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View Full Version : Orgasmic feelings that arenít actually orgasms



TheUnderworld
02-22-2010, 07:16 PM
Iíve got one: Q-Tips cleaning out your ears.

What else?

guedita
02-22-2010, 07:18 PM
Sneezing.

gaypalmsprings
02-22-2010, 07:19 PM
rubbing my eyes after removing my contacts

J~$$$$
02-22-2010, 07:29 PM
Prison rape.


I mean adreniline rushes.

Mr.Nipples
02-22-2010, 07:30 PM
playing through one of these with the volume wide open
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2236/2205727674_7f6b28e4f8_o.jpg

J~$$$$
02-22-2010, 07:35 PM
Watching Olympic ice dancing and holding your breath for the entire routine.

Somewhat Damaged
02-22-2010, 07:43 PM
Farting and sneezing simultaneously. Or the trifecta, doing both whilst also urinating.

lowfront
02-22-2010, 07:44 PM
rolling balls in the sahara when a crazy beat drops and everyone goes nuts

Monklish
02-22-2010, 07:44 PM
When people make fun of my hat and face.

gaypalmsprings
02-22-2010, 07:47 PM
When I pee in Monklish's butt.

Dr. Lufs-al-ot
02-22-2010, 07:49 PM
Holding my head under the covers whilst I fart uncontrollably after eating copious amounts of beans and the like.

Grant
02-22-2010, 07:49 PM
COVERED WAGON!!!!

Bud Luster
02-22-2010, 07:52 PM
The obvious, holding a pee in for a really really really long time...




























































then letting go in MOnks butt.

Somewhat Damaged
02-22-2010, 07:57 PM
*something something* Monklish's butt ahahahahaha

GrossMagic
02-22-2010, 07:58 PM
A nice hot shower after three or more days of constant partying.

malcolmjamalawesome
02-22-2010, 08:01 PM
Actual orgasms

IDCrisis
02-22-2010, 08:12 PM
Iíve got one: Q-Tips cleaning out your ears.
What else?
Seeing as I only use Q-tips in my ears, I don't know what else to recommend. I suppose maybe one of those spiral like brushes they use to clean your electric razor would bring on that bust a nut feeling.

I have a couple of generic orgasm simulators...Letting my hair down after being up all day and then massaging my scalp. Or, the moment I take my bra off and scratch all those little spots that had an itch that day. And last, but certainly not least...(Probably my favorite.) Going for a long bike ride that ends with me getting off the seat and realizing that our feet aren't the only body part that "falls to sleep." (Think of when your feet fall asleep and you can hardly touch them as they awaken.) Uh, yeah....TMI

guedita
02-22-2010, 08:13 PM
Horseback riding.

Monklish
02-22-2010, 08:13 PM
When the puppie's asshole sucks closed around your glans.

juloxx
02-22-2010, 08:14 PM
Stepping out of a sweatlodge/ sana after at least a good 20+

weeklymix
02-22-2010, 08:16 PM
Seeing as I only use Q-tips in my ears, I don't know what else to recommend. I suppose maybe one of those spiral like brushes they use to clean your electric razor would bring on that bust a nut feeling.

I have a couple of generic orgasm simulators...Letting my hair down after being up all day and then massaging my scalp. Or, the moment I take my bra off and scratch all those little spots that had an itch that day. And last, but certainly not least...(Probably my favorite.) Going for a long bike ride that ends with me getting off the seat and realizing that our feet aren't the only body part that "falls to sleep." (Think of when your feet fall asleep and you can hardly touch them as they awaken.) Uh, yeah....TMI

http://img.timeinc.net/time/daily/2007/0706/a_ldisgust_0604.jpg

fiopadp7791
02-22-2010, 08:19 PM
When the barber or whoever's giving you a hair cut uses the electric trimmer to shave the hair off the back of your neck. That pulsating feeling on the back of my neck... best eva...

But yeah a scalp massage is nice too...

J~$$$$
02-22-2010, 08:20 PM
Watching people fail.

Seeing the flames rise higher from a safe distance high up on a ridge.

J~$$$$
02-22-2010, 08:22 PM
The first hit of the rock.

1litro
02-22-2010, 08:54 PM
Sneezing!

tessalasset
02-22-2010, 11:01 PM
To go along with the scalp massage... getting your hair washed at a salon. Unbelievable when someone else does it.

BlackSwan
02-22-2010, 11:03 PM
When the barber or whoever's giving you a hair cut uses the electric trimmer to shave the hair off the back of your neck. That pulsating feeling on the back of my neck... best eva...

