed and miserable no matter how well their lives are going.

All this being said, there's no way Patrick couldn't benefit from a salad. Just as a start.

Randy, I don't always agree with you, but you make a great point here. No amount of medication will help a person's circumstances.

Patrick's social issues definitely complicate the situation. I'm not sure the doctors are taking the right approach just throwing anti-depressants at the problem. Any depression issues I have stem from anxiety issues. Treating the depression only took care of half of the equation.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 03:12 PM
But frankly this isn't the case for most people. A lot of the people who are crazy and usually stay that way despite medications are crazy because they can't deal with themselves. Behavioral therapy works to a degree. The problem is most folk can't step outside or inside themselves enough to really fix what's wrong.

There's an important distinction to be made here: there's a big difference between being depressed because you live in Ohio and can't find a job and shit legitimately sucks (which I think is true of Patrick) and being therefore somewhat rationally imbalanced as a result and cases wherein people cannot stop being depressed and miserable no matter how well their lives are going.

I'm not really sure how much is situational and how much is psychological and how much is chemical. I have been pretty miserable no matter where I was and how things were going. In fact, I'd probably say I was even more miserable in California as I had all the same problems plus I had to scrape for rent and live off ramen.

Some times people's situations suck because their mental state sucks. Am I a fucking wreck because I can't find a job or can I not find a job because I'm a fucking wreck? I'm not sure how much is each for me, but it's kind of a cycle. A bad situation fuels a depressed state of mind which makes it hard to improve a bad situation.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 03:18 PM
Randy, I don't always agree with you, but you make a great point here. No amount of medication will help a person's circumstances.

Patrick's social issues definitely complicate the situation. I'm not sure the doctors are taking the right approach just throwing anti-depressants at the problem. Any depression issues I have stem from anxiety issues. Treating the depression only took care of half of the equation.

Right. That's what I'm worried about with these meds. I definitely think I have some kind of mental block that keeps me from doing what I want to do to the point where I need therapy and medication to overcome it. I just don't know if depression is it. I feel like maybe depression is the symptom more than the syndrome and would like to try addressing the situation from another angle. It's just really difficult thing to do within the community behavioral health clinic system since they kind of just push you in and push you out as quickly as possible. I'm worried that they meds they're prescribing are triggering symptoms for a different imbalance because I've been misdiagnosed. But the only thing I can do is try different things out and deal with the consequences and watch as the months fly by with no progress.

gaypalmsprings
10-09-2009, 03:28 PM
and now i keep myself fit and mentally relaxed by getting physical exercise. is this more agreeable?

No. Spend all your extra time in the Coachella Message Board. Exercise is bad for you. Your muscles get all big and stuff, your heart pumps more blood, and your butt shrinks.

rskapcat
10-09-2009, 03:29 PM
Two things: 1) I have a friend who has had problems with social anxiety in the past, and I know she's taken medication that helps. I don't mind chatting with her to see what worked. 2) If you take Lexapro and it doesn't work for you, be careful coming off of it. I took Celexa (Lexapro's grandpappy) for a few years. Instead of weaning off gradually like my doctor recommended, I quit cold turkey. HOLY. CRAP. I was a WRECK. Seeing shit that wasn't there, paranoid, anxious...just a mess.

TheWatcher
10-09-2009, 03:39 PM
Personally I am very wary of the meds, etc. I have not had much luck with the system myself. At one point in my life I made the mistake of going to the emergency room with chest pains, and ended up in the 3-day observation thing where they pump you full of drugs and try to get you to say you are seeing things, or depressed, or something, anything, so that they can justify giving you more drugs. And I am pretty sure it was only because I mentioned that a doctor had given me a VERY small dosage of Haldol (the smallest possible), which had helped me with the symptoms of insomnia, chest pains and problems with eating. Actually, it was probably the pill they give you to counteract the side effects of the Haldol that was helping me. Anyway...

I can tell you that I was not acting in any way as if I were in need of anti-psychotic medications. And, I think they were probably disappointed that the megadoses of Haldol they gave me didn't really have much effect at all on me. I didn't sleep a lot, did not turn into a zombie, etc. Just got the side effects. I looked it up later, and it seems that many people could have OD'd from the amount they gave me. (Doctors often really suck!)

My daughter was on Lexapro for some time, then Celexa, (or the other way around, not sure). It might have helped her, I am not sure. At some point she wanted to get off of it, and the doctor was reluctant but we insisted, and she is fine without it.

I can tell you that a VERY common effect of the anti-depressive and anti-psychotic drugs is that you gain a fair amount of weight, and this seems to have a life-long effect; even if you were never fat, you may never be able to get down to a normal weight again.

Well, I do believe that exercise, a good diet and support from friends and family are very important. You might also want to look at alternative medicine. We get so much poison in our systems from this world we live in, it can really mess you up.

I hope you find something that helps.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 04:44 PM
No. Spend all your extra time in the Coachella Message Board. Exercise is bad for you. Your muscles get all big and stuff, your heart pumps more blood, and your butt shrinks.

oh yeah this too.

(you're the best gps)

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 05:14 PM
Right. That's what I'm worried about with these meds. I definitely think I have some kind of mental block that keeps me from doing what I want to do to the point where I need therapy and medication to overcome it. I just don't know if depression is it. I feel like maybe depression is the symptom more than the syndrome and would like to try addressing the situation from another angle. It's just really difficult thing to do within the community behavioral health clinic system since they kind of just push you in and push you out as quickly as possible. I'm worried that they meds they're prescribing are triggering symptoms for a different imbalance because I've been misdiagnosed. But the only thing I can do is try different things out and deal with the consequences and watch as the months fly by with no progress.

Try to see if you can get on Adderall, honestly. It's one of the best treatments for the symptoms you describe, which I also suffer from. It makes getting out of bed and doing all the shit that you just seemingly can't bear bringing yourself to do for no reason other than they're an annoyance completely tolerable.

bobert
10-09-2009, 05:17 PM
Adderall, huh Randy? That would certainly explain the 20,000+ posts.

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 05:23 PM
Hey, I'm not even in the top three anymore. Ask those motherfuckers what's their problem.

But yes, Adderall--the answer to being better at almost anything and fucking like a god.

Devin the Dude
10-09-2009, 05:24 PM
nothing wrong with adderall.

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 05:26 PM
Plus you'll lose a lot of weight.

Young blood
10-09-2009, 05:39 PM
I know damn well I need to be on something, but I would rather fight it. Cocaine one night every 3-4 months, pain killers, booze, working as hard as I can and having hobbies keep me focused. Lack of focus will kill me by my own hands. I refuse to be on something I cant quit. Thats just me.

Young blood
10-09-2009, 05:40 PM
Im pretty sure when Im 65-70 and cant do it anymore ill pull a hunter.

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 05:42 PM
J, you and I got a lot in common.

Young blood
10-09-2009, 05:51 PM
It sucks but its fun. The mean is keeping death in its place.

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 06:04 PM
I just don't like the idea of dying by anyone's hands but my own.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 06:04 PM
Try to see if you can get on Adderall, honestly. It's one of the best treatments for the symptoms you describe, which I also suffer from. It makes getting out of bed and doing all the shit that you just seemingly can't bear bringing yourself to do for no reason other than they're an annoyance completely tolerable.

Yeah. I hate most speed, but I've taken Adderall when I've had to drive a lot and other various times, and it's always done me pretty well. I have some serious ADD issues, but who the fuck doesn't in this day and age? I'd imagine it's difficult to get prescribed considering the potential for abuse though.


Plus you'll lose a lot of weight.

I thought Jews were supposed to be funny.


I know damn well I need to be on something, but I would rather fight it. Cocaine one night every 3-4 months, pain killers, booze, working as hard as I can and having hobbies keep me focused. Lack of focus will kill me by my own hands. I refuse to be on something I cant quit. Thats just me.

This had been my attitude for the past couple of years, but it's gotten me nowhere except living in my mom's attic again. I really hate the idea of being on meds. I'd rather self medicate if it were possible, but a.) I suppose it's irresponsible and I'm already irresponsible as all hell b.) I have shitty connects c.) I'm poor. In fact, my overwhelming poverty and the crushing debt of student loans is a huge factor in keeping me completely fucking miserable. If I had enough money I could probably fill my life with enough pointless bullshit to distract me from myself, but I don't, so I can't.


J, you and I got a lot in common.

The cruelty never ends.

RotationSlimWang
10-09-2009, 06:07 PM
I wasn't trying to be funny. Losing weight helps with depression, seriously. I was WAY more depressed when I was fat. When I got skinny at 16 I was still crazy but I was unbelievably less miserable.

It's about getting healthy man. Mentally and physically. The two are not exclusive.

gaypalmsprings
10-09-2009, 06:10 PM
DJ AM was at least alive when he was fat.

SoulDischarge
10-09-2009, 06:17 PM
I don't think I'm ever going to be skinny. Just my metabolism. My health could use a boost. I do try to change my eating habits, and some times I succeed. For a month I pretty much stopped eating junk/fast food, ate fruits and vegetables every day, cooked for myself, etc. But I ended up relapsing. I think I'm going to do the no meat thing again since it seems to be the only way I'm capable of restricting myself from eating shitty food non-stop. I'm not too worried about losing weight. I'm not self conscious about my weight to a large degree. Since I find big guys attractive, it seems really stupid to feel unattractive because I'm fat. Health is really my only concern (and being able to find clothes easier).

Exercise is something I really suck at and I don't know why. I enjoy certain types of exercise (walking, swimming, biking), but I have a really hard time getting motivated to do it. It'd help if I had a good bike or a membership to somewhere with an indoor swimming pool. When I was a kid, I spent hours a day biking around town. Even as a teenager, I walked a lot just because I hated being stuck at home all the time. I had a great bike in LA, but god is that the worst fucking city for biking. Still, it's something I just need to work on forcing myself to do. It's way harder in the winter too. Fuck some ice and snow. Any recommendations for good, cheap winter time exercises?

Courtney
10-09-2009, 06:22 PM
Try to see if you can get on Adderall, honestly. It's one of the best treatments for the symptoms you describe, which I also suffer from. It makes getting out of bed and doing all the shit that you just seemingly can't bear bringing yourself to do for no reason other than they're an annoyance completely tolerable.

I have no idea how I would get my hands on Adderall now that I'm out of an academic environment, and I also don't think too highly of folks who abuse it on a regular basis, but if I knew with 100% certainty that I could schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist and get a prescription, I'd seriously consider it. My ability to get stuff done seems to be decreasing with each year.

TheWatcher
10-09-2009, 06:43 PM
Any recommendations for good, cheap winter time exercises?

I guess skiing is out of the question since it's expensive. If you live near a hilly area you can try tobogganing. Lots of exercise getting back up the hill, and it's fun. Find some kids to make snowmen with. :) Make money shoveling people's sidewalks... I guess you can tell I have not lived in a snowy area since I was a kid.

Courtney
10-09-2009, 06:48 PM
Are there free outdoor places to ice skate near you Patrick? Ice skating rules.

rskapcat
10-09-2009, 06:53 PM
If Patrick goes ice skating...I demand pics. :)

marooko
10-21-2009, 10:31 PM
I'm trying not to be, but it isn't working very well.

