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guedita
03-04-2010, 06:33 PM
In this thread, feel free to discuss or share ridiculous, disgusting, irritating, absurd stories about your roommates/housemates--past or present. Were you ever a terrible roommate? Try not to just bitch about how awful they are--make it interesting.

I'll start. I once had a housemate who lived in the smallest room I've ever seen. It did not have a window. Everything she owned was PURPLE: bed sheets, comforter, posters, dishes, candles--her shampoo and conditioner were even in purple bottles. I never saw her do her laundry, and thus a bizarre stench of stank, purple, and riceroni (her meal of choice) was always seeping out from under her door. Long story short my roommate and I once got drunk, sneaked into her room, found her diary, and read it, wherein we discovered the reason she went down to San Diego on the weekends was to engage in group Master/Slave orgies.

We did not stay in touch.

vinylmartyr
03-04-2010, 06:34 PM
hot

Grant
03-04-2010, 06:34 PM
Wow, what the fuck

OnlyNonStranger
03-04-2010, 06:35 PM
http://coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28072

hawkingvsreeve
03-04-2010, 06:35 PM
Did she uh...say where...exactly in San Diego?

chairmenmeow47
03-04-2010, 06:36 PM
dear diary,

never live with guedita.

sincerely,

--sex slave

guedita
03-04-2010, 06:41 PM
http://coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28072

Ahh...I didn't search far back enough.

juloxx
03-04-2010, 06:42 PM
I'll start. I once had a housemate who lived in the smallest room I've ever seen. It did not have a window. Everything she owned was PURPLE: bed sheets, comforter, posters, dishes, candles--her shampoo and conditioner were even in purple bottles. I never saw her do her laundry, and thus a bizarre stench of stank, purple, and riceroni (her meal of choice) was always seeping out from under her door. Long story short my roommate and I once got drunk, sneaked into her room, found her diary, and read it, wherein we discovered the reason she went down to San Diego on the weekends was to engage in group Master/Slave orgies.

We did not stay in touch.

Was your housemate Lil Wayne?

OnlyNonStranger
03-04-2010, 06:43 PM
I wasn't trying to start shit I just wanted you to see my own stories since I'm too lazy to rewrite them right now.

TallGuyCM
03-04-2010, 06:43 PM
How about we just turn this into the guedita tells us more stories like that thread.

guedita
03-04-2010, 06:48 PM
dear diary,

never live with guedita.

sincerely,

--sex slave

For the record, my roommate was more gung-ho about the breaking and entering than I was--but that's only because I was convinced we were going to find a dead cat carcass dyed purple.

marooko
03-04-2010, 07:11 PM
In this thread, feel free to discuss or share ridiculous, disgusting, irritating, absurd stories about your roommates/housemates--past or present. Were you ever a terrible roommate? Try not to just bitch about how awful they are--make it interesting.

I'll start. I once had a housemate who lived in the smallest room I've ever seen. It did not have a window. Everything she owned was PURPLE: bed sheets, comforter, posters, dishes, candles--her shampoo and conditioner were even in purple bottles. I never saw her do her laundry, and thus a bizarre stench of stank, purple, and riceroni (her meal of choice) was always seeping out from under her door. Long story short my roommate and I once got drunk, sneaked into her room, found her diary, and read it, wherein we discovered the reason she went down to San Diego on the weekends was to engage in group Master/Slave orgies.

We did not stay in touch.

And we're supposed to follow this?

I only ever had one of what I would consider a roommate. The other two people were family.

The roommate stole a check from me one time. It took me a week to confront him about it. Any sooner than that and I would my fists would have confronted him.

On a more fun note: He used to say things about me jerking off. Well, masturbating he would say. That would have been fine if I was, what the fuck do I care. I fucking rub one out, so what?! Anyway, he would say it sometimes when he would come in with friends. "Quick change the channel", or, "Pull your pants up", "Quit jerking off" etc. So he comes in one day with a couple friends, talking the same shit. I wasn't in the mood that day. So I proceeded to ask him why he thought of me so much with my dick in my hand. And while he was a really good friend and I appreciated his coming on to me, I just wasn't interested. I'm not gay, or curious. I drug it out for about 5 minutes. He was not pleased. Totally embarrassed, his friends were laughing and he never said anything remotely close to it again.

I got mad stories about this dude. I can't believe I let him live with me for so long.

Mr. Dylanja
03-04-2010, 07:16 PM
I wonder if Prince was her master...

bmack86
03-04-2010, 07:18 PM
Last year I lived with a guy who was a total idiot. He drank a ton, even by my standards, and had problems with bladder control when he drank. He used to pee his bed and then decide not to clean the sheets, so he'd just sleep on the floor.

Anyway, one night I had a friend visiting from Davis. We were hanging out with aforementioned roommate, and then when he started getting really drunk and talking about 9/11 conspiracies (his favorite drunken topic) we decided to go to bed. 7 hours later, I woke up and went out to the living room to print out the tickets to the basketball game we were going to that day. My desk was soaked, and my computer would not turn on. Roommate was passed out on the ground next to the computer, his pants soaked and an empty beer in his hand. I woke him up and said, "Allen, what the fuck? Did you pee in my computer? It won't turn on!" His response? "I dunno B. Doesn't sound like me. You probably did it." I've never been so close to killing someone.

When he sobered up he eventually owned up to it, and he paid to get me a new power supply, which was the only thing that was fried. He also cost us $1500 in damages to the apartment.

marooko
03-04-2010, 07:19 PM
My lady said..."I wonder if everything being purple was an order."

So, do you know if she was a slave or a master?

vinylmartyr
03-04-2010, 07:20 PM
I had a roommate like that. All ways pissed himself.

juloxx
03-04-2010, 07:22 PM
Last year I lived with a guy who was a total idiot. He drank a ton, even by my standards, and had problems with bladder control when he drank. He used to pee his bed and then decide not to clean the sheets, so he'd just sleep on the floor.

Anyway, one night I had a friend visiting from Davis. We were hanging out with aforementioned roommate, and then when he started getting really drunk and talking about 9/11 conspiracies (his favorite drunken topic) we decided to go to bed. 7 hours later, I woke up and went out to the living room to print out the tickets to the basketball game we were going to that day. My desk was soaked, and my computer would not turn on. Roommate was passed out on the ground next to the computer, his pants soaked and an empty beer in his hand. I woke him up and said, "Allen, what the fuck? Did you pee in my computer? It won't turn on!" His response? "I dunno B. Doesn't sound like me. You probably did it." I've never been so close to killing someone.

When he sobered up he eventually owned up to it, and he paid to get me a new power supply, which was the only thing that was fried. He also cost us $1500 in damages to the apartment.

You promised you wouldnt tell anyone!

http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/scanner/2008/05/16-22/rkelly460.jpg

Grant
03-04-2010, 07:25 PM
lollll

chairmenmeow47
03-04-2010, 07:25 PM
http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3244&highlight=roommate

and i haven't lived with anyone horrible. i have shared a 1 bedroom apartment with a friend who had an african drum, recorder and accordion.

i've also had someone break into another apartment i shared with a friend (came home to an open door) & then send us a very angry e-mail about the contents of our apartment and what horrible people we were.


kellogg pop <kelllloggspops@yahoo.com> wrote:

Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2003 21:39:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: kellogg pop
Subject: rather prissy, dont ya think so
To:

insight -

ivy is your best friend, i believe, and you girls are irritating . i cant understand the whole prissy act youg uys put on. i was in your bathroom and you both have those fuckin venis razors and that venis shaving cream and dove soap and 20 dollars shampoo and lip gloss and scruncheys and that bath and body wks shit and pink brushes and oh god it never fuckin ends
and you work at victorias secret, holy christ. and i KNOW youboth must wear that victorias secret everything and probly always smell good and have soft skin
and your crazy bed is all puffy and soft
and i bet you 2 must have some thin going on 2 hot girls live together and are bisexuals and don't do stuff, no way
and t is annoying that so many people have hardons for both of you and you talk shit about all of them and its just not right
maybe you can inform me in your little journal that is pink why you girls are this way because you annoy alot of peopel.
fuck you.

marooko
03-04-2010, 07:28 PM
You and your roommate sound hot. pics please.

guedita
03-04-2010, 07:28 PM
My lady said..."I wonder if everything being purple was an order."

So, do you know if she was a slave or a master?

The purple was all her--a life time lover of purple. She was a slave, though.


I had a roommate like that. All ways pissed himself.

A boy in my college dorm-house had a recurring problem of drunkenly shitting and pissing into the washer/dryer, so our house "privileges" of laundry were revoked...until he dropped out.

guedita
03-04-2010, 07:30 PM
http://www.coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3244&highlight=roommate

and i haven't lived with anyone horrible. i have shared a 1 bedroom apartment with a friend who had an african drum, recorder and accordion.

i've also had someone break into another apartment i shared with a friend (came home to an open door) & then send us a very angry e-mail about the contents of our apartment and what horrible people we were.

wait, did they steal stuff? or just break in to condemn your choice of razor?

chairmenmeow47
03-04-2010, 07:31 PM
Roommate was passed out on the ground next to the computer, his pants soaked and an empty beer in his hand. I woke him up and said, "Allen, what the fuck? Did you pee in my computer? It won't turn on!" His response? "I dunno B. Doesn't sound like me. You probably did it."

davis had conviction in that moment though.

chairmenmeow47
03-04-2010, 07:32 PM
wait, did they steal stuff? or just break in to condemn your choice of razor?

i really have no idea. all i am aware of is breaking in to condemn. more importantly that's what i choose to be aware of!

PotVsKtl
03-04-2010, 07:33 PM
I had a roommate like that. All ways pissed himself.

How many ways are there to piss yourself? I count 2.

Monklish
03-04-2010, 07:38 PM
How many ways are there to piss yourself? I count 2.

Please itemize them.

PotVsKtl
03-04-2010, 07:41 PM
1. Conscious
2. Unconscious

caco0283
03-04-2010, 07:43 PM
Ah man I used to have the best roommate stories on the board....too lazy to find them. One story I do remember is my old roommate was/is all crazy for Jesus....sings for the church...used to hold prayer meetings at our house. I would come home and people would be singing for Christ and the holy spirit would be all up in my living room while me and my gf are making sexy time in my room. Anyways so i have this Jesus loving roommate....one day I come home drunk as hell and Eurotrip dvd menu is playing over and over....I look over at my roommate who is passed out on the couch boxers to his ankles holding his junk. Yeah I'm sure Jesus was proud of him at that moment.

kitt kat
03-04-2010, 08:13 PM
My roommate is a fucking psychotic bitch.

She's a lazy, stuck up pig. She's so lazy and spoiled, instead of her parents telling her to do her dishes and pick up after herself (this is after I emailed her asking to please clean a month's worth of dishes, fermented milk included, out of the sink), they now pay for a maid that comes weekly to do her dishes and her LAUNDRY. Being busy isn't an excuse; she never comes to class or does her work.