But yeah a scalp massage is nice too...

Good call.

choice cat
02-22-2010, 11:11 PM
To go along with the scalp massage... getting your hair washed at a salon. Unbelievable when someone else does it.

If i ever win the lottery I'm going to do that every day. But really with anything its unbelievable when someone else does it for you.

IDCrisis
02-22-2010, 11:29 PM
Horseback riding.
And screaming, "Hi-Ho, Silver, away!":lool


http://img.timeinc.net/time/daily/2007/0706/a_ldisgust_0604.jpg
So, you're not into bicycles?

To go along with the scalp massage... getting your hair washed at a salon. Unbelievable when someone else does it.
I used to do hair in a salon and my clients claimed it was the main reason they liked coming to me. There's no magic hair cream in the world that does as much for your hair as a scalp massage.

Maybe I should include the massage during a pedicure as well.Never thought of it as orgasmic though. Not with a complete stranger that close to my hoo-ha!

weeklymix
02-22-2010, 11:33 PM
Don't like to ride a bike.

Drinking heavily is orgasmic if done properly.

fiopadp7791
02-22-2010, 11:37 PM
Seeing as I only use Q-tips in my ears, I don't know what else to recommend. I suppose maybe one of those spiral like brushes they use to clean your electric razor would bring on that bust a nut feeling.

I have a couple of generic orgasm simulators...Letting my hair down after being up all day and then massaging my scalp. Or, the moment I take my bra off and scratch all those little spots that had an itch that day. And last, but certainly not least...(Probably my favorite.) Going for a long bike ride that ends with me getting off the seat and realizing that our feet aren't the only body part that "falls to sleep." (Think of when your feet fall asleep and you can hardly touch them as they awaken.) Uh, yeah....TMI

Wait... "that" can fall asleep too?

iammrcandyman
02-22-2010, 11:51 PM
lol wut.

IDCrisis
02-23-2010, 12:48 AM
Don't like to ride a bike.
Drinking heavily is orgasmic if done properly.
So, you like blender drinks?
And, what do you mean you can't ride a bike? Have you ever tried?



(God, please don't answer that it's because you have no legs, or I'll feel like a real fucktard then...)

Wait... "that" can fall asleep too?
That, it can. Rather startling to say the least. Like when you've been sitting cross-legged for a long time and your foot goes numb? Yeah, that wasn't the alarming part. It's when "that" decided to start waking up and I started the uncontrolled giggling while fearing anymore movement that was tough.


Okay, so it wasn't all that bad...:winkiss

DFrank
02-23-2010, 01:24 AM
Hmmm.
I know you release endorphins after shitting, peeing, eating chocolate, and having sex. So if you did all of these at the same time i would say a win.

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
02-23-2010, 02:48 AM
watching Portishead in 2008. This year's Coachella line up release.

lizng
02-23-2010, 04:28 AM
bungee jumping

Finding that one unused port-o-potty and realizing you don't have to hold your breath

SDsoldier7
02-23-2010, 05:25 AM
that first line of coke.

gaypalmsprings
02-23-2010, 05:39 AM
vag leakage

http://www.welaf.com/resources/200702/pic/1172047528.jpg

superfiction
02-23-2010, 05:42 AM
that first line of coke.



qft ...:(

juloxx
02-23-2010, 07:50 AM
Hmmm.
I know you release endorphins after shitting, peeing, eating chocolate, and having sex. So if you did all of these at the same time i would say a win.

I feel like you have to get a hooker for a task as epic as that, or be R Kelly

feather
02-23-2010, 08:48 AM
The ballz.

Leeartlee
02-23-2010, 08:53 AM
Farting and sneezing simultaneously. Or the trifecta, doing both whilst also urinating.

"trifecta" serious giggles on that one

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
02-23-2010, 09:04 AM
soaking my balls in a glass of room temperature water after a long, hard day

TomAz
02-23-2010, 10:30 AM
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41XK6SBR0GL._SL500_AA280_.jpg

weeklymix
02-23-2010, 10:32 AM
So, you like blender drinks?
And, what do you mean you can't ride a bike? Have you ever tried?
(God, please don't answer that it's because you have no legs, or I'll feel like a real fucktard then...)


I have no legs, fucktard.

MusicIsMyBoyfriend
02-23-2010, 10:38 AM
Hitting your elbow(funny bone) or knee really hard on something. It hurts like a bitch, but if you hit the nerves in those two spots in just the right way it sends shivers/tingles down my spine and makes my legs all wobbly and weak.