Courtney
10-21-2009, 10:37 PM
Trying not to be what, marooko?

faxman75
10-22-2009, 09:27 AM
Somethings going on. I come home at night, turn off the lights and lay in bed depressed most of the night. I can't find the will to do a god damned thing. The weather is finally perfect here too. I have ideas but actually doing something or finding motivation hasn't happened. I fail at taking charge. I have a lot of stuff bottled up and burried inside that I refuse to confront as well. Everything just seems to be getting me down. I think I have both a wedding and a funeral within the next week as well. I may skip the funeral. I'm not really looking forward to the wedding so much either. Last but not least my ex girlfriend who is my kids mom just committed a felony 2 nights ago, agg assault on a cop as she was telling them to go fuck themselves she ran over one of their feet with her car apparently. Now, I don't give a fuck what she does but her kid that I have volunteered to take care of forever, doesn't have a god damned role model around. Mom is now a felon. His grandpa who took care of him quite a bit and would see him every day has been in prison for the past 18 months with about 6 months to go. His biological father who has not seen him since he was 16 months old (he's 11 now) has been in and out of prisons in S. Dakota for his whole life and has never tried to contact him, his grandma's boyfriend just got out of jail for an extreme aggrivated DUI, his aunt has an ex boyfriend who is the father of her kid awaiting trial for 2nd degree murder and her new boyfriend is now also running from the law, his other aunt had her kid taken away because she was a meth head.

Here I am with no blood relation to this kid and the only thing stable in his entire fucking world and at the end of the day, not only does he have no structure but he's special needs and he had two biological parents with mental illnesses. As terrible as the situation is, I could never bail and ditch out on him. As emotionless as I feel at night, I sit here seething about shit during the day. It's not healthy.

TomAz
10-22-2009, 09:40 AM
Mark it sounds to me like you are really stressed, and with good reason, you have a shitload of stressful stuff you've taken on. Your taking care of the kid that's not yours earns you a pat on the back and a hug but that doesn't make it any less stressful. Stress can be a cause of depression and that sounds like where you are at. Not sleeping probably makes it worse. Fortunately you are self-aware and can see your situation with what appear to be clear eyes. Next step is to find a professional to talk to who can help you with your stress, depression, and sleep disorders.

rskapcat
10-22-2009, 09:45 AM
Mark, do you get any exercise at all? I agree with Tom that you need to talk to a professional, but something as simple as a short walk in the afternoon can help clear your mind. Not a miracle cure or anything, but it might help you sleep better.

locachica73
10-22-2009, 09:52 AM
Sleep makes a huge difference. Last year when all the things were going on with my kids I went through a similar feeling. Not having any motivation to do anything. Lack of sleep then effected my health and your metabolism which then adds to the depression and you end up in a cycle of self loathing. If you have a primary care doc see if they can put you on some sleeping pills. Don't do the over the counter crap if you can help it because you end up feeling more tired and less motivated. The walking will also help with sleep. Just try to get through one thing at a time and hopefully you will see a light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck Mark, it is a horrible feeling I know.

faxman75
10-22-2009, 09:52 AM
Your probably right Tom. I'm in denial about a lot of stuff but a professional does seem like the obvious next step. I told myself I wasn't going to rant about the child situation but I think I have so much inside I need to go talk things out at the very least with a pro. Maybe if I did I wouldn't be ranting about it on a public message board.
I'm definitely overwhelmed at times and I pretty much shut down and I get to the point where leaving the house becomes a hassle and then I justify it by saying I need to stay in to save money. As if there isn't anything in the world that's free like going over to hang out with a friend or even a damn walk. Nope, just staying in and not dealing with people and just shutting down so I don't have to come up with rational ways to deal with my real issues.

faxman75
10-22-2009, 10:02 AM
Mark, do you get any exercise at all? I agree with Tom that you need to talk to a professional, but something as simple as a short walk in the afternoon can help clear your mind. Not a miracle cure or anything, but it might help you sleep better.

Becca, no I don't. I am very familiar with the benefits of walking too and I know how to lose weight and from that the energy and endorphin rush is always good. I've lost 90 lbs before. This is another reason a pro is a good idea. The weight thing is psychological as well. When I get in shape I feel like a different person and get more attention and decent looking ladies give me the time of day but I almost can't handle that either. I end up being resentful almost of the fact that they wouldn't talk to me when I was unhealthy. That's some logic, right? I don't know how to have a normal healthy relationship because I haven't had a lot of normal and healthy relationships in life.

As far as the sleep goes, I think maybe I should be more specific. I basically come home, take my dog out so he can do his thing and at some point usually between 7-9PM I get so bored I pass out for a bit (usually an hour). Then i'm up until about midnight and sleep from about midnight to 6am. So i'm probably getting enough sleep, I do sometimes just lay there though wondering wtf is wrong with me. I think the weight plays into a lot of this as well.

Young blood
10-22-2009, 10:15 AM
Get involved in the art community. Phoenix has first Fridays right? Its amazing how much being able to express your self in art and music for free will do for you. If you can get creative with shit thats around you for free and making connections it opens up a whole new world.

Getting out and being apart of something new and creative does wonders for your mental heath. Maybe get your kid involved there are tons of art programs for special needs kids, even if you started it, you will be amazed at how people flock to you and your ideas. Im sure there are many families with kids in your situation looking for a common bond.

faxman75
10-22-2009, 10:21 AM
It's certainly a lively atmosphere. I was about to start writing a book. I have an outline and about 2 pages written so far then of course I lost direction or maybe it was just motivation again. Smoking less pot, walking and getting culture once a month seems like a good start while I figure out how to go about making an appointment with someone.

TomAz
10-22-2009, 10:22 AM
Your probably right Tom. I'm in denial about a lot of stuff but a professional does seem like the obvious next step. I told myself I wasn't going to rant about the child situation but I think I have so much inside I need to go talk things out at the very least with a pro. Maybe if I did I wouldn't be ranting about it on a public message board.
I'm definitely overwhelmed at times and I pretty much shut down and I get to the point where leaving the house becomes a hassle and then I justify it by saying I need to stay in to save money. As if there isn't anything in the world that's free like going over to hang out with a friend or even a damn walk. Nope, just staying in and not dealing with people and just shutting down so I don't have to come up with rational ways to deal with my real issues.

don't beat yourself up for shutting down. it's understandable and sometimes it's the right thing to do. although i think for people like you (&me) venting about it usually works better.

algunz
10-22-2009, 10:52 AM
I was having similar issues with sleep, stress, and panic attacks. My doctor prescribed Ativan for the insomnia and it has helped tremendously. Being able to sleep has really helped control the stress during the day.

I would also recommend Yoga. It is so great for you physically and mentally.

BROKENDOLL
10-22-2009, 12:32 PM
faxman, (Mark)
First I want to commend you for taking on a responsibility that really wasn't yours, that makes you more of a man than many out there in my eyes. And, while I don't know what you lie in bed stressing about at night, whether it be your worth, your faults, health issues, whatever, but without realizing it, you may already have something in your life that will help you see things differently...An 11 year old that really needs you right now. As adults, we tend to look at the big picture and get overwhelmed by the issues surrounding it...Money and bills, being successful VS failing, you know, heavy issues. Those can drag you back and down, making you forget little things that can be appreciated in life.
You know who can remind you of those little things that made you smile and laugh before the big things took over your thoughts? Your 11 year old "son." (I know, you're probably stressing out some on the financial responsibility it may add, but think about the things that might be running through his mind right now...) While most 11 year olds are worried about that killer bike they want, or the latest game craze going 'round, he's probably worried about just having somebody love him and believe in him, and so far, it seems all the somebody's are slipping away...Except you. The difference you're making in his life by being there and caring will be far more rewarding than any monetary reward. And, that kind of Love doesn't cost much! I'm not sure if you mentioned whether he was living with you or not. It sounded to me more like most of his other options are gone, so I'm assuming so. Maybe those nights you walk the dog, the three of you could make it a routine, a time to explore, and talk. You'd be amazed what 11 year olds still see ahead in life that we as adults may have forgotten about looking at, and while you may feel unmotivated, he's at an age just brimming with energy and ideas, but nobody to help him focus or add encouragement. I think you mentioned in another thread about him starting football on Saturday's. I'm sure you like football, and once you help him see something positive up ahead, his energy and happiness will surely help lift your spirits. (As well as tire your ass out enough to make sleep come a little easier.)

I know I'm no mental expert,:rolleyes but, after being unemployed for the last 6 months, I've lost my motivation and confidence, and began letting those issues creep in...enough to let the positive things slip wayside. If I suddenly had the responsibility of making someone elses life better for them, I think the reward would be seeing something better in myself in the end. Just my:2c

faxman75
10-22-2009, 01:24 PM
Thanks Bev, I do get a ton of gratification from the time I spend with him. I wish I could home school him, I know he has enough social problems as it is but he's slipping through the cracks. I never evne saw his last report card last year. I'm not sure his mom did until the middle of July or something either. I don't get it. I don't hold him responsible for that, I hold the mom he lives with responsible. I only see him one night a week and in that 24 hour period I know I give him for love and attention than he gets the other 6 days combined. I'm by no means perfect, sometimes I let him watch TV for hours or zone out on his PSP but I am always aware and I always make a point to change things up. From Friday night to Saturday afternoon we have focus, a routine and nothing but quality time. He struggles with reading, he is getting pushed through school without learning basic things. I go nuts when I ask him simple questions and don't get a response because he doesn't know. So I talk to him and tell him the answer and now we go to the library once a month for books and we set aside one hour for reading every Saturday morning before he goes to flag football. His mom always used to rant to me that I ruined her quiet little boy with video games and Wrestling but while there is some truth to me turning him on to these things I never once saw her in the 4 years we were together take the time to do what i'm doing now that we aren't. It's so simple really. He's not even against it I thought he might be. He enjoys the books. All I do is come into the living room and ask him if he is ready to read. I tell him it is entirely up to him when he does it but we aren't going to get to Football if he doesn't do it. Another thing is you don't say read and then run off to the other room and ignore the kid. I grab a book (I rarely read but have started to show him it's not punishment to read and that even I need to do it order to feed the brain) and sit down on the other side of the couch and we both quietly read for a good 45-60 minutes. I also didn't want him to watch the clock so there is no time limit on it. It's been going so fantastic. We also go to the park and play football for about the same amount of time or until he gets tired or bored.

His mom's new boyfriend most definitely spends more time with him than she does as well. We all get along really well but I know i'm very passive aggressive. Even though I appreciate how well we all get along and that I get to stay in Connor's life I have a lot of resentment and I don't do much in the area of confronting issues like that head on so on Saturday AM the three of us sit there together watching flag football. It's an odd situation indeed but one I created and a lot of my issues in the child situation come from resentment and lack of a spine. I failed at ever communicating my displeasure in the relationship and as far as setting terms upon our break up. I remember moving out and her flipping out about how I was going to continue to be there for Connor and I was so happy to be done with living there that I didn't even know how to say "hey, I don't know how this all works and it's shitty but I don't know that i'm prepared to still be in this kids life" I mean, how do you say that? Why am I the only person who didn't know how to question this entire thing? It's to the point now where i'm beyond greatful for the situation and I have come to understand the importance of the role I play in his life and I wouldn't trade it for the world but there is most definitely another part of me that I struggle with that makes me feel like the worst person in the entire world for ever even considering some alternative or not being in his life at all. That's huge. I look around and I don't have any peers who I know that do what I do. Nobody is in my situation. Not one of my friend has ever broken up with a girl after a long term relationship and continued to take care of a child that wasn't biologically theirs. So I stress about this situation. When we were together we used to talk about adoption quite a bit and I was in favor of it and she continued that chatter after we broke up but I would blow off the subject. I can live with the current situation but i'm not comfortable with tying myself legally in any way. I don't need her to decide in a year or two that she wants child support or help with this and that. She is not my responsibility. I pay for everything we do each and every weekend but I have no desire to contribute any further so I wonder what happens when this new guy leaves her and she is left for broke. None of these real seroious conversations are easy and mostly we discuss things via text because I admit I am afraid of her reactions to anything and everything. I hate that fear.