She's a fucking thief and copycat; last year, she stole clothing from my other roommate and I and when we confronted her about it when we saw her wearing said objects --- we could tell mainly because: 1. they were ours. 2. she's fat and the clothes were WAY too small for her --- she would just storm out of the apartment and slam the door. She used to insult my music taste (when I met her, she liked Sufjan and Elliot Smith) and told me film > music and blogs were "Stupid" and "useless" when I started one...then she's blasting Animal Collective (post MPP, of course) and says Kim Gorodn is her idol (UM WTF?), starting a blog of her own...OH YEAH, AND TRYING TO WRITE ABOUT MUSIC. (She wrote exclusively about "pretentious" films since high school.)

She thinks MY cat is hers. I bought the cat. The cat has my NUMBER on her tags. I take and pay for the cat's vet visits. I buy the food. I clean the little box. Her rational? "She likes me more than you." YEAH, OK.

She brings weird guys over and makes them use MY BATHROOM. (SHE HAS HER OWN.) I asked her that, if she's comfortable enough to bring guys to the house, she should be OK with them using her private bathroom. The next day, my toilet was clogged with giant turds. (I hadn't been home; I was at my boyfriend's.) My mom called her mom...and her mom thought it was 100% OK and that "She [I] shouldn't have complained in the first place" and "she [I] had it coming for not letting ****'s friends use the bathroom."

She never pays bills on time and blames me for not having enough money to pay them myself. (Like I'm walking around with money to pay a $350 power/water bill in full all the time.) Her excuse is that she's "too busy" to write me a check. ALWAYS. IT TAKES TWO SECONDS.

She sets her alarm for insane times like 4am or 5am (keep in mind, she doesn't have an early job --- she has NO job, mommy and daddy bankroll her --- or any early classes) and then LETS IT KEEP RINGING --- sometimes up to an hour or more --- without getting up to turn it off. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go slam her door shut and wear earplugs at night to try and block it out. She also stays up until 3am every night in the living room on her computer (she has her own room with a desk) and blasts music and has all the lights on when I try to sleep. I am quiet in the morning when she's sleeping in and missing class, but when I have class early the next morning, it's totally cool for her to be loud. (sarcasm.)

We used to be really close friends, but one day, she woke up and unfriended me on Facebook and told me she hated me. I still have no idea why. I stayed her friend and lost a LOT of other friends by sticking up for her the past 4 years --- she is rude and obstinate and very unlikeable. I feel stupid for trying to look past that for so long. I'm just too nice, I guess. She can't take criticism, can't work in groups...and thus, made herself not well respected in our program.

She doesn't turn in work in class, citing she is "too different" to work on deadlines. She'll never get a job because she can't take direction and she'll fight you on EVERYTHING.

For reference: this is the bitch who wrote the "Coachella is lame and should be like Woodstock because it's too corporate" article we all LOLd and firebombed last year.

Hannahrain
03-04-2010, 08:15 PM
My mom called her mom
...

kitt kat
03-04-2010, 08:17 PM
Yeah, and? Her mom has called my mom numerous times to say, "Tell Katrina to stop asking Lauren to pay the bills on a deadline. **** will pay when she wants to pay."

Hannahrain
03-04-2010, 08:19 PM
Nevermind. I'm not going to pick a fight with you. I don't think my mom has the patience to field phone calls from your mom.

OnlyNonStranger
03-04-2010, 08:20 PM
^Yeah I loled at that one too

jimmycrackcorn
03-04-2010, 08:29 PM
The next day, my toilet was clogged with GIANT turds.

:rotfl

funny in a watching a movie, happening to somebody else kind of way...
cleaning up somebody elses $HIT sucks...

TomAz
03-04-2010, 08:30 PM
Yeah, and? Her mom has called my mom numerous times to say, "Tell Katrina to stop asking Lauren to pay the bills on a deadline. **** will pay when she wants to pay."

I dont' understand the asterisks.

I do understand what names like "Katrina" and "Lauren" mean, though.

Hannahrain
03-04-2010, 08:31 PM
She has another roommate named P i n g. Exchange student.

Hannahrain
03-04-2010, 08:33 PM
And don't look at me like I'm a racist. He's Israeli.

TomAz
03-04-2010, 08:34 PM
well thank god at least he's circumcised.

JewFace
03-04-2010, 08:55 PM
I'll be getting three brand new roommates in NY. I've lived alone the last two years. My last roommate one was a quiet, nebbish grad student studying fine arts management. He got offered a job in Boston and gave his 30 days notice. One evening, I was in the process of posting the room available listing on craigslist when I got the dreaded blue screen on my laptop. I was tired and didn't feel like calling Bangalore to get my IT issues resolved, so I asked him if I could use his computer for a few mins. He said sure. I went into his room, inserted my camera's memory card into his laptop and uploaded the apartment photos I'd taken to his desktop and then erased the memory card. But I couldn't find the photos on his desktop and realized I must have inadvertently uploaded them to a folder. So I clicked on START > My Recent Documents and saw several jpeg names. They were all random series of letters and numbers like ghjlku75ng8.jpeg except for one which was titled allmine.jpeg. It's wrong to snoop. It's an invasion of someone's privacy and a violation of their trust. But I'm glad I decided to overlook that. Because this was the "allmine" photo:













http://i45.tinypic.com/1535yzr.jpg


Yeah. That's me. In my bed. And, no, I wasn't posing for some grad student's photo series. I was asleep and completely unaware that my photo had been taken. I freaked the fuck out. Once I calmed down, I emailed myself a copy of the photo and screen shots showing the file on his computer. This appeared to be the only offending image on there. I don't always deal well with confrontation, but he left before his 30 days were up. I keep this photo to remind me to always lock my bedroom door and to work my ass off so that I can afford to live alone in NY one day.

TomAz
03-04-2010, 08:58 PM
I keep this photo to remind me to always lock my bedroom door and to work my ass off so that I can afford to live alone in NY one day.

also, to post it on the internet.

JewFace
03-04-2010, 08:59 PM
That too. Lock your doors, people!

guedita
03-04-2010, 08:59 PM
That is creepy as hell, Jewface. My friend told me he woke up to a roommate taking pictures of him once...awkward. Also--what is the thread count for those sheets?

Hannahrain
03-04-2010, 09:00 PM
It sickens me that you sleep without a pillow.

JewFace
03-04-2010, 09:03 PM
That is creepy as hell, Jewface. My friend told me he woke up to a roommate taking pictures of him once...awkward. Also--what is the thread count for those sheets?

He woke up to that?? OMG. I'm not a violent man, but I don't know if I could keep my cool if I had woken up. Thread count? Ha. 50? I don't recall. I was a poor college student supporting myself.




It sickens me that you sleep without a pillow.


I actually do sleep with pillows, but I also am a rather violent sleeper. Not sure what that's about but there's a lot of tossing, turning, kicking, (non sexual) thrusting that happens. I sometimes wakeup with my head at the foot of the bed and the pillows on the floor. Hmmm...I wonder why I'm single?

HunterGather
03-04-2010, 09:06 PM
Jew, while creepy, it sounds like a plot for some romantic dramady.
Ask him out.

JewFace
03-04-2010, 09:07 PM
Ew. Hunter! He was old. Like older than Tom.

HunterGather
03-04-2010, 09:08 PM
Oh. Well, then yeah. f that.
Why was an old guy your roommate?

JewFace
03-04-2010, 09:09 PM
Because he was nice and quiet, had good credit, kept to himself and did a good job of hiding the fact that he was a fucking psycho.

HunterGather
03-04-2010, 09:10 PM
*saves picture*

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
03-04-2010, 09:21 PM
you both are bitches. for the record.

JewFace
03-04-2010, 09:25 PM
???

betao
03-04-2010, 09:26 PM
What makes that freaky is that the file is called "allmine". If it was something like "fineartsproject1" that wouldn't be so bad, right?

HunterGather
03-04-2010, 09:28 PM
Do you think he jerks it to you often?

JewFace
03-04-2010, 09:29 PM
What makes that freaky is that the file is called "allmine". If it was something like "fineartsproject1" that wouldn't be so bad, right?

Ehhhhh. I still would have been just as freaked out, but yeah, the title added an extra level of creepiness for sure.



Do you think he jerks it to you often?
Gross.

miscorrections
03-04-2010, 09:33 PM
One of my ex-roommates was a serious hypochondriac who got AIDS tested FOUR TIMES after not having sex or swapping any bodily fluids for OVER A YEAR. And she told me, before the fourth test, that if it came back positive she would jump off the roof of the Applied Physics & Math building.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
03-04-2010, 09:34 PM
???

I still love you.

JewFace
03-04-2010, 09:35 PM
I still love you.
:lips



One of my ex-roommates was a serious hypochondriac who got AIDS tested FOUR TIMES after not having sex or swapping any bodily fluids for OVER A YEAR. And she told me, before the fourth test, that if it came back positive she would jump off the roof of the Applied Physics & Math building.


What a nutjob! Did she go into the Sahara, though? She could have contracted it there.

HunterGather
03-04-2010, 09:35 PM
lolz

miscorrections
03-04-2010, 09:36 PM
She didn't go anywhere interesting. My first year of Coachella was also our antepenultimate month as roommates.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
03-04-2010, 09:36 PM
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE MAKES A CRIME?

JewFace
03-04-2010, 09:38 PM
antepenultimate

miscorrections
03-04-2010, 09:38 PM
At that same time there was another girl in another room of the apartment who NEVER kept track of her student ID. Like ever. EVERY FUCKING DAY she'd quiz us multiple times on if we'd seen it anywhere. Eventually me and AIDSmate stole her ID and stuck it in the fridge to see if she could find it. (She didn't until we 'fessed up a few days later.)

miscorrections
03-04-2010, 09:39 PM
Oh. And once my AIDSmate bought a case of moon pies on the internet and then stored them ON TOP OF MY TOASTER OVEN so they all melted, and their packaging melted, all over the whole thing. Guess who had to clean it up.

She also bought a bonnet on eBay and wore it while studying.

A freshman year roommate conducted drug deals by shouting from our balcony to the building across the way.

The only serious fight my last roommate and I had in two years of living together was whether or not someone in an ad looked like Colin Meloy.

JewFace
03-04-2010, 09:56 PM
At that same time there was another girl in another room of the apartment who NEVER kept track of her student ID. Like ever. EVERY FUCKING DAY she'd quiz us multiple times on if we'd seen it anywhere. Eventually me and AIDSmate stole her ID and stuck it in the fridge to see if she could find it. (She didn't until we 'fessed up a few days later.)

Ha ha ha ha! I did the exact same thing with a roommate's phone. All three of us happened to have black Motorola Razrs and he'd always accuse us of accidentally taking his phone and then of course he'd find it under a pile of clothes or in his car and sheepishly apologize.

Jew's roommate
03-04-2010, 10:07 PM
What kind of jargin is being talked about behind my back here?

It was for a fashion show - no more questions!!!

OnlyNonStranger
03-04-2010, 10:08 PM
Wow isn't that the lamest alias

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
03-04-2010, 10:08 PM
What kind of jargin is being talked about behind my back here?

It was for a fashion show - no more questions!!!

disco stick.

JewFace
03-04-2010, 10:08 PM
What kind of jargin is being talked about behind my back here?

It was for a fashion show - no more questions!!!