I have long and uncoordinated limbs so this happens to me quite frequently. I wouldn't recomend walking around "whacking yourself" as it were, but it's definitely an interesting sensation.

Still-ill
02-23-2010, 10:41 AM
Hmmm.
I know you release endorphins after shitting, peeing, eating chocolate, and having sex. So if you did all of these at the same time i would say a win.

I'm sure your partner would appreciate this... especially if it were to be at her place.

IDCrisis
02-23-2010, 10:43 AM
I have no legs, fucktard.
So, do you pole vault?

amyzzz
02-23-2010, 12:08 PM
Hmmm.
I know you release endorphins after shitting, peeing, eating chocolate, and having sex. So if you did all of these at the same time i would say a win.
Speaking as a woman, doing at least a couple of those at the same time would hurt, so no go.

lickety_spit
02-23-2010, 12:10 PM
trading your car in rather than getting routine maintenance.

downingthief
02-23-2010, 12:12 PM
Speaking as a woman, doing at least a couple of those at the same time would hurt, so no go.

Which couple of things?

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 12:13 PM
Praying so hard you just know Jesus heard you and is going to answer your prayers.

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 12:15 PM
Shoplifting womens dresses from Nordstroms rack.

ELECtROjan
02-23-2010, 12:20 PM
when u show up late to the airport and get to the gate right before they shut the door...

MissingPerson
02-23-2010, 12:23 PM
To go along with the scalp massage... getting your hair washed at a salon. Unbelievable when someone else does it.

Yes.

hawkingvsreeve
02-23-2010, 12:26 PM
Hitting your elbow(funny bone) or knee really hard on something. It hurts like a bitch, but if you hit the nerves in those two spots in just the right way it sends shivers/tingles down my spine and makes my legs all wobbly and weak.

I have long and uncoordinated limbs so this happens to me quite frequently. I wouldn't recomend walking around "whacking yourself" as it were, but it's definitely an interesting sensation.


I on the other hand fully endorse walking around and whacking yourself.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
02-23-2010, 12:27 PM
this is pretty close to an orgasm

oavMtUWDBTM

Monklish
02-23-2010, 12:27 PM
When the statute of limitations finally runs out.

Monklish
02-23-2010, 12:27 PM
Or, alternatively, when the person you framed gets convicted.

chairmenmeow47
02-23-2010, 12:33 PM
putting on lotion after you shave

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 12:46 PM
Living in someones home for two weeks without their knowledge while they are there at the same time.

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 12:48 PM
Burying the evidence.

Monklish
02-23-2010, 12:51 PM
Burying the body.

TomAz
02-23-2010, 12:52 PM
The whimpers of "I just wanna see my mommy"

amyzzz
02-23-2010, 12:57 PM
My fingers ache in a pleasant way sometimes.

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 01:01 PM
Coning old people.

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 01:03 PM
Having a well run organization in which the bitches know better than to give you any lip or dare look in another pimps eyes.

Monklish
02-23-2010, 01:04 PM
When their skin comes off in one solid sheet.

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 01:05 PM
Hearing the screams.

Dr. Lufs-al-ot
02-23-2010, 01:06 PM
That look on their face when they realize there's a knife sticking out of their gut.

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 01:09 PM
Winning a $13.74 ebay auction

SoulDischarge
02-23-2010, 01:09 PM
Stretching the joke past breaking point.

Monklish
02-23-2010, 01:10 PM
Stretching each of their fingers past the breaking point.

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 01:10 PM
When Souldischarge busts sarcasm all over your ass.

hawkingvsreeve
02-23-2010, 01:11 PM
And in your mouth.

SoulDischarge
02-23-2010, 01:12 PM
Do other people's orgasms count? Sliding down your throat warm and full of life?

TomAz
02-23-2010, 01:12 PM
When Souldischarge busts sarcasm all over your ass.

he's like a snuff flick of ironical taunts

J~$$$$
02-23-2010, 01:13 PM
It tickles your tongue.

SoulDischarge
02-23-2010, 01:13 PM
he's like a snuff flick of ironical taunts

Finding a board title.

amyzzz
02-23-2010, 01:17 PM
Patrick is really on today.

DFrank
02-23-2010, 02:57 PM
Speaking as a woman, doing at least a couple of those at the same time would hurt, so no go.

So..no spelled Y-E-S? im down.