Finally, a couple of months ago I told her that we need to sit down and explain to Connor all the questions he hasn't asked or really figured out yet. He's 11 and i'm not going to have this kid resent me later. He doesn't really understand he has a biological father he doesn't know. He doesn't grasp why all of our last names are different and he's been given generic answers by mom. He's confused about stuff. Is it my right to sit him down alone and tell him this stuff and how exactly do I go about it? Jesus this is heavy stuff. Mom seemed to be on board with this idea and we were going to do it over dinner at some point but again, him mom sucks at communication with her son, she sucks at quality time with him as well so I think i'll be waiting forever and I should just have this discussion with im myself. I don't know. It's getting late though and I think he needs to find out much sooner rather than later.

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions and continuing to listen to me blather on about this stuff. This is all really personal, I just hope I don't regret posting all this in the future. Ha.

Courtney
10-22-2009, 02:32 PM
Faxman, I'm sorry to hear that things are tough for you right now, but I'm glad that you're taking the first step by acknowledging that there's a real problem and talking about it. I hope you will take the next step today and start researching where you can go and see a professional about treatment options, as Tom suggested.

I have been going through a rough patch myself recently, in part because my father (who has cancer) is not doing so well. But I saw a psychiatrist this morning, for the first time in years, so I'm working on getting through it all. I'm also making a point to go to yoga and kickboxing class more often, and forcing my friends into a standing weekly brunch date for gossip and venting, so I think that will help. I know from experience that an empty calendar is my own worst enemy.

faxman75
10-22-2009, 02:57 PM
I'm sorry to hear that Courtney. I do have benefits at work, I just never use them so I guess now is the time. I just need to assert myself now. Sounds like you have a good plan. Exercise can definitely be cathartic but I spend most of my time wondering why I can't get my ass moving. Things are are gonna change I can feel it. I have some goals too so it's just the plan of action to attain them. I feel better today just opening up about all of this. It's been rough rehashing it all but hopefully I can make my health and my situation better over the next several weeks and months. You seem to have a great plan of action. Friends, fun exercise and the shrink. That's seems like it covers everything and if you skip one on a day you hae the other two to keep you centered.

It's odd because I am pretty social and I do get out and travel and hell, I went to LA about 4 times in 10 days back in September. I do plenty of stuff to enjoy life but right now it's a little rough.

I also have wondered if I do all this travel and concert going in other states just to get away or run away from whatever problems are here at home. I don't know. I definitely overthink and over analyze stuff.

RotationSlimWang
10-22-2009, 02:59 PM
I think there's a distinct trend in this thread over the past two weeks we should take note of: fat people are sad. You should all attempt not being fat and see if it helps with the sad.

Just kidding. Actually not really kidding that much as there is a definite connection, but if life hasn't motivated you to not be fat naturally it's unlikely that depression will. Fax, go see a therapist. Whenever I hear (or in this case, see) someone talking about how they have emotional problems but aren't comfortable talking about them my first thought is "then you're fucked and you're gonna stay fucked." A lot of the reason why psychological therapy is effective at all has nothing to do with the quality of the feedback you get from the doctor but just the simple fact that the more you talk about the things you otherwise keep bottled up, the better you feel and more comfortable you are with yourself.

Sometimes we get depressed because life is genuinely shitty and it makes sense. Sometimes we get depressed without any evident reason why and it doesn't. In both circumstances, the simple act of vocalizing the bullshit we carry around inside us can free us from its power.

This is the main reason that I'm the douchebag that has revealed every little detail of fucked-upness from my life on a music festival message board. And I rarely ever hesitate sharing any of the skeletons y'all know about me with people in real life either. Spent most of my adolescence pathologically lying about everything to cover whatever was bothering me up and it made it infinitely worse.

If you can free yourself from shame, you can free yourself from practically everything.

Mr. Dylanja
10-22-2009, 03:05 PM
*begins the slow clap*

chairmenmeow47
10-22-2009, 03:08 PM
free yourself from shame, isn't that the truth. i had panic attacks all through high school keeping everything in.

i didn't read everything fax, but *hugs* :)

faxman75
10-22-2009, 03:25 PM
Randy, very true and I understand completely, especially the stuff about fat. In fact the weight is a big part of the pscychology issue, after seeing a therapist or whatever I wouldn't be surprised if that helps clear the way for whatever sabotage I have created for it. I have always found you to be a decent a person and respect your opinion quite a but I think you know that. Thanks for the tips and of course good luck back east.

Listening to the Artie Lange saga and brilliant Stern interviews like the one the other day with Tracy Morgan sure kills a good 4 hours a day and makes me smile quite a bit too.

Funnily enough I downloaded an Anthonoy Robbins book a few months back and have listened to a bit over an hour so far and he is actually good at connecting some of the dots, makes you write down and make lists and one of the best things he said that stuck with me is that you have to be disturbed before you take action meaning if you aren't disturbed about your current weight, job or anything in life really, then you aren't going to change anything in life. Once you get disturbed that's when you ultimately take action. I'm on the brink.

Also regarding the shrink, I think that would be his use as well. I know where a lot of stuff originates from but saying it out loud and realizing it and having the shrink lead to connect more dots is definitely something I understand. I don't expect to walk into the office and have the guy say here take this and you'll be better or for him to give me answers to all the questions I have about life. It's obviously shit I need to work though.

Thanks Ivy. I don't expect you to read everything. I wrote way more than I expected to in the last couple of pages.

Mr. Dylanja
10-22-2009, 03:29 PM
i didn't read everything either time faxy but you know youre my boy. even if youve psychologically raped me more than once.

amyzzz
10-22-2009, 03:33 PM
I hope you get the help you need, faxy. You're a great guy. I'm not too good with words and Tom and Courtney pretty much said everything I would if I could just say it.

BlackSwan
10-22-2009, 03:41 PM
Given the problems you have described, I fully support seeking professional help. It seems you have a lot to sort through and the only solution for that sometimes is a new perspective from a more objective party. Just don't let them put you on drugs right away.

faxman75
10-22-2009, 03:48 PM
Just don't let them put you on drugs right away.

I have little interest in medication for these things so i'll definitely be skeptical of any early drug suggestions. :)

Mr. Dylanja
10-22-2009, 03:49 PM
Reading some of the back story I suggest exercising, it automatically makes you feel better about yourself for doing it and you will sleep better from being physically tired.

faxman75
10-22-2009, 03:51 PM
zzz's and D$, you know I love you guys :pulse

Thanks.

marooko
10-22-2009, 03:54 PM
Trying not to be what, marooko?

Depressed, anxious, that kind of thing.

amyzzz
10-22-2009, 03:57 PM
zzz's and D$, you know I love you guys :pulse

Thanks.
I remember after NIN at Bonnaroo when I was wading through the sea of people and freaking out, I saw you and Tommy finally, and I knew I was safe. :)

Mr. Dylanja
10-22-2009, 04:09 PM
That's weird because every time I see Amy I think to myself, "shit's about do go DOWN."

RotationSlimWang
10-22-2009, 04:13 PM
Randy, very true and I understand completely, especially the stuff about fat. In fact the weight is a big part of the pscychology issue, after seeing a therapist or whatever I wouldn't be surprised if that helps clear the way for whatever sabotage I have created for it. I have always found you to be a decent a person and respect your opinion quite a but I think you know that. Thanks for the tips and of course good luck back east.

Listening to the Artie Lange saga and brilliant Stern interviews like the one the other day with Tracy Morgan sure kills a good 4 hours a day and makes me smile quite a bit too.

Funnily enough I downloaded an Anthonoy Robbins book a few months back and have listened to a bit over an hour so far and he is actually good at connecting some of the dots, makes you write down and make lists and one of the best things he said that stuck with me is that you have to be disturbed before you take action meaning if you aren't disturbed about your current weight, job or anything in life really, then you aren't going to change anything in life. Once you get disturbed that's when you ultimately take action. I'm on the brink.

Also regarding the shrink, I think that would be his use as well. I know where a lot of stuff originates from but saying it out loud and realizing it and having the shrink lead to connect more dots is definitely something I understand. I don't expect to walk into the office and have the guy say here take this and you'll be better or for him to give me answers to all the questions I have about life. It's obviously shit I need to work though.

Thanks Ivy. I don't expect you to read everything. I wrote way more than I expected to in the last couple of pages.

Tony Robbins actually isn't nearly as full of shit as he should be given what he is, but then again he doesn't really do much except give good advice in a convincing way. He basically just encourages people not to be lazy shitheads and understand that nothing will change in your life unless you do something to affect change. That was one thing I realized when I dropped the extra fifty pounds I was carrying in fifty days without growing an inch taller the summer I was 17--the only reason I was fat is I just didn't want to bother making the effort to not eat so much. This is summarized in my Rules To Living, in fact it's rule numero uno:

Rule Number One: Don't fuck up your own shit.

There's enough shit in the world working against us as it is. Life is a constant pain-in-the-ass negotiation with the rest of the world to get what you want while having to do as little shit you don't want as possible. The last thing we need given the six billion other assholes on the planet getting in our way is make trouble for ourselves in the process, but more often than not the problems that really fuck with people are ones they inflict on themselves.

I don't know where I was going with this. In closing, I think your best course of action is to kill the retarded kid and extricate yourself from the whole situation. Then stop buying cupcakes. If you're still not okay after those steps, seek professional help.

amyzzz
10-22-2009, 04:15 PM
I don't know where I was going with this. In closing, I think your best course of action is to kill the retarded kid and extricate yourself from the whole situation. Then stop buying cupcakes. If you're still not okay after those steps, seek professional help.
...kinda wanna sig this.

RotationSlimWang
10-22-2009, 04:19 PM
There is no such thing as wanting but not doing. If you really wanted to, you would.

I dare you.

Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuussy...

Young blood
10-22-2009, 04:26 PM
Stop being a pussy should be the answer to all of life's problems. It has worked for me so far.

Devin the Dude
10-22-2009, 04:33 PM
that is a really good signature. i don't want to jack someone else's sig, though. titties.

faxman75
10-22-2009, 04:33 PM
I don't know where I was going with this. In closing, I think your best course of action is to kill the retarded kid and extricate yourself from the whole situation. Then stop buying cupcakes. If you're still not okay after those steps, seek professional help.

I'm already plotting. :) That reminds me of another dozen issues :rolleyes

BROKENDOLL
10-22-2009, 04:33 PM
I think there's a distinct trend in this thread over the past two weeks we should take note of: fat people are sad. You should all attempt not being fat and see if it helps with the sad.

Just kidding. Actually not really kidding that much as there is a definite connection, but if life hasn't motivated you to not be fat naturally it's unlikely that depression will. Fax, go see a therapist. Whenever I hear (or in this case, see) someone talking about how they have emotional problems but aren't comfortable talking about them my first thought is "then you're fucked and you're gonna stay fucked." A lot of the reason why psychological therapy is effective at all has nothing to do with the quality of the feedback you get from the doctor but just the simple fact that the more you talk about the things you otherwise keep bottled up, the better you feel and more comfortable you are with yourself.

Sometimes we get depressed because life is genuinely shitty and it makes sense. Sometimes we get depressed without any evident reason why and it doesn't. In both circumstances, the simple act of vocalizing the bullshit we carry around inside us can free us from its power.

This is the main reason that I'm the douchebag that has revealed every little detail of fucked-upness from my life on a music festival message board. And I rarely ever hesitate sharing any of the skeletons y'all know about me with people in real life either. Spent most of my adolescence pathologically lying about everything to cover whatever was bothering me up and it made it infinitely worse.

If you can free yourself from shame, you can free yourself from practically everything.
Okay, it's rare we ever see eye to eye, Randy, but I have to agree with most of this post as far as spilling the feelings out making a person feel better about themselves. My question now is, if after releasing all their skeletons and fucked-upness to feel better about their situation, why do some have a tendency to start in on someone elses fucked-upness, misfortune, or weaknesses?