:rolleyes

Oh shit, this reeks of BD.

betao
03-04-2010, 10:13 PM
I should get my friends to post in here. 6 of them have been living at a giant house in the middle of nowhere and are practically at each others throat. I'm sure they'd have some lovely stories to tell.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
03-04-2010, 10:17 PM
VA beach is definately SOMEWHERE.

bmack86
03-04-2010, 10:26 PM
You promised you wouldnt tell anyone!

http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/scanner/2008/05/16-22/rkelly460.jpg

I'm glad I clicked View Post on that one.

betao
03-05-2010, 05:48 AM
VA beach is definately SOMEWHERE.

Yes, but Manakin in Goochland County is not.

stuporfly
03-05-2010, 06:05 AM
I've actually been fairly lucky with roommates. They've been quirky, sure, but none of them were photographing me while I slept. Or if they were, I never found out about it.

I did have a roommate who was afraid to poo at a new girlfriend's apartment, so he made some lame excuse while over there one night, sprinted the few blocks toward our place and badly sprained his ankle along the way. Miraculously, he limped through the front door having not shat himself.

faxman75
03-05-2010, 06:13 AM
My roommate is a fucking psychotic bitch.

She's a lazy, stuck up pig. She's so lazy and spoiled, instead of her parents telling her to do her dishes and pick up after herself (this is after I emailed her asking to please clean a month's worth of dishes, fermented milk included, out of the sink), they now pay for a maid that comes weekly to do her dishes and her LAUNDRY. Being busy isn't an excuse; she never comes to class or does her work.

She's a fucking thief and copycat; last year, she stole clothing from my other roommate and I and when we confronted her about it when we saw her wearing said objects --- we could tell mainly because: 1. they were ours. 2. she's fat and the clothes were WAY too small for her --- she would just storm out of the apartment and slam the door. She used to insult my music taste (when I met her, she liked Sufjan and Elliot Smith) and told me film > music and blogs were "Stupid" and "useless" when I started one...then she's blasting Animal Collective (post MPP, of course) and says Kim Gorodn is her idol (UM WTF?), starting a blog of her own...OH YEAH, AND TRYING TO WRITE ABOUT MUSIC. (She wrote exclusively about "pretentious" films since high school.)

She thinks MY cat is hers. I bought the cat. The cat has my NUMBER on her tags. I take and pay for the cat's vet visits. I buy the food. I clean the little box. Her rational? "She likes me more than you." YEAH, OK.

She brings weird guys over and makes them use MY BATHROOM. (SHE HAS HER OWN.) I asked her that, if she's comfortable enough to bring guys to the house, she should be OK with them using her private bathroom. The next day, my toilet was clogged with giant turds. (I hadn't been home; I was at my boyfriend's.) My mom called her mom...and her mom thought it was 100% OK and that "She [I] shouldn't have complained in the first place" and "she [I] had it coming for not letting ****'s friends use the bathroom."

She never pays bills on time and blames me for not having enough money to pay them myself. (Like I'm walking around with money to pay a $350 power/water bill in full all the time.) Her excuse is that she's "too busy" to write me a check. ALWAYS. IT TAKES TWO SECONDS.

She sets her alarm for insane times like 4am or 5am (keep in mind, she doesn't have an early job --- she has NO job, mommy and daddy bankroll her --- or any early classes) and then LETS IT KEEP RINGING --- sometimes up to an hour or more --- without getting up to turn it off. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go slam her door shut and wear earplugs at night to try and block it out. She also stays up until 3am every night in the living room on her computer (she has her own room with a desk) and blasts music and has all the lights on when I try to sleep. I am quiet in the morning when she's sleeping in and missing class, but when I have class early the next morning, it's totally cool for her to be loud. (sarcasm.)

We used to be really close friends, but one day, she woke up and unfriended me on Facebook and told me she hated me. I still have no idea why. I stayed her friend and lost a LOT of other friends by sticking up for her the past 4 years --- she is rude and obstinate and very unlikeable. I feel stupid for trying to look past that for so long. I'm just too nice, I guess. She can't take criticism, can't work in groups...and thus, made herself not well respected in our program.

She doesn't turn in work in class, citing she is "too different" to work on deadlines. She'll never get a job because she can't take direction and she'll fight you on EVERYTHING.

For reference: this is the bitch who wrote the "Coachella is lame and should be like Woodstock because it's too corporate" article we all LOLd and firebombed last year.

This post is more scatter brained than a Courtney Love blog.

lizng
03-05-2010, 07:05 AM
My first roommate was the mistress of a newly released convicted felon with rage issues. She met him through his cousin a few days after he was released from jail and they started "dating". She found out several months later that he was shacking up with a woman 20-years his senior and decided to confront the woman. (I moved in while this was going on, but it was left out when she was telling me how normal her life was.) Some Jerry Springer-style scheming was conducted and the two of them confronted Mr. Felon about this love triangle.

Apparently the confrontation did not go well; when I was home with a friend one night someone started banging on the door, demanding to be let in. I looked through the peephole and did not recognize the psychopath (remember, I haven't met Mr. Felon), and after hearing that when he bangs the door down, he'll kill me, my roommate and the "stupid barking dog." I call 911 and the cops make him leave. I am told that because I called 911 that he could be sent back to jail as he's on parole and he's pissed that I jeopardized his future. I ask what the guy was in jail for and it was for pushing his ex-girlfriend's face through a windshield, leaving her moderately disfigured. The drama dies down and I don't hear anything about this guy for a few weeks.

As I'm walking through the apartment one day, I see Mr. Felon exiting my roommate's bedroom (post coitus) with no shirt on. Scrawled across his chest was "WHITE POWER" with a few swastika accents and other arian nation bullshit. I had a few arguments with the roommate about how I didn't want the guy in the apartment ever again since he threatened to murder me... but she said it wasn't possible because she "loved him". Feeling incredibly uncomfortable and certain that more white-trash drama was eminent, I moved out several days later.

I heard through friends that this girl got knocked up by another guy shortly after my departure and they are now married and have several kids. The whereabouts of Mr. Felon are unknown, but I like to think he's in prison.

justinaqui
03-05-2010, 07:11 AM
I don't have any shitty roommate stories. I'm concerned that "If you can't find the shitty roommate, you're him".

CellarOwl
03-05-2010, 07:49 AM
I kicked my last roommate out for not having a job in 8 months and stopping payment on his side of the bills. When my friend moved in to replace him, he had to clean out some furniture from his room, some speakers, a desk, an old computer monitor, that type of stuff. Anyway, we had to disassemble the desk to get it out of the room. So my new roommate is taking it apart and bringing the pieces downstairs, and only after he gets puts one of the slats down after it was pressed up against his face does he realize that the surface is covered in aged and yellowed cum.

Davids81
03-05-2010, 07:52 AM
I kicked my last roommate out for not having a job in 8 months and stopping payment on his side of the bills. When my friend moved in to replace him, he had to clean out some furniture from his room, some speakers, a desk, an old computer monitor, that type of stuff. Anyway, we had to disassemble the desk to get it out of the room. So my new roommate is taking it apart and bringing the pieces downstairs, and only after he gets puts one of the slats down after it was pressed up against his face does he realize that the surface is covered in aged and yellowed cum.



oooooohhhhhh, man... that fuckin sucks

stuporfly
03-05-2010, 08:13 AM
Did the kid not own any tube socks? Fuckin' philistine...

whynotsmile99
03-05-2010, 08:25 AM
15 roommates in 3 years of college and you can bet I have enough stories of period blood, masturbating on walls, spoiled milk, dirty bathrooms and other awful horrendous shit but i'll share the story of Steve.

Steve came into our house because we really didn't have a choice. someone had to fill the empty room and our friend had a cousin who needed a place to stay. Steve was a backwoods hillbilly redneck, the kind you only think exist in movies. Incredibly dumb. Sometimes when we would get drunk and play Halo, we all could stand Steve. 95% of the rest of the time my roommates and I could not. I wish I kept a journal during these years. So many dumb stories with this guy I could have written a book.

One story I remember in particular was after he lived with us for about 3 months. He was slowly realizing that no one liked him and was getting home sick for Kentucky, I believe it was. I walk into the living room and he is pouting like a 4 year old. Long story short, I agree to take him to WalMart (he doesn't have a car of course) for something he says he really needs. Yea, it was pouring rain but whatever, I thought i'd help him out.

I sit in the car and he comes out of Walmart a few minutes latter carrying a mini Civil War character action figure. something like this:
http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/f1/66/kifmToysAllHasbro_GI_Joe_Civil_War__Army_Of_Northe rn_Virginia_1864_Confederate_Soldier__Johnny_Reb__ __12__Military_Action_Figure1-resized200.jpg
Really, going to make me drive 10 miles in the rain to get you a toy?

Steve later left us and we kept getting his mail. it was piling up and though we consistently called him to change his damn address already nothing changed. The mail was a grab bag mix of unpaid bills, an atrociously large library fine, unpaid traffic tickets and the big kicker...delinquent child support payments. Steve apparently had 2 little girls back home and had knocked up another woman before fleeing to California. Many months later, Steve calls me and all the other roommates leaving us a 10 minute voicemail that opening someones mail is a federal offense and to get a lawyer. I wish I still had those voicemails, they were legendy. Could have been a youtube sensation I swear.

Obviously we never heard from Steve again

guedita
03-05-2010, 08:46 AM
One of my roommates once went through a few week period in which he did not get out of his dirty old bathrobe, unless it was to bike to the liquor store five minutes away. He was failing his community college ART classes, so stopped going, opting instead to "make art" in the apartment. One art project involved drinking and gluing Coors lite cans together to make a pyramid. He titled it, "Beeramid," and was very proud. Another creation, made when I went away for a weekend, involved letting the trash pile up and spill out of the container onto the kitchen floor. "Spoillage." We lived next to an apartment complex that housed solely Latino's, many of whom liked to blast mariachi music during the day while working on their cars or hanging out in their kitchens. Not a problem for me and the other housemate, who left the apartment for work and school during the day--but this noise simply outraged the bathrobed artist, distracting him from his ever demanding process of drinking, gaming, and creating gritty, real life pieces. He often threatened to and sometimes did call the police to complain, but mostly he would just complain loudly for hours on end about how annoying the music had been to me and the other housemate upon our return to the apartment.

This roommate was my boyfriend.

stuporfly
03-05-2010, 08:49 AM
Beeramid? Your boyfriend was a visionary!

CellarOwl
03-05-2010, 02:27 PM
I kicked my last roommate out for not having a job in 8 months and stopping payment on his side of the bills. When my friend moved in to replace him, he had to clean out some furniture from his room, some speakers, a desk, an old computer monitor, that type of stuff. Anyway, we had to disassemble the desk to get it out of the room. So my new roommate is taking it apart and bringing the pieces downstairs, and only after he gets puts one of the slats down after it was pressed up against his face does he realize that the surface is covered in aged and yellowed cum.

In the last week alone, the roommate who replaced the one I kicked out, left the house empty and unlocked all day when he went to work, and then today, after locking the door this time, left the house locked up and empty with an open flame going, almost burning the house down by the time I got home. His desk was on fire and it started to spread near the walls by the time I got upstairs. What the fuck is wrong with these people? I need to live by myself.

amyzzz
03-05-2010, 02:36 PM
Holy shit. Is there any permanent damage to the house?