Courtney
02-23-2010, 03:04 PM
I would do many inappropriate things for a scalp massage right now.

hawkingvsreeve
02-23-2010, 03:05 PM
Go on.

amyzzz
02-23-2010, 03:06 PM
I think I'm gonna take a bath tonight. This thread has inspired me to find something pleasurable to do.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
02-23-2010, 03:08 PM
my girlfriend got mad at me when i was eating nature's grill quesadilla from pequito mas the other day and i said it was better than sex.

Mostly I think she was mad because she wasn't happy with her burrito and was wishing she had ordered what i got

SoulDischarge
02-23-2010, 03:13 PM
Is that some kind of metaphor for her wishing she had been born a man?

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
02-23-2010, 03:32 PM
my face just got sucked into the vortex

Stickjohn
02-23-2010, 03:52 PM
I was on a christian retreat which featured a surprise foot washing and anointing. warm soapy water. perfumed oils. strong, manly nun hands massaging my soles. it was pretty good.

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
02-23-2010, 03:53 PM
Nun hands are pretty good.

Dr. Lufs-al-ot
02-23-2010, 04:06 PM
dividing by zero

oh shi-

Monklish
02-23-2010, 04:18 PM
If it's not funny on /b/, it probably isn't funny here, dipshit.

lickety_spit
02-23-2010, 04:54 PM
going to the bathroom & realizing you've gotten your period when you're certain you weren't going to get your period.

Monklish
02-23-2010, 04:55 PM
going to the bathroom & realizing you've gotten your period when you're certain you weren't going to get your period.

Actually I hate that feeling.

weeklymix
02-23-2010, 05:10 PM
going to the bathroom & realizing you've gotten your period when you're certain you weren't going to get your period.

http://www.magazine.ucla.edu/depts/quicktakes/evolutionary-disgust.jpg

GeezrRckr
02-23-2010, 05:19 PM
watching Portishead in 2008.
oh yeah!

SoulDischarge
02-26-2010, 06:40 PM
Randomly getting a small barely identifiable piece of a song stuck in your head and having no idea what the fuck it is and spending a half hour trying to figure out what it is and actually finding it.

(In this case, it was "God?" by the Dodos. That fucking "I know, I know" part, which is about as generic as it gets when trying to search for lyrics on Google.)

fiopadp7791
02-26-2010, 06:44 PM
Randomly getting a small barely identifiable piece of a song stuck in your head and having no idea what the fuck it is and spending a half hour trying to figure out what it is and actually finding it.

(In this case, it was "God?" by the Dodos. That fucking "I know, I know" part, which is about as generic as it gets when trying to search for lyrics on Google.)

That happens to me too... but that's not orgasmic... it causes headaches...

SoulDischarge
02-26-2010, 06:48 PM
When you actually find the song and get to listen to it on repeat for an hour it is.

rskapcat
02-26-2010, 06:50 PM
Agreed, Patrick. Sometimes it's just a short guitar part. And it will consume my brain until I figure it out.

JebusLives
02-26-2010, 06:52 PM
side-hugs

Mr.Nipples
02-26-2010, 07:04 PM
pissing out that last lava-esque dribble of discharge

SoulDischarge
02-26-2010, 07:10 PM
You're not allowed to change your avatar.

JebusLives
02-26-2010, 07:16 PM
this is truth. Change it back, immediately!

woogie846
02-26-2010, 11:35 PM
Getting your neck shaven when you get a haircut.

fiopadp7791
02-27-2010, 08:31 AM
Getting your neck shaven when you get a haircut.

page 1 of thread...

gaypalmsprings
02-27-2010, 08:38 AM
food is orgasmic.

http://9.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvwx3ljUc51qzcj9eo1_400.jpg

http://www.emotionaljoystick.net/37h3rgallery/albums/album12/hamdog.jpg

http://15.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kuojb8F1RI1qzvnxpo1_500.jpg

fiopadp7791
02-27-2010, 08:48 AM
food is orgasmic.

http://9.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvwx3ljUc51qzcj9eo1_400.jpg

http://www.emotionaljoystick.net/37h3rgallery/albums/album12/hamdog.jpg

http://15.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kuojb8F1RI1qzvnxpo1_500.jpg

That hamdog looks like the coolest food thingy ever invented. I'd die after eating it, due to my arteries all clogging at once. But I'd die with a smile on my face... and maybe some ketchup on my face too...

PlayaDelWes
08-08-2013, 05:46 PM
Flossing, like really deep into your gums, and then rinsing with listerine.

xuclarockerx
08-08-2013, 10:28 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomous_sensory_meridian_response

algunz
08-09-2013, 05:20 AM
Watching people crash badly on skateboards, bikes, etc.