SoulDischarge
10-22-2009, 09:21 PM
Sorry to hear about all that faxman. You've gotten a lot of good advice so far so there's not much I can add to it. I can definitely relate about not feeling motivated to leave the house, shutting down and justifying it, over-analyzing. I think that's a large part of my problem too. I guess we just need to find ways to force ourselves to break through it. I think I might make a resolution to spend a minimum of two hours outside the house every day. Most days I only leave to get food or something like that, so something like that might help prevent the shutting down. Setting up small simple daily goals does help a lot. I've mentioned this before, but I didn't eat meat for a month simply to break bad eating habits and it helped a lot. I cooked for myself more, almost cut out fast food completely, ate some kind of fruit and vegetable every day. Finding ways to stick to a regiment is the difficult part. Some times just avoiding feeling like a total failure is motivation enough. Other times you might need to set up some kind of system of self-reward/denial-of-reward system, i.e.: if I stick with this for a month, I'll allow myself to go to this slightly expensive show I've been on the fence about. Shit like that. Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

faxman75
10-22-2009, 10:37 PM
Right on Patrick, we'll be fine :) Starting small is always the way to go, a friend of mine from back home used to call it "back to basics". Just walking a bit and moving more and eating a bit less and changing things up to add fruits and veggies.

locachica73
10-23-2009, 07:18 AM
I have been really stressed lately, not so depressed, just a lot of anxiety. The small goals thing has helped me, kind of like the one foot in front of the other mentality. Today I finally get to move my shit to the new place, and even though I hate moving, it will be one step towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Just remembering that it will get better and has definately been worse is the only thing that gets me through the day at times.

TomAz
10-23-2009, 07:22 AM
I'm also making a point to go to kickboxing class more often

don't cross Courtney. she'll fuck you up, man.


If you can free yourself from shame, you can free yourself from practically everything.

This may be the wisest thing anyone has ever posted on this board ever.

JebusLives
10-23-2009, 07:52 AM
ok, here are some of my reasons for being against anti-depressants

studies have shown increased excercise is just as effective in treating depression as anti-depressents.

studies have also shown that there is absolutely no difference in the neurotransmitter levels (seratonin, norepinephrine, etc.) between people who are clinically depressed and those who are not.

I read that study... came out last year or so. The researchers were very clear that they do NOT recommend anyone stop taking their medications, especially those with severe depression. The study simply suggested that users weren't improved in a statistically significant manner vs. the placebo group. This study is also contradicted by several others, and more research is necessary.

Do you have a link to it perchance? I can't seem to find it. You probably want to read it again.

TomAz
10-23-2009, 08:06 AM
ok, here are some of my reasons for being against anti-depressants

studies have shown increased excercise is just as effective in treating depression as anti-depressents.

studies have also shown that there is absolutely no difference in the neurotransmitter levels (seratonin, norepinephrine, etc.) between people who are clinically depressed and those who are not. so, there is no kind of chemical imbalance with people who are depressed - the problem is that there is something going on in their lives that is making them unhappy. anti-depressents do not address this. there are many genetic liability genes, but those genes alone can't be the sole cause of depression - some environmental factors have to be involved.

if you really want to increase the amount of seratonin in your brain, i would say that a better way of doing so would be to eat healthier foods. healthier foods generally leads to more seratonin in your brain. turkey, for instance, has an amino acid called tryptophan in it that is converted to seratonin.

also, everyone knows about this already, but the unwanted side effects from anti-depressants can be very significant.

9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!!!!!!!

SoulDischarge
10-23-2009, 08:23 AM
I thought 9/11 is a joke?

amyzzz
10-23-2009, 09:15 AM
faxman: SOUTH BEACH DIET.

TomAz
10-23-2009, 09:19 AM
Yes, Mark, all you have to do is buy a diet book, eat lo-carb breakfast bars, and walk around the block a few times, and all your problems will be cured. Isn't it nice to know it's that simple, and really, it's all your fault to begin with? You must be so relieved.

TommyboyUNM
10-23-2009, 09:24 AM
Yes, Mark, all you have to do is buy a diet book, eat lo-carb breakfast bars, and walk around the block a few times, and all your problems will be cured. Isn't it nice to know it's that simple, and really, it's all your fault to begin with? You must be so relieved.

He should also read "The Secret." That's the answer to everything.

SoulDischarge
10-23-2009, 09:34 AM
He should also read "The Secret." That's the answer to everything.

That shit's for poseurs. If you want the real deal, you need to pick this baby up:

http://thealisttv.com/wp-content/uploads/alchemistbook2.jpg

amyzzz
10-23-2009, 09:37 AM
YES TOM WE KNOW EXERCISE AND DIET ARE NOT THE WHOLE PACKAGE.

TomAz
10-23-2009, 09:52 AM
ooooooh look how mad you're getting!

humanoid
10-23-2009, 09:56 AM
ooooooh look how mad you're getting!

a little exercise should clear that right up

bobert
10-23-2009, 09:58 AM
You know what's depressing? Using an online message board as one's primary means of social expression. All the pills and twinkies in the world won't make this whole experience any more fulfilling. Tony Robbins would agree.

amyzzz
10-23-2009, 10:02 AM
You know what's depressing? Using an online message board as one's primary means of social expression. All the pills and twinkies in the world won't make this whole experience any more fulfilling. Tony Robbins would agree.
It's better than what I did before.

TomAz
10-23-2009, 10:05 AM
You know what's depressing? Using an online message board as one's primary means of social expression. All the pills and twinkies in the world won't make this whole experience any more fulfilling. Tony Robbins would agree.

the whole 'ridicule the message board' schtick is old and threadbare. And you're making presumptions when you say "primary".

chairmenmeow47
10-23-2009, 10:31 AM
i actually was going to say something similar to bobert but decided against it cause i couldn't articulate my point well. when i'm happy in life, i tend to be on the internet less, which is why i'm not really on at home and only on like a fiend at work. but i'm also happier when i'm busy, which may be another factor. it's not just a mental thing, but a physical thing too. i mean,, regardless of the activity?

don't get me wrong, i think the internet is a great way to meet people and have friends that you may never normally meet or see based on location or interests. but i think there is some validity to the argument.

amyzzz
10-23-2009, 10:33 AM
I guess I'm on here so much because my job is boring. :/ I don't log on at home unless I'm really caught up in some board shenangians.

humanoid
10-23-2009, 10:52 AM
amy, your job must be really, really, really boring

bobert
10-23-2009, 10:54 AM
the whole 'ridicule the message board' schtick is old and threadbare. And you're making presumptions when you say "primary".

Not ridiculing anyone or anything. I enjoy the board a lot - it's a great diversion, free, and usually much better than a newspaper. That said, there are times when I feel that I'm on here too much, that the interactions with other board members aren't amusing, productive, or particularly healthy. And I'm not even at 900 posts yet. I'm not trying to be a judgmental asshole, just offering the possibility that if one feels depressed, isolated, and shut in; perhaps this isn't the best venue to be seeking comfort. Your internet friends can't love you back, no matter how many emoticons they plaster on their posts.

Young blood
10-23-2009, 10:58 AM
Do not devalue mine and TomAz's love. We love it each other and will make it work. I love you TomAz.

Young blood
10-23-2009, 11:03 AM
:pulse:afu

amyzzz
10-23-2009, 11:05 AM
I don't think I'm ready to have real-life friends yet.

locachica73
10-23-2009, 11:14 AM
After I seperated from my husband online friends were all I really had. I had been so isolated while married that I wasn't secure enough in myself to venture outside of the computer. Babysteps man, thats all you can do. Find little things you enjoy, where you can interact with others, and just take a step at a time. My internet friends filled a need, and then many of them ended up becoming real life friends, then as my confidence went up I was able to go out more and enjoy myself around faces instead of words. Now I only get online at work and don't even have internet at home.

faxman75
10-23-2009, 12:14 PM
Not ridiculing anyone or anything. I enjoy the board a lot - it's a great diversion, free, and usually much better than a newspaper. That said, there are times when I feel that I'm on here too much, that the interactions with other board members aren't amusing, productive, or particularly healthy. And I'm not even at 900 posts yet. I'm not trying to be a judgmental asshole, just offering the possibility that if one feels depressed, isolated, and shut in; perhaps this isn't the best venue to be seeking comfort. Your internet friends can't love you back, no matter how many emoticons they plaster on their posts.

I think most people who post here are posting at work. I know for a fact that most of these people also know each other in real life so it's not an internet exclusive relationship. I also don't know that people are coming here for comfort. They are coming here for entertainment and this thread specifically as a place to vent or get a little support. It's not about emoticons, it's about knowing the people you are talking to and most of the time it's people I have actually met and some of the times it's not but I don't see them as being any less genuine.

Courtney
10-23-2009, 12:36 PM
Do not devalue mine and TomAz's love. We love it each other and will make it work. I love you TomAz.

:pulse

Mr. Dylanja
10-23-2009, 12:48 PM
Amyzzz packed my bags and sent me on a guilt trip this morning and I've been depressed ever since.

amyzzz
10-23-2009, 01:05 PM
I'm not apologizing for that. I will have fun without you!

BROKENDOLL
10-23-2009, 01:28 PM
Not ridiculing anyone or anything. I enjoy the board a lot - it's a great diversion, free, and usually much better than a newspaper. That said, there are times when I feel that I'm on here too much, that the interactions with other board members aren't amusing, productive, or particularly healthy. And I'm not even at 900 posts yet. I'm not trying to be a judgmental asshole, just offering the possibility that if one feels depressed, isolated, and shut in; perhaps this isn't the best venue to be seeking comfort. Your internet friends can't love you back, no matter how many emoticons they plaster on their posts.
Great! Now, not only do I suffer from depression and feel isolated and shut in due to unemployment, I can add sucker for verbal abuse to my list! Fabulous!


I don't think I'm ready to have real-life friends yet.
I've recently begun wondering about the same thing myself. Are real life people much different than internet people? If not, I find comfort in knowing I didn't waste my time shaving my legs for anything, or worry about sitting in my jammies all day, and best of all... if someone pisses you off..."Click, bye-bye!"

Of course I'm still left sitting here unemployed, depressed, and isolated with my own inner thoughts...

frozen pilgrim
10-23-2009, 01:30 PM
Your internet friends can't love you back, no matter how many emoticons they plaster on their posts.
I'd say that based on the hugs, laughter, music, road trips, blunts, and all around awesomeness I've shared with people from this board, that statement's totally invalid.

bobert
10-23-2009, 02:10 PM
My statement was a bit affected and sarcastic and certainly doesn't apply to everyone. My main point was that the whole online experience is a sorry excuse for real, person to person interactions. It's the difference between speaking and typing, reading someone's text on a computer monitor or hearing someone speak, sitting on your ass or getting out of the house, masturbating to internet porn or having sex. If you've used the message board to make friends, meet up, and have awesome real-life experiences with them - more power to you. Some people don't have that much balance in their lives.

SoulDischarge
10-23-2009, 02:31 PM
Some times people can't strike that balance for various reasons. Some people are naturally reclusive and shy and have social phobias and neuroses, making it difficult to meet friends in real life. Some people don't have many opportunities to meet new people, especially ones with a similar interests or compatible personalities. I doubt many people actually prefer having the message board account for an inordinate majority of their social interactions, but if it's what you've got, you learn to appreciate it for what it is and what it can offer. Also, I think we're past the point where internet interactions are considered socially invalid. Internet relationships are different but not inferior. You lose certain things from real life interactions, but you gain certain things too. In a sense, internet relationships can work on a deeper level because all you have is your personality to display. It's easy to spend large amounts of time with someone in real life doing things with them without finding out all that much about who they really are. You choose your own level of involvement online. In 2009, it's getting boring hearing the "the internet isn't real" speech.

Suffacated
10-23-2009, 02:36 PM
It's so real that I often get my feelings hurt.

bobert
10-23-2009, 02:37 PM
You choose your own level of involvement online.