CellarOwl
03-05-2010, 03:14 PM
It's mostly concentrated to his desk and maybe his laptop. Everything is so coated in the ammonium phospate stuff from the extinguisher that it's hard to tell, but his room otherwise seems fine.

stuporfly
03-05-2010, 03:32 PM
Think he'll notice, or will he curl right up and go to sleep?

CellarOwl
03-05-2010, 04:46 PM
Think he'll notice, or will he curl right up and go to sleep?

He noticed because I called him up saying something to the effect of "There was a motherfucking fire in your room, I'm drinking all of your beer now." But if I hadn't mentioned it, he'd probably just go to sleep pissed off that I drank a case of his beer.

tessalasset
03-05-2010, 06:57 PM
Jewface, your roommate story made my jaw drop. That is horrifying. I wouldn't be able to sleep in my room for that last month if I were you.

Kat - what a fucking horrible roommate. How did you last that long with her? Was it just a gradual thing then? If I had a roommate like that I'd kick her out or move out. Not worth it.

Also, my little sister did the exact same thing with my cat. It's stupid but I got over it.

Hannahrain
03-05-2010, 06:58 PM
That happened to me once too but I had my cat call her cat and everything worked out in the end.

guedita
03-05-2010, 11:48 PM
Question for Kat: why have you been roommates with her for longer than one year?

caeden
03-05-2010, 11:58 PM
That happened to me once too but I had my cat call her cat and everything worked out in the end.

fucking hysterical

JewFace
03-06-2010, 01:49 AM
Jewface, your roommate story made my jaw drop. That is horrifying. I wouldn't be able to sleep in my room for that last month if I were you.


Are you kidding? I gave him 1 week to find alternative accommodations. And I and my entire underwear drawer spent the week at my bf's place.




That happened to me once too but I had my cat call her cat and everything worked out in the end.

Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!

guedita
03-09-2010, 08:53 AM
My current housemate has a cat that has lately been throwing up a lot--overeating, so it's just regurgitated food. When I'm at home and that cat chucks, I pick it up with a paper towel and throw it away. You know, like an adult.

My housemate, on the other hand, just places a paper towel OVER the puke. I keep coming home and seeing white paper towels with little surprises underneath them. I was away for two days this weekend and came home to FIVE of these little presents.

Besides the fact that she is obviously disgusting and doesn't mind leaving vomit on the floor, what doesn't make sense to me is that she is too lazy to clean it up all the way, but pro-active enough to cover it up with a paper towel. I'm so tempted to relocate some of the kitty vomit under her pillow or something, but then her cat might call my mom to complain about my behavior.

OnlyNonStranger
03-09-2010, 09:21 AM
^Thanks for that literal lol.

trevor turtle
03-09-2010, 10:36 AM
About the only complaint I can have about my roommate is that she doesn't give a fuck about how loud she is when she's having sex... it's like she's so engrossed in her sexy time that she doesn't even care we're in the room right next to her, or she doesn't think it's a big deal. At least I know she's having a good time...

It seems to happen a lot when the house is silent... one time I could feel the house SHAKING when I was above her room while her and her boyfriend were having sex. wtf? Of course my computer was lagging so it took forever to play music and I had to listen to the moans for what felt like an eternity...

I think for her birthday I'll get her one of those ball gags sex toys that you put in your mouth to stop the screaming/moaning.

weeklymix
03-09-2010, 11:26 AM
This thread is trouble.

motionnn77
03-10-2010, 11:05 AM
:rotfl

funny in a watching a movie, happening to somebody else kind of way...
cleaning up somebody elses $HIT sucks...



^ ^ ^ ^ ^

This.

guedita
08-11-2010, 11:47 AM
I'm starting to understand why some people strongly abide by the "never live with your friends rule." My house mate is traveling for six months and needed a subleaser, my best friend needed a place to live in the city. I assumed making the situation easy for both parties would be the extent of my involvement in the affair. A few days ago I was cc'ed on an email exchange about paying her first months rent. Apparently she only paid part of it and requested that I pay the rest because "her check book was packed away since she's been 'homeless' waiting to move in" and that she would pay me back. I can't believe I actually did it. Today is the day she's supposed to move in, and she left me an angry voicemail freaking out that she doesn't have her key yet, because my housemate didn't end up giving it to her. Literally, she said, "I don't have a key to the my own HOUSE and I'm just supposed to be homeless with a fully packed car for a few hours until you get home from work?"

1. Staying at your boyfriend's or mother's house for ten days while you wait to move in does not qualify you as homeless. Nor does hanging around the city for a few hours until I get home because you didn't figure your shit out with the PERSON YOU ARE RENTING FROM WHO IS NOT ME.

2. Fuck this noise. I'm not taking care of you just because I found you the room and we live in the same house now.

OnlyNonStranger
08-11-2010, 11:52 AM
This looks like trouble!

vinylmartyr
08-11-2010, 12:35 PM
Make a boundary and stick to it. If they don't have the rent don't pay it.

TomAz
08-11-2010, 12:42 PM
I'm just supposed to be homeless with a fully packed car for a few hours

Your friend should join the Coachella message board, sounds like she'd fit right in.

Mr. Dylanja
08-11-2010, 12:50 PM
God help her if she scuffs the sneaks.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
08-11-2010, 12:57 PM
i want to make a reality show of this girl and Kat living in a house together.

Gribbz
08-11-2010, 12:58 PM
i want to make a reality show of this girl and Kat living in a house together.

That would be unbearable.

locachica73
08-11-2010, 01:21 PM
When I was pregnant with my daughter I decided to go stay with a coworker who lived out on a farm for awhile. I had been living with my sister and her loser husband previously and couldn't handle the stress of that anymore. I thought that living out in the country would be more relaxing. The day I moved all my stuff out there I was kind of culture shocked to say the least. I had always lived in a smaller town but I still considered myself a big city girl. I liked having stores and restaurants in walking/driving distance, but these people lived out in the boondocks.

My first shock was being introduced to the pet cows, their names were breakfast and dinner so that her children would not become attached to them. The only pet I had ever known anyone to have were dogs and cats, never cows, but oh well, this was an adventure....

Then that night I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. She had shown me where the restroom was but I had not visited it until this point. I quietly crawl down the rickety stairs to the lower level, open the door and take a seat, all of a sudden out of the corner if my eye I notice this fucking pig staring at me from under the sink. Needless to say I screamed like a girl and woke up the whole house. They come rushing in and get a huge kick out of me standing up on the toilet staring at this thing in the corner. It was their pet pot bellied pig, he lived in the bathroom.

I only spent a few nights out there, after that I just couldn't handle it anymore. I packed up a few clothing items and started staying with my boyfriend. About a week later I found new living arrangements and went out to the crazy farm to get my belongings. I go into my bedroom and could just tell someone had been through my stuff. I had left my box of checkbooks in my underwear drawer along with my non everyday underwear (nighties and such). Not only had one of her teenagers gone through my shit, but he also tried forging my signature on some of my blank checks, leaving the evidence for me to find and decided to take several pairs of my nicer panties which I later found out he got caught wearing.

That lady and I were no longer friends after that.

guedita
08-11-2010, 01:35 PM
:rotfl Loca...a pig staring at you. That image is hilarious. I would freak out.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
08-11-2010, 01:39 PM
Holy crow that's one of the best bad roommate anecdotes ever.

Gribbz
08-11-2010, 01:40 PM
Cara, is your roommate coming to the Chemical Brothers?

guedita
08-11-2010, 01:43 PM
Another house-mate of mine is coming to the Chem Bro's show. My friend/new housemate (who you've met) is not to my knowledge, but might be at the pre-party/afterparty.

Courtney
08-11-2010, 01:47 PM
Haahahaaa Audra wins this thread.

amyzzz
08-11-2010, 01:55 PM
Audra, you're lucky the pig didn't decide to charge you. (My pig used to charge people). That's odd that your housemates didn't mention the pig living in the bathroom though.

locachica73
08-11-2010, 01:57 PM
I actually think they didn't mention it on purpose so they could laugh at me later. They didn't have cable, they needed some entertainment.

I was already on the toilet, if it had tried to charge me I don't know where else I would have gone.

amyzzz
08-11-2010, 01:59 PM
Well, that's just mean.

guedita
08-11-2010, 02:03 PM
God help her if she scuffs the sneaks.

No joke son. I just spent 30 minutes retying the ties on my Sperry top-siders.

caco0283
10-26-2010, 05:00 PM
oh man I'm getting tired of my rommate....when I get home I just want to watch a movie and be in peace....I don't care to hear about your fricken day...I don't want to tell you about my day...if I wanted you to know what my day was like I would post it on facebook....stfu and let me watch my movie

Ajaxe
10-26-2010, 10:31 PM
He died with Felafal in his hand is an awesome Aussie book written about real life flatmate experiances.. its also a movie I reccomend it :D

guedita
01-25-2011, 11:46 AM
Last night my stupid stoner housemate opened the door to me and my boyfriend's room at 10:30 without knocking because he wanted to show his girlfriend's mom the cats that live here. We always leave our doors open when we aren't at home. Who just opens someone's door without knocking? He's the worst. His and our room are right next to the kitchen and he stays up til 5 AM every night and comes out and tells me I need to be quiet when I'm making lunch or cleaning the kitchen at 11:00 AM.

unknown
01-25-2011, 11:48 AM
Funny to see this thread bumped today of all days. MY ASSHOLE ROOMMATES MOVED OUT TODAY. FUCKING REJOICE! hooray the bathroom is mine alllll mine!!!!!

edbangme
01-25-2011, 11:50 AM
I lived with a stripper for a few months, she would come home at like 5 in the morning and make breakfast naked and then we would count all the money she made and watch cartoons : )

LickTheLizzard
01-25-2011, 11:52 AM
My roommate is a ginger. I'm starting to suspect he doesn't have a soul.

guedita
01-25-2011, 11:52 AM
Get out of here.

Pixiessp
01-25-2011, 12:00 PM
I love that pig story. I would have freaked out as well.

NachoCat
01-25-2011, 12:19 PM
Roomate left some pizza in the fridge. Had a note that said "do not eat". I ate it and left a note that said "dont tell me how to live my life"

guedita
02-24-2011, 09:04 PM
Oh, you bought a tambourine. Now you are totally going to become a successful singer songwriter. Thanks for pounding out rhythms on it at 10 at night in our incredibly non-soundproof close quarters after I told you I was getting a lot of work done tonight, you dickbag.

tessalasset
02-24-2011, 09:13 PM
Wow I want you as a roommate. Mine pounds on my wall if I listen to any music louder than a whispering Damien Rice after like 10 pm.

eskamo951
02-24-2011, 10:56 PM
Oh, you bought a tambourine. Now you are totally going to become a successful singer songwriter. Thanks for pounding out rhythms on it at 10 at night in our incredibly non-soundproof close quarters after I told you I was getting a lot of work done tonight, you dickbag.