ThatGirl
08-09-2013, 05:46 AM
A really good scalp massage when you are getting a shampoo at the hair salon.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 07:51 AM
Peanut butter oreos > sex

...I must be doing it wrong. Haha.

TomAz
08-09-2013, 09:44 AM
Yet another reason why I think you're an algunz alias. HEY EVERYBODY I HAVE SEX

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 09:53 AM
ooooookay then

guedita
08-09-2013, 09:55 AM
The thresholds of worthlessness are being broken every day by people like birdiearch. So, there's that.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 09:57 AM
yawn

TomAz
08-09-2013, 10:18 AM
I don't even think algunz is capable of being this dull though, so I might be wrong.

guedita
08-09-2013, 10:19 AM
"snore"

"meanie"

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
08-09-2013, 10:20 AM
lol

VigoTheCarpathian
08-09-2013, 10:24 AM
Peanut butter oreos > sex

...I must be doing it wrong. Haha.

Gunz for sure.

Speed, weed and wine.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 10:37 AM
Hmm.... I'm not trying to accomplish anything except shell-breaking, really.

TomAz
08-09-2013, 10:48 AM
Well now I feel guilty.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 10:53 AM
That's some sarcastic discharge if I ever saw it.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 10:54 AM
Tom being sincere and/or sympathetic. Now that would be orgasmic!

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
08-09-2013, 11:57 AM
Tom not telling you to go fuck yourself IS him being sympathetic.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 12:09 PM
11059

guedita
08-09-2013, 12:20 PM
Seriously, could you at least give us some sort of run down on who the fuck you are and why any of us should give a shit? It's not as though we wouldn't necessarily become amenable to you if you weren't a consistent pile of one word drivel.

guedita
08-09-2013, 12:21 PM
Like, are you Starraven's cousin? Daxton's even more inept sister? The board has reached its quota on boring as fuck females.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 12:39 PM
Miss, I'm not looking for "attention". I don't give 2 shits if I bore you.
I'm almost flattered that I'm "stirring up" anything.

For the record, I'm not related to, nor do I previously know anyone on the board.
I'm just a random girl taking baby steps to reverse my social retardation.
Is that sufficient?

VigoTheCarpathian
08-09-2013, 12:41 PM
I'm just a random girl taking baby steps to reverse my social retardation.

well, you managed to walk into the den of social retards.

guedita
08-09-2013, 12:43 PM
Why anyone would want to join this message board as some sort of self-help for socialization is beyond me.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 12:47 PM
Because I'm starting at a lower level?...... where I normally have trouble stringing words together into what one may call a sentence?

guedita
08-09-2013, 12:49 PM
Yeah, your obvious ineptitude at being interesting or writing anything more than four words isn't the issue here. The issue is why the fuck you ever thought THIS MESSAGE BOARD would be an appropriate place to try and slide into some sort of meaningful social development. It's as if no one ever fucking reads anything before just diving in head first into new territory these days, and it makes no fucking sense.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 12:58 PM
I'll take that with a grain of salt, but I still don't care what you think.
Posts will get lengthier with time. Ignore me for now.

miscorrections
08-09-2013, 01:03 PM
Please don't get lengthier.

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 01:05 PM
Go shit on a cracker

TomAz
08-09-2013, 01:13 PM
mmmmmmmmmmmm. cracker shit. mmmmmmmmmmmmm

TomAz
08-09-2013, 01:16 PM
Miss, I'm not looking for "attention". I don't give 2 shits if I bore you.
I'm almost flattered that I'm "stirring up" anything.

For the record, I'm not related to, nor do I previously know anyone on the board.
I'm just a random girl taking baby steps to reverse my social retardation.
Is that sufficient?

are you hot?

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 01:25 PM
Well, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.... so maybe

guedita
08-09-2013, 01:28 PM
And scene.

Darth_Bater
08-09-2013, 01:55 PM
Back to the thread topic...

Reaching with whole body to try and touch the ceiling....aaahhhh

birdiearch
08-09-2013, 01:59 PM
Good call.

The moment you hit the bed after pulling an all nighter.

VigoTheCarpathian
08-09-2013, 02:17 PM
The burn after reading

JorgeC
08-09-2013, 02:23 PM
crawling into bed with freshly washed sheets after taking a hot shower

locachica73
08-20-2013, 01:06 PM
After you enter an invoice with 4 pages of detail and you realize you balance. YES!!!!