Completely agree. Now if only this conversation were real....

SoulDischarge
10-23-2009, 02:44 PM
The only point in having real life conversations is to get laid.

faxman75
10-23-2009, 04:37 PM
My statement was a bit affected and sarcastic and certainly doesn't apply to everyone. My main point was that the whole online experience is a sorry excuse for real, person to person interactions. It's the difference between speaking and typing, reading someone's text on a computer monitor or hearing someone speak, sitting on your ass or getting out of the house, masturbating to internet porn or having sex. If you've used the message board to make friends, meet up, and have awesome real-life experiences with them - more power to you. Some people don't have that much balance in their lives.

That's the part that doesn't make sense. As I stated we all kinda know eachother at least the last few pages of us typing. So who was your message directed towards and how was it relevant when you posted it?

faxman75
10-23-2009, 04:39 PM
The only point in having real life conversations is to get laid.

and for some that's only after several electronic conversations via message boards, e-mails and text messages. CYBER! Sorry I had to take that one all the way back to 98'.

faxman75
10-26-2009, 03:51 PM
I made an appointment for next Friday. Holy shit what a pain in the ass that was. Called insurance who gave me a list of providers. I call the provider and make an appointment. Then I had to call back the insurance and tell them which provider and finally I need to bring in some number to give the provider from the insurance company.

I have more anxiety now that the appointment is made. I went to a wedding on Saturday night and had a great time. Sunday was back to feeling like shit super fast. I almost blew off this whole idea but i'm glad I didn't.

algunz
10-26-2009, 03:54 PM
My thoughts are with you, faxy. All will right it self eventually. :)

SoulDischarge
10-26-2009, 03:57 PM
I'm starting to become convinced that I'm not actually clinically depressed or anything but am just experiencing a perfectly sane reaction to a world that's completely fucked. Which leads me to think all of you dealing with it fairly well are total psychopaths or complete retards.


Good to hear fax. Dealing with those places is enough to trigger a panic attack in itself. And I can almost guarantee your first session will feel like a total waste of time. I guess it's better than doing nothing though.

faxman75
10-26-2009, 05:00 PM
Well, I'll let you know if it's better than nothing. For starters her web page has quotes from J.K. Rowlings and a link to a Harry Potter website amidst all of her qualifications, years of experience and specialties. I was told I get 8 free visits a year. Somehow seeing a shrink every 6 weeks doesn't seem like enough to get anything done. I'm keeping an open mind though and it doesn't cost me a penny so no harm no foul, just my time. On the way home today I almost had road rage....well not really just my usual honking my horn at the idiots who sit still at the yellow light when they should be turning left.

Thanks for the thoughts Gunz :)

sbessiso
10-26-2009, 05:02 PM
i should be posting in this thread more

SoulDischarge
10-26-2009, 05:05 PM
Yeah. I'm in a similar situation. I get scheduled to see my counselor every 5 or 6 weeks or something, and the guy seems like a condescending tool who wants me to fill out this piece of paper filled with smilies and clip art aimed at first graders every time I see him. There should be a rule about your therapist needing to be smarter than you.

gaypalmsprings
10-26-2009, 05:08 PM
Listen to the voices in your head. They are real.

SoulDischarge
10-26-2009, 05:13 PM
Can you rephrase that as a stupid and unfunny picture please?

gaypalmsprings
10-26-2009, 05:17 PM
http://rlv.zcache.com/listen_to_the_voices_in_your_head_tshirt-p235771035033339065yae6_400.jpg http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/031206/real.gif

SoulDischarge
10-26-2009, 05:18 PM
Thank you.

gaypalmsprings
10-26-2009, 05:21 PM
Thank you.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/102/298993997_4413428e43.jpg

faxman75
10-26-2009, 05:36 PM
Yeah. I'm in a similar situation. I get scheduled to see my counselor every 5 or 6 weeks or something, and the guy seems like a condescending tool who wants me to fill out this piece of paper filled with smilies and clip art aimed at first graders every time I see him. There should be a rule about your therapist needing to be smarter than you.

The good news is if they think I am in need of MORE therapy it goes from the free county benefit to my actual insurance which is a $10 co pay and another 20 visits or something. If it's worse than that then there would be a diagnosis that would also keep me covered. Sounds like I have decent insurance. I have not used any of my benefits since I started 2.5 years ago. I guess it's time for a tune up. I should get a check up, make an eye appointment and head to the dentist except I have one problem. I think both the eyed doctor and the dentists are scam artists who chose to disregard all ethics and tell you that you need all kinds of things you don't.

Courtney
10-26-2009, 07:27 PM
Yeah. I'm in a similar situation. I get scheduled to see my counselor every 5 or 6 weeks or something, and the guy seems like a condescending tool who wants me to fill out this piece of paper filled with smilies and clip art aimed at first graders every time I see him. There should be a rule about your therapist needing to be smarter than you.

I think the trick is finding a therapist whose approach is right for you. Personally, I think Freudian psychoanalysis is ridiculous (if it even exists anymore) and Jungian psychotherapy isn't much better. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is pretty neat.

TomAz
10-27-2009, 05:58 AM
I'm starting to become convinced that I'm not actually clinically depressed or anything but am just experiencing a perfectly sane reaction to a world that's completely fucked. Which leads me to think all of you dealing with it fairly well are total psychopaths or complete retards.


I have also read Catch-22.

gaypalmsprings
10-27-2009, 06:29 AM
I should get a check up, make an eye appointment and head to the dentist except I have one problem. I think both the eyed doctor and the dentists are scam artists who chose to disregard all ethics and tell you that you need all kinds of things you don't.

I'd schedule an appointment with a proctologist. It sounds like you have a pair a 'noids.

amyzzz
10-27-2009, 06:35 AM
I think both the eyed doctor and the dentists are scam artists who chose to disregard all ethics and tell you that you need all kinds of things you don't.
That's ridiculous. At least, I've never had that experience with eye doctors or dentists.

rskapcat
10-27-2009, 06:37 AM
I've never had an eye doc try to upsell me on anything. Dentists, yes.

amyzzz
10-27-2009, 06:40 AM
My current dentist advised me to get a semi-filling on the side of my teeth to combat the senstitivity I felt there. I got it, I'm not sensitive there anymore, boom. Done.

TomAz
10-27-2009, 06:48 AM
I think both the eyed doctor and the dentists are scam artists who chose to disregard all ethics and tell you that you need all kinds of things you don't.

Totally agree with this about dentists. Totally, 100% agree.

gaypalmsprings
10-27-2009, 07:02 AM
Eyed doctors are better than non-eyed doctors.

locachica73
10-27-2009, 07:21 AM
Fax, just know that the first few visits to any therapist are rough. It might even bring you down more than where you are. You sit in there for an hour and tell them your life story, it feels like whining to an extent. Then when you leave you feel so completely drained from sharing all your shit that you just want to curl up in a ball and cry. But once that is done then they can start to work on the problems. The road is a long one though. I went through months of therapy several years ago when my kids were small, then my insurance changed and my old therapist couldn't see me anymore. I basically had to start over. I have gone through this a few times and each time it seems more and more difficult. So even if you get through several visits and start to feel a little better, keep going. Get it all out, whatever "it" might be, and resolve as much as possible because this is not a process you want to start again in a couple years.

faxman75
10-27-2009, 07:51 AM
Totally agree with this about dentists. Totally, 100% agree.

Last time I went was in 2002. I got my cleaning and they took x-rays. He tells me he would like to give me a fake tooth and that will get rid of any gaps I have and told me I should have braces and they should dislocate my jaw and all this other stuff. He quoted me too without me even asking. It would run me about 8-12K. I told him, no thanks I can't even afford crowns if I need them let alone 8-12K. He said we can do it a little at a time and I haven't been back since.

The eye doctors have told me my whole life my vision is just going to get worse. The last time I went to an eye doctor was in 1998. He told me that I needed glasses but not contacts because my prescription isn't strong enough for the weakest contact prescription but that if I don't wear glasses my vision would just get worse and worse. I've been told that since I was 8. I have never worn glasses. My stubborness as a kid coupled with the lack of threats by my parents to wear the investment led to me ignoring the eye doctor. My left eye seems to correct the bit of blurriness I have in the right eye and i've been to eye doctors offices where they try to push every frame, solution, warranty on you under the sun.

locachica73
10-27-2009, 08:07 AM
I had similar experiences with dentists, telling me I need a few crowns, which I got but then he told me I needed to get a bite guard costing about a grand, braces for a slight overbite, a few other things and then after I spent several grand I would need veneer caps because I have always been a grinder/clencher and I have ground my teeth down to that of a 60 year old. At the time I barely even had insurance and 2 kids that needed braces. So I told them if that was the case they could just take all my teeth out and give me dentures because I couldn't afford to put enough money to buy a car into my mouth. I would rather do that anyway since I have some very serious fear of the dentist. I have to be medicated just to get a cleaning.

amyzzz
10-27-2009, 08:37 AM
I have to be medicated just to get a cleaning.
There are some really nice hallucinogenic drugs dentists offer for anxiety, Jacob has discovered.

locachica73
10-27-2009, 08:40 AM
Yeah they give me the conteious sedation because I end up in panic attacks just listening to the drill. I pop two pills before going to the dentist and then they give me more when I get there. It adds about $100 to each thing I have done but I can't and won't go without it. I get panicky just thinking about it.

faxman75
10-29-2009, 01:20 PM
For the record I am taking this seriously and i'm just not looking forward to the awkwardness of what therapy entails. I spent a good portion of my life from about 17 years old to about 30 always joking that all girls are just fucking nuts. What I didn't realize all those years is that of course that would be my perspective when the only girls I have dated all have mental disorders. Every single one on medication and diagnosed and at a very early age I turned myself into that 'savior' role. For years my best friend back home would talk about how i'm an amateur psychiatrist and I have people pegged and how great I was at getting people through stuff. I fed the attention of mentally ill women becaue it made me feel useful but I was obviously passive aggressive about it since I would later laugh that all women fell into this mold. All that did was create an unfair stereotype and give me some sort of ego all the while feeding my co dependency. Who the fuck do I think I am to not have compassion for the person who is sick but think i'm so much better because i'm not? Yet off to the doctor I go, the hypocracy is now glaring. This observation is another I should print out because when it comes down to it and you are sitting in that room, I bet a zillion dollars I butcher everything I'm trying to get out or maybe it's not important since it's just something I noticed about myself.

Courtney
10-29-2009, 01:27 PM
I wonder if this should be made into a private social group. Or maybe folks are just more comfortable sharing personal stuff on the internet than I am.

faxman75
10-29-2009, 01:31 PM
I've always been accused of sharing too much information on the web. This wouldn't be the first time. :) I figure morsels of this have to be at least a little interesting to others as well.

Young blood
10-29-2009, 01:38 PM
Captn save a ho, should be your board title.

TommyboyUNM
10-29-2009, 01:40 PM
Fax, check your email.

I honestly do think that therapy of this sort could have very positive effects. But one of the absolute key things to remember is that the therapist isn't going to fix your problems for you. You are in charge of shouldering the workload in this process. That person is there just as a guide who should have some pretty insightful things to say if he/she is worth a shit. Don't go in expecting to be handed the answer. Just expect working with someone so you can find it for yourself. And if this person gives you homework assignments, take those seriously and do them.

faxman75
10-29-2009, 02:04 PM
Thanks for the e-mail Tommy. What the hell happened to D$'s post that was after yours?

faxman75
10-29-2009, 02:05 PM
Captn save a ho, should be your board title.

Beautiful. :)

amyzzz
10-29-2009, 02:06 PM
D's been deleting posts like a madman lately.

locachica73
10-29-2009, 02:08 PM
Fax, I hear ya, I went through a very long period of trying to save every person who came along, to the detriment of myself.