I'm no longer able to take naps because the roommate I share a wall with plays piano, banjo, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, and a few stringed instruments I don't know the name of. He also sings along to what I can only describe as "Bambi music." He stores the majority of his instruments in our living room (which shares the opposite wall), which was small enough as it was. I "trip" on them every time I watch tv. He also uses ALL the toilet paper, I've had to dig into my Coachella tp stash a few times. I don't understand how someone can use 4 roll sin a week, but he does it. He also never takes out his recycling, we have soda boxes and empty water cases strewn among his instruments. [/rant]

xxxxxxxxxx
02-24-2011, 11:18 PM
My roommate sleepwalks, apparently. He got up off the couch at 3am, walked into the kitchen, moved the table across the room, pulled the phone book out of a drawer in our kitchen and started ripping out random pages and throwing them all over the house. I ask him what he's doing and he looks up at me, stuffs 5 cookies in his mouth and just stumbles off to bed.

sbconnection
02-25-2011, 01:01 AM
So now that you have a job... Does this mean I have to start washing my own dishes? Whyyyyyyyy god Whyyyyyy!

zircona1
02-25-2011, 06:52 AM
I had a female roommate several years ago who had been falling behind on rent payments due to getting fired, she said she'd pay me back...of course, I fell for it.

Anyway, the cops came to my house at 3am one morning to arrest her. Two counts of failure to appear in court, and one count of misleading the police. One cop opened my bedroom door and shined a light in my face.

She got out on bail less than 24 hours later. Needless to say, I had to let her go after that. She let me keep some furniture she had bought since she couldn't pay me.

Less than a year later, she was arrested for climbing a smokestack. Must've been drunk or high. She fell asleep up there. I saved the clipping from the newspaper.:)

StegoDee
02-25-2011, 06:58 AM
Last night my stupid stoner housemate opened the door to me and my boyfriend's room at 10:30 without knocking because he wanted to show his girlfriend's mom the cats that live here. We always leave our doors open when we aren't at home. Who just opens someone's door without knocking? He's the worst. His and our room are right next to the kitchen and he stays up til 5 AM every night and comes out and tells me I need to be quiet when I'm making lunch or cleaning the kitchen at 11:00 AM.

Haha, wow - fuck that. I'd make it a point to clean the kitchen or make my lunch as loudly as possible.

Fourthisto
02-25-2011, 07:09 AM
he plays piano, banjo, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, and a few stringed instruments I don't know the name of. He also sings along to what I can only describe as "Bambi music." My mind is boggled. What does this mean??? He sings about how someone shot his mom in the meadow, and that his friend the skunk is a loser?? :confused:

RageAgainstTheAoki
11-15-2011, 06:01 PM
It seems silly to start a bothersome neighbors thread, so this one will do. I'm going to whine.

30+ units in my building. Three washers and dryers. Unfortunately, pets are allowed. I actually love animals, but not in apartment buildings. Most of my neighbors are pretty courteous when it comes to animal behavior, but lately someone in my building has been washing their pet stuff (beds and blankets, I imagine) in our laundry room. And worse yet, they leave the lint traps and the interiors of the dryers covered in endless gobs of pet hair. Today, I had to take a vacuum cleaner and swiffer down there to remove it all. I'm not on the HOA, but my landlord is so I take that as my permission to post notices at will. I posted this notice earlier this evening. People have already written several encouraging notes on it including...

"Hell yeah!"
"Thank you!!!"
and my favorite...
"Fuck that pussy!"

http://i39.tinypic.com/4g6fsn.jpg

nyarlathotoats
11-15-2011, 06:06 PM
^ Good one :)

jackstraw94086
11-15-2011, 06:12 PM
the "idiot" bit may well have repercussions.

OnlyNonStranger
11-15-2011, 06:15 PM
Yeah it does come off as a little strong.

In other news, I do not miss living with roommates or in apartments.

RageAgainstTheAoki
11-15-2011, 06:25 PM
Yeah, you're probably right, but judging by the the responses I'm hardly the only one who's fed up with this inconsiderate behavior.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
11-15-2011, 06:57 PM
my girlfriend's apartment manager is completely ballistic about putting up notes ALL OVER THE BUILDING, about every tiny thing you could possibly imagine. He also puts notes to individual tenants on their doors face up - the woman across the hall from heather had one that said something like, "YOU KEEP LEAVING TRASH ALL OVER THE PLACE AND YOU'RE MAKING THIS BUILDING A PIGSTY AND WE'RE ALL SICK OF IT!!!!!

it's all pretty wonderful and we both love the notes haha

santasutt
11-15-2011, 07:07 PM
http://www.media.wmg-is.com/media/portal/media/cms/images/200909/075679042729_xl.jpg

After my college roommate flunks out after freshman year I get lucky to have a "single" in a double room for most of fall semester of year 2. Come January, this wall size mofo, as well as lavender-scented candles, greet me on move in day. Well, Hellllooooo!!!!!

Friends and I would play "Sandinista" side 6 as a surefire antidote to his presence.

"I've had an awful lot of requests recently......asking...what happened to all those old songs??"

nyarlathotoats
11-16-2011, 09:38 AM
My roommate in college ripped off the smoke detector in our room because the small beam of light from it bugged him. I switched rooms after.

tessalasset
11-16-2011, 09:43 AM
That would drive me crazy, too, but I'd probably just put tape over it or something.

Neighborhood Creep
11-16-2011, 11:00 AM
I do not miss having my food missing. My roommates and I have always discussed what can and should not be shared and they always fucked it up after 2 weeks.

Fourthisto
11-16-2011, 11:08 AM
After three years and a month of being free and living solo, I'm about to have a roommate again.

Moving in with a buddy will probably be the best and worst idea I've had in a long, long time. I can clearly tell that I'm going to be the soulless, crazy jerk, it's just a question of how far things will go. Updates to come.

nathanfairchild
11-16-2011, 12:01 PM
Best roommate situation I ever had was my freshman year of college in the dorms. Neither of us knew each other beforehand and after about a week of awkwardness we became really good friends. Now I live with two people that I hate more than anyone I've ever hated, and we were friends going in. Moral of the story: don't live with people you're already friends with.

amyzzz
11-16-2011, 12:11 PM
My college dorm roommates were so awesome.

chairmenmeow47
11-16-2011, 12:30 PM
my boarding school roommate was rad. she'd leave me korean snacks, gel pens, and sanrio stationary on my desk :)

miscorrections
11-16-2011, 12:31 PM
Really good stories, folks. A+. Keep up the great work.

ThatGirl
11-16-2011, 12:44 PM
I do not miss having my food missing. My roommates and I have always discussed what can and should not be shared and they always fucked it up after 2 weeks.

Many many years back I had a roommate that left me a nasty note after I used one of his bounce sheets, leaving it on the dryer, saying - "I trust this will be replaced." Not sure if I was the bad roommate or the good roommate in this scenario.

Timestretch
11-16-2011, 01:06 PM
A friend of mine had a roommate who use to steal food. One day an entire tub of butter was missing. My friend eventually found the butter next to his roommates stack of hustlers in the bathroom. He stopped eating butter.

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 02:17 PM
had a roomate chick with alopecia, all kinds of wigs....she wass pretty cute. Personal trainer and tan....but bald and wore wigs. She was a health nut, we would come home from work and she would be rocking the george forman. Cooking alaskan cod or salmon and veggies....hot boxed fish stank and steamy sliding glass door. She also decided to share her room with another girl. She was cute and all, and how could we complain, we were three guys sharing a bed room (living in Huntington Beach was worth it at 20).
two weeks later the hot chicks kid and huge black boyfriend also joined the party.
None of the new family worked and it was only for a month (or six).

As boys we might have been worse...the house was always hotboxed, bongs, bubblers,vapes and jars everywhere. Canvases half done, everything tagged or painted, wheat paste plastered all over the stove, ten skateboards on the side yard, surfboards in every corner.

everyone is different and other peoples behavior is always going to seem crazy or nasty.

as long as the kitchen and bathroom stay clean, do whatever you want in your room.

Pixiessp
11-16-2011, 02:35 PM
I don't believe a word you say, Goatchella. Not one word.

marooko
11-16-2011, 02:38 PM
I had a roommate steal porno from me. Fucking weird.

I don't believe you Pixie.

Neighborhood Creep
11-16-2011, 02:38 PM
lol

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 02:40 PM
I don't believe a word you say, Goatchella. Not one word.

and...so what if you dont believe me.
just read the storys and kill some time. sheesh

amyzzz
11-16-2011, 02:41 PM
Once I decide that goatchella is full of shit, I feel a whole lot better about things. Thank you, Pixie.

Pixiessp
11-16-2011, 02:44 PM
Tell a real story and stop fabricating. You're not amusing.

Alchemy
11-16-2011, 02:45 PM
I have some stories for this thread. I'm going to write them up properly for all of you.

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 02:45 PM
hatechella up in this bitch....Amy is a lost cause....

but pixie, if your avi is a pic of you, you might be worth kissing some ass =)

Neighborhood Creep
11-16-2011, 02:45 PM
Where's the pics Goat. Why were these bitches bald

marooko
11-16-2011, 02:47 PM
I got a buddy back east who's married to a gal with alopecia. Not a big deal, just kinda hard to miss that fact that she only rocks one wig.

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 03:13 PM
Once I lived in a flop house...right after I moved from HB. I saw a childhood friend at Monster Massive and the after party turned into a three month flop/benge/cohabitation. My buddy lived in a huge house in a yuppie area of Glendora,CA.
His parents had divorced and the dad left the house to the mom and son.

The mom was a church nut, she would listen to christian radio via the houses intercom/music thingy and write notes in a book. She had three different masters degrees from USC, UCLA and Berkley. No body talked to her, they just came to do drugs or buy drugs and left. I would take care of her, clean the house ect. So we had his huge white carpet house with piano and pool and huge kitchen ect.

Waters is the most OG, wildest, hunter s thompson/ jay Z kid ever. Lyrics for days and drugs for even more days. Waters sat in his room and playd music on his computer allllll day while drugs came and went. He had the most gorgeous girlfriend ever. Paloma...the dove. They lived to rage all night and chill all day.

There was one other kid staying there. Paul. We called him pollywog. He worked at subway and partied back then. He woke up everyday to do chores in exchange for bong rips. He drank nothing but 20oz coca cola, smoked marlboro reds and ate tons of candy. He was kinda retarded and everyone always picked on him and treated him like shit. I always stood up for him and shopwed him love.

One night, Paul went to a party with some friends and got drunk...he ended up acting a fool and one of our friends knocked him out and threw him out and called the cops. When the cops came to get him, they asked where he lived and he told them the address on his ID was wrong. He lived at Waters house.
Its 4am....the goat is in his pajamas watching south park and tripping on shrooms. Waters is in his lab doing god knows what. There is a knock on the door, then a door bell. I run down stairs and look through the peep hole. I see five cop cars outside with lights flashing and Pollywog is there looking sad. My mind is racing. I fuck up my hair and make like im half asleep.
"hello, may I help you?" I say in a fake groggy voice. "Is the owner of the house here?"
"yes, one moment."I I shut the door...mind racing.

I run up stairs and tell Waters whats up, I go to my room..flushing a half ounce of blow, qp pf shrooms, beans, hash,dmt, vics ect... Alot of shit. Im freaking out. Waters goes down stairs and talks to the police. They explain whats going on and ask if Pollywog lives there and they tell him the story, his eye is all busted up. Waters brings him in the house...Pollywog is drunk as fuck, busted eye and crying like a boy.