TomAz
08-20-2013, 01:17 PM
http://rk.wsimgs.com/wsimgs/rk/images/dp/wcm/201319/0199/img34c.jpg

algunz
08-20-2013, 03:31 PM
This page is a good example of how you all can be unnecessarily territorial and mean. Gue, how have you not been a bitch here?

algunz
08-20-2013, 03:32 PM
Challenging you gets me off.

guedita
08-20-2013, 03:44 PM
Um, I have been a bitch in here. Please quit your day job. I'm sure you could be about as useful working at a Color Me Mine.

amyzzz
08-20-2013, 03:48 PM
Birdiearch deserved it more than some.

algunz
08-20-2013, 03:51 PM
Um, I have been a bitch in here. Please quit your day job. I'm sure you could be about as useful working at a Color Me Mine.

Sadly, I'm over qualified.

fatbastard
08-20-2013, 09:08 PM
After kissing awhile, when your lips become raw and sensitive and then rubbing them together after they itch a bit.

locachica73
08-20-2013, 09:18 PM
Realizing you have the winning hand.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 10:02 AM
Birdiearch deserved it more than some.

Thaaaaanks.
Didn't wanna go there, but she made me :mad:

guedita
08-21-2013, 10:04 AM
I made you an emoticon? Aren't you here to practice using words in a meaningful way?

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 10:05 AM
Touche. Forgot the PERIOD.

amyzzz
08-21-2013, 10:15 AM
Oh come on. Tom says girls get a pass at using emoticons.

guedita
08-21-2013, 10:17 AM
Oh, well if Tom says it.

SoulDischarge
08-21-2013, 10:25 AM
If you don't like old white men telling you what to do with your periods, you should probably get out of America.

HotHamWater
08-21-2013, 10:25 AM
Standing in front of the fan at the gym after a nice workout.

Goldbond on my balls. It's nice to have in spray form now.

guedita
08-21-2013, 10:26 AM
Here at the Coachella Message Board, we've all been assigned our own male menses advisers.

canexplain is currently available, and will be assigned to birdiearch. Best of luck.

SoulDischarge
08-21-2013, 10:28 AM
I believe cr**** is Menses Director In Chief.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 12:15 PM
Woohoo!

amyzzz
08-21-2013, 12:22 PM
So I get Tom then?

Mugwog
08-21-2013, 12:23 PM
Ear nibbles get my butt wet

TomAz
08-21-2013, 12:51 PM
So I get Tom then?

They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say it is an illness so let women alone at such times and go not into them til they are cleansed. And when they have purified themselves, then go unto them as Allah hath enjoined upon you.

amyzzz
08-21-2013, 12:52 PM
Well, there's always the other hole.

miscorrections
08-21-2013, 12:55 PM
We already have a Gunz, Amy.

algunz
08-21-2013, 01:07 PM
No, Amy is the one with the fascination with the other hole.

TomAz
08-21-2013, 01:27 PM
Well, there's always the other hole.

actually, 2 others, but who's counting?

When I looked up that Quran quote though i found an alternate translation (? or maybe interpretation?) that made it clear that vaginal entry was the only kind permitted by Allah.


The Quran expressly prohibits a man from approaching his wife during her monthly cycle:

They will question thee concerning the monthly course. Say: 'It is hurt; so go apart from women during the monthly course, and do not approach them till they are clean. When they have cleansed themselves, then come unto them as God has commanded you.' Truly, God loves those who repent, and He loves those who cleanse themselves. S. 2:222 Arberry

Here is another version:

They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.). Hilali-Khan

Dogvolta
08-21-2013, 01:42 PM
Hmm.... I'm not trying to accomplish anything except shell-breaking, really.

Lets go on a date to Disneyland, Ms. Downtown Disney

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 02:17 PM
Downtown Disney sounds like some pimp who specializes in and offers dwarfs to the frigid. If one can't get you off, maybe one of the other six, will.

amyzzz
08-21-2013, 02:19 PM
I was gonna say, I feel like I'm in gunz-mode today.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 02:40 PM
Lets go on a date to Disneyland, Ms. Downtown Disney

Sure. If you're a turtle, and I can smash you with a hammer.
How's that for shell breaking?

TomAz
08-21-2013, 02:43 PM
Sounds like you're in luck, Dogvolta.

miscorrections
08-21-2013, 02:48 PM
Sure. If you're a turtle, and I can smash you with a hammer.
How's that for shell breaking?