In fact I am going through that right now. My son's friend has been staying at my house for 2 weeks now because his mother decided to shack up in some hotel downtown to be a meth whore. I have put up with it for now because the idea of sending him into foster care hurts my heart but I can't really afford another teenage child. I am struggling with what to do about this situation. But the save a soul part of me just can't turn him over to child protective services. Being the nice person can sometimes bring you down, I know.

amyzzz
10-29-2009, 03:55 PM
I feel like I'm juggling 15 different balls in the air at once, and I'm afraid I'm going to make some colossal mistake trying to get away from it all.

gaypalmsprings
10-29-2009, 04:29 PM
I'd be lucky to juggle 2 balls.

BROKENDOLL
10-29-2009, 04:48 PM
I wonder if this should be made into a private social group. Or maybe folks are just more comfortable sharing personal stuff on the internet than I am.
You know, the thought of sharing my personal stuff with like, say 3-4 people, bothers me more than just sharing my personal stuff with 1000's upon 1000's. I mean, obviously, I've shared enough that neither should really matter, but I was just considering your statement and idea, and that's my first initial reaction.

I've always been accused of sharing too much information on the web. This wouldn't be the first time. :) I figure morsels of this have to be at least a little interesting to others as well.
They are, and they're more apt to make others feel okay about sharing themselves more openly instead of hiding whatever issues they have. The fact that so many more can see it makes it seem more obscure, like you're just another face in the crowd.

IDK...this is how my brain ticks, anyway...

faxman75
11-06-2009, 12:46 PM
Session 1:

I arrived with my paperwork filled out. I was a bit uncomfortable talking at first but I obsessively think about this so much lately I was able to get most everything I said here out, she did a lot of typing. She asked about my child hood and I told her about some of the traumatic things that went on there like my moms abusive second husband who pointed a gun at me when I was seven and used to make me chew aspirin an I heard he plucked my eyelashes because he thought the were too long and other crazy stuff. We talked a lot about Connor and my role in his life and his lack of a male role model and father figure and stuff. My anxieties about being unsure of what my role is in his life and the relationship I had with his mom.

She then asked me if I have seen my primary care physician. I asked her about what and she said antidepressants. I told her I had not and I would rather try to work through these things without medication. She said she didn't want to push me towards it but she would be bringing it up again and it would be sooner rather than later. I'm not sure how I feel about that but for now i'm keeping an open mind yet resisting. It turns out she is not a psychologist but a psychotherapist. Which is fine and the insurance's fault because they gave me the list but it's a good start. I just didn't expect her to throw out antidepressants so fast. I think she put the fact that I have added 90 lbs and that I crawl into bed when I get home at night as sign of pretty bad depression.

She asked me about all previous drug use. She started by asking if I smoke weed. I told her I did. She asked how much. I told her 1/8th every 2-3 weeks. I told her the list of other drugs I have done when I was younger and that I did acid in 2008. I was honest about everything. Our session lasted about 65 minutes. She said we would talk more about me defining my role in Connor's life next time. She asked me if I was worried about my ex going to jail and if I wondered who would take care of Connor, I said a little but the ex didn't think it was going to be all that serious. We talked about my relationships with women and the patterns of getting into them and then when they are over turning into a turtle and not wanting to date at all for extended periods of time. It was definitely me doing most of the talking. She did seem to have trouble trying to focus me on one areas as I was all over the place and had a ton I wanted to get out. I was also emotional for most of it. I do this thing where as I talk my eyes just get more and more filled with tears but I avoid that whole streams of tears coming down my face and my voice doesn't crack to much, i'm self conscious about being emotional.

I return in 2 weeks and I am covered for 8 sessions apparently. It should be interesting to see how this progresses. She picked up right away on how I worry about things I can't control as well. Overall it was a bit draining but a tolerable experience and i'm not going to run from it just yet. I'll stick with it and see where it takes me. It definitely doesn't make you feel good though to be sitting there and feeling like you are whining about all of your problems. It took a lot to get me here. This is something I never thought I would be comfortable doing, for some reason i'm comfortable telling all of this shit here to a huge audience of friends and absolute strangers and that makes me feel all drama queen like, look at me look at me but that does go along with my annoying board personality as well I suppose.

See ya next time...

miscorrections
11-06-2009, 12:48 PM
Dang. I went to a "counselor" in high school because he really helped a friend out but I was never really able to articulate what my problems were so it was mostly useless. Congratulations on actually being able to talk about everything.

menikmati
11-06-2009, 12:51 PM
I just didn't expect her to throw out antidepressants so fast.

Surprise surprise...

chairmenmeow47
11-06-2009, 12:52 PM
Dang. I went to a "counselor" in high school because he really helped a friend out but I was never really able to articulate what my problems were so it was mostly useless. Congratulations on actually being able to talk about everything.

yeah seriously. i feel like i end up babbling about stupid shit and not what i actually want to talk about or i don't even know what it is i actually want to talk about. glad to hear you made the first step, faxy. if after a few sessions it's not working out, don't be afraid to find someone else.

TommyboyUNM
11-06-2009, 12:59 PM
Congratulations on taking a nice step, Mark. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and face yourself. And, Ivy is right, sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right person who you're comfortable talking to.

faxman75
11-06-2009, 01:00 PM
Surprise surprise...

I totally thought that because she was a psychotherapist and not an actual MD she wouldn't even bring it up outside of asking if I was on anything at this point. Boy was I wrong. She accepted my resistance but she was pretty stern about the fact she would be bringing it up again and soon if she didn't see any big changes coming from me.

Corrina, I was expecting her to lead me into questions and what to talk about but I found on more than one occasion during our session she was just staring at me waiting for me to keep talking and I would totally lose my train of thought. As close as we got to that was "tell me about your childhood and how you grew up". I asked her where to start and she looked at me funny so I started with my parents divorce at like age 5. That part of the discussion for some reason I was totally unprepared for and when I started telling her about abuse I took myself by surprise a bit.

I think I learned it's much easier to talk about everyone else than it me in the session. I was able to talk about Connor and his life, my ex and her life, my family but I couldn't figure out how to put my own feelings into place and she didn't do a lot of asking about how each of the instances made me feel and that could have been because she just wanted me to keep talking and i'm sure she could tell what things were making me emotional.

It was a stereotypical office. Quiet, small, a nice comfy couch and she sat in her big chair with her laptop mostly typing like a stenographer, she apologized for all the typing and explained that personal history is a big thing to document and she would rather do it as I tell it then try to remember what sticks out later.

Monklish
11-06-2009, 01:00 PM
Lame part of psychologists and psychotherapists:

Since they're not M.D.s (if they were, they'd be psychiatrists) they can't prescribe you shit, so instead they just bug you to go to a real doctor to get the medication they wish they could put you on themselves.

If they try to push SSRIs, just get Wellbutrin. Not time release either, the actual pill kind. Time release meds always made me really nauseated for some reason, although I know that's not really representative of the majority experience. I just don't trust mindfucks that stay in your system all day. If something doesn't work out, I prefer being able to stop taking it and get back to normal within a couple days. Wellbutrin or Paxil, although Paxil will make it more or less impossible for you to nut, though I don't see that causing so many problems in your life.

Or you could try my Adderall idea, although it's significantly less likely they'll want to put you on that at the age of 30-whatever.

PassiveTheory
11-06-2009, 01:00 PM
I told her I had not and I would rather try to work through these things without medication. She said she didn't want to push me towards it but she would be bringing it up again and it would be sooner rather than later.

Yet another shining example of psychiatry at work... Ugh.

Regardless, congratulations on being able to talk openly about your life and the hardships you've faced. That's not at all easy, and it's something you should be proud of.

Monklish
11-06-2009, 01:02 PM
Psychotherapy is such at least 50 percent bullshit. I love the crock excuse of why psychologists never really ask you anything to prompt you to speak being that they "want to see what you want to talk about and led you lead the conversation." It's such a gimmick to absolve themselves of responsibility.

And yeah, expect to have to go through at least three or four therapists til you actually find one worth half a shit.

menikmati
11-06-2009, 01:04 PM
Must be nice to get paid to sit there, not listen, and then say go pop some pills. What a crock of shit.

Monklish
11-06-2009, 01:08 PM
It's a pretty sweet gig. I'm wondering if I should've just gone into it, although I doubt I could've survived med school. My last psych only worked two days a week, renting an office right on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood in a huge pristine building, and pretty much all her appointments were 15 minute med refill sessions, each of which she charged 125 dollars for. The two days she worked she'd be booked solid and running incredibly late from the first appointment at 10 am until after 7. Conservatively she made about 9000 dollars per day or 18000 grand per week for about 16 hours work. And she wasn't even particularly good at it.

TomAz
11-06-2009, 01:09 PM
Overall it was a bit draining

Yes. I think this is to be expected if you are going to make progress.


I was expecting her to lead me into questions and what to talk about but I found on more than one occasion during our session she was just staring at me waiting for me to keep talking

15 years ago I went through a stage of some depression and I saw two counselors. One was a psychologist and she was very much interactive and engaging and challenging me when she thought I was full of shit. The second was a psychiatrist (who the psychologist sent me to to get zoloft) and she was more the sit there and let you talk about whatever type. I, personally, much prefered the more engaging approach, but that's just me.

PassiveTheory
11-06-2009, 01:10 PM
Well, if they were to go ahead and drive the conversation it creates the assumption that the psychotherapist knows his or her patient better than the patient knows his/her self. It's not necessarily a gimmick to absolve themselves of responsibility (although I wouldn't count out the possibility that there are those who chose to conduct their sessions in that way to achieve this goal) it's a technique to allow the patient to take the initiative to discover what is ailing them and, for the psychotherapist, to give them the tools to help improve their situation (namely empowerment, information and advice).

You can't just throw the kitchen sink at every patient and hope that something works.

TommyboyUNM
11-06-2009, 01:11 PM
Psychotherapy is such at least 50 percent bullshit. I love the crock excuse of why psychologists never really ask you anything to prompt you to speak being that they "want to see what you want to talk about and led you lead the conversation." It's such a gimmick to absolve themselves of responsibility.

And yeah, expect to have to go through at least three or four therapists til you actually find one worth half a shit.


Must be nice to get paid to sit there, not listen, and then say go pop some pills. What a crock of shit.

They ask you to talk about yourself because they want some perspective about you. How else are they going to find out about the person they're supposed to be helping? They have you lead the initial discussions because they don't know shit about you. And that's why you're there...to talk about yourself. Usually that lasts 1 or 2 sessions and that's it.

I've seen 4 different therapists in my life (from when I was 12 to 26) and all of them asked me a lot of questions. Maybe I've been lucky.

Monklish
11-06-2009, 01:13 PM
It's really not that hard to know what questions to ask. Not even remotely. If all you do all day is talk to people for a living, you should be able to peg where there issues lie within a one hour conversation easily. People will talk around and around their real issues forever if you let them. But this is also part of psychotherapy--letting them stretch out their treatment for as long as possible and shirking the responsibility if they're not getting anywhere by putting the blame on them for not discussing what's important.

When you go to a doctor with a specific set of symptoms and problems, they should have a decent line of questioning to at least set you off in the right direction. It's entirely up to the patient to discuss what's important but it's a waste of everybody's time to just let them meander around to it. People aren't really that complicated.

chairmenmeow47
11-06-2009, 01:17 PM
Well, if they were to go ahead and drive the conversation it creates the assumption that the psychotherapist knows his or her patient better than the patient knows his/her self. It's not necessarily a gimmick to absolve themselves of responsibility (although I wouldn't count out the possibility that there are those who chose to conduct their sessions in that way to achieve this goal) it's a technique to allow the patient to take the initiative to discover what is ailing them and, for the psychotherapist, to give them the tools to help improve their situation (namely empowerment, information and advice).