I cant continue this story....very graphic after this.....moral of story, dont sell drugs, dont do drugs and dont have drunk idiots in your crew if you decide to anyways.

miscorrections
11-16-2011, 03:20 PM
Bendge.

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 03:25 PM
Bendge.

was that the only prob in that long story?

my flop house storys are prob the craziest....punk bands in the living room, draining the pool.....divorced broken homes always leave a place for twenty something kids to be wild and free.

nathanfairchild
11-16-2011, 03:32 PM
sounds like that meth house bd lived in

guedita
11-16-2011, 03:34 PM
Wait, what is a flop house?

miscorrections
11-16-2011, 03:34 PM
Sounds like a pile of horseshit that makes me feel better about myself, but only for a second because I did make the mistake of reading it in the first place.

guedita
11-16-2011, 03:36 PM
I feel like Goatchella and Snakebro are brothasfromanothermotha

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 03:36 PM
Ive never seen meth, tried it or lived with/associated with a tweeker.
You get stomped out and disowned if you do that where I came from.

Ive always had a very nice home to live in, but when I was being a bastard son and thought I had it all figured out, I stayed in some wild spots. wouldnt ever go back to living that life, but Im glad I did it and I dont regret anything.

guedita
11-16-2011, 03:37 PM
WHAT IS A FLOP HOUSE

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 03:38 PM
Wait, what is a flop house?

seriously? you dont know?

flop house...anyone can crash, party 24/7, punk rock kids dream. no rules, no parents. No future

Gribbz
11-16-2011, 03:38 PM
Cara has lived a very sheltered life.

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 03:41 PM
Cara has lived a very sheltered life.

Well not for long...Im gonna corrupt her

guedita
11-16-2011, 03:41 PM
Cara has lived a very sheltered life.

HOUSING JOKE!

I was hoping flop was an acronym for something. Free Lots of Porn or something.

Neighborhood Creep
11-16-2011, 03:42 PM
HOUSING JOKE!

I was hoping flop was an acronym for something. Free Lots of Porn or something.

Fap house

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 03:46 PM
I lived in a flop that was on the same cul de sac as my parents house when I was 18. The parents split and left the house to the son (the first on of my friends to come out) and the daughter. We had a dope 2. story pad, pool and backyard...$600,000 all paid for with just the three of us. I had turntables in the living room, drained the pool and invited everyone I knew over every night. Shit was sooooo fun.

Im the roomate you want....non stop fun and I clean up before and after

Gribbz
11-16-2011, 03:48 PM
WHAT IS A FLOP HOUSE


It's the antithesis of "prog-house."

Gribbz
11-16-2011, 03:51 PM
I've been known to dabble when I'm behind the 1s and 2s.

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 03:52 PM
I want to hear more of these ...I love this thread. Im glad I never had to live with freaks like the purple chick...I love freaks and reading about it tho.

guedita
11-16-2011, 03:53 PM
I can attest to Goatchella cleaning up a place.

And I guess I did know what a flop house was. Saw one in the beloved Disney movie, Oliver and Company

Neighborhood Creep
11-16-2011, 03:59 PM
I can attest to Goatchella cleaning up a place.



Roo when he couldn't sleep?

bobert
11-16-2011, 04:01 PM
My old roommate was seven feet tall and he used horse shampoo.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2695/4485921570_8588736773_o.jpg

He said normal human shampoo made his hair look gay.

NachoCat
11-16-2011, 04:02 PM
Goat I prob know you but I dont know that I know you and you know me but we dont know each other, you know?

marooko
11-16-2011, 04:02 PM
I kinda feel like that with everyone here.

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 04:03 PM
Disney movies dont do justice....a flop house is like your coachella camp, in a house, every day.

I like living alone...no roomates. Just me and my bearded dragon and my fern.

Id rather fill a bedroom with green girls and pay ALL of the bills than have a dumbass with a bunch of issues help pay or not pay rent.

amyzzz
11-16-2011, 04:04 PM
green girls?

Neighborhood Creep
11-16-2011, 04:06 PM
Tell the green ladies I miss them, Goat

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 04:07 PM
Goat I prob know you but I dont know that I know you and you know me but we dont know each other, you know?

I know that Im going to find you at chella this year and were going to have fun.
Alot of people I meet, I can swear I have know them for years, maybe in another life time or something. Right when you meet people and read that energy and it just feels like your picking up where you left off.

Jeff Ray: all they care about is eating and sleeping...but Ill tell em.

bobert
11-16-2011, 04:11 PM
green girls?

I think he's implying that he replaced his annoying roommates with marijuana. It's a shrewd move. The bearded dragon probably doesn't pitch in on rent.

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 04:16 PM
I would If I had to..there is no living marijuana where I live. Just saying, Id rather some stinky plants with simple routine than a stink wierdo human.

The bearded can pay bills if I breed him.

Fourthisto
11-16-2011, 04:18 PM
Draining the pool every night does not only sound like a lot of work, but quite an interesting euphemism.

chairmenmeow47
11-16-2011, 04:19 PM
My old roommate was seven feet tall and he used horse shampoo.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2695/4485921570_8588736773_o.jpg

He said normal human shampoo made his hair look gay.

of course

Goatchella
11-16-2011, 04:19 PM
Draining the pool every night does not only sound like a lot of work, but quite an interesting euphemism.

lol...drain the pool to skate in it during winter

Fourthisto
11-16-2011, 05:16 PM
Hahah oh. And I know what you mean about "knowing" people you don't know - that's one of the best things in life.

Alchemy
11-16-2011, 06:41 PM
Prologue

Let me share some anecdotes and observations about a roommate I had with all of you gentle people. It was when I moved to Manhattan in the golden year of 2009. I lived in this big apartment on the 14th floor of a skyscraper, with windows that overlooked the Federal Reserve and the rest of the Financial District. When I moved in, there was one other guy, L. He’s a good friend of mine and he was an excellent roommate (except he was a little noisy, and he did get sick a few times). We shared this bedroom that had three beds, and at the time, we each had our own bathrooms. My bathroom was entered through our room, and his bathroom was outside our room, in a hall that connected to our kitchen. The kitchen was very spacious, and there was another bed in there (in the kitchen), and we had fun ideas of making it a living area. But then one evening, when I was in Brooklyn, watching Grizzly Bear on the Waterfront, I received a text message from L and he said that a new roommate had arrived to take over the bed in our “living area.” I will call that roommate G, and he is the guy I would like to talk to all of you about…


The Mysterious and Secret G

The first thing I want to say about G is that he didn’t seem to be a crazy character. When I got back from the concert, G met me at the door and said hello. He’s a rather heavyset guy who wears glasses and buttoned-up shirts. He appeared to be awfully timid when we first introduced ourselves – maybe even a bit nervous. After telling me his name and learning mine, he just kind of retreated to his area. He had put up a curtain to separate his little area from the rest of the kitchen, and he went on to spend most of the time in there, being mysterious and quiet… Except, according to L, he wasn’t timid or nervous or quiet at all. No, according to L, whenever I was not in the apartment, G would sing funny songs to L, and he would make inappropriate jokes, and he would even dance around… It seemed that all the time I’d return to my room from one of my adventures out in the city, L had a new crazy story to tell me about G… But G never acted this way around me. L even told me that he thought G might be mentally challenged. For a while, I thought L might be lying to me, or just really over-exaggerating… But one day, I was sitting very quietly at my desk, surfing the Internet. Our room was set up in such a way, that if you stood at our door, you wouldn’t have seen me there at my desk. Well, G came home from class, and he stood at our doorway, and he started singing a jazz tune for L. L looked at me in sublime excitement, because his title of a liar had been cleared. G saw me, and he did not act embarrassed, but he continued to sing. After that, G sang songs, danced, and told me the same things that L had said G told him. Thus, the true nature of G was revealed to me. Why were they revealed to us at different times? It is one of the mysteries of the universe.


During G’s Journey to School

It turns out that L was onto something about G being “mentally challenged.” Let me shed some light on this by giving you an example of a conversation with G… I venture out of the room, into the kitchen, to make myself some food. G realizes that I’ve entered the kitchen right away, and I hear him shuffling around behind his curtain, and then he emerges. He would always emerge whenever somebody entered the kitchen. He nods his head in hello and stands in the center of the kitchen. I am preparing a pot of Ramen, or something, and he watches while he gathers his thoughts. He says something like, “Hey, you know, I was heading to school today…” and it almost seems like he is telling a joke, because he has this comedian-like delivery… “And I took the subway over to Penn Station on the way…” and especially here, it seems like some interesting thing may have happened to him on the way to school, but then he says, “Do you know much about Penn Station?” And, of course, I don’t know a damn thing about Penn Station, so I say, “Not really.” He would say, “Oh well, it’s really interesting: In 1968, Charles Luckman made a model for Madison Square Garden, and they were going to demolish…” And so he talks about the history of Penn Station for the entire duration of the noodles’ cooking, and my eating the noodles, until he’s saying something like, “But then the Transportation Authority commissioned this new – ” “G, man, I’ve got to go. Let’s talk about this some other time.” And in the end (always), nothing funny or interesting happened to G on the way to school. All of these stories served one purpose: So that he may speak about one of the subway stations or one of the historic buildings. It turned out that G has Asperger’s, and his Asperger’s Area of Expertise is stuff related to city planning.


G Starts to Watch the Show Mad Men

Somewhere in the year that we were all living together, G started to watch the show Mad Men. Summaries of recent episodes he watched began to replace his “Kitchen Lectures,” despite the fact that I did not watch the show. Most importantly, however, was that G began to gel his hair so as to appear like the gentlemen on Mad Men. He even showed me this special little jar, which was accurate to what the people on Mad Men would have used in their time or something, probably… And so his hair was now like a solid rock, slicked back on his head.


G Takes the Hallway Bathroom – Part One

G starts to use the hallway bathroom, and L starts to share my bathroom with me – it wasn’t so bad, because we never were in conflict with each other, and we were both clean. L and I notice a peculiar habit of G: G takes, at least, three showers a day. He takes a shower, walks over to his little area with a towel wrapped around him, changes back into the same clothes that he was wearing that day, does stuff for a while in his little area, goes and takes another shower, etc… always wearing the same clothes anyway, and always gelling his hair before going out.


G Catches the Horrible Flu Going Around

G caught the flu one time, and he was stuck in his little area. The R.A. met with me outside the apartment and told me that G’s mom had called, and she said that G needed to be taken care of. I lurk around the kitchen and listen to the R.A. talk to G, saying something like, “Yo, G, what’s happening with you? Got the flu? Shit, man… What are we going to do? Want me to go to Duane Reade and get some shit for you or something? You want, like, some PowerAid or some shit?” It turns out that G has some very specific things that he wants, which I cannot even recall. But he says something like, “Yes, go and get this, and this, and this…” So the R.A. goes to Duane Reade, gets some stuff, and then he returns. I sneak back into the kitchen. The R.A. says, “Alright, G. Shit, man. Here. I got you some of this and this. You should take me out for lunch when you get better, man.” The R.A. got this stuff with his own money. G starts to complain about having to do anything for the R.A.