What's it like to be constantly met with eye rolls and exaggerated exhalations?

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 02:49 PM
I would imagine that a turtle being released from it's shell for the first time to be similar to the excitement felt when finally coming out of the closet to the World. Little fucker would be all giddy n' shit, flapping his little turtle arms with glee.

amyzzz
08-21-2013, 02:50 PM
Little fucker would be dead, Bev.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 02:50 PM
What's it like to be constantly met with eye rolls and exaggerated exhalations?

I was gonna ask you the same thing.

Seriously. It's the same Lisa Frank bitch, over and over.

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 02:52 PM
What's it like to be constantly met with eye rolls and exaggerated exhalations?
Probably no different than say, being stuck as the designated driver who's responsible for a car load of obnoxiously drunken friends...

TomAz
08-21-2013, 02:59 PM
I was gonna ask you the same thing.

Seriously. It's the same Lisa Frank bitch, over and over.

This is a less than satisfying response, birdiearch. It's essentially an "I know what you are but what am I" retort, unfitting for a 25 year old grown woman, shell or no shell.

Try something like this instead: "You dullwitted buffoon, your one trick pony act is a tiresome bore." Also it will really cause a sting if you mention post counts.

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 02:59 PM
Little fucker would be dead, Bev.
Or, half smashed.... like that carload of drunks. Flaming little bastard won't remember a thing the next morning as he's laying there un-shelled and exposed.

guedita
08-21-2013, 03:01 PM
Can someone expand upon the insult (?) "Lisa Frank bitch," please?

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 03:02 PM
Well no duh. I don't need you to tell me that. >:/

Like I said, I'm working on it.

In the meantime, that bitch should get back to sucking her dad's cock.

algunz
08-21-2013, 03:03 PM
She's the artist of mis' avatar.

I can't expand on why it's an insult though.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 03:04 PM
Ughhh I don't know why I'm more "offended" by her than the rest of you.
Maybe her attack style is just to stalk me specifically. Out of fucking nowhere.

Miroir Noir
08-21-2013, 03:04 PM
So back to orgasmic feelings that aren't orgasms: cracking a crŤme brŻlťe crust.

TomAz
08-21-2013, 03:04 PM
oh. A 'daddy issues' insult. That hasn't worked so well in the past around here. See, birdiearch, the problem is, you don't know miscorrections or her dad or anything, so by suggesting that she engages in that sort of thing reflects not at all on her but a lot on you. Focus on the things you know, or at least that you think you know, based on what you've seen here. For example, if you think it's appropriate, call her a soulless twat without a shred of intellect but a very high post count.

Dogvolta
08-21-2013, 03:05 PM
Well no duh. I don't need you to tell me that. >:/

Like I said, I'm working on it.

In the meantime, that bitch should get back to sucking her dad's cock.

So back on topic, I got a dland pass. Lets get to breakin some shells

guedita
08-21-2013, 03:06 PM
An "out of nowhere" attack implies that you haven't done anything (like post) to warrant an attack.

And it's a shame that "Lisa Frank bitch" isn't actually an insult, cus I'd like to hurl it at someone. Preferably in line for the bathroom at a dance club.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 03:06 PM
soulless twat without a shred of intellect but a very high post count.
There.

You've got a point though.

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 03:07 PM
This is a less than satisfying response, birdiearch. It's essentially an "I know what you are but what am I" retort, unfitting for a 25 year old grown woman, shell or no shell.

Try something like this instead: "You dullwitted buffoon, your one trick pony act is a tiresome bore." Also it will really cause a sting if you mention post counts.
The "Voice of Viagra" hath thpoken, and after 37,133 posts, he still thinks "go fuck yourself" is the answer...

amyzzz
08-21-2013, 03:09 PM
I know, I was momentarily flummoxed and impressed by the Lisa Frank insult...until I looked at her avatar of course.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 03:12 PM
An "out of nowhere" attack implies that you haven't done anything (like post) to warrant an attack.

And it's a shame that "Lisa Frank bitch" isn't actually an insult, cus I'd like to hurl it at someone. Preferably in line for the bathroom at a dance club.

I wasn't denying that I posted something lame. I get that I'm not "funny" to everyone.
(again, can't make a sentence of what I'm trying to say... but ie: if you were arguing with me, and then she has to put in her 2 cents specifically towards me, though she says nothing else in the vicinity of that conversation)
Welcome to the internet I guess. Facepalm.


And lulz
Wasn't an insult. Just identifying her.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 03:12 PM
The "Voice of Viagra" hath thpoken, and after 37,133 posts, he still thinks "go fuck yourself" is the answer...