You can't just throw the kitchen sink at every patient and hope that something works.

true, but the whole reason i chose to go to counseling myself was that i have extreme emotional problems and i don't really know why. i don't know what my problem is or how to fix it. if i knew, i wouldn't need the counselor. i recently stopped seeing someone because they just let me babble and never really dug into anything i said. they might make a comment like "think you're a perfectionist?" but then if i said "hey, you might be right about that" that was it and she never did anything with it and just let me continue to talk about stupid work bullshit.

i mean yeah, part of the technique is seeing what comes to the patient's mind so you can analyze their thoughts, but there has to be another side to that where the counselor then takes what they hear and asks appropriate probing questions to get the patient to think about the issue at hand. i for example had never thought about myself as a perfectionist and nor would i think that's a bad thing. i would need a counselor to really dig in and ask me questions i may not want to answer or may never have thought of to get me to see the side of myself i'm just not seeing and probably also having struggles with. i hope that made sense, lol.

TommyboyUNM
11-06-2009, 01:17 PM
Randy, you make it seem like most therapists just sit there and have zero input. If they do that then they aren't doing their jobs. They'll ask questions that allow you to expand on your life. They'll very literally form a timeline of your life. They don't just sit there and let you talk about your favorite movies and what you're doing after the sessions. They ask you the necessary questions to get YOU to expand and discover things about yourself.

Lee said it perfectly, for once, a few posts above.

TommyboyUNM
11-06-2009, 01:19 PM
true, but the whole reason i chose to go to counseling myself was that i have extreme emotional problems and i don't really know why. i don't know what my problem is or how to fix it. if i knew, i wouldn't need the counselor. i recently stopped seeing someone because they just let me babble and never really dug into anything i said. they might make a comment like "think you're a perfectionist?" but then if i said "hey, you might be right about that" that was it and she never did anything with it and just let me continue to talk about stupid work bullshit.

Then I think you just saw a horseshit counselor. I don't think that experience is representative of the entire profession.

Young blood
11-06-2009, 01:22 PM
Everytime I see a psychiatrist they try to sleep with me.

chairmenmeow47
11-06-2009, 01:22 PM
i didn't say it was. it's obviously a common experience though, which is why it's good to see multiple people until you find someone who works for you. who knows, the lady i saw may have been able to be a superstar at dealing with someone else's issues, but in my case it just didn't work. i wonder if it's more a case of counselors, like patients, having better luck with certain types of cases than others.

TommyboyUNM
11-06-2009, 01:23 PM
i didn't say you said it was. :)

faxman75
11-06-2009, 01:23 PM
Lame part of psychologists and psychotherapists:

Since they're not M.D.s (if they were, they'd be psychiatrists) they can't prescribe you shit, so instead they just bug you to go to a real doctor to get the medication they wish they could put you on themselves.

If they try to push SSRIs, just get Wellbutrin. Not time release either, the actual pill kind. Time release meds always made me really nauseated for some reason, although I know that's not really representative of the majority experience. I just don't trust mindfucks that stay in your system all day. If something doesn't work out, I prefer being able to stop taking it and get back to normal within a couple days. Wellbutrin or Paxil, although Paxil will make it more or less impossible for you to nut, though I don't see that causing so many problems in your life.

Or you could try my Adderall idea, although it's significantly less likely they'll want to put you on that at the age of 30-whatever.

What worries me the most about this medication is side effects and the thought of depending on them for feeling normal or happy or whatever the fuck. I really don't believe I need medicine to not be depressed.

In fact I wonder how much of this behavior that I used to characterize as being emotionally immature stems from my marijuana use. I can't even admit to myself i'm addicted to marijuana. I continue to claim I don't have an addictive gene in my body. I definitely use the weed to calm my anxieties but ultimately I am burying much of my emotion and I wonder if it's because when I don't smoke regularly I over react to everything. I'm definitely protective of my pot smoking. It's absolutely my security blanket and it when I don't have weed I am anxious and I start worrying about how i'm going to sleep that night and so on. Which is also funny because I have gone days, months and years before without smoking. I can take breaks whenever necessary and I actually do end up sleeping just fine over time. My last break though was last year when I went to Europe. I didn't smoke any until I got to Amsterdam. It just scares the shit out of me to even think about giving it up but it is something I think I should do if i'm even going to consider being medicated in any way. It seems kind of obvious that if you quit smoking weed you get out of a rut.

PassiveTheory
11-06-2009, 01:24 PM
It's really not that hard to know what questions to ask. Not even remotely. If all you do all day is talk to people for a living, you should be able to peg where there issues lie within a one hour conversation easily. People will talk around and around their real issues forever if you let them. But this is also part of psychotherapy--letting them stretch out their treatment for as long as possible and shirking the responsibility if they're not getting anywhere by putting the blame on them for not discussing what's important.

When you go to a doctor with a specific set of symptoms and problems, they should have a decent line of questioning to at least set you off in the right direction. It's entirely up to the patient to discuss what's important but it's a waste of everybody's time to just let them meander around to it. People aren't really that complicated.

I agree that experience will give you a framework for what questions you should ask, what answers apply to what problems and what solutions should sought. But it shouldn't be any more than that, a framework. Otherwise you start moving into the territory of assuming you know more about the person than they do, and if that's how psychologists should act, why bother consulting on a case-by-case basis? Why not treat everyone the same? That's bullshit.

I do also agree that anyone who consciously prolongs their patient's therapy sessions is really no better than the psychiatrist who doesn't do anything to help alleviate his/her patient's ailments other than prescribing an endless supply of pills, but the fact is that a therapist has to allow the patient to explore his/her self. Yes, this involves meandering around seemingly obvious problems, but you can't discount the added information a trained therapist can collect from a patient's own recollections.

Otherwise, we'd be treating people like symptoms instead of like people.

humanoid
11-06-2009, 01:28 PM
What worries me the most about this medication is side effects and the thought of depending on them for feeling normal or happy or whatever the fuck. I really don't believe I need medicine to not be depressed.

In fact I wonder how much of this behavior that I used to characterize as being emotionally immature stems from my marijuana use. I can't even admit to myself i'm addicted to marijuana. I continue to claim I don't have an addictive gene in my body. I definitely use the weed to calm my anxieties but ultimately I am burying much of my emotion and I wonder if it's because when I don't smoke regularly I over react to everything. I'm definitely protective of my pot smoking. It's absolutely my security blanket and it when I don't have weed I am anxious and I start worrying about how i'm going to sleep that night and so on. Which is also funny because I have gone days, months and years before without smoking. I can take breaks whenever necessary and I actually do end up sleeping just fine over time. My last break though was last year when I went to Europe. I didn't smoke any until I got to Amsterdam. It just scares the shit out of me to even think about giving it up but it is something I think I should do if i'm even going to consider being medicated in any way. It seems kind of obvious that if you quit smoking weed you get out of a rut.



I hated coming to that realization myself, but I believe it is a massive step toward gaining more control of your mind and emotions.

faxman75
11-06-2009, 01:37 PM
I remember a conversation with Ivy when we were helping her move were I said weed wasn't addictive and she laughed at me. I was even defensive then about it. :lool but it's definitely true.

As far as relationships with women go I definitely see myself reacting how my mom would. She would date nothing but people who are abusive, either physically or alcoholics or drug drug addicts and when she got out of those relationships she would take years to herself to recover. This is exactly what I have done. I get so traumatized but what I had to deal with in each relationship that I turn off and don't seek anyone. The last one was the first time I realized I can't jump into another one until I realize that what i'm attracted to isn't healthy but I haven't figured out how to move past the acting like a scared cat part of it yet because all I have dated are people with issues that have somehow taken too much out of me.

It reminds me of when I used to listen to love line and Dr. Drew used to say the way to break a pattern is to go for women who you normally aren't attracted to. I haven't figured that part out yet either.

Monklish
11-06-2009, 02:18 PM
What worries me the most about this medication is side effects and the thought of depending on them for feeling normal or happy or whatever the fuck. I really don't believe I need medicine to not be depressed.

In fact I wonder how much of this behavior that I used to characterize as being emotionally immature stems from my marijuana use. I can't even admit to myself i'm addicted to marijuana. I continue to claim I don't have an addictive gene in my body. I definitely use the weed to calm my anxieties but ultimately I am burying much of my emotion and I wonder if it's because when I don't smoke regularly I over react to everything. I'm definitely protective of my pot smoking. It's absolutely my security blanket and it when I don't have weed I am anxious and I start worrying about how i'm going to sleep that night and so on. Which is also funny because I have gone days, months and years before without smoking. I can take breaks whenever necessary and I actually do end up sleeping just fine over time. My last break though was last year when I went to Europe. I didn't smoke any until I got to Amsterdam. It just scares the shit out of me to even think about giving it up but it is something I think I should do if i'm even going to consider being medicated in any way. It seems kind of obvious that if you quit smoking weed you get out of a rut.

Everyone has addictive tendencies, but they manifest in different forms. Some people are hooked on drugs, some on power, some on sex, some on exercise. I can't stand it when potheads claim that weed isn't addictive. Anything intoxicating is addictive. What they mean to say is that it's not physically addictive, which is both different and immaterial. Cocaine is even less physically addictive than weed by that standard, and lord knows people still fuck their lives up plenty for something as shitty as coke.

The real question you have to answer when it comes to whether or not you want to be on meds is this: are you merely just depressed because you have plenty of good reasons to be depressed or is your system reacting much more drastically than it should to partial depressive stimuli? There's a big difference between bottoming out because your mother died (legitimate misery), bottoming out because you're stuck in a difficult and shitty situation with your ex-girlfriend's kid (legitimate difficulty you may or may not be overreacting to), and not being able to tolerate anything but work and sleep because your body is pushing you into hibernation in fear of facing reality.


I agree that experience will give you a framework for what questions you should ask, what answers apply to what problems and what solutions should sought. But it shouldn't be any more than that, a framework. Otherwise you start moving into the territory of assuming you know more about the person than they do, and if that's how psychologists should act, why bother consulting on a case-by-case basis? Why not treat everyone the same? That's bullshit.

I do also agree that anyone who consciously prolongs their patient's therapy sessions is really no better than the psychiatrist who doesn't do anything to help alleviate his/her patient's ailments other than prescribing an endless supply of pills, but the fact is that a therapist has to allow the patient to explore his/her self. Yes, this involves meandering around seemingly obvious problems, but you can't discount the added information a trained therapist can collect from a patient's own recollections.

Otherwise, we'd be treating people like symptoms instead of like people.

Passive, you're a fucking idiot. Seriously. First of all, what in the fuck do you know about therapy? I'm really curious, because if you've ever been under treatment and you still look like that, well, I shouldn't have to prove my position against therapists. Obviously it did you no good.

Your point is retarded. Guess what: people are not beautiful and unique snowflakes. If they were, psychiatry would not work at all. The only reason psychiatry is effective at all is that 99 percent of human minds tend to follow a pretty consistent set of stimulus-reaction paths. Questioning my premise by arguing that psychiatrists can't possibly be able to group people together by their symptoms is effectively denying the capability of therapy to be effective at all.

Doctors don't engage each patient as an individual. We ARE just symptoms, the same way any GP treating someone for a physical ailment knows that such-and-such symptoms grouped together probably point to such-and-such illness. They start whatever treatment they believe to be most effective and revisit the patient/symptoms whenever to find out whether their diagnosis and treatment was accurate.

If every psychiatrist really had to engage each patient as something other than a mostly predictable set of correlations and behavior, they would never get any fucking work done. You can't dissect each patient layer by layer. You figure out what their main symptoms are, diagnose, and start treatment, then find out how full of shit you were when they come back in a month.



Tommy, stop being such a gash.