G Takes the Hallway Bathroom – Part Two

The hallway starts to smell a lot like piss, and it is coming from G’s bathroom. I invest in a spray for pet odor.


G Emerges in the Morning

One morning, I hear G running around in the kitchen. Usually he runs over to the bathroom, to use it or take a shower. He’s always stomping over to it very fast… Well, he had been making noise as usual, but nothing seemed different, and he went behind his curtain. I went into the kitchen and made myself a breakfast sandwich – one of those frozen ones that you put in the microwave. As usual, G emerges from his area when he hears me making noise. He has emerged and he is wearing what he always wears when he goes to sleep – a light blue muumuu. He stands by the entrance of his makeshift lair and watches me stare at the microwave. I would usually stand still, as though I were invisible and trying to not make a noise that would give away my location, as if that would somehow prevent one of his lectures on city stuff. But it was early anyway, and usually, he was too tired to talk… But something weird was going on. I didn’t know what exactly, but I could sense that something was wrong. Maybe it was because he wasn’t moving. Maybe it was just something supernatural… But as I pulled my sandwich from the microwave, G stomped very fast into his bathroom and closed the door. I looked to the hallway. I looked to where he was standing by his curtain, and there on the floor, where he stood, was a puddle of something – maybe it was piss, maybe it was watery poop. I did not care to find out what it was exactly. I quietly, but swiftly, returned to my room and shut the door. I sat at my desk. I threw my sandwich into the trashcan. I did not leave my room until 4 PM, because I was busy contemplating the vast wonders of the world.


G Takes the Hallway Bathroom – Part Three

I met with the R.A.s, because we were fast approaching the summer, and it was almost time to move out, and they were going to check out the rooms. I met with them because I needed to tell them about G’s bathroom, and that I would not be held accountable for what they found in there. We formed an expedition party of three, and we opened the door to his bathroom when he was not there. The sink counter was covered in a layer of orange mold. The porcelain throne seemed barnacled with old shells of poop. There seemed to be this impossible build-up of calcium on the shower walls, but it was actually probably just some kind of scum. The floor had splatters of horror. A friend of mine, who had peeked in while visiting me, accurately described the bathroom as “a scene from Saw.” The R.A.s demanded that G clean his bathroom. But he did not do a very good job in his first attempt. But then, one night, I was sitting downstairs with this beautiful girl who I was deeply in love with, and G came downstairs to talk to an R.A. about doing an interview for one of his classes. (G later asked me who the girl I was sitting with was, because he thought she was very beautiful too.) Anyway, the R.A. said, aloud, “Damn, G, have you cleaned up that shithole bathroom of yours?” (I had already told the girl about G, anyway, but he didn’t know that.) That embarrassing event inspired G to take bleach to that bathroom, and he spent an entire day on it, and he made that bathroom look heavenly – though, I would still not step foot in it.

ods..
11-16-2011, 07:04 PM
Loved it. Hilarious.

Premium Roast
11-16-2011, 07:09 PM
want a roommate now

miscorrections
11-16-2011, 07:31 PM
It is to lol.

Fourthisto
11-16-2011, 08:02 PM
Wow, Alchemy - I would buy a book of your adventures. :)

nathanfairchild
11-16-2011, 08:32 PM
...

YWyCCJ6B2WE

RageAgainstTheAoki
11-16-2011, 08:49 PM
Ha. Tales of the City II. That was great, Alchemy.

RedHotSgtPeppers
11-16-2011, 10:52 PM
Very nice, Alc.
*applause*

fiopadp7791
11-17-2011, 04:32 AM
Alchemy, those stories bring new meaning to the phrase "G-funk era"... Sorry. That was awful.

I'm sure some of you have dealt with roommate situations where, like G, you're just moving into a place where your roommates have already lived there for a significant amount of time?

I've dealt with this situation twice. Once with close friends and once with complete strangers. The problem with this is, they have their ways set. So the most nit-picky quirks shine through.

When paying equal rent and bills, getting it into people's heads that I'm not living in their house, but that it's OUR house... Can be a tough, ugly subject for them to grasp. It can just show itself when doing laundry or washing dishes etc. I think fair expectations of each other are clean up after yourself, and respect each others privacy and property and you should be able to co-exist. You know... The basics.

This problem made a good friend borderline unbearable during the year I lived with
him(we're since on better terms now that we aren't roommates). The strangers (3 others) I
lived with the past year, the one I had the biggest issues with (and her with me) got
her own place, while the rest of us do just fine. I'm not perfect, but I'm not a problem
either.

Am I alone on this? The situation of moving in with people who have already lived there for awhile?

M Sparks
11-17-2011, 07:05 AM
I had a roommate in college I only knew as "Ski". He had a pronounced limp and little-man syndrome, which he compensated for by keeping a sword hanging over his bed. Mind you, it wasn't sharp in any way, but it was Excalibur style and would probably do a lot of damage just by blunt force trauma. He also had many exotic pets, which was weird because we lived in a dorm. Tarantulas, Emperor Scorpions, snakes. There was a ferret at one point, but that may have been someone else's.

Anyway, the limp. He claimed it was from a parachuting accident, came down wrong and snapped something. After he graduated, we asked his little sister about it. Turns out she had put him in a box and pushed him down the stairs when they were kids.

Goatchella
11-17-2011, 07:20 AM
I love it when people lie about shit like that...dumb little things.

This thread is money...I love these stories. Moar please

marooko
11-17-2011, 07:45 AM
Please ask "G" to join this forum. I want to hear more about "stuff relating to city planning". Thank you.

fatbastard
11-17-2011, 09:07 AM
I would recommend this person for the role of RA in the event that Alchemy's story is turned into a movie.


http://www.thefilmyap.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Tiny-Lister-Deebo.jpg

guedita
11-17-2011, 05:36 PM
I agree that living with friends doesn't usually turn out well. There are exceptions, though (see below):

I just moved to a new apartment and one of my best friends and former housemates has the other bedroom. He moved in before I did, so when I moved in he had already purchased two Costco sized bottles of ranch dressing for general use. On my first weekend fully moved in I went out to the city and didn't get home til 9 in the morning on Sunday, and he had made us all breakfast so we ate and read the Sunday paper and caught up.

He does keep yelling at me for not squee-gee-ing the glass bathroom doors of the shower. Even though it's not his bathroom.

marooko
11-17-2011, 05:47 PM
That shit is hard to get off (even with CLR) if you don't do it daily.

Goatchella
11-18-2011, 07:09 AM
yeah...plus squeegeeing is fun

CellarOwl
11-18-2011, 08:50 AM
Moving out on your own is a huge sigh of relief, but you lose all of the potentially awesome roommate stories. I hated when my last roommate nearly got us evicted for setting the house on fire, pissing on the neighbor's roof all winter long, etc... but looking back they're great to tell at parties.

JustSteve
11-18-2011, 09:09 AM
i've never had a roommate. not sure if i am happy about that or sad that i may have missed out on some crazy stories.

Goatchella
11-18-2011, 09:16 AM
fuck roomates....you dont want to live these storys

ThatGirl
11-18-2011, 09:29 AM
That shit is hard to get off (even with CLR) if you don't do it daily.

Comet and a scrub brush works really well as long as there is no pattern or design on the glass that can scratch off. And even though we squeegee the shower door every day I still have to do the cleaning job.

Goatchella
11-18-2011, 09:31 AM
wahhh

fatbastard
11-18-2011, 10:36 AM
I could never trust anyone enough to live with them.

locachica73
11-18-2011, 10:54 AM
When I was 18 I use to live with my sister and her first husband, him and I never got along, when they got married everyone assumed I would try to stop the wedding. At the time we lived together I worked graveyard hours and he didn't work, one night when I didn't have to work I was in the living room watching a movie and apparently I woke him up. He got mad so he waited till I was asleep, pointed the speakers of his stereo out his bedroom door and put on Holy Diver on repeat as loud as his stereo would go (he knew how much I already hated the song). This went on for about a week whenever I would try to sleep at home. Of course I couldn't just sit back and let this continue so I would do whatever I could to annoy him when I was awake and not working. We refer to that time as the war of the stereos. Good times.

That song still gives me bad dreams.

Goatchella
11-18-2011, 11:05 AM
that song reminds me of jack black

fatbastard
11-19-2011, 07:03 AM
bkysjcs5vFU

nathanfairchild
11-19-2011, 10:53 AM
fuck roomates....you dont want to live these storys

while i do mostly agree with this statement, i think having a roommate, good or bad, is something that everyone should experience.

CrimesceneCookie
11-19-2011, 11:34 AM
When I was in college I came home one night to find my tweaker roomate alone on the living room couch in the dark rubbing a massager on his ass through his underwear. He barely acknowledged my presence, which was for the best.
He was a creepy guy and I still don't know why I rented a room there. I was young and naive.\
I ended up finally moving out after his tweaker boyfriend stole my credit card to buy $15 worth of shit across the street.

rjadams90
11-19-2011, 12:10 PM
A couple years back one of my roommates decided he wanted to cook some ramen piss ass drunk. He grabbed a plastic bowl, put it on top of the stove, put the ramen still in the plastic package in the bowl, and turned the stove on.

Luckily, this was done while a party was going on so we just watched in awe. I turned off the stove right away and sent him to bed.

/I don't miss roommates at all

casey
11-28-2011, 11:44 AM
Once, when I was interviewing roommates, this dude came in and said he would buy a big screen TV and surround sound, put it in the living room, and then we could pay him a monthly fee to use it.

Another time I had a roommate who said we should divide up the share of rent based on the amount of square footage of the house we used. He wanted to call someone to measure it out. We had a second room on the first floor of the house that had a p i n g pong table and he said that we would have to charge the person who bought the p i n g pong table for the square footage space they were using, too.

Sleepingrock
11-28-2011, 12:02 PM
Why is P-ing not allowed?

nathanfairchild
11-28-2011, 12:05 PM
could it be considered racist to asians?

TomAz
11-28-2011, 12:32 PM
only dagos and kikes think like that.

stuporfly
11-28-2011, 12:38 PM
could it be considered racist to asians?

Because they're so good at table tennis?

http://i40.tinypic.com/i5an3a.jpg

nathanfairchild
11-28-2011, 12:40 PM
not really what i meant but whatever.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
11-28-2011, 12:54 PM
I would seriously like to know what you mean, because I've never heard that word referenced as derogatory slang for Asian people. Thou hast me confounded.

amyzzz
11-28-2011, 03:40 PM
A couple other racist slurs are asterisked out on the board so he was just wondering if p i n g was another racist slur. I think that is all he was saying.

Mugwog
11-28-2011, 05:03 PM
You make up your own fun story; here are some scenarios I've lived in:

When I first moved to LA from OC, had some requirements: Easy parking, my own bathroom, a room in a house, weed smoking was A-OK (that's a must where ever I live), clean kitchen.

Found an awesome spot on craigslists (><) - $600/month w/ all my requirements + a great pool, a must in the Valley during the summer (NoHo/Valley Village @ Laurel Canyon/Victory).

Catch: Roommate was a LARGE Gay black man, a bear type. He seemed chill upon first meeting. After living with him; it was revealed he was in and out of PRISON in the 80s for crack.
He also had the midnight craigslist booty calls and the creakiest bed in the west.
Often I'd be leaving for work and there would be a naked fat man huddling out of his bathroom in the hallway. Real glad I have a sense of humor, so I could make some sweet ass lemonade out of some fucked up lemons.