That made me smile

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 03:13 PM
oh. A 'daddy issues' insult. That hasn't worked so well in the past around here. See, birdiearch, the problem is, you don't know miscorrections or her dad or anything, so by suggesting that she engages in that sort of thing reflects not at all on her but a lot on you. Focus on the things you know, or at least that you think you know, based on what you've seen here. For example, if you think it's appropriate, call her a soulless twat without a shred of intellect but a very high post count.
Tom, since I believe that you were responsible for my getting the Daft Punk Junkie title, is there anyway that you could like, brown nose up to Dani and get that editted to this spot-on description?

VigoTheCarpathian
08-21-2013, 03:15 PM
Now onto the part where Birdie posts a nude photo of her breaking shells...

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 03:16 PM
It would really help me feel more in tune with the actual thread if you could arrange that, Thomas.

TomAz
08-21-2013, 03:21 PM
The "Voice of Viagra" hath thpoken, and after 37,133 posts, he still thinks "go fuck yourself" is the answer...

Birdiearch, take note. See the quick rapier wit and stinging rebuke that Brokendoll offers up. This is pure mastery. I'll pretty much have to stop posting for a while, I am so hurt.

TomAz
08-21-2013, 03:22 PM
Tom, since I believe that you were responsible for my getting the Daft Punk Junkie title, is there anyway that you could like, brown nose up to Dani and get that editted to this spot-on description?

I don't think it will fit, Beverly.

TomAz
08-21-2013, 03:26 PM
Speaking of avatars, I think I need a new one. I'm getting a little bored with Eva.

Miroir Noir
08-21-2013, 03:29 PM
It was Joe's 61st birthday today, put him up there.

fatbastard
08-21-2013, 03:45 PM
Speaking of avatars, I think I need a new one. I'm getting a little bored with Eva.

Eva or Ava?

TomAz
08-21-2013, 03:47 PM
Eva Braun.



and good idea Mitch.

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 03:49 PM
Birdiearch, take note. See the quick rapier wit and stinging rebuke that Brokendoll offers up. This is pure mastery. I'll pretty much have to stop posting for a while, I am so hurt.


I don't think it will fit, Beverly.
So, fuckin g put a band-aid on it and try for "Soulless Twat." Work it, Tom...

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 03:54 PM
When you're done with your avatar, of course...

ThatGirl
08-21-2013, 04:11 PM
Speaking of avatars, I think I need a new one. I'm getting a little bored with Eva.
Im getting sick of mine too but I can't be bothered to choose one. Maybe we could start a thread like the secret Santa, someone picks an avatar for you and you have to use it for a month, then guess who picked it for you.

Miroir Noir
08-21-2013, 04:28 PM
ThatGirl, you get Geddy Lee.

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 04:29 PM
Im getting sick of mine too but I can't be bothered to choose one. Maybe we could start a thread like the secret Santa, someone picks an avatar for you and you have to use it for a month, then guess who picked it for you.
With the shit on this message board lately, I'd like to keep my gas mask avatar if possible.

miscorrections
08-21-2013, 04:29 PM
So, fuckin g put a band-aid on it and try for "Soulless Twat." Work it, Tom...

Please. You have to earn that title, you can't just take mine.

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 04:41 PM
Please. You have to earn that title, you can't just take mine.
Fine. Keep your little meatflaps to yourself then!

ThatGirl
08-21-2013, 04:44 PM
ThatGirl, you get Geddy Lee.
Fuck yeah! Find me the right photo please.

Mugwog
08-21-2013, 04:44 PM
Really...you're more of a cunt than a soulless twat. Lisa frank bitch

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 04:45 PM
I can imagine you sitting there later tonight all wrapped up in yourself and chanting, "Mine, mine, all mine..."

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 04:46 PM
Tell me that wouldn't produce some sort of orgasmic sensation...

Miroir Noir
08-21-2013, 05:11 PM
Fuck yeah! Find me the right photo please.

http://media.screened.com/uploads/0/2777/255660-geddy_lee_icon.jpg

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 05:30 PM
Really...you're more of a cunt than a soulless twat. Lisa frank bitch

:thu

BROKENDOLL
08-21-2013, 05:39 PM
:thu
See that thumb? Yep, you really haven't made it around here until one of these possessive little fuckers tells you to stick it up your ass...then it's all good.

birdiearch
08-21-2013, 06:55 PM
possessive little fucker

Can that be my title? :)