SoulDischarge
11-06-2009, 03:54 PM
My counseling sessions so far have been pretty pointless. I only see the dude for a half hour once a month. The first thing he has me do is fill out this sheet filled with smileys and clip art where I write what I'm thinking, what I'm doing, and how I'm taking care of my body and mark on this stupid scale whether overall I'm feeling :) or :(. Then he just kind of asks me what I've been doing lately and what I'm going to do to change things. Then he makes suggestions like I should try volunteering and that's the end of it. We don't talk about my emotional problems that keep me hiding in the house and prevent me from going out and doing shit like volunteer at all.

Also, I stopped taking the Lexapro because that started freaking me out too. Almost every night before I'm able go to sleep I lay in bed for about a half hour completely terrified for no reason, fixating on morbid shit like the inevitability of my own mortality and the pointlessness of existence. I've been trying to get in to see the nurse about trying something besides anti-depressants. The first week I showed up about 10 minutes after walkins started and there was already like 15 people waiting to be seen and the nurse said I probably wasn't going to be seen. The next week I show up a half hour before walkins start, am the second person on the list, but one of the nurses is on vacation and the one I see went home sick, so once again, I didn't get seen. This week I just slept through walkins altogether.

So, once again, like every other goddamned thing in my life, it looks like I have to just start dealing with all this shit on my own. I'm really tempted to just using my mom's money to start self medicating. A more productive idea I have is making a chart with simple tasks to accomplish every day to improve my life. Shit like walk an hour, eat at least two pieces of fruits, eat a serving of vegetables, brush my teeth twice a day, read 25 pages of any book, listen to a new album, just things to keep me productive and healthy instead of laying around all day feeling terrified and helpless and like I'd be better off dead. I've tried this once before and it fizzled out, but maybe it'll work this time.

PassiveTheory
11-06-2009, 04:54 PM
Passive, you're a fucking idiot. Seriously. First of all, what in the fuck do you know about therapy? I'm really curious, because if you've ever been under treatment and you still look like that, well, I shouldn't have to prove my position against therapists. Obviously it did you no good.

Your point is retarded. Guess what: people are not beautiful and unique snowflakes. If they were, psychiatry would not work at all. The only reason psychiatry is effective at all is that 99 percent of human minds tend to follow a pretty consistent set of stimulus-reaction paths. Questioning my premise by arguing that psychiatrists can't possibly be able to group people together by their symptoms is effectively denying the capability of therapy to be effective at all.

Doctors don't engage each patient as an individual. We ARE just symptoms, the same way any GP treating someone for a physical ailment knows that such-and-such symptoms grouped together probably point to such-and-such illness. They start whatever treatment they believe to be most effective and revisit the patient/symptoms whenever to find out whether their diagnosis and treatment was accurate.

If every psychiatrist really had to engage each patient as something other than a mostly predictable set of correlations and behavior, they would never get any fucking work done. You can't dissect each patient layer by layer. You figure out what their main symptoms are, diagnose, and start treatment, then find out how full of shit you were when they come back in a month.

Holy mother of god you are a tremendous piece of shit. Do you like the taste of Freud's dick in your mouth? Sweet jesus.

The way your warped mind has come to view the world is so out of whack it's ridiculous. If we treated people all the same and treated them on the exclusive basis of externally ascribed symptoms we wouldn't have gotten ANYWHERE in regards to developing treatments or changing our notions of what works when treating a person's symptoms. We'd still be tossing leeches onto people to cure mild insomnia or some batshit stupid means of treating it.

Guess what, shit for brains, the way psychologists have changed the paradigm of treating patients is through dissecting patients layer by layer and actually granting legitimacy to symptoms, treatments and information that falls out of the 99% you conjured up from the air. If the world worked in the way you think it does, psychology as a doctrine wouldn't fucking exist. Or, if it did exist, it would not have pushed past Freud or Skinner and we would be far, far worse off than you could ever imagine.

Even you are a goddamn snowflake, Randy. A fucked up snowflake, but still a snowflake.

faxman75
11-06-2009, 08:03 PM
So, once again, like every other goddamned thing in my life, it looks like I have to just start dealing with all this shit on my own. I'm really tempted to just using my mom's money to start self medicating. A more productive idea I have is making a chart with simple tasks to accomplish every day to improve my life. Shit like walk an hour, eat at least two pieces of fruits, eat a serving of vegetables, brush my teeth twice a day, read 25 pages of any book, listen to a new album, just things to keep me productive and healthy instead of laying around all day feeling terrified and helpless and like I'd be better off dead. I've tried this once before and it fizzled out, but maybe it'll work this time.


First of all it's really shitty how the place you are going to treats people like it's an assembly line at a buffet. In and out, it doesn't sound very personal at all.

Second, your plan is solid as far as the basics go like eating fruit, walking a bit more, listening to music and reading. Sounds like a good way to start feeling better both mentally and physically. I think getting it down on paper like a list or a schedule is huge. That can sometimes be enough to jump start change because you are both reading it and holding onto that list so you can feel the sense of accomplishment as you get things done on it. Even if you don't do all of it just knocking things out on the list is going to feel good and ultimately your mind and body will benefit.

Hang in there man and never give up. I realize that sounds like some dumb G.I. Joe tag line but it's my hope that persistence pays off.


Monklish-

The real question you have to answer when it comes to whether or not you want to be on meds is this: are you merely just depressed because you have plenty of good reasons to be depressed or is your system reacting much more drastically than it should to partial depressive stimuli? There's a big difference between bottoming out because your mother died (legitimate misery), bottoming out because you're stuck in a difficult and shitty situation with your ex-girlfriend's kid (legitimate difficulty you may or may not be overreacting to), and not being able to tolerate anything but work and sleep because your body is pushing you into hibernation in fear of facing reality.

I believe I fall under the last category. I got hit with a lot of shit at once in 2007 and 2008 and even bleeding into this year a bit. Both grandparents died and they were basically my parents so even though it wasn't shocking, it wasn't something I was ready to deal with. First my grandfather died in May of 2007 then me and Kimberly broke up around September of 2007 and my grandma died in November all the while my house was falling into foreclosure and knowing I was going to have a pending bankruptcy. None of that shit mattered though because I was reveling the fact that I got a new lease on life and it wasn't over. I was ecstatic to be out of a nightmare situation so I became passive about every thing else in life. I grieved my grandfathers death by listening to Arcade Fire funeral non stop, obsessively the entire 3 days I was in Chicago for his funeral. I let people know my grandfather died and friends came to the wake because everyone knew him. I capped it all off with an Arcade Fire concert. I hated that band for so long and all of the sudden it became a very personal thing for me and it was over. My grandmas death on the other hand was not dealt with properly. I flew home to visit for Thanksgiving and she died Thanksgiving morning. I got to see her and that was important for the both of us. Unfortunately the way I dealt with that was different. At that point my relationship was just ending. My mom had a bunch of friends over thanksgiving night and got drunk and high. Grandmas wake was much more low key than grandpas. I pretty much didn't tell any friends I was in town. I just felt empty and I wasn't ready to deal with the fact that the two people who raised me were now both gone. While I also lost the family I thought I created. I went from having a house, a women, two kids, 3 dogs and a family back in Chicago that consisted of my grandparents, mom, aunt and her family to having next to nothing. My mom is always guilt tripping me that she's alone and going to die soon (which of course she isn't) and tells me how smart I was for moving away and says she wishes she could have done the same because essentially my grandpa took care of her as long as he was alive and she was dependent on my grandparents and ultimately took care of them in their older age.

That was actually a motivating factor for moving to arizona. I didn't want to end up like my mom living at home the rest of my life. I needed to prove to myself I could survive on my own and be a man. I did that. I moved to Arizona without knowing a single soul and not even having a job lined up. In a matter of 3 years I lost 95 lbs, had a decent job making around 35K a year and I found the "american dream" a girl, kids and a house with a picket fence and some dogs. So losing all of that and my grandparents has essentially fucked me up to some degree.

In other news I talked a bit more to my ex today and she says they will plea her felony agg assult down a little, offer her probation and the jail sentence is at the judges discretion. I would not be surprised if she got 30 days in jail. the therapist asked me if I was worried about it and said not really. Now i'm thinking about it quite a bit.

At some point this diarrhea of the mouth might stop....heh. I really can't believe how much I have opened up on here. Thank you guys for listening and giving advice and suggestions when you have.

Somewhat Damaged
11-06-2009, 08:39 PM
Wellbutrin or Paxil, although Paxil will make it more or less impossible for you to nut, though I don't see that causing so many problems in your life.

Ain't that the truth. I was put on it after being admitted to the hospital in '98 (such a drama queen, I called the cops on myself) and promptly took myself off it after 3 weeks when masturbating didn't result in orgasm after what felt like a vigorous hour.


It's a pretty sweet gig. I'm wondering if I should've just gone into it, although I doubt I could've survived med school. My last psych only worked two days a week, renting an office right on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood in a huge pristine building, and pretty much all her appointments were 15 minute med refill sessions, each of which she charged 125 dollars for. The two days she worked she'd be booked solid and running incredibly late from the first appointment at 10 am until after 7. Conservatively she made about 9000 dollars per day or 18000 grand per week for about 16 hours work. And she wasn't even particularly good at it.

I was seeing a psychologist here in Phoenix between April and August, at Jennifer's behest (she doesn't want to be responsible for listening to my emotional issues), and in September, I started getting the Explanations of Benefits from my health insurance provider. I had been paying $20 for my copay but for the first 4 sessions, it was supposed to be $30. For the 3 sessions after that, my copay (since they attributed the sessions to the wrong EIN, which wasn't covered by AETNA) was $98.06. The cost of each session? $150.
I got it resolved so that my copay for all 7 sessions was ultimately only $30, meaning my outstanding balance was only $70, and I finally paid that yesterday, but it got me to thinking -- the service I was receiving was worth THAT fucking much? Really? I haven't gone since August 6 and I've been pretty goddamn fine. After I paid off my balance, I was asked if I was gonna be coming back. I lied & said yeah & snagged a business card, explaining that I wasn't going to make an appointment right then but would at a later time, but if I can spare myself the $30 expense, considering how well I feel I've been doing in the intervening months without the sessions, then fuck that.

It's weird because I've been seeing a psychologist pretty much non-stop since '99, when I was in the hospital for 58 days for wanting to kill a bunch of people (this was in the wake of Columbine, so they took musings seriously -- that was my first time in the back of a cop car; you'd have thought I'd actually committed a crime), but while I can look at my life and acknowledge that I'm in a better position now than I was a decade ago or 6 years ago or even 3 years ago, I still don't know how much of that I'd attribute to having been in psychotherapy. Maybe it's 'cause I'm a bit of a narcissistic know-it-all and only want to credit myself for pulling myself up by my bootstraps and bettering my life. In any event, I seem to be getting by just fine taking my Carbatrol (an anti-seizure medication most commonly prescribed to epileptics that seems to have an ameliorating effect on bipolar symptoms, though it hasn't helped my Tourette's at all) once-twice a day when I remember to (which is usually).


Also, I stopped taking the Lexapro because that started freaking me out too. Almost every night before I'm able go to sleep I lay in bed for about a half hour completely terrified for no reason, fixating on morbid shit like the inevitability of my own mortality and the pointlessness of existence.

How old are you? A lot of the shit you describe reminds me of my early 20s.

SoulDischarge
11-06-2009, 08:45 PM
23.

Derekx
11-06-2009, 08:46 PM
What worries me the most about this medication is side effects and the thought of depending on them for feeling normal or happy or whatever the fuck. I really don't believe I need medicine to not be depressed.

I feel this way. Lately, I just started having anxiety attacks. Shit's pretty intense. I had one while driving to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs show a few months back, luckily I didn't crash my car. I haven't seen a doctor about the attacks, but I really don't want to be taking pills for something like that. A few months before that I started taking anti-depressants. The side-effects sucked so bad and I was taking a really light dosage. It fucked with me too much for me to ever want to go back on anything.