Crazy roommate scenario 2:
Former good friend has roommates constantly cycling; had a vacancy, I needed a place to live, moved in. His (now ex) gf was a secret meth user, after they both stopped agreeing to do meth. Lots of emotional fights.
His brother has been and always will be a homeless bum/hobo stopped by for an extended stay about 3 weeks after I moved in. He stayed until I moved out (3 months later). And he also had a homeless apprentice. They both reeked of burnt asshole and rank BO.

Choose your own adventure. There were many, I'll help you out:
The Meth using GF was ejected from our apartment after I had the entire Burbank PD and FD in my home because the GF had cut both of her wrists and at that point I had to call 911. My house also reeked of weed, as my friends and I had just returned from a dispensary and basically lit my room on fire. Our session was buzzkilled by hobo apprentice running in my room saying "***** cut her wrists! She's trying to kill herself call 911, someone call 911!"

frizzlefry
11-28-2011, 05:48 PM
Got back from a Thanksgiving vacation to see family recently. I left last Tuesday, my roommate left for her own vacation on Wednesday and is still not back, this left the apartment empty for about four days. The door was unlocked when I opened it Sunday morning, she left the fucking door unlocked for nearly a week while both of us were at least hours away. Luckily nothing is missing.

SoulDischarge
11-28-2011, 05:49 PM
So you just get a metallic taste in your mouth? Your tongue doesn't start resembling a pine cone or anything? Disappointing disease.

nathanfairchild
11-28-2011, 06:32 PM
A couple other racist slurs are asterisked out on the board so he was just wondering if p i n g was another racist slur. I think that is all he was saying.

This is all I meant.

tessalasset
11-28-2011, 10:54 PM
Why is P-ing not allowed?

It's a long-standing ban because of an old user named lamedar. He would just comment "P ING!" after everything, so Dani finally banned it. First word to ever get banned on the board. I don't know if anything else has since then.

Goatchella
11-29-2011, 09:14 AM
Shedding girlfriend always leaving hair balls around the pad. Don't you dare use hairspray in the bathroom when I am drying racks of herb. Fuckig Chewie.

guedita
12-08-2011, 12:42 PM
When I was pregnant with my daughter I decided to go stay with a coworker who lived out on a farm for awhile. I had been living with my sister and her loser husband previously and couldn't handle the stress of that anymore. I thought that living out in the country would be more relaxing. The day I moved all my stuff out there I was kind of culture shocked to say the least. I had always lived in a smaller town but I still considered myself a big city girl. I liked having stores and restaurants in walking/driving distance, but these people lived out in the boondocks.

My first shock was being introduced to the pet cows, their names were breakfast and dinner so that her children would not become attached to them. The only pet I had ever known anyone to have were dogs and cats, never cows, but oh well, this was an adventure....

Then that night I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. She had shown me where the restroom was but I had not visited it until this point. I quietly crawl down the rickety stairs to the lower level, open the door and take a seat, all of a sudden out of the corner if my eye I notice this fucking pig staring at me from under the sink. Needless to say I screamed like a girl and woke up the whole house. They come rushing in and get a huge kick out of me standing up on the toilet staring at this thing in the corner. It was their pet pot bellied pig, he lived in the bathroom.

I only spent a few nights out there, after that I just couldn't handle it anymore. I packed up a few clothing items and started staying with my boyfriend. About a week later I found new living arrangements and went out to the crazy farm to get my belongings. I go into my bedroom and could just tell someone had been through my stuff. I had left my box of checkbooks in my underwear drawer along with my non everyday underwear (nighties and such). Not only had one of her teenagers gone through my shit, but he also tried forging my signature on some of my blank checks, leaving the evidence for me to find and decided to take several pairs of my nicer panties which I later found out he got caught wearing.

That lady and I were no longer friends after that.

This is still my favorite story ever. I think about it sporadically and start bursting into laughter.

NachoCat
12-08-2011, 01:43 PM
When I first met my girlfriend she was living with 2 other girls. One was great, the other…. You know I am a pretty reasonable guy. I don’t think I’ve ever really hated someone personally. Until I met this girl. Heather was one real fuckin dark cold hearted person to the core. For example, one night while Heather and Kes were watching TV drinking wine. Heather tells her that she has cancer. Not in a joking way. In a tears in her eyes, breaking down, I’m sorry I never told you kinda way. They both stayed up all night talking/crying the whole fucking bit. The next day Kes says something to her along the lines of “I can’t believe you never told me”. Heather is like “Oh you really believed that? Haha I was kidding” Made up the entire thing. My GF was seriously pissed. As she should be. That’s some cold shit. They have been friends since middle school

Heather one night gives us a call while we are out and says she is locked out of the house. Its late, we have been drinking and are in no shape to drive across town to help her out. Heather is pissed, she hangs up. No more than 20 minutes later she calls back.

Heather- “OMG someone broke into the house”

Kes –“what the fuck, seriously?”

Heather – “Yeah looks like they broke the window to get in”

Kes – HAHA ok so you tried to get in and broke the window, whatever I don’t care just fix it tomorrow or something”

Heather – “ No, the back door was open but when I came in I noticed the window was broken, someone must have broken in but they didn’t steal anything they must have got scared off or something”

She seriously stuck by her story for about week before she said that it was her. She was trying to get my GF to pay for half of the window. It was pretty funny watching her blank faced stare when I asked her why they didn’t steal anything. Including the $60 in cash that was sitting on the counter directly below where they broke in. She’s a real winner .

She moved to FL with the rest of the crazies though. Good luck Caco!

Goatchella
12-08-2011, 02:00 PM
Scandie

Fourthisto
12-17-2011, 07:31 AM
3 Weeks In - So Far, So Good.


Roommate: "Dude, do you know where our brooms are?"

Me: "What?"

Roommate: "The brooms we have. Where are they?"

Me: "............. I don't own a broom. And I don't remember you ever having a broom around."

Roommate: "Hmmm."

Me: ".... exactly how drunk did you get last night?"

Roommate: "....."

Me: "Dude, did you get so shitfaced that you thought a good idea would be to go out and buy a bunch of brooms in the middle of the night??"

Roommate: "....."

Me: "God damn it, dude - you need to focus on your drunken expenses. You need to keep your impulse broombuying in check."

heart cooks brain
12-17-2011, 07:35 AM
lol. could be much worse.

Mugwog
12-17-2011, 12:15 PM
Me: "Dude, did you get so shitfaced that you thought a good idea would be to go out and buy a bunch of brooms in the middle of the night??"

Roommate: "....."

Me: "God damn it, dude - you need to focus on your drunken expenses. You need to keep your impulse broombuying in check."

I bwahahaha'd

guedita
03-17-2012, 08:46 PM
I come home from a huge night away partying and my house mate makes me a PB and J and watches Cougar Town with me. Yessssss.

fatbastard
06-02-2012, 05:22 AM
:bump

kreutz2112
09-10-2012, 04:08 PM
I moved to Irvine, CA to go to graduate school at UC Irvine back in June. I live in a 2-bedroom apartment in graduate student housing. I was assigned a roommate in July, but he didn't get here until yesterday. We had communicated very minimally via email, but I had no clue what this person was going to be like. So he gets here during the day, moves his stuff in, and we have a brief small talk-heavy conversation. Then he goes in his room and like 5 hours passes. My girlfriend is over at this point and we are making dinner and watching TV. I then get this text:

"Hey man, so I have someone coming over at like 9:15...would you guys mind heading into your room while they come in the door? I will knock on your door when they are in and then you can come out. They just want to be discreet and stuff lol."

My girlfriend and I look at each other in amazement, but oblige without asking any questions; and when we here a knock at the door he comes out of his room, we go in mine, he answers the door, we here his door shut, he knocks on my door and we come out and go about our business. They are in his room for ~2hrs and then I get another text asking us to do the same thing while this person leaves. We oblige, no questions asked, again. After another knock on my door we come out and he is in the kitchen making a sandwich and we start talking about The Walking Dead or some shit. Nothing is mentioned about the weirdness that just occurred.

Is what happened a normal thing to have happen the first night you meet your new roommate, or at all for that matter? I feel like it's not. My girlfriend and I came to the conclusion that it was most likely a craigslist hookup and he was too embarrassed to admit it/say anything about it.

bmack86
09-10-2012, 05:12 PM
Or maybe he's just trying to see what weird shit he can do right when he moves in. Or maybe his friend is Medusa and if you look at her you will turn to stone.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
09-10-2012, 05:19 PM
It's weird, but at least he's being polite about it and didn't leave you waiting for a long time. If I were you i'd prepare for some pretty bizarre behavior from this guy - but if he just wants to be strangely private, that shouldn't affect you negatively too much. You may never be able to have a party or anything though if he's going to be around.

algunz
09-10-2012, 07:19 PM
That's weird and although you both were polite I can't see this pattern very easy to sustain for too long.

ods..
09-10-2012, 07:49 PM
That's weird as FUCK

Mugwog
09-10-2012, 08:20 PM
I moved to Irvine, CA to go to graduate school at UC Irvine back in June. I live in a 2-bedroom apartment in graduate student housing. I was assigned a roommate in July, but he didn't get here until yesterday. We had communicated very minimally via email, but I had no clue what this person was going to be like. So he gets here during the day, moves his stuff in, and we have a brief small talk-heavy conversation. Then he goes in his room and like 5 hours passes. My girlfriend is over at this point and we are making dinner and watching TV. I then get this text:

"Hey man, so I have someone coming over at like 9:15...would you guys mind heading into your room while they come in the door? I will knock on your door when they are in and then you can come out. They just want to be discreet and stuff lol."

My girlfriend and I look at each other in amazement, but oblige without asking any questions; and when we here a knock at the door he comes out of his room, we go in mine, he answers the door, we here his door shut, he knocks on my door and we come out and go about our business. They are in his room for ~2hrs and then I get another text asking us to do the same thing while this person leaves. We oblige, no questions asked, again. After another knock on my door we come out and he is in the kitchen making a sandwich and we start talking about The Walking Dead or some shit. Nothing is mentioned about the weirdness that just occurred.

Is what happened a normal thing to have happen the first night you meet your new roommate, or at all for that matter? I feel like it's not. My girlfriend and I came to the conclusion that it was most likely a craigslist hookup and he was too embarrassed to admit it/say anything about it.
First, condolences on moving to Irvine, the town I grew up in. Second it seems like your roommate has a sexual kink in them they haven't reigned into control yet. I had a heavy set bear for a roommate (the gay hairy man kind, not the yogi bear kind) who had his "discreet" visits at 11pm-3am.

For your sake, I hope your roommate doesn't have a creaky bed. You may never sleep once you find out what he's inviting into your apartment.
http://www.asf-13thmoon.demon.co.uk/liveshows/07november/kamil_7.jpg

unit300021
09-10-2012, 11:14 PM
Maybe he is gay and he just isn't comfortable telling you yet.

miscorrections
09-10-2012, 11:23 PM
Honestly, that was the first thing that popped into my head. And it would also be the most benign explanation, so let's hope for closeted!